And so she came home.
Valerie was a mere four years old, but she had been told that Leonard asked Allison for her hand in marriage and cheered when she learned Allison said yes. Once Allison arrived they gathered together, the three of them, affectionately cuddling on the couch, and Valerie grinned and grinned and grinned.
They decided to go down to the justice of the peace for their wedding. It was simple and easily arranged, and involved just the right level of fuss for them—no need to book the shul on short notice, no need to invite more than a few of Leonard's friends as witnesses, and no need for fancy dress. Leonard wore a shirt and tie, and Valerie had on one of those dresses with a handkerchief hem—very stylish. Allison wore her dress uniform, all crisp lines and sharp corners.
Lawrence's arrival the day before the wedding brought out even more joy in the occasion. Allison was nearly as excited as Valerie was—it had been so long since she'd been able to visit with him. They stayed up late talking, Leonard giving up on staying up with them once he had put Valerie to bed. Allison and Lawrence were just as tired as he was but it was a special occasion, much too important to waste sleeping their time away.
The next day Allison sat in the back seat with her daughter as they were driven to their destination, and Valerie snuggled up to her, picking at the button at Allison's throat.
"No, sunshine, don't do that," she said. "Can you be a big girl for me? You need to stand still while the justice of the peace is talking."
"I don't want to," Valerie said.
"You have to," Allison said. "I'll give you that look if you don't." She demonstrated, and Valerie returned the glare with a suppressed smile dancing behind her features.
Leonard led the way once they arrived, taking Valerie's hand, and Allison hung back slightly to walk alongside Lawrence. "Ready?" he asked her.
She let out a little hum and nodded. "Definitely ready," she said.
"Good," Lawrence said, and offered her his arm.
She smiled and took it, hooking her arm in his. She'd never expected to become emotional during this whole process—it was just another event as far as she was concerned—but as the steps Lawrence led her multiplied she felt her eyes fill with tears. This was the culmination of everything, she realized. He had always stepped in when she needed him and now he was leading her to become an official part of his family.
The following moments went by in a blur, because she was thinking not about the events that were currently taking place but about her place in these people's lives, and the love they all held for one another, and her role in life as a soldier, a mother, and now a wife. She was—she was crying. She was crying. Leonard took both her hands in his, facing her, and she became aware the justice of the peace had prompted them to kiss. She swallowed and looked in the eyes of her husband and drew him forward to kiss her, and he did it so tenderly that she sighed.
Later, when the visit with Lawrence had ended, she decided she'd spent so much time with him and with Leonard that she needed to insist on taking time to visit with her daughter alone. She managed to talk Leonard into spending just one evening working on his research. Then she and Valerie left the house, walking at a leisurely pace, side by side, and Valerie kicked a rock on the sidewalk.
"Have you made many friends since you moved?" Allison asked. Leonard had been accepted to the University of Washington for his PhD and it hadn't been long since the move to Seattle.
"Yeah. At tumbling." Valerie started skipping. "Daddy said he's going to put me in dance when I get older."
"You'd be good at it," Allison said. They reached the park and Allison tried to absorb every detail—the way her daughter laughed when she was pushed on the swings, the way she effortlessly crossed the monkey bars, the way she insisted on going down the slide head first. Her face was changing, shifting from the face of a toddler to that of a child. Her hair was darkening from its lighter strawberry blond color to something more red. Her sense of humor was beginning to develop, and she made up story after story for her and her mother to play out.
"It's getting dark," Allison said finally. "We ought to go back."
"One more time on the swing, Mommy? Just one more?"
Allison smiled faintly. "Okay. One more."
It was the next day when she had to go back.
x-x-x-x
And so she came home, another year of her daughter's life gone by. She was the one who had done the research into learning what there was to do nearby their house, and so she was the one who had suggested the amusement park. It was crowded, but Allison was having the time of her life. She'd never been anywhere like this before—and the fact that her daughter got to enjoy something she'd never even imagined being able to experience at her age was exciting and refreshing to her.
Since she was only five years old Valerie was too little to ride the roller coasters herself, but there were kiddy rides that she found thrilling. And Allison had been indulging Valerie's sweet tooth the whole day through. She wasn't aware how Leonard had started to guard his wallet, though, until they entered yet another gift shop and she started perusing the selection. "One thing," he said, coming up beside her. "One."
She gave him a puzzled look. "Don't you want her to remember this? She's too little to without some kind of reminder."
"Which is why I feel like it's a waste of money," he said.
How the turns have tabled, as Lawrence would have said. "Look, if I think it fits in the budget then it fits in the budget," she said. "Leonard, please. Don't be an idiot."
