I am sorry in advance.

Chapter Twenty Eight

Today had been an absolute disaster, and Melody didn't have high hopes of things improving.

First the smokehouse had gone up in flames, then a fight had broken out, -Murphy launched himself at the camper responsible for the fire and then fists were suddenly flying in every direction as the two boys duked it out- and now, Raven had informed them that they were completely out of bullets. Everything just kept getting better and better for the 100. Most days, it felt like the odds were stacked against them.

As Melody stood there, staring at the burnt remains of their food supply, it suddenly occurred to her that surviving the winter -permitted they made it to winter, what with the grounders watching their every move- was going to be a lot harder than she had initially figured. At the very least, they needed to make do until the Ark could manage to send them another exodus ship with sufficient supplies which, given their last attempt, could take a while. They had no real shelter, no blankets, no warm clothes, no experience with any sort of bad weather, and now they had no food.

"Can we fix it?" Jasper stood beside Melody, solemnly staring at the charred smokehouse.

"No." Melody shook her head. "Even if we can repair the smokehouse, there's nothing we can do to save the meat."

"Bummer." He gazed at the remains for only a moment or two longer, then set his curious sights on Melody.

"Yeah." She agreed with a nod, and then a sigh. "Total bummer."

"What are we going to do?"

"Why are you asking me?" So maybe she was a little irritable, but it was only because of the fact that her stress level was off the charts. "Do I look like the one in charge?"

"Melody." Jasper gave her an almost scolding look, as if silently telling her not to ask such stupid questions. "What are we going to do?"

She sighed softly yet again and shrugged her shoulders. "What else can we do? We're going to hunt. Everyone who is willing and able."

"Hunt as in bow and arrows? Spears?"

"Well, yeah."

"Count me out."

"Come on, Jasper." Pleaded Melody, who had kind of been looking forward to partnering up with him. "We make a good team."

"Mels, we don't have a very good track record when it comes to sharp objects." He yanked down the collar of his shirt, exposing the scar on his chest.

"So?"

"So, I'd rather not have a repeat of the last time I came into contact with a spear."

"Yeah, but this time you'd be the one wielding the spear. You'd be the stabber, not the stabee."

"Not happening." Jasper was firm in his decision, and there was no swaying him. "Why don't you ask your boyfriend to be your partner?"

"Jasper." Melody found herself scowling, not overly fond of the way he said the word, as if it left a bad taste in his mouth. "Bellamy isn't my boyfriend. We're just friends."

"Really?" Jasper raised his eyebrows slightly, doubting her.

"Yes, really." She almost sounded convincing.

"Well, aren't I your friend?" He asked.

Confused, Melody frowned at him. "Don't be stupid. Of course you're my friend." As far as Melody was concerned, Jasper was practically family.

"Well then how come you've never tried to shove you tongue down my throat, like you do Bellamy's? Should I be offended?" He grinned down at her wildly, arms crossed over his chest as he waited for an answer.

Melody blinked up at Jasper in surprise, and then she laughed. Had anyone else said something like that, they would have gotten a black eye. But it was Jasper, and there were a lot of things he could say to Melody that she wouldn't normally allow.

Figuring that she would humor him, Melody stretched up on her tiptoes and quickly pecked his lips. It was totally worth it when Jasper's face twisted into a sour expression, and he wiped his lips off with the sleeve of his jacket. Not the reaction she typically hoped for when kissing someone, but right now it was perfect.

"There. Now you've got no reason to be offended." Melody told him, unable to stop herself from grinning at the horrified look on his face. "Want another?"

"No!" Jasper said quickly, shaking his head. He took a step away from her, and then another, acting as if she was contagious or something. "You're something else, you know that?"

"So I've been told."

Melody watched as he walked away in a daze, and she was still snickering to herself. Kissing Jasper was the equivalent of kissing a brother. Or, she was sure it would be if she actually had a brother to kiss and compare to. Any and all feelings she had towards Jasper always had been and would always remain platonic. It sure was fun to mess with him, though, and to get his feathers all sorts of ruffled.

