.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended.
Huge hugs to Snarkymuch and Gredelina1 for sharing their awesome beta skills and to Arrr, Mary-Alice-Brandon-Cullen and Augustmoon99 for pre-reading.
This chapter is dedicated to .twilight2, Lyta7, vampireanimegurl, maruxf, iwantavampire, Rachaelc1994, NoOneWillSurrenderTonight, pandamonium69 and BookishQua as they knew the song was Mad World by Tears For Fears.
Also to rocket-runner for writing me such an awesomely detailed review I had to take a bathroom break halfway through reading it.
You may want to have a Kleenex handy for this chapter; it make Gredelina1 cry when she read it.
Chapter Twenty Eight - Watching Rainbows
Jasper POV
I was walking back to the house with the others, running over the previous night's training session in my mind. The wolves were learning fast, Leah in particular, she was a fearsome fighter. I was considering pairing her with Rosalie in the actual fight, they would make a good team, when I felt it.
Jasper, I need you, please, I need you.
Bella!
I ran to the house at my full speed, not bothering with the door I leapt to the balcony outside her room and dashed through the doors.
Emmett and Alice were standing together at the other side of the room, both exuding huge levels of guilt, but I didn't pay them any attention. Bella was finally talking.
"I'm here, darlin'," I said breathlessly, the run had had no effect on my breathing; it was sheer excitement that made me gasp. I took her hand in my own and squeezed it gently. "I'm here, calm yourself down and tell me what's wrong."
It came in a series of bursts, some letters missing in her haste to talk, but I understood anyway.
Alice, Emmett, go Rio, find Edward, force home, no, not right, no, no, no, no.
The last word was repeated with increasing desperation.
"Okay," I soothed, "I understand. You calm down now."
'So sorry.'
"I know, darlin', me too. We'll talk about this later, you rest a while."
'Okay.'
I turned my attention to Alice and Emmett who were looking at me with expressions of complete bemusement.
"What's this about Rio then?" I asked. "You two been holding out on the rest of us?"
Emmett gaped like a fish, looking from me to Alice and completely leaving Bella out of the equation. "How did you know? Did you hear us?"
"No, but Bella did."
"How?" Alice said incredulously.
"How do you think?" I said, annoyed now.
I could hear the sounds of the others approaching the house and decided to wait for them to complete my explanation. It was about time they all understood.
Rosalie was first into the room, she looked from me to Bella excitedly. "Is she?"
"Yep," I said with a wide grin.
"Oh, Bella." She fell into the chair beside Bella and took her hand. "We've missed you."
'Hi, Rose.'
"She says hi," I informed her, and Rosalie's smile was dazzling.
Carlisle and Esme came into the room, both looking concerned, Carlisle went straight to the monitor beside Bella, checking the readout.
"Jasper, what happened?" Esme asked. "Why did you run away like that?"
"I'll explain in a moment," I said, then turned to Alice. "How long ago did you finish your conversation about Rio and Edward?"
"Edward, Rio! What...?" Esme began, but I waved her into silence.
"Alice?" I prodded.
"A least half an hour ago," she said.
"Carlisle, how long ago did I leave you?"
"No more than five minutes," he said.
Alice mouthed soundlessly, too shocked to form words.
"You… She… Huh?" Emmett gasped. "I don't understand."
"You will, first of all what's this about Rio?" I asked.
Alice fidgeted uncomfortably. "I saw something in a vision that made me think Edward is in Rio."
"Why didn't you tell us?" Carlisle asked, his voice steeped in disappointment. "I asked you, and you said you hadn't seen anything. Why did you lie?"
"I didn't lie," she said, shocked to the core by Carlisle's words. She had never been on the receiving end of his disappointment before. "I only saw it yesterday and I didn't know what to do, it was only a quick glimpse of him. Emmett and I were talking and it just slipped out."
"That doesn't explain why you didn't tell us what you had seen," Esme said.
