29

Are We There Yet?

The four words a parent dreads most on a car ride—are we there yet? ~ Loki

School was finally out, and the Laufeysons celebrated by throwing an end-of-school dinner and inviting their uncles and aunt to it. Loki fired up the grill and cooked marinated strip steaks, barbecue chicken, hot dogs, shrimp on skewers, and grilled vegetables. Sam made macaroni salad and Hunter made German potato salad. Belle and the younger children popped popcorn and made cinnamon butter popcorn, and cut up watermelon, kiwis, pineapple, and grapes for a fruit basket. Then they made s'mores brownies.

They put several kinds of drinks in a cooler—including soda, flavored water, iced tea, and for the adults beer and wine coolers.

"Dad, will Uncle Thor be big again?" Max asked his father.

"Yes, imp. Why? Did you think he would stay little forever?" Loki chuckled.

"No, but . . . I liked when Uncle Thor was little," Max admitted. "He was fun to play with. Except when he hit me with his toy hammer."

"I'm sure he'll apologize again for that," Loki said quietly. "But you're right. I enjoyed him when he was a boy too this time around." He tweaked his son's nose. "However, Uncle Thor needed to grow up again because Midgard needs him as one of its heroes. And we need him to come with us on the family camping trip."

"When are we going, Dad?" asked Max curiously.

"The end of the week," replied the God of Mischief.

"Yay!" Max jumped up and down.

"Daddy, when's everyone gonna be here?" Aleta asked, running over to him.

"Very soon, princess. Why don't you go and play on the swing set?"

"C'mon, Max! Betcha I can swing higher!" she called and jumped down the porch stairs to the swing set.

"Cannot, Aleta!" her brother disagreed, then ran after her to claim the second swing.

As the two began swinging higher and higher, Tony, Thor, and Clint arrived.

"I can smell whatever Loki's cooking down the street!" Tony declared, his mouth watering.

"Whatever it is, I can't wait to eat it," Thor seconded.

Loki turned with the spatula in his hand, wearing his green apron with his slogan I Cook What I Want and You'll Eat It and Like It. "Thor, when can you not wait to eat something?"

Thor grinned and hugged Loki. "I can think of one time . . . when I was little."

"Once I cured your indigestion, you ate like there was no tomorrow," Loki remarked. "Are you all ready to come on the trip?"

"Yes. I packed everything including my fishing gear."

Loki nodded. "Good! These steaks should be done momentarily. The rest of the food is out on the picnic tables. There's beer and wine coolers in the red cooler. Just help yourself."

The older Laufeysons came outside to greet their uncles, and suddenly Aleta noticed who was here and stopped swinging. "Max, Uncle Thor's here!"

"And Uncle Tony and Uncle Clint," Max observed, and went to greet them.

"Hiya, squirt!" Clint knelt and hugged Max.

"Look, Uncle Clint! I got big arm muscles!" Max boasted.

"Let me see," Hawkeye said, and Max made a fist. "Wow! You're almost as strong as your Uncle Thor, buddy!"

"Dad, didja hear that?" Max hooted.

"I did, scamp." Loki removed the last steak from the grill and carried the platter to the long picnic table.

"Uncle Thor!" Aleta cried, hugging the big warrior about the knees. "Daddy says you're gonna come with us on vacation."

Thor picked her up. "I am, little niece! Are you excited?"

Aleta nodded her head. "Daddy says we're gonna live in the woods like you did in Asgard. And he's gonna teach us how to find food and see animals. And we're gonna go in a canoe down the river too."

"A canoe?" Thor frowned. "Loki, when did that get decided?"

"Last night. I promised Hunter and Vince we'd run through the rapids."

"Brother, I've never been in a canoe before." Thor said uneasily.

"Don't worry. I've read up on it. Besides, if you capsize you can swim." Loki reassured him.

Thor made a face. "That's not very reassuring, Loki."

"Quit grousing. You'll be fine. Just watch out for rocks midstream." Loki made himself a hot dog and bit into it. "Mmm! Nothing tastes as good as grilled hot dogs."

"Daddy, can I have a hot dog?" his baby girl asked.

"Yes. One minute," Loki said.

"Here, spark. I can get it for you," Thor told her and put a hot dog with some mustard on her plate.

"Thanks, Uncle Thor," Aleta said. "Do you miss being little like us?"

Thor chuckled ruefully. "You were very patient with me, Leta. But I know one thing I didn't miss—time out."

"I know!" Aleta said. "I hate it! It's so—"

"—boring!" Aleta, Max, and Thor chorused.

"What do I always say, Aleta?" Loki smirked.

"If you don't like the time, don't do the crime," the three repeated.

"You've got them well trained, Trickster," Tony sniggered.

"I'm not a dog, Man of Iron," Thor objected, then slyly fed Odin a piece of hot dog under the table.

"I saw that, Thor!" Loki warned. "He's only allowed one type of our food. Otherwise I will call you to come and clean up whatever accident he has a three in the morning."

"But Loki! He's hungry!" Thor objected. "Look at the face!" He pointed to where Odin was sitting and begging with huge puppydog eyes.

"I'm going to tell you that when you're over here cleaning up dog puke off my carpet," his brother snorted. "Here. Give him these." He handed Thor a bag with red, white, and blue stripes with the logo Treats for Troops, Operation Drool Overload—organic dog treats made with peanut butter and blueberry—each bag purchased helps support your armed forces!

Steve and Bruce had arrived while the others were eating, and Cap examined the treat bag curiously. "That's neat! I wonder if they do cat treats?" he asked curiously. "I can buy some for Jinx and Radar."

