Chapter 29: Not Sorry

Summary: Be Strong Enough to Let Go and Wise Enough To Wait for What You Deserve.

Notes: Ahh I am so ashamed - I told you it would be late - so embarrassing!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

XXX

Awakening to comrades yelling at each other was not an ideal situation. But given that they were – Ellana was pleased to an extent. It meant they were in the clear and the pieces could now fall into place accordingly.

Mahanon stood beside Cassandra wearily. The look in his eyes held something familiar. There was no doubt in her mind that the experience placed a toll on him and with it, Ellana secretly wonders if he is troubled at night by the same demons she is haunted by.

"Let them fight...They have that luxury. Thanks to you." Mother Giselle told her. Ellana allowed herself to lay back to down upon her pillow.

She's heard this before but it's nice to hear a little recognition every once in a while.

At least something was going to come out from all this. "It was a shame we didn't have much time to prepare. We were most fortunate that the Maker was watching over us on this day. Most of the villagers were saved. The only one unaccounted for was Minaeve. "

Ellana bolted up from her spot at the reminder of her transgression only to be pushed back down by Giselle. "Another heated voice won't help. Even yours. Perhaps especially yours."

"I saw her," Ellana confessed as she swatted Giselle's hands away from her. Ellana shifted her body, sat up, legs now hanging over the side of the bunk as she allowed her body to crane forward gesturing a posture of guilt. "Minaeve. I had to leave her behind." Ellana felt her knuckles tighten, but the effect was lost when Giselle placed her warm hands over her frozen ones.

"You need not explain your reasons. I've seen my share of countless bloodshed. I can tell...It must have been hard for you. Your eyes, they tell a story – One that bends and twists...The Maker will show us the path. I know it's hard to accept, no? What "we" have been called to endure? What really matters is that you came back to us from death's grip and for that, we have been truly blessed by the Maker's will."

Ellana turned to head away from those words. She wouldn't allow herself to be pulled into such a grand illusion. A religious veil would not cover her eyes.

"I escaped the avalanche. Barely, perhaps, but I didn't die." Giselle pulled away dejectedly but was quick to rebound.

"Of course and the dead cannot return from across the veil. But the people knew what they saw."

Ellana found herself laughing accompanied by a very unladylike snort.

Not because of Giselle's words but simply more so because Ellana did technically cross the veil over as a spirit.

From another world in fact?

Does that still count?

Either way, Ellana shook her head laughing.

A smile finally growing on her lips.

"I know what I must do. My heart is telling me the time is now. I must confess to you and the others that I knew Haven was to fall. I've known from the very beginning." Giselle looked at her with wide eyes but Ellana simply bowed her head to her in thanks. Ellana quickly rose up and moved over to tent pillar to lean on. Looking outwards she was able to get a good look on her fellow comrades. The noise had finally settled and her advisors had finished with their constant bickering.

Leliana was currently sitting on the floor next to the fireplace in deep thought. Aside her sat Josephine on a wooden bench mulling over a headache she was going to have in the mornings to come.

Cullen shifted uneasily, looking around every once in awhile still plagued with the anxiety of what could possibly be another deadly sneak attack.

Cassandra, on the other hand, was currently leaned over a picnic table looking over the world map. Trying to find somewhere – someplace they could go. Behind her, thankfully, stood Mahanon. His right hand gently massaging her back as he joined her in pointing out possible areas in which to explore. They were both smiling, happy.

With knitted brows – Ellana knew the confession must be heard. Even though her heart plunged upon the idea of breaking up what friendships she thought to form.

"Shadows fall and hope has fled."

Oh.

Ellana whirled around to see Mother Giselle bowing her head. Ellana thought the woman was crying by her posture. But as Giselle got closer, her voice picked up into the wind, carrying it into the hearts of those who wished to hear it. "Steel your heart. The Dawn will come. The Night is long and the path is dark. Look to the sky...For one day soon. The Dawn will come."

Before Ellana could grasp the emphasis on the moment, Leliana was staggering up on her feet and singing too.

"The Shepard's lost and his home is far. Keep to the Stars and the Dawn will come."

Soon more and more people started joining the chorus of voices. Even Cullen of all people, with his tone-deaf voice, managed to sing along.

It was funny, but just as stirring too.

