a/n: ok i know i havent got around to everyones reviews - I have been ill, sorry. I will try to get back to you all asap. As for the vid, I'll post it for the next UD which should be real soon! this isnt perfect but it starts to get better towards the end (;D wonder why) my next chapter i look forward to posting too, its not finished yet though but i'm happy with it so far.
I'd like to thank everyone that is comming to this story...still, I keep geting new readers almost everyday and I'm glad you are adding me. Please leave a little review and let me know what you think - i have well over 400 reviews so i'm soo happy. I really do have the best readers, you were all so supportive to my Aurthor post and it means the world you are willing to wait on me.
Chapter27
EPOV
Looking up out at the window I could see nothing but black. There wasn't even a single star in the sky. I had gotten no sleep at all and looking at the glowing clock it only made me feel as if I was being taunted. The big bright red numbers glowed in the dark reminding me of everyone else that would be sleeping, Bella sleeping. And it wasn't next to me.
6:34
I gave up hope of sleep, it was a new day now and the apartment still had things to be finished with. Getting up pulled on my jogging bottoms, hoodie and my trainers and headed straight for my car.
The air was freezing as I stepped outside but I turned on the heaters, letting the car fill with the warm air as I pulled out the long drive headed in the direction of the apartment.
I walked in around forty minutes later, the roads had been quiet and my frustrated mind couldn't help but force the pedal down to the floor more than it should have.
I thought about her again. I couldn't help it. She was all I thought about when I walked in here. I could only think about what Alice had talked to me about. For her and Jasper to stay together at night, meaning Bella and I would be sharing together too.
I did it for Alice, of course. I had been such a dick to her, more so than usual, and everyone else lately I had to try to make it up to her.
Christ knows what would happen between Bella and me now though.
She left me after the most incredible night of my life and I woke up to the empty bed wondering when she had left me. Granted it was a wise idea for her to go through to her room in case we got caught being with one another but she didn't even say goodbye. She left me as I slept.
When I walked through to her room the next morning and tried to touch her I knew it was all over. That she regretted it, regretted what she done and I felt like the prick because I felt I had pushed for her to do it.
She was due back tomorrow night and I couldn't help the acidic feeling in my gut. I wanted to see her but I knew it was going to hurt like hell, especially after I had tried so hard to keep hold of her last time, kissing her up against the wall.
Working through what was needing to be done in the apartment I had let three hours pass by without even noticing, my mind working automatically and my subconscious thinking of Bella constantly. I could still feel her on my skin, her body against mine. I wanted it back.
Shortly later I heard Alice and Japer arrive in the door calling on me but I never answered them though they found me after a few minutes of checking the apartment.
"Christ Edward, just shout that you're in ok." Alice huffed as she pulled off her jacket and placed it in the corner. I was hunched across some of my belongings trying to sort them into the drawers and cupboards that had arrived the day before.
I still never answered her; I just continued doing what I was doing.
"Edward." Jazz greeted and I looked up at him briefly to see the arched brow raised in some kind of concern.
I ignored that too. I was shattered, I had hardly slept at all the past few days and hadn't slept at all last night, they should be thankful I wasn't biting their heads off.
"I was thinking we could finish off the bedrooms first, and then finish off the living room, it means we would only need to finish painting the kitchen tomorrow and then were sorted." Alice bounced on her seat and Jasper wrapped an arm around her waist.
I gave a small growl at him; all signs of PDA were now getting on my nerves. Why should they get away with rubbing it in others faces.
Jasper looked at me with his brows furrow forward. "Something climb up your arse today?" he asked not even batting an eyelid.
"Jasper." Alice scolded him but it wasn't much, her tone was too soft to show that she was annoyed at his words.
"What, come on, I take it all the time from him. Something must have rattled his cage this week." He told her as she curled into his side some more.
I was staying quiet.
Alice pulled away from him before she knelt down beside me, her hand brushing my forehead.
I hated seeing Alice like this; she always looked more like a concerned mother to a new born rather than the sister to a dickhead.
"You're a bit warm." She told me as if I didn't already know that, that's what happens when you lift half a dozen boxes up two flights of stairs.
I continued doing what I was doing and only shrugged in response to her.
