A/N: Sorry for the long wait. I've been busy with school lately. I hope it's okay with all of you. This chapter is short, but I still hope you like it. It's not my best writing because I've been lacking inspiration once again. Don't worry, it will come back to me! :)
29.
It was in the middle of Spring Break and that meant a few more days 'til we got back to school. And going back to school meant preparation for graduation. And graduation meant preparation for college. And I feel like time is just suffocating me into a very small box and I don't know how to get out of it.
"So my mom is telling me that I should attend the community college over at California," Brook said.
I put my pen down and looked over at her. We were sitting at our regular spot at the local diner during lunch. Brooke was complaining again about her mother who, in fact, lived across the country. And I was trying to list the pros and cons of going off to Yale on my notebook.
"Community college?" I asked.
"That's exactly what I said. I'm definitely not a community college girl. I'm more of the university type," Brooke replied with so much enthusiasm.
I laughed quietly as I listened to her blab about her college plans. Somehow I kind of her blocked her out and nodded in the right times. I was too busy thinking about Nathan and how I could possibly deal with this type of situation.
". . . she has one thing coming to her." I zoned back into our conversation which was really not a conversation and nodded.
"Totally," I stated as I looked at my spiral.
"I'm glad you understand, Hales," she said.
Reading over the list, I realized that I didn't even fill in the pros list enough. Under the cons it said things such as: I'm going to be a thousand miles away from Nathan, I won't see him every day, Nathan will be stuck at home, we will be apart for almost 4 years, I will only see him on holidays and during the summer. I just couldn't take it. Why would I want to be without Nathan for that long?
"What are you writing?" Brooke asked as she took a sip of her drink.
"Just a pros and cons list for college," I said, looking up. "Now that I have Nathan, it's kind of difficult."
"What are the pros?"
I held the spiral up for her so she could notice the big difference between the two columns. Then I put it back down in front of me when I noticed her lift her eyebrows.
"Hales, I'm sure things will be fine if you go off to college. You know the phrase 'absence makes the heart grow fonder'"?
"Yeah, but that's not really true for everyone."
"Maybe you're one of those people."
"Maybe I'm not."
Brooke looked at me and reached out her hand and placed it over mine. "I know that you've fallen in love for the first time this year, Hales. Everyone knows." We both laughed. "But sometimes couples have to work things out to make things easy or better."
True. We weren't really good at planning things. Ever since we've been together, he'd randomly pick me up in the middle of the night just to go out to eat at our favorite diner outside of town. Or just run away for a while and skip class on Fridays. It was never a planned date or scheduled time because our relationship was spontaneous and fun. We didn't even plan on falling in love with each other. I guess now that my parents have finally approved of him, just a little bit, we could finally be a regular couple. We wouldn't have to sneak around anymore. This is the next step in our relationship. Future plans.
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Nathan was walking around the 'Lumber and Garden' store looking for pieces of wood to fix the fence at his house. He went past the gardening sections and finally found the fence posts at the end of the aisle. As he was lifting the pieces of wood into his cart, he noticed someone walking towards him from the end of the aisle. It was Matthew and he was holding a bag of garden manure.
Nathan rolled his eyes and rubbed the bridge of nose. "Please, don't tell me you're coming to talk to me," he stated, putting one post onto his cart. "How'd you even know where I was?" Nathan asked, weirded out.
"I had to grab a bag of manure for my mom and I saw you when I walked by," Matt replied.
"Great."
"Since I saw you I thought that maybe I should apologize."
Nathan chuckled and reached out to grab another post. "Apologize for what?" he asked sarcastically.
"You know." Nathan gave him a look and continued to add more and more pieces of wood to his cart. Matthew realized that Nathan was ignoring him and decided to continue."I've just been a jerk this whole semester. I apologize for getting in between you and Haley. And for ratting you two out."
Nathan breathed out deeply. "You know, I don't really forgive people that often," Nathan replied slowly adding the post onto his pile.
"I figured."
"What did you expect me to say when you decided to come over here? Did you really think I would forgive you for what you did?"
"No, I just thought that maybe if I at least apologize to you then Haley would stop looking at me like the devil."
"Oh, this is because she beat you up, right?" Nathan laughed. He heard about the rumors and remembered how proud he was of her for standing up to Matt when she told him. It was the highlight of his day.
Matthew looked down embarrassed then looked up again. "Look, I let her beat the crap out of me. The part that really hurt me the most was when she walked away without looking back. That hit me hard."
"That's what you get for trying too hard to be THAT guy for her especially when she didn't want you to be," Nathan advised.
"I know, but do you have any idea how hard it is for me?"
Nathan stopped adding posts into his cart and started scratching his temple. He really didn't want to be standing here talking to Matthew. He was the last person he wanted to see and the last person to have a a conversation with. He looked over at him and pretended to be interested in what he had to say next.
"What are you talking about?" Nathan asked.
