Chapter 29

"You can be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don't know it, all of that doesn't even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment that you use to criticize yourself; is a second of your life wasted, is a moment of your life thrown away. It's not like you have forever, so don't waste any of your seconds, don't throw even one of your moments away." ― C. JoyBell C.

I looked down at the two obi I had to choose from: one baby blue with almost a golden sheen to it from the hydrangea prints on it, and the other one, an aqua blue color cover in purple bellflower prints. My white flower-patterned furisode[1] had a gradient base color that was light blue on the top to aqua blue near the bottom, so both obi would go well with it. But which one would be better? Otou-san did want me to look my absolute best when we visited the Kyoto Military Commissioner's headquarters today.

I chewed on my lower lip as I held each obi up in front of a mirror next to me so I could compare the color with my furisode. I personally thought one with the purple bellflower prints looked prettier, but the one with the hydrangea was much more eye-catching with the luster it possessed.

"The hydrangea print obi matches your furisode better and makes your eyes pop."

I jump and spun around wide-eyed to see Souji leaning against a wall with an appraising eye looking me up and down. I had no idea when he came into my room. He also looked particularly smug with his arms crossed like a kid who got away with stealing cookies from the cookie jar.

Souji pushed himself off the wall and plucked bellflower print obi from my hands to return it back to my closet before he took the hydrangea print obi and began wrapping it around my waist. He took his time wrapping the obi around my waist, meticulously making sure the obi was straight.

"Umm…," I said, placing both hands on his shoulders to keep my arms out of the way as he worked. "How long have you been here…?"

Because I was pretty sure that my room had been empty when I started to change.

"I came in right when you were stripping out of your hakama so you could change into your furisode."

Meaning he had seen me naked earlier and said nothing just so he could keep watching.

I could have been flustered, but I saw no point in that since Souji had already seen me naked before and he clearly liked what he saw. Plus, I had nothing to be embarrassed about and didn't particularly care if he was watching me. Now, if he had been watching another woman, then we'd have a problem.

"Did you like what you saw?" I gave him a mischievous wink.

Souji chuckled just as he had me drop my arms so he could move behind me to tie my obi. "Do you even have to ask? It was such a pity that you had to put on the furisode."

I turned my head to stick my tongue out at him in the most childish manner. He just shook his head in amusement with a quirked eyebrow and gave me a light pat on the butt before returning his focus back to the fancy knot.

"So," I said, shaking out my long sleeves. They were ridiculously long, but they were gorgeous and instantly made me feel like an elegant highborn lady. "Are you ready for your match against Sannan-san? I know you're near undefeatable for normal people, but Sannan-san is a pretty good swordsman in his own right. Not only has he studied Hokushin Ittō-ryū as his main style, but he also studied the Tennen Rishin-ryū style. He'll know how you fight."

Souji hummed before giving the obi knot a small tug when he finished tying it to make sure it was tight enough. "Well, that's what makes him an interesting opponent to fight. But I don't really need to worry about him countering my fighting style. What he knows about my style is now out of date."

"Already?" I asked before angling myself so I could inspect the knot Souji tied. I furrowed my eyebrows at the knot he tied before looking back up at Souji. "You tied the wrong knot. You tied a taiko musubi[2] instead of a fukura-suzume musubi[3]. This knot doesn't go together well with a furisode."

Souji looked back at me unapologetically before putting his hands on my hips. "I didn't tie the wrong knot. True, the fukura-suzume musubi is for unmarried women. But you know that pairing that particular knot with a furisode usually means that a woman is available for marriage. And while you are still unmarried, you're not available and I want all the men who see you today to know that."

"Oh."

He raised his eyebrows at me. "Really?" he asked looking particularly unimpressed. "Just 'oh'? I was hoping for a more of an energetic reaction. I thought women liked seeing jealously in their men."

I couldn't stuff down the smug pride that welled up in my belly when Souji quite literally said that he was my man. This possessiveness that was created just then from those words was such a new sensation that it made me feel unreasonably giddy. I just wanted to bounce around the room like a kid on a sugar high. Or, burn my energy off by doing a little something that Hijikata-san was highly against.

Souji, who was watching me with a previously unimpressed expression, saw the subtle change in my face and a sly smile made its way onto his face. And suddenly, he appeared extremely satisfied before he swiftly and unexpectedly stole my breath with a kiss.

"That was what I was expecting," Souji said after the kiss, a smirk on his face as his lips grazed against mine when he spoke due to our close vicinity. His ego just inflated itself more when he felt me shiver and practically melt against him from the sensations that he assaulted me with.

Oh goodness! There were definitely times I question how simple, little old me ended up with someone as sensational as Souji. I was so simple and he was just so… yummy? How would I even describe him?

…And I sounded like a sappy teenager again.

