A/N Sorry for the long wait. I'm sick so luckily that gives me time to update. Unfortunately because I'm sick I'm having trouble focusing so sorry if the chapter came out strange. I did my best! :) I would make this longer but I'm falling asleep. :P So this is it. Enjoy.
"Drew?"
Drew sat straight up on his couch where he had been laying, phone held tightly to his ear. "May?" He heard her affirming sound on the other line and tried not to let his heart jumping be noticeable in his tone. "Are you okay?"
"Huh? Yeah. I'm sorry. Max and Mom said you came over a lot when I was sick, so I-I wanted to call you."
Drew swallowed. Carefully he tried to word his question. "So you... you're feeling okay?"
"Mm-Hmm."
"Do you know what you were sick with?"
"Uh..." May let out a nervous laugh. "I guess I had whatever Max had, but he didn't seem to have it as bad as me. I was really tired."
"You said your stomach hurt."
"Yeah. At first. I don't remember it hurting much after that, but maybe I slept... Wait. How did you-"
"When I found you. You told me your stomach hurt."
May was silent for a moment. "Oh. Mom... Mom said you found me. I just figured I was out when you got there already. I don't remember that."
Drew frowned.
"How did you know I was there?" There was an edge of guilty nervousness in her voice.
Drew sighed under his breath. Carefully he thought over his words then spoke. "Victor called me. He had my number."
"Ah," she responded, a squeak in her voice.
"You're okay?" He asked again. He couldn't help it.
The energy between them instantly changed. May responded softly, "Yeah, I'm okay. All better."
Drew worried silently. "You said you thought you were out when I got there. What's the last thing you remember?"
May sighed. "Um... I don't know. It's kind of fuzzy."
Drew lifted his other hand to his forehead and ran in tiredly through his hair. "Okay," he muttered. "Call me if you feel weird, okay?" In one moment a blush lit his face. "That is... Just call me if something feels weird. I just... You were really... sick."
Drew listened to the silent phone nervously till May finally whispered, "Okay."
Drew felt relief fill him. And with that gone he remembered Ash's suggestion. His stomach was suddenly tight again. "Look May..."
"Yeah?"
Drew bit at the inside of his cheek. A war raged within him ending in a sick feeling in his stomach. "Nothing. Just call me if you don't feel right. I've got to do something but, um, I'll call you later. Alright?"
There was something different in her tone when she said, "Okay. I'll be here." Something happy.
Drew swallowed and nodded even though she couldn't see, and hung up. The dark room seemed to echo around him in the sudden silence. Quietly he contemplated their conversation. May had been sick for three days. And while it was coincidental enough that her brother was sick too, Drew didn't feel like considering coincidence anymore.
The receptionist didn't try to stop Drew this time as he made his way through the building. Victor was quick about opening the door when he rapped rather loudly on it.
Victor blinked at him in surprise, and Drew pushed past him into the room.
Victor turned as Drew walked in and watched him warily. "Your session isn't today."
"I know that," Drew turned back to him abruptly.
Victor paused. "I have a session in five minutes."
"Okay," Drew stated distractedly. This had to be Victor, not Jackson. 'Good,' he thought.
Victor watched him warily. "What can I do for you Drew?"
"Did you do something to her?"
Victor blinked, eyes widening. "What?" He asked, voice much louder.
Drew felt his stomach jump. He quelled the nervousness quickly. "Did you hurt her? Are you the reason she was sick?"
Victor just stared at him, mouth open, looking more and more disturbed. "Who?"
Drew swallowed. His old insecurities were arising as Victor stared at him. But he had to finish. "May," he muttered.
"May what-"
"May! My friend! The one you called and told me to pick up, because she suddenly felt like fainting in your office."
Victor's eyes widened. "Oh. ...Right."
Drew looked at him with irritation.
When Victor just stared at him nervously Drew realized the stupid mistake he had just made. Victor hadn't called him. Jackson had. Victor wouldn't remember that.
