My mind finally registered that the scream I was hearing was my own. I felt the cold barrel of the gun pressed harder against Roza's temple as she closed her eyes and accepted her fate.
I couldn't believe that Rose Hathaway was going down without a fight. Her arms hung limply by her sides, her shoulders sagged forward in defeat, but the look of contentment resided on her face. She didn't even attempt to fight Nelson off, she just stood there and let it happen.
She's been fighting for the past three hours, you idiot. She's been fighting ever since she was taken over a day ago.
But…she can't possibly be ready to give up fighting now when her life was so close to being taken.
She can't possibly be giving up. If she gave up on her life, she was giving up on us, on the life we could have had.
"Roza, no!" I screamed through our bond.
Then several things happened at once.
I began moving in their direction albeit a little slower than it should have been.
Roza's sweet voice flitted through my mind with a, "Goodbye, Dimitri."
A blinding white light shot out of me in Roza's direction.
Guardian Nelson's finger squeezed the trigger.
Red-ringed eyes appeared over their shoulders with a crazed and hungry look.
I didn't know what to focus on first other than Roza…so, I guess I did know what to focus on first. Another scream joined my own as the Strigoi's fangs tore into Guardian Nelson's neck. However, both screams were drowned out by the sound of a single gunshot.
That gunshot was the worst sound I'd ever heard.
A pain erupted in my chest, the likes of which I'd never felt before. My charge faltered slightly as my Light caught Roza when her body crumpled to the ground. Blood was splatted across her angelic face. It emanated from one dark spot on her temple.
She wasn't even taken out by a Strigoi in some epic battle to save the entire Moroi race. She didn't die protecting Lissa as she'd always thought she'd go.
No.
She was killed by some crazy lunatic, a Guardian nonetheless, with a gun.
I could almost hear her grumbling, "Using a gun is just cheating," but I couldn't find it in myself to feel any humor at the statement.
I collapsed next to her on the ground, replacing the Light with my arms as I cradled her against me. Her dazzling smile still lived on her face as the blood slowly seeped out of the wound. I couldn't string together any rational thought, nor focus on anything other than my Roza.
My Light was still outside of my body, wrapping us in a light far too bright for the situation. I would have thought that the veil of darkness would have come crashing down. I would have thought that time would have stopped, and any light would have ceased to exist.
I would have thought that the world would have been cast into the abyss…for my entire world way lying dead in my arms, a ghostly smile being the only thing that showcased her once exuberant life.
The pain in my chest made it hard to breathe, not that I had the desire to continue breathing without my Roza beside me. I slowly became aware of the pounding in my temple, right where the bullet would have entered my head if I had been the one fortunate enough to be on the receiving end of the gun and not Roza.
It should have been me.
Why hadn't I been harmed as I had with any other injury? Why hadn't the bullet actually pierced my skull though it was pointed at Roza? I'd take on the scrapes and cuts of her earlier battle, why not this also? Why wasn't it me?
Perhaps it was because this was a fatal wound that I couldn't take on for Roza. Perhaps it was because it wasn't caused by the claw of an undead creature, rather by a manmade object.
Perhaps it was because Roza blocked our bond to take the bullet, so I wouldn't have to.
Roza, you should have let me take the bullet for you. I don't know how I'll go on living without you.
I don't think I can.
It surprised me how quickly I came to terms with Roza's death. I'd always imagined that if I found out that Roza had died that I would go straight into denial. I would have searched for a way that she could still be alive, or I would have found a way to bring her back as she had done for me.
Perhaps it was because she died right in front of me that I was quicker to accept it. Perhaps it was because her skin was deathly pale, even though she still held on the warmth of life. Perhaps it was because I could see her life seeping out of the wound on her head, the wound that was marring her perfection.
Despite accepting the fact, the reality of it all was still blurry. You know those moments in your life where you're existing, but you have a hard time believing what is actually happening around you? I've had several of those moments, most of them having to deal with Roza, both good and bad.
The first time I'd allowed myself to lose control and give in to my desire was one of the good moments. It seemed every time I could gaze upon Roza unhindered I had that feeling. The feeling that it, she, was too good to be true, but I held on to every moment because it could have been torn away from me in an instant.