"Mmm," I hummed before I logically pushed away from him. I grabbed his hand and tugged him towards the door. "We should go check up on the others to see if they're ready to head to the Kyoto's Military Commissioner's headquarters yet. If we don't right now, then I'm afraid I might just shove you into bed."

"Oh?" As if he didn't already sound smug before this. "Too bad I'm in one of the exhibition matches. If I wasn't I might have just skipped this whole meeting thing and let you ravage me," he said, faking his resign as he let me drag him to headquarters' front gates. He just seemed all too pleased to have me drag him around.

Most of the men were already chattering excitedly at the front gates when we arrived with only the iconic leaders of this rowdy group of men missing. Many of them seemed to have taken great effort into choosing what to wear for this event. Although none of them actually wore anything too fancy, they were undeniably dressed a lot nicer than usual. I could smell the clean clothing and note that there was the absence of any old or torn clothing. First impressions were important, after all.

Amongst the crowd, I could see Shinpachi-san gloating to Sano-san and Heisuke, flexing his chiseled muscles at Heisuke's annoyed face while Inoue-san and Saito-san watched quietly. I dragged Souji over to join them just as I witnessed Heisuke elbow Shinpachi-san's gut. That did absolutely nothing as a metal pole would merely bend upon impact. All that little elbow did was cause Heisuke to become a target for Shinpachi-san's headlock.

"Shinpat-san, quit it! You'll ruin my hair! I can't have messy hair today!"

"Oh please! Like your messy hair can be ruined even more, you little runt!" Shinpachi-san exclaimed in an older brother type of manner before purposely ruffling Heisuke's hair. Heisuke flailed about quite uselessly for a few more seconds before Saito-san generously plucked Heisuke out from the headlock and dropped him on the dirt floor.

I wrapped my sleeves several times around my arms to prevent them from touching the dirt before I crouched down in front of Heisuke. "Are you okay?" I asked just as I dusted some dirt off the back of his head.

"Yeah!" Heisuke popped off the ground and kind of just bounced around like a demented jack-in-the-box. "Where's Hijikata-san and the others? Let's go. Let's go. Let's go!"

"Excited to get your ass kicked?" Souji raised his eyebrow as he pulled be back up by putting his hands under my arms. He ignored Heisuke's shout of complaint as he shook my sleeves loose for me.

"What's that supposed to mean?! I'm going to kick Hijikata-san's ass!"

"Kick whose ass?" Speak of the devil and he will appear.

The people we were still missing finally appeared. Both flanking Otou-san, Hijikata-san and Sannan-san seemed to have dressed the way they would have normally, which made sense since they were going to be in the matches. As for Otou-san, Niimi, and Serizawa, they dressed formally with a kataginu[4] over their hakamashita.

Serizawa made a sound of disapproval at Heisuke's bouncy energy before I felt his eyes on me or more specifically, my obi. His eyes then flickered to Otou-san, who was chatting with Hijikata-san and Sannan-san, then onto Souji.

"Let's go!" Serizawa then barked at everyone, causing all side conversations to cease. All the men straightened up at the sound of his impatient voice.

Otou-san and Serizawa then led the way while the rest of us followed after them. While the men all attempted to look dignified as we traveled through town, it really did not feel that way. If anything, it felt more like they were a flock of excited fluffy hens being lead to feed.

The courtyard that was prepared in Kyoto's Military Commissioner's headquarter for our matches wasn't exactly fancy, but it wasn't plain either. It was practical. The courtyard was screened off by a blue and white cloth border. For the officials, there was an almost bleacher-like seating area prepared. Then, in the far off corner of the courtyard, was a little waiting area for the men who were set to participate in the matches.

After being introduced to several men that worked with the Military Commissioner by Otou-san, I quickly ducked behind the cloth screens to join Sano-san and Ibuki-kun. Since I was the daughter of one of the Captain Commanders, I was technically given a seat right beside Otou-san along with the other officials. It should have been an honor to be allowed to sit by such prestigious men. I wanted to do nothing but avoid sitting in that area.

My flashy furisode had caught the attention of Matsudaira Munetake, the son of the Kyoto shoshidai, Matsudaira Munehide[5]. After being introduced to the young man through a bout of socialization, I noted the man tried to keep a hold on my attentions and had taken upon himself to introduce me to the other men his father worked with. He was nice and all, but I didn't like the way he was watching me and I definitely didn't like how he was trying to get me to visit him later.

So instead of running to Souji, which would probably end poorly in more ways than one since this was the Kyoto shoshidai's[6] son, I looked for the opportune moment to slip away and immediately bolted when the moment arrived. Sano-san had raised his eyebrow at me the moment I hastily appeared and latched onto his arm.

