A/N: Hey guys! I apologize for such a long wait. I've barely had anytime to write anything because I've been focusing on getting ready for college, which i'll be moving to in a couple of weeks. But anyways, i hope you guys forgive me :)

Here's the next chapter! I hope you like it.

Warning(s): Mentions of past violence


Kurt thought of what Blaine had told him. But he couldn't help but think of the possibility that things will turn out bad with Carole as they did with his real mom, even if it was just a slight possibility.

He thought of that day he and his mom had dinner with Blaine's family. Then he thought of when they went home that same day.

...

It was quiet in the car on their way home. Too quiet. He didn't know why his mother chose to go to dinner with Blaine's family. It was terrifying how good she was at acting like a normal mother, even though he could see right through her.

He didn't know why he expected her to act differently. She obviously was smart enough to treat him like an actual human being. That doesn't mean it didn't confuse him. He jumped a little in his seat when his phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out and saw it was a message from Blaine.

Home yet? -Blaine

No. Still in the car. -Kurt

Are you okay? My mom was worried, you seemed quiet today. -Blaine.

Kurt bit his lip. He didn't like lying to Blaine but he felt like he had no choice but to lie. He couldn't tell him the truth.

I'm fine. I was just nervous. :) -Kurt

Kurt looked up sharply when the car stopped. They were finally home. They both got out of the car silently. He followed slowly behind his mother, not knowing what was going to happen when they got inside. He felt his phone vibrate in his hand but made no move to check it.

By the time they were in the house, Kurt was shaking. He hated not knowing whether or not she would hurt him.

"Your father would have loved him." Kurt looks at her with wide eyes when she says this. She's smirking, and Kurt immediately feels uneasy. He doesn't respond to her. He doesn't even move. One false move or one wrong response, could add another bruise to the unwanted collection on his body.

"He was always one to encourage things that shouldn't be encouraged." She said almost softly. "You. My impossible dream. You should be glad I saved you from such a bad influence." She looks him over with a disgusted look. "Even though I was too late to fix you it seems."

"I don't need fixing." He whispered, immediately regretting it because nothing good ever comes from talking back to his mother. She laughs.

"Your boyfriend tell you that?" She asked. Kurt squeezes his eyes shut. Memories of Blaine telling him that he's wonderful and amazing the way he was flashing in front of him. "You must be one hell of a liar to convince him that you're anything but a disappointment." He forces himself not to cry. He feels his phone vibrate again in his hand and ignores it.

"H-he cares about me." He mumbles to her, opening his eyes to see her closer than she was before.

"No one cares about you." She says sharply and it hurts him more than when she punched him in his stomach that morning just because she felt like it. "You're precious boyfriend doesn't know you. He doesn't see how fucking weak you are." She shoves him into a wall. "He doesn't know about these huh?" She demands, lifting up his shirt, exposing his ruined porcelain skin. He shakes his head, closes his eyes again, and hates him self when he feels a tear slip down his cheek.

"He wo-wouldn't c-care about them." He whispered. She shoves him harder into the wall. His back aches now.

"Keep telling yourself that sweetheart." She scoffs. "Let me know when you start to believe it. I'll be glad to knock so sense into you." He expects to be punched or kicked or slapped instead she lets him go and walks away. He lets out a breath of relief. His phone vibrates again, he chances a glance at it. 3 messages from Blaine.

Oh Kurt, there was no reason to be nervous. -Blaine

You home yet? -Blaine

Call me when you get home baby -Blaine

He forced himself to walk to his room, still looking around as if his mother would change her mind about letting him off unharmed. He closed his door, crawled into bed and called Blaine.

...

Kurt knew for a fact that Carole would never hurt him purposefully. But his head liked to tell him otherwise. He hated that he couldn't feel safe even though he knew he was. He expressed this to Julia at one of his psychotherapy sessions.

"I think maybe it's time to go over the attack in full. I think if we go over that, we'll learn the source of why you're so afraid to have a mother figure." Julia said.

"I already know the source. I got the shit beat out of me. There's no hidden meaning or something." Kurt snapped at her. She didn't falter.

"If it was as simple as that, do you think you would still have nightmares about it? Still have panic attacks when you're reminded of it? Shut people out when you don't want to talk about it? Have a problem with having a mother?" She threw questions left and right at him.