"They do. Mischief has a bag inside," Loki replied, sitting down with a plate of food and a glass of sangria cooler. He rarely drank anything stronger around his children, despite his extremely high tolerance for Midgardian alcohol.

"Hey, who's watching your pets while you're away?" Bruce wanted to know.

"Mandy volunteered to come over and spend our vacation here with Mystic. That way the house will be watched too," Loki answered.

"Can she handle them, brother? She is getting a bit long in the tooth."

Loki nearly choked on his drink. "Thor, you say that to her face and see if she doesn't beat you with her cane! I asked her a similar question and she threatened to beat me! She'll be fine, Thor. If anything happens, I've left her all of your numbers." He indicated the Avengers.

"We'll keep an eye out," Steve reassured the Asgardian, knowing that Loki would understand he meant an eye out for villains who might try and destroy his house while he was away.

"This steak is wonderful," Tony raved. "What did you do to it, Loki?"

"I put a little of this and that on it," he answered aggravatingly.

"You and your secret recipes!" Tony snorted. "One day I'm going to hack into that computer of yours and find them all."

"Good luck with that, Stark. Because I don't keep them on any computer." Loki replied with a smirk.

"Uncle Tony, Dad doesn't even write them down," Sam told him.

"You don't?"

"No. I simply have perfect recall."

"Do you?" Tony asked Thor.

"Only for combat techniques. Anything else, no."

"Dad, Belle, and Serena have the best memories," Sam stated. "Vince and I are good, but not like them. And Max has a really good memory too for a little kid. He can recite whole commercials after hearing them once."

"And then he sings them over and over to be annoying," Serena declared.

"I like them," Aleta defended.

Her sister rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

Tasha and Pepper arrived then and everyone was busy eating and drinking.

"I don't know which I like more-this shrimp with whatever garlic and lime stuff is on it or the hot dog," Pepper said, looking at both of them.

"Here. Have both." Loki put a shrimp skewer and a hot dog with a bun on her plate.

"Loki, I can't. I'm trying to watch what I eat," she sighed.

"It's a magic hot dog. You eat it and it's zero calories."

"You can do that?" she gaped at him.

"I'm kidding! If I could do that I'd put Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, and Nutrisystem out of business," Loki laughed. "I was trying to make you feel better."

Pepper smiled. "I'll eat it anyway. Today's my cheat day."

"Leave room for dessert," Loki instructed. Then he ate his own shrimp skewer and some macaroni salad.

"Is there any way for you to magically make someone lose weight?" Pepper asked curiously.

"Unfortunately, no. Several mages once thought so but their magic didn't react well with their test subjects."

"Like they got too skinny?"

"No, they wasted away and died," he replied gravely. "People always think magic is some kind of cure all. It's not. Sometimes you have to know when to leave well enough alone."

"Your food's worth going off my diet for, Loki," she said, and took some vegetables and some potato salad.

"Compliment of the day," the Asgardian smiled.

"I think Dad should be on Iron Chef," Hunter said, coming back for seconds.

"No thanks, son. I'm already famous as a video game designer I don't need to add cooking to that list," Loki shook his head.

"Yeah, then all your gamer fans might expect you to bake them stuff and take pictures with you," his son chuckled.

"Or add free packages of cookies with the game," his father snorted. He reached over and scooped up a grilled zucchini and some peppers and placed them on Vince's plate. "Eat that."

"Aww, Dad!" his younger son groaned.

Loki just Looked at him.

"Okay," the boy grumbled.

"And don't think you can feed it to the dog."

"Better listen to him, nephew," Thor advised. "Or else no dessert."

"Yeah and you'd know," the sandy-haired boy laughed.

Clint started laughing. "You seriously wouldn't let him eat dessert without eating vegetables, Loki?"

"When he was two, yes. That's a rule all my kids know. I gave Thor broccoli with cheddar cheese sauce. He threw it at me, so no ice cream."

"Cruel and unusual punishment, brother," Thor refuted.

"Oh, please! I gave you three chances before I took your dessert away." Loki rolled his eyes. "And look, it works." He indicated Thor's plate, which did have some vegetables on it.

"That's because of Green Eggs and Ham," remarked Nate.

"I love that book," Thor said.

"Now you know what to get your uncle for his birthday, Max," Loki told his youngest. He never needed to remind Max to eat vegetables, like his father, he actually enjoyed them.

Once everyone had eaten their fill, Loki made coffee and set out the desserts. Those disappeared quicker than spring flowers on a frosty night. Afterwards, Nate and Tony took the Magic Bullet and tinkered with it, returning an hour later and informing Loki that they had made the battery powered chair able to last two weeks without needing to be recharged.

"I figured that was a good thing on this camping trip," Tony said to the Mischief Maker.

"It is and thanks." That had been one of the things he had been worried about. He had already decided to bring Nate's bed with them, the other children all had new thermal insulated sleeping bags.

He had made tracking amulets for all of his children from extra pendants left from the Asgardian Quest 2 con, except for Belle, who already had one. The amulets were shiny metallic plastic with the double serpent symbol on the front and an L for Laufeyson on the obverse. Loki was taking no chances with kids missing or lost in the woods. They would also double as communication pendants, meaning they could speak with Loki wherever they were, obliterating the need for cell phones. Loki had the master amulet, made from real Niflheim gold, citrines, amethysts, and emeralds, about his own neck. All the other amulets were linked back to it and when in use a corresponding stone would glow on his. He had even made one for Thor, though his bore Thor's hammer on it, and it was also linked to Loki's.

