Crazy trouble with love part 2
Harley and Creeper
Series: Batman the Animated Series
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In Gotham a delivery truck came up to a news stand.
The door opened and the driver brought out a stack of newspapers. On the front page was an earth shattering article.
'Clown Prince of Crime Fries in Arkham.'
"Man, maybe now I can sleep easier." remarked the driver setting them down as he got back into the truck.
"I never imagined I'd see this in the papers." remarked the stand owner. 'Wonder if I should raise the price, this is some pretty juicy stuff.'
Elsewhere sitting curled in a recliner in one of the Joker's old warehouse hideouts was Harley Quinn. She was tearing up to where her makeup was running as she read the article. Her mask was discarded and forgotten. "My puddin….is gone! *Hic*….what am I supposed to do now? I can't go back to my old job after all that I've done, who would even hire me?"
"Maybe Two-Face? I heard he's looking for some new help." suggested Mo.
"Yeah Ms. Quinn," Lar smiled. "There are lots eligible bachelors in the crime underworld."
"I don't want to be some two cheap girl to that personality disorder reject!" she lashed out with a scowl. "I want my puddin back!"
"Well that might be hard, unless you take a page or two from Frankenstein." said Cur.
Harley growled and ripped the paper in half while the three henchmen gulped and backed away.
Mo glared at Curl and slapped the bald henchman. "Whatsa matter with you lunkhead?"
"Hey leave him alone." spoke Lar.
"Put a sock in it lame brain."
Harley gritted her teeth as Mo slapped the two before screaming. "SHUT UP! What's the point of jokes and laughter without Mr. J?! It's meaningless! It's all meaningless!"
The three looked at one another then back to her. "Who's joking?"
Harley breath in and out deeply while staring at the paper shreds and wiped her tears, smearing her makeup and looked at the floor. "It's true, there's no other way. No smile, no laughter, no jokes, it all doesn't matter anymore." she stood from the chair and wobbled off. "Do what you want, I'm done."
The door slammed and Cur looked at his cohorts. "Does this mean we're out of the job again?"
"What do you think lame brain?" Mo remarked before throwing a punch at Curl's gut.
"Oof!"
"Look on the bright side, maybe we can be comedians." spoke Lar. "We cracked the boss up all the time."
"You know that might be the smartest idea you ever had."
Harley walked into the lobby of a business building putting the employees on edge. "Don't go gettin' your underwear in a bunch, I'll be gone soon enough." she said pulling the hair bands out then went over to the elevator and repeatedly pressed the UP button until the doors shut and it moved up while rubbing away the makeup as much as she could.
The door opened on the top floor and a worker walked in but froze at the sight of the henchwoman.
"Goin' up?" she tried joking but it just wasn't the same.
She walked out and ignored the worker who rushed into the elevator to get away as she kept walking.
She came to a door and opened it to the windy roof. She ignored the cold and slowly walked out and towards the edge while her hair went everywhere from the wild gale. She reached the edge and looked down at the twenty story drop. "One step, that's all it takes. Hang on Mr. J, I'll be with you soon. In Heaven, or Hell."
She closed her eyes and leaned forward as she took the next step and felt her body start falling while feeling it all go in slow motion.
The wind blew her hair back and she felt her worries get left on the roof as she dropped. 'Pretty soon I'll be a big ol' splatter and I'll be back with my puddin'.'
"Aaaah-ah-ah-ah-aaah-ah-ah-aaah!" came a yell before Harley was snatched in mid air.
She opened her eyes and blinked as she stopped moving and felt an arm around her waist. Her gaze fell on the yellow skin and looked up at her unwelcome savior. "You!?"
"Me Creeper, you hot!" smiled Creeper with his other hand holding onto an open window's ledge.
"Let go of me!" she cried out struggling in his grip while hitting his chest with her hands. "I want to die! Just let me die!"
"Hold on, weather's calling with a slight chance of rain. Let's keep you dry." he grinned before pulling himself up onto the ledge as he set her down on the roof and stood up. "So what's the scoop doll? There are lots of other ways to get on the channel 7 news besides ending up street pizza."