It had.
The moment Nathan had sunk his fangs into me, hearing Roza's screeching pleas, was one of the bad moments. Watching Roza walk calmly out of the church that horrid day was another one. These moments caused my stomach to drop and my heart to shudder in my chest.
Both the good and bad moments had me thinking, "This cannot be happening, not to me."
Both the good and the bad moments had me pinching myself, checking to make sure I wasn't in a dream. Only, the bad moments gave me a nauseous feeling when I realized it wasn't a dream.
And this wasn't a dream. And I was already feeling nauseous.
My Roza was really dead. She was gone, and I didn't know how to get her back. I didn't know if there was a way to get her back, but my heart was begging me to try.
My mind conjured up a picture of her smile, the one that usually accompanied her more mischievous looks. Her expression was alluring and mysterious, and my conditioned response had my heart racing and my blood rushing south.
It was a creepy reaction considering her dead body was in my arms, but it felt like I was doing the right thing even if I didn't know what I was doing. I closed my eyes to focus fully on her image in my mind's eye.
I felt my Light slowly press closer to the two of us as the final happy moments I remember played through my mind. Her beautiful wavy hair twirled playfully in the ocean breeze as she continuously glanced over her shoulder at me. Her small, delicate hand fit perfectly in my larger, more calloused one as she pulled me behind her.
The fabric of her swimsuit didn't leave much to the imagination, but her confidence was more intriguing than the soft curves that sculpted her figure. The familiar scent of peaches flooded my nose. It overpowered the salty air that was whipping against my face and, for some reason, made me want pie.
I watched her walk in front of me, studying the way she moved slowly down the beach. Her entire being was magnetizing. Despite it being my element, and the opposite of hers, Roza's entire being was encased in Light, shining so brightly I had to shield my eyes. I hated looking away from Roza even for a moment but soon the Light began to fade, both in my mind and in the surroundings.
Her words were the last thing I focused on.
"I love you, Comrade."
Never in my life had I wanted to hear that stupid nickname fall off her lips as badly as I did in this moment. I wanted to see her roll her eyes as I pretended to be annoyed by it. I wanted to see her grin widen as I mock sighed my response.
"I love you, Roza."
I heard several gasps surround me, but I kept my eyes firmly shut. I couldn't decide if the gasps were good or bad, and I couldn't stand it if they were anything but good sighs.
"Dimitri?" I heard Abe ask. The hope that filled his voice made another pain rush through my heart. How could I tell a father that his daughter was dead? I know he'd seen what had happened, but to actually confirm it? To tell him that I had failed at my job? To inform him that the daughter he'd just gotten to know was dead?
I couldn't.
"Dimitri. You need to let her go." Kyle said gently. I felt someone, probably Kyle, kneel beside me and place a hand gently on my shoulder as I clung to Roza even tighter, shaking my head like a small child who didn't want to part with his favorite blanket.
"Dimitri, dude, let her go," Christopher said a little less gently than Kyle, and he too placed a hand on my arm, though his was to tug slightly at it. I couldn't let her go, though. I wouldn't let her go.
"Dimitri, please," Sydney said stepping closer to us, but she chose to stay out of reach, probably in case I react badly to someone trying to take me away from my Roza, which I was thinking about currently.
I could hear the pounding in my ears as my breathing caught in the back of my throat and the thoughts came unhindered.
It didn't work.
Of course, it didn't work, you idiot, you can't bring someone back from the dead just with wishful thinking.
But if I could, I would have.
But I didn't.
I didn't want to believe that it didn't work.
"Dimitri?"
I froze, and I think everything around us did, too. There wasn't a sound other than the steady pounding in my ears. Even the wind had opted to stay silent as my mind tried to comprehend the events that were unfolding.
Her voice made me want to pinch myself again. The fog of disbelief lifted slightly from my mind, only to be replaced with a different kind of disbelief. The steady pounding in my ear finally registered as a heartbeat, not my own heartbeat but hers.
I tightened my arms around her, breathing in the peachy scent, the one that she always seemed to exude no matter what she was doing. It could have been hours of sweaty training, and she'd still smell like fresh peaches. Not that I wouldn't notice the scent anywhere.
