Chapter 29

"Do you think papa is going to be ready to talk to me yet?"

Sybil had spent the majority of the afternoon in her room. She felt as if she was in exile from her family.

Ever since Mary had said what she did she had felt sick. The two of them had been through so much together – for her to say she was on her own made her release the extent of her sisters anger. She was sure it was going to blow over though – for it had too.

But it had hurt nevertheless.

Mary had left her not so long after. She had said to her that she had to go down to Crawley house to tell her fiancée and his mother to tell them she was alright. They had been afraid for her. She was beginning to understand that her behaviour had had far reaching consequences and she was sorry for them. But still – she knew if she had to then she would have done it again. And hoped she had got away.

But as it was she was in her baby brother's room with her mother.

Cora had gone to Robert to get some rest. She felt as if she was unable to lie down. She had wanted to be with some one who as not going to talk on and on at her. But her boy's sweet smiles were most welcome.

As ever (so it had seemed these days), baby Robert was her go to person. She did not think he was ever going to understand what a comfort he had been to her since the war had begun. How many times he had been the one who had soothed her.

"Your papa is beyond exhausted and has gone to his dressing room for a lie down. He will come to you when he is ready to talk to you and not before. I hope you are ready for the scolding of your life from him."

Sybil nodded. She was.

"Mama, I – I do love Tom."

"I know you do – I know," Cora found the strength to say from deep within her.

She knew it was going to be hard for her husband to accept but as long as her daughter was healthy and by her side she felt as if she was going to be able to take anything,

Even if it was her love for a chauffeur.

"Do you think he is ever going to be able to forgive me? Are you ever going to be able to forgive me?"

Cora's looked at Sybil. It was strange. She had always thought as the elder two who were going to give her and Robert the most trouble.

Until Sybil had discovered politics, she had been free spirited but she supposed she had always seen her youngest daughter as far too sweet and considerate to Cause either of her parents any real distress.

But she had been wrong.

Could she forgive her daughter? Yes. Yes, she was able to forgive her. She was her baby girl.

Of course she was able to but...

Cora nodded. "But it is going to take us all a little time and, my darling, you will have to allow for that. Papa has so little time."

"I know – and I do regret spoiling his leave I do. But mama... the police won't continue to go after Tom will they? Papa will call them off now that I am home?"

"I cannot say."

"He has done nothing wrong!"

"That is not ever going to be the case in your father's eyes and I expressively forbid you from saying that in front of him. What time he has left, let him use it to rest. Have some pity, Sybil, for my sake if not for his."

It was not often that Sybil actually felt that her parents truly treated her as a child now – but she did then. She had been told she had to expect the scolding of her life but she felt as if she had had it already.

XXX

Mary Crawley took a very slow walk down to Crawley house that day. She was eager to get there but not so much to get back.

She did not think she was ever going to be able to say how grateful she was to Matthew for coming back when he had. She did not like to think how hard it would have been to get through the last few days had she not had the support of the man who she loved.

Arriving, her coat was taking by Beth and she was shown in to the living room.

"My darling," Matthew said as he got up from where he had been sitting in the arm chair.

"Hello. I bring good tidings for you and Cousin Isobel: Sybil is home, she returned with her tail between her legs this morning."

A look of utter and pure relief came over Matthew's features. "Oh thank god – mother!" he called as he stepped forward to embrace his wife to be.

"I do not know if this is quite appropriate for the two of you to be alone," Mrs Crawley said as she came in to the room. She was about to add that she would concede under the circumstances when she saw Mary's face.

"Sybil is home!" Matthew re-laid the happy news.

"Oh thank god," the nurse said as she rang for tea and sat down. "Is she alright?"

"I think that is an optimistic assessment – unhurt, but in disgrace with mama and papa, of course," Mary added as she stepped back and took the seat next to the women who would one day be her mother in law.

"Cousin Robert and Cousin Cora took it awfully hard. They are going to need time to recover their nerves."

"As are Mary and Edith."

"Yes– I think it has been harder one Edith than she has admitted. And now – "

"And now?" Matthew queried.

Mary held her tongue. She had not forgotten what Edith had told her about Strallan in their sister's bed room and she was loathed to think of the two of them allowing this opportunity to pass them by. Anthony and Edith should be at given the chance to resolve things at least. At the very least.

And after everything, she wanted to say sorry to him too. But she did not think that was something she could reasonably burden them with.

"And now you have to tell me something I do not know. Something which is going to take my mind off Sybil for the first time in days."

