A/N: We sincerely apologise for any sudden meteor showers that plummet down on those unfortunate to live near any branch of Microsoft, however it (and specifically Windows 8) has caused major frustration in Chimerean and supernatural vengeance has been summoned seeing as one can't deal the corporate monstrosity in a civilised fashion. While the Rinn-half owns an XBox and is quite fond of it, the Helena author is swearing a full-blown boycott against everything and anything Microsoft has so much as blinked at. The person who thought up Windows 8 may need to consider fleeing for their lives. Knives are being sharpened.
Also, on a completely unrelated subject, Within Temptation ftw.
Chapter 28
"You're going to have to trust me," Helena was saying, her voice tense, but her eyes very sharp. "I'm going to need you to do exactly as I say if this doesn't work."
Dr Karin Chakwas looked at the ginger, at the determination and the stark fear that warred in her eyes. Her mouth was set, but her hand trembled as she spoke, every gesture sharp.
"What will you expect of us?" Miranda asked, her tone colder than Karin would've anticipated her using for the ginger. "Have you given any thought to how you're going to turn her?"
It was no secret that Helena had spent most of the night in the AI core. Chakwas had expected her to look tired, but the truth was she had a look in her eyes that reminded the doctor too much of Jack.
Helena nodded slowly, her features twisting to a grimace. "I don't think I'll get her as I did the last time," she said. "If that thing can reason, it will figure out that I didn't mean a word. I told Rinn as much and the husk will have her memories I'm sure of it. If that thing thinks with half of Rinn's intelligence it's going to figure out five seconds into my play what I'm trying to do."
Play, Chakwas thought. That's the look that I don't like. Jack approaches everything as if it's some sort of game. Helena seems to think of this as the same.
"What are you going to do?" Katelyn asked beside Karin, speaking up for the first time since they gathered in the infirmary. Miranda's latest readings suggested that the husk was close to waking up. She had given her a final sedation, but Karin knew from experience that it wouldn't last long.
I'm going to have to monitor Rinn's organ function after this, the doctor thought with a cold pit in her stomach. We might do her liver and kidney damage...
Helena had let out a slow breath and then, to Karin's surprise, smiled. "Call the husk's bluff if it comes down to it," she said quietly. "I've been thinking about it, going over what happened on the base." Her gaze dropped to the floor for a moment. "The husk thinks it's right and, it wants me to see it that way. This is going to sound silly, but I think she cares about me. I think she still does, regardless of the form she's in." Helena took a sharp breath, steeling herself. "I want... if your machine fails, Miranda, I... I'm going to use that."
There was a dark horror in Miranda's gaze for a second and Karin felt her own chest clench at the thought. Miranda made to speak, but the words left the doctor's mouth first.
"How, Helena?" she queried.
She didn't like the feral look in Helena's eyes. "I'm going to make her mad," she pointed out. "I'm going to make her... furious at me. And, if Miranda's machine doesn't work, I want you to let her out. If she attacks me, Rinn will stop her."
Karin could only look at Helena for a moment, shocked by what she heard and she wasn't the only one. Katelyn spoke up, surprise clear in her voice and for the first time since the two met, Karin saw her looking at Helena almost gently.
"Helena, you don't know that," she said softly. "It's not a risk I'm willing to take."
The ginger turned to her surprised, her gaze desperate suddenly. "Look, I got her into this," she said. "It's my risk; my choice. I've dealt with that thing before and it is not as simple as throwing a switch if her buttons doesn't work." She motioned her hand in Miranda's direction. "You have to trust me in this. You have to follow my lead as you did when you decided to let us switch the machine off. You can't back out now, it's gone too far. If this doesn't succeed, we won't get her back."
When Katelyn still didn't give her approval, Helena closed her eyes and shook her head.
"You asked me to step up when the time was right," she said. "To show you that Rinn's trust in me was not displaced. Please, don't call me out so soon. She trusts me to bring her back. If there was another way, an easier way, I would've taken it."
The silence in the infirmary was so thick that a turian wouldn't have been able to breathe it. Karin looked from Helena to Katelyn, feeling the power struggle between them, the argument that had taken such a different turn from the last time she bore witness to one. She could feel Katelyn's concern, her worry and she could see the dark fear that passed between her and Helena. Regardless of how well they got on, they both cared very deeply for Rinn.
But to face that thing, in such a way, to let her out…
Katelyn inclined her head ever so slightly and the moment broke. Helena closed her eyes and let out a breath. Her face pulled in pain for a moment but then she straightened herself and gave them all a steady look.
"Thank you," she said simply and turned to the AI room. Her departure brought Miranda to life who shifted in her spot.
"Kate…" she stared, but the commander turned to her, motioning her to silence. She waited for the door to close behind Helena before she spoke.
"I won't let her near her, Miranda," she said simply, her features pained. "Don't worry. If it comes to what she suggests, I won't let the husk get close enough."
She glanced at Karin, her eyes troubled. "I want you on standby in the infirmary, Doctor," she said and took a steadying breath. "If it's not too much to ask."
Karin became aware of her own beating heart, of the fear and nerves that turned inside her.
"Of course, Katelyn," she said and looked to the AI core.
"Of course."
The question Helena was asking herself was whether or not lightning struck in the same place twice. Waiting in the darkness, sitting against the wall in the spot that she had occupied for most of the night, she wondered whether she had bitten off more than she could chew and whether her ego had gotten the best of her.
Can I get her back? She thought worried as she looked at Rinn's sleeping form. Can it be called sleep? It isn't really.