"I've told you almost everything-"

"You just said almost Kurt." She said with a raised eyebrow. Kurt snapped his mouth shut and his face flushed. Julia looked at him and sighed. "You've come a long way Kurt. But don't expect to feel better or safe until you're actually ready to look back at what happened in full. You can't pretend it didn't happen and you can't bottle it up. If you're going to move on you're going to have to do it sooner or later."

"Do I have to talk about it now?" Kurt asked in a small voice. Julia shook her head.

"No. Not this session but soon. I'm not going to force it out of you Kurt. That will only make matters worse." She told him and he sighed in relief. "Now anything else you need to talk about?"

"College." He said biting his lip. She was silent as she waited for him to elaborate. "Originally I was so sure I wanted to go to New York. I felt confident about it. I was ready to just get away from here, be with Blaine and make new friends." As he spoke she noticed how happy he sounded when he talked about going away and scribbled a note in her notebook. "But I decided that I wasn't ready to go just yet." He finished off sadly.

"When did you decided this?" She asked.

"Well I've had doubts for a while. About leaving my dad. Especially after his heart attack. I missed so much time with him, and I don't think I'm ready to leave him again." He explained to her.

"What about Blaine and your friends?" Her tone was neutral, as it always was when she asked him questions.

"I'm going to miss them but they understand." He answered, feeling his insides twist painfully at the thought of being without his friends. "Whatever I choose will hurt either way."

"Didn't you say you've already chosen?" She countered. He sighed.

"Wes made a deal with me and now I have to apply to some schools in New York. He said I don't have to go to any of them but.." He cut off looking for the proper words. "They are all so amazing! And I hate that I could picture myself there, I just want to spend more time with my dad. I can't just leave." He said in a sad voice.

"Why can't you?" She asked.

"Because it'll be like losing him all over again." He admitted and it hurt more to actually say it out loud.

"But this time he'll actually know where you are and be able to visit you." She added, not sounding like she was for or against his decision. Kurt nodded. "Have you talked to your father about this?" She asked him.

"Briefly." Kurt said.

"Talk to him about this. Talk to your friends. Talk to Blaine. Then go about making your decision. It's not good to make a decision just because it's the safest. It's better to make a decision because it's the one you feel is right." She informed him wisely. He was silent but nodded in agreement. "Now how are you doing with the Zoloft?"

"I wasn't handling it well at first." He told her sheepishly. "I was..extremely irritable and I got a lot of headaches." She hummed and wrote something down.

"Suicidal thoughts?" She asked seriously.

"No." He responded truthfully. Then looked at the clock. Their time was up for the day.

"Good. Have you missed a day?" She continued on.

"No. I've been taking them everyday." He said proudly. She smiled at him.

"That's great Kurt. Keep it up." She praised him. "Now before our next session I want you to talk to your father and your friends about how you're feeling regarding this whole college thing. And maybe even the mother thing too. If you think you're ready for that." She said with an encouraging smile.

"Okay, I'll try to talk to them." He promised.


"So..." Burt started awkwardly. Kurt had gotten home and neither Finn nor Carole were anywhere to be seen. He guessed that it would be easier to talk about everything with people lingering around. "Why did you decide not to go to New York?"

"I..um.." Kurt shifted in his seat, not meeting his dad's eyes. "I don't think I'm ready to leave you just yet." Burt felt his heart swell with love. He knew that he'd have trouble letting Kurt go once again but this was different and he couldn't hold him back.

"And you're ready to leave Blaine?" Burt asked his son bluntly. Kurt looked at his father sharply. He hadn't been expecting this question.

"I...no I don't think so. But aren't parents supposed to stop young couples from being so dependent on each other." Kurt questioned curiously.

"Are you having doubts about your relationship?" Burt asked him. Kurt immediately shook his head.

"Not at all. I love Blaine more than anything." Kurt said passionately and Burt had to suppress a smirk.

"Listen son. Some teenagers latch on to each other too fast and for the wrong reasons. But that's not you and Blaine. It's been..what three years?" Kurt nodded with a smile on his face. "I've seen the way you look at each other Kurt. People have to wait so much longer to find a love like you two have. You both have been through so much and stuck together. Nothing is wrong with being dependent but you have to focus on yourself too. Which you both have been, and I'm proud of you both for that." Burt told his son. "But that's beside the fact now. Kurt, your friends have been your support system for so long. Without them you would have never been as comfortable around people as you are now. And I know that's scary, you all might be going to different places. But I don't want you to stay here because it's safe-"

"That's not why I'm staying dad." Kurt cut him off. "I'm staying because I don't want to lose you."

