Do You :REmember?
Chapter 29: Past Pain
Centipede:
I would like to apologize for my unexplained refusal to help you in your raid of Aogiri Tree's base several days ago.
I understand from that purple-haired friend of yours that you would have liked me to join you, and that I would have been more than welcome to assist in your fight against Aogiri Tree despite my history with them. I thank you for your kindness.
But you must understand this: While I cannot stay with the organization I betrayed… neither can I join the ghouls who massacred my comrades. Many of my friends and close subordinates died in that battle. I may forgive you, someday, but I doubt I'll ever forget what you've done.
May strength and courage find you, Kaneki Ken, and perhaps our paths shall cross once again.
Three Blades
Hinami knocked on Kaneki's door. With her sensitive hearing and nose, she knew that he was inside but the rustling of sheets told her that he did not wish for anyone to disturb him.
She knocked again, before murmuring an 'excuse me', then swung the door open to enter. Her Onii-chan was lying on his bed, his back facing her. An unsealed envelope lay on his bedside table. She was interested in its contents, but shoved that curiosity aside as she walked towards him. Kaneki didn't stir at all, not even when she sat at the edge of his bed.
"Onii-chan, are you awake?"
No response.
"Onii-chan, please. You have to stop this. You're going to become like how Tsukiyama-san was when we met him that day." She gently shook his side. "Onii-chan, everyone's worried about you. When will you come out?"
Slowly, the half ghoul rolled over to face her, but his eyes were half closed. His hair fell messily all over his face, obscuring the dried tracks of tears that ran down his cheeks. "Hinami… please leave me alone…" he whispered. "I need to be alone…"
"I'm not leaving you alone, Onii-chan!"
"Hinami, please…" He turned away from her again.
"Onii-chan!" Kaneki went silent again.
Hinami sighed. Her elder brother had cried for hours in front of Tsukiyama's grave the previous night, and then he had cooped himself up in his room for the entire time after that. He wouldn't respond to any calls for him to come downstairs to eat, or even to see Investigator Mado, who had dropped by to check on him. She took a deep breath.
"Onii-chan… the day my mother died… when I was wondering if… it was right for me to be alive… do you remember… do you remember what you told me?" she asked, voice trembling slightly. Kaneki stirred slightly.
"You told me that you believed it to be my mother's will. That she wanted me to stay alive." Hinami turned to him. "I think Tsukiyama-san wanted the same thing. I think he wanted us to stay alive."
There was no reaction from Kaneki. "Onii-chan, Tsukiyama-san wouldn't want to see you like this. He died to save us. But what's the point if you're not going to go on living?" Her voice had grown louder. "Onii-chan, you need to move on!"
Barely, she heard him whisper, "I killed him."
"You didn't kill Tsukiyama-san. No one thinks that. Not even Kanae, no matter what he said to you. Even Kanae is moving on." Hinami stopped herself. She was starting to sound too harsh for her own liking.
"I'm sorry, Onii-chan. I just… I just don't want to see you like this. Everyone's worried about you. You haven't eaten anything, you haven't drunk anything, you've not come out for the past three days. It's almost like… it's almost like how Tsukiyama-san was when we found him," she whispered.
A memory of him sick and emaciated floated to the fore of her mind, and it quickly shifted to become an image of Kaneki, thin to the bone, chewing on his own fingers and refusing any drink, lying, dying on his own bed, wailing and whimpering for death to take him… No! She couldn't let that happen to him.
Hinami reached forward to shake his shoulder. "Onii-chan, please, you can't stay this way! Please, you have to get up! We… we still need you, Onii-chan!" she nearly screamed.
Kaneki did not dare to look her in the eyes. He felt embarrassed at the fact that Hinami, who was six years younger than himself, was brave enough to move on. Tsukiyama's death hurt him a lot, much more than he ever thought it would, but everyone else had already accepted it. How could he stay like this, weak and pathetic? Hinami was right… he had to get up. He had mourned for Tsukiyama. It was time he let go and look to the rest of his friends. He had to make sure they didn't die, too. Kaneki turned his head, finding her kneeling above him, tears nearly spilling from her eyes.
He reached up to wipe them off her face. "Thank you, Hinami," said he, and for the first time in three days, he smiled.