"Well, I am afraid I have news which is like to do that but I do not know how welcomed it is going to be."

"Oh, I do not like the sounds of this already."

"It is nothing too awful – except I am going to have to go to London next week."

"For long?"

"Just the week, two at the most."

"What is it about?"

"The army want the lawyers to go to some seminars to understand the issues we are going to come up against over the next few months – conscientious objectors, how prisoners should be used in the forces if at all, things like that."

"Well – that certainly puts our troubles he in perspective. When are you due to go?"

"New Years Day – I will not go any earlier." He wanted to spend the night with her.

He was sorry, however that he had said anything by the time the tea was served for she looked as if she was very pensive.

"It is really nothing to worry about, my darling."

"No – I know it is nothing to worry about Matthew – but I was just wondering how would you feel about a travelling companion? Possibly two?"

XXX

Robert Crawley did not remember the last time he had been sent to bed in the day for a nap and in spite of all he had been through of late, he could not say he was proud of the fact his wife had felt it was necessary for him to do so that day. Not only that, but it did feel as if it was a waste of time when he knew he was going to get so little over the coming year with his family. It seemed to those on the front line that things were becoming clearer. There was going to be no quick fix for what they were going through and they had to expect to be on the front line for some time to come.

And so he told himself, he had to get past the last forty right hours but he knew it was not going to be as easy as that. If he had had a boy sooner perhaps he would have been sterner but he had never liked telling off his daughters. They were his little ones – especially his youngest girl.

But she had to be punished – even if the last thing he wanted to do when he was home was to punish her.

But it could not now be avoided. She could not get away with it.

Having got into bed at just past eleven, he rose at three and rang for his valet to come to him. Bates was a good man and he knew his habits well. He knew when his master was up for a discussion and when he was there simply to do the job he was employed to do. That day it was the latter and he did not think John was able to reasonable blame him for that.

By the time that he was dressed again, he went downstairs into the library to find that afternoon tea had been laid up but her ladyship was not going to be present for it. Apparently Cora had taken the baby out for a stroll and they were not going to be back until gone four o'clock.

Mary, as far as he knew, had calmed Sybil or at least put her in her room before she had gone to give the news to Matthew. He had no idea where poor old Edith was.

He had been sitting the library when he heard a knock on the door. He had supposed it was one of the housemaids bringing the remainder of the tea in, but when he turned he found that was not the case.

And he was reminded that he was not the only one in his house with troubles at the moment.

"How are you, Daisy?" he asked the kitchenmaid. He had no idea why she was still allowed to work, let alone serve the tea. He would have thought she was going to take a few days for herself.

The young women looked at him and he saw her blush. She had had to ask Mr. Carson if she could just this once take the tea up. She had been told that she could not, gently, before she had explained to him and Mrs. Hughes why she had been so desperate to do the job. Once the housekeeper was on her side, the butler had soon had to relent.

"I am ok, my lord – I am so sorry to trouble you today. I know it is the last thing you need but I am so happy that Lady Sybil is home and she is ok," Daisy said it as if it was the only thing in the world that mattered.

Robert's mind jumped to wondering what Daisy would do if she could say that about her William - but no – there was no comparison. Not really.

"As am I," he said with a sad smile. For all his anger he had to be glad things had worked out the way that they had – things could be much, much worse than they were at that moment.

"I was just wondering – my lord, I was speaking to Mrs. Patmore about my Wil-" she swallowed as she tried and failed to say the name of the man she had held dearer than any other in the word.

"Go on, Daisy."

"You see, I know we are not going to get his body back. He is going to be buried where he fell but I was just wondering if you and Lady Grantham would mind very much if I brought a tree – could I plant it? It'd just be a few seeds to start with. I just – I need to do something, somewhere to remember my – my William – and this is the only home I have," she said as two tears streaked unbidden on to her cheeks for the first time that day.

"I think that is a lovely idea. Yes, of course – we should hold a type of memorial for William. And soon for I would like to attend," he had been a son of Downton and he deserved to be remembered with honours.

"Thank you my lord," the kitchen maid said before scurrying off back to the domain where she felt most comfortable.

Robert was not the only person in the house with a broken heart. And he had to remember that he thought as he looked to the ceiling before putting his heads in his hands.

When Cora had seen their daughter it had been so easy for her to throw her arms about her. It had been the most natural thing in the world. But he was not by natural overly affectionate. Yes, he would hold any of his family in private. He adored being close to his wife and he loved having his son in his arms.

