It took until about noon for Beth to really feel how beat her body really was.
Daryl Dixon, what did you do to me? She tried to stretch every which way to loosen herself up and it seemed to help some with the soreness, but there was nothing she could do for the tiredness.
By early afternoon, she was passed-out asleep beside Judith, on the floor of Rick's motel room. When she awoke, Maggie was sitting on the edge of the bed, grinning at her with wide green eyes. 'Sleepy?' she mouthed.
Beth moaned and rolled over to look at the baby, still wrapped up in her nap. "Sorry, I'm up now, I swear," she yawned. "They back yet?" she glanced out the window, but saw from the light that it was way too early in the day. She was trying to keep her voice down, but Judith began to whine as her eyes opened.
"Nope," Maggie scooped Judith up off the ground, sitting on the edge of the bed, she set the baby next to her, wrapping one arm around her to keep her from tipping over.
Cracking her back, Beth sat up straight with another low groan. "How're you holding up?"
"I feel ready-to-go," Maggie shrugged, "but this morning Bob told Rick to give me at least three more days. I figure that's how long we got 'till we move forward with the plan."
"You almost died," Beth pointed out, shuddering to think of it.
"We all did," Maggie raised and lowered one shoulder, keeping her eyes down on Judith's fluffy head. "Listen, I gotta tell someone, but it can't be Glenn. Can you promise not to get me benched?"
Without hearing her sister say another word, Beth discerned her secret with a single look into her intense, pale eyes. Her own got wide, "You're pregnant."
"I might be," Maggie corrected her. "Don't know for sure… I'd never keep this from Glenn, usually. But with us planning to go back into Terminus—I can't risk him getting all protective and telling Rick."
"But he's right. Maggie, if you might be havin' a baby you shouldn't go in there—you can protect Judith and I'll go in your place—"
"That's never gonna happen, Beth," Maggie shook her head, "You're not a soldier. It could be nothin', maybe we walk in, clean the place out and leave, but it could be bad. I'm not letting you go in there."
"But Maggie—"
"If I hang back and something happens to Glenn," her voice started to break but she swallowed hard. "No. We need everyone, lookin' out for one another. You gotta stay with the baby, keep her out of danger. Keep yourself out, while you're at it. I couldn't handle it if something happened to you."
"That's how I always feel, you know," said Beth, gaze unshaken on her sister's stubborn expression. "Whenever you, or Glenn, or Carl or Daryl go out there and I'm left behind to… hope. How do you think I'll feel if somethin' happens to you afterI didn't get you benched?"
"Glenn and I will protect each other. You protect her." She kissed Judith on the top of her head, face splitting into a smile. "I know that it's not the best of timing but… I really want to have a child."
"I get that," absentmindedly Beth began to draw her finger over the carpet next to her.
"You and Daryl bein' careful?" Maggie let Judith have both her index fingers in her tiny fists.
Nervously, Beth laughed, "I must be kinda dumb—I honestly hadn't even thought about it," she shrugged, "But I dunno, I feel like I don't need to worry. If it happens, then it happens."
"That is dumb," Maggie shook her head, laughing. "Or maybe you just skipped all the worryin' and went straight to accepting that life has to go on. Took a while for me and Glenn to get there. Still not sure we're there, to be honest."
She needed to talk to Daryl. "That's the nice thing about havin' an older sister. I can learn from your experience and skip whatever doesn't look like fun," Beth batted her eyes.
"You're welcome."
"I always wanted kids," Beth reached back into her memory, finding the girl who she used to see in the mirror every day, before the turn. "…I didn't think it'd happen, 'cause I'd figure I'djust die. Then, after I decided I was gonna survive, I still couldn't imagine it. Watchin' what Lori and Rick went through with Judith…"
Maggie grimaced, hand absent-mindedly moving to her stomach.
"Sorry. I shouldn't bring that up," Beth cringed. "I sorta gave up for a while. I couldn't imagine a baby in this world. I hated Lori and Rick for being so careless. How would they protect their baby? How could a child ever grow up and be happy? For a second there, I was determined to die a virgin." She tucked her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. "Except… after Judith was born—you remember how Daryl was?" she grinned, recalling when he'd scooped the baby up to make sure she ate her first meal. He'd held her so gently, spoken so sweetly to her.
"Is that when you decided you liked him?" Maggie copied her smile.
"That's when I knew it wasn't a just stupid crush. But I was still nervous… 'cause he's older than me, so I tried to forget about it… That was the moment when I realized that I could have children and they would be alright. People could keep being people. Living. There was hope for babies too."
Maggie nodded, lips tight, eyes glistening but she fought the tears back and after a moment she smiled and said, "Well, Judith's gonna need some friends anyway."
A rumble from the parking lot brought both of them to their feet in unison. It sounded like the engine of their own military jeep, returned a little early, but all the same they knew better than to take anything for granted these days. Automatically, Maggie handed Judith to Beth and put her hand over her gun, checking out the window. "It's them," she relaxed. "I wonder why they're back so early."
