Here is our favorite Titan…who will be a bit OOC!

CHAPTER 28: KRONOS PLAYS TAG WITH HIS KIDS

Kronos was watching TV in the Tartarus Apartment Complex when his phone rang.

"Hello?" asked Kronos.

"Hello, sir," said an automated voice. "This is the Olympus Medical Center, reminding you of your appointment tomorrow at two-thirty for your extraction. Please arrive ten to fifteen minutes before your extraction so that you may fill out your medical history form. Thank you and have a nice day."

Kronos hung up and walked into the living room, where he was sharing the apartment with Hyperion. "Dude," Kronos said, stepping in front of the TV, "I won't be here for a while tomorrow. Have to go to Olympus to get my teeth pulled. So…uh…would you mind buying some ice cream for me on the way home from the sausage festival?"

Hyperion looked at Kronos. "First of all, we're in Tartarus, so there is no sausage festival. Second, you've never even been to a freaking sausage festival!"

"Yes. You're right, Hyperion. I guess I'm a little nervous." Kronos slumped down on the sofa. "But, wait! I'm a Titan, and Titans aren't scared of anything!"

"I'm scared of the dark," Hyperion confessed.

"Yeah, I just lied to you," said Kronos. "I'm scared of dying alone. I'm also kind of scared of Rhea, but that's a different story."

"Why are you scared of Rhea? You could totally out run her if you wanted to!"

"Well, I'm only scared of her because she's a nice Titan. And it is common tradition that mean Titans are scared of nice Titans, and vice versa."

The following afternoon, Kronos headed to the Olympus Medical Center. There was a clipboard with papers on it waiting for him on the crooked, old bench. Kronos picked up the pen and began to go through it.

NAME: KRONOS THE AWESOME

DATE OF BIRTH: A LONG-ASS TIME AGO

PLEASE ANSWER THE FOLLOWING:

1. Have you ever been convicted of a felony? Uh…not really. I ate five of my six children, so I guess that counts. So yeah, I did.

2. Are you married? If so, to whom? I've been married to the Titaness Rhea. I love her very much, but she cries and throws fits all the time.

3. Final question: If you were trapped on a desert island, which god/goddess/Titan/whatever would you NOT want to have with you? Duh…ZEUS, of course!

Your medical history form is complete. Please wait patiently until your name has been called. Thank you. –The Olympus Medical Center, Mount Olympus, NY, USA

"Well, that was a waste of my time," Kronos muttered to himself. "I answered a few questions about my life, not medicine!"

A woman came out of the exam room in purple scrubs. Kronos thought she looked like one of those kids from Camp Jupiter, though he wasn't sure how he knew that; he'd never been to Camp Jupiter.

"Hi, Kronos," Rhea said, coming over and sitting next to him.

"AHH!" Kronos totally freaked out and ran behind the bench.

"What's wrong?" Rhea cooed.

"I'm scared of you!"

"Why?"

"YOU'RE TOO NICE!"

Rhea thought about something. "I hate you, you suck, I hope you blow up and die."

Kronos smirked. "That's better, honey." He stood up and walked over to Rhea. "So…who's my dentist?"

"He's waiting inside, dear," Rhea said. "But I need to know if you'd like just Novocain or laughing gas and Novocain."

"I don't know what any of that means," Kronos said.

Rhea rolled her eyes. "Do you want a shot or both laughing gas and the shot? The laughing gas makes you high, so you shouldn't remember anything."

"I'll take both," Kronos said.

Rhea nodded and wrote it down on her clipboard. "Okay, dear. Follow me, please."

The dentist was chilling out in the chair, playing with the tools. He looked like a little girl playing with dolls, except he was playing with a mirror and an explorer.

"Uh…" Rhea said, clearing her throat, "Zeus?"

"Hmm? Mother, I'm busy trying to send these tools to Tartarus!" Zeus made some superhero noises and set the tools down. "Oh…" He looked at Kronos. "It's you."

"Yes it is, my terrible son," Kronos said happily.

"Zeus, you knew this going into this job," said Rhea.

"You better make this painless, you two," said Kronos. "Or I'll eat you…and I'll force my puke down this time."

"I just got sick to my stomach," said Rhea.

"Good. That was my intention, Rhea, honey." Kronos relaxed into the chair as Rhea put a napkin on his shirt. "What in Tartarus is this for?" he snapped at her.