She sat there for a few more moments watching me but I never looked back at her. I wanted to hug her and tell her not to worry, that I was fine but something inside of me wasn't letting it happen, a part of me seemed to enjoy seeing her worried. It was sick and I hated it but I couldn't fight it.
The three of us went around sorting out me and Jasper things in silence. They didn't push for me to talk even though they kept asking questions and got no response.
It was just before dinner time when Alice went to call Bella. She wanted her opinion on their room and wanted to know so it would be finished by tonight.
Walking back into the girls room Alice looked a little shocked but I tried to not look at her.
"Babe, what's the matter?" Jasper asked and my ears pricked up as I struggled not to look up at her again.
"It's Jake's dad, he's in the hospital. Charlie had to bring him home from a fishing trip because he wasn't feeling well."
My eyes flickered up to see her glassy eyes. Alice was always one for getting too involved. If she seen someone cry, she would cry. Going by the look on her face and the tone in her voice, Bella would be the exact same.
We knew Bella was close to Jake's dad, that she thought of him as a second dad almost. If anything was to happen to her family, Bella would be lost.
"What is it?" Jake asked what I was begging to know.
"Pneumonia. They said he's not doing to good."
My chest felt tight at the thought of her being so worried about him, I had seen that look in her eyes before and I was never a good look on her.
I wanted to call her, speak to her myself and see that she was coping ok. She had her family around her but it still didn't settle me. I wanted to be there for her.
"You ok Edward?" Alice asked and brought me back to reality. I had stood statue still thinking about her and it had obviously drawn some attention.
I nodded with my eyes trained to the floor not wanting to see Alice's face.
Silently I picked up my hooded top and pulled it over me before I left the apartment and ignored Alice's calls.
I wanted to see Bella; I had to at least speak to her.
Leaving the apartment I headed for the park. It was dark and there would be hardly anyone around and I needed some kind of escape from the apartment or else Jasper and Alice would begin to see right through me.
Pulling up under the thick of tress I held onto my mobile trying to decide weather or not to call her. I hadn't called her before, ever but now that she was so far away from me I knew I wouldn't see her for about another thirty hours and I couldn't go that long.
I needed to hear her voice.
I studied my phone for what felt like hours before I finally found some nerve to make the call.
It rang.
Rang again
Again
And again.
I didn't even know if she would have her phone on her if she was in the hospital. I felt nervous at the thought of her sad eyes.
I was about to give up hope and hang up when I heard her broken voice call my name.
"Edward..?" She whispered. No wonder Alice looked like she did if this was what she had heard. Her voice was shaky and choked and you could tell she had been crying.
"Are you ok?" My voice wasn't up to scratch either when I heard her. It was a needed whisper and it no doubt showed my desperation to check that she was ok.
"I'm fine." She said and that told me that she was anything but.
"Alice told us what's happening. How is he?" My real concern was Bella but knew if he was getting better she would be feeling better, that her broken voice would begin to fix.
"We still don't know yet. I don't know what to do. I'm not doing any good here." She rushed it out and sounded panicked. How could she ever think she wasn't doing any good, her dad and Jake would need her.
"Bella, calm down." She sounded nothing like her usually sure self.
"Edward…" She cried my voice down the line and my heart stopped. She had never sounded so helpless in all her life.
I was growing frantic in my seat and shifted uncomfortably about. "Bella, are you ok?" I asked again.
"No." she sobbed down the line. I was in too deep to deal with her like this. I couldn't be near her and what use was I to her when I was so far away.
"I miss you." she sobbed hard again as the air left my lungs. She missed me?
"I miss you too." I promised.
I wondered just exactly where Jake was at this moment and why she was being so honest now.
She was silent on the phone and all I could hear was her shallow breaths down the line and I felt myself calm with the gentle pattern.
"Are you coming back tomorrow?" It was probably the last thought in her mind but I needed to know, though I couldn't have been surprised if she stayed home as long as she could now.
"I need to." She told me almost quizzically. She really didn't need to, she was meant to be coming down so we could settle in just before school started but we had a few days until that.
The line went quiet once again and I didn't want to break it. She was obviously having a difficult time of it.
"I don't want to go." She whispered out and I had no idea what she was talking about.
"What, you don't want to go to college?" It felt like she was having another conversation with someone.
"No. I don't want to hang up." I thought hard about what was going through her mind. This wasn't her; her day was obviously taking its toll on her mind.