"Look at this, Mommy," Valerie said then, tugging on Allison's hand.
Leonard sighed. "Well, fine."
He tagged along as they continued to browse, picking up some of the items to turn over in his hand. "This stuff is so kitschy," he said.
"Exactly," Allison said, amused.
"What's that mean?" Valerie asked. "What's 'kitschy'?"
"It just means it's the kind of thing that makes you smile," Allison told her. "Which one of these makes you smile the most?"
Valerie scanned the things they had viewed so far, then pointed at the snow globes. "Those ones," she said.
"All right," Allison said, shooting Leonard a small smile. "Let's get a snow globe."
And later, as the trip wound down, Leonard was left to carry the bags as Allison picked up their drowsing daughter to carry out to the car. "What did you buy?" he said. "Feels like a bag of gold bars."
Allison shook her head and laughed. "It came out of my account," she said. "Quit freaking out about it."
He trumped forward without replying. Allison knew that meant she had won and she grinned. "Don't worry, I'll spend some money on you later on," she said.
He grunted. "As if that were the point."
"We can afford it, calm down." Obviously she still found his irritation amusing. He shot her a dead-eye look and finished leading the way to the car, opening the back door and setting the bag inside before giving her the room to place Valerie in her car seat.
Allison approached him and draped her arms around his shoulders. "My turn to drive," she said. She'd learned how in her time in the service and had obtained her license.
Leonard pursed his lips. "Don't take the corners too fast," he said.
"I don't, Leonard," she said. She knew his opinion of her driving. But she wasn't as reckless as he seemed to believe.
In any case, she got them home safely, and when they finally got a chance to lie down together in bed she cuddled up to him. "Today was perfect," she muttered, resting her head on the hollow of his shoulder.
"Yeah," he said. He reached his arm around to rub her temple gently with his fingers. "It was."
When she was preparing to leave again Valerie tried to give her the snow globe to take back with her. Allison smiled and pushed Valerie's outstretched hands down lightly. "You need it more than I do," Allison explained. "It's a memory. You don't want to lose that, do you?"
"No," Valerie said, hugging the snow globe to her chest.
"Okay," Allison said. "I have to go now. Give me a kiss."
Valerie complied and Allison hugged her around the shoulders firmly. "Mmh, I'm going to miss you," Allison said.
"Me too," Valerie said. She waited until Allison pulled away. "Bye-bye, Mommy," she said.
Allison reached down to take her hand. "I don't like those words," she said. "How about we say 'see ya'."
"See ya," Valerie said.
"All right," Allison said with one last smile. "See ya."
x-x-x-x
And so she came home. The year had gone by so quickly this time, she could hardly believe her daughter was already six. The visit seemed to be going by quickly too, she found, but it was the quiet moments that seemed to matter most this time around. Accordingly, she was taking the time to simply be with her husband, working on preparing dinner together. Everything that happened as they worked seemed to remind her of some long-ago time—she remembered Leonard teaching her to cook, remembered the way they would work together like this, even when their relationship had been broken up. She smiled over at him enough that he offered her a puzzled smile. "What?" he asked.
"Just remembering," she said, and he seemed to accept that answer, turning to check on the broth that was heating.
"What are you remembering, Mommy?" Valerie asked.
"Just things your dad and I used to do," Allison said. "Stuff like cooking together."
"Can I help too?" Valerie asked, approaching her.
"Maybe in a minute. These vegetables need to go in the pot." She kept chopping carrots while Valerie watched. She finished with one and went to grab another.
Suddenly the girl put her fingers on the cutting board, gripping the side so she could lean in closer. "Are they ready now, Mom?"
"Valerie!" Allison said, immediately switching the knife to her other hand. "I could have cut your finger off."
Valerie backed off, looking surprised. "Would you really cut my finger off?"
"I mean on accident," Allison said. She sighed. "Here, put these in while I cut some more."
"Okay," Valerie said, happy again, and gathered the carrots up clumsily. A wave of impatience gathered up and swelled in Allison's chest but she took a breath to soothe herself. Children were uncoordinated and sometimes had to take their time to do things, and Allison knew that.
Of course, it wasn't as simple as all that. Valerie hovered her hand over the pot to drop the carrots in but immediately pulled back. "It's hot!" she said.
Allison put the knife down on the cutting board. "Yes it is, sunshine. Do you want me to do it?"
"No," Valerie said.
"Good girl," Allison said, happy to see that Valerie still had that stubbornness she had displayed even as an infant.
Eventually, the meal was all cooked. Allison knelt in front of Valerie and took her hands, smiling at her. "You did a good job," she said. "You should always try to do your best, right?"
"Always?" Valerie said.