"It's so nothing gets on your clothes," said Rhea.

"Can I start now?" asked Zeus.

"Not yet," Rhea said. "We need to look at his history chart. Hmm…let's see. You wrote down that I cry to much and you wouldn't want to be trapped with Zeus on a deserted island."

"That's correct," said Kronos.

"Zeus," said Rhea, turning towards her son, who was putting gloves and a mask on, "he wants both drugs."

"Good," said Zeus. "Or we couldn't give him anything and hope for the best."

Rhea glared at him.

"Fine. Let me check his teeth first." He picked up the mirror and the explorer and checked Kronos' wisdom teeth. "All right. Let's get started."

Rhea handed Zeus four swabs of topical and Zeus gave them to Kronos. Since Kronos was a badass Titan, he didn't gag, which was good for him.

"Is this blood-flavored?" Kronos asked.

"No," said Rhea, looking at the bottle, "it's pineapple-flavored."

"Oh, how pleasant," Kronos said.

When Zeus was about to give Kronos the shots, Kronos held up a hand. "Can I do it?"

"No. I'm doing it because I'm the king…duh!"

"Oh. Fine."

Zeus jabbed Kronos with the needles and Kronos gripped Rhea's hand, but he didn't know why. Once the Novocain was taken care of, Rhea gave Kronos the laughing gas. And they waited…and waited…and waited…

Finally, the drugs took effect. Zeus grabbed the forceps and pulled out two wisdom teeth. He pulled out the remaining two and put some stitches in. Rhea gave Kronos some water and he spat it out.

"Guys," Kronos said thickly, "come outside into the thwone woom. And get your siblings."

Kronos stood in the middle of the throne room while Rhea called all six kids to the room. All of the kids sat in a big circle around Kronos.

"Welcome to family game night!" Kronos said. "My name is Kronos, and today we'll be playing some fun games! Awe you guys weady for fun games?"

"Uh…no," said Demeter. "I'm ready for some cereal, though."

"This first game we'll be playing is called God, God, Titan!" Kronos drooled, some of it landing on Poseidon's head. "So who wants to go fiwst? Oh, the rules awe that you have to tap people on the head and choose the Titan. If the Titan gets you, you have to go in the middle, which will be my stomach. Questions? Good! Let's get stawted!"

Hera went first. She went around the circle, tapping everyone on the head, until she got to Demeter, who chased her around the circle. Then Demeter tagged Hades, but tripped him as he got up. "That's for Persephone," Demeter cackled, running around the circle…Hades was WAY behind her.

Everyone eventually got to go, and soon Kronos was choosing a different game. "This next game is called tag!" he said. "So I'm it. If I tag you, your fate will be terrible." He spat his gauze out in a nearby garbage can and clapped his hands together dramatically. "GO!"

Everyone, including Rhea, ran around the throne room. Kronos caught Hades around the ankles and tried to pick him up, but Hades bit him. Kronos' next victim was Hera, who tripped him and he fell. "I'M GOING TO EAT YOU!" he yelled at her.

Kronos' final victim was Hestia, who wasn't really a runner because all she did was sit at the hearth all day and watch people. Kronos grabbed her around the wrists, opened his mouth really wide, and swallowed her whole. He burped happily and rounded on the rest of his kids, who were all staring at him. "You guys got any ketchup for the rest of you?"

"MY HESTIA!" Rhea sobbed. Poseidon came over and gave her a hug. "Thanks, baby." She rounded on Kronos. "Are we done playing tag so I can make you puke?"

"No!" Kronos yelled at her. "We have…" He counted on his fingers. "…five more rounds to play!"

And so the game began again. Kronos caught Hades by tripping him and swallowing him feet-first. Kronos swallowed Zeus and Hera at the same time. Only Poseidon and Demeter were left.

"C'mon, guys," Kronos said. "I'm hungry!"

"But, Father," Demeter chided, "wouldn't you rather have some nutritious cereal or some fruit?"

"No! I want you as an appetizer and Poseidon as the main course! Now C'MERE!"

Kronos lunged at the pair of them, grabbed Demeter around the ankles, and swallowed her…butt-first.

"Hey!" yelled Poseidon. "She was once my sexy lover!"