"Shut up!" she cried out while standing up to glare at him. And wipe that smile off your face! It makes me think of...my….PUDDIN'!" she cried out feeling fresh tears.
"Hey hey, shut off the water works, besides It was your Puddin' who put this grin on my face."
"Shut up! Shut up shut up shut up!" she spoke while holding her head as she breath deeply. "Just let me die, I don't wanna live anymore."
"Breaking news, woman gives up on life, can we get a comment?" he asks Harley as he crouched beside her.
Harley sniffled and glared daggers at him. "Yeah, here's a comment. Stay here and let me just end it all." she said and went to the edge again.
"Sorry, can't do that!" he grabbed her and threw her on his shoulder
"Hey!"
"Letting you go ker-splat is a crime worse than murder." he spoke as he walked away from the window. "Let's get you a drink, you could use it."
"What I could use is you letting me go!"
"Allie oop! Ahahahaha!" he laughed and jump into the air and landed on a roof before running to the next. He continued to run and jump through the city and up to a hotel building.
"Edgar, that yellow man is is back! And he's got a woman on his shoulder." a woman called looking out one of the windows.
"Mary did you take your meds?" called a male voice from another room.
Creeper came to the penthouse then placed her on the couch. "Sit back, relax, and don't anger my pet chihuahua. Wait, I don't have one. Well in that case go nuts. Me casa es su casa. Ahahahahaha!" he clapped his hands and the lights came on.
Harley frowned as Creeper jumped away and she eyed the vacant balcony she stood up and started making a move for it before she started eyeing all the modern furniture. She looked around and blinked in honest surprise. "This is where you live?" she questioned. "I pictured something more like a cave with a jungle gym."
"Ah but my dear. To one such as myself who creeps through the night alone, it feels as barren as one." grinned Creeper while walking back over with a bottle. "Scotch?" he offered holding out the bottle to her.
Harley sighed and grabbed the whole bottle. "One drink, that's it."
Harley sat at the edge of the couch downing her fourth glass then rested her elbow on the arm with her head in her hand. "Y-Ya know what? I-I'm feeling a lotsa more better." she slurred then held her empty glass out to him. "Hit me again."
"Sorry, as much as I'd like to see you drunk off your back side, I think you had enough." said Creeper.
"Can I-can I axe you a question?"
"My dear, I'd be insulted if you didn't."
"H-how can you afford this place? Are we in some rich guy's place?"
"Well in a way it's my place, but it really belongs to the other guy." he laughed. "Course, he's not as good looking as me ahahahaha!"
Harley laughed a little and looked at Creeper's abs. "Hmmm. I never noticed, but you're pretty good looking."
"Why thank you." he grinned wiggling his eyebrows. "Care to give them a little feel?"
She reached over and tried to touch his toned body, but went tumbling before he caught her in his arms.
"Phew that was a close one, eh gorgeous?" He questioned smiling down at her.
In her intoxicated state she felt her few remaining morals begin to slip away then pressed her lips to his.
His eyes widened at the unexpected move but didn't pull away and returned the kiss. He pulled her to her feet and closer to him. He backed away and guided her to to the bedroom.
(The Next Day)
Harley felt a pounding headache as she slowly opened her eyes. "Ugh For christ sake." she sat up in the bed and felt a draft. She was confused and looked down to see she was completely naked. "What the...what happened last night?" she questioned pulling the comforter over her nude form. In a nearby chair was her outfit, neatly folded with her shoes on top.
After getting dressed she opened the door and looked out. She noticed a delectable smell and crept through the hall and noticed a black haired man cooking in the kitchen. "Uh, hello?"
The man turned his head and smiled at her. "Ah good morning, there's some coffee if you're hungover."
"Thanks, but who are you?" she questioned.
"Don't recognize me? Well The name's Jack Ryder, the man who was turned into the Creeper."
"You? You're the Creeper?" Harley blinked.
"Yeah," he rolled up his sleeve to show the cotton patch on his arm. "This patch keeps me normal. Without it I'm wearing nothing but a speedo and feathered boa."
