Walking into the room, Bellamy tried not to be nervous, but it was hard. He was one of twenty candidates sitting the cadet entrance exam today, and he didn't recognise a single face. He knew some of them were following in the footsteps of one or both of their parents, while others just wanted power. But he was positive that no one had higher stakes in the outcome of this test than he did.
They sat them in four rows of five, desks spaced apart so no one could look at each other's tablets. Bellamy wouldn't have dreamed of cheating. He knew the answer to every question, and had since he was ten years old. But even if he didn't, he wouldn't have dared cheat- nothing that could jeopardise his and Octavia's future.
The exam was six hours, with an hour break in the middle. Once the test was half finished, the twenty tablets were collected and he was sent into the hallway with the other students, so they'd have a chance to eat. Bellamy ignored the food, leaning against the wall, thinking about all the answers he'd given, obsessing over whether they were right or wrong. He could hear chatter around him, but he was tuning it out.
Suddenly a question broke through to him, "Hey, are you that kid from Factory?"
Bellamy looked up. Nineteen pairs of eyes stared back at him. He licked his lips, swallowed and said, "Yeah."
"You really think you have a chance?" the guy asked, smirking a little. He had dark brown hair and crooked teeth. "Who wrote your letters of recommendation?"
Bellamy shifted uncomfortably, shrugged. "My teacher and an inspector."
There were small snickers from a few of the others. The guy who'd asked the question smiled in a way that wasn't friendly and said, "Mine are from David Miller and Marcus Kane." Bellamy didn't know them personally, but he did know that Miller was head guard and Kane was on the Council.
He didn't know how he was supposed to respond to that, so he just said, "Cool."
"You know only eight of us are getting chosen, right?" the guy went on. "You really think one of them is going to be you?"
"Leave him alone," one of the girls spoke up. She had emerald green eyes and long, strawberry-blonde hair, and she was smiling at him in a way he recognised.
He reached out a hand and she took it, silencing all the jeering boys as he tugged her by the arm, down the hall and around a corner. She was smiling shyly as she told him, "I think it's brave what you're doing."
He pressed close to her, keeping hold of her hand and leaning close, a smile curling his lips. Softly he said, his voice light with teasing, "Don't you know? All Factory Station boys are brave."
"I haven't really met one before," she answered, giggling at his breath in her ear.
"Well, now you have," he said, keeping his face close to hers. "I'm Bellamy."
"Andrea," she answered, blushing. When her eyes darted to his lips he knew what she wanted and he leaned in and kissed her, feeling her relax into his arms. Bellamy felt himself hardening against her leg almost immediately, wanting that relief. Together they found an empty room, stumbling into it and closing the door, their lips all over each other. Her skirt made things easier.
She was a good distraction, and then Bellamy was back at his desk. He felt calmer as he sat down to the second half of his exam. Like he had for the first half, he answered the questions quickly and easily, then spent the remainder of the time obsessing over whether those answers were correct. He didn't stand up until the very last second ticked by, and then he left without talking to anyone.
His first stop was the mess hall. He wanted to bring home something special for Octavia, something she would love- something to reward her for the long, lonely day she'd had to pass by herself, and to make her less scared of the big changes that were coming to their lives.
Stepping up to the dispensary, he pressed his thumb on the fingerprint pad and thought- not for the first time- how odd it was that Octavia's finger would do nothing here. To everyone but him and his mother, she didn't exist. But to him, she was the most vibrant thing alive.
One of the mess hall workers read the screen in front of her, and he knew that the monitor was displaying his ration quota, among other things. The woman looked bored as she prepared his tray.
"And I'd like to buy a block of chocolate," he told her.
The woman raised her eyebrows, glancing at the screen again. "Are you sure? That'll deplete almost all your rations."
"Yeah," he said impatiently. "I'm sure."
She tilted her head a little, and for the first time there was something in her eyes other than boredom. "So, you've got a sweet tooth. That's an expensive thing to have."
"Look, they're my rations," he said, annoyed. "I can spend them how I want, right?"
Her smile got bigger. "Of course you can. You misunderstand me- I wasn't criticising your choices. But a boy from Factory with a sweet tooth is a boy that's going to be disappointed more than not."
Bellamy drummed his fingers on the counter. "You got a point?"
"No, I've got an offer," she countered. "A job."
He was surprised. "A job?" He shook his head. "No, I don't have time for a job… and I just wrote the cadet entrance exam, so I'm about to be even busier. Thanks anyway."
"This is a job you can do in your spare time," she said, still smiling in a way he really didn't like. "How old are you?"
"Almost seventeen."
She laughed a little, then shook her head at him. "Old enough. How'd you like to earn four hundred ration points a week?"
Bellamy's eyes widened. That number was almost unfathomable- more than he was normally allocated in three months. He couldn't help but imagine all the things he could buy for Octavia. All the ways he could enrich her life. But he knew there had to be a catch. "Doing what?"
"You're a good-looking kid," she told him, looking him up and down. "You a virgin?"