"Bella, you don't have too." I could have sat on the phone with her in silence all night if she wanted me too.
"I need to go; I need to be…" her voice sobbed again. "I need to be there for Jake."
It wasn't what I wanted to hear but I understood it. I nodded to myself accepting her words even though it pained me.
"I'll see you tomorrow." I didn't want to say goodbye. "Call me if you need to."
"Ok." She whispered before the line went dead.
The conversation was as strange and had me worried for Bella. What had been going through her mind as she spoke? She sounded as if she was broken. It scared the shit out of me. All I wanted was to see her and hold her but I had to hold off until she got back tomorrow.
Driving back to my mum and dads home I walked in a daze to my room. I never returned to the apartment. After the phone call I didn't want to do anything.
"Edward, did something happen? Are you ok?" My mum appeared at my side as soon as I was in the front door; I gave a meek nod in response as I continued on my way to my room.
Reaching it I stripped my jogging bottoms and hoddie off before I climbed below the covers and remembering her words. I miss you.
I woke up at half three in the morning after falling asleep almost instantly after getting back in from the park.
My missing sleep seemed to be catching up with me and I felt slightly better but knew I needed to get some food into my system if I wanted to keep myself healthy so I headed for the kitchen.
Pulling out bread, I reached for the peanut butter and jam and made a sandwich. I was beginning to feel my hands tremble at the lack of food I had during the day, if it wasn't for the decent sleep I would have no doubt be feeling a lot worse.
Hearing a small squeak on the floor, I clutched at my chest, trying not to have a heart attack. It was Jasper, standing right at the breakfast bar and I had been so lost in my own head I hadn't even noticed him.
"Chill, its only me." he told me with a smirk as she sat down, my heart trying to recover still.
"Make some noise next time." I warned and he laughed a little. Prick.
"What happened to you earlier?" he asked as he reached for my sandwich and stole it away from me.
"I just made that." I grunted.
He shrugged as he took a large bite. "Make yourself another one."
I swear to god I don't know how I had never strung him up before. Been tempted many a time but never actually done it.
Its how we worked, I pissed him off and it didn't even faze him but he did always get me back, the difference with me, it pissed me off immensely but I let it slide… eventually.
Talking with his mouth full. "Earlier?" He prompted again.
"What about it?" I began making sandwich number two.
"You just walked out, Alice tried calling you but there was no answer then she tried here and you weren't in.-"
"So what, I went away out and she couldn't get me." Like it was anything to do with them.
"You have been a total ass since…I don't know, since after the party. Did something happen?"
I couldn't have him knowing anything. Nothing at all.
I thought quickly how to get myself out of it.
"And don't think of some bull shit excuse either." He warned me.
"I'm fine." I grunted not liking his attitude.
He nodded to himself, his brain ticking.
"Something is going on, why did you leave like that after Alice told you about Bella, Are you still into her?"
"I'm not into Bella." I lied. "I've never been into her, let it rest, you have been asking me that since we started college."
"Only because of the way you look at her."
"Fuck off Jazz; I don't look at her anyway."
"Well just remember she has a boyfriend, they seem pretty committed." And at that I had to snort even though I never meant it.
"Something to tell?" he looked at me accusingly.
Since when the hell had he been paying such close attention to the way I was around her?
"I see it Edward, you need to back away, she isn't interested in you."
That he didn't know. He didn't know anything else except that he had caught me looking at her a few times and that she was with Jake.
He didn't know that she crept into my bed that she would cuddle into me, that she actually listened to what I said. She knew me and I knew her a lot more than anyone would ever know.
I wanted her back with me. It wasn't going to happen over night but in time I would make her see. She seemed to be realizing all by herself already tonight on the phone.
That call still haunted me.
He sighed at my silence. "Look man, I'm just telling you. She's Bella and well, you're you."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" my voice grew louder.
"She's sweet and smart and well you're a bit of a dick. The thing is you do it on purpose, you act this way and I have seen you do it to her. If you ever want a girl like that you have to take a look at yourself."
I was a more than a little surprised at his outburst. He was meant to be my friend. Nothing like the cold hard truth forms your friends eh?
"You agreed to take her to the ball and look how that worked out. You got into some stupid argument with her, upset her and well…what happened that night anyway? The fire distracted us from what happened before." He looked at me waiting.
