Who Knows
Miranda left the parking lot and went home. She changed quickly before she headed to the hospital. She needed somewhere to hide and she needed to take her mind off of everything. In the car, she called her doctor to make an appointment for later in the day. They weren't taking anymore appointments, but when her doctor found out that it was her, she made some time. Miranda was grateful. Going into the hospital, she figured that she could do or at least scrub in on a small procedure and then get across town for her appointment. She checked the OR board, The Chief was heading into OR 2 in fifteen minutes to do a Whipple. Excitement-induced butterflies danced in her stomach. She headed for OR 2; she would catch him outside of the room and ask if she could help. She almost felt like a resident again, working her way onto surgeries. "Chief!" She said as he walked down the hall.
"Bailey? What are you doing here?" He said with a smile.
"I was just in the building and wondered if you could use some help on that Whipple," Miranda held the scrub room door open for him.
"Sure, Bailey. Actually," he started, "if you could do it, I have a skills lab to teach."
"Sure!" Miranda said a little more eagerly than she meant to. "I mean, yes."
He leaned towards her smiling. "I'm showing the knuckleheads how to do a transgastric approach." She could see in his eyes that he was really excited about teaching. He didn't get to do it often because he was always swamped with administrative work. His hectic schedule and life sometimes made her question if she even wanted to be Chief of Surgery at Grey Sloan. But then she saw how her mentor inspired her and her colleagues and she knew that it was a job worth having if she could get it. "Unless you want to do that."
"Definitely not. I will take the Whipple. Thank you, sir."
Miranda scrubbed in, readying her mind for the surgery. Her phone rang in her pocket. She ignored it. She knew it was Ben. He'd already called her five times, sent seven text messages and left two voice messages. It stopped ringing and her phone buzzed, make that three voice messages. "Alright, people, let's do this," Miranda said smiling behind her mask while someone helped her with her gloves. She stepped up on a box so that she could see over the body and said: "Bokhee, 10 blade, please."
"Great work, Miranda," Bokhee said walking to the door together.
"Thanks, Jessica," she answered.
"I couldn't help noticing that you weren't your usual chatty self," Bokhee said. "What's up?"
"Just some stuff on my mind. I'm good. Thanks for asking though."
Bokhee's name rang out of the hospital's intercom. "Well, I hope everything works out."
The nurse squeezed her shoulder and walked away. Miranda walked to the nearest on-call room and locked the door. She took her phone out of her pocket. There was a new voice message from Ben. She listened to the first message: "Baby! I'm sorry. We need to talk—no, mom. Close the door, please. Thank you. Sorry, we need to talk and I love you."
She clicked the second one: "Where are you? Just text me. Tell me you're alright. I love you, Miranda."
Someone jiggled the door handle of the room and knocked on the door. She ignored them as she listened to the next one, the last one she'd received before going into surgery: "I, uh, I know you're at the hospital. I know your people. I know where you hang out." Miranda smiled as he continued: "Maybe I'll see you when I come in for my shift tonight. Call me please. When you get out of surgery, just call me. It is my fault." She nodded, feeling bad for the pain that she heard in his voice. "I will explain. Everything. And if you're wondering about my mom—I… I hadn't talked to her before. I didn't get a chance to. Everything was so hectic." His voice lowered. "But I did today. I sat her down and I made it clear, very clear that—" The message ended abruptly. She really wanted to know about the conversation that he'd had with his mom. She hoped that she wasn't dividing them. That's not the kind of girlfriend she wanted to be. Miranda licked her lips before listening to the last one. "Miranda, I was going to tell you. I promise." It was so short and simple. And his confession made the hairs on her body stand up. She scrolled through the text messages that he'd sent. They were all long and said about the same things as the voicemails. She read them over several times and debated whether or not she should call her boyfriend. A part of her was so angry at him and didn't want to talk to him at all. Another part, knew she was a hypocrite because she hadn't told Ben everything that was going on with her. The last part of her wanted to give him a chance to explain. She looked at her watch. Her appointment was in an hour, she could go home, shower and eat and still make it to her doctor's office on time. As Miranda drove home, she realized how nervous she was for this appointment. She didn't know what was wrong or what was about to happen.
Walking into the office, she went to the receptionist's desk. "Hi. Four o'clock appointment for Bailey comma Miranda with Dr. Scott."
