Part XXIX: Pride and Love

Jessie held her breath and tried to contain her nervousness. It was another roller coaster ride of emotions as she was about to do scenes with her estranged "wife." She wasn't nervous about the rumors that are starting to spread within the cast and crew. She was nervous about her scene with Katie. She saw her walk in silently into the set. Katie neither said a word to her nor shot her a glance.

It hurt her but there was nothing she could do.

She did put herself in this situation.

She breathed out and started to read her lines. Although facing a huge problem, Jessica Sammler was still professional with her art.

"Are you ready?" Grace asked putting her hand of Jessie's shoulder.

Jessie gave her a nod and shot Katie a glance.

The brunette was detached. She was sitting quietly on her chair, reading her scripts.

August clapped his hands and yelled out.

"OK BOYS AND GIRLS LET'S DO THIS!" He walked towards Katie and leaned in to whisper.

"Are you comfortable to do these scenes?" He asked.

"Yes. Why wouldn't I be?" Katie asked back looking at him.

"You've been tense all week long…" He replied.

"I'll be fine." Katie said with a smile.

So after a few minutes, they started shooting the scene.

"Don't look at me like that…" Jessie mumbled, taking her gaze away from the brunette.

Her heart was beginning to pound relentlessly on her chest: Fearful and at the same time excited. She didn't know what would happen next. Her anticipation concealed by her eyes which seem to stray themselves away from Katie's gaze.

"Why not? They look at you the same way I do…"

"No you don't."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean more to you than you're telling me… Your eyes tell me so."

"Is it my eyes or because of the things she told you?"

Jessie looked up and met Katie's eyes. They were warm and endearing. She missed the look on the brunette. But she wouldn't go astray with her lines.

"Both."

"I'm happy with what I have with you. I'm not asking for more."

"But in the back of your mind you would always hope for more. I can't put you through that."

"I have been doing that since the day I met you. What difference does it make?" Katie shook her head.

"Because now I worry about you… I can't hurt you… And I won't…"

"Right…" Katie answered sarcastically.

Her eyes became angry. Jessie saw it and felt pain in her heart once more. Everything seemed real again. Katie paced around the room as Jessie watched her.

"So you're saying we can't be friends?" Katie asked looking back at Jessie.

"I'm not saying that…"

"But I can't spend time with you?"

"Because I will only hurt you…"

Katie ran her fingers through her hair and let out a deep sigh. She turned to Jessie and began to speak.

"Why are you doing this to me? I'm just trying to be a good friend…" Katie said trying to contain her real emotions.

But her expression was sad.

They stood in silence. Jessie was waiting for Katie's next line. But the brunette didn't say them. She just stood there, looking at her sadly.

----

Lily was cooking dinner when the phone began to ring. She hurriedly wiped her hand clean and answered it.

"Hello?" Lily asked in a warm and friendly tone.

Hi Mrs. Sammler.

"Katie?" Lily asked and looked at her wrist watch.

"It's a little late there honey. You should rest…" She added taking a seat on the dining chair.

I'm fine Mrs. Sammler… I just... Need to talk to someone…

"Lily. Call me Lily, Katie… What seems to be the problem dear? Is it about work? Or Jessie?"

A little bit about Jessie… I just wanted to ask… Should I feel… Betrayed… If I found out she lied to me… Am I allowed to be angry?

"Of course dear… Everybody has the right to be upset…"

What if… What if… I felt being led on by the sweet nothings… Then end up as the receiving end of one big lie…

"Katie… There are a few different types of lies… Lies that intentionally hurt people… Lies that are said not to hurt people… Lies for someone's own benefit…"

There was silence for a moment. It was as if Katie was thinking on the other end of the line. Lily just waited and stood up to check what she was cooking.

I don't know which one is it…

"One thing I know is that… Jessie loves you. And that… She's adjusting to the fact of you two being married… It takes years to make things work…"

But isn't honesty essential?

"Yes… But we go astray sometimes… I'm sure you made mistakes in the past… Right?"

Yeah… But I've never been through this… Much…

"Whatever you're dealing with Katie… It's just amplified because you love Jessie. She loves you too. She's probably worrying about you. You're supposed to work things out… Not get a divorce when times get rough. When things are beyond working out… That's when you have to think about things…"

What if the marriage itself is a problem?

"Don't ask that question Katie. Marriage is just the beginning. It's the mark. It's a certificate, for the whole world to know how much you love each other. You're trying to make things work with the person you love. You're just starting Katie."