Harley looked closer and went wide eyed. "You're right! I remember you now, you're the guy that got dunked in those chemicals by my….puddin'." she spoke while looking at the ground while recalling what happened yesterday, especially why she was naked. "Oh… My….god." she gawked. "…..did we…"
"Yes, we did. I won't lie, best I ever had." he spoke.
She collapsed on the nearest chair. "I'm a sleazy skank." she sobbed.
Jack walked over with a cup of coffee and put a hand on her shoulder. "No, no you're not. You were drunk and you weren't thinking clearly." he handed her the coffee.
Harley took the cup and slowly drank it before letting out a deep breath.
"Now I can't remember everything during my… episodes, but I do recall stopping you from taking your own life. Wanna talk about it?" asked Jack.
Harley looked at her reflection in the cup and sighed. "Sure, what have I got to lose? I wanted to die because… I miss Mr. J."
"Ah yeah, I heard about his untimely demise at Arkham. Can't say I'll miss him though."
"That's cause you didn't know him like me." she frowned while wincing at feeling the headache.
"I knew almost everything about Joker. I did do a show about him after all, and incase you forgot it's because of him I ended up a bigger lunatic than he was. So you'll have to excuse me if I wasn't head-over-heels for him."
"He wasn't a lunatic! All he wanted to do was make people laugh and give them smiles." she tried defending him. "But no one knows how to take a joke, especially Batman."
"Is that what you really think or are you just in denial?" he asked sitting across from her. "It's only natural to feel that way in the first stage of grief."
"I'm not listening." she frowned plugging her ears while looking away.
'Okay, looks like I need to help her into the next stage, but how….hmm? I got it.' he let go of his decency for a moment and grabbed one of her breasts.
"HEY!" she jumped before swinging her hand and slapping him. "What's the big idea bub?!"
"Just trying to help." he said rubbing his cheek with a red handprint.
"Oh you wanna help? Help this!" she growled standing up and picked up a chair over her head. She brought it down before he grabbed it by the legs and was locked into a battle of strength against the clown girl.
"You didn't seem to mind my groping last night when my hands were all over you." he remarked making her gasp in shock. "Infact you seemed to love it."
"SHUT UP!" she growled pushing harder with the chair. "No one can make me feel good but Mista J! It's just not possible."
Jack kicked her back making her let go of the chair as she stumbled."You were pretty tight for someone so dedicated to her lover," he said as he put the chair down and walked over. "Could it be that Miss Harley Quinn never lost her cherry to the Joker, but rather to an acrobatic accident? Did both of you ever even share a bed?"
"Shut up! shut up! shut up!" she screeched beating her fists against her head. "Just shut up!" she started tearing up.
"What will you do now, clone a new Joker?" Jack asked her.
"Hey, that's not a bad idea! If I talked with Poison Ivy, maybe she could make some kinda copy with her plants." spoke Harley with a grin.
"But then it wouldn't the real Joker, would it?" Jack questioned her, making her lose her smile. "It would only be a copy. It wouldn't have his memories or life experiences, and how long before it went rotten and decayed into compost? You'd likely end up watching him die all over again."
She sniffled and looked down while clutching her chest. "You're right, trying to make another one would just make it hurt even more." her legs gave out and she dropped to the floor.
'Okay time to bring it on home.' he walked over and kneeled down in front of her. "Listen to me Harleen, when I was doing my show on Joker I had to learn everything about him, which means I had to learn all about you too."
"Yeah, so?" she wiped her nose on her sleeve. And looked at him.
"Before the Joker you were a psychiatrist at Arkham. You had a promising career, you had your life ahead of you, not to mention your good looks." he finished with a grin. "And the Joker passing on might be a good thing for you. You can move on with your life."
She blinked with wide eyes before looking down in uncertainty.
This made Jack frown before his brow fixed into a glare. "Or maybe," he grabbed her wrist and yanked her up from the floor. Making her yelp in surprise "It's that you liked the abuse he put you through, is that it? Did you enjoy it when he'd slap you around."
"No, NO!" she cried out while pushing his hand away. "I hated it! Every time it hurt and made me feel like garbage!"
