Chapter Twenty-eight
The Beginning Not the End
Having sorted Gustave out Meg and I were left time to explore our relationship in peace. If I had to spend so much quality time with anyone else I believe my disposition would be slightly less welcoming. It is wearing on ones nerves to live daily with another person. The rewards are worth the price to my privacy and old habit of keeping secrets. I am not saying I am not allowed privacy at all but occupying a home and a bed on those special nights we risk discovery does cut into my time alone. As if Meg sensed my quandry she deliberatley set about taking trips to town that lasted long into the evening.
I can't say I cared for being left to my own devices without so much as an inquiry if I would care to partake of some entertainment with her. One evening confronting Meg with the accusation she had grown tired of me I found to my embarrassement that I did not have a leg to stand on. As I ranted on and on Meg sat sedately in a chair with her hands foled with a very secretive smile on her face. When she reminded me that I had made it known to her that I wouldn't mind some time to myself I glossed over that and continued to rant. Halfway through my tirade Meg's laughter brought me abruptly to a halt in mid speech.
I stared at her in anger for half a minute until my words I just spoke came back to me. I had been going on and on about a man needing some privacy then in the next breath declared a woman should not leave someone she professes to love alone so often. To her credit she did not inform me that women need time alone at times also or that I was arguing both points in oposition of the other. Needless to say I did the only thing a sane man would do. I kissed her senseless and took her to bed. I am sure we reached heaven that night as I am positive I heard Meg calling me a god during our journey and still we did not join our bodies to seek our pleasure. I wonder if the world will end when we eventually do come together.
After that Meg and I stopped trying to hide our intimacy. We are all consenting adults in this house and besides, I pay their salary.
It grew harder and harder to keep to my vow not to take Meg completely before our marriage. During a rather intimate moment I suddenly felt the need to call a halt before breeching the last barrier between Meg and I becoming one. Christine and I anticipated our nuptials if there would have been any and I did not want to begin my life as Meg's husband having taken away from her the right to think of herself as a virgin. To me all those men from the past do not exist in our world. I think of her as still being the innocent, shy yet sometimes vivacious little flirt from the early days at the opera house. She cried buckets when I gave her my explanation for stopping just on the brink of our union. I am no saint and it was extremely hard to pull back but it was worth it to see how affected Meg was by my gesture.
Meg and I were in no hurry to make our union official in the eyes of God and society. It was enough for us to know that we loved one another. Raoul managed to hold off his own wedding for six months. His bride wanted a proper wedding as well as a virginal one. Frustration does tax a man's patience. Lucky for me Meg is willing to test the waters in other ways. Our relationship isn't all about the sexual gratification although that is a definite bonus. No, what we have is an all encompassing melding of two lives into one. Each day we discover something new about the other or find something we want to share with the other. I suppose we behave like young sweethearts. I didn't have the chance to experience that with Christine so I am all the happier I can share it with Meg.
Everyone expected to hear an announcement but Meg and I kept our little secret or maybe not so secret judging by the smiles I get from the menfolk and the frown I get from Cook. We didn't need anyone but each other and occasionally Gustave. Raoul's wedding provided enough pomp and circumstance to keep the gossips happy for ages. Our nuptials wouldn't even cause a ripple on the pond so why rush things? Meg and I liked having this one thing that only we shared, at least for a little while. They could speculate until the cows came home but they wouldn't know for sure until we told them point blank.
Gustave is a little worried about how he fits into this newly developing family dynamics. Everyone tries to reassure him of his place. No one wants a return of the demon living inside of him. We vanquished him once but maybe we wouldn't be so lucky a second time. Meg keeps my demon on a very tight rein. She understands the workings of my mind better than I do. When I am about to get derailed it is her calm voice of reason pulling me back from the edge of destruction.
To help ease my conscience I sent Fleck enough funds to last for a good while if she is careful. I even felt magnanimous enough to invite her to come back and work for me. Her little betrayal with Heinrich aside she was a loyal employee. Besides Meg and I concluded that Fleck had been duped by Heinrich and didn't know of his evil plans.
Madame also received a settlement from me once I located her. The invitation I sent to her came a little reluctantly but it did come. Meg still needs her mother. I never had one yet even I feel the need for a mother's nurturing once in a while. I never had it so don't really miss it, not like Meg does. The more time I spend with Meg the more I would like to see her swollen with my child. Creating life and being present at the emergence of new life must be a profound experience, one I want to share with Meg.