"Kurt all I have to do is catch a plane to get to you. I'm not going anywhere." Burt said with a frown.

"It wont be the same. Maybe I'll be ready the next year or the year after." Kurt said, suddenly interested by the threads coming out of the sweater he was wearing.

"I'm not letting you put off your future because of me Kurt. You don't even like Ohio. You've never liked it." Burt said sternly.

"But you're here." Kurt cried, looking up at him. "Do you not want me here?" He asked sounding hurt.

"Of course I do bud." Burt backtracked. "But I also want what's best for you. What kind of life could you have here?"

"I have a life here now. And I could work with you. It doesn't matter." Kurt said as if it was as simple as that.

"Kurt, I would love for you to be able to be here with me all the time but I don't want you to have any regrets." Burt started of gently. "Your mother used to say the same thing. That she would stay here. That her future didn't matter. She just gave up. You both had similar dreams and you've already given up on it."

"So.." Kurt's voice cracked and Burt's eyes widened when he saw he was crying. "You're comparing her to me? Even though you said I could never be like her."

"Kurt you're not your mother, I was just saying-" Burt tried reasoning with him but Kurt wasn't hearing it.

"Maybe I should be locked away now. So I won't hurt anybody." Kurt said standing up.

"Kurt, listen to me." Burt pleaded, getting up as well. "I'm just trying to make sure you don't make the same mistakes she did."

"I'm not like her. I'm not." Kurt was lost in his head. He was rushing to grab his phone, his keys, and his wallet. "I can't be like her."

"Kurt!" Burt yelled trying to get Kurt to listen but Kurt was already heading to outside and to his car. Burt sighed and knew it was no use trying to run after Kurt. He felt better in an hour when he got a call from Blaine saying that Kurt was over at his house.


"You don't think I'm making the wrong decision right?" Kurt asked Blaine with watery eyes. They were in Blaine's bedroom, laying down together. Blaine had his arms around Kurt's waist and his chin hooked on his shoulder.

"I don't think I'm the right person to answer that baby." Blaine answered carefully after a beat. Kurt shifted so he was facing Blaine.

"Why not?" Kurt questioned. Blaine pulled him a bit closer.

"Kurt what are you going to do in Ohio?" Blaine asked seriously. "I would never stop you from doing what you want, but I don't want you to regret anything you do." Kurt frowned at him.

"You're sounding just like my dad right now. Why does this have to be something I regret? How do you know this isn't the right thing to do?" Kurt spat out the question.

"Kurt you're twisting my words." Blaine said softly and calmly, trying to get his boyfriends to let go of his anger. "I'm just asking you if you have a plan?"

"I..." Kurt hesitated and looked at Blaine with wide scared eyes. "I don't know what to do. I want to be with my dad, but he obviously doesn't want me to be with him anymore. And I want to be with you but I...I feel like no matter what I do it's going to be hard for me to get use to." Kurt admitted.

"Okay first of all, of course your dad wants you here." Blaine began. "But he also wants what's best for you."

"And it sounds like you agree with him." Kurt added on quietly. Blaine sighed.

"I just think you're afraid to start moving on." Blaine explained. Kurt frowned at him.

"I get that you want me in New York with you Blaine-"

"This is about more than our relationship Kurt." Blaine cut him off. Kurt looked at him in surprise. "This is about you. You figuring out what you want to do and not being afraid to do it. Do you really think you're going to find that here?"

"I'm not my mother Blaine. Just because I don't know what I want doesn't mean I'm crazy." Kurt snapped at him, immediately pulling away from Blaine and sitting up on the bed with his back turned.

"I never said that Kurt. You're avoiding the question baby." Blaine said moving to sit up as well.

"Well I'm tired of being asked questions like that." Kurt huffs throwing his hands up and mistakenly hitting Blaine in the face. Blaine winced at the hit and looked up to see Kurt's horrified face.

"Kurt." He said slowly. "It was a mistake, you didn't mean to hit me." He reached out for Kurt but he scrambled out of the way.