She turned around, intent on finding her bow, but instead found a grumpy looking Bellamy standing right in front of her. He always looked grumpy, and at this point in time Melody found his grumpy face to be almost endearing. After everything that had transpired between the two of them, she found it nearly impossible to be in a bad mood when Bellamy was around.

Nearly.

"Oh." Melody stopped short, tilting her head so that she could look up at him. A smile played on the edge of her lips. "Hello there."

Bellamy didn't waste his time with pleasantries, nor did he bother to beat around the bush. "Did you just kiss Jasper?"

"Well I wouldn't call it a kiss exactly." Melody shrugged lazily.

"Your lips touched his."

"Indeed they did."

"On purpose."

"Of course."

"I don't like it." Bellamy said simply, crossing his arms over his chest. His brown gaze was narrowed slightly as he stared down at Melody, looking very unamused.

Melody wasn't very experienced with boys and dating and kissing, but she recognized jealousy when she saw it. It was there, in the tightness of his jaw and the tension in his stance. Bellamy was upset by the fact that she'd been kissing someone else. While she should have been remorseful or apologetic, Melody was amused even further by this realization. Bellamy was jealous. Of Jasper Jordan no less.

"Oh?" Melody felt a sudden burst of laughter coming on, but she did her best to smother it with a cough. "I'm sorry."

"This isn't funny, Melody." Bellamy was obviously in a no-joking kind of mood.

"It is funny. You're getting all worked up over nothing, Bellamy. It was just a little peck on the lips and it meant nothing to either one of us. Jasper was so grossed-out that I thought he might get sick all over my shoes." Melody assured him, figuring that this would ease whatever troubles he might have. "You've got nothing to worry about."

"I'm not worried." Bellamy scoffed.

"Oh?" Her eyebrows flew up in disbelief as she listened to Bellamy speak, half-wondering if even he believed the words he was saying. "Is that so?"

"Everyone knows who you belong to, Melody." He shrugged his shoulders, appearing to be anything but concerned. "No one's stupid enough to cross me."

Melody stared at Bellamy, her eyes wide with shock. She found it hard to believe that Bellamy, of all people, had just spoken to her like that. If there was anyone who respected the fact that Melody was strong and independent and proud, if was him. Or so she had thought.

He. Did. Not. Just. Say. That.

Eventually the shock wore off, and anger quickly replaced it. Melody's barely-contained temper was quickly threatening to consume her as she repeated the words in her mind, over and over again. Everyone knows who you belong to, Melody. The audacity of this man both surprised and infuriated her. She was not an object. She belonged to no one. It seemed that Bellamy Blake had become far too comfortable with her, and he now believed that he could say whatever he damn well pleased.

If that's what he thought, boy had another thing coming.

"Come again?" Melody asked, giving him one -and only one- chance to take back the offensive words that he'd just thrown in her face.

Bellamy remained as stubborn as ever. Straightening, he clenched his jaw and remained impassive, staring her down. Gone was the easy-going, likeable Bellamy that she had come to know rather well over the last few days. In his place was the tyrant, the man who thought he held enough power to control everything.

"I belong to no one. You, least of all. How dare you suggest otherwise? I am a human being, Bellamy; not some toy. I don't exist simply for your amusement. I am free to make my own decisions, whether you like them or not. If I want to kiss Jasper, I'm going to kiss him. And if you don't like it, well maybe you could act like a civilized human being instead of letting your jealousy speak for you."

"Jealous?" Bellamy laughed, the sound spiteful and unfamiliar. "I'm not jealous."

"Yes, you are." Melody said, refusing to humor him. "And I understand why you're jealous, although I believe your jealousy is unwarranted. Jasper is just a friend."

"So, you kiss all of your friends, huh?" Demanded Bellamy, arching a brow in question.

"Apparently. I kissed you, didn't I?"

"Since when am I your friend?" His gaze darkened immensely, and suddenly Bellamy looked angry. More than just angry; he looked offended. As if he had any right to be offended after the things he'd said to her.

"When did you express the desire to be more than friends?" Countered Melody, who was glad to be keeping her head through the majority of this argument.

"I guess I didn't." He shook his head slowly. "And I don't think I ever will."