One week later:

"Okay, everyone double check all your suitcases, backpacks, and make sure you have what you want to take in the car in your messenger bag. If it gets packed with the other bags in the trunk, you'll have to live without it till we get to Mystic Swan Lake. That includes you, Thor," Loki instructed.

The van was packed to capacity, including the large roof caddy on top, which held the fishing gear, poles, Vince's skateboard and helmet, and some extra food items.

He watched as the kids rechecked everything and made sure they had what they wanted for the road trip. He had packed Max and Aleta's little backpacks himself—Max had a wolf one and Aleta a kitten. His own green one was filled with some water and lemonade, power bars, trail mix, dried fruit, chocolate, several books, and a first aid kit. Extra batteries, flares, and a flashlight were in the glove compartment. His daggers were also inside his bag, wrapped in oiled silveron material.

"Okay, everyone go to the bathroom now. And I mean everyone." He looked specifically at his two oldest as he said this.

"I'm not two anymore, Loki," Thor objected.

"Shut up, Thor, and do as you're told," Loki ordered.

"What if we don't have to?" came Hunter's response.

"I don't care. Try anyway. Because the first rest stop isn't for an hour and I'm not having an accident in the car."

"Did you go, Master Mischief?" Thor queried, with one eyebrow raised.

"You're a riot, Thor," Loki coughed. "And yes, if you must know."

The kids scattered to use the facilities while Loki did a final check of everything. He phoned Mandy to let them know they would be leaving soon and she could come over anytime to check on Mischief and Odin.

As a precaution, he had made Aleta and Max wear Pull Ups, just in case they had an accident it wouldn't be so bad. Though he had to bribe his son with candy and a story before he would agree to use 'baby underwear'.

"Thor, did you tie down the roof caddy?" Loki asked as he helped the kids into the car.

"Of course," his brother replied, adding one last bag into the trunk. "Do you think I'm stupid, Loki?"

"No comment," his brother answered, making sure Aleta was buckled into her car seat. He handed her Minx, and her sippy cup of pineapple sparkling water. He also tucked the Got Mischief blanket around her and Max.

"All right, this caravan is leaving!" he called. "If you're not in the van by the time I count to ten you're staying home alone with Odin and Mischief!" He began counting.

The kids all were inside before he reached eight.

He got in the driver's seat and Thor rode shotgun. "Okay. When I call your name, say "I'm here." Hunter, Sam, take your headphones out."

He went down the line, from oldest to youngest. Everyone was there. Loki turned the car over and the GPS lit up. Then he began backing up out of the driveway.

There came an ominous creaking noise.

"What's that?" Belle asked uneasily.

"Sounds like something's on the roof," Serena replied.

"Duh! The caddy's on the roof!" Vince reminded, rolling his eyes.

More creaks and groans.

"Dad, it sounds like something's gonna break," Nate called.

As if on cue, there was a sharp snap and the caddy lurched and slid off the roof and down the front of the car onto the ground. It popped open and everything inside spilled out.

"By the Nine, Thor! I thought you said you tied it down!" Loki swore, putting the van in park.

"I did . . . I think."

Loki facepalmed himself. "This vacation is off to a great start!"

"It's a sign," Aleta remarked.

"Never mind, spark," sighed her father. He got out to fix everything, and Thor helped him. By the time they got everything fixed, they were fifteen minutes late leaving. That delay meant they ran into traffic going out of the city and Loki growled at the drivers in Old Norse.

"Dad, maybe we should have flown," suggested Nate. "Uncle Tony woulda let us use the Quinjet."

"Hush, Nathan. I need to concentrate before I ram the jackass in front of me," Loki replied, thinking maybe his son was right. Then again, if they had left when he'd planned they would have avoided this gridlock.

Finally they were out and driving on the highway towards upstate New York. Sam was dozing in his seat, Hunter was listening to his IPod, playing Head Like a Hole. Serena was doing one of her sudoku puzzles and Belle was reading. Nate was playing a peg game and Vince was playing his Game Boy. Lucy, Max, and Aleta were watching The Last Unicorn on the DVD player. Thor was munching on some trail mix and counting how many New York license plates he saw.

Loki had on his favorite classic rock station and was humming along to Springsteen's Born to Run and musing on maybe this trip wouldn't be so bad despite the rocky start when Hunter began caterwauling along to his music.

" . . .head like a hole, black at your soul, I'd rather die than give you control . . ."

Lucy, Max, and Aleta screamed, "Shut up!" and held their ears.

"I'd rather die than listen to you!" Serena yelled.

"What the Hel?" Loki cried, and slammed on the breaks, almost rear-ending the car in front of him.

Trickster flew out of Max's hand and hit Thor in the head.

"Hey!" the Thunder God cried. "It's raining wolves!"

"Dad, you made me lose Trickster!" wailed Max.

"Hunter, quit singing!" Lucy yelled. "You make me wanna go deaf!"

"You make cats in heat sound like divas," Sam groaned. He yanked out his brother's headphones. "Yo, bro! Shut your pie hole! You're killing us!"

"Hey! What's the big idea, Sam?" an irritated Hunter growled.

"Your singing nearly made Dad get into an accident," Nate informed him.

"What?" Hunter stared around. "Dad, are they kidding?"

"No. Please spare us all, Hunter. You do want to arrive in one piece, right?" Loki asked, wincing.

"Okay. I forgot there were people around," sighed the former Beta. He usually sang alone in his room and hadn't realized how off key he was.

He put his headphones back in and settled back in his seat.

"Thank the Norns!" Belle muttered.

"Are you writing all this down?" Serena wanted to know.

"Of course, number cruncher," her sister grinned. "It's what I do."