A soft click came from the door. Amon kept his gaze fixed onto the table as footsteps entered the room. The investigator dragged her chair backwards, scraping it against the floor, before seating herself with pen and notebook in hand. The tension built up in his mind. He clenched his fists, which were chained around the back of his chair. They had injected Rc suppressants into him to prevent his kagune from forming and allowing him to escape. Another click went off, and a second investigator entered, handing something to the first before leaving. Amon dug his fingernails into his palms.
Finally his interrogator spoke. "Are you Amon Koutarou?"
"Akira…"
She ignored him and asked him again, louder this time. "Are you Amon Koutarou?"
"Akira, you know who I am."
"Just… just answer. Are you Amon Koutarou?"
He was silent for a while. "Yes."
"How old are you?"
"I'm twenty-nine."
"Were you previously an investigator with the CCG?"
"Yes."
"What was your rank, before you were designated missing in action?"
"First-Class."
"What quinques did you use when you were working as an investigator?"
Amon furrowed his brow, remembering. "Kura, Arata, and… Doujima."
The interrogator scribbled a few things on her notebook, not responding to his use of her name. Why had she been sent to interrogate him? What was his former organization trying to get out of him?
"Which investigators were your partners when you were working for the CCG?"
"Akira, you should know the answer to that question."
"Answer, please." Her voice was completely devoid of emotion.
"Akira!" He burst out. "This is ridiculous. You know all this information. Why do you have to ask me?" Why do you have to make me remember?
She stopped writing, placing the pen on the table. "Amon-san, please understand. This is part of the CCG's standard procedure for interrogating prisoners. We must verify your identity for the interrogation to proceed."
Did she just call me Amon-san? But all Amon did was sigh. There was no point trying to protest now, especially since Akira was refusing to display any sign that she had known him at all. "I… understand."
"Good. Now, please recount to me your life, starting from the Owl Suppression Operation which took place about three years ago."
He raised his head to look at her. His eyes met her pale green ones, and she stared back at him, unflinching. "Well, Amon-san? Do you need me to repeat myself?"
"No… but three years of information?"
"Yes. As best as you can recall, please." She set her pen to a fresh page on the notebook.
He turned his gaze back to the floor, dejected. "Alright. So, three years ago…"
Amon opened his eyes to find himself in a dimly lit room, the right side of his body aching. He turned his head to look, and through the pounding in his head, he saw his arm, the skin slightly lighter than at his shoulder. Gingerly, he lifted it up with his left hand and inspected it. No wounds… no bruises… His eyes shifted downwards, and to his shock, his right hand was- but why-
Then the sound of shoes scuffing the ground behind him caught his attention, and a benign-looking doctor with white hair walked into the room, a little bandaged girl following behind him.
Suddenly, Amon realized that he was strapped to metal table. "What the hell?!" he yelled, struggling against his chains.
"It is no use, Amon-kun. We've injected Rc suppressants into your bloodstream. Your strength is only that of an average human's."
"Who are you? What have you done to me?!"
"Now, now, calm down, Amon-kun. There is nothing to be concerned about. The operation was a success. Unfortunately you were already unconscious when we found you, so I couldn't perform any further… experiments."
"Experiments?!"
"Yes! Doctor Kanou is trying to find out more about ghouls, you see. And he's especially interested in half-ghouls," said the little bandaged girl.
"Half-ghouls? Like the Eyepatch?"
"If you mean my dear prototype Kaneki Ken, then yes. He is one of the first half-ghouls I have ever made… finest specimen I ever lay my eyes upon."
"You turned the Eyepatch into a half-ghoul?" he said incredulously.
"Of course. Who else could have?"
Amon shivered. There was definitely something wrong with this man. What kind of person would relish turning humans into ghouls? And if the Eyepatch's sanity was anything to go by… he must have done it rather brutally. He felt a sudden pang of sympathy for the former human.
"What are you going to do to me?"
"Ah, yes. As Eto-san has mentioned, I have a professional interest in the anatomy of half-ghouls. It has been shown that they are much more powerful than regular ghouls. But why? How does their body differ from normal ghouls? Is it some factor in their bloodstream? Is it that their muscles can produce energy more efficiently? Are their bones stronger, their limbs tougher? Till now I do not know the answer… and I must know it." He paused to catch his breath. "The only way to find out, of course, is to experiment on half-ghouls. But where shall I get a half-ghoul? It is highly unlikely to find one naturally… so as part of my work, I also find ways to turn humans into half-ghouls." Kanou smiled down at Amon. A drop of sweat rolled down the side of his face.