But the elder his girls got, the harder it was for him, or so it had seemed that afternoon.

He had been about to get up and go when they was once more a knock upon his door.

Cowardly, he was glad of it.

"Come in!" he called as he poured his tea. There was no footman to do it for him now, he thought sadly as the door opened.

"You look better," he heard Mary say as he turned to look at his first born.

"I had a rest – I am much more gathered now. I am most sorry you had to see me get into a state. It was not what Edith or you needed after all you girls have been through. I am sorry."

"Not at all – I think after all we went through it is a surprise we are not still sobbing on the floor," she said with a shrug.

"Tea?"

"Yes please, papa," she said as she sat down and let him wait on her. Once she had removed her hat, gloves and coat, she looked back at him. "Papa, if you did wrong and had a way to fix it, you would take it wouldn't you?"

"Well, of course," he said with a nod.

"Can you help me put something I did wrong, right in that case?"

Robert's forehead furrowed. "I do not know if I can stand any more to hear of what you and your sisters have done wrong."

Mary gave an amused smile.

"What would I have to do to help you set your wrong to rights?"

"Nothing much. Just give Edith and I permission to travel to London New Year's Day with Matthew."

"But I myself don't leave till the forth."

"So then you are going to get a few days with mama and Sybil and Robert by yourself – but it is necessary I and Edith go. Truly, it is. Papa, do you remember the garden party?"

"What? On the day the war broke out? Yes, I think I can be relied upon to remember that, dear heart."

"Well, that was the day Sir Anthony told Edith he was going to propose – and then he did not. Not because he did not want to. But because I was angry and jealous of Edith and I put him off."

"Jealous of Edith with Strallan?"

"No – not of Sir Anthony – but for another reason which is not important. The point is papa I might have destroyed forever the happiness of my sister if I do not get the chance to set things right. Matthew has got go up to London for work, Anthony is there on leave. Please allow Edith and I to go. Please, papa. I would not ask if I did not feel I had too."

He looked at those brown eyes of his daughters and he knew he was going to be able to deny her nothing. Not when she had asked so sweetly.

And he knew Edith had mourned loss of Strallan. He was a good man – a brave man, and older man too but that did not impinge upon his honour. If Edith really wanted to go to his side, then he did not suppose he had a right to stop her.

"If I could wave a magic wand and have you all as small girls again, running around the place and terrorizing poor Carson every chance you got then, I would wave it in a heartbeat."

"I know you would," said Mary as she got up and put her arms around him in sympathy. "I know, Papa."

XXX

Robert walked into his youngest daughter's room slowly having knocked on the door. He found Sybil at her vanity, sitting quietly, a book in front of her.

She looked quite sorry for herself. Anna had clearly been up for her hair was tidy, she was in different clothes to the ones she had returned in and generally, she looked like his daughter once more.

Going over to the chair that sat by her vanity, he took it, seating himself in front of her away from the windows.

Silence. Looking at the book, he sighed. "'A Little Princess.' Mama loved reading that to the three of you when you were little."

"I know," she whispered.

"I was always more of a Beatrix Potter man myself," he mused. "Mary loved Peter Rabbit, but you always wanted me to read the Flopsy Bunny."

Sybil smiled at the memory as a tear leaked down her cheek.

"Why are you crying, child?"

"Because I feel so guilty when I – Papa, I know I went about everything the wrong way. I did not mean to distress mama, or you, or my sisters."

"Or your brother – don't think he did not feel the effect of what you did just because he is a baby. I assure you he did."

She nodded. "I know."

"I would be lying if I did not say how bitterly disappointed I am in you. I always thought you valued your family."

"I do."

"I thought you cared more than your sisters."

"Papa, I do! I just – " she shut her eyes. "I have broken so many rules lately that I do not suppose it matters if I break one more of mamas. I love Tom. I did not do what I did because I don't care. But because I care. Very much."

"And you have no love in your heart for me I suppose? He has utterly displaced me in your affections."

Sybil shook her head. "Papa you are not listening."

"I wish I was able to say that you were wrong but no, I do not suppose I am right now," he said as he got up. "I have spoken to Clarkson. He knows not to expect you for a while."

"What do you mean?" she asked as she looked at the back of his head.

"I do not think you can handle the responsibility of the task you set yourself. Not if you go running off. There is a war on and Clarkson needs to be able to trust his staff is going to be able to turn up in the mornings."

"Tom is gone, if that not enough? Not you take me job from me!"