They passed a sign that said Rest Stop 4 miles with pictures of McDonalds, a gas pump, and KFC.

"Are we there yet?" Aleta asked.

"Aleta Lenore, no asking that question!" Loki declared.

"Can I ask it?" Max wanted to know.

"No. No one is allowed to ask that," their father said sharply. "We'll get there when I say so."

Suddenly the van hit a bump and the TV went out.

"Daddy! The TV is broken!" Aleta wailed. "And we were in the middle of the good part!"

"Oh, Nine Hells!" Loki hissed. "Well, you'll just have to wait till we stop and I'll see if I can fix it."

"But what do we do without the TV?"

"You can play a game called I Spy. Lucy, show them how."

"I'll play too," Thor said. He was bored.

"You say, I spy with my little eye . . . and then look out the window and say what thing you see," Lucy explained. "Like this. I spy with my little eye—a green convertible."

"Me next! I spy with my little eye . . . an ugly rusty station wagon," Aleta said. "Your turn, Max."

"I spy with my little eye . . . a yellow bus. Okay, Uncle Thor."

"I spy with my little eye . . .a man in a yellow Subaru. Hey! That idiot just gave me the finger, Loki!" Thor snapped. "Stop the car!"

"Thor, are you out of your mind?"

"No, brother. Stop the car so I can go and teach that jerk some manners!" Thor growled, flexing his muscles beneath his blue T-shirt.

"Thor, by Mimir's Beard, I am not stopping this car so you can get out and beat up some lowlife and get arrested," Loki snapped.

"He gave me the finger!"

"Why don't you cry about it?" Loki said sarcastically.

"My honor is at stake!"

"Who cares?"

"I do!"

"You're the only one who does! Now relax, go to sleep, or something. I need to concentrate. We have idiots on the road today. Must be a full moon."

"If I was driving . . ." Thor muttered.

"If you were driving, some guy would be in the hospital, and the cops would have arrested you for assault," the God of Mischief stated. "Either that or knocking over landmarks."

"What? I'm not that bad, Loki!"

"No? You forget, I drove with you when you stole that Svartalfheim ship in Asgard. I wasn't sure how we'd survive," quipped the magician.

"You're exaggerating, Loki."

"Like Hel," his brother refuted.

"Uncle Thor, can I have Trickster?" Max asked.

"Sure, little imp," Thor reached down and handed the stuffed wolf back to his nephew.

"I spy with my little eye . . . a dragon!" Max declared triumphantly.

"You do not, Maximus!" Aleta cried.

"Uh huh! It's a cloud dragon. So there!" he stuck his tongue out at her.

"Daddy! Max stuck his tongue out at me!"

"Dad, Aleta's a busybody!"

"You mind your own business, Maximus!" She pulled the blanket over to her side.

"Hey! Give me half!" he yelled. He grabbed the other corner of the blanket.

"Let go, Max!" yelped his sister.

There ensued a tug-o-war over the green blanket.

"Knock it off, you two!" Thor bellowed.

"He started it!" Aleta pointed to her brother.

"Baby, baby stick your head in gravy!" Max chanted.

"Daddy, Max is making fun of me!" She poked her brother in the arm.

"Dad, Aleta poked me!"

"He breathed on me! Yuck! I have dog germs!"

"Somebody shoot me!" muttered Loki.

"With what?" Thor queried.

"A tranquilizer," replied Loki shortly.

"Dad, she touched me!"

Loki rubbed his temple where a headache was slowly gathering. I must have been insane! Why did I ever think this was a good idea?

"The next one who does anything to his sister, or her brother, gets time out."

Peace reigned in the car for about ten minutes, just long enough to drive into the rest station.

"Do me a favor, Thor? Take them inside and let them use the bathroom and get some snacks?" Loki asked his brother. "Get me the biggest coffee they have, double shot of espresso, two sugars, one cream. And whatever burger they have available." He handed him some money.

"What are you doing?"

"Banging my head into a wall."

"Loki!"

"Okay, okay. I'm going to try and fix the bloody DVD player so Max and Aleta don't kill each other before we get to the campground," he amended. He clapped Thor on the shoulder. "Go get 'em, Mighty One!"

"Loki, I don't think you need coffee. I think you need sleep."

"Thor, quit trying to be a shrink and show me my coffee. Because you really don't want to be around me if you don't," his brother growled.

"All right. But the next time we stop, I'm driving and you sleep."

"Fine. Coffee! Now!"

Thor strode away, calling to the kids like some steroid version of a mama duck, "Okay, kids! Everyone follow me!"

They all did, though Hunter had to be dragged out of the car since he was snoozing. Loki heaved a sigh of relief. Got Prozac, Laufeyson? Now why wasn't that on my list of necessities?

Then he opened the back door and sat down inside to see what had happened to cause the DVD to go on the fritz. "Damn gremlins!" he swore, then realized it was a simple fix, just a loose cable. He tightened it up and pressed Play and the movie started again. He quickly hit Stop so the kids wouldn't miss the Lady Amalthea part, which was his favorite—being a shapeshifter.

Then he simply leaned his head back on the seat and closed his eyes for a brief moment. Oh the sound of silence! He couldn't wait to get to Mystic Swan Lake. He loved the city but he had to admit there were times when his soul yearned for the wide open spaces of wilderness where his shifter heart could roam and the silence rejuvenate his soul.

Abruptly he sat up, rubbing his eyes. Thor, where the Hel is my coffee?

He slipped out of the van, shutting the door and just leaning on it, scanning the pedestrians going in and out of the rest stop, some with screaming children, some without, and he looked to see if Thor were coming with his coffee.