Kronos burped and spat out Demeter's dress.

Poseidon's mind was in sexual mode now, so he looked at Kronos and begged: "Dad! Eat me now! PLEASE!"

"All right, Poseidon," said Kronos. He opened his mouth and Poseidon waltzed into it.

"Dude," Poseidon said. "You're still bleeding."

Kronos swallowed him.

Rhea folded her arms and looked at her husband. Finally, she had an idea. "Kronos, come with me, sweetie."

"Are we going to the sausage festival?"

"Nope. We're going to the drug store."

"Ooh! Fun!"

Rhea led him to the drug store, where she gave Kronos a drachma to play on the mechanical horse outside while she went to talk to Apollo.

"Hi, Rhea," said Apollo. "What can I do for you today?"

"He ate my kids again…all six." She glanced at Apollo. "Give me the strongest emetic you've got."

Apollo held up a bottle of dark liquid. "This is syrup of ipecac. No one really uses it anymore. But we're gods and stuff, so I'd recommend you give him this."

"Thank you, Apollo."

Rhea took the bottle of the emetic outside, where she found Kronos picking his nose. "Oh, sweetheart, that's not very kingly of you." She took him back to the exam room (which, she realized in retrospect, probably was a bad idea), and sat him back down in the chair.

"Are we doing more surgery, Rhea?" Kronos giggled.

"No. It's time for your medicine." While she was at the pharmacy, Rhea also picked up Kronos' pills.

Rhea poured out some ipecac in a bottle and handed it off to Kronos.

IN KRONOS' STOMACH

"Guys, I am so freakin' hungry," said Poseidon. "Man, I remember a long time ago when we were in here…all lonely…"

"And I saved you guys," Zeus said. "By the way, you all still owe me beer for me saving you."

"That wasn't even the deal!" Hera yelled at her husband.

"Why can't we make peace with everyone?" Hestia asked.

"Because Kronos sucks!" Hera yelled at her.

"Olympian Newsflash," Zeus said, "Aunt Flo's visiting Hera!"

Then something fell from the esophagus into the stomach, right near Demeter. "What is this?" she asked. "It's all black and gross. It kinda looks like syrup."

"Mother Rhea might be saving us!" Hestia said excitedly.

"Well," said Hades, "let's see if we can mix it up…maybe he'll puke earlier!"

So the gods moved the syrupy-looking stuff out of the way. A few minutes later, the syrupy-looking stuff started to take effect. The stomach began to churn and rumble.

"Hold onto your hats," Poseidon said. "This won't be too fun!" He looked at Demeter. "I just realized you didn't have a dress on!"

"How nice of you to notice," Demeter snapped.

"I'm a dude. It's my job!" And Poseidon flew up the esophagus.

"Oh, that means I'm next," Demeter said, preparing for takeoff. As she was going, she yelled: "I WANT TRIPTOLEMUS!"

Zeus grabbed Hera's hand. "I know we're not going to die, babe, but I just wanted you to know that I'm really sorry I cheated on you all those years."

Hera's eyes welled up with tears. "You…you mean it?"

Zeus laughed. "No. I'm just kidding. I feel no remorse!" And the two of them shot up the throat.

Hades was about to take off, too, when Hestia started to cry. "Please don't leave me here, Hades," she sobbed.

"Uh…okay. Here. Take my hand and we'll go up together!" And the pair of them shot up the throat, too.

LATER THAT EVENING…

Kronos had taken his medicine and had also come off of his high. Rhea told him what he did, and even though he felt no remorse about going all cannibal on his kids again, Rhea still made him write an apology letter.

"Children," said Rhea. The six gods were sitting on their thrones in the throne room. "Your father would like to say something."

Kronos held out a piece of paper. "Dear little craps: I am very sorry I ate you again. I did not realize how freaking high I actually was. I love you—not really—and I hope this wasn't too traumatizing."

After the letter, Kronos headed back to Tartarus, where Hyperion was waiting for him. "I thought you got lost up there," he said. "How was it?"

"Long story," said Kronos. "If you're lucky, I'll tell you in a week when I can feel my face again."

I think that's the longest chapter of any FanFic I've ever written! I hope you guys enjoyed it!

LAST CALL FOR IMMORTALS! REPEAT: LAST CALL FOR IMMORTALS!