Chapter Twenty Nine:

The silence hung in the air as both women looked at Grissom.

It was Heather who finally spoke.

"Congratulations on your nuptials," she said to Sara.

"Thank you…I wasn't aware that many people knew about it," said Sara as she turned to Grissom.

The silence resumed.

"Could I get you anything?" asked Sara. "Perhaps some tea?"

"No thank you," said Heather as she reached for the door. "I'm glad you're home. Gil has missed you."

Sara said nothing as she watched Heather leave.

She kept her back to Grissom.

"It was nice of her to drop in," said Sara coolly.

She turned and faced him.

"She's a good friend," she said now folding her arms.

His mind prepared a speech.

He did not get to give it as she headed to the kitchen for a glass of juice.

"Sara, I've been seeing Heather."

The glass dropped to the floor shattering between their feet.

He was there instantly with broom and dustpan.

She stood there unable to move.

The broom and the dustpan disappeared.

There was no trace of the broken glass.

"What did you expect me to do…when you left?" he asked quietly.

She stared at him in disbelief.

"I needed someone to talk to," he began as he grabbed her hand.

Her face was pale and he was prepared to catch her if she was the next to drop.

"You uhm…" she couldn't say it.

She could do nothing but stare at him.

She pulled her hand away and wrapped it around her.

"Sara, talk to me," he said.

"I uhm…"

She stopped once more.

"Come sit down…we'll talk," he said as he motioned for the couch.

She looked down at her feet unable to move.

His hands guided her to the couch.

She watched them move but she felt nothing.

"It was one friend helping another," he said.

"Helping?" she managed to get out.

"We talked."

"Talked?"

He looked at her odd.

"Yes, talked. I couldn't sleep one day so I just showed up there after shift."

She stared at him.

"We talked and then I slept."

"Slept?" she asked as she heard her voice weaken.

"I slept…there," he said.

"Just once?" she asked.

"A couple of times," he admitted.

She felt the air leave her lungs.

"Sara?"

"Do you uhm love her?" she asked.

"Sara, I love you! I married you. I just needed someone to talk with…I didn't want to burden you with what was going on here," he said.

She looked confused and frightened.

"Nothing happened….just friends talking."

"You uhm…" She couldn't seem to formulate a sentence.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

Her mind tried to wrap about what he was trying to tell her.

Spent the night with Heather again…

This time he needed her…

Told her things he couldn't or wouldn't share with me…

Spent the night more than once…

Heather came here this evening…

Has she been here before?

Did Heather stay here?

What else did Heather do for him?

Why didn't he just tell me about visiting with her?

What could he not tell me?

"Sara?"

"I'm tired," she said suddenly.

She was exhausted.

She forced her mind to shut down as a means of self preservation.

She needed to think about the baby.

"We can talk later," he said.

She sat there as he waited for her to go to the bedroom.

"Try to sleep," he said. "We can unpack later."

She wasn't sure she wanted to unpack.

She wasn't sure about anything at the moment.

He expected her to go to the bedroom but she laid down on the couch instead. He grabbed the small throw and placed it around her but she was sitting back up. Her eyes scanned the room for her blanket. He grabbed it and wrapped it around her. Her eyes shut immediately.

"You might be more comfortable in the bedroom," he said.

"This…is…fine," she said.

His hand stroked her hair as his hand slowly made its way to brush slightly across her forehead.

"I've missed you so much," he said.

She wasn't listening.

She was too busy telling herself she had not made a mistake by coming back.

I need to talk with him…

I'm not sure I want to hear what he's going to say…

I need to understand all of this…

Why do I feel like he's cheated?

Why do I feel like I've been kicked in the gut?

Why do I feel like I want to run?

Heather is just a friend…

He told her things but not me…

I'm his wife and he told her things…

What things?

"What did you tell her that you couldn't tell me?" she asked.

She was proud of herself.

She had managed to ask a complete sentence while ignoring the little voice screaming inside her head.

He didn't know how to answer.

She waited.

"I missed you," he said again.

"You've….said that."

Her eyes shot open. "What did you tell her that you couldn't tell me….your wife?"

There it was.

