Chapter 28
The toys were officially in the backyard. They hid in the bushes while they watched Sid about to go through this horrible plan. Sid, totally wasted, was preparing for the plan while Butt was still strapped on the rocket and was placed on a picnic table.
"Sid Phillips," the boy called through his invisible walkie-talkie. "Boy One-Hit Wonder. About make a man go where no man has gone before. The Land of A Thousand Smithereens! Now, I must go get the supply for this one and only mission." After falling twice due to a horrible hangover, Sid went inside the house.
Hardon went to Butt, who was relieved to see him. "Hardon," he whispered. "Thank God you're here…"
"Shh!" Hardon put his finger to his lips, with Butt being confused. "Don't worry. This is all part of the plan." And with that, he fell into his neutral position.
Butt was frustrated. "Hardon, what the Hell are you doing?"
But before any answer could be told, Sid, even more loaded, came back with a box of matches. Butt stood in his neutral position. "I'm ready to go ahead with the mission as planned, only a few minutes until lunch and a few moments from launch."
Sid paused and saw Hardon. He went up to him and picked him up. "Hey, how did this get here? Oh, well. I'll get to it later." And with that, he placed Hardon onto a barbeque grill, right beside a Black Eyed Peas album, "The E.N.D." beside it and putting a match in Hardon's pocket.
He went back to Butt. "The launch will start in ten seconds…" Sid lit a match and put it near the tip of the rocket. "And counting."
"Ten, nine…" All the toys hid for cover.
"Eight, seven, six…" Hardon looked from the grill.
"Five, four, three, two, one!" Sid finished before being interrupted.
"Reach for the high!" a voice called out behind him. Sid turned to see who it was: Hardon's voice box.
"Huh?" Sid retorted as he went to Hardon.
"This town IS big enough for the two of us. My place later?"
Sid was still confused. "What?" he said as he picked up Hardon.
"SOMEBODY SHIT IN THE WATERHOLE!" the voice box continued.
Sid shrugged. "It's busted." And he was just about to throw it away, when Hardon still continued talking.
"Who are you calling busted, buster?" That caught Sid's attention as he looked at Hardon. "That's right I'm talking to you!" Sid looked at Hardon's back; the string wasn't pulled at all. "Sid!" Sid was terrified that Hardon knew its name, turning it over to its face.
"Now listen. We like being blown up. Just not tortured. Like making us watch Joan Rivers do stand up."
Sid was afraid. "We?"
"That's right!" Hardon answered. "Your toys."
A doll without a head walked toward Sid, making baby noises, also catching Sid's attention.
A huge toy truck from Bob the Builder rose above from the deep sandbox. Sid saw this and gasped in terror.
Several broken soldiers rose from muddy holes, making them look like mud monsters.
Sid saw several toys creep toward him and he slowly backed away, as Thriller was playing in the background.
The skeleton baby landed on Sid's head, knocking its fingers on Sid's forehead, sending Sid screaming away from it.
Near Sid's feet was an upside down dog dish and under that was the Keanu Reeves doll. "Whoa." It said, terrifying Sid even more.
From a distance, there was a heavy echo. The fence surrounding Sid's yard broke down and it revealed toy skeletons, about five hundred of them! Suddenly, the song changed to Seven Nations Army.
Suddenly, every single toy that Sid tortured, or destroyed, surrounding their evil owner.
Hardon's voice box started to talk. "These are the toys you put through misery and torture. And like Universal Pictures when they made Mac Gruber, you will pay dearly." Sid looked at Hardon and saw it was doing strange things. "We toys see evvveeeerrrryyy ytthhhhhiiiiinn nngggg." Hardon's head turned slowly, causing Sid's panic to go through the roof.
Suddenly, Hardon came alive. "So blow nice."
Sid's exploded; he threw Hardon in the air and ran back into the house. Well, it wasn't his house. He was so terrified he ran into his neighbors' house.
"HEY!" someone from next door yelled. "WHAT THE F=!"
Sid screamed. "THERE ARE THESE TOYS! AND THEY COME ALIVE! AND…" Sid didn't finish that sentence. There were gunshots heard from next door.
And Sid's body was smashed through the front window. The toys went up to the body and saw there was a huge hole where his left eye should have been. His other eye barely hung in his eye socket. His nose was broken and blood still came through its holes like a waterfall. His face, in other words, was in disarray.
The toys cheered. Hardon yelled. "WE DID IT! WE DID IT! YES!" And they went back to Sid's yard to rescue Butt.
Hardon helped Butt get off the table, with the rocket STILL strapped on to him.
Butt shook Hardon's hand. "Thanks for getting me out of this."
Hardon nodded to him and there was silence.
Sexual tension.
"Everybody say 'Bye, house!'" a voice called out. Andy's mom and she were in the car with Andy. They were getting ready to drive away!"
"Blow me!" Andy called to the house.
Andy's mother shook her head. "Just because those were the last words I said to your father before he died after watching Sex and The City, does not make it okay to say it to the house you lived in!"
Hardon and Butt jumped. "They're going to drive away!" Hardon yelled, as both toys ran to the van. "This was all fun, thanks guys!" He called out.
One of the fences, for some reason, wasn't broken, so, for another reason unknown, the toys decided to go through it.
Hardon got through okay but Butt had a bit of trouble due to the fact that the rocket was STILL strapped on to him.
Hardon climbed the back of Andy's car and saw that Butt was having trouble.
"Go on!" Butt called out. "I'll catch up."
Hardon run to him anyways. He knew that if he didn't go save Butt, there would not be a chapter 29 the way it should've been. Hardon pulled Butt down and pulled up out of the gap, making both of them free to go to the van.
Will they make it?
Meanwhile, back at the house, Hannah went outside. There were a lot of toys scattered all over the place. She went to go for a walk around the block before she noticed something next door.
She saw what looked like a huge dummy but WAS actually a huge dummy. She went up to it and saw Sid's dead body, complete with an ugly disfigured face.
"MOM!" Hannah called out of her mother. "Kathy Griffin is dead!"
