Doubt
"I'm so happy, Mother. I am marrying Orion."
"I am as happy as well, my lovely silver daughter. It is good that you found someone that you may share your life with. Enjoy and cherish every moment with him."
Artemis smiled warmly at her Mother's kind words before leaning in to give her a kiss on the cheek goodnight. After she had bid her mother sweet dreams and good sleep, she left the room to go to hers to sleep.
Leto watched her daughter walk away with a smile. But when the door had shut and Artemis was no longer there, her smile vanished, returning to the saddened and heavy-hearted expression that she had begun to don.
It was all so sad to see her children opposing against each other. On one hand, Artemis wanted to be with Orion because she was truly in love with him, but wanted very much for her younger twin brother to accept the fact that the hunter was to be a permanent part of her life now. On the other hand, Apollo was distraught that she had chosen to be with the hunter, so convinced that she had foolishly walked into a trap, and wanted very much for his older twin sister to abandon Orion and be by his side forever.
Leto refused to side either of them. It was not because she didn't think of it as her business (they were her children so of course it was her business) but because she did not want to seem unfair and bias to one if she chose the side of the other. She did not like to be unfair to any and both of her children.
Honestly, Leto really was happy that Artemis was marrying Orion; as happy as any other mother who was glad that their daughter will be with the right person. For the past hour, her precious daughter had confided in her the qualms she experienced about getting married and how she was worried that she would not make a good wife to Orion. Leto had reassured her that if there was intimacy, passion and commitment in the love shared between her and her husband-to-be, than their marriage was sure to be a very good one. She was glad to see that Artemis seemed to have taken the advice into heart.
But then there was Apollo to think of. She felt distraught that her youngest child was experiencing a dilemma deep within his heart. She knew deep down that Apollo truly wanted his sister to be happy. But she also knew that his jealousy of Orion was what's stopping him from letting his sister gain her own happiness in the form of another man. If only Apollo could be convinced that Orion would do Artemis no harm and that she in turn would not abandon his side as his sister, but he was too blinded by the sins of rage and envy to do so.
If only there was some way to work it all out, but Leto did not know.
Her heart became even heavier at the thought of being so helpless.
Apollo woke up for what must be the sixth time in a row.
He groaned in frustration and sat up in bed, running a hand through the unruly mess of short golden hair, making it even messier. His eyes blinked rapidly until his vision cleared, allowing him to see easily in the dark.
He thought about what an awful night he had. First, he had cried himself to sleep. He woke up soon after and got dressed properly for bed. He expected to go back to sleep soon after the first waking. But then he found himself being drifted between sleep and wake and it was only helping to add fuel to the fire of frustration that burned continuously within him.
And what's worse was that each time he woke up, he kept on recalling back to the scene where Artemis had announced to everyone that she was going to marry Orion and Zeus had given her permission to do so. He remembered how happy she looked when she received all those words of congratulations from the other Olympians. But he also remembered how that happiness immediately disappeared when she had set his sights upon him. She had approached his seat, where he was crying quietly to himself. She had spoken to him in her most gentle voice; the gentleness of her voice was always one of his favorite traits about his sister. She had told him that she loved her hunter and proclaimed that he would never hurt her. She had also told him that she would never forget him, her brother, as well, and that she should be damned to Tartarus if she did.
Apollo had not said anything because he was afraid that whatever he would say would make him regret his words; it would hurt his sister, or it would hurt him, or it would hurt the both of them. He did not wish to allow the others see his tears any longer, so he simply left the dining hall. He was sure that Artemis and the rest must have taken his sudden leave as his disapproval of the arrangement.
But not entirely true.
It was also because he did not wish to feel like a loser in front of an audience.
It was true. Apollo felt as though he had lost a game. He had lost without any more chances and Orion had won Artemis and he was going to marry her now. His plans to keep his sister by his side forever were completely futile. It was official; the hunter was to receive his share of Artemis' time and affection.
The time and affection that used to be Apollo's alone.
He couldn't stop being afraid that over time, Artemis would be so taken with her new companion that she would just forget about him.
He hated the ill-feelings that were eating away at his heart. If only they would just go away, then he could have enough strength to tolerate the giant that was now to be his sister's husband. But the sense of losing Artemis to him and having to share her left him completely bitter with seemingly no possible way to be rid of it. It was horrible.
Apollo let out a bitter growl of malice and angrily threw the dark orange sheets off his body as he got out of bed. He began to pace around his room randomly. Ever since the whole mess began, he had been doing a lot of pacing just for the sake of keeping his thoughts in track of his steps.