It was then his attention was caught by three children in a group about one of the lamp posts by the parking lot. To his surprise he recognized them as Vince, Nate, and Max. His trouble radar went on red alert. Then his eyes went wide in horror when he saw his youngest calmly peeing on the lamp post!

"Nate, is anybody coming?" Vince hissed.

Nate looked around. "Um . . . no . . . umm . . . except Dad!"

"Aww, man! Max, stop!" Vince whispered frantically.

"I can't!"

"Maximus Laufeyson, what do you think you're doing?" Loki hissed, in a tone that barely carried, yet conveyed his displeasure worse than screaming would have.

Max looked up, his green eyes wide. "Hi, Dad," he said with a guilty smile. "Vince bet me I couldn't pee on this lamp post."

Loki slammed a hand to his forehead. "Nine Hells! If Vince told you to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge, would you do it?" Norns, are you channeling Thor today?

"No, 'cause I'd die. But nothing gets hurt on the lamp post." Max answered blithely.

Loki moved so his son wasn't visible to anyone coming out of the rest stop. "Max, by the Nine! Cover yourself!" Norns grant me patience, because if you grant me strength I'm gonna kill somebody! "You don't do that! I know you know better!"

His youngest sniffled. "But Dad . . . Vince told me to! So . . . so he should be in trouble."

"Maximus, did the pee come out of your penis?" Loki hissed, his emerald eyes flashing.

His son nodded, ashamed.

At that point Nate and Vince nearly busted a gut laughing.

Loki quickly waved a hand and the puddle vanished. He'd be damned if he was going to get a ticket for some prank. Then he zeroed in on his other two sons. "You two! Stop laughing! This isn't funny!"

"We know, Dad!" Nate giggled. "But it kinda is . . . 'specially what you just said!"

Vince could barely speak. "I didn't think the little scamp would actually do it!"

"Really?" Loki frowned. "You had a pretty good idea he might, Vincent!" He shook his head. "All of you are in trouble when we get to the campgrounds."

Max began to cry. "M'sorry! Am I gonna be in time out forever!"

Loki sighed. "No and yes, for four minutes. And your brothers will be doing something else during that time. Which will be determined once we arrive. Next time don't listen to your brother when he tells you to pee somewhere except the bathroom, Max! You're not a puppy." He picked up his youngest. "Come on, let's go wash your hands. You two, fall in behind me."

They all trooped back in the rest stop.

"Do you think anybody saw?" Nate wanted to know.

"I saw," his father interjected. "And that was one too many." He knew probably some others had also and just thanked Yggdrasil that no one had called the cops.

They were returning from the men's room when they met Thor with the rest of the family coming out the door.

"Oh so that's where they went!" Thor said upon seeing the boys with Loki. "I was going to ask Hunter to check the restroom. Here, I got your coffee, Loki!"

Loki took the 20 oz cup and sipped it. "Thanks!"

"Dad, we got you a Big Mac," Belle said and handed him the sandwich.

"Thanks, little raven. Now if we're all done here—" he fixed his three younger sons with a pointed Look. "—let's get back on the road. Oh, and I fixed the DVD player."

"Yay!" cheered Aleta, clutching Minx in her hand.

Max brightened at that, though he still was upset.

Loki counted as his children got back in the van, making sure they were all there before climbing into the driver's seat. Beside him, Thor was eating a box of Cinnabons and drinking a 20 oz coffee also.

"It's a good thing you found them, Loki," Thor was saying. "I turned around and suddenly they were missing."

"You have no idea, brother," sighed the Mischief God.

"What do you mean?"

"I'll tell you later. Just to let you know, those three are in trouble when we get to Mystic Swan Lake for an inappropriate prank," Loki coughed. Then he unwrapped his burger and began to eat it before pulling out of the rest stop.

Thor raised an eyebrow. "What did they do, look up some ladies' skirts?"

Loki almost choked on his Big Mac. "Nine Hells, Thor! They aren't interested in girls that way yet! But don't give them any ideas, by the Nine!"

Thor smirked. "I dunno, Loki, I was ten when I used to drop coins on the ground so I could see Brunhilda's underwear . . ."

Loki turned the volume up on the stereo.

"Thor! Lower your voice!" he growled. "And you don't need to remind me! When she ran off screaming that the prince of Asgard was looking up her skirt, guess who got blamed for it and beaten? Me!"

"Loki, I never thought—"

"That was your whole problem, brother. Not thinking!" Loki snapped. "Or rather, thinking too much with one part and not your head. I didn't even like the girl!"

"You didn't? But she was built like a-" Thor held out his hands.

"Yes and she had a laugh like a hyena and was a greedy little gold digger," Loki said sourly. "I wouldn't have touched her if you paid me!"

"How did you know that?"

"How didn't you?" Loki returned. "Her father was one of the biggest gamblers in the whole court. In debt up to his eyeballs and the only thing he had as collateral was his pretty daughter making a match with some rich idiot so he could trade on his status as father-in-law to pay off his creditors. And Brunhilda was well aware of that fact, brother mine! Even at twelve, she was hunting for some poor rube so Papa wouldn't get his legs broken! So it's a good thing you didn't marry her."

Thor sighed. "But I'll bet she would have been a good time."

"Not in my bed," Loki snorted and drank some more coffee.

"Want a Cinnabon?"

"No. I just need the caffeine and the protein." Loki waved away the offer.

He lowered the volume on the radio, Miley Cyrus was wailing and he'd rather hear his kids than her any day of the week.

"Belle, do you have any more soda?" Serena asked her sister. "I'm dying of thirst."

