{• Damned Deed •}
.•°.Chapter 28: Saying Hello to a Thing Called Hope. °•.
{…}
...•¤°•.•°¤•...
Night had taken the sky, casting away the sun's warm rays to give way to the coldness. Or maybe I just felt that way since it had been almost seventeen months since I had arrived in that world, the one that wasn't mine… and Inuyasha had left.
I was so scared I wouldn't see him again, that he wouldn't come back to me… but he did.
He always did, whether he really wanted to or not. And I know… now, he stays with me, even when it disgusts him to.
I can't say I really made a mistake. A mistake is something you don't think through, believe me, I thought it through thoroughly and I still did it. I regret it, yes, very much at times, but at others I'm glad I did it. I'm very glad. Because if I didn't… things could be worse.
But… they might have been better, too. Truth is, I'll never know.
Anxiety coursed through her as she paced around their house waiting for him to come back. She wanted to go in search of him but Kaede and Watanabe had talked her out of it, it was too dangerous for her to breach the barrier without Inuyasha to protect her. Though she wanted to find her love, she didn't want to risk her live to do so, since she knew that he'd only hate himself more if something were to happen to her because of it.
Constantly, her eyes turned to the sky outside to verify it was still night, that days hadn't passed by since he left - that's how it felt like, forever. So many questions ran through her head, colliding together in the process.
Were they still engaged?
Where was he?
Did he still want to be with her or was avenging his dead wife more important now?
Where oh where was he?
Would he come back to her in one piece or multiple ones?
Where had had he gone?
Would he go crazy like he had last time she saw him in battle? With those horrible red eyes?
Before another one of those questions could annoy the hell out of her she heard someone outside her door, she held her breath as she turned to see who it was, and there he was walking in. Almost as if nothing was wrong at all. As if he didn't just scared her to death.
"Inuyasha," she whispered as she walked up to before hugging him. Relief fell through her body when he returned the gesture, "you scared me."
"Sorry," he murmured back.
"I was worried that you'd go after Naraku… and get hurt," she whispered.
"I thought about that," he thought hard about it, really hard. He deeply considered tracking him down and ending his life completely but he couldn't. There was one blinding reason why. "I couldn't leave you unprotected and I know that I'd get myself killed if I tried to go after Naraku with a broken sword. I'm not going to leave you without anyone to protect you."
She couldn't have been more relieved to hear that, she leaned against him more then. "I'm sorry they lied to you. I'm sorry about everything that just happened."
"Yeah… honestly, I don't know what to do. What to even think right now… I want to kill them but I shouldn't."
"No, you really shouldn't," she assured him as she looked up to him.
"Yeah," he grumbled back.
"So… Inuyasha," she meekly began, which was more than enough to win his full attention. It was concerning when she used that voice. He was a little worried that she was planning on revealing something he didn't like. Hopefully… she wouldn't tell him that she knew all of what they knew and never told him.
"We…" she slowly started as she turned her eyes away. "We… are still getting married, right?"
"Yes," he dragged out with a lifted brow, "so, is there a reason why you think that we wouldn't be?"
"In the past, whenever something like this would come up, you tended to freak out and push me away."
He could have argued with that but instead he just nodded, since it was the truth when he stopped to think about it. This time was different, he had given up on trying to protect himself from pain. He was willing to accept the prospect of losing Kagome, too, because it meant he could have her then. And that was plenty good enough for him…
"Kagome," he murmured to gain her hazels' attention once more, "I'm not going to do that this time, but we have to establish a few rules. I need you not to argue with me, either."
She bent a brow at that, certainly she didn't like the sound of that but all the same she said, "go on."
"You can never leave the barrier without me, as long as Naraku has this sick interest in you we can't risk it. I can't… can't lose you, too, Kagome. So please just-"
"Alright," she could agree to that. It would make him feel better, and she really only liked to go to the well. It was more bearable to do that with him, too.
"Alright?" he repeated, "you aren't going to argue? Say I'm being too paranoid, too controlling?"
A small smile slipped up her lips as she reached out to take his hands, lightly she shook her head, "I know you mean well."
"I do," he assured while he pulled her into his embrace, kissing her atop her head all the while. "I can't lose you."
"You won't, I promise," she whispered back as she held him tightly.
"Good. because I'm not letting you go, Kagome. Not ever," he asserted back. Though there was no "I promise" attached to it, it was clear that he meant it as such. And at the time it made her heart sore. Maybe she finally found her knight, the one willing to wait forever just for her?
In a way I did. In a way, it only made things worse. I wonder sometimes, if he would be happier if he never made that promise, if he could allow himself to leave me. But he doesn't. He just stays and pretends he's happy.
At times, I know it's true. I know he is happy, but I know it's her that brings him such joy. It's always her that makes him smile. When he smiles at me, I don't think it's real. I think in the back of his head he's still blaming me. But at the same time… he's a grateful to me, because if not for me, he would have never met her.