Ellana could do without the kneeling though.

Really.

Without the kneeling.

Ellana looked at Mahanon for support. He and Cassandra merely met her with two pearly smiles. Well, one smug one because Mahanon was getting a kick out of her discomfort.

Fenedhis last.

Ellana turned gaze elsewhere."Bare your blade, and raise it high." Her eyes stopped short when she finally saw Cole. He was leaning over a now, passed-away, Chancellor Rodrick. Cole leaned over the body and proceeded to close Rodrick's eyes with his right hand before pulling away.

Compassion.

It moved her. Ellana found herself wanting to take a step forward but frozen when her eyes met his face.

He looked positively furious. Thankfully the gaze was not aimed at her but rather someone else in the distance. She peered through the crowds of people that were gathering.

Solas.

Ellana swallowed roughly.

It was an odd thing to do.

Solas was smiling at her so proudly as if he couldn't be more happy to see her placed on some kind of high note-worthy pedestal.
Like she was some sort of trophy.

Fenedhis.

The thought irked her to no end.

XXX

When the song finally ended. There were numerous of laughter and cheers that cried out. Mother Giselle was most pleased with herself and Ellana was just glad she made it through her astonished numbness alive.

"Faith is made stronger by facing doubt. Untested it is nothing." Ellana felt her brow raised. She watched Mother Giselle move away towards the children - all smiles. It was needless to say a stunning experience.

In fact, Mother Giselle never ceased to continue to surprise her.

It was clear in Ellana's eyes that devotion towards the Maker never once stopped flowing throughout Giselle's veins. Even more so after hearing Ellana's whispered confessions under the moonlit sky.

It was ironic.

If anyone should be a beacon of hope – it should be Giselle.

After all whenever Mother Giselle was close by – there was this unexplainable urge to get off one's feet and fight.

Maybe the Maker was truly amongst them.

Maybe, just maybe, Mother Giselle was the Maker all along.

Ellana laughed at her foolishness.

How odd and yet – strangely riveting.

"A word?"

Ellana jumped at the voice. She turned to see Solas, he tilted his head towards the outer edges of the camp. He was leading her away to talk, to escape.

He really did not need to say much else. Ellana followed behind closely without any second thoughts.

She swore he strutted over to an unlit torch in such a way she nearly fell over and giggled but she managed to keep her wits about it when he summoned a ball of flame. In an instant, he shielded the darkness from sight and the cold that drifted between them now began to linger away with every crackling warmth filled sparks. "We need to talk."

Her heart stung at his words, but she managed to nod numbly.

She knew this talk would come.

Mahanon warned her it would. In his hidden message.

Yet even so fear crept back into her heart and the cold began to nip at her sides sending her mind running.

Searching for the answers before it hit her over the head...

Solas sudden need to not be at her side.
A tail between his legs.
The way his eyes danced in the fire, looking downcast.

Her heart bled.

And yet – through all her fears.
None of them came to light.

"Mother Giselle. She's a wise woman. Worth heeding. Her kind understands the moments that unify a cause. Or fracture it. The Orb Corypheus carried. You know it to be mine. You know what Corypheus intends to do with it...I simply cannot allow this world to become enslaved again after fighting so hard to prevent it. I will stay at your side. Ellana. This time, I will swear it."

"And here I thought you were breaking up with me." She told him scowling in a jokingly matter. Solas's eyes flashed with confusion, sputtering at such a ridiculous thought and Ellana couldn't help but throw her head back and laugh.

His brow raised ever more, but Ellana stayed away from it. She was just not ready to explain herself just yet. There were other things to discuss.

Other people.

Her eyes turned narrow as she faced him, and much to her surprise – he beat her to the punch.

"I know about Minaeve. What - don't look so surprised - News travels fast and I assumed you must have had a hand in it. Especially after what I had told you. I'm not mad Ellana. Disappointed yes, but not mad. I had anticipated as much. Is this why you thought I would break up with you?"

"No!" She responded suddenly feeling very embarrassed. "Well, partially, but Mahanon may have mentioned something more."

How did they possibly manage to go from addressing death to something so frivolous?

"Of course," Solas responded, sighing, "Mahanon...He would have something to do with all this."