"Huh?" her sister lifted her eyes from her current book. "Soda? No. This is water."

The platinum-haired girl turned around and spied Hunter's can of Dr. Pepper sitting on the cup holder. Her brother was snoozing with his headphones in and his Yankees hat over his face. Serena slyly reached over and snagged the purple and maroon can. Then she tilted back her head and drank—only to get a mouthful of pistachio shells.

"Gross!" she yelped, putting the can back and spitting out shells.

"Eeew! Serena!" Lucy cried.

"Daddy! Serena's littering!" Aleta yelled.

Hunter sat up and smirked, his cap in one hand. "Ha! Next time don't drink what doesn't belong to you!"

Serena glared at him.

"Pick up whatever is on the floor," Loki ordered. "This isn't a junk pile."

As if that were a premonition, a truck in front of them had some debris fly off and nearly slammed into the van's windshield.

"Loki, what the f !%!" Thor yelled.

"Daddy, Uncle Thor just said the F-word! You need to wash his mouth again!" Aleta yelled.

Loki slammed his palm down on the horn. "You stupid mother!" he growled, then snarled something in Old Norse. He quickly maneuvered around the debris in the road, causing Sam to hit his head against the door and yell, "Dad, I'm being knocked up!"

Hunter was startled out of his doze and that was the first thing he heard. "OMG, Sam's pregnant?"

Loki nearly caused a five car pile-up.

"I think we should drive," Nate announced.

"Hunter, you dweeb!" Sam snapped, smacking him on the back of the head. "Get hearing aides!"

"Dammit, wolfling, you nearly gave me a heart attack!" Loki scolded.

"God, the men in this family!" Sam groaned.

"You sure you wanna join them?" Belle asked, laughing.

"Not right now I don't!"

Several people honked their horns at the van and Thor promptly yelled, "Up yours, a**hole!"

"Hey! My kids are in the car!" Loki scolded. "Watch your language!"

"You're gonna get in trouble!" sang Aleta.

"Me? What about your mouth, brother?" Thor refuted. "You forget, I know what you're saying!"

"Well, at least they can't repeat mine," Loki pointed out.

"I can," Belle spoke up.

"You I don't need to worry about, raven," her father stated. "Unless you really lose it, and even then nobody on Midgard would even know what you said."

"On Asgard, they would," Thor remarked.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious!" Loki rolled his eyes.

They were nearly at the halfway point, and had been on the road a total of two hours and four minutes, when Loki decided they needed to have some kind of game to keep the kids who were awake-like Max, Aleta, Lucy, Serena, Belle, and Sam-from growing bored and fighting. Sam suggested a sing-along to the next song that came on the radio. As luck would have it, Bon Jovi's "Livin' On A Prayer' came on and Sam, Lucy, Serena, and Belle began singing the lyrics.

Luckily all of them could carry a tune, though Serena had the best voice of the four.

Sam sang, "She says we've gotta hold on to what we've got . . ." she held the "microphone" which was Serena's purple brush out to her sisters.

Lucy and Serena chimed in with, "It doesn't really matter if we're naked or not!"

"WHAT?" Sam began laughing hysterically.

Thor spit his coffee all over the windshield.

"Oh . . . Oh . . . damn . . . I gotta pull over!" Loki was biting his lip hard as he carefully pulled into a gas station right off the highway. Then he put the van in park and began cracking up, his head nearly touching the windshield.

"What's so funny?" Serena asked, puzzled.

Lucy shrugged.

"Eeww! This song is 'sgusting!" Aleta cried.

"Why are they singing about naked people, Dad?" Max wanted to know.

This just made poor Loki laugh even harder.

"OMG, I'm gonna pee myself!" Sam gasped, holding his stomach.

"Gross! Get a Pull Up!" Aleta frowned.

"Brother, I need a towel," Thor said between giggles.

Belle regained control first and explained, "Max, the song isn't about-err-naked people . . . Rena and Lucy heard it wrong."

'We did?" Lucy frowned. "But my friend's brother said that was what he said."

"No, sunshine," Loki corrected. "Here's what they said, It doesn't make a difference if we make it or not," he sang slowly enough to be understood.

"I like the other way, Loki. It's funnier!" Thor said, trying to wipe up coffee with some napkins while still snickering.

"It is . . . if you haven't had too much soda," admitted Sam. "Dad, I need the restroom."

"Go ahead. I'll wait," Loki said. "Max, do you need the potty?"

"Uh . . . yeah," his youngest said.

"C'mon, little bro," Sam beckoned, and Max unbuckled his seatbelt and let Sam carry him into the gas station.

Belle turned to Aleta, "You have to go too?"

"Okay. Can you come with?"

"Sure! otherwise you could get kidnapped," Belle said, and took her baby sister into the gas station.

"Loki, why don't you let me drive so you can sleep?" Thor suggested.

"Are you sure you're up to it?" Loki asked. "Sometimes these highways can be tricky up here."

"I'm good. I have the GPS if I get lost, but really it's just a straight road till we get to the last exit, right?"

"Pretty much. But we'll need to stop before we get there so we can eat dinner," Loki told him. "Once the rest of my zoo wakes up from their sugar comas they'll be starving."

"Not a problem. Should I wake you up too when we get dinner?"

"No. Just bring me something to eat. I'll eat in the car once I get some sleep." He looked at his watch. "We have another two hours without traffic."

"Okay, let's do this."

Loki gave Thor his remote and they switched places.

The Mischief God settled into the passenger seat and closed his eyes, pulling his jacket about him and curling up with the travel pillow.

"Uncle Thor, you're driving?!" Aleta exclaimed when she and Belle returned.