Well, maybe it wasn't a stupid mistake.
"So you did nothing to her? You just... had a nice talk and suddenly she falls over?"
Victor continued to just stare at him and Drew's frustration grew. He was being blunt, and maybe it was panic that caused it after talking to May. Usually he would have shied from this confrontation, but something in the conversation with her had sparked something in him. A horrible panic without name. May wouldn't, couldn't go through anything like what he had been through. The very thought, the very possibility, had sparked more motivation than anything else had thus far.
It was terrifying.
And so he continued to glare at Victor, his stomach in knots, and said the only thing he could think of to get through to him. "Why don't you ask Jackson?"
Victor's eyes widened. For a moment silence was in the room. Victor swallowed. "Who... Who's Jackson?"
Drew ground his teeth. "You have to know who he is. Some part of you-"
A knock at the door made Victor jump and Drew glare. Victor glanced to the door then back to Drew. "I... have a session."
Drew felt his desperation grow. "Wait."
"Why don't you... come back tomorrow? For your session. We can talk then."
Drew's heart clenched. He couldn't wait. He couldn't. He shut his eyes, clenched his fists in frustration.
"You should leave."
Drew froze. Slowly he opened his eyes and found Victor's gaze slightly narrowed. Suddenly a face just as intense as his was staring back at him. Jackson? He wasn't sure.
The door opened behind them, but neither moved. "Um, Victor?" a soft voice asked.
Drew glanced behind them. Victor's glare dissolved to a smile in a moment. He turned to face the girl in the same moment that he said her name. "Victoria. Why don't you come in and have a seat?"
Victoria, long blond hair and blue eyes and very much the girl Drew had seen multiple times now was peeking into the room. She nodded and slipped in, shutting the door behind her. Drew watched her intently. She reminded him of the box, and he couldn't help but wonder...
"If you'll excuse us, we really should get on to her session," Victor said quietly.
His voice pulled Drew's gaze back to him. Drew could only focus on him a moment though before he again looked back to Victoria. She was thin, and her picture was a good representation of her, but a beautiful girl no doubt. Drew remembered the one time he had walked in on them, of her closed eyes that didn't open even when Drew opened the door. It was no wonder Victor wanted him to leave.
Her closed eyes...
"I'd like to stay," Drew said, still staring at Victoria. She blinked and Victor frowned. "Would you mind?" He asked her.
Victoria blinked at him then looked nervously to Victor. "Uh, well, I-I guess not."
"You don't have to allow it, Victoria. Sessions are private."
Drew looked at him. "Can you do group sessions?"
Victor paused. His mouth opened, then shut. "Victoria is paying for this time. It's hardly fair to her."
Drew watched him carefully then moved across the room without a word, sitting in the other chair. "I'll pay for mine."
Drew tried to hide the nervous knots in his stomach. Victoria watched him warily, yet curiously, and Victor stood in spot some seconds longer before sighing and joining them were they were.
Half an hour later Drew almost regretted his choice. He had called it a group session but it was harder to talk about things with more than one person there. He tried to give ambiguous answers. Victoria seemed as nervous as he was, and as he watched her he wasn't sure that he should have stayed.
At the end of the session they all stood and Victoria gave Victor a small smile before she slipped out of his office. Then Victor turned back to Drew, who still stood before his chair.
"I need to ask you something," Drew said.
Victor disregarded him and moved to the coat rack beside the door. "I have a meeting." He slipped the brown coat on and held the door open.
Drew let out a breath and joined him outside the door.
Victor was gone down the hallway before he could say anything.
Drew watched him go silently, contemplating his strange behavior.
Proof enough.
What should he do now? Tell someone that he was suspicious of Victor for something? Was that enough, or could Victor still mark him off as crazy without more evidence?
But evidence of what?
His phone ringing suddenly made him jump. Drew reached into his pocket quickly.
"Yeah?"