"I'm sorry," Alice said sincerely. "I know you are worried about him, but if you knew, you would have wanted to go and find him, and with Victoria to deal with I didn't think it good for us to be separated."
"We would have discussed it as a family," Carlisle said, but I had another question, as it seemed so did Rosalie.
"What were you and Emmett planning then?" she asked.
"Emmett was going to go and try to find him."
'No, no, no, no!' Bella sent rapidly.
"It's okay, darlin', nobody is going anywhere," I reassured her.
Rosalie sitting at her other side squeezed her hand. "Relax, we won't do anything you don't want to. I promise."
Bella's emotions showed her relief.
Esme was watching us sympathetically; clearly she thought we were in the grips of our delusion. Carlisle on the other hand seemed to be catching on, his emotions spiralling between shock and uncertainty. He suspected the truth, but was unable to accept it.
"How did you know what they were planning?" Carlisle asked gently. "You couldn't have heard them from the distance we were at, and they said they discussed it long before we got back."
I opened my mouth to speak, but Bella began sending and I found myself repeating her words instead of the explanation I was trying to articulate.
'But never, in the nearly four hundred years since I was born, have I ever seen anything to make me doubt whether God exists in some form or…'
Bella broke off, I expected her to slip into the void, she must be exhausted, but she continued.
'…the other. Not even the reflection in the mirror.'
Carlisle's mouth dropped open, his expression slack as his emotions cycled between shock and tremendous guilt.
"You can't know that," he said, finally mastering himself. "You weren't there, nobody else was there."
"Carlisle, what are you talking about, what's happened?" Esme asked, caressing his face gently.
"Bella's birthday… when I was stitching her arm, we were talking…"
"And that is what you told her," I finished for him. He nodded mutely.
"How could you have known that?" Esme said. "You were hunting with the others; even I didn't hear him say that."
"I didn't hear it," I said with a broad grin. "Bella did, and she just told me."
'Now do you believe?' she asked.
I repeated her words and Carlisle let out a broken sob, pressing her hand to his face and rocking gently.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" he chanted.
'I know.'
I gripped his shoulder. "That's what she's feeling," I explained, letting him feel her happiness. His rocking increased, and as he sobbed, inarticulate words broke through. "I didn't… sorry… oh god… please forgive…"
I nodded to Rosalie, and she came behind him and together we led him to a chair away from Bella. I was concerned that he may lose grip on his emotions again and Bella may be unintentionally affected. I need not have worried though, once he was away from her he drew in a deep breath and never taking his eyes from Bella he said, "Please explain."
'Esme?'
"She's coming," I said, and took Esme's hand and placed it in Bella's. "Talk to her," I instructed.
"Bella?" she said uncertainly, and again Bella's emotions became blissful. I held Esme's hand and again allowed the feeling to flow through me, this time into Esme.
"Oh, sweetheart." She seemed unable to say more, she just looked at Bella with an expression that was almost worshipful, it was an expression I had seen before, but I couldn't place it.
"Bella is aware," I said, beginning the long overdue explanation. "She has been intermittently aware this whole time. After I felt her the first time we developed a way of communicating through her emotions, now she is able to send her emotions well enough for us to use Morse code."
"You mean she's talking to you now?" Emmett asked, his expression gleeful. "Bella can you hear me?" he almost bellowed the last, his excitement lending his voice volume.
'Yes, I'm in a coma, not deaf.'
Her mirth affected me and I burst into hysterics. "She said yes," I said once my laughter had diminished to low chuckles.
'Liar.'
"My apologies," I said, then addressed Emmett. "She said: Yes, I'm in a coma, not deaf."
Emmett roared with laughter. "Oh, Bella, I've missed you so much."
'Me too.'
Emmett gripped my other hand, feeling her emotions for himself. "This is so cool!" he announced.
'Alice?' Bella asked, and I looked across the room.