...•¤°•.•°¤•...
Inuyasha squirmed in his seat quite a bit, he was surrounded by people he liked but all the attention that was focused on them was terrible. He hated it, almost as much as he did the old hag that sat across from him. She had kept the truth about his wife and child's death… that both were on Naraku. That he had done it.
Granted, if he had known, he would have gone after the bastard. There was a fifty-fifty chance he'd be dead instead of sitting there with the Higurashi family, Kagome, Miroku, Sango, and their children.
No.
That was wrong. There was no chance he'd be sitting there with all of them. He would never have agreed to go across the well, he would have never met Kagome, when that thought came to mind he turned his attention to the girl that was sitting beside him. That was the sole reason he was enduring the dinner. She wanted to share the joy of their engagement with those that they love.
Everyone was so happy for them, so encouraging, so eager to see the two get married. They were the perfect couple, apparently. Fate surely aligned everything so that they could meet, two people from two worlds brought together. Inuyasha thought that was all bullshit, they found each other. Fuck fate.
He felt Kagome's hand squeeze one of his and saw a smile, one that was thanking him for putting up with all of this. He didn't have to when he had asked Kikyou to marry him, she was fine with just telling her family and not making any sort of big deal out of it. A small ceremony, just him, her, and her family. She didn't need anything big, didn't need attention.
He supposed Kagome didn't need any of that, either, she just liked it.
All the time he was supposed to be thinking about marrying Kagome, his thoughts were on his first wife. His attention on his former mother-in-law, who was blissfully unaware of the truth of everything. He didn't know… if it would be better if he told her or not. Maybe someday he would, maybe once Naraku was dead and gone. That way she could find peace.
Now she was better off living a lie, he knew he felt better when he thought that lie was the truth.
After the meal was finished, Kagome went off to play with the children and speak to Sango about what type of wedding she would want. That left him, Mrs. Higurashi, and the old man to talk. Apparently, that's what the two wanted.
"I am happy for you," Mrs. Higurashi stated with a smile.
"As am I," the old man assured.
"Thanks," he guessed.
"If you hurt her, Inuyasha, we will be very disappointed with you," she warned.
His brows bent together at that, "you think I would? I'm not going to let the same fate befall upon her as… as I did Kikyou. I swear."
She nodded, "that's not what I meant. I'm certain you won't. I mean, I don't want you hurting her emotionally. I have complete faith that you can protect her physically. Your courting had a lot of ups and downs, and when things were going poorly she would come to me. I saw the way you hurt her… I don't want that to happen again."
A frown surfaced as he looked away, only to hear he old man start up, "you hurt my grandbaby and I'll rip those ears off of your head."
He just gave a sour look to him, knowing he couldn't follow through with that threat. It had been a while now since he had taken to calling Kagome that. Not because he confused her with Kikyou, but because he had 'adopted' Kagome as such. She was his other-son's daughter, he figured that meant they were related at least.
"I won't, I promise," Inuyasha insisted, "she was dumb enough to say yes when I asked… so I won't be dumb enough to cause her that type of pain again."
"She wasn't dumb for saying yes," Mrs. Higurashi countered as she reached out to place a hand on top of his. "She's very lucky to have someone like you."
It was nice that she believed that but… he didn't think she was lucky at all.
...•¤°•.•°¤•...
"I just want something small," Kagome explained as she interlaced her fingers with Inuyasha, a smile on her face. "Just you and me, the Higurashi family, Miroku and Sango. Would that be alright with you?"
"Yeah," he nodded, his eyes constantly scanning around them, his ears flickering to make sure he could hear anything if it were coming.
She let out a sigh as she looked over him, half sure that he wasn't paying attention to what she was saying. Ever since they found out the truth about what happened, each time they went to the well - they left the barrier - he would be on top alert, ready in case something or someone attacked. She knew it was out of concern for her well being, but it was a bit annoying.
"I think we should have a huge wedding, invite the entire village, and then have sex in front of everything to consummate it," she said, testing to see if he was listening at all.
"Uh-huh," he replied with a nod, his eyes shifting to the trees as they got closer to the well.
"You didn't hear a word I just said," she accused as she nudged his arm, finally earning a glance.
"Sure I dd."
"What'd I just say?"
"Erm… well, something about the wedding, obviously," he rejoined once they got to the well. She took her hand away and folded her arms, staring him down until he admitted, "fine, I wasn't but that's just because I was making sure nothing was around or following us."
She shook her head lightly as she walked up to the well, looking down it to see if she could tell that there was something different. As always, it looked completely normal. As if it was nothing more than a well, yet this well had caused them so much heart ache.