"Hi."
"May." He felt relief, though he wasn't sure why exactly. "Hi."
"Hi. Um. C-Could we... I was wondering if we could hang out at your house? I mean, Max is being annoying and, uh... it's been a little while."
Drew felt a warm feeling in his chest. He couldn't deny it any longer. And he wasn't sure he wanted to. May was more than a friend. Or he wanted her to be. He just wasn't sure yet that he was ready for it. That he was over enough to be able to go about it confidently. Still... "Yeah," he whispered. "I'll be home in a few minutes."
"Meet you there?"
"Meet you there."
May started to hang up and Drew's heart jumped as he continued to stare down the hall. "On second thought..."
May paused and he knew she was on the line.
"Let's meet in an hour."
May paused. "Okay."
Drew hung up and followed down the hallway where Victor had disappeared. He wasn't sure what he would do when he reached him.
And Drew wasn't sure if he was glad or nervous when he turned the corner of the dead end hallway and Victor was gone, probably through one of the many doors. And if through the lone elevator, long gone.
May still felt the need to get out of the house, even if she was to meet Drew an hour later. She felt discouraged at how tired her body still felt. The short walk to the small shops she and Ash, and Misty, and Drew had hung around weeks ago was far more tiring than it should've been.
She decided to hang out in the coffee shop, though it was the one place they had never really hung out in as a group. May and Drew had been there several times together, mostly when they were younger. Instead of coffee May would get hot chocolate and they would sit in the quiet and warm shop lit up with warm toned lights, while the world went on outside in the cold winter months.
She missed that.
Drew had a strangely consistent personality; now May had to wonder if that had something to do with his upbringing. He always sat in the same spot. May felt a sort of yearning for those years, when they had been just barely more than children and Drew, while still dealing with things silently, could still smile with her.
Maybe it was that yearning that made her order the hot chocolate, and then sit at the same table Drew had always been drawn to.
She had only been there for a few minutes when a familiar face came through the door.
May had to wonder at the coincidence that Victor would walk through that door right when she was there.
Victor didn't look at her. He went straight to the front counter and ordered coffee. May was far too distracted to pay attention to what kind he ordered. Then he turned around as if feeling someone's eyes on him and blinked.
"May."
May swallowed and offered a pained smile.
Victor stared at her a moment longer and smiled. "Funny to meet you here."
May nodded but couldn't get herself to speak. She couldn't help the funny feeling in her stomach, a nervousness. She tried to shake herself out of it, but it didn't want to leave.
Victor's smile dropped. He looked at he with concern. "Are you alright?"
May nodded again, feeling slightly pathetic when no words were forthcoming. Victor stared at her silently for a moment. "Mind if I sit with you?"
May looked up at him with surprise, then slowly shook her head. Victor gingerly sat in the seat across from her and placed his coffee in both hands on the table. May looked down at the table, unsure as to why she didn't want to look at him.
Victor continued to look at her with concern. "Are you feeling better?"
May blinked at the table, suddenly realizing that she had collapsed in his office, and felt herself blush. She looked up at him and offered and small smile. She nodded. "I'm alright now. A little tired. I... I'm sorry for passing out on you like that."
Victor smiled softly. "It's fine. As long as you're feeling alright."
May paused.
"You are... feeling alright?"
May startled, pulled from her thoughts and nodded quickly. "Yeah, I-I'm fine." She was so tired, and maybe it was directly related to that, but she was finding it hard not to slip into her thoughts again, almost like her body was trying to dream while she was still awake.
"How's Drew doing?"
"Uh... He's..." May felt discouraged when she couldn't find a word for how she was feeling about him or how he was doing and ended pathetically on, "...Drew."
Victor nodded softly, then watched her for a few silent moments. "You look tired."
May blinked up at him, her gaze once again drawn from her thoughts. She nodded. There was no denying that. Victor's gaze suddenly looked more concerned, and while it should have been comforting, May's stomach clenched in remembrance of the same expression on his face some point before she had passed out in his office.