As he paced, he began to recall the advice of his mother and Athena. He remembered how they had disapproved of him behaving so foolishly and thoughtlessly and suggesting to him that he should just learn to accept the fact that Artemis was in love and had chosen to be with Orion. He remembered how they had assured him that his sister would never forget about him; she had never done so once before. They told him that it had been a simple mistake of her to forget about him on the day of the music festival, but it was sure not to happen again. Both Leto and Athena had even told him that Artemis loved him too much to forget about him.
Then Apollo remembered what Aphrodite had said to him; or more specifically, screamed. He remembered how the Goddess of Love had called him insane and demanded hotly to know why exactly he won't let his sister be with Orion.
They just don't understand! he screamed to himself in his thoughts. What is it about this giant that managed to gain her affections so quickly?! He is practically a stranger to her! Artemis was mine for my entire life and it will bloody well stay that way! That damn demigod doesn't deserve her love after so short a time!
To make things worse, he remembered how angrily he had scolded Artemis in the dining hall. He especially remembered the feeling of the wooden hair clip breaking in his fist, thinking that it was a gift of courting or, even worse, engagement, despite her claims that it wasn't.
Apollo didn't know whether it was coincidental or purpose when, just a night later, she announced she wanted to marry Orion.
He tried his very best to fight the urge to take something and throw it to the ground to somehow soothe his anger. He had enough of physical release at this point. Taking slow and heavy deep breaths, he turned his head to look out the window.
The stars in the sky had all faded away. The color of the sky too had faded from dark midnight blue to a medium violet purple, signifying the coming of Eos as the rosy-fingered dawn. It also signified the time for the moon to sleep and the sun to wake.
"Might as well get ready," Apollo muttered under his breath, very unenthusiastically.
We did not speak and kept our distance as we performed our duties. Although I did not like it one bit, I knew that it was probably best for both of us.
When the moon had set and Apollo had raised the sun to its position, he returned to the palace while I did not. I decided to go to Crete straight away to see Orion. I wanted to spend some quality time with him at his current home before I take him with me to Mount Olympus when our wedding day had arrived, despite the fact that the day had not yet been decided and set.
The ride seemed quicker than usual, but Orion wasn't on Crete when I found him. Instead, he was sitting on the same big rock on the beach of the Islet of Leon, looking out at the sea. I felt lucky to have caught sight of him and immediately commanded my steeds to land on Leon. Orion glanced up as my chariot came down upon the beach, but turned to look away back to the sea shortly after.
Once my horses were relieved and allowed to be on their own, I made my way to the rock with my bow in hand and my quiver slung on my shoulder. Orion still did not turn to meet me. I found that absolutely abnormal of him, since he always greeted me whenever I was in the vicinity. I immediately became worried, thinking that I somehow have got something to do with it.
He finally turned when I was about to climb up the rock and extended a hand to me. "Thank you," I thanked him kindly as I gripped his hand tightly and hoisted myself up the rock, internally glad that I was wearing hunting boots this time. He said nothing in reply, but gave me a small smile.
I took my seat right beside him, leaving just a quarter of an inch of space between us. Instinctively, I gently grasped his hand in mine. He squeezed gently in response, but his eyes - looking absolutely deep in thought and concerned - remained on the sea.
The silence between us became enough for me in a few minutes. "Is something wrong?" I inquired gently.
Orion sighed softly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you worried," he said quietly. "I was just thinking."
"About what?" I pressed.
He finally turned his head away from the sea to lock his teal green orbs on my midnight blue.
"My father came to me yesterday," he told me solemnly.
I felt myself overcome with surprise. "He did?" I questioned surprisingly. Of course I would be surprised. To think that Poseidon had just visited me last night and even met with his son for the first time.
Orion nodded his head. "He told me that you… announced to the pantheon that you wished to marry me because you thought me worthy," he told me with a smile.
I nodded in confirmation. "I did."
"He told me some other things too."
"Like what?"
Orion let out another deep sigh and looked down at our grasping hands. He said quietly, "He told me that once I am married to you, I would become a god."
I knew of that already, though I haven't really put much thought into it. Of course he would become a god. It was a basic rule for marriage between a divine being (a full-blooded god or goddess) and a being that was either semi-divine (for example; a demigod) or non-divine (for example; a mortal). Many deities found this rule to be tedious, which was why many only took lovers.
Zeus could be a good example of this.
"That is true," I confirmed. Then, my tone became curious. "Does that bother you?"
Orion shook his head. "It doesn't bother me. I'm just a bit worried. What if I don't become a good god?"
I frowned in disapproval and replied, "Do not say what you do not know."
"But I just can't help it, Artemis" he answered almost worriedly. "You've said it yourself that being a god comes with responsibilities. What if I'm not good enough to handle these responsibilities? What if I turn out like one of those gods who only answer the evil prayers of ruthless men just for the fun of it or use my powers to only wreak havoc? I don't think I can bear such-"
I placed a finger on his lips gently, silencing him completely, and hushed him. Orion was fretting too much and I had to stop him before he fretted too much. His eyes focused on mine.