That wasn't what Melody was expecting to hear. For some unexplainable reason, the words hurt. Bellamy might be a pain in the ass, but he'd always been her pain in the ass. For a long time now, things had been building between the two of them, whether they were willing to admit it or not. Melody had assumed that eventually he would want to become more than just her friend. Hell, she'd wanted the same thing. But now…now she wasn't so sure.

"Careful, Blake." Warned Melody. "Your true colors are beginning to show."

"The colors haven't changed, sweetheart." Bellamy smiled bitterly and opened his arms, sweeping them out wide. "I'm still the same man I've always been. I still have the same sparkling personality."

"Sparkling? I think you mean condescending, you self-centered asshole. Stop acting like you're the same guy who came down here on the dropship, because you're not. You've changed, Bellamy. Even if you refuse to admit it. Don't play small, just because you're angry with me. Have you no self-respect?"

"Apparently not."

"There you go again, acting like nothing matters. You're insufferable!"

"Me? You're the one who does whatever the hell she wants, everyone else be damned. You're infuriating."

"You know what? If I'm so infuriating, do us both a favor. Just stay away from me."

Melody was fed up with arguing. There were more pressing matters at hand, and right now she had a million and one things that she could be doing. She brushed past Bellamy, fully intent on grabbing her bow and joining the hunting party. She had barely made it a few steps when Bellamy reached out and grabbed her arm, pulling her to a stop.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"I don't think I'm going anywhere." Melody pulled her arm out of his grip, sending him a glare that would have put the fear of God in a weaker man. "I know I'm going on a hunting trip."

"Hunting?" Bellamy's attitude suddenly shifted. "You're not going hunting."

"Excuse me?" There he went, thinking he could somehow control her. "You don't tell me what I can and cannot do, Bellamy."

Apparently, Bellamy had cooled down enough to be civil. "Melody, there are grounders out there. We're in the middle of a war. If you go out there, you're liable to end up with another arrow in the side; or worse."

"Oh? And why do you care so much, Bellamy?" She wondered, refusing to let go of the anger inside of her despite his obvious concern for her well-being. It was a little too late to play the doting boyfriend card.

"Don't be stupid, Melody. You can be pissed at me all you want; inside the camp. There are others who can go in your place."

"Our people need food. I know how to use a bow and arrow better than anyone. Whether you like it or not, I'm going on that hunting trip. My feelings for you are not going to prohibit me from taking care of those who rely on me. Nor are your ridiculous concerns."

"Since when are you so hell-bent on putting yourself in harm's way?" Asked Bellamy, who was quickly becoming exasperated. Apparently he was allowed to be rational, now that he'd already voiced all of his frustrations.

Melody began walking backwards now, quickly, as she heard people beginning to call for last-minute hunters. Her green gaze remained locked on Bellamy's as she shrugged her shoulders and spread her arms open wide. "I'm the same woman I've always been. I've still got the same sparkling personality." With that, she turned her back on him and broke into a jog, leaving Bellamy alone with his thoughts.

|oOo|

Why did she have to kiss Jasper?

If Melody would have just kept her lips to herself -or, preferably, if she'd just been content with kissing him- then Bellamy wouldn't have made a complete ass of himself in front of her. Being the good guy was proving to be hard, especially at times like this. Bellamy would have loved to be the kind of man Melody wanted, the kind of man she deserved, without even trying. But he couldn't. Being good and friendly and open-minded didn't come naturally to him. She knew that. She knew the kind of guy he was right from that very first day. And yet, she'd still given him a chance.

So what did Bellamy do? He threw it back in her face, of course.

It wasn't really the kiss so much as the who she had kissed. If Bellamy had seen her kiss Monty or Finn or even Murphy, he could have been understanding. He could have had a reasonable conversation, and he could have explained to Melody why he didn't want her running around kissing other guys, no matter how innocent things might be. But it wasn't one of them. It was Jasper freaking Jordan, of all people.