"Is it just being sick, or do you need to talk?"
May felt the feeling in her stomach turn to a squeamish nervousness. She shifted a little and shrugged. She was feeling unbalanced, and still a little sick, and so tired. She couldn't deny that she was feeling a little more emotional than usual as a result of it.
"I'm... Just..."
"Is it Drew?"
May frowned and shuffled a bit more. She opened her mouth to speak but couldn't figure out what to say. Sure, now that he mentioned it, she was worried about Drew. But she had been for a while. That was to be expected. But that didn't... make his question void.
May closed her eyes and brought a hand up to rub at her forehead and through her hair, a tired and stressed action that she just couldn't seem to hide, but it helped a bit.
"Or something else?"
May rested her face in her hand, eyes still closed and felt him watching, waiting for an answer. She opened her eyes tiredly. "I don't know," she answered honestly.
Victor watched her put her head back into her hand.
She was getting a headache, but she'd had a few of those today. She had to wonder if her stress wasn't making them worse.
Because she was stressed, wasn't she?
"You deserve more than this, May."
May stilled, moving her hand to the side and looking at Victor with a frown. "More than what?"
"You love him, don't you?"
May's eyes widened. There was no way, in her tired state, that she could stop the blush that spread across her already more-pale-than-normal face. Her gaze went down to the table, her face brilliantly illuminated in red. She had known for a while that she had loved him, but no one had ever called her on it. Now she wondered why. Was she that obvious? Why hadn't someone else pointed it out? Or was it Drew? He certainly didn't seem to want a relationship.
Victor sighed a little and muttered, "May, Drew is... a wonderful person. I've enjoyed having him as a patient. But he's..."
May looked up at him warily.
"Well, it might not be wise for you to place your... feelings in him right now."
May wasn't sure how to take that, and apparently Victor saw it because carefully he said, "Drew isn't in the right place to be in a relationship. I'm sorry to say this to you, but he can't cope with his own emotions... let alone reciprocate yours."
May felt the words like a cold knife to her heart.
But she knew the truth.
May looked between his eyes, unable to stop the small glare that rose with his words. She was too tired to monitor what she said. "He's stronger than you're making him out to be."
Victor looked back to her with understanding. "It's not about strength. He is strong, I'll give you that. The problem is that he has been through far too much, and it may in fact prevent him from being in a relationship. He can't handle very much right now, through no fault of his own."
She was shaking, she realized. And she was surprised to find that her emotions were as much stress as frustration.. Slowly she stood. Victor watched her carefully. Her words continued, uncensored. "With all respect," she whispered, "…you're wrong."
May left the hot chocolate without even realizing it. Victor watched her go with a frown. Before she was too far away, he stood. "May."
May paused but didn't look back.
"I understand that you're his friend. That you care about him. I'm only trying to warn you that too much may overwhelm him. It's as much for him as it is for you."
May's brow came together, but she didn't look back. She nodded and took the last few steps, letting the door close behind her. The tinkling of a bell stopped when the door shut. And then she was standing outside the shop, and she didn't know where to go.
Drew ended up waiting in his house for less than half an hour before May got there, early, but he was there and didn't concern himself with it. His thoughts ran ramped in the meantime. By the time May arrived Drew had decided that Ash was right. He didn't know what to do about Victor, but he had reason to worry. He wasn't sure why he felt so nervous about telling her. What if she thought he was just being obsessive? Victor was his psychologist after all. Would she be skeptical?
When Drew looked up to see May walk through the door he realized how run down she must have felt. She still looked tired, even after three days of nothing but sleep.
May smiled at him, but it didn't reach her eyes. She made her way into the sitting room to join him on the couch. They were both quiet for a minute.
"You're feeling better?"
May nodded softly.
Drew frowned and looked at her, leaning a bit to see her face. "What's wrong?"