"Are you and Cole fighting?" Ellana suddenly sprang up, thinking back. Solas groaned before rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Solas! Are you kidding me?! The two of you used to be the best of friends in my old world! Your jealousy really has gotten too far!"

She was scolding him and he was just as perplexed that she was.

"How could I not be jealous when he loves you. The both of you!" He confessed irritably.

"What?" Ellana practically shrilled. "What in world are you talking about Solas?" Solas growled. He turned away, rubbing his forehead before glancing back at her with a sigh.

"Ir abelas. I meant to tell you this sooner - but I suppose now is plenty good as ever."

"Tell me what ?"

"Cole, he, he loves both you and Evelyn. He wants you to himself. So of course - I am wary of that! Ar lath ma, ma vhenan, wait, w-why are you laughing?"

"Oh, Vhenan,," Ellana said lovingly as moved closed to him. She placed a kiss on his cheek and smiled. "This Cole is different. You needn't feel so hostile. He is the Spirit of Compassion. Cole knows and understands what you and I want. He will respect that. He has always respected that."

"Ah." Solas could only manage. His mind reeling towards the reminder that even in the future Cole still willingly handed over Ellana to him without any second thoughts.

Cole was not his enemy.

Ellana continued to laugh at Solas's inner mental battle.

It was adorable, at best.

She couldn't help but place her arms around his neck and tease him while giggling all the more. "But, Evelyn," He struggled out.

"But the Dread Wolf," She mocked with a whine and all the more while smiling mischievously to boot.

It was then that his eyes flashed to red almost instantly at the call.
A wolf-like shadow looming over her and onto the snow topped hills below.

Ellana swore the Wolf chuckled before tilting his head to nip at her neck.
Ah yes, this one was different too.
Playful and somewhat more ballsy than the other.

Ellana could only greet the wolf with her own chuckle as his lips glossed over her neck.
He really had no idea what personal space was.
It was when he dared to pull away and open his mouth that she delivered a swift tightened right fist to the gut.
The wolf sputtered, reeling over in pain and before she knew it Solas was again back, leaning on her right shoulder a bit – thunderstruck.

"Sorry – he came out – didn't he – I never meant." Ellana smiled and patted his left shoulder as a way to console him.

"The Wolf. I can handle him." She responded to ease his worries. "Just as when it comes to Evelyn," She began, straightening him back up, before slapping his left arm playfully. "I expect you will be able to do the same."

His face contorted instantly.

"I could never hit you."

"No, but you could at most scare her away with your charming personality."

She watched as his brows furrowed.

"Excuse me?"

He seemed really offended by that.
Even though he should really know better.
Everyone hated it.

"Just rant Solas. Rant about some Elvish thing you don't like. Trust me. It will work."

"I...Alright."

"We should get going though," Ellana mentioned turning back towards camp. "Tarasyl'an Te'las awaits." Solas caught her arm instantly.

"You know about Skyhold?"

Ellana tilted her head at his question.

"Of course I do. You showed it to me."

Solas blinked, but quickly caught on.

"So you plan to go there again?"

"Of course. After all, by attacking the Inquisition, Corypheus has changed it."

"Changed you." He said pointedly, and she found herself smiling.

Yes, Pride once also echoed the very same words.

"Scout to the North. Be their guide...There is a place that waits for a force to hold it. There is a place where the Inquisition can build...Grow..."

"Skyhold." Solas emphasized again. There was an irritation on his lips and she couldn't place why.

"Yes. Is that alright?"

She was surprised when he seemed taken back by this.

"Why are you asking for my permission – ah - I see – you also know the truth about that too...You know Ellana...I can't help but feel a little jealous. You say he kept these secrets from you but somehow you know almost all of them."
Ellana laughed so that's where his irritation was bubbling.

"I didn't find out through him." Her words were bitter. "I found out through chasing after him."

"Ir abelas, ma Vhenan." Solas said suddenly and Ellana shook her head, managing a soft smile.

There was really no need.

"Tel'abelas." She told him before pulling him towards her into a long-awaited kiss.

Tel'abelas.

XXX

Notes: Translations:
Ar lath ma, ma vhenan: "I love you, my heart."
Ir abelas: "I am sorry."
Ir abelas, ma vhenan: "I am filled with sorrow for your loss, my heart. "
Tel'abelas: "I am not/ not sorry."