"You can still do war work. You can knit and you can sew and you can help mama when she holds fund raisers. But until such a time your mama is able to trust you once more you will not be going to the hospital!"

Robert had been trying to think of what to do all morning. When he had thought of the idea of the hospital – it had made sense.

He and Cora had spoiled her. The mad clothes, the politics, the job. It was time she remembered who was in charge. It was a bloody business but there was nothing else for it.

This silly nonsense had to end. He was slightly saddened. He had felt such pride in his daughter.

"This ban is not going to last forever," he said to her. And indeed he had every confidence she was going to go back to the cottage hospital.

But Cora had to be allowed to recover first, and he wanted her to have the authority she needed over Sybil while he was gone.

But for his daughter it brought no comfort. Tears ran down her face. "I've lost everything."

Everything that had made her who she was over the past few months. All the things which had kept her sane when her father was so far away.

She could not wish he was back on the front line. But she wished he was not at Downton.

"No. The poor kitchen maid is the one who has lost everything."

XXX

"Can you give this note to Lady Sybil, Anna?" asked Gwen as she passed the envelope to her. She was glad Mrs. Hughes was generous enough to allow her to borrow some stationary. Somehow, she felt as if she should not just go without saying goodbye to her but there was no chance of her getting back upstairs.

"Of course, I will. I'll take it up with me when I go to get her changed tonight," Anna said with a smile.

"Thank you. You'll let me know how she is getting on as well?"

"Yes. Don't worry about her too much. This is all going to blow over soon enough now she is home and safe," the head housemaid smiled as the two of them walked towards the door of the servant's entrance.

"And what about you? How are you, Anna?" the two of them had spent so much of the day in sorrow that she had barely given a thought to how her best friend in the world was.

"Oh, I have nothing to complain about. Nothing at all. John and I are happy enough."

"John? You call him by his Christian name now?"

"As it befitting for fiancées," she gave a smile. "We are engaged to be married. And we will be married. Just as soon as we can find John's wife and get him divorced." Which so far they had not had a lot of luck with but it had to change in the end, she thought to herself, with a smile: for she was not going to give up till she had a ring on her finger.

"Well, that is good news. And I hope you manage too soon, my dearest, dearest Anna."

The two of them embraced before the head housemaid saw her old friend out in to the cold of the winter's nights.

What a day it had been.

XXX

"Pack for London," said Mary as she walked through Edith's bedroom door to see her sister reading by the window. Edith looked as tired as she felt but that was set to change now, thought Mary.

"Pardon?"

"I've squared it with papa, don't worry. We leave New Years Day and you can spend Anthony's leave with him. Me and Matthew will accompany you so there is going to be impropriety."

"I still don't understand."

"Just take a moment to do so then," the eldest Crawley sister stood before her

"No – why, Mary? Why would you do that?"

"Because you are not the only one who feels guilty for their past behaviour. And it is time we put these things to right," Mary mused quietly, more to herself than to sibling. "We have been sisters for over twenty years, Edith. It's high time we started acting like it."

The two pairs of brown eyes matched and they shared a smile. If she had known it was going to feel this good to be kind to her sister, then she would have started doing it years ago thought Mary as she left the room as fast as she had come in to it.

She had to say she was quite looking forward to going to London. She always missed it when she was not there and she did miss her aunt Rosamond.

Until she had met Matthew, she always felt that she was going to end up quite like her. Well, that had changed now. But she still admired her.

She had been on her own room to begin thinking about what she was going to get Anna to pack for her when she heard sobbing. And softened as she was by her good deed for Edith, she was not able to just walk by when she could hear her baby sister was in distress.

Going into Sybil's room, she saw she was curled up in her bed looking as wretched as they had all felt when she had been gone. Mary softened further. She had heard something about her sister no longer being allowed down to the hospital until her mother said otherwise. And she knew that no matter what, she did love Tom. She had known that longer than anyone else in the house.

Sitting on the side of her sister's bed, Mary sighed. She so wanted to be angry with her for what she had done, but the two of them were not only sister's – they were friends.

And no matter what anyone said, she did have a heart. A rather big one actually.

Putting her arms about her sister as she laid down next to her, she sighed. She was home. She was safe.

"Oh Mary..."

"Shh, darling Sybil. Just try and get some sleep. Things will seem better in the morning," Mary heard Cora's voice come out of her mouth.

The two of them lay there together for a long while together, saying nothing. And Sybil realised she was not alone.

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