May felt her eyes prick with tears. She was too tired to deal with this. It was too much. Everything was too much. She tried to shake her head and not think about it. Tried to push it out. She was with Drew now, and he needed her far more than her stupid stress needed reason. So she took a deep breath, steadied herself, and smiled at Drew. "I'm okay."
Drew's frown didn't leave as he stared at her face. "No, you're not," he said softly.
And May did everything she could not to break down at the care she heard in his voice. Instead she shook her head and spoke to move past it. "Drew, I... I'm sorry for seeing him. I guess I... told myself..." She stopped. The words had slipped through her mouth before her exhausted mind caught on that she was saying them, proving the guilt she had felt about going to him.
Drew frowned. "You saw Victor?"
May blinked at him in surprise. Drew had picked her up, hadn't he? "Y-Yeah, when you came to..." Then she paused when she realized Drew thought she was referring to seeing him a second time.
Drew came to the understanding of what she was referring to the same time that May whispered, "Although..."
Drew blinked. "What?"
She shuffled a bit. "I saw him before I came here. But... I mean, I wasn't looking for him. I was just on my way and-"
Suddenly she jumped. Drew had grabbed both of her shoulders and turned her to him. May tried not to blush, annoyed that she felt like she had to blush over something so simple. "Where? What did he tell you?"
May blinked, concerned with his tone. "What?"
Drew was looking at her intently, with worry May didn't understand. "What did he tell you?"
May shirked under the sudden intensity. She swallowed, thinking about what Victor had said to her, and didn't know what to say. Her throat filled with emotion at the remembrance of his words to her. "I'm not… I'm not sure I should say."
Drew's teeth grit in frustration. He let go and frowned, leaning back to into the couch and staring at the wall. He couldn't help the irritation he felt with her words, even while he worried about her.
May quickly leaned around him with a guilty and concerned expression. "I'm sorry. I… I didn't mean it like that…."
Drew swallowed, glaring at the wall.
May bit her lip to stop the trembling that had started. "I didn't," she whispered.
"Don't listen to him,"
May blinked. "Wh-What?"
Drew glanced at her. "He's not as reliable as he sounds."
May's brow came together.
Drew sighed and sat up, running a hand through his hair to the side quickly and pushing away his annoyance for what he needed to tell her. "Look, May..." He dropped the hand to stare at her and found her looking back intently. "Victor... I... I just feel like you should stay away from him." He winced. Was he really still so nervous to say anything that he would resort to telling her he just felt like she should?
But he was surprised when May seemed to understand that. She stared at him for a moment, remembering her own nervousness when she had seen him, and whispered, "Okay."
Drew blinked. "Okay?"
She nodded. "Okay."
Drew knew somehow, that this time she really meant it.
Several minutes later, they were both sitting on the couch, Drew hunched over, and May more laying on it with her feet over the arm and her head near him. It had taken a bit of awkwardness for them to find a subject they could both pull into and forget about everything else. But after they had found it, they had dissolved into old comfortableness and other subjects to talk about had come naturally. May was reminded of what it had been like before and felt happy in those moments just talking with him. And then Drew swallowed and May knew he was going to breach something. She was happy that he was, it was rare that he did with her, but she still hoped it transitioned smoothly.
He was quiet and May waited patiently till he said, "May, what do you know about multiple personality disorder?"
May blinked, surprised, and felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. Obliviously she stated the obvious. "That's where people have lots of personalities, right?"
"Yeah," Drew started, absentmindedly glancing at her. Then suddenly he froze, her words running through his head. It was the obvious fact of the disorder that everyone knew. The title of the disorder itself. He thought of what Doctor Swarrensen had said to him, then of his mother and Victor. Victor had Jackson. And he knew that his mother had had some other personality...
"I thought that was schizophrenia." May looked at Drew and found him distracted. With concern she pulled herself up to join him. "What's wrong?"
Drew continued to stare at his feet, the words running through his head.