Bellamy didn't hate Jasper; he seemed like a good kid. Always willing to help, hard-working, and the kind of guy you could rely on. In another life, maybe the two of them could have been good friends. But this life included Melody Pond. And Bellamy knew that so long as she had Jasper by her side, she would never really need him. And for some reason, that rubbed him the wrong way. He wanted to be the one she needed, the one she wanted. He wanted to laugh with her, to joke with her as easily and naturally as Jasper could. He wanted to know every part of Melody, the good and the bad and everything in-between. He wanted to have her trust and her undying loyalty. No, more than that; he wanted to be deserving of it.

The relationship between Melody and Jasper was puzzling to everyone, himself included. The two of them had a bond that rivaled no other. They had proven just how far they were willing to go for one another, which included risking their own lives. As far as Bellamy could tell, they'd only known each other since the first day on Earth. Yet they acted like they'd been friends since the beginning of time. It was obvious that they loved each other. You could see it in the way they looked at one another. It might not be romantic, but that didn't matter. Love was love and what they had wasn't just intense; it was intimidating.

So, he'd gotten a little jealous. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't opened his big mouth and made things even worse. Everyone knows who you belong to. Why had he said something as stupid and insensitive as that? Bellamy knew that Melody had done a lot to prove herself and earn the respect that she so rightly deserved. And yet, with just a few simple words, he'd stomped on everything she had worked so hard to achieve. And why? Because he was jealous of a little kiss? It wasn't like he owned her. He hadn't even asked her to be his girlfriend yet. And now, he probably wouldn't get the chance.

Bellamy wasn't the kind of guy who liked talking about his feelings. It was much easier to just put up a wall between himself and the rest of the world. But when he was with Melody, things were different. He wanted her to know how she made him feel. How did she make him feel? Happy. When Bellamy was with her, he was able to forget about all the horrors in the world. All he could see was her. When they were together, everything about Melody Pond absolutely consumed him. Her smile, her laugh, her ability to make him feel like almost normal, opposed to feeling like a complete and total screw-up. Maybe it wasn't love, but it was the closest thing to it that he had ever known.

And now, he'd gone and screwed it all up.

Bellamy made his way towards his tent, needing a distraction. He couldn't dwell on his argument with Melody, and worrying about her would drive him crazy. Taking inventory would be a good way to occupy his time, and if he was feeling generous -or bored- then he might even stop by to help Raven make the bullets that they so desperately needed. Or, maybe he'd just say screw it and take a nap.

As Bellamy stepped into the tent, he was surprised to realize that he wasn't alone. His gaze roamed over towards a girl, but not one that had ever frequented his tent. Bellamy made sure to place his gun down nicely on the floor before he began approaching her, now more curious than ever.

"What are you doing here?" He wondered, not able to comprehend why she might visit his tent. Did she need to talk? Bellamy hoped not. He had given her somewhat of a pep talk this morning, but that was only because she was thinking of leaving them. Raven was a good mechanic and the only one who could make the bullets. They needed her.

"They don't waste time. I'll give them that." She said, shaking her head. For a moment, Raven looked almost vulnerable. It struck Bellamy as odd that she, a woman who had always seemed so tough, was capable of looking like a wounded puppy. What had happened to put her in such a state?

"It's been what…a day and a half?" She continued, looking to him, as if for confirmation.

It was then that Bellamy realized what she was talking about. How could he have forgotten about the infamous Finn/Clarke/Raven love triangle so easily? Things had been tense between the three of them for a long time now. Bellamy had stopped caring about it long ago, if he'd ever even cared to begin with.

"You've mistaken me for someone who cares." Bellamy sounded bored, but he couldn't help it. His fight with Melody had already put him in a bad mood, and he wasn't in any state to listen about Raven's relationship troubles. "Time to move on."

Figuring that Raven would take the hint and get out, Bellamy began to undo his belt, pulling it and all of its accessories -an axe, a knife, and a water bottle- away from his body. As he was busy pulling off the belt, he saw Raven sit down, obviously with no intention of leaving. He was about to tell her to get out and leave him alone, when suddenly he noticed something. She was taking off her shoes.

"What are you doing?" Asked Bellamy, eyeing her suspiciously. He returned his attention to his belt, finally freeing himself of the extra weight. He tossed it to the ground and then focused on his guest once more.

