The green dress didn't get to come out very often, and it was definitely a special occasion whenever it did. The light green color brought out her eyes and made her blonde hair seem even brighter. The best part, though, was the fit. Never completely abandoning her fashion sense in even the most stressful of times, Rachel had to admire the skillful tailoring. The green dress was a perfect fit. Tight enough to be flattering, but not too tight. A great choice for a night out.
"Zip me up?" Naomi looked over her shoulder at Rachel.
"Already on it." Rachel zipped up the dress, feeling oddly like a personal stylist. "So…" she started in awkwardly, breaking the already awkward silence, "You excited about your date?"
Naomi laughed a little and shrugged. "I don't know if I'm excited, exactly…I mean, Jackson is very nice, and we've been working together for awhile…but you know how these things can go."
Now it was Rachel's turn to laugh. "Um…no, actually, I have no idea how these things can go." She gave Naomi a sarcastic wave in the mirror. "Hi, it's me, Rachel."
And she didn't. Relationship aside, Rachel had no idea what it was like to meet someone at work or at school and start a casual relationship, building up slowly from…how were things supposed to build, again? Hi, nice to meet you, I like you, I love you…sex was supposed to get sandwiched in there somewhere, probably between the I like you and the I love you…but it was all really fuzzy to her, how people with normal lives managed dating.
Watching her mother get ready to go out on a date was…weird. And she felt bad for feeling weird about it. She wanted to see her mom happy, she truly did. And she didn't think it would be right for her mom to have to sneak around. Nothing remotely wrong with a single woman dating, after all. It was just…there was some part of Rachel that still envisioned her parents together, despite logic and even emotion dictating that they weren't right for each other anymore. She didn't really even fantasize about it happening, wasn't sure she truly even wanted them back together…there was just something a little sad in seeing her mom dating putting the final nail in that coffin.
There was also a little twinge of jealousy, and she felt really guilty about that. Her mom was supposed to be helping her get ready for dates, but Rachel instinctively knew that most school dances, proms, and stuff like that weren't in her future. The world wasn't going to save itself, after all. She knew her mom didn't get out a lot, didn't have a whole lot of friends or much of a social life. But she was still way ahead of Rachel in that department.
Naomi turned around to face her daughter, finished examining herself in the mirror. "So I look okay, right?"
Rachel smiled. "Yeah, you look great."
"I'm counting on you to be my fashion expert."
Rachel rolled her eyes. "I already told you, you look good. Where did you even get this dress anyway?"
Naomi sighed. "Oh, it was forever ago. I don't remember exactly where I got it. I bought it so your father and I could go to some engagement party for some of his friends that I barely knew. I was in law school then and I dipped into my rent money to try and impress him."
Rachel noticed Naomi drifting off for a minute, maybe to whatever halfway house in the corner of the mind old relationships live in, reminiscing with each other about better days.
"Anyway," she went on, "it's old."
Rachel nodded in approval. "I'm surprised it still fits, you know, with three kids and…" she stopped when she saw the look on Naomi's face. It was not fun to be on the receiving end of that look.
"Well…" she cleared her throat for a few extra seconds, buying herself some time. "Have a good time tonight."
Naomi smiled, as if the possibility of actually having a good time was just now dawning on her, and it felt good. "I will." She shifted gears back into mom mode seamlessly. "Take care of your sisters. Dinner's…"
"I know," Rachel interrupted. "Dinner's in the freezer. All I have to do is heat it up. And I think I can make sure Jordan and Sarah don't kill each other for a few hours...or however long your date lasts, I mean."
The ensuing pause was brief, but the awkwardness could have stretched across oceans. Rachel and Naomi trying to have a conversation about dating wasn't the blind leading the blind. It was the blind tripping over each other and knocking over everything in the room.
"Well, okay then," Naomi said, giving her daughter a hug that Rachel thought was completely unnecessary.
"Okay," Rachel said, confused as she broke the hug. "Have fun." She gave Naomi a little half-wave.
"I'll try to."
Naomi gave a tight smile and left Rachel's room, only lingering at the door for a few seconds. After she was gone, Rachel popped in some headphones and flopped down on her bed. She wanted the music to drown out the peculiar mix of hopefulness for her mother and self-pity for her own uniquely screwed up existence. Instead, the music just mixed with the emotion and she felt stuck lying there, jumbled feelings hammering with the baseline.