Did the disorder come with more than two personalities? Now that he thought of it, the doctor had made it sound that way. Maybe that was one of the things that was particular to different people. Maybe some only had two. But then what about his mother?
Drew's eyes widened. He couldn't breathe.
He remembered. And it really, really sucked that there was yet more to remember.
May stared at him and her eyes grew as he began to visibly shake, expression shocked.
"Drew? What is it?" May asked, fear in her voice.
Drew stood and turned away. He didn't answer her. He couldn't, not with the other thoughts running through his head. Thoughts he had buried. Memories of things he should never have experienced. Moments that were as far away from the love he had began to accept of his mother's as possible.
Suddenly he was a toddler, and a young child, and each memory one after another horrific moment with his mother that he had known but hadn't because he didn't want to know.
As his shaking stopped May came around to his front. "Drew, what is it?" May asked. She took his hands and found them cold. Her fear overwhelmed her at the look on his face, like he had just witnessed something that shocked him white. "Drew."
Drew blinked and looked down to her, the same expression on his face, and all at once May's fear became real as tears came to his eyes but his expression stayed the same. He blinked and still didn't move.
May was about to speak, to do something, when Drew spoke instead. His expression was unchanged and he whispered, "Oh…"
May's eyes were wide. "Oh-What…"
"Oh May…" Drew whispered in a hauntingly level voice that went against the tears in his eyes. "It was real."
May still had his hands, but he didn't seem to notice the tears to wipe them away. "What was real?"
In a disbelieving whisper came her answer, "Everything." And then he swallowed and dropped his face to their hands and muttered his response like a senseless mantra. "Everything. Everything I dreamed and imagined. Everything I forgot. None of it was like that at all. It was real."
May stood frozen. "You're not making any sense."
"No," he cut her off quietly. Gently he pulled his hands back and looked down to the side as he wiped the tears on his sleeve. "Finally it does."
May couldn't help the eerie feeling that something was very, very wrong with Drew's revelation. It echoed in the air around them, as if his very words permeated evil to the air.
"What are you thinking? What is it that you realized?" Her panic flared when nothing changed in his expression.
Drew looked up to her. "My mom," he finally said. He swallowed and with a blank expression continued. "There were more."
May felt her breath leave her with the possibilities his words laid out between them. "More? There's more?" she whispered.
Drew trembled.
May moved forward quickly. "Drew, it's okay. It is-"
"No…" Drew stepped back from her and brought his hands to cover his eyes.
"Drew-"
"No. It's-It's not okay. I don't know what to do. I don't want to remember. I don't want this." Drew ran his hands through his hair and paused. "I don't want to remember," he repeated.
May understood better now, but she didn't know how to handle it. Whatever he had been through was deeper than she had thought possible, so terrible that he couldn't handle the thought of it. That he didn't even remember it. May shook. Worry overcame her, for his mental state and for what he was doing to himself. And beneath that... a baseless panic she had become good at ignoring. A fear of what he was saying. All at once worries she had buried began to surface. Could she do this? When would it end? Would it ever end, and could she handle if it didn't? Did she even want to know what had happened to him?
But still there was a deeper thought, a desperate plea from somewhere in her heart as she watched Drew dig his fingers into his hair, so like the time she had once found him when he had slipped into the mindset of a six year old. Emotions rose at the thought, a care she couldn't explain. And she filled with it as she remembered that this was Drew, and she loved him.
But still... His eyes were blocked by his hands, but she didn't know if she wanted to see the empty expression in his eyes, the lack of soul that had started to slip from them.
It was scary.
She was too tired to fight off the emotion. "Drew please-"
Drew took a deep breath, hands still to his face and declared, "I can't do this."
Everything slowed.
Drew dropped his hands and looked at her. Finally she saw his eyes. Not quite empty. Not nearly hopeful enough. "I can't. I'm-I'm sorry, May."
