28

(Enjoyyyyy. It's Christmas Holidays hence me getting my crap together and working on this)

I stopped breathing. I shook my head no. IT wasn't possible. It would be like I never existed. The voices I heard already made that a lie but now he'd actually come back? All of them? For a second I was angry. Murderously angry. How dare they come back after all this time? What did they think would happen now? The summer meant no school so what were the chances of us even running into each other? Seeing Carlisle was a possibility granted, if he was back working at the hospital. "Please. Please Bella don't leave me. I don't know—I don't know how I can—just please." I'd almost forgotten Jake was beside me. His face was twisted with sadness and fear and he refused to look up into my eyes. It simply broke me.

"Hey. Hey Jacob Black look at me." He lifted his head reluctantly and I grabbed hold of his chin. "It's me and you. That's all there is to it. Just me, just you. Us." I pulled him in and kissed him gently. His eyes were filled with tears but I had too much rage building in my chest to truly cry. I needed to go see them. I needed to go and—and—I didn't even know. Did I need to go? Did I need to drive over and scream until my lungs burst and make them all feel the pain I felt for months? Was it even worth it? Was it worth stirring up more problems when everything was so perfect and blissful at the moment. I had a new boyfriend who was more loyal then I could ever have asked for and we loved each other and would never leave each other. I would runaway with Jacob in a second if he needed it. I'd do anything for him like he'd do anything for me. To compare it to Edward was impossible. With Jake I had carefree and childish behavior. I had someone who I was completely myself with and someone who I didn't have to hold anything back from. With Edward there was constant tension and disagreements and the thoughts of forever even though I had wanted it so bad now just terrified me. At the possibility of staying human but still being with someone I was so in love with, going back seemed ridiculous. I didn't need to see them. Alice. Jasper. Emmett. Rosalie. Esme. Carlise. Edward. They all together broke my hearts, they allowed it to happen. They were beautiful and I still believed that they had souls and that they were incredible beings with strong hearts and minds but I didn't owe them anything nor did they owe me anything. They had been a huge chapter of my life but in truth I just wanted it to end.

"I love you Bella Swan."

"I love you Jacob Black." He held me in my bed and as Billy and Charlie's laughter floated up to my room I smiled to myself. Charlie was so oblivious to the world around him. "So what the hell are we going to do now?" I joked lightly. Jacob just tightened his grip around me. "We'll figure something out."

"Well maybe there isn't anything to figure out. I mean they do their thing we do our thing? There is still a lot of time before school starts up so we won't be seeing them or anything. Let's just forget they even came here." I suggested. And even as Jake agreed with me we both knew how lame that was. Obviously the return of the Cullen's was going to screw up everything.


"Okay I'll call you later today? Love you." I kissed Jake goodbye the next morning and waved as Billy and Jacob took off. Charlie and Billy had ended up getting way too drunk last night and had to stay the night which was fine by me. They had fallen asleep on the couch completely unaware of the fact that their kids were upstairs sleeping in the same bed. Or rather trying to sleep. I was very aware of the fact that I had huge bags beneath my eyes. Sleeping had been hard last night for both of us. We mostly just sat awake and talked about anything but the huge elephant in the room. Now that Jake was gone I felt cold and lonely. Charlie smiled sheepishly at me as he turned around and went back upstairs to his bed. I laughed quietly. My dad drunk, what a trooper. I sighed and followed him upstairs and stepped into the bathroom avoiding my face in the mirror.


After showering and putting on jeans and a black zip up I tiptoed outside my dads room only to hear him snoring loudly. I smiled and went downstairs to make cereal. I'd gotten through about three bites of Cinnamon Toast Crunch when I heard gravel crackling outside. A car for sure but who's? I looked around the kitchen and saw Billy's cell phone lying on a chair. I laughed and picked it up. I opened the door with a huge grin, "Forgot something?" instead of the weathered russet skin of Billy Black I was instead greeted by the pale cold beautiful face of Edward Cullen. "Bella," he murmured so softly I barely caught the word. It felt so weird to hear my name on his lips after all this time. I tried to find words but anger was throbbing in my temples and all the way to my fingertips I feared I'd say something I'd regret. We stood in silence for a while. It wasn't even awkward we just had nothing to say. He leaned in quickly then and took me up in a hug. The phone was ringing in my house but I didn't bother getting it. I closed the front door not willing to let him into my home. "Come walk with me?" He asked.

