...

"I am not "cured"-I know I never will be. I will always crave that pain to keep me centered. I will always be just a little astounded when I get through a crisis without putting a blade to my flesh."
J. Kenner

...

"I can go tomorrow...yeah, I just have to make sure Liam will be okay first." Isabelle whispered into her phone, trying to not to wake Simon. He was splayed out on their bed, eyelashes fluttering a bit as he dreamed. His gear was still on; it had been late when they finally came home from the Silent City and they had stayed up comforting each other.

"You don't have to, Isabelle." Jia said sympathetically, "I'm so sorry for being angry with you earlier; I had no idea what you were going through. You must be so exhausted and I would completely understand if you needed a break-"

"No," Izzy sighed, "I took a three year break before everything happened and now I need to come back-"

"But you just had a baby-" Jia argued.

"And we're losing shadowhunters." She shot back, "I'm okay, Simon is okay...Magnus and Jace have only so much time left." Izzy yanked her hair free from it's ponytail holder and sighed as the pressure in her head lessened. Simon stirred on the bed, but then went still and Izzy breathed out, relieved. "Okay, I need to get some sleep."

"Definitely," Jia agreed, "Will I see you at the Institute tomorrow morning?"

"Yes, around nine thirty." She sat down quietly on the bed beside her husband and leaned against the headboard, running her fingers over the rough scar on her lower stomach.

"Sounds good. See you then."

"Bye." Isabelle ended the call and tossed her phone onto the foot of their bed, glad to be done with everything for the day. She nudged Simon's leg with her foot, trying to get him to wake up.

He turned his head to the side, blinking his eyes open, clearly not happy about being woken up. "Yes, love?"

"I'm going to stay with Liam tonight; I want to make sure that he is okay." said Isabelle.

Simon sat up, brows furrowing as his face fell into confusion, "The Silent Brothers said they would take care of him. You should take this as an opportunity to get more sleep-"

"No." She shook her head, "I'm having anxiety right now, as we speak, just from being away from my baby." Isabelle got off of the bed and quickly moved towards her closer so that she could find a warm jacket to wear over her nightclothes.

Simon stared after her, not quite sure what to say without enraging her, "You've got two other babies sleeping in this house right now-"

"They don't need me as much as Liam does." She mumbled, her voice muffled by the fabric of the purple sweater she was pulling over her head, "I need to go anyway; I don't know how often Liam eats yet and I need to make sure he's okay."

Simon opened his mouth to protest, but Isabelle shot him a fierce glare that told him to shut up, "This isn't a permanent thing," she started angrily, "The Brothers said they would keep him alive for us, but I still need to be down there almost every three hours to feed him and be there for him. It's only for a couple of weeks until he gets his weight up and his lungs are stronger."

Simon nodded, "Okay, but Iz?"

She was starting to tie her hair back up, but turned to look at him anyway, expression wary and tired. "Yes?"

"I think we should take a break..."

Isabelle dropped her hands to her sides, and her eyes narrowed on her husband, face paling greatly. "From each other?" Her voice was shaking and when she came to stand before him, he noticed her body was trembling, too.

Simon placed his hands on her hips and pulled her closer to him so that he could rest his head on her stomach, "Not for forever...just until things stop being so crazy."

Isabelle wove her fingers through Simon's hair, blinking tears away as they tried to force their way out of the ducts, "I understand why, it's just that...now? While I need you the most?"

"I'm not saying we can't be there for each other, Iz. I just think that we should focus more on our kids and helping the Clave with the whole Stephen situation rather than our romantical relationship." He looked up at her, eyes smooth and warm, "We're not breaking up. I love you too much for that."

"Okay..." She came closer to him and sat down on his lap, wrapping her arms around his waist and nestling her head into his neck, "Romantical?" Her nose wrinkled as her face grew confused, "Strange choice of words."

Simon chuckled softly and pressed his lips to her neck before speaking again, "It's funny because romantical isn't even a word."

"I know." Izzy tilted her head to the side and cupped his cheek with her palm so that she could kiss him, full on the mouth. It didn't last long, but it consisted of just the perfect amount of tongue and teeth, with playful lip biting and soft pressure on each others' mouths. "So was that our last 'romantical' kiss for a while?" She asked, slightly breathless after pulling away.