Bellamy looked up just in time to see Raven slide out of her jeans. He blinked a couple of times and then swallowed thickly, finally understanding why she'd come to his tent. Bellamy knew that he should have told her to leave right then, but he didn't. Instead, he found his gaze lingering on her lithe body, watching as she kicked off her pants and began to walk towards him. And still, he didn't object.

When Raven reached him, Bellamy raised his gaze to her face and gave her a slightly amused look. He watched as she pulled her hair free of its ponytail, allowing the long, brown locks to fall down her back. His head tilted to the side slightly as he watched, remaining silent. He'd always loved brown hair. It was the color of his hair, of his mother's hair, and Octavia's hair. Bellamy was never the type to stray from what he knew. Yet, as he stared at Raven, trying to think of her as beautiful, he couldn't. Maybe she was someone's kind of beautiful, but she wasn't his.

Maybe if her hair had a bit more red in it, and her eyes lightened into a soft moss-green. Maybe if her tanned skin was ivory, with just a dash of freckles across the bridge of her nose and her cheekbones. Maybe if she looked at him and actually saw him, as a person and not as some sort of tool for revenge. Maybe if she loved him, not for his power or his influence or his seductive smirk; but for him. Maybe then she would be the kind of beautiful that Bellamy wanted. The kind of beautiful that he needed.

Still, he didn't stop her.

"I've never been with anyone but Finn." Raven said, probably more for her benefit than for his. It wasn't like Bellamy cared who she'd been with. Right now she was with him, and that was all that mattered. "Take off your clothes."

Bellamy hesitated, staring at her. He clenched his jaw and blinked a few times, making no move to comply. He wasn't objecting, but he also wasn't making the first move. Why? Bellamy was always the one who made the first move. He took what he wanted, and he wasn't shy about it. Yet this time…this time it was different.

She'll hate you for this, said a little voice in the back of his mind.

There was no question about who the "she" was. There was only one woman in Bellamy's life who would care about something like this. He knew that to sleep with Raven would be an act of ultimate betrayal. He knew that in the end, when this was all over, the few moments of pleasure wouldn't be worth losing the girl that he lo…loathed.

All of a sudden, Bellamy remembered how he'd felt earlier that afternoon. How angry he'd felt, how betrayed. And suddenly, he wanted to hurt Melody. He wanted to give her a taste of her own medicine, to show her exactly how it felt to be on the receiving end of disloyalty.

You don't mean that, said the same little voice. You don't want to see her hurt. You're just looking for a way to feel better about this.

And maybe he was.

But why should he feel angry? If Melody could kiss other people, didn't he have the same right? Melody had made it perfectly clear that she wanted nothing to do with him. She had stormed angrily out of camp, ignoring his concerns and insisting that he leave her alone. And besides, it wasn't like they were together. They'd kissed a couple of times, sure, but as Melody had plainly pointed out, a kiss was just a kiss. It didn't mean anything…right?

"Fine." Said Raven, who was taking Bellamy's reluctance as a sign of him being unwilling or maybe even shy. "I'll go first."

The rest of the clothes came off then. Bellamy clenched his jaw harder than ever before and put both hands on his hips, doing his best to continue looking her in the eye. But, he was a guy, and eventually his gaze flickered downwards, before coming to rest on her face once more.

"If you're looking for someone to talk you down, tell you that you're just upset and not thinking straight…I'm not that guy." He warned her. That was the plain, hard truth. He wasn't the kind of guy to do such a thing. He couldn't even do it to himself.

Their gazes clashed and held, for what felt like an eternity. Time seemed to pass slowly, and Bellamy was well aware of the sound of his own heartbeat in his ears. Some might call it warning bells. Bellamy was sure that Raven would re-think he decision and leave, but she didn't. Instead, she looked up at him and said, "Good."

Raven moved forward and then she was kissing him, hard, on the lips.

Bellamy knew that he should stop her. For many reasons, but the most prominent being the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. This was wrong. He knew it was wrong, just by the way she kissed him. Hard, urgent, like she was trying to forget. Melody never kissed him like that. She kissed him soft and sweet, wanting to make each moment last. This was wrong…this was so, so wrong and it was a decision that could shatter everything he'd built for himself.

Still, he didn't stop her.