"Absolutely not." I snapped surprising myself. He looked taken aback. "I haven't had the best of times in those woods." I said thinly. I couldn't believe how much anger I had. Under all the pain all this heat was waiting to emerge. Waiting for someone to last it out on. "Bella—I don't even know what to say."

"Why did you come back?"

"Because I have been doing nothing but thinking about this."

"What is this?"

"Us. You. Me. My family, we love you Bella. And what I have done to you is unforgivable and I never expect you to forgive me I just—I needed to tell you why." And there it was. The big apology. It was pretty and sincere I could tell that but in no way could it make up for the months I was dead to the world.

"Edward…please understand that what you did completely broke me. It broke this. After all this time I know you did it to protect me because you thought you loved me but in reality danger found me anyway and if you wanted to protect and love me you should've been there. I have waited for months and when you get to the point where you stop waiting for someone or something to happen you know that it's over. I've reached that point and I love you but this all has to end. You and your family are incredible and I will never regret meeting you all but I can't." His beautiful face was frowning and creased with desperation. "Bella—I would never hurt you like that ever again. Never. You would come away with us, my family, you would be my family. We'd run and be forever and we could get back to the way things were before I had to make the worst decision of my life."

"I can't run away Edward! Forks is my home. You've been gone, you have no idea what has been happening since you left! No idea! I've changed and forever isn't what I want. I want humanity and love and the experiences that I can't have with you and I am truly sorry for that."

"I have been here! I have seen you! I have watched you I have seen what I have done and I want it to change. At the market. You were with the stupid dog buying who knows what. I was watching. That night you woke up terrified you saw me. You thought you were dreaming but I was there. I was that close to you. I have missed you--,"

"He is not stupid. He is not a stupid dog his name is Jacob and I love him. So screw you for watching us be happy. Screw you for leaving and coming back. And fuck you for thinking that you run this place and you can do whatever you want!" My voice was rising and I was getting closer to Edward and my face was red and I could barely breathe the anger was so intense, "You left me. You broke everything. You ruined everything. I gave you all that I had and I wanted everything with you. We were for real we were done with all the drama and all the stupid high school people, none of that mattered because we were forever. You left and destroyed me. You do not destroy the people you love. I don't care what excuse you have it's for nothing. You coming back was for nothing. I'm done." I turned on my heel and was making my way back up the stairs to my house when his cold grip grabbed my arm and pulled me back. "I left for you Bella. Do you understand?" He tightened his grip and I widened my eyes in fear. His eyes, I hadn't noticed…they weren't topaz, they were black. Completely black. "Edward let go you're hurting me. Your eyes are black don't do something you'll regret."

"Bella you have this pull—you have no idea. I can't be away from you anymore. I need you."

"That is not for you to decide now let go of me." I pulled and yanked but he didn't budge. He was tightening and tightening and my blood was throbbing beneath his fingers. Before I knew what was happening he was crouched like a predator and he pulled me in and grabbed my neck. His teeth had touched my neck and he pierced the skin just enough so that blood began to leak through. I started screaming and pulling only making the skin tear even more. Only causing myself more pain. "EDWARD! EDWARD! STOP!" I screamed and screamed knowing no one could save me. No one could understand. I was getting dizzy. I could barely fight back. I couldn't stop screaming although it was only coming off as a silent cry. I started to collapse my legs giving out. "BELLA!" A shape blurred in my vision and Edward was thrown off of me. I lay passed out on the ground and as I breathed in the grass and dirt I watched as Jacob phased and Edward crouched ready to pounce. The two were fighting. Teeth snapping spit flying and all I could do was hang on. I'm hanging on for you Jake. I love you I love you I love…I'm trying…I'm holding on…I love you I love you I love you.

(review.)