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Usual disclaimer – SoN is not mine.

Angels on the Moon

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Ashley's POV

I felt my hands shaking as I gently unsnapped the clasps on my guitar case. I hadn't opened this case since I'd come to the farm, in fact I hadn't opened it in over two years. I hadn't opened that case since about a week after I left my family. I'd opened that case then and filled it with all the photos I had of Spencer and Allie and our family and then I'd stashed my wedding and engagement rings inside and sealed it up. I'd refused to open it since. I'd still carried the case with me everywhere, but had never opened it.

I took a deep breath and slowly raised the lid and looked down at my gleaming Taylor guitar. Spencer had bought it for me a few years ago as a birthday present and I had fallen in love with it at first sight. It was a beautiful guitar.

I'd been so moved by the gift that I'd given her my old guitar, which had been my Dad's. I wanted Spencer to have a piece of me with her when she wrote her songs. That had been a magical birthday.

I looked at the underside of the case lid and let out the breath I hadn't realised I was holding. I let my eyes dance over the photos inside and a thousand memories paraded through my mind. The memories were both happy and sad, they were all bittersweet to remember.

I reverently lifted the guitar and rested it on my lap, letting my fingers glide over the smooth wood and the taught strings. I then gently placed the guitar on the bed beside me and opened the inside compartment of the guitar case. I reached in and closed my fingers around the cold metal inside. I lifted my hand out and opened my fingers to see my engagement and wedding rings lying on my trembling palm.

I could remember all too well the day I'd initially laid eyes on the first of the two rings...

Flashback

I felt sick. Really sick. Like vomit all over the place sick. If I didn't know better I'd assume I had food poisoning or something. I knew that couldn't be it though because I had been too nervous to eat a damn thing in almost two days.

I turned on my side and looked at the beautiful face of my sleeping girlfriend. Spencer was such a peaceful sleeper. I loved the serenity I felt when lying beside her. She was home to me.

I had recently gotten back from touring with my second album and had missed Spencer immensely. She had come on the tour for the first album, but after finding out that my19 year old sister was knocked up Spencer had decided to skip this one and stay home to help out. The family was still trying to come to terms with the unexpected pregnancy. I think Dad was still trying to decide if he needed to kill Aiden or not. I was also undecided. I think Spencer had stayed to be the mediator and peacekeeper more than anything.

Being away from Spencer had been hard, harder than I had ever thought it would be. I knew I would miss her, but I was totally unprepared for the gravity of how much I would miss her. It made me physically ache to not wake up beside her every morning.

In the year we had lived together I had learnt that I needed Spencer like I needed oxygen. She was how I survived. She was my gravity, my sun, my true north. She was the best part of me and the only person who knew every part of me, the darkness and the light. Even Kyla didn't know me so well.

Being without Spencer, even when it was only for a few months (with frequent visits home between shows of course) had made me certain that I never wanted to be apart from her again. So on my way home from my last stop of the tour (Vegas baby!) I made a big purchase and it was the weight of that purchase that was causing me nausea inducing nerves.

I felt the bed move beside me as Spencer started to stir. She opened her twinkling, ocean blue eyes and smiled at me adoringly. She reached over to run her fingers through my hair and asked in a voice still husky from sleep, "What's going on Ash? I can practically feel you thinking."

I leaned in and captured her lips with mine. I set a slow, languid pace and kissed her until we had to break apart for air. Spencer smirked up at me, "Don't think you can distract me with your lips Ashley Davies, what's going on in that head of yours?"

I opened my arms to her and she rolled her eyes before scooting over and snuggling into my embrace. I held her close and kissed her silky, sun kissed hair as I murmured, "I just missed you. I hated being away from you for so long Spence."

I felt more than heard her sigh against my chest. She tightened her hold on me and responded softly, "I missed you too. Can I take you somewhere when we get up?"

I kissed her hair again and answered, "of course baby, where are we going?"

Spencer chuckled, "You know me better than that Ash, of course I'm not going to tell you!"

I rolled her onto her back and settled my weight over her, grinning down at my breath-taking girl. I tucked some loose strands of blonde hair behind her ear and let my hand linger on her cheek. I bit my lip and murmured, "I am constantly blown away by how much I love you."

Spencer beamed up at me and pulled me down for a sweet kiss. We broke apart and Spencer fixed a tender look on her face. She buried her hand in my curls and half whispered, "I know the feeling. I fall more in love with you every single moment we spend together."

I felt my heart race. I never knew I could love like this. I never knew love could feel like this.

Spencer kissed me once more and then slipped from beneath me and climbed from the bed. She held out her hand to me and suggested, "Let's get ready and head out."