Alice was standing beside Carlisle her hand on his shoulder, I gestured her over, but she didn't move. "Alice, what's wrong?" I asked. Emmett felt Bella's disappointment and turned to glare at Alice.
"Come on!" he mouthed and she shook her head frantically.
'Doesn't matter,' Bella sent though her sadness.
"Oh yes it does," I said firmly.
"What does?" Emmett questioned. "Man I've got to learn Morse code."
"I'll be right back," Rosalie said annoyed. Then she stood, and gripping Alice's arm she dragged her out onto the balcony. "What the hell is wrong with you," she demanded.
"I can't!" Alice said. They were both careful to keep their voice too low for Bella to hear, but the rest of us heard every word.
"Can't what? Can't admit you were wrong? Can't get over yourself long enough to go to your so-called best friend and give her comfort. Or do you still think we're lying?"
"Of course I believe you," Alice wailed, this time loud enough for Bella to hear, I felt her jolt of shock. "But how can I go to her after all the things I've said, all the things I've done?"
"You suck it up and get over it," Rosalie said harshly. "You go in there and talk to your best friend, or you go hide in the woods. Your choice, but know if you hide, Bella will not be so forgiving. You may have missed it while you were refusing to believe the truth, but Bella has changed. She's not the same girl we left behind."
'Tired now,' she seemed tired, the words came slowly, sluggishly, but I suspected it was more than that. She didn't want to face Alice's rejection and was using the darkness to escape further hurt.
"Okay, darlin', you have a rest. I will be here when you wake, I promise."
Like the flicking of a switch her emotions disappeared, leaving the calm void.
"What the hell was that? What's wrong with her?" Emmett asked frantically.
Carlisle jumped to his feet and dashed to my side, gripping my arm. "Why can't I feel her?" he asked.
"She's just resting," I explained. I remembered my own fear when I had first felt her emotions flick off like that, it was unnerving.
"What do you mean resting?" Emmett said."She's in a coma for fuck's sake, it doesn't get more restful than that!"
I laughed. "It tires her out to send her emotions like that, she has to rest a while, and that means going into the darkness."
"The darkness?" Esme questioned. "That doesn't sound pleasant."
"I don't understand it all that well myself," I explained. "I think she was moving in and out of the void ever since the attack but I didn't realize it. The first time I felt her she was frustrated, but it was very subtle, when she really pushed the emotions it put strain on her heart."
"Is that what caused the tachycardia?" Carlisle asked. "Has she been pushing the emotions again?"
"No," I said regretfully, I knew what I had to say next would increase their feelings of guilt, but it had to be said. "She hasn't spoken at all since she heard about Renee's death. She has been aware for short periods of time, but was not speaking."
Esme looked horrified. "This is our fault, if we had just believed you…"
"It is done now," I said. "She is talking again and that is good. I think she may have developed some control over the darkness as she was unaware for increasingly long periods of time. I think she used it to escape."
"If that is not what caused the problems with her heart, what did?" Emmett asked.
I had no idea, but Rosalie seemed to know something, her emotions were guarded as she stepped back in the room, trailed by a repentant Alice.
"I don't think there will be anymore problems with her heart," she said. "You'll still want to run your tests, Carlisle, but I doubt there will be any more tachycardia."
"What do you know, Rose?" I asked.
"Nothing I want to share," she said firmly, and when I opened my mouth to speak she cut me off. "Just trust me please, all of you."
How could I refuse her when she had been the only to believe in me when I said Bella was still there? Despite that I wanted to know, I needed to know.
"Please, Jasper," she implored.
"If it becomes relevant you will tell us?" I asked.
She nodded, looking relieved. "I promise."
Carlisle looked at her searchingly for a moment then nodded too. "Now we need to discuss your vision, Alice, and what we are going to do about it."
We all settled into chairs and in Esme's case the edge of Bella's bed, she held her hand, looking down at her with that same unknown expression.
"As I said, I think he's in Rio, if we could get close enough for him to read our thoughts," she exchanged a look with Emmett. "I think we will be able to bring him home."