"You- you-"
"Yes, Amon-kun. You've been chosen as my latest subject. We'll be experimenting on you later this evening, in fact. Your amazing physical and combat abilities have impressed me, and my instincts were right in telling me that you'd be a perfect specimen. As I've said, this first operation was largely a success. Though, it does seem that your regenerative abilities are rather lacking… " Kanou's gaze fell onto Amon's right hand.
"You turned me… you turned me into a ghoul?!" Amon couldn't believe his ears. It couldn't be. It couldn't be! He couldn't have turned into one of them, the enemy of the human race, the species that had killed Harima and Mado-san and Takizawa! But it made sense, didn't it? He was still alive even after being impaled by the Chinese ghoul's kagune, his arm had grown back, and they had to inject Rc suppressants into him… no no no no! It couldn't be!
"A half-ghoul, Amon-kun."
He thrashed even more violently against his chains, the metal digging into his skin. "LET ME GO!"
"I'm afraid that won't do, Amon-kun. We've spent resources capturing and operating on you. You'll have to bear with us for a while." The doctor nodded towards the girl, Eto, and they moved towards the door.
He heaved himself forward, but the chains held him back. "What have you done?!" Amon shouted. "How is this of any use to you?!"
Kanou smiled again. "For myself, it's purely to fulfil my curiosity. But for Aogiri…" Eto interjected, "It's going to help us achieve far greater power!" She laughed, and the two left.
He had continued to struggle even after they had left, but the chains just wouldn't break. So for a while he lay there in silence, thinking up plans for his escape.
If the Rc suppressants they injected are similar to the CCG's, and of the standard amount, then it would usually only last for several hours… but how much did they inject? If this is Aogiri, they would inject much more than that… That doctor had said he would be returning later, maybe when they are experimenting I could overpower them and run… or I could try stealing some sort of tool from them to file through these chains… Ah, but that girl, Eto… she doesn't seem quite right to me… I feel like I've seen her before, her presence feels familiar… If she accompanies the doctor it'll be much more difficult to escape…
The door opened, and Amon immediately stiffened, thinking Kanou had returned. But instead it was a ghoul with a near-blank mask and a long ponytail.
It's that ghoul!
Amon's gaze followed him as he walked up to the table, then pushed it forward. The table was wheeled, he realized, as the ghoul moved him out of the room and down a corridor into another, much larger room. It was even darker than the other one, but faintly Amon could make out the shapes of a myriad of machines, some with liquid bubbling in them. Where was he being taken?
Noro wheeled him to a stop beside one dubious looking contraption that had a large tank of white liquid on the top. Amon couldn't see what made up its bottom. Then Kanou suddenly appeared from the shadows, pushing a cart of surgical tools. A bright light went on above him, and Amon squinted. The doctor bent over him. "We meet again, Amon-kun."
"What are you doing?" he asked. His eyes darted from side to side, looking for anything that could help him escape.
"An experiment, naturally. If you would look to your right…"
Amon turned, and gasped. A person had been tied down to a table, like himself, and his arms were locked into two metal boxes. From the tank extended downwards four tendrils, which pierced into his bare back. White liquid rushed through them and into the tank, filling it. His long white hair fell to hide his face. Blood was dripping from him and staining the floor underneath the table. "What is that?"
"That is a ghoul named Yoshimura - once known as Kuzen, and to you investigators as the Non-Killing Owl. But in this laboratory, he is nothing more than a useful resource." Kanou flipped another switch on the machine. The liquid in the tank bubbled as more fluids were harvested from his back, making Yoshimura cry out in pain. Amon went deathly pale as he tugged hard on his chains, the metal rattling noisily. The doctor turned a disapproving eye to him. "If you struggle like that during your operation, Amon-kun, it'll only be worse for you." He nodded to the blank-masked ghoul. "Let's begin."
The ghoul passed a razor sharp surgical knife to Kanou. Amon flailed in his chains, in fear of the tool the doctor held. "What are you doing? Stop it!"