I took her offered hand and let her pull me from the bed. As I stood beside our bed I wrapped her in my arms held her close. Spencer moulded herself to me and ran her hands up and down my back. We stood like that for what could have been days, but was really only a few minutes. Time became irrelevant when I was with Spencer.

I managed to convince Spencer that a shower would be more fun together so it took us quite a while to actually get ready to leave the house. As we stepped out of our front door Spencer smirked at me and held up a long black silk scarf.

I raised an eyebrow and smirked, "Kinky."

Spencer shook her head with a smirk of her own and stepped forward to cover my eyes with the cloth. I felt her take my hand in hers and added, "You'd better be naked when I take this off!"

Spencer chuckled and squeezed my hand, "We'll see."

I followed along carefully as Spencer helped me into her car and fastened my seat belt. As she climbed into the driver's side I patted my pocket to see if my recent purchase was still there. I let out a silent sigh of relief when I found it safely tucked away.

We drove for what seemed like ages, but in all honesty I was fairly certain Spencer was just lapping our block for most of the drive. She wasn't quite as stealthy as she thought she was. Finally she pulled over and parked the car. She murmured softly, "We're here."

I went to undo the blindfold, only to have my hands swatted away. I pouted and listened to her musical laughter as she hopped out of the car and came around to help me out. I let her guide me out of the car and then followed along behind her as we walked over what felt like grass. Based on the sounds and smells around me I had a pretty good idea where we were, but there was no way I was going to ruin her surprise.

Spencer led me carefully up a hill and I hid my smile of recognition. My girl. My beautiful, romantic and slightly predictable girl. God I love her.

We kept walking until the ground evened out and then Spencer helped me sit down against what I was about 100% sure was our tree in our clearing. She cleared her throat and mumbled distractedly, "Just sit here for a minute, um don't take off the blind fold ok?"

I grinned at her cuteness and replied, "No problem baby."

I heard the sound of her frantically moving around me and a few muttered curse words. I've said it before and I'll say it again, God I love her.

After about ten minutes Spencer cleared her throat again and said nervously, "Ok you can take the blind fold off now."

I undid the knot behind my head and let the black silk slide away from my eyes and then I lost the ability to speak, or move, or breathe.

I had been half right, we were in our clearing at the Carlin's farm, but the place had been transformed and no way had it all been done in the ten minutes I'd been sitting there with a blindfold on.

There is no way to describe the scene I was witnessing other than heaven. Spencer had a marquee set up with drapes of sheer white fabric hanging off it and in the trees around us. There was a path of multi coloured rose petals leading from where I was sitting to Spencer. All around us were candles flickering inside bowls of water (had to be mindful of fire hazards) and even though it was mid morning and quite sunny, the canopy of trees surrounding us gave just enough shadow to make the candle light really ethereal.

The most spectacular sight of all though, was Spencer. She had changes out of the jeans and t-shirt she'd been wearing into a simple, soft blue silk dress that flowed over her body like water. Her hair was loose around her shoulders and her eyes were positively glowing with love and nerves.

She had a guitar sitting beside where she was standing and a picnic basket too. Another picnic to add to the scrapbook of our most incredible moments.

I opened and closed my mouth so many times I must have looked like a fish. I just couldn't make the words come out. Spencer's lips curves into a tender smile as she took a step closer to me. She locked her soulful blue eyes on mine and whispered breathily, "I had all these ideas of where I wanted to take you today, all these romantic places I could bring you to, but when I really thought about it there was only one place in the entire world where this should happen."

I swallowed hard and stammered out, "Where what should happen Spence?"

Spencer took her bottom lip between her teeth and closed the distance between us to take my hands in hers. She walked backward, brining me with her, until we were standing under the marquee. I would be questioning her later on how exactly she'd gotten that thing up into the clearing and set it up alone. I knew there was no way in hell she'd let anyone help her, that would have meant showing someone else our spot.

Spencer tilted her head to the side and fixed me with a look of such love I felt unworthy. She squeezed my hands and started to speak in a soft, low voice, "This morning you told me that you are blown away by how much you love me and I feel exactly the same. You bring me to life Ashley, you set my heart, body and soul on fire. I never knew that love could feel this way and that I could love so much. From the moment I met you 17 years ago I knew that you would become a part of me. You are my family, my best friend and my first and forever love. You are the person who completes me, no one else could ever fit me the way you do."

Spencer paused for a moment and slipped a hand into her cleavage, I felt my mouth go suddenly dry. She pulled something out and kept it wrapped in her hand. She reached up to cup my cheek in her palm and laughed breathlessly, "I thought I'd be nervous to do this, I've felt sick for days, but now that I'm here in front of you I have no idea why I was nervous, this is right. I love you Ashley Christine Davies and being without you while you were on tour just made me realise that I never want to be without you again."