"It's none of your damn business." I told him flatly as I took a bite out my sandwich.
"Look, I don't know how it works, your head, I know bits, I've seen it and I know that's you but the rest of it you do all by yourself. You think Alice is immune to your constant crap?
"She said that you don't go to her anymore at all, that sometimes she would see you, true and honest but now that she gets nothing. Her heart is breaking because of you."
I swallowed hard at his words. He was completely true. I saved it all for Bella. There wasn't another person who I thought about more than her. The others barely even flickered in my mind anymore now.
He raised his eyebrows, most likely at the look on my face.
"Your family are all there trying and you don't even care."
I did care but I had just pushed through them so much to get to Bella that I didn't see it.
With that he stood up and walked out the kitchen leaving me standing alone with my thoughts to myself once again.
Had I really became so detached?
Shifting on my feet in the kitchen in the apartment I felt the nerves swell in my stomach. This was the only distraction I seemed to have and even that wasn't doing much good.
Jasper and I had almost finished painting it as Alice flitted about the rest of the flat finishing off little things. We had all been quiet all day, Jasper and I more so than usual. I still didn't like they way he had come at me last night even if it was true.
"Finished." Jasper proudly proclaimed as Alice's attention came through to where we were.
"It looks great guys. I can't believe we got it all done so quickly." She pulled into Jaspers side, holding onto his waist and I felt the need grow in me to hold Bella like that.
It was then when I heard it, the faint rasp on the apartment door. Alice raced off to answer it and I heard a happy screech coming from her. Walking to the door I saw Bella being almost strangled by Alice as she held her in a tight hug.
Her hair was everywhere and I couldn't see her face. I looked at her trying to see her features before a cough coming from Jasper caught my attention, he had his brow rose obviously questioning my look.
Ignoring him I pulled at the strap in Bella's hand. It was a bag almost identical to the one she had the day I first saw her, out in the car park of the dorms. This bag could hold her in it.
Taking the bag I almost buckled with the weight, god knows how she had managed it up theses stairs; she must have been at it for ages.
The mass of brown hair was wiped away from her face and Alice's neck as her eyes looked up at me then to the hand that touched hers. Her fingers still grasped onto the strap and there was a small touch between us.
Her eyes were the glassy ones I had seen on Alice the day before and all I wanted to do was to pick her up and hold her close, away from everyone else.
"How are you doing Bella?" Jasper asked concerned as he reached into her, pushing me out the way and hugging her. I could have hit him for breaking our touch.
She nodded silently on his shoulder as she looked at me before she closed her eyes and relished the hug he gave her.
I wished I could have held her like that right now.
Alice had pushed past Jasper after there hug had ended and pulled Bella through the apartment to the lounge.
Bella sat back into the couch, her worn look putting years on her. She looked so tired.
"How is Billy doing?" Alice asked carefully.
She gave a small nod in response. "Better, a lot better, thanks."
"How's Jake?" she asked.
"He's doing ok, his sisters got there late last night so he will be fine with them and Charlie."
She let out a yawn and apologised for being rude. Like she could ever be rude to us.
"I know I'm just back but I really need my bed, is it ok..?" she pointed in the direction of her and Alice's room.
"Of course, is there anything you want us to get for you, some food maybe?" Jasper asked with a soft smile.
Shaking her head. "No, I'm fine. I just need sleep." Getting off the couch she reached for her bag and I quickly stood, grabbing it before she had the chance too. She smiled thanks to me before walking out of the room.
"This looks really great." She seemed to notice the apartment for the first time as she looked around the room.
"Yeh, Alice had us work pretty hard." I told her as I walked in behind her. "We got it all done."
Placing down her bag at the end of her bed I stood looking at her not knowing what to say to her. There were so many things I wanted to say but everything was stopping me. She was exhausted and she didn't need to hear me.
"I should let you get some rest, just remember that I'm sharing with you tonight…"
I needed to remind her so she wouldn't get a fright at seeing me in the middle of the night in her room, though after the past month she would surly be use to seeing me rather than Alice now.
Pulling off her coat she lay out across the bed and looked like she could have fallen asleep like that.
Heading for the door she called my name and I stopped to look at her.
She said nothing and her eyes looked away from mine. Watching her for a few more moments I silently left her too get changed and to get some sleep.