His jaw tightened as he realised exactly where she was going with this. "I'll just take my meal tray and my chocolate," he said, his voice hard.
The woman laughed. "It wouldn't be as bad as you think," she assured him. "Just the first time, maybe. And I screen the clients very carefully." She held out her hand to him. "I'm Nygel."
Bellamy slapped her hand away. "My tray and my chocolate," he said again, his voice a growl. "And nothing else."
She chuckled a little, pushing over the tray, setting the block of chocolate on top. When he reached for it, she didn't remove her hand. Instead she said, "It's on the house. I won't deduct for it."
"Yes you will," he told her firmly. "I won't be in debt to you."
He saw a brief flash of disappointment in her eyes, but then she just shrugged and said, "Shame. I'm offering you a great job with excellent security. That's a lot better than your mother has, going it alone like she does."
Bellamy wanted to punch her. He wanted to strangle her. But there were way too many people in this mess hall, and he'd be arrested and probably floated if he tried anything. Instead he just grabbed his tray, leaving the chocolate on the counter.
"Relax," Nygel said, rolling her eyes a little. She turned the screen towards him, where he could see his ration points were almost at zero. He grabbed the chocolate without a word, shoving it into his pocket as he charged out of the mess hall. He drew in deep breaths as he walked down the corridors, not sure if he wanted to cry or punch something or both.
Octavia was waiting for him, clearly beside herself with nerves. "Bell!" she exclaimed, hurrying towards him. "How was it? Did you pass?"
"Of course I did," he said absently, pushing past her outstretched arms and setting the tray down on the table. "But we won't know the official results for a few weeks."
"I'm not hungry," Octavia said stubbornly, glancing at the food try, clearly hurt by his brush-off.
"Seriously?" he snapped, turning on her. "Do you know what I just went through to get you that?"
She stared at him in surprise, and he could see tears gathering in her eyes. He let out a breath, shaking his head, forcing himself to relax.
"I'm sorry, O. It was a really stressful test, that's all." He pulled the chocolate from his pocket and held it out to her. "Here, I brought you something."
She approached him uncertainly, but her curiosity overrode her hurt feelings as she took the block from his hand. "What is it?"
He forced a smile. "Try it- it's good."
Octavia took a bite, and he watched her eyes light up. "Oh my God… what is this?"
"Chocolate," he answered, his smile turning genuine.
"Like the Mayans had?" she exclaimed excitedly, taking another bite. "For real?"
He'd forgotten he'd told her that story, but he nodded his head and said, "Pace yourself. That's more sugar than you usually eat in a month."
She tried hard to do as he said, but it was almost all gone within minutes. "Want the last bite?"
"No, you have it," he said. In truth he liked chocolate, had only had it perhaps three times in his life, but he was used to sacrificing for her. She finished it off, licking the last traces of it from her fingers and grinning at him.
Bellamy laughed, sitting himself down heavily in one of the chairs. He started portioning out the food on the meal tray, giving them each half of what was meant to feed just one person. He was long since accustomed to always being slightly hungry, and the bigger Octavia got, the more that would happen.
He found himself considering Nygel's offer, just for one moment, and it shocked him. But Octavia was growing- the family just managed to get by on his and Aurora's rations now, but for how long? His own points would be increased slightly when he started cadets, but not significantly until he was a guard, and that would take years. How were they going to keep this up, if something didn't change?
"Bell?" Octavia was standing right next to him, her hand on his arm, and it surprised him- he'd been so lost in his own thoughts.
He gazed at her for a long moment. Maybe he could do it- for her. She was worth anything. But the thought sickened him on so many levels, and he forced it out of his mind. As usual, he was able to push everything aside for Octavia.
"I'm okay, O," he assured her gently. He thought about pulling her into his lap, but she was getting too big for that. Even her eyes- they were different now. No longer the wise little eyes she'd had as a solemn toddler, but truly eyes that knew things. Had seen things. He knew a lot of that was their mother's fault, and it made his heart ache- that he couldn't shield her from everything, from the world. He wanted to so badly. She never left this room, and yet she was being exposed to so much.
"Want to play?" she asked him finally, hesitant.
He didn't, but he nodded his head. "Sure thing. What do you want to do?"
When she shrugged and looked at the floor, he knew she hadn't really meant it, and he leaned forward, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. "This is everything we've been waiting for," he told her, not sure who he was trying to convince.
"Promise me nothing's going to change," she whispered, clutching him tightly. Seeming to realise that it was impossible for him to do that, she added, "At least… promise me that only good things are going to happen from now on."
He wanted to promise her that. He wanted to promise her everything. He wanted to take her outside this room and watch her dance down the halls of the Ark- that was still his deepest dream, his secret hope. But now, as he pulled back from her embrace and looked into those serious blue eyes, he just said, "I promise our lives are going to be better than this."
She looked at him like she trusted him more than anyone had ever trusted someone before. And he knew, with just as much certainty, that he would never- could never- do anything to let her down. No matter what.