"Roza," I mumbled against the skin of her neck. Not only did I hear her heartbeat increase its tempo, but I also felt her thundering pulse beat against my cheek.
She slowly lifted her arms to wrap around my shoulders and neck. Her fingers wove their way into my hair trying to pull my head back to look at her, but I didn't want to pull away from her. If I kept my arms around her she was actually here, breathing and alive. If I pulled back I might have to face a reality where it was all in my imagination.
"Comrade, you're starting to cut off the circulation to my legs. I need you to let me sit up, darling." She said pulling at my hair again. I inhaled once more and pulled myself away from her body but not too far.
She sat up, coming face to face with me. I could feel my heart beating faster as she moved her hands from my hair to cup my cheeks. Her beautiful brown eyes were flooded with love and affection as she held her gaze steady whereas mine was searching her face, her body, her soul, making sure that she was actually alive.
"Roza?" I whispered, my heart skipping again as her smile grew.
"I'm here." She whispered back, pushing my hair out of my face. "I'm not going anywhere."
"You're here."
"I am." She said, her smile turning into a smirk as I continued to stare at her in awestruck wonder.
"How?" I breathed, running my fingers over her temple where there'd once been a gaping wound. The only thing on her skin was blood. Some had dried, but most was still a little sticky. My fingers pulled away red, and I just stared at them, unsure whether or not to be horrified or amazed.
"I'd like to ask the same thing." Came a harsh voice. A growl rose up in the back of my throat. My fingers started to curl into fists until I realized that I was still holding Roza. I loosened my grip on her soft flesh as not to injure her further and then I proceeded to pull her back to me, more importantly behind me.
I used my body to shield her from one of the only Moroi that meant her harm. I felt Roza trying to calm me, both through the bond and by gently running a hand down my back, but I held steadfast to my anger and used the images of Roza's lifeless body to fan the flames of rage.
I placed Roza gently on the ground and spun around on the balls of my feet to face the offending Moroi. I stayed crouched in front of my love with my lips pulled back in a snarl. I tried to look for a weapon nearby, but my swords were yards away where I'd dropped them at Guardian Nelson's behest as were everyone's weaponry.
I was weaponless, and she had fire at her beck and call. I had strength on my side, but by the time I could get to her, she would be able to bring me down with her flames. I was cornered, in a sense, not wanting to leave Roza unguarded and unable to leave without bringing on an attack.
"I saw her get shot, in the head no less, so how is she alive? Why isn't the bitch dead?" Tasha screamed when she was only met by silence.
I think everyone was too stunned to actually do something about her right this moment because no one moved to apprehend her, and no one searched for a gun to put a bullet through her cold heart. (Not that I condone killing Moroi…)
"You planned this, didn't you?" I growled, drawing her gaze to mine. It softened slightly until she saw the fire that was burning in my eyes. It was pure hatred. "This was your goal all along, to get Roza killed."
"Of course I planned this, Dimka. How else was I going to get that little bloodwhore away from you?" She growled back.
"Away from me? What do I have to do with this?" I asked slightly stunned.
"At least you're cute, Comrade, even if you aren't the sharpest tool in the shed." Roza sighed in my mind, but I paid her no mind.
"You have everything to do with this!" Tasha yelled, the fire that lived in her eyes grew brighter as I felt Roza shift out from behind me. I pushed her back with my arm only to receive a grunt of frustration from her. "You were supposed to be mine!"
"But I'm not yours! I never was going to be yours! I was never supposed to be yours!" I countered. I wasn't going to leave Roza, but I really wish that someone would break out of their trance to at least put Tasha in restraints.
"You were! You were going to be my Guardian. I'd been planning it for years! I just had to get rid of the Zeklos first and then you would see that I was the one you were supposed to be assigned to. But then you got all sad, and they transferred you to that Dragomir bitch. Then this little bloodwhore had to ensnare you in her web of lies." She growled as she began her pacing, stopping every few words to throw hateful glares at Roza who'd poked her head over my shoulder.
"Zeklos? You mean Ivan?" I asked quietly, my mind scrambling to make the pieces fit.