He heard the hint of jealousy in her voice.

"Sara you shouldn't feel threatened by Heather. We're friends," he said reaching out to touch her but it surprised him when she slapped his hand away.

"You think this is just about jealousy? You said you wouldn't do this again. Why didn't you tell me you'd been spending time with her instead of letting me walk into this? If it was so innocent then why not just tell me? Her name never came up in any of our conversations. I told you everything…things I didn't even want to tell you. What could you possibly tell her that you couldn't tell me?"

I couldn't tell you about the trouble Warrick has been in…

His risk of losing everything he'd worked for…

The fear that I wouldn't be able to help him…

I couldn't tell you about the disciplinary action I'm about to face…

I couldn't tell you that I'm utterly lost without you…

How I felt like I was self destructing because I did not have you…

You've been the stronger one…

Not me…

Heather kept me grounded…

"How would you feel if I spent the night with Hank? Not once but several times and never mentioned it to you? What if I told him things I didn't tell you? How would you feel?" she asked.

"I didn't sleep with Heather. I don't think the comparison is the same."

He was surprised he had even said that.

It was as if something had taken control of him.

He cringed the moment he heard the words come out of his mouth.

"Fine. I slept with Hank. Thank you for pointing that out. We both know why I slept with him."

He flinched.

She slept with him because he wouldn't let himself have her.

His actions punished both of them.

"Sara…"

"I don't understand," she said. "You say you're just friends but you keep the relationship secretive…like our relationship used to be."

"I didn't keep it a secret. I just didn't mention it."

Her stomach knotted.

"This is not the way I wanted our first day back to turn out," he said sounding frustrated.

"You said no more secrets," she said quietly.

"It wasn't a secret!" he said.

Her hormones played havoc with her emotions but she refused to give in to them.

She closed her eyes shutting him out again.

He sat there waiting for her to talk but she remained silent.

"Just rest," he finally said.

She could hear footsteps as he disappeared into other parts of the house.

She took in a gulp of air.

Stop it Sara…

Pull it together…

It was just talk…

Just talk…

And sleeping over…

And telling her things…

Things you still don't know anything about…

She was startled when she heard the soft whisper of his voice.

She opened her eyes and listened.

"She doesn't need to know everything," he said.

"You've been good for me. I want you to know this doesn't change anything," he said.

"I'll see you soon," he said.

The voice stopped.

She heard a click.

One sided conversation, Sara…

If he didn't want you, he never would have married you…

Maybe he changed his mind when he came back…

Spent time with her…

Now feels trapped because of the baby…

She struggled to get up.

Her movement brought him back to the living room.

"Feeling better?" he asked.

"I'm…good," she said.

There was a coolness in her voice and he felt it.

"Want to talk some more?" he asked.

"I want to know about the lab," she said.

"The lab is fine," he said.

"I'd like to see the others," she said.

"You think that's wise?" he asked. "You just got back…rest a week or so…you're pregnant."

She leaned back in the couch and he knew she had not liked his reply.

"Sara, I'm sorry I should have told you I'd been talking with Heather. From this point on, I'll tell you whenever I call or visit…"

"You don't get it, do you?" she asked.

He didn't.

He didn't have a clue.

"Never mind," she said getting up.

"Sara, I don't want to fight…not now," he said pulling her into his arms.

He held her forcing her to wrap her arms around him. She relaxed against him and he kissed her lightly on the lips.

"I heard your voice earlier," she said. "The lab?"

He cringed. "Heather. She was apologizing for coming over unannounced."

"I'm glad she was there for you…she's good for you."

He realized she had overheard his side of the conversation.

He stiffened. "I value her friendship. I hope that it can continue."

"I never said you had to give up your friends…for me," she said pulling away from him. "I just expected that we would tell each other ….everything…isn't that what marriage is about?"

He bristled. "Yes, it is. It also means not running away when things get bad."

She bristled.

He was waiting for a comeback but there was none.

Of course she wouldn't have one.

He knew she still felt guilty for leaving and he had just used that against her.

It was insensitive and spiteful and hurtful.

He had no idea why he had done that other than he wanted her to understand how much her absence had affected him.

The pain was etched on her face.