"Yes, Ms. Bailey. Dr. Scott will be right with you. You can wait in the examination room."
"Thank you," Miranda said pulling her purse up on her shoulder.
"You can follow me," the girl at the front said.
"I know how to get there," Miranda snapped. She instantly felt bad. "I mean, unless she's changed offices, I know where it is. Thank you." The girl nodded and left.
Miranda went down the hallway. She went into the room labeled "A. Scott 108" and closed the door. She put her phone on silent and took off her clothes, putting on the gown that was on the chair. Dr. Aisha Scott breezed into the room, startling Miranda. She hurried to tie her gown. "Mandy, how are you?" She gave Miranda a hug; then she sat down on a small stool with wheels.
"I'm good, Scotty." Miranda smiled calling the woman by her nickname. She and Scotty were friends from college. They were close in undergrad and med school. They both had dreams of being surgeons. When Miranda had gotten into the surgical program at Seattle Grace, Scotty started hers at Seattle Presbyterian. Seeing that surgery wasn't really how she wanted to spend her days and nights, Scotty branched out and became a primary health care professional for women. "And you? The kids? And Kevin?"
"Girl, I'm alright. The kids are giving me problems as usual. The teenager thinks that she runs the house and the younger ones are her poor. little minions." Miranda chuckled. "And I have another on the way," she said pointing at her belly.
"Oh! Congratulations, Scotty" Miranda said sincerely. "That's great."
"Yeah, number four, good Lord!" The women laughed. "Kevin's good. He's overseas right now, but he'll be on leave in a couple of weeks."
"Really?" Scotty nodded. "Then we should get together."
"We should. How's Tuck?"
"He's good. At Tucker's." Scotty rolled her eyes and smiled. She knew Tucker. "Tucker's having a baby, too."
"Is he?"
"Yeah, girl."
"Just what the world needs," The woman said with a laugh.
Miranda feigned offense. "Hey! My child has some Tucker in him."
"Yeah, but the Miranda in him overpowers the crazy part of Tucker." Miranda clapped her hands and laughed loudly. "So, Mandy, are you still dating..." She snapped her fingers trying to remember. "The guy, the light-skinned brother?"
Miranda shook her head. "That's a long story, Scotty. I'm dating someone else."
"Yeah? How's that?"
Miranda sighed deeply. "That's a longer story," Miranda said quietly.
Scotty touched her arm. "Well, then, let's get this appointment on track. Back to doctor-patient relationship. Remember to be completely honest, no holding out information, Mandy."
Miranda nodded. Scotty talked while she physically examined Miranda. Yes, she was Miranda Bailey. Her age, birth date, address, social security number, insurance were all correct. No, she didn't smoke. No, she didn't have diabetes or a family history of cancer. Yes, she was sexually active. Yes, she took birth control pills. Last period? "That's why I'm here, Scotty," Miranda answered sincerely. "I don't know. And I'm not panicking, but this is the first time in a long time that I can't remember." Scotty nodded. "The app on my phone said it should have come two weeks ago. I don't remember. I just can't remember."
"Okay, have you been under stress?" Miranda told her about Damon and her dad's heart attack. "I'm sorry you went through that, Mandy. But either of those could be a reason. Stress causes all kinds of problems."
"My dad had his attack like… last month and the thing with Damon was weeks ago. I'm over that. Or so I thought so."
"Your stressing over what happened doesn't mean you're not over it. It just means your body's just catching up." Miranda twisted her lips. "You don't think the stress of what you've been through recently has to do with you missing your period?"
Miranda shook her head and shrugged. "That's why I came to you, Doc."
"Have you taken a pregnancy test?" Miranda shook her head again. "Well, let's do that, shall we?" Miranda rolled her eyes to the ceiling. Scotty smiled and patted her leg. "It will be fine, Mandy. If you've been using protection and taking your pills, I'm thinking that your missed period is probably just a harmless byproduct of the pills." Miranda nodded. "You know, some pills will cause a lack of menses that isn't dangerous and it's actually a good thing." Miranda said she understood. "Anything else?" She asked gesturing for Miranda to sit up.
"Yeah. I've thrown up a couple of times which is unusual for me. And I've been sweating at night which has never happened to me in recent memory."