"And yet you stuck by him all these, all that time you wasted being his bitch, how does that make you feel now Harley?"
She looked away with a depressed look. "A complete waste of my life."
"Atta girl, you need anything, water, time alone?"
"I just wanna be left alone and crawl under a big fat rock."
"No need for the rock part, you can stay here as long as you need to. But if you're going to move on for good I think it best if you ditched the clown suit."
"Right." she spoke before practically tearing the suit from her body and tossed it aside before laying on the couch in her light blue lingerie while curling up.
Jack grabbed the remains of the costume and folded them in his arms. "There's an incinerator in the basement. I'll dispose of it before I leave."
"Whatever." spoke Harley waving her hand while looking at the wall with a blank expression. "As long as I never see it again."
"I'll be back in an hour, do you want me to get you anything while I'm out?" Jack asked he grabbed his keys.
"Something to fix the gaping hole in my heart."
"Heh, I'll see what I can do. Help yourself to whatever you need until I get back, and please don't do anything rash or crazy. Oh! And uh….you can use one my shirts if you wanna just enjoy the view without giving people one of your own."
She let out a sad sigh as she heard the door shut to show he was gone.
Jack made his way to the basement and walked over to the incinerator that was used to heat up the lower levels of the building. He grabbed the protective gloves and put them on before opening the door. The heat of the ever burning fire was almost enough to make him sweat. He held the clown suit in both hands and looked at it one last time before throwing it into the flames and watched it burn. "Farewell, Harley Quinn."
Back in the apartment, Harley walked around while just feeling light and having no real emotions in mind. She saw herself in the bathroom mirror and walked over before leaning over the sink. "What happened to you?" she spoke to her reflection. "You had it all, a great job, a planned future and career, but you just threw it all away for someone you thought you loved, but all he did was lie and beat you while yapping a complete fake sob story. And all you did was refuse to admit it was abuse. 'Oh he just has a rough way of showing love'. All you did was lie to yourself about the truth because you were scared about leaving him, well guess what? He's not here anymore, he's dead, completely dead. He can't hurt you, the city, or anyone ever again. And are you really wanting to be the only poor sap to moorn that bastard for the rest of your life?" after her rant she took a deep breath and exhaled. "God that felt good." she then took notice of her state of under dress and it was then she blushed with realization that she had stripped in front of a man just minutes ago. "Wow, I really am fucked up in the head. Better go grab something to cover myself with."
She went back to the master bedroom and looked into the closet. "Let's see…"
(1 hour later)
"Harley? I'm back." Jack called out stepping inside. "You'll be happy to know that suit is gone. Where are you?"
He looked into the bedroom and found her sitting on the floor with a box in her lap filled with everything he had on Joker. "Harley?"
"Hey Mista Rhyder," she spoke blankly as she kept her eyes on the article clipping in her hand.
"Whatcha looking at?" he asked walking over.
"A chronicle of the years I wasted." she replied without turning towards him. "God look at me, what was I thinking? How could I have let him get in my head like that? It almost makes me feel cheap and used."
"Think of it this way, now you can start a better life. You can try and get your old job at Arkham if you show them you're done with the criminal business."
"With a rap sheet as long as both my arms? I'd be lucky if they didn't throw the book at me."
"Hmm, well I won't lie and say they'll just forget all that." Jack spoke as Harley looked at him and gasped. "What?"
"Your hair, I-It's turning green." she spoke.
"Crap!" Jack bolted up and ran to his dresser and rummaged through the top drawer. "The patch must be wearing off."
"Do ya need me to do something?"
"No, I just need a new patch." he replied pulling out a small plastic bag. "Great, only one left." Jack rolled up his sleeve and peeled the old patch off his arm and tossed it in the nearby waste basket and slapped the new one on his arm. "Ah, how's my hair look now?"
"It's changing back." she said watching the green coloration fade to black
"Good, but I'll have to try and let Batman know I'll need more later."
"Batman! He knows where you live?!" Screamed Harley grabbing his arms.
"Well he is the one who gave me these patches, otherwise I'd be the Creeper twenty-four seven."