My most recent misdeed almost came to light due to Raoul's meddling. Out of the blue he suggested a certain stand of trees would make a perfect place to build a cottage for Madame Giry. I nearly choked on my tea and had to come up with something off the top of my head that sounded convincing as to why that land should remain untouched. I had to commit myself to replanting hundreds of trees in an attempt at reclamation of the forest. It is a worthy cause and will benefit me and future generations but I would rather it be one of my future relatives putting in all the necessary work on planning the darn thing.
Meg thinks I am becoming some civic minded do-gooder. I cannot disabuse her damn Raoul's interfering eyes to hell. I have to say I didn't mind the loving attention my generosity reaped from Meg. What she does to me almost brings me to the brink of giving in and claiming her totally for my own. At present we are content to explore one another. She is young and I am still in my prime. Of necessity our wedding will be an intimate affair. We know so few people. Not needing to plan a large affair leaves us free to decide on a day that suits us not when it is convenient to fit in with the social season. If we awake one morning and have an epiphany we will seek out a justice of the peace. I do not practice a religion nor has Meg been a practicing her faith on a constant basis for many years. Only recently has she taken trips to the city for morning mass. So very subtly a less observant man would not notice anything Meg is introducing me to the idiosyncrasies of her faith. If it makes her happy to seek to save my immortal soul then I am happy to oblige her whim. Even if one doesn't hold any belief in one particular god or any god at all the teachings of the church are a sound guideline for treating one another how we would want to be treated. Where is the harm in that?
Just to be clear on the subject of children I asked her how many children she would like to have. Her answer caused my legs to give way and have a need to seek a chair. It is her plan to leave it in the hands of God. How many children could she possibly bear in the next twenty or so years? By then I am assuming her days of fertility would come to an end. I could be wrong of course. It is staggering to contemplate and nerve wracking as well. I know of ways to prevent the seed of my loin from becoming implanted in her womb. I also know of ways to end such a thing if it comes at an inconvenient time. I have to admit I don't know if I could use any such method to control how and when a child is brought into the world. Preventing it beforehand is one thing but ending it after conception is not something I like to think about.
I suppose we are destined to have a dozen or more offspring. Somehow the idea of so many of my progeny running around disturbs me less and less. Raoul announcing he is to be a father again awoke my own need to propagate. In aid of this I set a romantic dinner out on the veranda lit by a good number of candles. The perfect wine and the perfect food set the mood. I can't rightly remember if it was my playing a new composition I wrote for Meg or the wine I plied her with that won Meg over into my bed. Actually it wasn't that hard as she always let me share intimate exchanges with her any time I liked. I like to think I finessed her into making love to me. In the end it didn't matter as we fulfilled our expectation and then some.
Two weeks later Meg and I were wed. Little Alexia Christine was born nine months later. Much to my shock only ten months later Erik Raoul came into the world. Not wanting to risk Meg's health and not willing to forgo the pleasures of my marital bed I practiced control of when we would beget another child. Meg left that entirely in my hands. I think she allows me this one thing as in everything else she and our children rule the roost. I am weak but also strong because I love them all so fiercely. We have agreed that at least two years must be between all our future children.
My deformity has so far not been passed on to any of my children. If one should be afflicted we will deal with it far better than my own parents. Madame, or Antoinette as I call her now, has come back into our lives. The past is left where it belongs, in the past. Besides I am too full of the bounty life has to offer me to worry about petty grudges.
Fleck came to visit for a few months. It took her a while to get to the point of her visit but she did finally reveal her ulterior motive. With the funds I gave her she purchased a large house, one with twenty rooms. She converted it into an establishment that houses young talented artistic hopefuls. It took her a few days to reveal all her plans. In the end she asked if I would be interested in teaching voice classes and music. Meg of course would teach dance. As this filled a need for both of us we jumped at the opportunity. We may never perform in front of an audience again but one of our pupils might become a gift to the world.
Over the thirty years we participated in the Academy of Fine Arts there was at least one student every year that outshined everyone else. We encouraged everyone to pursue their goals but it was to those few special students we gave the world. My children and my wife did not have to hang their heads in shame because of me. They had reason to be proud of me and to admire me. They even aspired to walk in my shoes.
I have thought this many times but it bears repeating, "Life can be lived alone but now I do not have to."
Finis
A/N: Hope you enjoyed our journey. Leave me one final review if you please. Those reading my stories fuel my creativity.