"I told you, it's an experiment. I'm going to insert the kakuhou of our donor Yoshimura into you to see how successful such an implantation would be in a half-ghoul. There will be parallel experiments on a full ghoul I have already picked and on a human we had captured during the CCG's operation. So, please do comply."
"Aren't you going to use anaesthesia?" Amon said, the knife drawing closer to his skin. He yelled and made one last fight against his shackles.
"No, there is no need for anaesthesia. Besides, this is a good way for me to gauge the pain threshold of half-ghouls. Don't you think so too?"
"NO! GET AWAY FROM ME!"
The knife came down. The blank-masked ghoul towered over him, holding him down to the table, as his screams of pain echoed throughout the room.
"So some time after the Owl Suppression Operation, you were taken to an Aogiri Tree base, turned into a ghoul, and had the Non-Killing Owl's kakuhou brutally implanted into you?"
He nodded slowly. Akira sighed. "I'm sorry for you, Amon-san. I wish we could have saved you."
He was silent. She scribbled something, then, "So how did you survive the operation?"
Amon closed his eyes. Remembering so much of that horrific surgery- no, torture, it was torture- had taken a toll on him. He calmed himself, before dragging out more memories from the back of his mind.
"I don't know," he answered. "It was… I think… I thought that I didn't want to die there. I still have things I want to do. I still need to revenge Harima and Mado-san, and I still wanted to see y-" He stopped himself.
Akira raised an eyebrow at him. "What is it, Amon-san?"
"Nothing. It was nothing."
"You… have a very strong will to live," Akira commented. Amon thought that she was suspicious of what he had said. She wrote into her notebook. "Please continue."
He returned his gaze to the table. "I nearly died in that operation, actually. I was so close to death that… well. They thought I was really dead. I couldn't assimilate the Non-Killing Owl's kakuhou. They threw me to the side and waiting for me to bleed to death."
"And how did you escape from their compound?"
Pain. All he knew was pain.
Pain destroyed. Pain obliterated. Pain nearly made him forget himself.
He had lost his voice after screaming ceaselessly throughout the surgery Kanou had performed on him. He didn't want to think about the wounds the doctor had inflicted on him, but how could he not, when they bit and burned at him every second to remind him of his pathetic, hopeless fate? And his back… even though it was just the upper part, where the kakuhou had been inserted, it felt like his entire back had been ripped out.
Midway through the operation, he had fallen unconscious from the pain, and when he woke up, he found himself in a small, dank cell, completely dark save for the tiny rectangle of light that shone through the small holes in the wall. His back still burnt fiercely, but at least the pain wasn't enough to incapacitate him.
The lights outside the cell were switched off. He knew it was not night. The light outside told him so. Amon was realizing that his senses were starting to become more and more heightened, and he was able to detect even the tiniest of details.
He could hear no footsteps whatsoever in the vicinity, and the cells around him were lifeless. He couldn't hear any sort of sound from them too. Either abandoned cells or dead and rotting bodies by the smell of them. He stared at his cell. The walls, the metal plank that was his bed, the floors. They were painted in red. With his blood.
Had he been left to die in this cell alone?
Did Aogiri think he was worthless and dead?
He had to escape. This was his chance, but the only problem was that he was too weak. He didn't know where to go.
He should rest first and regain his strength.
"Then? What happened?" Akira prompted after the short tense silence.
"I stayed there for a week to heal, then I busted myself out of the cell with my Kagune. I had to… I had to… hunt. For food." His voice grew softer, ashamed of the fact that he had had to feed on his own species. "Then I went to observe Aogiri's movements. I've been watching them."
"Why didn't you come back to the CCG?" Her tone was accusatory.
There was a pause before Amon lashed out.
"How could I face my comrades again when I had become a ghoul, the very creature that I hated! Everyone hated ghouls! I even hated myself! I don't know how I lived, I shouldn't have li-"
Lips were pressed onto his, effectively shutting him up. "Ugk!"
She pulled away, her eyes moist with unshed tears.
"At least you came back."
A/N: [Kato] Hey guys! We're still aliveeeeee~~~ ahaha ok sorry very very sorry for the late post (me and Aelin were admiring the starsssssssssssss) and yes it's finally here, 3 days late, but hey, at least we posted it!