"Oh? You're not going to sit next to Kondou-san for the matches?" Sano-san asked, shaking his arm loose so he could put his hand fondly on top of my head.

I shook my head. "I'm not sitting there. Especially because Matsudaira Munetake-san won't leave me alone. He keeps trying to convince me to join him for dinner at his house tonight."

"Wah," Ibuki-kun commented, actually feeling bad for me this time. "You caught the attention of a lord? That sucks. You can't actually turn him down directly."

"It's all because I'm wearing this stupid furisode that he knows that I'm not married."

"Then you should be glad you're not wearing a fukura-suzume musubi to signal you're available for marriage," Sano-san said before brushing part of the cloth away to create a small opening he could peek out from. He seemed to grin when he saw Munetake-san look around in confusion, undoubtedly looking for me. "Otherwise more men might have taken an interest. You may not have the highest social standing, but when you dress up, you definitely look pretty enough to be more than just eye-catching."

"Uh… Thank you?" I said for the compliment. Nice to know that people thought I was pretty.

Sano-san just hummed before cloth dropped back to its previous normal position. "You should be safe now. The matches are about to start and he has to go take a seat."

I let out a large breath of relief at Sano-san's words and sagged against one of the tall wooden poles being used to keep the cloth border in place. Why was Munetake-san even interested in my company? I could hold a conversation but I wasn't exactly the most interesting person to speak to.

I stood up properly again and peeked out from behind the cloth to see the men taking their places. Both Sano-san and Ibuki-kun did the same. It was time for the matches to begin.

"First up is Hijikata-san and Heisuke, right?" Ibuki-kun asked us.

"Yeah," I answered, letting my eyes wander until I was Souji.

He didn't appear one bit nervous at all. He just looked like he normal would on any given normal day. Then, as if he could sense someone watching him, he looked up towards the cloth border. Even though he was unable to see me, he figured it out pretty fast. He first looked to the empty seat beside Otou-san then back towards the general area I was in before raising his eyebrow.

Sano-san, who caught that whole exchange just chuckled before asking, "Who do you think will win this matchup, Shizuka? Heisuke or Hijikata-san?"

"Hijikata-san," I answered without a moment of hesitation.

"Oh, ouch." Sano-san grinned despite his words. "I think Heisuke would be insulted at how fast you answered that question.

"Geez, don't make it sound like such a big deal," I defended myself with crossed arms. "It's not like I think Heisuke is any less skilled than Hijikata-san. It's just that Hijikata-san is the type of person that would do anything to win, even if it means fighting dirty."

Kind of ironic actually since Hijikata-san strongly believed in the way of the warrior and honor. But at the end of the day, logic is what won out of Hijikata-san. In reality, real enemies wouldn't necessarily fight with honor. It just comes down to who guts who first. Survival of the fittest and a contest of brains. There was no such thing as a fair fight outside of a dojo match.

I'd have to agree with Hijikata-san's line of thinking too. I would take survival over chivalry any day. Throw dirt in a person's eyes? Dirty move, but one I'd make if that meant it was the difference between getting stabbed or not.

"I see your point." Sano-san raised his hand up in front of himself in a yielding gesture.

"Oh, it looks like they're starting," Ibuki-kun announced, pointing to the center of the courtyard.

Both Sano-san and I turned our attentions back to the center of the courtyard. There stood Heisuke and Hijikata-san, both facing each other with a bokken in hand. Hijikata-san appeared to be his normal self, calm and composed. He was in a nice, solid middle stance. His eyes were already hard at work, observing and analyzing Heisuke's form.

Heisuke, on the other side, wasn't nearly as composed as his opponent. He was practically radiating with energy. It was impossible to hide that giant grin on his face as he fidgeted, bouncing on the ball of his feet.

The referee for the match stepped up between the two. "You may now begin!" he declared, dropping his hand before quickly moving away from the two should they immediately fly at each other.

As soon as the hand dropped, both men leaped away from each other, both favoring the space between them as they eyed each other. Heisuke's grin then grew larger as he began moving his sword in a sideways figure-eight motion.

"What's he doing?" Ibuki-kun asked, tilting his head slightly with his eyes on Heisuke's bokken.

"It's called the 'Wagtail Sword'," I said, inching a bit closer to cloth borders to get a closer look.

Ibuki-kun cleared his throat, urging me in his own way to explain what that was supposed to mean. I didn't bother explaining further, using my time to quickly duck back behind the cloth to avoid getting seen by Munetake-san.

Sano-san looked down at me with an amused grin before explaining, "The Wagtail Sword is a technique where he keeps the sword moving constantly so that his opponent can't read when he'll strike."

"Huh," Ibuki merely voice, turn his head back to focus on the fight. Neither fighters had really made a move yet.