Simon shrugged and pulled her on top of him, tightening his arms around her middle as her legs wrapped around his waist. "I love you, Izzy. Thank you for everything you've given me: your love, our beautiful children, your strength." Simon sighed, "I don't know how you do it all the time. I feel like I lose a little bit of my sanity everyday, but you..." He smiled up at her, "Everything you do is flawless and effortless."

Isabelle felt the corners of her lips pulling up into a small grin, "That's sweet, Si...but I've had so many breakdowns since we have had our kids and I don't think I've seen you break down more than a couple of times."

Simon nodded, "That may be true, but you still have energy and you look fucking hot everyday-"

Izzy laughed, "Wow, someone really misses me."

"No," Simon grinned, "I miss my sanity. That's what you're getting me for the holidays: sanity, okay?"

"Whatever you want...but I just want Liam to be okay. Meet me at the Institute in the morning."

Simon frowned, "So you're going to get no sleep tonight?"

She shrugged and stood up again, this time with no intent on sitting back down, "I'll sleep when Liam is sleeping."

Simon yawned, stretching out on the bed, "Send me pictures."

Izzy smiled sweetly, "Of course."

...

Simon had never seen Isabelle looking so exhausted in his life. The shadows under her eyes were some of the darkest ones he had ever seen; even her layers of makeup didn't cover them. The weight her eyes held kept hours and hours of no sleep and the way her lips wobbled signaled her utter weakness from the tiny remainder of energy she had left.

"Wow," Simon breathed, slightly uncomfortable, "You look...terrible." He wasn't even worried about a snappy response coming from her. He knew she was too tired to argue. Simon held his hands up as her frown deepened, "At least I'm honest."

Isabelle sighed, handing him her stele, "Do me a favor and mark me. I need some energy. Loads of it, actually." She turned her back to him and lifted her hair off of her neck and shoulders so that the skin exposed by her tank top was available for the runes. "He stopped breathing twice last night." She said softly.

Simon paused, the stele hovering over its designated spot on Isabelle's neck, "Liam?"

She nodded slowly, "He turned blue while I was holding him and I thought he was going to die right there, in my arms."

"He's..."

"He's fine now, but...I don't know how it's going to work out," Izzy sighed, "I'm ready when you are, Si." She said, suggesting he begin drawing the rune before she was able to pass out. She shivered as the burning sensation from the stele seeped through her skin, loosening her tight muscles and relieving the cloudy feeling of exhaust in her mind. Her energy was completely restored only moments after he finished the second rune and she turned around to give her husband a much needed hug, "There is no way that was your first time marking someone."

Simon moved his hands to her back, sliding the stele back into her gear in the process, "You would have killed me if I practiced on someone else."

Izzy's body shook against his as she laughed, "I know."

"Mommy, Emilia is here with Jia and they want to talk to you." Layla was pulling on Izzy's shirt with a frantic look in her eyes.

Simon pulled away from his wife and kneeled down in front of his daughter, "Layla go upstairs with Kaden into Mommy's old room and then after we finish talking with Jia, you can go see Liam." He promised her, "Okay?"

Layla's eyes lit up with excitement and she pressed her hands to her cheeks, "Really?"

Simon smiled at her enthusiasm, "Really." Standing up, he watched as the little girl ran out of the Institute's living room, calling her brother's name. "She's so cute."

Isabelle was beaming, "I know." She winked at him, "We make cute kids."

...

"Jace, why don't you do the honors?" Stephen handed his son a syringe of the blue liquid, smiling wickedly as Jace's eyes grew dark with concern.

"What does it do, father?" He asked, backing away from him.

Magnus was still passed out, hanging in chains on a nearby wall. His wrists were shackled and hands covered with a blockade of steel so that he couldn't work his magic and break free. He looked weak and his usually spiky hair was limp and damp with sweat.

"It's going to give you power." Stephen smirked. He pushed Jace, none too gently towards the warlock, "Now, do it!"

Jace felt as if he was finally coming to and seeing past all of the red that had been controlling him over the last few days. He knew Stephen's rune was wearing off and he knew that he had to act fast before anything could happen. But he couldn't let Stephen know he was normal again...So, Jace took the syringe, and with the thing poised in his hand, ready to insert, he placed it on the warlock's neck, just barely pricking the delicate skin with the sharp needle. Jace's hand was shaking too much. He wasn't going to actually do it, but he didn't want to get killed. And he certainly did not want Magnus killed because of his actions.