"I assure you that there is nothing to worry about, Orion," I assured him gently. "You're already a good person at heart, so I'm sure that you will be a good god as well. And if you need help, just remember that I'm always there for you."
Slowly, he started to smile. He pulled my hand away, but not before giving a kiss to my knuckles first.
"You know, that's what Father told me last night too," he revealed to me. "If you say the same thing, then it must be true."
I smiled for him and gave him a soft kiss to his lips. "It will be true, Orion. I promise."
And then, I stood up, grabbing my bow as well, and looked down at him with my hands on my hips. He looked up at me as I said, "Now, how about we go do some hunting? There shouldn't be any reason for us to stop doing what we love just because of our engagement."
Orion's smile turned eager. In a flash, he stood up and grabbed my hand.
"Stop! Stop! I already called for a time-out! Calm yourself down!"
Apollo stopped in his tracks and angrily threw the iron sword and shield in his hands to the ground before moving out of the ring of the training grounds in the garden and taking a seat on a nearby wooden bench. Ares took this as an opportunity to put down his own training weapons and go up to their only spectator.
"This is absolutely ridiculous. How long is he going to be like this?" Ares asked irately up at the trees, where Hermes was standing on a branch looking at Apollo very pensively with crossed arms.
Hermes sighed and shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know, to be honest."
As he massaged away the soreness in his right bicep, Ares scoffed, "If it's still about Artemis and her demigod, then he better get over it. She's getting married and she's not going to be a virgin anymore, but she's still going to stay as his sister; end of story. I don't know why he's got to get so angry over it. It's not like he hasn't slept with anyone before."
Hermes did not answer his hot-headed half-brother, still looking on worriedly at his other brooding half-brother.
I don't know why, but I have feeling that things are not going to turn out well… he thought to himself.
I've spent the entire day with Orion, but yet the hours seemed to pass so quickly. Before I knew, after all those hours of hunting and laughing and talking, evening was to approach already.
Orion and I were back in his clearing, with me seated in between his legs with my back on his chest. We fed each other cut-up pieces of fruit as we talked to each other. It felt nice to feel his warmth surrounding me; it was so comforting and it made me feel safe and protected. This must have been another sign that he was the right one for me.
I rested my head against his shoulder, turning it slightly so that my lips were just an inch away from his jawline. He brought his hand closer to my lips, holding a small of apricot in his fingers. I willingly parted my lips and took the fruit.
As I chewed and relaxed, he suddenly asked, "How do you think life would be like once we're married?"
I swallowed and lifted my head a bit to look at him in the eye. With a thoughtful smile, I replied, "Anything we wish it to be. What do you wish it to be?"
His eyes traveled heavenwards, looking very deep in thought. He twisted his lips in funny positions, causing a laugh to escape my lips. He smiled as he gazed at the laughter in my eyes.
"I want our marriage to be simple, yet blissful," Orion finally said with a smile. "We do not need much extravagance in our lives. We could be living in a run-down old hut in the middle of a deserted island and I would still be happy, because I have you at my side. We could spend our days hunting in the wildlands and take daily walks on the beaches."
I continued on for him. "We would rule the Hunt as the leading god and goddess. We would roam the wildlands as silent as a breeze and hunt like the most ferocious of predators. But when we are in the comfort of privacy," I blushed a little then, "We can… think about something other than hunting…"
Orion seemed to like that idea for his grin turned wide and mischievous. In a murmur, he asked under his breath, "Like what? Have children of our own?"
My blush turned deeper and my whole face felt like it was on fire. Again, the fact that I would not be a virgin anymore any time soon was realized, and I became hesitant once again. Orion sounded so eager to have children that it made me wonder if he would expect me to give himself up to him right on the night of our wedding.
I had been so deep in thought that I hadn't realized his lips were at my ear until he spoke softly, his warm breath washing over my skin.
"I can feel that you are hesitant," he pointed out knowingly. "I can understand that you do not wish to consummate right on the very night of our marriage. Do not fret, dearest Artemis. I will just wait until you are ready."
I felt guilty that I had to make him wait. What sort of woman made her new husband wait when they were supposed to bed each other immediately to brand themselves as belonging to one another?
"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I'm sorry that I have to make you wait, just because I'm so damn self-conscious." I sighed sadly. "I know I am not like the other women that used to be in your life…"
I felt Orion groan and he buried his face in my shoulder. I looked at him in surprise, wondering why he was suddenly acting like this.