If you had never left he never would have gone to her…

What did you expect?

"I'm sorry Sara. I shouldn't have said that," he said quickly.

She said nothing.

The damage had been done.

"Let's unpack," he said.

He needed for her to unpack.

He needed to feel like she was home.

She didn't want to unpack.

She didn't feel like she was home.

She wanted to find a nice spot to have a good cry.

"I left everything the way you left it. The closet is ready," he said.

She wasn't.

She went through the motions.

He offered to help but she refused.

She was the one that left.

She needed to put things back the way they were.

The way things were…

She swallowed the lump.

She didn't want to go back to the way things were.

She was alone and scared and hated the way things were before she left.

She finished with the suitcase and then put it inside the closet but he quickly took it.

"I'll put it in the garage… out of the way. We don't need it anymore," he said.

She looked about the room as he disappeared with the suitcase.

Nothing had changed.

She had or at least she thought she had.

She quickly grabbed her phone and dialed the number.

"Brass."

"Jim?"

"Hey kiddo," he said cheerfully.

"Jim?" she asked trying to calm herself.

"Sara, what's wrong?"

You can't involve Jim…

Gil was his friend before you…

"Nothing," she said. "I'm sorry. I'm…uhm."

"Want to talk?" he asked.

"Jim?"

He could hear the desperation in her voice.

"Sara, it's going to be alright," he said. "It's a lot…coming back here. Just give it some time."

"I uhm…I need… to know… about …everyone…please tell me Jim. I uhm need…to know. How are you?" she asked.

"I've missed you but then you already knew that. We've had some rough cases but hey what's new. How are you?" he asked.

"Nick?"

"He misses you. His old girlfriend got married. He took it hard."

"Greg?"

"He missed you. He still doubts he's doing a good job. I think we've all been too busy to tell him."

"Warrick? How's Warrick? He was… wasn't sleeping that well…when I…left."

"He misses you. He never got over the breakup of his marriage…blames himself…the job…he's been messing up on the job but he's doing better."

"Catherine and Lindsey?"

"Catherine complained about how much Grissom missed you. She misses you too. They're good. Lindsey's still trying to grow up too quickly."

The line was quiet.

"Sara, how are you?" he asked.

"Gil…how's Gil?"

"Sara, you're with him. He's happy. He's missed you a lot. He pulled away from the rest of us for awhile but then he got better. He has you home now... he's happy about the baby."

The silence returned.

"Sara…"

"Why couldn't… he tell me this?" she asked.

"I'm lost in the conversation. What are you talking about?"

"Gil…with Heather..." she stopped. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I… it's nothing. I just… wanted to know about everyone. I'm sorry I've been away. I'm sorry I had to go away. I'm sorry Jim. I don't know what's the matter with me," she said as she broke down in tears.

"Sara, where are you?" he asked.

"I'm here," she said. "I'm at the townhouse. It doesn't feel like home."

"Want me to come?" he asked. "I can be there in fifteen minutes."

"No…no…I'm sorry," she said. "My fault. I never should have left. I caused this…this…they're okay? I mean they're okay…nothing's wrong?" she asked.

"Sara, we're fine. Take care of yourself…and that baby," he said.

"Sorry I called," she said.

"Sara?"

"Yes?"

"Where's Gil?"

"He took the suitcase to the garage…said I didn't need it anymore."

"Do you?"

"Jim?"

"Yes?"

"I'm not sure," she whispered.

"Let me come over," he said. "We'll talk."

"No…no," she said. "I'll talk with…him."

"I'm worried about you kiddo," he said.

"Me too."

She clicked the phone off as she sat there on the bed.

"I forgot to…Sara?" asked Grissom.

He could tell that she had been crying.

He sat down beside her.

"I know this must be hard for you," he said. "We didn't talk before…we're going to talk this time. Tell me what's bothering you."

I feel disconnected…

I feel like I might fly away…

Nothing to ground me…

No work…

No William…

He held her hand tight.

"You're trembling," he said. "Things are going to be better, Sara. I promise."

He promised…

No more secrets…

Note from author:

Bad way to start a fresh start...leave a review.

Take care,

Penny