"Great, just great!" she threw her arms up before moving to sit on the bed. "Arkham, here I come." she whined and put her head in her hands.
"Easy, I'm sure talking with him will make him see you're done with the criminal business." he sat next to her and rubbed her back.
"Not after what Joker did to bird boy."
"Bird boy? You mean Robin?"
"Yeah." Harley huffed. "We turned him into 'Joker Jr.'"
"Wait, you mean like…"
"We wanted to start a family without the joys of childbirth." Harley rubbed her forehead. "We really screwed the kid up. He's probably scarred for life."
Jack sighed and rubbed his own head. "Alright, I see your point."
"I could always just leave Gotham." she shrugged. "Heh. You know it's funny, there was one thing I did enjoy about working for Joker, all the chases and getaways. I never felt more alive than I had in those moments."
"Hmm, wait, that gives me a crazy idea."
"I think I can handle crazy, let's hear it."
"Alright, but it might be moving a little fast." he said nervously and cleared his throat. "We become our own crime fighting duo."
"You and me?" she blinked.
"Why not? I've seen your moves, with a new identity we'll make a great pair."
"Have you ever actually gone out to stop criminals?"
"I helped bag you and Joker didn't I?" he tilted his head and smiled at her.
She frowned. "We were surprised that's for sure? I mean can you even keep your other self under control?"
"Oh definitely….well, mostly." he said none too reassuring.
"Well what about Batman huh? If we stay here he'll find me and haul me off. And isn't he the only one who can make you patches?"
"Yeah thats right….Oh hold on, there is someone who can help, My twin brother Keith."
"He can make the same patches to keep you in line? How?"
"He's a chemist who has his own lab a few states over. If I give him one of the patches he can make more by studying it."
"And if he can make more, you want us to move away from Gotham and become our own crime fighting team?"
"Either that or stay here where you'll likely be found and hunted like a stray dog. Word is people think you're dead, so it might be best we let them think that and get out of dodge while we can."
"Wait, they think I'm dead. Sure I took a nasty fall when I was fighting the batbrat, but if they think I'm dead…."
"Then if Harleen Quinzel is recognized just walking through the streets they'll know you're alive and kicking and call the cops the first chance they get."
Harley blinked and looked down at her hands. "Then I really am gonna have to change my name and move. Move somewhere so I can survive."
"Keith and I are still pretty close, he'll be happy to let us stay and he can keep a secret." Jack assured.
"But why offer me a chance like this? Why not just leave me be so you can live here and just relax for the rest of your life?"
"Because, we're both victims of that psychotic clown. Neither of us can return to our normal lives because of him. Also….. I always had a soft spot for gorgeous blue eyed blondes."
Harley looked at him in surprise before smirking. "Why Mr. Rhyder, are you trying to seduce me?"
"That depends, is it working?" he smirked back at her.
She leaned in and pecked his cheek. "A little, but I'm not gonna be quick to jump your bones. Last night was just because I was blitzed, got it?"
"I understand completely."
"Good." she smiled and leaned on his shoulder.
(Timeskip)
Creeper jumped up on the roof of a building and chuckled in his usual maniacal fashion.
"Someone's havin' fun." chimed in a female's voice.
"Oh yeah, nothing like a romantic moonlight run across the rooftops."
"I think you just like starin' at my new costume."
"What can I say it's hard not to look, Doll Face."
Said persona smirked with a hand on her hip. She had white makeup with red circles on her cheeks meant to resemble blush with a blue hat on that hid her true hair. She was dressed in a pair of knee high boots with green and purple striped leggings and a jean skirt, and a blue and white striped sleeveless shirt under a jean vest. "Gotta say, the nights been quiet so far."
"Well we could fix that real fast." grinned Creeper draping an arm around her waist while wiggling his eyebrows.
A burglar alarm went off not to far away and the woman pulled his arm off. "Let's go!" she said before running off.
"Damn! Cock blocked again, oh well better luck next time." he grinned while running after her. He ran past her and let her jump on his back before he jumped from rooftop to rooftop. "Let all evildoers fear the wrath of the Creeper! And Doll Face!" he called before both laughed at the thrill of the night job.