"Damn, girl, you're just falling apart." Miranda laughed. "I'm kidding. Uh, well, vomiting can be an indicator of so many things. When did you do it?" Miranda had first thrown up after checking on Tuck. And then after Camille Estrada was admitted. She told Scotty this.
"You could have what your son has. In that case, you need lots of rest. You could be pregnant." An odd sound escaped Miranda's lips. "Or you it's nerves about the dinner. It seems to me that it was a big deal for you and people that you deeply care about."
"It was. It was a little stressful. But I work in a stressful environment every day," she said thinking about Camille. A face and a story she'd never forget.
"You do, but maybe the addition of new stress is wearing you down. Have you ever thought about taking a vacation?"
"Hey… I took a vacation last month."
"You left Seattle because your dad was sick. That's not a vacation, Mandy."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Miranda said smiling. "I'll think about it."
Scotty nodded. "And, well, night sweats have a lot of indicators. The most common one is perimenopause, but there's no history of that in your family." Miranda nodded and started to speak. "You want to know if the night sweats could be related to your period not coming."
"Yeah," Miranda said dazzled. It felt so weird to be the patient with so many questions, but she was glad that she had a doctor who could read her mind and answer the questions, too.
"We'll do the PT and then we'll go from there." Miranda got off of the chair and took the test that Scotty was holding out for her. She went to the restroom and peed on the stick. "Finished?" Miranda nodded. Scotty's gloved hands picked up the stick and put it in a small, clear container and pushed it out of their eyesight behind a stack of folders. "Mandy, don't look so down." Miranda tried to give a weak smile. "Do you want it to be positive or negative?"
"If you would have asked me yesterday, I wouldn't have minded if it was positive. But, today, Scotty, I'd like for that little stick to be negative."
"Alright, well, while we wait about seven minutes tell me about the guy."
Miranda couldn't hold back her smile. "He's an anesthesiologist and he's so sweet and kind and fine! But, Scotty! I met his mother the other day—"
"A terror?"
"Girl, the worst."
"Unh-uh, you remember what Kevin's mother did during our wedding ceremony."
Miranda gasped and put her hands to her mouth. "Oh my! I do! She had a coughing fit just as the preacher asked if anyone had any objections to stand now or forever hold their peace. I remember that. That was wild." The old friends laughed. If Miranda closed her eyes, she could almost imagine them back on campus in the student center lounging around. Scotty was such a good friend.
"See, girl. Those mothers are crazy as hell, but they have great sons." Miranda nodded. "Keep going. We have a few more minutes."
"His mother told me that he might be going to California to start his surgical residency."
"Oh, damn, Mandy. I'm sorry."
"No, don't be. It's okay. I'm just mad that he didn't tell me, you know? The minute he found out… he should have told me."
"Does he know where you are?"
"I haven't talked to him since I walked out on him this morning."
"He's probably worried."
"Whose side are you on?" Miranda asked angrily, feeling betrayed
"Is that a trick question? You're my girl. We've been friends for years, so you know I got your back, but you're doing what you've accused him of doing—holding out information that is pertinent to the relationship."
"Ugh. I know. I know. I guess I just don't want to have to deal with him leaving, possibly AND a b-baby." They were quiet. Miranda's was overflowing. She looked at her watch. "Scotty, it's time."
"You're right. Ready for the moment of truth. I never get tired of doing this," Scotty said. "It's such a wonderful feel—"
"Aisha! I'd like to see what the pee-soaked stick says, please!"
Scotty laughed. "Alright, alright!" Miranda heart was racing. Her hands were sweating profusely and her lips felt chapped. Nervous wouldn't even begin to describe how she felt. Her body was going through all kinds of emotions. She did want another baby, so she'd be happy, of course, but Ben leaving would spoil that. And if there was no baby, then it could mean that something else was wrong, maybe something worse. The lump reappeared in her throat. She tried to swallow, but it was a struggle. Her eyes began to water. She closed them and a tear fell onto the gown. "Mandy? Miranda, did you hear me?"
"Hunh?" Miranda sucked in air. "No, I didn't."
"I said you're not pregnant. It's negative."
She held up the stick, but Miranda couldn't see through the tears. She released the air from her mouth. She wiped away the tears falling from her eyes. Scotty got off of her stool and hugged her. "It's alright. It's okay, Mandy." Miranda wiped her eyes again and dried her fingers on the cloth gown. "You're okay?" The general surgeon nodded her head. "So let's talk about these night sweats."