"I hit you." Kurt whispered sounding terrified. "Oh my god."

"Kurt, it was a mistake. You weren't even looking in my direction." Blaine tried to calm him but Kurt seemed too afraid of himself to believe Blaine. Blaine slowly walked towards Kurt.

"D-don't come near me!" Kurt yelled backing away. "I'm a monster." Blaine felt his heart break at Kurt's words.

"Baby, it was an accident. I know you'd never hurt me on purpose." Blaine said calmly. Kurt was still backing away from him. "Kurt, please come here baby." Kurt shook his head almost hysterically.

"N-no! I'm just going to hurt you." He cried before turning and leaving the room.

"Shit." Blaine swore before running to grab his sweater and sneakers. He ran downstairs and out the door. He looked around and saw that Kurt's car was still outside of his house. He plopped down on the stairs of his house trying to think of where else Kurt would run to on foot.


Kurt didn't know why he was here. He never thought he would come back to this house. It was boarded up and deserted but he still found his way inside.

His old house looked so different. It was a mess from everything that happened. He had to shield his eyes when he walked through the living room. He was in no way ready to see how that looked. He walked to his old room. Everything was how he remembered leaving it. It was mostly empty.

He walked down the hall to his mother's room and hesitated before walking inside. It was a mess as well. The mirror that was above her dresser was broken. So was the window. Clothes and other various items were strewn about. There were bottles of beer scattered on the floor. It was terrifying.

He took a deep breath before forcing himself further in the room. He didn't know what he was looking for but he felt drawn to her dresser. He sniffed the air unconsciously and shivered when he realized it still smelled of her perfume. He opened the top drawer of the dresser and moved stuff around. There was a picture of her, himself, and his dad in there. He pushed it aside, not wanting to see the family that they once were. He frowned when he saw a black notebook in the dresser. He took it out and observed it. He looked around as if he was afraid someone would catch him before opening it to the first page. His eyes widened as he read.

Dear Journal,

Today I did something I never thought I'd do. I mean I've had several dreams about it, but I always made sure not to.

I don't think I really meant to hit Kurt. I mean at the time I thought he deserved it. He was being an ungrateful little brat as always. Usually I would just yell at him. Then Burt would yell at me for yelling at him. I can only imagine what he'd do if he knew I hit Kurt.

The weird thing is that it felt really good. To see the tears in his eyes. To see how pitiful he looked afterward. I should feel bad about it but I don't.

Maybe it's because he's such a disappointment of a son. He was the one who prevented me from living out my hopes and dreams. So maybe this is just payback.

But I shouldn't be thinking like this. I shouldn't want to beat the shit out of my own son. I just want him to suffer a bit for what he did to me. Forcing me to stay in this town. Making Burt think I need to talk to a shrink because of how much I yelled at Kurt. Everything was all his fault.

There's nothing wrong with getting well deserved revenge right?

Kurt was holding in sobs by the time he finished reading the first entry. He flipped all the way to the last page and forced himself to keep it together while he read the last entry.

Dear Journal,

I got fired. Again. I don't think I can live this way anymore.

I almost killed Kurt. He's still breathing...He might wake up soon.

He doesn't understand why I have to do this to both of us. He doesn't understand I'm doing him a favor by doing this. He'll never achieve his silly dreams. He's been punished so much his entire life, it's time for him to be relieved of it.

The people at my job thought I was crazy. Everyone always thinks I'm crazy. I'm not. I AM NOT!

The entry was unfinished. There was also blood stains on the page. Kurt wondered if it was his. He's aware he's shaking but can't make himself calm down. He knows he should stop reading but he can't now.

Dear Journal,

So I was right about Kurt being a disgusting faggot. Gosh why did I have to get him as a son. Can anything in my life go right?

I would have beat him but the kids at his school already did the job for me. Serves him right for spreading his...sickness around.

He slams the book closed not thinking he could read anymore. He didn't want to turn out like her. He couldn't turn out like her. He refused to be like her. He jumped when he feels his phone rumble in his pocket. He pulls it out and winces when he see's Blaine's picture. He reluctantly answers the phone.

"I'm so sorry Blaine." He blurts out as soon as he picked up.

"You didn't do anything wrong baby." Blaine murmurs. "Can you please tell me where you are. You've been gone for a while and I've been worried sick."