Heisuke then inched his right foot forward, bluffing a lunge. Hijikata-san, however, wasn't fooled. All he did was lower his weapon so that it pointed towards the ground as he bent his knees, goading Heisuke on. Now feeling impatient, Heisuke leaped towards Hijikata-san with a great cry, slamming his bokken down only to be repelled. Heisuke was sent flying back from the force of Hijikata-san's counter, yet he was still able to land on his feet.

Hijikata-san didn't allow Heisuke to rest. He threw himself at Heisuke, hoping to take advantage of the opening with a downward slash. A loud conk sound echoed throughout the courtyard as the bokken smashed into each other. Heisuke was sent sliding back once more.

Instead of feeling pressured, both men were wearing wild grins.

It was an interesting matchup. Heisuke was smaller than Hijikata-san, hence his reach was more limited. But at the same time, Heisuke was faster and executed his moves with more skill. Hijikata-san, on the other hand, was physically larger than Heisuke in every way, translating into greater physical attacks and heavier blows.

Rolling out of the way, Heisuke managed to avoid Hijikata-san next blow before pushing himself off the ground toward Hijikata-san like a ballistic bullet. Hijikata-san was quick to defend himself, but that was all he could do against Heisuke's flurry of attacks.

I could have sworn that Heisuke had sent over five jabs towards Hijikata-san's face in a time span of fewer than thirty seconds.

Each of Heisuke's attacks was light and so fast that Hijikata-san was unable to dig his heels into the ground for a counter attack. Their bokken were never touching long enough for Hijikata-san to use that incredible strength to push back.

But Hijikata-san was not known for his skill as a swordsman, but rather his brain.

Instead of blocking Heisuke's next attack, Hijikata-san took the risky move and managed to dodge the next attack just by the skin of his teeth. Propelled forward by momentum, Heisuke found himself unable to stop himself, or rather, his face from colliding with Hijikata-san's bokken.

I winced and sucked in a sharp breath when I heard the smacking sound of his skull knocking against the wooden sword. Poor Heisuke. And he was doing so well against Hijikata-san too.

"OUCH!" Heisuke howled, dropping his bokken to favor clutching his now black eye.

"Match!" the referee hollered.

Hijikata-san let out a pleased huff before stepping out of the arena. He gave Otou-san a nod just as he took my empty seat, wholeheartedly accepting Otou-san's praise and a pat on the back. As for poor Heisuke, who apparently didn't seem like he minded the loss, he crawled under the cloth border to join us.

"Dang it… And here I was, so close," Heisuke muttered just as he came through from under the cloth.

"Oh, Heisuke…" Sano-san started to say before being stunned silent by the amazingly vibrant purple Heisuke's eye was now colored.

"Huh?" The black eye did nothing to dampen Heisuke's mood as his grin was larger than the crescent moon.

Sano-san shook his head, his lips curling upward in response to Heisuke. "Forget it. It was a good match."

Heisuke's grin just grew impossibly larger at the praise and didn't bother complaining when I started fussing over his swollen eye with ointment.

"It doesn't look too bad, but it would be better if I had some ice or something to reduce the swelling. All I have is some ointment…"

"Nah, it's fine, Shizuka-chan. This should just heal in a jiffy."

"But still…" I shoved the small clay jar of ointment into his hands after applying a generous amount on the flesh surrounding his eyes. "Hold on to this and apply it daily until the swelling goes down."

Heisuke just nodded and stuck the jar carelessly into a small pocket before pointing behind me. "Look! Hajime-kun and Shinpat-san's match is gonna begin soon!"

He then hastily rushed off to get a decent watching spot just left of Sano-san, jostling Ibuki-kun slightly when he shoved the blue-haired youth off to the side.

"Begin!" I heard the refer yell before I had a chance to get back to my previous watching spot.

Just like Saito-san had always done before, he used his dominant left hand as he prepared his stance, not modifying it for the sake of the lords watching. Up on the bleachers, I could see the officials whispering to each other over the brazen action while the lord sitting beside Otou-san turned to question Otou-san about Saito-san's reverse stance.

Who would win this match? Impossible to tell.

If I was asked who was the strongest in the Roshigumi, I'd say it'd be a three-way tie between Souji, Saito-san, and Shinpachi-san. Each did have their own various areas where they were specialized in, but that wasn't enough to predict who would win in a fight. But in this matchup, I would say Saito-san would win only because he was left-handed. It was difficult enough to predict Saito-san's movements, but doing it in reverse? Shinpachi-san was something else to be able to keep up with Saito-san so well.

Shinpachi-san attacked first, letting out a loud battle cry as he slammed his bokken against Saito-san's with groundbreaking force. The hit was even heavy against Saito-san's skilled hand. I could see Saito-san grit his teeth before he managed to repel Shinpachi-san's sword.