Out in the parking lot, they found Eugene lecturing Tara on the best way to prepare venison. Abraham and Carol were unloading a kill from the back of the jeep.
Carl took Judith, just in time for Beth to see where Daryl had disappeared to. She approached him shyly at first. He'd kissed her when Rick was watching that morning and her first instinct on seeing him home safe was to throw her arms around him, and go in for a smooch, but she wasn't sure how comfortable he'd be with that when everyone was watching.
To her delight, he approached her, spreading his arms at the last second to invite her into his chest. She even heard herself let out the tiniest squeal as she grabbed his waist. He'd still had his crossbow in hand. The weight of it rested against her back. His heart was quick, like he'd been running, and she realized that her own heart was in sync with his again.
He tipped her chin back, kissing her softly on the lips. She wondered if he felt everyone staring for a half-second, then decided she didn't care if they were. He stroked his mouth against hers slowly and she felt a fluttering deep in the pit of her stomach.
Nearby, Maggie greeted Glenn, "Why are you guys back so soon?"
"Nothing went wrong," said Glenn quickly, "We just found plenty for one day and we thought that a little rest might be just as valuable as a few more cans of Spam, at this point."
"Don't be knockin' Spam," she heard Carl say.
In response, Glenn made a face.
Beth finally pulled away from Daryl, but kept her hand on his arm as she turned to ask Glenn, "What's plenty?"
"Fuel. For this beast," Glenn smacked the side of the jeep. "We found two cars with full tanks."
"Some kinda trap," Daryl mused, "Spikes in the road took out the tires, so survivors had to try and find help on foot. Didn't make it back. Whoever set up the trap never came to claim."
Beth shuddered to imagine why someone would set up a trap like that, but she knew the answer, they were still near Terminus. She'd be willing to bet that before they'd polished their operation they might have tried a few different methods to catch people and bring them into their web.
"And you found a deer?" two days in a row with a proper meal, Beth was beginning to feel spoiled.
"She found us, more like," Daryl grumbled, "No favor for her." He fell silent when he saw Rick approaching them.
Rick nodded in acknowledgement before he said, "Beth, Daryl—can I have a word?" and motioned for them to step aside.
In spite of his unconcerned demeanor that morning, she worried for a few seconds that he might not approve of them. She couldn't imagine there was much he could do about it—besides that his influence over Daryl was considerable. Suddenly a little nervous, Beth laced her fingers through Daryl's. In less than a half-dozen quick heart-beats, she felt foolish as Rick proved to be thinking in an entirely different direction.
Even as he spoke to them, Rick seemed preoccupied as usual. He tried to look them in the eyes, but she could tell that he was always searching the landscape with whatever other senses he could spare. "This is the second day in a row that we've managed to get some decent food. We'll be alright tomorrow too, but I've been thinkin'…" he gestured to the woods, "Would you offer any objections to switching from runner to hunter for the rest of our stay? If your leg can take it, I mean."
"Leg's fine," Daryl nodded.
"Me too?" Beth asked hopefully.
"Couldn't let him go out there alone—besides, it's a valuable skill you're developing," Rick shrugged.
"Only problem is, these woods are spare. A herd plowed right through here, not long ago. We might have to travel a day out, or more."
Rick nodded, understanding, "Just make it one night away, if you can. That'll give you a day to rest up before we take Terminus."
Twenty minutes later, Beth was still basking in relief. She wasn't sure why she had worried in the first place. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that Rick was never going to assert that it would be any of his business what she and Daryl did. At the same time, she couldn't help but feel like asking the two of them to go off into the woods overnight together to look for food, was his own very Rick-ish way of showing approval. He wouldn't have encouraged them to be alone together, if he had any reservations about their relationship.
There was some work to do, but for once it didn't seem like there was enough to keep everyone occupied at once. They'd finally hit of a point of diminishing returns on their chores and as a result, everyone was either relaxing or doing their work at a more leisurely pace, with the exception of Tara and Eugene who were preparing dinner and next-day jerky for the whole group.
Daryl and Beth, with Judith in her lap again, found a shady spot beside the motel office. It was a good vantage point to spy on what everyone else was up to.
Near enough to the chefs that they shared conversation, Bob and Abraham were teaching Carl to play Texas Hold 'Em with a deck of worn playing cars that someone had found next to a copy of the Holy Bible in one of the motel rooms.
Michonne, Carol and Rick were arranging the gasoline they'd siphoned in the back of the truck.
Glenn was helping Rosita and Maggie with laundry, or he was distracting them, it was hard to tell.
Tyreese and Sasha were having what looked like an intense conversation in the tree-line on the edge of the motel property.
A cool breeze blew Beth's ponytail into her face, she shook it back and shivered. It was cooling off fast, but she couldn't believe that it was so late in the year already. "You remember when you first came to the farm, and Rick had Glenn go on that run with Maggie? Do you think he did it on purpose?"