May swallowed. Emotion rose in her throat, blocked it and made it difficult to breath. "Le-Let's talk to Victor-"
"No!"
May jumped back. "No?" she whispered in horror. "Why not?"
"He-I don't want to see him."
May's lips trembled. "What about another doctor then? Or.. or a…" Tears began to rise behind her eyes and make it more difficult to speak. She couldn't do this alone. Not now. "Drew, please." She finally said. "Let's go to someone."
Drew was still, but shook his head in response.
May backed up, swallowing a sob. "Then-Then I'm going to call Ash and Misty. I'm bringing them over here."
When Drew didn't respond May picked up the phone she had backed to beside the couch and made the call.
The proposition of continuing as they were was overwhelming.
Drew didn't move as May made the phone call. When she hung up he continued to stand still. May walked to him and slowly reached up to grab his arms. Drew handled the touch for a moment before he pulled away. To May's surprise he sat calmly on the couch. She sat beside him. Slowly Drew lowered the hands till he was resting and staring at his knees.
Ash and Misty didn't bother to knock. When they entered the house it was quiet, almost dead.
Misty led them to the living room. When they got there they found Drew and May on the couch. May was watching him worriedly, and Drew was sitting despondent, his face in his hands.
"Hi guys," Misty said softly.
Drew stiffened. Even though May had called them there, she didn't look up as they made their way into the room. The air was thick and depressing and silent.
"May..." May didn't look up to respond to Misty. So she called her name again. This time May looked, pained, and Misty whispered. "Would you mind giving me a minute with him?"
May's eyes widened at the same moment that Ash's did. Neither one of them had any idea what Misty would be able to say to Drew.
May looked back to Drew, her lip trembling. He didn't respond and with tears in her eyes she nodded once and left the room. Ash followed her.
When they reached the kitchen May put her shaking hands over her eyes and felt the wall of emotion in her throat break to let the tears through. The sob came unbidden and was followed by another that hurt with the force of it. Ash's eyes widened when the sob turned into another and she broke down completely. She felt Ash put his arm around her and then they were sitting and she was sobbing. It only took a moment for him to put his arms around her. Ash, unable to just watch, pulled her against him while she cried exhausted tears into her hands.
Drew didn't say anything as Misty sat down beside him, and his hands didn't move from his face.
"So what is it?"
Drew stiffened, his hands burrowing up towards his hair.
Misty frowned. "Drew, what is it?"
Misty sighed, sitting down on the couch next to him and looked up to the ceiling.
"Look, I'm going to tell you something," Misty started, "...something I haven't told anyone."
Drew could hear the tentativeness in her voice. He didn't move, but Misty could feel that he was listening. "You're scared. ...I get that." And then as if drug from some internal part of her annoyance came through and she whispered, "And don't you dare tell me that I don't understand. People underestimate how often people get abused. They think if it's not big it means nothing. It might not be the same as yours, but it hurt. And I get that. I do."
Drew stilled. Slowly his hands lowered from his eyes. "You... You..." When Misty didn't answer he turned to find her looking at him with a raised eyebrow. He flushed, though he wasn't sure why, then frowned. "You were..."
Misty nodded and Drew couldn't help but look away.
"But I have to think that you've been through a lot more," Misty said quietly.
Drew stiffened, his mind running through the memories he had just uncovered, but he couldn't help the small calmness he didn't understand at having her near him after her words.
Misty was quiet when she continued. "Look Drew, the reason I haven't been bothering you about this is because I get it. Some people will want to coddle you and hug you, and other people are going to be irritated and want you to get over it, but no one really gets it unless they go through it. Not me. Not anyone else. They can yell at you all they want, but it doesn't make what happened to you go away, it doesn't make it easier, and it doesn't make you feel better."
Drew was quiet, staring at his feet and trying to find fault with her words. Instead he felt like she understood. And she was right, it didn't make him feel better, but there was a relief with her understanding.
