Summary: Maria is waiting at the train station to see if Darren was able to catch the Captain in time. Unable to force her feet to move forward, she sits on the ground praying for a miracle. The children remain at home, wondering where Maria went. A time jump occurs in this chapter, and honestly, is possible for the next chapter. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own TSOM or any of the characters.
Chapter Twenty-Nine: I'm So Sorry
She was unable to hold back her tears, gasping violently as he helped her to her feet.
"I'm so sorry" Darren said, brushing the hair from her eyes softly.
The pain in her stomach was growing, as she clutched her abdomen lightly. Staring into his eyes she felt her world shake. How was it possible that he was still here? It didn't make sense.
"I don't think I can make it back to the car," Maria replied. Her legs were already shaking; her vision was already blurring. She honestly didn't believe she had anything left to give.
"I'll carry you, put your arms around me." He offered, leaning down slightly to scoop her up.
"The children!" Maria cried, realizing that they would now be waking up to find them gone. While they knew Georg was leaving, she feared they would assume she abandoned them again.
"Frau Schmidt is there, we need to get you to a hospital." He said.
As the echoes of the train sounded in the distance, Maria laid her head upon Darren's shoulder, having no strength left to fight.
[THREE MONTHS LATER]
Maria woke that morning feeling happier than she had in a long time. It was Christmas Eve, one of her favorite holidays. She enjoyed it even more than Christmas. Perhaps it was the anticipation leading up to the day, the fire crackling in the hearth, the stockings hung by the fire, and the last minute wrapping of presents. Even growing up in foster care, it was one time of year they always celebrated. She knew that when she woke the following morning, she wouldn't receive any presents but she still enjoyed the anticipation of what if.
Hopping out of bed she walked over to the dresser on the opposite side of the room. She looked at the brown paper packages with strings and hand addressed tags that were placed strategically in order. She had a plan of how exactly she would place them around the tree, knowing it would be a disaster to have all seven of them fighting at once. As if on cue with her thoughts, the echoes of the children began radiating through the foyer of the villa. Realizing she had yet to ready herself for the morning, she rushed quickly into the master bathroom to begin.
It still seemed strange to her, walking into Georg's bathroom and sleeping in his bed. When she had returned so many months ago, she found herself unable to sleep. The memories of losing the baby, the memories of holding Darren, and the memories of pushing Georg away, all of them lied quite literally existed in that bed.
After asking Frau Schmidt, because she felt she needed some sort of approval, she decided to take his room. They weren't sure how long he was going to be gone, but they assumed it could be a year or more. Maria didn't really consider what would happen when he returned, it was too far off to think about.
Between teachings at the local university, the children being in school, managing the household, and just trying to survive day to day, she was exhausted. Frau Schmidt offered to help as much as possible, but Maria rarely allowed her too. She found it far more difficult (than she ever imagined) to adjust to leaving the children all day. When she was home, she felt too guilty asking Frau Schmidt or Liesl to do any more than they were already required.
"Mother?" A soft voice inquired, calling into the master suit just as Maria walked out of the bathroom.
"Yes Gretl?" she replied.
"It's almost Christmas." Gretl stated.
"After one more night it will be!" Maria replied, touching her gently on the nose.
"Do you think we will finally hear from father?" she asked innocently.
Maria felt her heart tighten at the question. They hadn't heard from Georg since he left three months ago. While he had promised to contact them, they assumed it was a matter of not being able too, rather than not wanting too. She had even gone as far as to call Darren, asking if he had heard anything about him. However, Darren couldn't find any information out. Apparently the mission had a security clearance beyond his paygrade.
"I'm not sure sweetheart, but I know no matter where he is, he misses you very much. I know he will be thinking of all of you all day today, and tomorrow" Maria replied.
There was so much that he had missed in just a few short months. It broke Maria's heart to know that he was missing all of this because of her. If she had never come into his life, none of this would have happened. Georg would have never had to leave for Darren.
"Baroness!" Frau Schmidt joked happily striding into her room. "Oh hello Gretl." She walked over and tapped Maria on the shoulder, leaning in so she could whisper. "There's two letters here, one for all the children and one just for Liesl. I think they're from Georg. Would you like to see them first?"
Maria smiled at her. She truly treated Maria as if this was her house, her children, and as if Georg was her husband. Sadly, none of the above was true. However, she always appreciated the sentiment.
"No that's alright. I'll take Liesl's to her. Why don't you surprise the rest of the children with theirs at breakfast? I was just about to send them down anyway." Maria replied.
"What a splendid idea!" Frau Schmidt agreed, taking Gretl and heading to find the other children.
Maria took the note in her hands, and traced her fingers over it delicately. Georg had touched this paper. She closed her eyes tightly, trying to imagine him smile. It seemed to be so far away. It seemed to be lifetimes away. What a fool he was. How could he have ever doubted that she loved him?
She still had the note he had written to her in her drawer, well his drawer, next to the bed. She read it every night before she went to sleep, hoping to find a new meaning or a new line to it. The bedsheets no longer smelt of him, after Frau Schmidt finally convinced her to let them be washed. However, many of his jackets still hung neatly in the closet.
She walked over and opened it, touching them softly, grazing her fingers over them as she sighed. "God I miss you," she whispered.
"I know he misses you too." Liesl replied, now standing at the doorway.