Everything that happened next was just a blurred mess as the echoes of wood colliding filled the courtyard. Attack after attack, blocked completely. Each counter attack, utterly useless. Even the men that had looked down on Saito-san for his reversed stance earlier had been stunned completely silent, watching the match with their jaws on the ground.

Then it was over in an instant. Saito-san's bokken was pressed against Shinpachi-san's side so lightly that I doubted that Shinpachi-san even felt it.

It was a terrifying thought but Saito-san was so fast and precise that he moved like an assassin.

Both men bow respectfully at each other, officially ending the spar before ducking under the cloth to join us. Shinpachi-san was still complaining rather loudly as he joined us.

"Dammit! I lost!"

Saito-san remained as silent as ever. The faint smile on his face, however, spoke in volume. He was more than just pleased with his victory.

"Good job!" Heisuke exclaimed cheerfully, crossing his arms behind his head as he grinned at the two men.

"Don't be so hard on yourself," I added, as I beamed at Shinpachi-san. "I was impressed with both of you. I know I'd get creamed if I ever went up against either of you."

Shinpachi-san puffed up with pride at my words of praise before patting me on the head. He was strangely mindful and didn't mess up my hair before he placed his hands on my shoulders to turn me towards the arena again.

"The final match is what you've been waitin' for, right?" Shinpachi-san said to me, grinning ear to ear. "Whatcha gonna give your lover if he wins?"

"A night to remember," I answered, purposely being vague as I enjoyed the faint pink color blooming on Shinpachi-san cheeks.

Shinpachi-san was now seeing images in his head. Probably really graphic images too.

"In fact, you'll probably remember it too. It'll be loud."

"S-Shizuka-chan! I don't need to hear you tellin' me the details 'bout you and Souji doin' the deed!"

I snorted at his response and the faint red that was also now appearing on Saito-san's cheeks, since he also heard every word I said.

"Get your mind out of the gutter!" I swiped my hand playfully at Shinpachi-san's shoulder. "I'm talking about making a fancy dinner tonight when we get back. Of course it's going to be loud. What party isn't?"

Sano-san let out a bark-like laugh at my retort. "Oi! Focus. They're beginning."

We all grew silent and focused on the center of the courtyard where Sannan-san and Souji were facing off. The referee let his hand drop, signaling the start of the match, but no one moved. Instead, Souji spoke.

"Once I win, the lord of Aizu will acknowledge Tennen Rishin-ryū. Sorry, but I'm going to use Sannan-san and the Ittō-ryū as stepping stone. This is for the good of Kondou-san and the Roshigumi. Please don't hate me."

"Oh my," Sannan-san replied to the bold statement. He didn't look phased at all. Instead, he was smiling. "It seems that I'm being looked down upon. You may be the best swordsman in Shieikan. But there's the difference of experience between us."

Then the match truly began.

Sannan-san started off the same way Heisuke did.

"Is that the Wagtail Sword again?" Ibuki-kun asked, squinting at Sannan-san bokken.

"Yeah…" Heisuke frowned slightly. "But Sannan-san… Is that going to work on Souji?"

Then Sannan-san attacked, hitting a brick wall as each one of his calculated strikes bounced off Souji's bokken harmlessly.

A confident smirk grew on Souji's face, almost looking haunting. "I can read your moves," Souji taunted.

Sannan-san gritted his teeth in response before sparing the time to push his glasses up his nose. "I see you've grown strong, Okita-kun."

Souji only gave Sannan-san the chance to finish speaking first because they were friends. Then I understood what Souji had meant this morning when he had told me that his fighting style had changed. The back of the neck, the throat, the solar plexus, all targets.

In a traditional dojo match with wooden swords, usually, it's whoever lands a hit first wins regardless of the location of the hit. Once upon a time, that's all that mattered to Souji in a spar, just being able to hit his opponent first. Souji was fighting like he was holding a real sword now. He was fighting like he was aiming to kill.

This seemed to unsettle the guys quite a bit.

"Just as I thought…," Shinpachi-san said, grimacing just as Sannan-san managed to just barely deflect another brutal assault. "Souji's fightin' style has changed. He's always been rough on everyone durin' practice, with the exception of Shizuka-chan, but now his style is even bloody. It's like he's wieldin' a real sword."

"Huh?" Ibuki-kun looked at us questioningly. "What do you mean by that?"

I pointed back at the two men sparring. "Watch," I said. Ibuki-kun still looked confused but did as I said. "Souji keeps aiming at the vital spots, area's that would cause a person to crumble if they were hit with a real sword. Even the angles he slashes at are similar. If you slash with the wrong angle, a real sword may easily bend or break. Controlling the angle is an essential skill."

Then as soon as I finished explaining, I felt Saito-san's cold hands cover my eyes. "Shizuka, you should not be watching. Watching a match such as this does not suit you."