Misty sat forward and placed her hands on the couch between her knees. "You know what we have to do sometimes? Think about right now. And right now, there's a girl in your kitchen who's close to breaking. I'm a woman. I can see it." 'I've been through it.' "At a certain point she won't be able to fight for you anymore. It will be too much, and she's been trying for a long time." She paused, gauged his reaction and muttered, "This isn't just about you anymore. And it never is, not really. People...can't handle it, if we can't. It's our problem. If we don't try, it's hopeless, and they know that. It sucks, but it's just how it is. You can't put it on the back burner and forget about it. Not forever, so you have to get over it, but you have to try too. May's... strong. I admire her for that. But even she has to have a limit. And if you do not actually try, you're going to loose her."
Misty put so much finality on the last sentence that Drew felt like he was being lectured. He didn't even think about the fact that she had just called him out on his feelings for her.
"I am trying-"
"No, not enough. You stop if you get uncomfortable."
Drew couldn't think of anything to say to that. He had faced things that had made him uncomfortable. More than uncomfortable. Afraid. Misty didn't know about those things, but somehow he couldn't disagree with her. But still it wasn't fair. He had tried so hard, and he really felt that he had been making progress. All that he had been through and now he was being told that it wasn't enough.
Drew raised a hand back up to his face and covered his eyes. "I don't know what to do," he admitted in a frustrated whisper. "I think I'm doing better, and then..." his fist clenched, "...one stupid thing happens and it's all back." He didn't add that he didn't know if he could be better now, with even more memories he hated. It seemed to be a constant back and forth, up and down process. He was doing better and then he wasn't.
Misty heard his voice break on the end of his sentence. "There's a difference between discomfort and fear," she said quietly, understanding more than he knew with her statement. "Discomfort is more than a feeling, it's putting yourself in a position you don't understand, one where anything could happen and you don't know the outcome. It's important. It's how you get over fear. You have to go there first. I was afraid. But I had to let myself be uncomfortable and step outside of my comfort zone before I could get over that. And then the fear came...and the fighting happens naturally."
"Did you?" Drew asked suddenly. Misty stilled, and Drew was finally looking at her. "Did you get over it?"'
Misty was quiet suddenly. "No," she admitted. Drew frowned, his comfort leaving him. "Not completely. I don't know if it ever goes completely." Misty paused and thought. "But it's more than that. I don't break down, and you... obviously break down when you think of your past. Granted your experiences are worse, but still. It's not better exactly, I'm not happy with what happened to me and I never will be, but I can deal with it at least. And I'm not scared anymore."
Drew didn't know how to explain to her how he was feeling, how hopeless fighting all of these demons was beginning to feel. He fought one battle only to have another horrible memory resurface.
And he really didn't want to face more.
But Misty had a point, one he hadn't really thought of. He wasn't the only one struggling. There was a stubborn voice in the back of his head saying that he had reason. But then he remembered May's tired eyes and sighed.
Misty watched him get up and head to the kitchen.
Misty entered behind him and the two paused in the frame to take in what was happening in the room.
Ash was holding May at the kitchen table as he moved back and forth a bit and she lay against him, but it was obvious what had led them to the position. Drew sighed again, but this time when he pulled in the sigh it wouldn't leave and he choked. Misty probably knew what she was talking about, and he couldn't help but feel a little guilty as he looked at May.
Ash saw them and looked up. "She's asleep," he said.
Misty blinked in surprise. "Wow."
"She's tired," Drew whispered.
Ash nodded, looking down to May, "I gathered that part."
Drew couldn't help the jolt in his heart at watching Ash hold May, but he pushed it away quick enough. Ash and May were very much like sister and brother, and Ash had a girlfriend who was standing right next to Drew and not saying anything.
It was those thoughts that made Drew swallow again and acknowledge his own emotions.
And whether he was ready for that or not, he realized he needed to consider what Misty had said, because May probably couldn't handle this forever.
He just hoped he could.