Miranda sniffled. "Okay."
"So, my next guess about the sweating is that it's a sign that your period is coming." Miranda thought about this idea. Sweating had never been a sign for her that her cycle was starting, but it was possible that the signs were changing. She asked Scotty. "Yeah. And there are plenty of women who experience night sweats before their period." Miranda said that she didn't think that she knew that. Scotty laughed. "My last guess was maybe a thyroid issue, but your family has no history of it." Scotty looked at Miranda's chart again.
"No, we don't."
"Look, they came suddenly, so it's probably just anxiety about what happened with the guy from the park and your dad. If that's the reason for them, there's nothing medically that we can do. If they persist, maybe we'll revisit the idea of hypothyroidism." Miranda nodded. "But, honestly, Mandy, since you're not pregnant, which would explain both, I think you missed your period because of the pills and you're sweating at night because your period is on its way, congratulations. And you're probably vomiting because you have the virus that Tuck has. Sorry about that." Scotty smiled.
Miranda took a deep breath and exhaled. "Scotty, thank you so much for seeing me and just… thanks. I was panicking and freaking out."
Scotty said it was no problem. "I'll give you a minute to change." When she reemerged, Miranda was putting on her shoes. "Okay, we talked about a lot of stuff, is there anything else?"
Miranda shook her head. "No. I'm all good. And since I know you're going to recap, I'll do it for you. I presented with night sweats, vomiting and a missed period. The vomiting could be the result of tension and stress in my life or my son gave me a virus. And after taking a pregnancy test, we've concluded that the night sweats are either caused by stress or the onset of my period and my missed period was caused by, again, stress or one of the effects of my birth control pills. If the sweating persists, you'll check for hypothyroidism."
"Damn, girl, you should be a doctor," Scotty said and they laughed loudly, the sound bouncing off of the walls. "But you missed one thing."
"What's that?" Miranda asked raising an eyebrow.
"Your guy. You need to talk to him. Or it will stress you out and the sweating and vomiting may continue. Stress kills, honey. Get everything off your chest." Miranda listened to her physician and nodded. They walked out of the room together. Scotty rubbed her pregnant belly and Miranda's heart jumped. "Alright, Mandy. I'll see you later. And call me sometime. We should get together."
Miranda said that she would and she was gone. She stopped at her favorite Chinese food restaurant and picked up some food. She went home and sat at her kitchen table. She called Ben. There was no answer. She called him two more times, the phone going to voicemail both times. She took her food out of the bag, but she didn't feel like eating. She just wanted to talk to Ben, but he wasn't answering. She sighed heavily and put her food into the refrigerator. Upstairs, she took off her clothes and took a shower. She spent the entire time wishing that Ben was with her. Miranda got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around her body. She went to her drawer to find panties and a t-shirt. After putting on her panties, she realized that she really needed to do laundry because the only shirt that she could find was a black t-shirt that she didn't even remember buying. Miranda pulled it out and put it on. Instantly, her boyfriend's cologne engulfed her and clouded her senses. It was Ben's shirt. The one he'd told her to hold on to after they'd made love for the first time. Miranda's body shook remembering that night and the morning after. So much pleasure. She sighed. And the shirt was so soft and comfy, too. It settled just at the top of her butt. She bit her lip and got into bed. She called Ben one last time. She wondered why he wasn't answering. Maybe he was ignoring her like she'd done to him all day. Miranda turned on the TV, muting it. She stared at the screen and fought the urge to call him for a fifth time. She was starting to get worried. They'd never gone this long without talking. Oh! She said slapping a hand to her head. "He's on-call," she said to herself, giggling maniacally. "He's probably in surgery." She shook her head and tapped out a message: I just got home. Call me. Please. She sent it off into the stratosphere and decided to send him another one. As a matter of fact… I'll leave a key under the mat. Come over when you get off. Miranda pressed "send" before she could change her mind. Miranda got out of bed and went downstairs to slide the key under the mat. Back upstairs in her bed, she put the phone on her dresser and tried to keep her eyes open and wait for his response. Miranda threw off the covers as her eyes grew heavy. She fell asleep with nothing covering her but the t-shirt that smelled of Ben that made her miss him more than ever.