"Yeah," I heard Sano-san agree, his voice slightly muted. "It's too bloody. You shouldn't have to see Souji when he's like this."

"So I'm only allowed to see Souji at his best?" I snorted at the absurdity of the notion as I pried Saito-san's hand off. "I'd hate to point this out but Souji is at his best when he's fighting. It's what he excels at."

Saito-san frowned at me disapprovingly, disliking how I had twisted everyone's words to suit my own needs.

"That's not what I mean," Sano-san said, narrowing his eyes at me. "No woman should have to see her man fight like he's killing. Doesn't it terrify you? Aren't you afraid of letting this affect your relationship with Souji?"

"Souji doesn't scare me. Strangers may see Souji as cruel, bloodthirsty, a murderer, but to me, he's the same person who he's always been. He's the same picky eater who likes to play pranks. He's the same person who's always looked after me as a child." I turned my head to just in time to watch Souji end the match by striking Sannan-san's shoulder. "There's nothing about Souji that's terrifying."

"Well, if you phrase it like that…" Heisuke let his voice trail off, not bothering to finish his sentence as I took off to congratulate Souji.

The guys took to conversing amongst themselves as I left. Sneaking around the opposite side of the cloth border to avoid being seen by Munetake-san, I made my way to the waiting area in the far corner of the courtyard. When I arrived, I pause behind the cloth, hesitating to make myself know just yet. Souji and Sannan-san were conversing.

"Sannan-san, what did you think of this match?"

"What do you mean?"

There was a short uncomfortable pause from Souji. "The bloodiness in my kenjutsu. It's because I've had a taste of what killing is like."

I strangled my long sleeves by tightening my hands around them as I bit my lower lip. I didn't like the sound of self-deprecation in his voice. Souji was devaluing himself and it hurt.

There was another brief pause, as if Sannan-san was carefully considering Souji's words. "You have grown stronger, Okita-kun."

"That's unexpected. Didn't you feel afraid when we crossed swords? You could've gotten killed."

"Let bygones be bygones. What truly matters is that you are now stronger than you once were. That's why I praise you wholeheartedly."

Praise from somewhere Souji least expected it.

I heard Souji hum as he took in those words before saying, "Sannan-san sure is hard to understand."

Then I heard Sannan-san leave the waiting area, undoubtedly going to take a seat beside Hijikata-san and Otou-san. I took this chance to snap my arms through the cloth border and pulled Souji behind, making him perform a quick disappearing act.

"Shizuka?! What are you—"

I didn't let him finish, sealing his lips with my own so aggressively that we accidently bumped noses as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

Souji froze stiff at the sudden action but it didn't take long for him to start responding. His arms wound around my waist, pulling me closer as his hands came to rest on my butt.

He smelled of sweat from his match and he was warmer than usual from his physical exercise. All that did was just make the kiss seem so much more heated as I transitioned into sucking on his lower lip greedily. Then, still unwilling to part, I nipped his lower lip just as he pulled away for air.

"Hmm…," Souji said, grinning wolfishly at me. "I could really go for another one of those, but I get the feeling that this isn't a reward for my win." His smile slid off as his expression softened all so tenderly. "What's wrong? Desperation doesn't suit you."

I averted my gaze slightly off to the side, focusing on the paved stone of the courtyard as I let my hands slide down to rub his arms. "I heard the conversation you just had with Sannan-san…" I closed my eyes briefly before looking back up at him. There guilt mixed with some other unidentifiable expression. "Why do you devalue yourself so? You make yourself sound like nothing more than a tool used for killing. You're more than that."

Souji sucked in a sharp breath before swallowing. "Shizuka… There only so much I can do. I'm not like resourceful like Hijikata-san. I don't understand things like politics and budgeting. I can't be useful to Kondou-san the way Hijikata-san is."

"But you have sharp instincts and good intuition. I know you can learn new tasks quickly if you apply yourself." I pulled him into the hug we both needed right now. "Please don't doubt yourself so much. There are things only you can do as well. You are just as valuable to Otou-san as Hijikata-san is."

"Yeah," he answered, his voice soft and toned down, "I know…"

"…"

"…"

Then his iconic grin resurfaced on his face after a brief silence as he willed the heavy atmosphere to vanish. It was too serious at the moment for his liking.

He let his hands mischievously slip down and through the lower folds of my furisode. I felt him lay his hand tantalizingly on my inner thigh. His thumb was so close to my core that I could feel it tickle me with its presence.

"I want a reward for my win. Will you give me one?" he whispered into my ear before nipping it. He wasn't as good as he thought he was at hiding his true feelings. His voice still shook slightly as a side effect of our previous topic.

"It depends." I followed the flow of the conversation, smiling just for him as I allowed him to control the topic. "What do you want? Ask away."