"That's wonderful," Esme said, still not taking her eyes from Bella. "Who will go? I suppose I am the obvious choice, we all know I am not any good here as a fighter, this is something I can do that will really help."
Discussions for and against Esme being the one to go ensued, and I held my silence for a moment to allow them to get it out of their system.
"Nobody is going to Rio," I said finally. "Bella doesn't want him here. That was what made her break her silence today. Her panic was so intense that I felt it all the way out in the woods."
"But surely once she talks to him–" Esme began, but I cut her off.
"No, she doesn't want him here, and we are going to respect that. She has zero control over her own life at the moment; she can't even control her own damn breathing. Everything is taken from her control, and this is the one request she has made of us. We will honor it."
There was a short silence as they digested my words, the rhythmic beeping of the monitor and the mechanical hiss as air was forced in and out of her lungs, serving to punctuate my words.
"I agree," Carlisle said eventually, his expression solemn. "We will respect her wishes, but I would like to speak to her with your assistance, Jasper, when she is aware again."
"As long as she doesn't mind, that's fine with me," I said, then smiled. "She'll probably be pleased to have someone else to talk to for a change, I bet she's tired of hearing Rosalie and I speak."
There was a burst of laughter that broke the tense atmosphere. The relief in everyone apparent. Alice suddenly gasped, drawing all eyes to her.
"The wolves, I forgot about them, I think they are on their way as our futures go blank in about thirty minutes."
"That gives us just enough time for a walk in the garden," I said, holding out my hand to her. She looked reluctant, but took it and together we jumped from the balcony to the garden.
I led her to the river and sat down on the bank where I had spoken to Rosalie what felt like months ago. I couldn't believe how much things had changed in the space of the last hour, now they knew the truth and Bella was talking, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my chest. I could breathe easy again.
"I am so sorry, Jasper," Alice said dropping to sit beside me. "I should have believed you, trusted you. Can you forgive me?"
"I can forgive you anything, you're my mate and I love you." She opened her mouth to speak, but I held a hand up. "I can forgive you, but I am not the only one you hurt. Rosalie wasn't wrong; Bella has changed. I think she will forgive you in time, but you need to speak to her."
"I don't know what to say!" she said desperately.
"I'd start with sorry, and then explain what happened, why you couldn't talk to her."
"I really screwed this up didn't I?" she said sadly.
"Yes, I'm not going to lie to you Alice, you need to fix some stuff. Including your relationship with Rosalie. You have been jealous." Her head snapped up to look at me. "No point denying it, darlin', you were jealous, and that made you treat her pretty shabbily."
I felt a new emotional 'voice' in the house and smiled. "Bella's back, shall we go see her?"
She didn't answer, but jumped to her feet and ran for the house.
"I'll take that as a yes," I said chuckling.
I made my way into the house and to Bella's room. Carlisle was sitting beside Bella, holding her hand. Rosalie and Emmett were sharing a chair both reading a book, and Esme was sitting at Bella's other side stroking her hair back from her face.
The emotional climate in the room was serene and happy, such a welcome change from the tension of the last few weeks that I reveled in it. I watched Esme stroking Bella's hair, and noted the same expression on Carlisle's face as hers.
Their golden eyes gazed down upon her, and they seemed to create their own light from within. I finally recognized where I had seen it before.
It was the face of a parent looking at their newborn baby.
So there it is, now they all know. I hope it was worth the wait. I know it was frustrating for you all to read the Cullens acting like such dumbasses all this time but it was the way the plot worked out. Don't blame me, blame the bunny.
Thank you to everyone that read the last chapter, especially those of you that reviewed, I appreciated every one. I have a new selection of lyrics for you to take a look at. Same rules apply; whoever guesses the song will get the next chapter dedicated to them. Good luck.
~ It's all good luck charms, all trying to understand, and deep inside we will always hope for the worst. You say you keep them close but they're closer than you think ~