Jace's upper teeth dug into his lower lip as his brow furrowed with concentration. He had an idea, but it was a hit or a miss. Literally. His back was to Stephen, so he didn't know exactly how much swing he would have to put in his arm in order to inject the needle in his throat. But it was either Magnus or Stephen. And Magnus was not an option.

...

"We still don't know exactly where Stephen is," Jia said quietly, pulling out her phone, "But Maia gave us specific enough details to give us a few obvious spots."

Robert glanced over her shoulder at the screen, brows furrowing with confusion, "Why is Pandemonium the most highlighted?" He asked.

"It's marks where Stephen most likely is." Maryse answered. She looked at her daughter, who was standing next to Alec, trying to comfort him. He had been extremely worried about his husband and hadn't been able to focus clearly on anything but Magnus, "So what are we waiting for? Let's go get my husband-"

Isabelle put her arms around him and whispered sweet nothings into his ear to calm him down. But Alec only pushed her away and stared at her with a deep expression of horror twisting his features, "Don't tell me to stop; if it was Simon out there-"

"My husband was dying two days ago, don't even try and compare the two-"

Maryse threw her hands into the air, face flushing red with anger, "You two will never stop being your old selves, will you? Always fighting, even during important situations. So you two can either grow up or get the hell out of my kitchen!" She shouted.

Everyone stared at her, surprised. Maryse was normally a calm, well mannered, sophisticated woman, but clearly all of her own stress had finally caught up to her and she could no longer hold it in.

Jocelyn both sucked in a breath, "Maryse, you're angry and you shouldn't take it out on your children; they're having a hard time, too-"

Maryse shook her head, "Everything always happens at once: Stephen is bullshitting us all and on top of that, my grandson is dying-"

"Mom!" Izzy shrieked, enraged.

Clary gasped and whipped her head around, eyes wide with concern, "What's wrong with Liam?"

Izzy slammed her hand on the counter, "We are not here to talk about my son!" Her cheeks were pink and her eyes wet with tears. She looked like she wanted to scream or cry, maybe both, but whatever was coming, clearly no one wanted to see it.

Simon placed his hand on her back and leaned down to whisper in her ear, "Iz, if you need to step out-"

She brushed him off, "I don't need your sympathy."

Alec smirked at her, "Okay, now you're doing the same thing Mom was just doing-"

"Izzy," Mia was standing in the doorway of the kitchen. Her hair was tied back and she was dressed in all black with leather boots. She looked like a mini shadowhunter about to go into battle, Isabelle realized. And there was no way she would be going with them, "I'm coming, too."

Izzy bit her lip as everyone looked at her. She dealt with her own stubborn children all the time; this couldn't be that hard, right?

"It's too dangerous, Em..." Isabelle said apologetically, "I'd hate myself if anything happened to you-"

Emilia shook her head, angry now, "No you wouldn't. You don't really care about me; none of you do. And even if this is a suicide mission on my part, who are you to tell me whether or not I'm allowed to die. I don't need permission for that-"

Isabelle was furious with Emilia. Too many people she knew had died, and it had not been by choice. She would not have this little girl waste her life because she thought it was right; in the heat of a moment, anything seems acceptable and until you're at death's door, there is nothing you can be sure of. Yet still, Emilia was correct about one thing, "I'm not going to tell you not to go again, Emilia, but I will advise you not to." Isabelle sighed, trying to release some of her anger, "You're right. It's not my choice. I am not your mother," she gestured to Simon, "he is not your father. And even if you don't die when we're out there, you are going to see a lot of things you wish you never saw." Her voice was cold and unkind as she continued to speak, "And it is going to hurt."

Emilia looked as if she had been slapped. Her cheeks were flushed and eyes a blur of shining emerald. It looked as if her whole world had been taken out from under her, but as she opened her mouth to speak-

Alec gasped sharply as his face fell into a mixture of pain and alarm and one of his hands reached out to steady himself on the counter while the other clutched at his chest. His eyes were wide and the usual brightness stolen and replaced with icy horror.

"Alexander?" Robert asked, beginning to grow worried for his son's sudden panic.

"There's something wrong with Jace." He breathed, pulling the collar of his shirt down to reveal the parabatai rune on his chest. "I felt a pulse; like, a really sharp one." The rune didn't look very different, only a little bit faded, more than its usual, aging look. But that alone was enough to send Isabelle into a panic, "We have to go-"

Just as Jia was leading everyone out of the kitchen, a very familiar she wolf and her boyfriend showed up in the foyer, looking very rushed and serious, "We found Stephen."

...