"Anything I want?"

"Anything," I answered as I reached under my kimono to fish his hand out.

With Munetake-san still looking for me, I can't imagine thing would bode well if that man so happens to find us with Souji's hand reached in between my thighs and under my kimono. Souji pouted when I removed his hand but decided to satisfy himself by giving me another pat on my butt before he pecked me on the lips.

"That's all I want for now." He looked pleased with himself. "I can't do anything too risqué right now, especially with Matsudaira Munetake pining after you."

"Wha—"

"I saw him following you around earlier. That's why you were hiding earlier, right?" Souji chuckled at my flabbergasted expression before tucking some hair behind my ear. "He just lucky he's the son of a lord. I would have punched him by now if he wasn't."

Yes, Souji was observant and far more intelligent than he realized.


I nearly slipped up and cut my finger as I was chopping the shiitake for dinner when the kitchen door snapped open without any finesse. I groaned internally and did my best to ignore the man that just stomped into the kitchen.

How was Serizawa not drunk yet? After returning from the visit to the Kyoto's Military Commissioner's headquarters, all he did was drink as a "job well done" reward.

"Hmph!" he voiced just as he snatched up a massive vessel filled with alcohol from one of the shelves. "I didn't think I would find you completely alone, even in the kitchen.

"I think it's more surprising to find you in the kitchen rather than it is to find me in the kitchen." I stopped chopping the shiitake in favor of turning to face him. Instead of putting the knife down, my hand tightened around its handle. "To what do I owe this pleasure to? I thought you'd order Ibuki-kun to fetch more saké for you instead of venturing down here yourself."

"You best learn how to curb your tongue, woman." Serizawa furrowed his brow in distaste. My sarcasm was one of his least favorite things. "It's interesting how all the men from your chichi-ue's dojo treat you so delicately without truly seeing you for your rudeness or without seeing how dangerously manipulative you can be at times. They're all fools."

"We all see only what we want to see. Shut one's eyes tight or open one's arms wide, either way, one's a fool." I narrowed my eyes at him. "But since you came down here to fetch your own alcohol instead of ordering Ibuki-kun to do so, you have more to say, don't you?"

"I've been issued a warning earlier during our time at the Military Commissioner's headquarters. I believe it had something to do with my 'bad behavior' and how it was negatively impacting Aizu's reputation. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?"

A smug smile surfaced on my face. "Women are such terrible gossips, aren't they?" And Kyoko-chan knew everyone. She was instrumental in speeding up the process for Serizawa's disposal. "A simple and small incident can blow up into inconceivable proportions on a woman's tongue."

Character assassination[7], a terrible way for anyone to go down.

"Interesting," Serizawa smirked, his interest tickled and my challenge accepted. "So you're going to use others to dispose of me instead of doing it yourself, huh? Don't think you're the only one who knows how to play this tune. I can just as easily manipulate the situation to dispose of you without actually laying a hand on you."

"Then shall we see who gets rid of who first?"

"Then I will make my move now," Serizawa said as he stepped towards me. "You know what I find very interesting? The fact that you are only twelve years younger than Kondou-kun."

I narrowed my eyes at his statement. The topic of our conversation just suddenly shifted one-eighty.

"And what does that have to do with anything?" I asked, feeling a twist in my stomach. What was he after?

"There's no way for you to be his actual daughter by blood. He's not the type to have illegitimate children. So where did you come from? Perhaps you're the daughter of a close relative, or of a close friend of his. Or perhaps you were an abandoned child that he found."

I flinched at the word "abandoned" before I could stop myself and Serizawa saw my mistake. His smirk grew wider and smug. He knew he touched a raw nerve.

"So I see… Enjoy your freedom while it last," Serizawa said as his parting words as he turned and stepped out of the kitchen, leaving me alone with dread building up in the pit of my stomach.

As soon as Serizawa was out of sight, my composure collapsed as I ran outside and threw up into the nearby bushes. I felt sick. Serizawa was looking way too confident in ratio to the sliver of information he managed to glean from me. Whatever he had planned for me, he had been working on for a while too. I should have expected it.

I didn't.


[1] A furisode (振袖, ふりそで, lit. swinging sleeves) is a style of kimono distinguishable by its long sleeves, which range in length from 85 centimeters for a kofurisode (小振袖) to 114 centimeters for an ōfurisode (大振袖). The sleeves are attached to the body of the kimono only for a short distance; the inner edge is open for the rest of its length, allowing the lining to show on the inner edge (or both, if the sleeve is left open on the outer edge as well).

Furisode are the most formal style of kimono worn by young unmarried women in Japan.