"No, I'm so sorry," he told me apologetically and guiltily. "I'm so sorry that I had foolishly lost my virginity to a woman who did not deserve it as much as you do. I'm so sorry that I am too soiled for your purity. Damn myself for not waiting for you!"
I understood now why he was being like this; he was regretful that he wasn't a virgin for our wedding night. He was upset that he couldn't give himself to me as I would give mine to him. He was upset that I was not the first and the only one to have him in my bed.
Inside, I too felt slightly upset that I could not take away the virginity of the man I love when it came the time I was ready. And of course I did feel upset that he had been a philanderer before. But the big question was this; did it really matter now?
I know as well that Orion was truly regretful of all the mistakes he had done in the past. I had not sense even a hint of lying in his voice as he told me tales of his slightly-horrid past regrettably I knew that he had wished to repent himself in some way and I had a feeling that teaching him to be a good god could be that question.
What's more, despite his shortcomings and the crimes he had committed in his past, I had still fallen in love with him no matter what. He had proven to me that he was no longer that selfish and revengeful philanderer, but a kind, loving and caring person who had grown wiser. He proved to me that people could still change for the better instead of staying bitter forever. His willingness to become a better person made me fall in love with him.
I pulled myself away from him and turned around to face him. Orion quietly kept his eyes on me as I cupped his face and leaned mine closer, but he slowly slid it shut, like I did, as our lips met.
We took our time enjoying the kiss. It was soft and gentle but it still maintained passion, as like our other kisses before. I could really taste sweet fruitiness on Orion's thin but masculine lips, which had been from the pieces of fruit I had fed him. Like always, it was the most blissful and heavenly thing I have ever felt.
When we pulled away, I kept my hands cupping his face while his were on my waist. I pressed my forehead to his and felt his warm and sweet breath washing over my face. I opened my eyes the same time as he did, and midnight blue met teal green.
"It doesn't matter," I said to him in a whisper. "You're not that type of person anymore. I know that. And I trust you enough to give my heart to you, because I know you wouldn't break it by betraying me for another."
I gave him another kiss to his lips before wrapping my arms around his neck and burying my face in the crook of his neck. Orion pulled me closer to him, his arms tightening slightly around my waist.
He pressed small kisses to my hair before bringing his lips to my ear and whispering, "I love you, Artemis."
I smiled and replied, "I love you, Orion."
Without hesitation, we kissed each other again, our complete love for each other reveled in that moment.
When I stepped into the dining hall, I was greeted by a familiar voice calling my name.
"Artemis!" Persephone cried out happily, rising from her seat between Demeter and Athena and rushing to me. I barely had time to respond before she had thrown herself at me with her arms wrapping around my neck instantly, locking me in a tight embrace.
"Heartiest congratulations on your engagement, Artemis," Demeter told me with a big smile as she walked over to me. "It was a shock to hear from Hermes that you finally decide to marry someone, but still good news all the same."
As I finally hugged Persephone back, I replied, "Thank you so much, Aunt Demeter. I'm just glad that many are as glad for me as I am for myself."
Persephone pulled away to look me gleefully in the eye. Her amber eyes shone so brightly that I could have sworn that they twinkled like golden stars.
"Who wouldn't be?" she chirped. "The beautiful Phoebe Artemis Agrotera is finally marrying! Oh, I had a hunch that Orion must be the right man for you, and it's true!"
"So very true!" Aphrodite called out proudly from her seat at the table. I rolled my eyes at her before returning my attentions to Persephone and Demeter.
"True, indeed," I replied with a happy smile.
Persephone suddenly grasped my wrist and led me to the table. "Come! As we eat dinner, tell me all you have in mind for your upcoming wedding! Have you thought of a dress yet?"
Without any hesitation, I followed her to the dining table, bracing myself for a whole lot of questions.
Ares and Athena, who were seated just a seat apart from each other, were busy minding their own business as they waited for dinner to be served. Athena was listening to Persephone asking questions to Artemis about Orion while Ares was busy caressing Aphrodite's thigh under the table.
But their attentions were both pulled by Hermes, who had taken the empty seat in between.
They noticed the way the Messenger God's spring green eyes roamed over the table quickly. All of a sudden, the look in his eyes turned into one of realization and concern.
He murmured only three words under his breath.
"Apollo isn't here."
Author's Note:
I'm noticing a great decline of views and reviews lately... I hope people are still reading this. It's about to get to serious here! Now, I know there are still some of you who still read this story, and for that I thank you.
I am feeling kind of exhausted from writing so much Apollo angst. Seriously, this story really has a lot of angst and it's only going to get even more angsty later on! Sheesh...
I don't know why, but with each word I type, I'm starting to going to miss Orion really a lot... :'(
Muse of Fanfiction