"Really, Dimka? Do you really think that she would be able to give you everything you wanted? You think that she would have remained faithful to you? No! That's not who she is! I've heard all about the kind of person she is. She is a bloodwhore! She's just going to use you and then get rid of you. I was helping you. You have to believe me." She pleaded. "I only wanted what was best for you. I can give you everything you've ever wanted. I can give you a family, kids, the perfect life. The only thing she can give you is heartache."
"What did you do to Ivan, Tasha?" I asked quietly, ignoring the lies and searching for the truth.
"I did what you would have wanted me to do, Dimka. Ivan was the only thing standing in the way of you being my Guardian. I'd talked to you several times about it, but you always said no because you were sworn to Ivan, that you were never going to leave him for another charge." Tasha said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"You killed Ivan?" I asked, the anger that had been simmering was beginning to boil over, and I didn't know what it would do if I couldn't control it.
"I got rid of the one thing standing in our way!" She screamed, throwing her hands in the air in frustration. "That is until you got reassigned, and not to me. I was thinking of ways that I could get rid of Lissa, but Christian seemed so attached to her, I would hate to have taken that joy away from him. When I visited at Christmas, you rejected me again, claiming that your heart belonged to someone else.
"I could see it was Roza. I'm not blind, but I had hoped that you would see past her pretty face and see who she really is, what she's really like." Tasha continued growling. I could see the glow of her palms growing brighter. Despite not producing the flame yet, the heat that radiated off of her was almost overwhelming.
"I can't believe you, Tasha," I said, trying to shake off my stunned feeling, but if I stopped being stunned, I'd start being angry, and I didn't know if I could handle that right now. So far, everyone had remained quiet and frozen to their spots, but I knew that stillness was about to break. "You were supposed to be my friend. Now…now you're nothing to me."
I almost felt bad when the pained expression crossed her face, but she quickly replaced her devastation with fury. She apparently decided that she had had enough of threatening glances. Her hands burst into flames, they danced with blue and purple, probably fueled by her anger.
My body tensed as it prepared itself for a fight I'm pretty sure I couldn't win. Dhampir against fire…pretty sure that fire would win.
"Tasha, stop. This isn't what you said it was going to be." Ethan said, pulling on Tasha's shoulder. She tried shrugging him off, but he kept his grip despite the obvious signs of his stress.
I could feel the heat radiating off of her from where I was crouched in front of Roza, so standing right next to her would have to have been extremely painful, but he didn't seem too fazed by it.
"This is exactly what I said it was going to be. I told you we had to get rid of a danger to the Moroi society. Rose Hathaway is a danger to the Moroi society, but no one but me seems to see it!" Tasha screamed. She let the fire die and turned to face Ethan.
"How is she a danger to Moroi society? She removed herself from it almost completely. All she's been doing is killing Strigoi. As far as I know, that is helping the Moroi society." Ethan said, thinly veiling his frustrations.
"I know what she was planning!" Tasha screamed in earnest. I could feel confusion running through all of us.
"What was she planning?" Ethan asked, probably feeling the same amount of confusion.
"She was planning on killing the queen! She was going to seduce her way into the queen's private chambers and kill her with a stake." Tasha exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air.
I knew for a fact that Roza wasn't planning anything untoward when dealing with the queen, but I was wanting to know how Tasha would have known something like this.
"She wasn't planning that, Tasha." Ethan hissed quietly, but with the silence that surrounded us all, his voice carried to us. "You were planning that. You were going to frame her for that when you killed the queen."
"You were going to frame my daughter?" Abe growled from his position behind Pavel. At some point during Tasha's rant, Pavel had picked up a gun and was pointing it toward Tasha.
"Of course I would! She needs to die!" Tasha screamed, her flames returning in full force. She stopped seeing anything around her, her full attention turning to my Roza.
I expected Roza to feel at least a little fear as she went up against a wall of flames, but all I felt was a steely determination.
"Roza, you better stay put." I pleaded, knowing that Roza was going to do anything she felt was necessary regarding the safety of her friends and family.
"Don't worry, Comrade, everyone is going to make it out of this alive."