----

Jessie stirred on the bed and turned around to glance at the bed Katie used to be in. She looked away, swallowing hard. She didn't want to cry anymore.

Just then her phone rang. She lazily took it from the side table and flipped it to answer.

"Hello?"

Jessica Sammler! You've got some explaining to do. Where is your marriage contract?

"Mom… It's 2AM… Can we talk about this later?"

You are not going to hang up on me young lady!

"Night mom…" Jessie flipped her phone and sighed.

She turned her attention to the invitation she has received: Some party that Tara was, again, hosting.

"I miss you…" Jessie mumbled, burying her head on the pillow.

----

The night at the party was as extravagant as always. But Tara did know how to handle the press. Katie arrived late and by her lonesome. The eyes of everyone in the room have turned to her as she entered. She just gave them a smile and continued to walk towards the bar.

Grace who was beside Jessie alternately looked at her stepsister and her "wife."

"Are you still having your couple-ly arguments?" The brunette asked as she watched Jessie drinking coke.

"We're trying to work things out Grace…" Jessie shot her stepsister a reassuring smile.

But deep inside, Jessie wasn't sure if Katie would forgive her. She wasn't sure if things will work themselves out.

Just then sounds were emanating from the speakers. A slow sad song to Jessie's ears. She turned around and saw people starting to go at the dance floor. August even came by to take Grace's hand to dance as well: Leaving Jessie by her lonesome.

There are days when I regret it
The things I said to you
I put my trust in no one
It broke my heart and I blamed it on you
You were kind and oh so gentle
But I refused to see
That someone like you existed
I was somewhere in denial
While you were loving me

Jessie found herself looking at Katie who was talking to Tara. Although the other girl was extra beautiful tonight, Katie didn't seem to notice. Jessie smiled even though hurting. As of the moment she wished she was Tara. At least Katie would talk to her.

I cried myself to sleep last night
When I woke up
There were tear stains on my pillow
It hurt so much to sacrifice what I gave up
Without you in my life
I will always feel lonely
Losing the love
From someone like you

Feeling her eyes burning up, Jessie closed them and breathed out. She took her gaze towards her glass: Utterly concentrating on the fixture.

Not a day goes by without something
Reminding me of you
The truth is that I miss you
It gets so hard not being with you
There are times when I go crazy
In the twilight of the night
How I long to be your woman again
There's pain that I hold
That will not let me go

On Katie's part, she just wanted to feel Jessie close to her. She was hurt but at the same time still very much in love with the blonde. She would just glance at Jessie from time to time. But it seemed to her, the blonde was engrossed with whatever drink she was having.

"I miss you..." She silently told herself.

I cried myself to sleep last night
When I woke up
There were tear stains on my pillow
It hurt so much to sacrifice what I gave up
Without you in my life
I will always feel lonely
Losing the love
From someone like you

Katie turned to Tara again. What she was babbling about, Katie didn't really know. It seemed that she zoned out and would only think of Jessie in the moment. She smiled weakly before looking at her drink.

She was giving up something if she followed Lily.

She was giving up her pride.

I don't wanna make this too hard
But I just wanna be where you are
In your life, by your side, forever

Jessie slouched on her chair breathing out heavily. She turned to glance at Katie who was seemingly listening to Tara. She let out a small smile: Wishing the brunette would smile back at her. But she knew she wouldn't. She hurt her too much to make her smile again. She turned to her glass again. And with one final gulp she finished her coke. She took her bag and stood up.

"Fresh air…" Jessie whispered to herself before stealing a glance at her shining star.

"I love you… Remember that…" Jessie smiled and turned away, walking out of the club.

I cried myself to sleep last night
When I woke up
There were tear stains on my pillow
It hurt so much to sacrifice what I gave up
Without you in my life
I will always feel lonely
Losing the love
From someone like you

As the song ended, Katie felt a sudden ache in her heart. She turned around and found the chair that Jessie sat on empty. She looked around, worriedly, but there was no sign of the blonde she was hoping to see.

"Something wrong Katie?" Tara asked putting her hand on Katie's shoulder.

"Uh… Nothing… I'll uh… Just call it a night. I'm tired." Katie replied looking away from her ex-girlfriend.

"Well ok… See you tomorrow at the set?" Tara leaned in but Katie started to walk away.

She waved at the fleeing brunette, embarrassed. She was hopeful Katie was going back to her.

But Katie was going back to none other than Jessica Sammler. At least, that's what Katie's heart is screaming for.