"Yes, princess. Your dad needed to sleep."

"Do you know the way there?"

"Yes. I promise I won't get lost," her uncle laughed.

Once Max and Sam came back, Thor pulled out onto the highway again and they continued.

Max and Aleta dozed for about thirty minutes, then woke and they colored quietly for a time. The rest of the Laufeysons slept, so Thor drove without distractions and listened to classic rock while drumming a hand on the steering wheel.

Forty-five minutes later everyone else, except Loki, woke up and as predicted were hungry and thirsty. Thor was also, so he read the signs for the next rest stop, and saw they advertised S'barro's, Chick-Fil-A, and Arbys. "Let's stop here, kids."

"What about Dad?" Belle asked.

"Let him sleep," Thor advised. "I'll bring him back something."

"Dad likes Chick-Fil-A," Belle said. "Chicken sandwich with honey mustard and a salad with honey balsamic, extra pecans."

"I'm glad you knew that," Thor said gratefully. He counted the children as they entered the rest area.

Then he handed Hunter and Sam some twenties and said, "Go take a few of your brothers and sisters and order what you want. Belle, Max, and Aleta will go over to the chicken place and order for Loki and whoever else wants it."

The Laufeysons scattered, splitting into three groups.

Once everyone had gotten what they wanted for dinner, Thor herded the entire group into the dining area. There weren't enough tables for all the Laufeysons to sit right next to each other, so Lucy ended up with Serena sitting at another table next to a girl her own age and height named Megan O'Connor. They began discussing their vacation while eating.

Serena went to throw her trash out and use the restroom, when she came back, Thor was getting ready to leave, and holding Max and Aleta by the hand. He did a quick head count and they all trooped back to the van. Loki was still sleeping, and Thor placed his bag of food by his feet and then got into the driver's seat. "Is everyone ready?" Thor called.

"Let's go, Uncle Thor!" they chorused.

Max put in The Little Rascals remake, and Thor drove slowly down the highway, as there was now traffic up ahead.

Thor beeped the horn as a red car cut him off, growling, "Learn how to drive, you sh!#hole!"

Loki woke up. "Nice, Thor! I feel like we're in the same place we were when I fell asleep. What's going on?"

"Traffic sucks!" piped up an unfamiliar voice from the backseat.

Loki turned around. "Who are you?" he asked upon seeing a strange little girl sitting next to Aleta.

She was strawberry blond with big indigo eyes wearing a Disney princess dress and glittery shoes. "Megan," she replied.

"She's our new friend, Daddy," Aleta told him.

"Thor, you took someone else's kid in our car?" Loki was horrified.

"No! Well, I counted and there were nine kids when we left the rest stop," his brother protested. "I didn't know we had one extra."

"Uncle Thor, are you good at math?" Serena asked.

"He's very good at math," Loki interjected. Then he did his own head count and came up one short. "Where's Lucy?"

"She's with my grandpa and grandma, going to Florida," Megan said brightly.

"Excuse me?" Loki blinked.

"We traded places. Lucy said she wanted to see Belle in Disney World and I wanted to go camping cause I always go to Magic Kingdom. So we switched places."

"And Daddy, Megan doesn't have a TV in her car," Aleta informed him.

"Thor, turn the car around," Loki ordered. "Megan, honey, what does your grandpa's car look like?"

"It's a red Chrysler mini van. With a Buccaneers sticker on the back." Megan said helpfully. "I was so bored in the car. All my grandpa does is listen to old fogey music and yell at all the sumnab!tches and crazy bastards driving next to him. They all seem to go wherever he drives."

Loki and Thor started laughing hysterically.

"Hey! I don't think you should say that word!" Aleta scolded.

"My grandpa always does when we're in the car," Megan answered honestly. "Then Grandma says he's gonna go to H-E-double hockey stick."

"Are you sure you aren't one of mine?" Loki chuckled. "What's your last name, darling?"

"O'Connor," Megan replied.

Suddenly, a red mini van drove alongside, flashing some red and blue lights.

"Loki, I think we're being pulled over," Thor moaned.

"No, that's just my grandpa. He used to be a policeman," Megan told him.

"Oh, great! You kidnapped a cop's granddaughter, Thor!" Loki face-palmed himself.

"Are we getting arrested?" Max whimpered. "I don't wanna go to jail! There's a creepy guy named Bubba there!"

"Nobody's getting arrested," Loki reassured him. "Megan's grandpa is here to bring Lucy back."

"Aww! I really wanted to go canoeing!" Megan sighed.

They all pulled over on the shoulder and Loki and Megan got out and so did Megan's grandpa and Lucy.

"I was asleep when this happened, sir," began Loki. "My brother was supposed to look after the kids . . ."

"No harm done, Mr.-err-I dinna catch your name," Megan's grandpa said.

"Laufeyson, sir. Loki Laufeyson."

"Ah, yes. Yer the video game designer. Me grandson plays those games." He held out a hand to shake. "Michael O'Connor, lad. But just call me Mikey."

Loki managed a smile, then turned to Lucy and shook his finger at her. "Lucy, you have some explaining to do!"

"Aye, and you too Megan, darlin'!" Mikey coughed. "Seems the lasses thought they'd switch places."

"Like on The Parent Trap, Dad," Lucy said.

Loki groaned. "Why did I ever let you watch that movie?"

"Grandpa, can we get a TV in our car?" Megan wanted to know.

"We'll see." Mike said. He handed Loki a business card and Loki did the same. "If you're ever over in Florida and and want to do Disney, look me up. I can get you a discount."