Spencer raised her closed fist and slowly opened it to reveal a perfect platinum band with a stunning diamond sparkling in the light from the sun and candles. I looked back and forth from the ring to her eyes that were now shining with tears of joy, as were mine.

Spencer moved closer so that I could feel her breath on my lips and whispered, "I love you with all that I am Ashley and I want the rest of my life to be with you. I can't imagine living a life without you. I know we're young and people will say we're crazy, but I just can't bring myself to care. I want everything with you and I want to start now. Ashley Davies, will you marry me?"

I felt hot tears start spilling down my cheeks and I closed the distance and connected our lips. I traced her lips with my tongue and moaned when she granted me entrance. I kissed her with all the love I had inside me and pulled back to smiled adoringly at her. I reached down and pulled a small box from my pocket and opened it to reveal a twisted platinum band with a single solitaire diamond set in it. I locked my eyes on hers and said with a watery smile, "you stole my line."

Spencer started laughing and crying all that the same time and wrapped her arms around me in a fierce embrace. I held her as we both cried, laughed and gasped out words of love.

Finally we pulled back and Spencer choked out, "So I take it you're saying yes?"

I nodded frantically and almost yelled, "Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!"

Spencer chuckled and tenderly slipped the ring onto my left hand. I stared down at it in wonder and then reverently slipped the ring in my hand onto her left ring finger. I looked back up into her cerulean eyes and held her face in my hands as I brought out lips together in a passionate kiss. This kiss was a new one for us, it was filled with promise of a future together and of a love that could never be denied.

Our kiss was salty with the tears we were still crying. I was practically bursting with joy and the love I felt. One kiss soon became another and then another until I was led over to the blanket Spencer had laid out under the marquee. I let her lay me down and then watched in utter amazement as my beautiful fiancé reached behind her and unzipped her dress, letting it fall into a pile at her feet.

I swallowed hard at the sight of her majestic body standing over me in just a matching set of a white lace bra and panties and felt my breathing quicken.

Spencer fell to her knees with one leg on either side of my hips. She traced her hands down from my faced to my stomach before inching my shirt up over my head and discarding it somewhere near her dress. Next went my jeans, shoes and then bra and panties.

Once I was naked I reached for her, only to have my hand swatted away. Spencer leaned in and lavished my neck with hot kisses, careful not to let her body make contact with mine so that the only parts of her I could feel were her thighs straddling me and her sensual lips on my throat.

She dragged her lips from my neck and down to my chest. I almost combusted when she took a nipple into her mouth. She teased and tortured my breasts, moving between them and only using her mouth. Her hands were on the ground either side of me, holding her up. Every time I tried to touch her she would almost roughly push my hands to the ground and look at me until I nodded my agreement to keep them there, it never lasted long.

She kissed her way to my stomach and then down to my hips and finally when I was about ready to beg or scream she placed her lips where I wanted them most of all. She took her time tasting and teasing me and then finally lifting a hand to palm my heaving breast. The flash of the sun hitting her diamond ring made my heart burst with love and then the thrust of her tongue inside of me made me lose my mind.

I arched my back and called out her name hoarsely. Spencer smirked against me and continued her movements, her free hand settling on my hips to steady their wild gyrations. I tangled my hands in her hair and gasped out her name over and over. The fingers of her left hand tweaked and teased my nipples until I was sure they were hard enough to cut our new diamonds.

All my nerve endings were on fire and my body had a mind of its own as it writhed and bucked beneath her. I couldn't form a coherent thought, all I could do was surrender to my stunning fiancé and take in the love she was giving me.

It was only a few more thrusts of her tongue before I tumbled over the edge in ecstasy. I screamed out her name, loud enough I had a moments concern that maybe someone on the farm heard us, and then lay trembling as she kissed her way back up my body.

She leaned over me and kissed me hungrily on the lips, invading my mouth with her tongue and letting me taste myself. I moaned loudly and pulled her tightly against me as I shook in the aftermath.

Spencer stroked my hair from my face and kissed me over and over until I was calm. I looked up into her loving eyes and murmured, "I can't believe I am lucky enough to get to spend my life with you."

Spencer kissed my lips chastely and whispered, "I'm the lucky one."

I shook my head and quickly flipped her onto her back, earning myself a surprised squeal. I settled over her and smirked as I rasped out, "Now I'm going to show you just how lucky you make me feel."

End Flashback

That day had been a dream come true. That clearing had certainly seen a lot of intimate moments between Spencer and I. We were very lucky to have never been busted there.