"What do you mean?" but from the red tinge in Daryl's cheeks, she was pretty sure that he had some notion what she meant. All the same, he wouldn't meet her eyes. The side of his mouth twitched as he straightened the feather on the end of one of his bolts, looking at it intently.
"You know," she cocked her head at him and waited for his blue eyes to flicker to her face before she grinned.
"I dunno," he bounced the end of the bolt off his lips, then turned and flicked it towards Beth's face.
Instead of flinching away, she puckered, felt the feather connect lightly with her own lips and laughed. "I think he did."
"To like, set 'em up, or whatever?" Daryl mumbled, barely willing to admit that he did understand what she was implying.
"Yeah—or, I dunno, maybe it wasn't like he was assigning them to be apocalypse-married or anything like that, but I think… right when he and my dad met, Rick wanted us to be one group. I think he was trying to get us to all mix. Make friends."
"Hmm," Daryl was still eyeing the bolt in his hand. "Here, trade me," he set the bolt on top of his crossbow and pushed it towards her, gesturing for her to give him the baby.
"What am I gonna do with this?" Beth looked around for something that could serve as a target. They hadn't done practice shooting in a while, but her aim was pretty decent already.
Daryl set the baby on top of his good thigh, wrapping one arm across her little torso. "Load it."
"But you always load it," Beth looked at the crossbow doubtfully. She'd definitely noticed the way Daryl's arms bulged when he loaded the weapon. She doubted she would be able to do it, and she'd assumed that he knew as much. Without even discussing it, he'd always taken it upon himself to load the bolt and then hand it back to her to shoot.
"You gotta learn," he gestured towards the crossbow again.
Tentatively, she put the bolt into place.
"Make sure you got it pointed at the ground, or at least well away from anythin' you don't want dead. Just like a gun."
She started trying to pull back on the string, the more taut it went, the more her arms stiffened. "Oh man," she gasped. "You're strong." After a few more seconds of struggling she gave up. Her fingers were white where she'd gripped it, but the color rushed back into them in a burst of pink.
"Give it another go, in a few."
"I'm pretty sure I just don't have the muscle," Beth winced, ashamed to admit it.
"Yeah, I figured," Daryl hefted Judith up above his head, "but it's not something you just have. You gotta work at it." Slowly, he lowered the baby onto his shoulders, so her little legs were dangling on either side of his head. She squealed, grabbing a handful of his hair. "Even if you got the muscles, they don't know how to do it yet. Teach 'em."
By the time dinner was served, Beth's arms were sore, and she still hadn't managed to load the bolt. Still, Daryl seemed pleased to watch her keep at it, so she was determined to build up the necessary strength… but it might take a while.
She was still eating, while Daryl massaged one of her aching shoulders with one hand. He'd inhaled his meal in minutes, but stuck around as everyone else was eating and talking. Beth wondered if maybe she should ask Michonne to work with her on starting a daily strength training regimen.
All evening, at the back of her mind, her conversation with Maggie lingered on. She knew now that her main fear about having children had been her own inability to keep them safe. Even with Daryl as their father, she couldn't guarantee that something wouldn't happen to them, or to her. The world was too dangerous, there was no such thing as being too prepared anymore. She wanted children and she wanted nieces and nephews too. She ought to be able to protect any little ones, and teach them how to protect themselves when they were old enough. That was just the way things were now.
We all got jobs to do. I am a hunter and a caretaker and a fighter. I need to be a mother, and I need to be a killer.
That night, when she was wrapped up in Daryl's arms again, thinking about a million things at once, she accidentally gave herself away. "I was talkin' with Maggie," she lay on her stomach, on top of his chest, while he stroked his fingers through her hair. "And, I realized… I should probably ask you—make sure you're okay with the idea of us havin' kids."
Daryl's fingers stiffened against her scalp. "Maggie's pregnant?"
Dammit. "Yeah, maybe."
"Shit. Glenn don't know."
"How'd you guess that?" she lifted her head, her chin jutting into the exact center of his chest, her heart dropped a little when she saw his face. He was ghost-pale.
"'Cause he'd be an unholy mess if he did," Daryl swallowed, looking up at the ceiling.
"…What about you?"
He was quiet for a moment, thinking, and chewing on his tongue. "I don't know. Maybe I'd die on the spot, but I always liked kids. You just gotta keep me from bein' a crappy dad, alright? Some of it I can handle, but other things… damn, Greene, you gotta help me out."
"So, you won't be mad? If I get pregnant?"
"Mad? Hell no. Pissin' my pants terrified… probably."
Pecking him lightly on the lips, she acknowledged inwardly that she already knew him well enough to know that would be his reaction. Maybe she'd just needed to hear him say it out-loud. "You'd be a great dad."
"You want babies?"
"Yeah."
"You can have all the babies you want."
House on a Hill – Pretty Reckless