It was the back of eleven when I decided it was time for bed. Alice and Jasper had slipped off an hour ago and the rubbish on the television was doing nothing for me. Turning off the tv and lights I headed for my bed, Alice's bed. I still wasn't sure who it really belonged too, all I was sure off was the girl that would be lying in the bed next to me was Bella and it's all I cared about.
I slid out my jeans in the room, trying not to disturb her as I stumbled around in the dark.
"Edward." She whispered out and I froze on the spot.
"It's only me." I let her know.
I could see her shift up in the bed, her silhouette in the dark. I continued stripping off my t-shirt before the room was flooded with a warm glow.
Looking up at her, she shielded her eyes from the glair but still fought with it to see me.
Her hair was a mass of unruly tangles but she still looked beautiful, actually, I think the tangled heap helped.
Her eyes we still the glassy ones I had seen when she had arrived back and they made her look so innocent.
"Sorry." She mumbled, obviously at my undressed state.
I shrugged and quickly climbed under the cold covers of the bed. "How are you doing?" I asked her as I tired to warm up.
Sliding back down into her bed she looked over at me, her brown eyes, tense and lost. "I'm ok." it was the same 'ok' as on the phone last night and I could see straight through it.
Lifting up the corner of my bed covers, I silently invited her to come to me. It was her choice and I wasn't going to push her. Biting on her lip she looked across at the covers and me deciding, inside her head there was a battle, you could see it shining out from her eyes.
Silently she climbed out of her bed and got into mine as she wrapped her arms low down around my waist, her face crashing into my chest. I could feel hot tears pour from her eyes and I gripped at her tighter, letting her know I was here.
After a few moments she pulled her face out from my chest, wiping at her face and my body. "I'm sorry." She sobbed as she wiped at her cheek again.
"Don't worry about it. It's been a hard couple of days for you." She was stressed, of course tears were expected.
She pulled further away from me shaking her head. "It's been hard since I left here..."
Her hands nervously fidgeted as I ran circles across her bare shoulder in her vest top and waited for her to speak again.
"I'm sorry about how I left you. My head is just so confused I didn't know what to do." she sighed.
"…And you do now?" I asked trying to hide any joy in my voice; she was in my bed again after all.
Nodding. "Yes. I know what I want but I know what I need to do, how I need to do it..."
I didn't like the sound of that too much.
"Edward, it you. I realize that now, I do. It always was you."
"But…" I knew it was coming.
"I can't tell Jake just now, I was trying to when I was home. Things were just so different with him. You were right; if I loved him I wouldn't have done that to him. I do still love him; I'm just not in love with him."
I wanted to jump up and down at her admission, tell her that she had made the right choice that we were meant to be together.
I reached down to kiss her on the lips but she quickly pulled back and gently pushed me back with her hand on my chest. I looked at her, questioning her move. It wasn't matching up to what she was saying.
"No, Edward. We can't, not until I have told Jake the truth."
"And when will that be?" my voice accusing, I knew it wasn't going to be soon with his dad in hospital.
"I honestly don't know, when the time is right, he doesn't need it right now. Not with his dad at the moment."
I pulled away from her, rolling onto my back. Was she taking me for a ride again?
"Don't do that, please." She murmured and her arm came crashing around my waist with her head landing on my chest again.
"Do what." I asked more than a little put out by what she was telling me.
"Don't pull your self away from me, you were the one that said I needed to open my eyes, I've done it and now I'm trying to sort this out as best as I can without hurting Jacob."
"He still isn't going to like it weather you tell him just now or when his dad is better." She pulled away from me and slapped a hand down hard across my chest. I could feel the sting almost instantly.
"What the fuck…" Jumping up in my bed to face her. Her face was tear streaked and her eyes were red and swollen.
"Don't tell me when it will be best, his dad is in hospital and he is devastated. I won't tell him just now. You either take it or leave it. I know it's you I want but I refuse to do that to him."
I didn't want to hear it but I knew that all she ever wanted was for no one to get hurt, that's how we had got in so deep in the first place, going too far, because she didn't want to hurt me or him.
"Can I ask something?" I didn't want the answer but I had to know. She nodded encouraging me to ask.
"Were…were you with him when you went…" I didn't need to finish my sentence. She firm head shake answered a loud no to me.