After our proposal and then celebration we'd gone down to the farm and told Paula and Arthur. They were shocked and tried to convince us that 21 was too young and that we should just enjoy being young. Spencer soon shut them up by reminding them that they were only 22 when Glen was born and got married themselves at 21. I think Paula liked to forget the actual numbers in that story.

They eventually came around and were a big help in calming down my parents who were already dealing with their impregnated 19 year old and now had to deal with their 21 year old getting engaged. I think what sold it for them was Spencer's impassioned speech about love having nothing to do with age and that she had known she would marry me from the time she was sixteen years old. I think we all swooned at that.

I let out a deep breath. I still struggled with the fact that a love like Spencer's and mine wasn't strong enough to stop me from embarking on my drug and alcohol journey and wasn't enough to stop me leaving. If a love like ours wasn't enough, how does any relationship survive all the shit life likes to throw around?

Love is supposed to conquer all isn't it? How come ours couldn't?

I sighed and slipped my engagement and wedding rings onto my left ring finger. I picked up the guitar and strummed it lightly with my fingers as I tuned it.

Maybe our love hadn't been enough the first time around, but just maybe the love I felt for my wife and daughter would be enough now to keep me clean and let me be in their lives?

After hearing Allie call me Momma the other day I couldn't imagine ever walking away again. How could I?

The urge to drink or get high was still there, fuck maybe it would always be there. But in that moment the urge to see my family and get to know my daughter was so much stronger.

I cradled my guitar and then methodically tuned it. I placed my fingers over the frets and strummed lightly a few times, letting my fingers familiarise themselves with my much beloved guitar.

A few minutes of idle strumming passed and then I started playing one of my more popular songs off my third album. It had been written in the days that followed Spencer's proposal and had I played it for her one night. That night had ended with us naked in the hot tub.

I closed my eyes and started to sing.

"Friday night beneath the stars,
In our clearing at your farm,
You and I are paintin' pictures in the sky.
And sometimes we don't say a thing;
Just listen to the crickets sing.
Everything I need is right here by my side.
And I know everything about you
I don't wanna live without you.

I'm only up when you're not down.
Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground.
It's like no matter what I do.
Well you drive me crazy half the time;
The other half I'm only trying to let you know that what I feel is true.
And I'm only me when I'm with you.

Just a pair of small town girls
Livin' in a crazy world.
Tryin' to figure out what is and isn't true.
And I don't try to hide my tears.
The secrets or my deepest fears.
Through it all nobody gets me like you do.
And you know everything about me.
You say that you can't live without me.

I'm only up when you're not down.
Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground.
It's like no matter what I do.
Well you drive me crazy half the time;
the other half I'm only trying to let you know that what I feel is true.
And I'm only me when I'm with you.

When I'm with anybody else it's so hard to be myself.
Only you can tell.

I'm only up when you're not down.
Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground.
It's like no matter what I do.
Well you drive me crazy half the time;
The other half I'm only trying to let you know that what I feel is true.
And I'm only me when I'm with you."

I sung the last word and let the music fade as I opened my eyes. I let out a sigh and bit my lip. It had been a long time since I'd played any of my old songs. After the drugs I'd refused to play anything but the music on my last album. That album was a fucking abomination and an embarrassment. It didn't even sound like me, I was so out of it.

After Kyla, I had cut Spencer out of not only my personal life, but my professional one too. I think I knew that she would use music to help her grieve and there was no way I was in the right head space to perform any songs she'd written during that period.

Instead of being a grown up and telling her that, I'd thrown a diva tantrum and demanded Ethan get me a new song writer. The song writer I'd ended up agreeing to was the complete opposite of Spencer and had managed to help me make the worst album of songs I had ever heard. My career was never going to survive that.

Maybe one day in the future I'd be able to get a new start, try again. Play my old stuff for the fans who still remained loyal and hoped for a return of the old Ashley Davies, maybe I'd even be able to record some new stuff? Maybe Spencer and I could...well I guess we'd see about that.

I put the guitar down and lay back on the bed with my hands cradling my head. I closed my eyes and let my mind loose on lyrics and melodies. Now that my mind was clear of drugs and alcohol I had an overwhelming number of ideas for songs racing around.

I pulled my hands out from behind my head and stared at my rings. I ran my fingers over them and gently slipped them off my fingers and held them in my palm. I wouldn't feel right wearing them until Spencer and I were together again. I hoped soon I would get to see them permanently on my ring finger again.

Song used in this Chapter: I'm Only Me When I'm With You – Taylor Swift (lyrics altered slights to better suit the story)