"I'm talking about you two. It's hard for me to see you two together. I've liked Haley for a long time and I've tried so hard to get her to like me back, but she wouldn't give in. Then you came along –out of nowhere- and she fell for you so quickly. How is that even possible? You're –," he stopped, looking at Nathan confused, as if he was looking at a monster. "I never thought that you'd be the kind of guy she she'd end up with."
"I never thought I would be either," he said.
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I returned home, took a shower, and sat by myself in the dining room as I continued to look at my list. My mother was at the office and my dad was at the department as always. And I really needed the space to think about this. Nathan told me he was working on the fence at his house because it was torn down during the harsh wind the other night.
I really appreciated what he said to my father the night of our first dinner with them. I loved how he respected them the rest of the night and how I finally saw a little bit of enlightenment in their eyes. I was so happy in that moment of my life. But now this issue about college is really tugging at my heart. I already know what it's like to be away from Nathan for a while. It hurts. It really did. And now we're actually allowed to be together and when the next few months arrive, I'll have to be away from him again.
I grabbed my cell phone from my pocket and dialed his number. I asked him if it was okay to stop by because I needed to see him. He said it was okay, so I grabbed my purse and headed towards the Scott house.
When I arrived, I noticed Sammy sitting on the porch step with a glass of lemonade while she watched her older brother working on the fence. He was wearing a dirty white t-shirt and dark blue jeans as he was hammering a post into the ground. As soon as I climbed out of the car, Sammy's face lit up. She quickly ran up to me and I picked her up into a tight embrace.
"Hi sweetie, how are you?" I asked.
"I'm great. I started reading a new book," she replied sweetly.
I set her back down on the ground and held her hand as I walked up to Nathan who glanced at me with a smile. "What's the title of the book?" I asked.
"Felicity. It's an American Girl book," she answered.
"Wow, that's amazing. I love that book," I replied. "Well I'm going to go talk to your brother. You go ahead and read more, k?"
She nodded and skipped away. I walked up to Nathan with my hands in my pocket. He looked really sexy in his outfit. The dirty white shirt really looked good on him. I smiled to myself when he noticed me staring. He put the hammer in his hand down and gave me a confused expression.
"What?"
I smiled as I walked closer and wrapped my arms around his waist. "Nothing, I was just gazing at my sexy boyfriend." I felt him kiss my hair and chuckle a little bit against it.
"I guess I should wear this more often."
I pulled away and said, "I think you should." I winked. He leaned in for a kiss and I smiled against his lips, then I parted from our embrace. He bent down to grab his hammer until I said, "I wanted to talk to you about something."
He held the hammer in his hand and looked at me. "Alright, spill."
"It's about our college plans," I began.
He chuckled as he pounded his hammer against the wooden post. "You mean your college plans."
"But that can change," I replied. "I mean, we can both have college plans."
He continued hammering down nails into the fence post without glancing at me.
"Hales, you know that I'm not college material. Besides, my grades aren't up to par."
"I'm a good tutor, Nathan. I can help you."
"We only have three months left. I can't magically increase my grade point average in that amount of time, baby" he said.
I sighed deeply when I knew that I wasn't going to be able to encourage him to attend college. I need him to attend college for his benefit. I know that he's obviously not going to make it to Yale, especially with his attendance and grades. I just wanted him to have a future and pursue himself into something great.
I watched him grab another nail from his tool box and held a wooden post horizontally across the other posts. I was contemplating whether I should talk about my list that I had created earlier. I didn't want to stress him out while he was working. But I just had to tell him somehow. It was really beginning to make me uneasy.
"Are you worried about me going to Yale?" I asked hesitantly. I noticed that he was listening but trying not to look phased by me.
"Um," he began. "I'm fine with it."
"Are you really?" I asked.
He stopped hammering and looked at me. "Look Hales, I don't want to be an excuse for you. Don't let me get in the way of your dream school."
"It's not my dream school." He gave me a look. "Okay, fine it is, but it's so far away from you, Nathan."
"I know it is, but I can't be in the way of this, Hales. I bet you planned to move off before I became part of your life. There's no other reason why you shouldn't now."
"Of course there's a reason, I can't be away from you for that long. I don't even think I'd make it through the first semester," I confessed.
"I'm trying to support you in this. You know I love you right?" I nodded."I don't want to be away from you either, but we have to take chances and we have to support each other. We can't give up things like college just because we want to be together."
Is this the same Nathan that I met months ago? The old him would've told me and begged me to stay. I'm surprised he wasn't affected by this as much as I thought he'd be. I was the one who was hurting in this situation and he was apparently fine with it.
"Are you really fine?"
"Honestly, I'm not. I really don't want you to be miles away from me, but I can't let my emotions affect your decision. We will still be together while you're gone, I promise," he replied. He walked over to me, dropping his tools on the ground and wrapped his arms around my shoulders. "Don't worry so much about this. Okay? We still have a lot of time together. And once it's time to leave, I'll visit you on the weekends, I'll call you every day, and I'll remind you that I'll always be here waiting for you."