"I…I couldn't do that to you, or him." She shrugged a little. "I couldn't be with him when I would be thinking of you." she admitted a little shyly as her head dropped down looking at her fingers, once again nervously twitching.
Reaching down I kissed her on the lips when she wasn't paying attention. At my move she jumped back quickly looking at me in horror.
"I said no." she told me firmly and my head hung in shame. I was pushing her.
"I needed to. I need you. You are all I need." I reached for her hand combing her fingers through mine and held her hand up, kissing the back of it.
"We still need to talk. Things are only going to happen between us if you agree to a few terms. I can't be all you need." She straightened herself up a little and I knew she wasn't messing around.
"Terms?" I questioned, did she think this was some contract, some kind of deal.
"That day when you opened up to me in the forest, it was amazing, it was such a big step for you. I was really proud. But I promise myself that I wasn't going to be the only one to see it, that I would help you-"
"No one else understands, Bella." The fury in my voice evident at the though that she could push me into something.
"Make them understand, you made me understand." She pushed further.
"You listened, you didn't push me or my words, you sat there and took it all in."
"Well don't let them, you have to do this, it's for your own good, you can't keep pushing these people out of your life, they are your family." she clutched our grasped hand with her free one, lending support to her words. "I can't watch you do it to them or yourself anymore."
"But it's me and you." I fought.
"It's not just us, they are there for you, you need to explain to them, maybe get some help-"
"You think I need help." I pulled my hand away from her two.
"You do." she was honest; I could hear it in her voice that she truly thought that this is what I needed. Couldn't she see all I needed was her?
"You are all I need-" I tried to argue again.
Her eyes closed and scrunched, she was getting frustrated at this argument and so was I.
"You can't just need me, I can't be the only one you talk to, it's not fair to me and it's not fair to your family."
"Why cant things just carry on as they were?" Why couldn't they, why did things have to change.
"Because what we were doing was wrong. We can't sneak around behind there backs and you can't only just lean on me."
"You want to tell them that we are together?"
She nodded. "If we do get together I can't keep it a secret, I can't lie to them anymore. Alice is my best friend and all I do is lie to her. Our friendship isn't real anymore, its just one big lie after another."
She was asking too much of me here. I knew why she was asking for it but I didn't know if it was something I could give to her as much as I wanted her.
I reached out to touch her, her hip bone peeking out from between her top and shorts. Her skin was snow white, almost as white as mine, and smooth. I gripped onto her and leaned down trying to kiss her again.
"Edward." Her tone was warning.
"I want it; I need to know that you will be true, that I get you if I do this, that it's worth it."
Her eyes fluttered closed and I reached back down to her, my lips grazing off of her soft full lips. It was exactly what I had been craving since she had left me.
I let my tongue trail across her mouth before I let my tongue reach into her mouth, tasting the small hint of toothpaste from when she had brushed her teeth earlier.
I let my hand slide up her side and the other clutching on to her other hip, pulling her into me.
She fought to stay alone, away from me but I had got her on my knee and held on to her too tight but I couldn't help it. I never wanted to let go of her again. Not when she was going to be mine now.
She gave up our battle and relaxed against me, her mouth just as desperate as mine. We took one another in, savouring every single second of her skin burning mine in our needy touch.
Pulling away she looked up at me, her eyes full of shame and guilt once again and I could only look forward to the day that I never seen it in her eyes anymore.
"We can't do that, not again." She told me firmly as she knelt up on the mattress.
I pulled at her arm, bringing her down to me again. I kissed her chastely on the lips.
"I'm not promising anything. Like I said, I'm not giving up and I'm not going to be fighting fair either." I was positive of this. As much as I hated pushing her, she had already admitted it was me she wanted. I wasn't going to give up in that for a single second. I would take all I could get out of her until she was mine.
She wasn't Jake's either anymore now. She was closing that door to the past, slowly but surely, and I would be dead bolting it when she did.
"Your sleeping with me." I ordered her as I pulled her back into my chest and griped my arm around her waist. There was no argument from Bella but if she tried, I would have made it impossible for her, like I said, I wasn't going to be playing fair. Not for a second.
A/n: still liking where the story is going? Please leave me a little review and let me know what you think! it would mean a lot. How do you see there relationship going now?
Ohh as for new moon - I havent seen it - maybe next week hopefully! xx