"Blaine I hit you." Kurt whimpered.

"Baby it was a mistake. You're not a violent person. I know you would never hurt me Kurt." Blaine desperately tries to assure Kurt.

"Can you come get me please?" Kurt breathes, finally giving in. He's still afraid he'll hurt Blaine but he can't be in this house anymore.

"Where are you baby?" Kurt hears Blaine shuffling around through the phone.

"At the old house." He tells him quietly. There's a beat of silence.

"I-I'll be there in fifteen minutes okay? Don't move." Blaine replied.

"Okay." They said quick goodbyes before hanging up. Kurt hugged his knees to his chest and put his head down as he waited for Blaine to come get him.

"Kurt? Baby where are you?" Blaine yells when he gets in the house. He doesn't feel comfortable at all in this house. It brings back old feelings that he definitely didn't want to relive. The last time he was here, Kurt was in a pool of his own blood, not responding to any of his desperate pleads for him to wake up.

...

"Kurt! Baby please wake up. I need you to wake up!" He cried. He was searching for a pulse but was probably shaking to much to even do it right.

"Oh my god!" He heard his mother shout. He didn't turn to look at her.

"Where's the ambulance and the police?" Cooper yelled at someone.

"We called, they said they'll be here as soon as possible." Nick replied shakily.

"He could die!" Wes hissed. Blaine's head snapped back to where they were.

"He's not going to die. He's going to make it." His voice trembled as he spoke. They all just look at him sadly until they heard sirens coming from outside. His dad and Cooper ran to get them to hurry up. The moments before the paramedics took Kurt away from him were a blur.

"Kid you need to let go so we can help your friend." One of them said. He nodded and hesitantly let Kurt go. They lifted him onto a gurney and started attaching him to stuff while simultaneously rolling him outside. He was vaguely aware of them doing the same to Kurt's mother.

"Is he okay? Is he alive?" He followed them, asking questions that they ignored.

"We need to hurry or we'll lose him." Was mumbled to another paramedic and Blaine felt his heart skip a beat.

"No! He can't die." Blaine rushed forward trying to get to Kurt as he was put inside the ambulance. Cooper held him back. "Let me go! I need to make sure he's okay!" He sobbed.

"We'll follow them okay Blaine. Just calm down." Cooper said soothingly but Blaine can tell by the way his voice was wavering that he was close to breaking down too.

Blaine shook his head and tried to get his mind off the memory. He walked through the house trying to figure out where Kurt would be. He opened one door to find what must have been Kurt's old room. He has dropped Kurt at home on many occasions but never was inside to know where everything was. He walked further down the hallway.

"Kurt? Where are you?" He called out again.

"In here." He heard Kurt answer from the room right ahead of him. He hurried over to the room and sighed in relief when he saw Kurt sitting on the floor, safe and sound.

"Oh thank god." He rushed out, basically hurling himself at Kurt. "You need to stop going places without telling anyone where you are Kurt." He scolded him, holding him tight and subtly looking him over to make sure he's physically okay.

"I'm sorry." Kurt whispered. "I was just scared of myself."

"Kurt." Blaine spoke softly. "It was an accident. And it barely hurt at all. It wont even leave a mark. I'm fine and we're okay. You need to trust yourself more Kurt." He felt Kurt nod and take a deep breath before something was pushed into his hands.

"I found this a little while ago." Kurt shudders as he speaks. Blaine looks at it before looking back at Kurt. He opens the book to the first page and starts reading. Kurt watches as Blaine's expression changes from confused to angry. He doesn't speak he just looks up at Kurt with sad watery eyes.

"Read the last page." He tells him and Blaine does before closing the book and holding Kurt even closer to him. They are both trembling and crying by now.

"I don't think I'll ever get over what happened." Kurt admits quietly. Blaine's arms tighten around him.

"Me either." Blaine agrees, voice hoarse and sad.

"But one thing is for sure." Kurt added on with quiet determination in his tone. "I'm nothing like her."


Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! What do you think is going to happen next? Please tell me what you thought of this chapter with a review! :D

I know i promised Kurt and Carole moments but they'll be in the next chapter for sure!

P.S. To anyone reading my other story Lost Hope and waiting for an update, i promise to have it up by either the end of today or tomorrow!