"Always," Allison said. "Every time you try, you can always do better than the last time."
"Okay," Valerie said. "I will."
After they'd sat down for dinner and cleaned up it was Valerie's bed time. Allison sat down on the girl's bed, pulling her into her lap, and lounged back with the book she had selected. "I think we should read it backward," she said, causing Valerie to giggle.
"But it won't make any sense that way, Mommy." She wiggled though, and turned to the last page. "Look, he's falling asleep. That's not a beginning."
"Can you read this?" Allison asked, pointing at the first word on that page.
"I don't need to," Valerie said. She recited the text from memory, then grinned.
"That is smart," Allison commented. "You must read this book a lot."
"It's my favorite," Valerie said.
So they read it, backward and forward and forward again. Finally Allison sighed and carefully lowered Valerie to the side off of her lap and onto the bed. "It's time for you to go to sleep, sunshine."
"No, it's not," Valerie said. "Stay here."
"Your daddy wants time with me too, Val," Allison said. "We'll see each other again tomorrow."
Valerie pouted, and it took some time for Allison to extract herself, but eventually she did.
When it was time for her to go, she found it was even more bittersweet than the time before. Allison hadn't understood why Valerie had insisted on bringing her book to the airport until she tried to present it to her. Allison nearly pressed it back into her hands, as she had done with the snow globe the year before. But this time she realized the way Valerie was trying to make a connection with something that was already precious to her.
She smiled and accepted it. "Thank you, sunshine," she said. "I'll take good care of it."
As she left she hugged the book to her chest. She never let it go until her flight was ended.
x-x-x-x
And so she came home. Valerie was seven now, and she had graduated from tumbling to gymnastics. Allison's trip home coincided with a competition Valerie would be in. How strange it felt, to know her daughter was skilled enough at something to compete! Her daughter was still so little in her mind.
In any case, she was determined to be Valerie's biggest fan in the audience.
The routines in the competition were compulsory, which meant that each participant was to do the same routine. Allison didn't really know what she was watching for as far as each element went but by the time Valerie was up she'd seen the routine several times. The whole time Valerie was on the floor Allison was on her feet. As far as she could Valerie hit all her marks, and Allison grabbed Leonard's arm and cheered when Valerie's score showed her to be in first place.
It wasn't to last—as more girls did their routines a couple of them bested Valerie's score and she ended up in third place. It was a bit disappointing, but she had still done well. Allison knelt before her after the medal ceremony and smiled.
"Don't worry. You'll get 'em next time," she said.
Valerie looked at her uncertainly. "I will?"
"Yeah," Allison said. "You work hard at it, okay? Even if you're the best, you can always do better. Can you remember that? You should always push yourself to be better."
"Okay." Valerie took her mother's hand when she offered it to her and led her to the locker room.
It was just a couple days later when Allison had to return to her unit again. When she'd first signed up for the Special Forces she'd assumed this would be easier on her than it was turning out to be—and it was lasting longer than she had expected. Turned out longevity didn't have much to do with how much leave time she earned.
She gathered her husband and her daughter to her sides and hugged them, and kissed them in turn. "Here," she said, carefully removing her wedding ring and handing it to Leonard.
"You always leave it behind," he said with a small frown. "I think you ought to have the reminder." But he accepted it regardless.
"Take it as a promise," she said. "I'll be back. Remember that."
He went inside the house to put the ring in a safe place before returning. By then Valerie was clinging to her mother, arms around her waist, squeezing and beginning to cry. "You shouldn't have to go," she says. "I need you."
Allison's expression went soft, and she stroked the girl's hair. "Being away doesn't mean I'm gone," she said. "You and your dad are strong, right?"
"No," Valerie said.
Allison smiled faintly. "Yes, you are. You're a soldier's family, and you support me, and that makes you strong."
"I don't want to be strong," Valerie said. "I want Mommy."
Allison knelt to the ground, holding her daughter's hands. "Listen. Remember what I told you about me leaving?"
Valerie nodded. "But…it's not fair," she said. "I don't want you to go away."
"I know. But don't think of it as me being gone. I always care about what's going on here at home and that's how I stick around. Now I have to go, sunshine. Are you ready?"
Valerie sniffled and let her mother go. "I'm ready."
"All right." And she got into the car, and they drove to the airport, and at the end of their time together she didn't say goodbye. She just went. She released their hands and went on.
Music for this chapter:
Letters From The Sky - Civil Twilight
He trusts that through the years she'll always return
Once When I Was Little - James Morrison
Carolina's early life was as carefree as any child's. Her mother wasn't home all the time, but she could trust that her parents would do everything they could to keep her happy and safe.