"Oh, Liesl, I'm sorry I didn't realize anyone was here."
"It's all right. Frau Schmidt told me you needed to see me."
"Oh, yes. This I think, could be from someone very special." Maria said handing the note to Liesl. But when Liesl turned to run downstairs Maria stopped her.
"Wait! The other children have one, this one, is only addressed to you." Maria informed her.
The smile that ran across Liesl's face made Maria's love for Georg deepen. If there was one thing she was sure of, it was that Georg no longer needed any guidance from her. He had morphed back into the wonderful, compassionate father she always knew he was. As Maria turned to leave Liesl she stopped when she heard,
"Will you stay with me?"
Maria nodded, and sat down on the bed further from Liesl, so she could not read the words. She was beyond curious, but she knew the note was special to her. It wasn't a moment that she wanted to tarnish. Liesl smiled, hugging the letter. When she stood up, she walked in front of Maria who was still sitting on the bed. Looking over the letter one last time, she handed it to Maria.
"You need to read this." Liesl said, as she turned and walked downstairs for breakfast.
Liesl,
I hope this letter finds you in time for Christmas. I apologize that I have not written you until now. It was a matter of location and security. (Unfortunately that is all I can say). Just know, I have missed you and your siblings, every day since I have been gone.
I want to know, how you are. When your mother died, I know I left the main responsibility of raising your siblings to you. I feel that became both a blessing and a burden. A burden, for you never were able to experience your own childhood fully; a blessing because it molded you into the compassionate, mature, and maternal woman you are today. I'm afraid that I have done that again. While I know Frau Schmidt is taking good care of all of you, I can't imagine that it is enough. I sincerely regret having left you in the situation that I did.
Had I have known Maria would not have been able to be there for you, I would never have left. I think I believed if she was there, she would have been able to not only nurture, raise and love all of you, but I believed further that she would be able to grant you the freedom to discover yourself; a freedom I robbed you of years ago with my own grief. Just please find a way to take time for yourself while I'm gone. Find a way to learn about "Liesl", and what life will mean to you. I know you will do so, and make me proud.
Also, I will leave the decision to you, because I am honestly not sure how all of you will feel. But I want you to know, I am more than comfortable with all of you inviting Mr. and Mrs. Vogelson for Christmas or New Years. While I'm sure they may have plans by the time you receive this, it was a thought. I'm sure all of you miss her terribly, as I'm not sure you've had the chance to see her in a few months. Frau Schmidt can make the arrangements for you, if, that is what you decide. I just wanted you to know, that is something I would be comfortable with. I hold no grudges to either of them for not choosing to stay, even if they did marry anyway.
Well, I must go now. I promise to write again when I can.
Merry Christmas My Liesl
All of my love,
Your Father
It took Maria about three times of reading it, to figure out what the hell he could have been thinking. First off, who were Mr. and Mrs. Vogelson and why were they coming for Christmas? Then she realized, Vogelson was Darren's last name. He was under the impression that she and Darren had gotten married. But why would he think that? She looked down at her left hand and saw a plain gold band, and a large diamond on a gold band, both hugging her ring finger.
Oh no. But how? She thought.
About a week after moving into Georg's room she was ruffling through the top drawer of his nightstand one night. She came across the little box, and immediately knew what it was. After staring at it deciphering for a good two hours, she finally placed it on her finger. She wanted to marry Georg. These were her children, this was her house, and she was his wife, whether he knew it yet or not.
To make matters worse, she had placed the gold band the children bought for her on the same hand about a month later.
"If you will wear a ring saying you want to marry father, you should wear a ring saying you want to be our official mother!" Marta argued.
Even though Maria wanted to explain the one ring represented the same thing, it warmed her heart too much. And how could Maria, honestly, argue with that adorable sentiment? But the fact that she wore the rings still didn't explain how he would think that she and Darren were married?
Also, the fact that he believed she would be so quick to leave the children, especially if she did marry Darren, hurt her.
"You have to write him and tell him," Liesl offered walking back into the room.
"He can't know that I'm here now Liesl," Maria replied in a sad tone.
"What, what do you mean?" Liesl asked. "How could you not tell him?"
Maria shook her head. Georg was moving forward while he was away. He was finding a way to cope believing that Maria was safe, that she married Darren and moved on. If he knew that she was at home, sleeping in his bed, crying herself to sleep at night, wearing his engagement ring, surely he would know how not all right she was. He would then spend every waking moment worrying about her, stressing about when he would be able to come home, regretting leaving the way he did. The last thing that he needed to be while away, was distracted. She had caused him enough anguish in the past few months.
"Trust me Liesl, not a word." Maria replied.
"But he thinks you just left us! He thinks you married Darren!" Liesl yelled, now becoming upset.
"And if he knew otherwise, what would it change Liesl? It won't bring him back!" Maria yelled back, now starting to cry.
Liesl walked over to Maria slowly,
"He needs to know that we have our mother here, and that we're safe."
Maria wrapped her arms around her, sobbing into her shoulder.
What was the right decision?
Note: I have been writing for a writing conference I'm attending in a few weeks. I'm sorry that this took so long to get up! I have off of work tomorrow, so I'm hoping to get some juicy chapters up for you guys! I think this is coming to an end shortly, as I now know where this going. Ha ha. Thank you for all the reviews! I LOVE you guys. Also, thank you thank you for your patience. !