The furisode is made of very fine, brightly colored silk, and is commonly rented or bought by parents for their daughters to wear when celebrating Coming of Age Day the year they turn 20. By wearing a furisode, a young woman signifies that she is both single and a legal adult, and thus available for marriage. In this sense, a furisode might be likened to the formal gowns worn by debutantes in the West.

The furisode is generally worn for formal social functions such as the tea ceremony or wedding ceremonies of relatives. Since furisode can be quite expensive, many women rent them as needed rather than purchasing them.

[2] Taiko musubi (often translated as drum but that is incorrect, as it is not actually named after the taiko (drum), it is named after the Taiko Bridge, where it was first worn by some geisha, on the bridge's opening day, and afterwards caught on and became popular amongst all. Even in Japan, most incorrectly think it was named after the drum) is the most used musubi these days. It is simple and subdued and resembles a box. The taiko musubi is suited for both old and young women in almost any occasion and goes with almost any kind of kimono and in some cases even with yukata. Only furisode are considered too formal and youthful to be worn with the taiko musubi. Nowadays the taiko musubi is usually associated with the taiko drum, but the origin of the name does not relate to the instrument. The knot was created at the time of the festive opening ceremony of the Taikobashi bridge in Tokyo in 1823. Some geishas attending to the event tied their obis in a new, conspicuous way that was thought to resemble the shape of a "playing card", ichimai karuta). The knot was a variation of a simple men's knot used then. The knot worn by trendsetting geishas was later adopted by other women. By the creation of the taiko musubi, the accessories obiage, obijime and obimakura were also established. These accessories belong to most kimono outfits used today.

[3] Fukura-suzume musubi (puffed sparrow) is a decorative knot that resembles a sparrow with its wings spread and is worn only by unmarried women. It is suitable for formal occasions and is only worn with a furisode. Traditionally, the fukura-suzume musubi worn with a furisode indicated a woman was available for marriage.

[4] Kataginu are men's vests with broad, wing-like shoulders, worn with hakama, or trousers, to form a kamishimo, or complementary outfit. The hakama are worn in a contrasting color or fabric from the kataginu. Also worn are naga-bakama, trousers in the same fabric as the kataginu, giving the impression of an elegant coverall called naga-gamishimo.

The costume is designed for maximum mobility in swordplay or the martial arts. It was historically worn for combat by samurai warriors. It combined elegant design with the flexibility essential for spontaneous combat. The colors and patterns of the outfit indicated the clan that the samurai served.

The kataginu is built like a big shawl or collar, with a flat panel in back tapering into lapels in the front and eventually two streamers that are tucked into the hakama to secure them. The fabric is usually very stiff silk, linen, or hemp, with a stiff lining.

Kataginu are some of the most ancient forms of Japanese dress, dating from before the Middle Ages (c. 500–c. 1500 C.E.). They are now seen only in ceremonial costumes worn by Japan's imperial family or in Kabuki theater costumes. In theater the garment always represents the role of any samurai serving the daimyo, or ruler.

[5] Matsudaira Munehide (松平 宗秀, October 21, 1809 – December 20, 1873), also known as Honjō Munehide (本庄 宗秀), was a Japanese daimyo of the late Edo period who ruled the Miyazu Domain (modern-day Miyazu, Kyoto). He was known by the titles "Hōki-no-kami" (伯耆守 Hōki-no-kami) (post-1840) or "Tango-no-kami" (丹後守 Tango-no-kami) (post-1868).

Munehide served in a variety of positions in the Tokugawa shogunate, ultimately rising to the position of rōjū in the period from September 1864 through September 1866. Previously, he had been Kyoto shoshidai in the period spanning July 26, 1862 through September 17, 1862. In addition, he served as jisha-bugyō from November 1858 through November 1861; and he was Osaka jōdai from February 1861 through July 1862.

[6] The Kyoto Shoshidai (京都所司代 Kyōto Shoshidai) was an important administrative and political office in the early modern government of Japan. However, the significance and effectiveness of the office is credited to the third Tokugawa shogun, Iemitsu, who developed these initial creations as bureaucratic elements in a consistent and coherent whole.

[7] Character assassination is a deliberate and sustained process that aims to destroy the credibility and reputation of a person, institution, social group, or nation. Agents of character assassinations employ a mix of open and covert methods to achieve their goals, such as raising false accusations, planting and fostering rumors, and manipulating information.

Character assassination is an attempt to tarnish a person's reputation. It may involve exaggeration, misleading half-truths, or manipulation of facts to present an untrue picture of the targeted person. It is a form of defamation and can be a form of ad hominem argument.

For living individuals targeted by character assassination attempts, this may result in being rejected by their community, family, or members of their living or work environment. Such acts are often difficult to reverse or rectify, and the process is likened to a literal assassination of a human life. The damage sustained can last a lifetime or, for historical figures, for many centuries after their death.

The phrase "character assassination" became popular from around 1930.