"Thanks, Mikey. If we go on another vacation after this one, we'll do that." Loki said. "And if you're ever in Manhattan, look up Laufeyson Tech and I'll give you a tour."

"Bye, Megan!" Lucy waved to the little girl.

"Bye, Lucy! Your car is the bomb!" Megan waved too as she skipped off beside her grandpa.

"Lucy, what am I going to do with you?" Loki asked, gazing up at the heavens. "You scared me half to death with this stunt."

"I'm sorry," the little girl whimpered. "I just thought it'd be cool to see Disney World and Megan was real nice and so was her grandma. But her grandpa has a mouth like Uncle Thor!"

"Valkyrie, next time come and talk to me first before you do anything crazy like that again!"

"You were sleeping."

"I knew I should have taken some Jolt," muttered Loki.

"Are you mad?"

"No, just disappointed." Loki sighed. "When we get to the campgrounds you can join your three brothers doing punishment detail."

Lucy groaned. "I promise I'll never do it again."

"Good, but that doesn't count for this time," he replied, then he hugged her and they got back in the van.

Her brothers and sisters greeted their missing sister with hugs and asked how much trouble she was in. "The same as Nate, Vince, and Max for whatever they did," she replied.

"What did you do?" Hunter asked.

"Tell ya later," Vince said.

Up front Loki was having a field day. "I cannot believe you left Lucy behind, Thor!" he scolded the Thunder God. "Don't you know your own nieces and nephews?"

"Loki, it was an accident!' Thor protested.

"An accident?! Thor, you took someone else's kid along for a joyride and didn't even know Lucy was missing!"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry, Loki! I'm never gonna live this down!" he groaned.

"Nope. We'll be telling this to your grandkids," Loki grinned. "The Time Uncle Thor Forgot Lucy."

"How about The Time Lucy Tricked Uncle Thor," Thor groused.

"Do you want me to drive?" Loki asked.

"No. I'm fine. Eat your dinner," Thor pointed to the bag.

While Loki ate, Thor drove the rest of the way to the final exit off the thruway.

He took the exit marked Catskills and then drove down a rather lonely country road for about five miles.

"Uncle Thor, are we almost there?" asked Serena.

"Uh, yeah. Soon as I find the road to turn off. I know it's here somewhere," Thor said, puzzled. "The GPS says it's a quarter of a mile."

He drove down the road a ways then nearly came to a halt because a big elk was standing beside the road.

"Thor! Watch the elk, by the Nine!" Loki cautioned. "Don't startle it!"

"I'm not," Thor said evenly, and drove by.

"Mimir's Well, that was close!" Loki said in relief. "But we really ought to have seen the turn off by now."

"I don't understand, Loki. The GPS says it's here, but I don't see anything," Thor said, frustrated.

"Maybe you'd better turn around."

Thor turned the car around then went back up the road again. As before, the elk was still standing at the side of the road. They drove slowly past and Thor scowled. "I wish that elk would go back where it came from. I feel like it can't wait to jump out and commit suicide as long as it can take us with it."

They drove repeatedly up and down the road.

"I knew you should have let me drive!" Loki remonstrated.

"I got this, brother!" Thor argued.

The GPS beeped. "Recalculating."

"Oh, recalculate your ass!"Thor snapped.

"Daddy, are we lost?" Aleta asked.

"No, sweetheart. We just don't know exactly where the campgrounds are," Loki explained.

"In other words, we're lost and Uncle Thor won't ask for directions," groaned Belle.

"Who can I ask?" Thor wanted to know.

"Google," Nate replied.

"Loki, this stupid GPS says the turnoff is right here!" Thor stabbed a finger at the elk.

"Wait. Where?"

"Turn right onto Mystic Way," the GPS announced.

"See? And there's nothing there except a big fat DEER!"

Loki looked thoughtful. "Yeah but what's behind the elk?"

"How should I know?"

"Thor, stop the car. We need to move the elk," Loki said abruptly.

"You're kidding right?"

"No." Loki conjured up some carrots and a sugar beet and then teleported out of the car a few feet from the elk.

"What's Dad doing?" asked Nate.

"Being Loki," responded Thor. "Crazy like a fox."

Loki went and dropped a trail of carrots and put the sugar beet at the end of it. Then he cupped his hands around his mouth and made a strange deep warbling call.

"What the heck's that?" Hunter asked.

"It's an elk mating call,' Vince said excitedly.

"I don't even want to know why Loki knows that," Thor moaned.

Just then the elk quit looking at the van and turned, nostrils quivering. Its ears flicked back and forth. Then it began to move towards the trail of carrots.

As it lumbered down the strip of grass, the turn off was revealed.

"Nine Hells!" Thor shouted. "That miserable deer was in front of it! I wish I had my rifle! Or a bow! We could have venison steaks!"

"Noo! You can't eat Bambi!" wailed Max, Aleta, and Lucy.

"Just kidding! Loki, get your lovesick butt back in the car!" Thor yelled out the window.

Loki teleported back inside and they took the turn off. In a few moments they parked beside a serene lake that glistened in the light of the setting sun and there were five white canvas tents mounted on concrete slabs next to a large picnic table with benches and some wooden square garbage bins. A sign read WELCOME TO MYSTIC SWAN LAKE!

"Finally!" cheered Hunter.

Everyone began clapping and Loki let out the breath he'd been holding.

The kids seemed like they were in good moods as they piled out of the van.

Until Aleta reached for her crayons she had left on the rear dash. "Daddy! My crayons melted!"

A/N: Thanks to everyone who gave me inspirations on my Lokitty group, you all know who you are! Hope you liked how I tweaked things!