He wrapped his arms around her waist, kissing her atop the head, before lifting her up and leaping down the well with her. Both of them held their breath, longer than usual this time.
It took them longer than normal to touch the bottom, because a flash of blue wonder cascaded around them, as if they were somewhere else, until they weren't and Inuyasha could feel his bare feet on the bottom of the well. Quickly they leaped out to see that there was a forest around instead of concrete.
He swallowed as he let her go, not yet able to breath as he looked at Kagome who appeared ever so stunned. He didn't know what to do, but he was mentally preparing himself for her to break down and starting crying again. Instead she turned her awe-struck hazels up to him before saying, "did that just really happen?"
"Yes," he murmured.
"That means it might start to work soon!" She cried out, a smile on her face as she hugged him swiftly.
It was so strange… it had been so long since I had known hope like that.
Trust me when I saw hope is not a mother's friend. Hope is a horrible whore that taunts you only to say 'screw you' and leave later.
...•¤°•.•°¤•...
Lazily, he lied in his - rather, their - futon, staring at the ceiling as his women who was asleep, he could tell from her heartbeat and the way she was breathing even with her back towards him. Lately, it was harder to sleep than normal. He knew that they were safe within the barrier, but it wasn't her safety that he fretted over late at night. It was the guilt… the pain of knowing the truth.
He let out a sigh as he turned on his side to look at the back of the women he was going to marry. He wasn't sure how good of an idea that was anymore. For some time, he just stared at her until his lids started to get heavy enough that when they flickered closed he thought he might actually be able to sleep.
That was, until he snapped his hand against his neck to kill a bug that began to suck his blood, his brow twitching all the while.
"What the hell do you want?" he grunted as he pulled the flee away while he sat up, staring at the little demon.
"Mi'lord," he replied with difficultly, "you said you wanted me to find a way to fix your sword."
"Yeah, and what of it?"
"Inuyasha," Kagome grumbled, tugging on the sheets to cover herself more and turn over on her stomach.
Obviously, she wasn't awake enough to comprehend anything beyond the fact that he was making noise and he didn't want her to lose sleep so he got up and walked out into the living room area.
"I found the demon that created it, his name is Totosai, mi'lord," Myoga explained.
"Where's he live?"
"About a two days journey to the south," he explained, "in a cave up a volcanic mountain."
That didn't sit well with him, he would probably be gone for a week if things went well… if they didn't, it could take longer. With a frown he looked back to the bedroom, he didn't want to leave her alone for that long but without his sword fixed he wouldn't do much good protecting her.
Either way, he knew she wasn't going to like it.
...•¤°•.•°¤•...
A frown crossed his lips as she rested against their bed, looking up to Inuyasha as he sat beside her. He was right, she didn't like the sounds of that. He refused to allow even he consideration of her coming with him. She had to stay safe, and the only way he could know that he was safe was if she was inside the barrier.
A sigh left her lips as she tugged for him to lie down next to her, which he reluctantly did. He wanted to be up and out of there so he could get done with it quicker but she wanted to spend some time with him before he left.
"So… about our engagement, I want to lie down a rule, too. If I have to listen to yours, then you have to listen to mine."
"Alright," he supposed that sounded fair enough. If it was something ridiculous he would surely say no regardless. But he patiently waited to hear what it was.
"Can we not have sex until we get married?"
His brow bent as he looked over her to try and figure out if she was serious or not, she wasn't smile, and there was no hint of a laugh, so she… she was serious? Cautiously, he asked, "why?"
"I think it would make our wedding night special," she stated. "Most people never have sex before they get married but we have."
He pressed his lips together before he parted them to grumble an, "alright… fine, I can agree to that. You can't leave the barrier, I have to go try and convince this old youkai that knew my dad to fix my sword, and we can't have sex. This is going to blow."
She smiled some as she leaned forward to kiss him. "Thank you, Inuyasha."
"Yeah… yeah," he muttered.
"I love you," she promised as she interlaced her hand with one of his, "and I will miss you."
"Just plan the wedding while I'm gone instead of worrying about me," he ordered, "I want to get married quickly."
"Can't stand the idea of not having sex that badly?" she taunted.
He shrugged a shoulder, "I just don't care to drag this thing out. I know I want to be with you, I know I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I know it. I don't need to try this engagement to see if that's the case or not."
She smiled all the more at that, "I feel the same way. A small wedding would be alright?"
"It'd be perfect," he stated. "I'm going to be leaving soon."
A frown surfaced again as she pulled her hand to her lips.
"Kagome, the sooner I leave, the sooner I get back."
"I guess that's true," she muttered, "I just wish you didn't have to go at all."
"Me, too, but I can't help that."
I really wished he didn't have to go… but we did need that sword of his fixed. Without it, we would have be truly vulnerable.
And Naraku had no intention of stopping… he'd just keep coming, keep ruining whatever we had.