It didn't feel like sleep. It didn't even feel like a coma. Rinn felt… dormant. Not Rinn anymore, Helena thought as she rubbed her face, trying very hard to still her nerves. She won't be Rinn when she wakes up. That much Helena did know. She let out a slow breath and rested her head against her knees, wondering when Katelyn and Miranda would join her.
Not that they can help, not really – but I guess they have to see this.
She was about to close her eyes when she felt it. It was a moment, a pause. Terry Pratchett would've called it a susurrus. It was her favourite word and now… now it frightened her.
The husk was awake.
Looking up at the husk-like human, Helena exhaled and pushed herself up, not breaking her gaze away from the glowing green eyes that stared at her from across the AI chamber. She set her features to cold neutrality and walked forward, praying that EDI had already alerted the Normandy crew. Legion's ocular eye followed her as she moved, but it didn't interfere. Helena didn't know what Katelyn had explained to it, but the geth rarely acknowledged her presence. It didn't even seem to be aware of the husk for the time being, but Helena had no doubt that it would fire on it if it needed to. She knew from experience that the geth could move very quickly.
"Well," the husk hybrid murmured. "Here we are again."
Helena stopped within arm's reach of the barrier, her whole body telling her that it was the last place she wanted to be.
"Here we are indeed," she said and smiled at the husk. "Our perspective has certainly changed though. But that's what you wanted, right?"
It only took a second, but Helena saw what she wanted to see in the husk's eyes.
Rage.
So contained. Bottled. So ready to be used. She knew that it was there, she always known that it was in Rinn. It had come to her in the mine, that bitter anger that had followed Helena's every move, that resentment that she would never admit to herself from Helena deciding not to pay her wishes any mind.
Rinn of course, would forgive her. Had forgiven her. The husk couldn't.
"Indeed," the husk murmured and smiled, her eyes so unnaturally bright. "Seems I'll just have to break you then to get out."
Yes, Helena thought. That's the idea.
"I doubt it," she countered. "Nobody's breaking anybody today."
The husk chuckled, but her eyes were sharp. "You're very sure of yourself with only the tin man to keep you company," she said. "Brave of you, Helena."
Of course, the trick with the conversation was not to let the husk get under her skin. Helena smiled and shrugged, not appearing to be too bothered by what the hybrid was saying.
"For the time being," she pointed out. "Katelyn's on her way. No doubt."
The husk chuckled, but her gaze shot upwards to where the shield connected to the ceiling. Looking for a way out.
"No doubt?" she said. "Since when do you have faith in her? Since your visit to the hospital? You two've been ever so cosy since your return. Or is it simply the eye of the storm?"
Helena almost snorted. Eye of the storm, she thought but shrugged. "We've come to an understanding," she said simply. "And I've never doubted Shepard." She smiled. "But you believed that I did, didn't you?"
She could tell that she didn't quite fool the husk who leaned forward, closer to the barrier. "I know you doubt this Shepard," she said, her gaze focused on Helena. "You doubt her choice to send you away. And I'm pretty sure it comes from her. Miranda wants to…" Her teeth showed in what could've been a smile but wasn't. "Keep you close. I always thought there would be sparks between two people like you and I can tell there has been. You liked Yvonne so much. Did she kiss you?"
Helena could not control herself. Her face fell as a thought struck her. Am I simply a character as well?
The husk in contrast looked delighted. "Or no," she said. "You kissed her. Never a moment's passed that you didn't miss, Helena, I'll give you that. Oh, hello Commander."
The title was said with respect, but no one could miss the mocking in the husk's gaze. Helena glanced back to see Katelyn and Miranda come into the room, their features tense. She couldn't imagine why it had taken them so long to join them and wasn't sure suddenly if she wanted them in the same room as the husk.
This was a mistake.
"Come to see a show?" The husk wasn't done with Katelyn yet. "Have your fortunes told?"
Helena started to comment, but surprisingly, Katelyn spoke first, her tone cold. "As I understand it, you don't know the future," she pointed out. "That's why you wanted her." She motioned to Helena who had to take a silent, steadying breath before gathering herself and facing the husk again. The hybrid's gaze was fixed on Katelyn, her eyes hungry.
"And that's why you want her as well," the husk murmured. "I can tell. You crave her knowledge like I do. You want her to soothe your fears. And she denies you because the fact is that the truth is more dangerous in your hands than in mine." Her gaze returned to Helena. "The plot twists might unravel and doom you all. Isn't that right, story teller?"
The words chilled Helena and again she doubted herself, realising that she had risked exposing their past to Katelyn. The commander didn't need to know the future. All the husk had to do was expose their past and this whole endeavour might backfire. What would happen if Katelyn realises that she was created flawed by the very person she was trying to save?
"Whether it should not be in yours or mine doesn't really matter right now, does it?" Katelyn said, her tone still low. "She's beyond either of our reach."
Helena felt a twitch in the back of her back and glanced around to see Miranda looking at her. How long are you going to let this continue? Her gaze seemed to say.
Fuck me, Helena thought. I don't know.
She turned back to the husk and tried to listen to her, to try and see what was bothering her. And, what might make her crack. I need the husk angry, not Rinn.
"And for how long will that be?" the husk purred at Katelyn. "How long until your self-control dries up and you try to break her? Don't tell me you won't, Commander. In your eyes, she has about as much value as a person than any batarian has." She sneered. "And we both know you hate batarians. It's all but written into you."
Katelyn was about to reply, when the husk gave a dismissive wave. "But alright, alright. Let's see," she rubbed her chin, her gaze a little bit sharper and Helena seemingly forgotten for the time being. "Hmm, whatever shall we talk about while we're all just standing here?" the husk murmured. "Lost friends? Dead colonists? Keeping the reaper?" Her sharp grin widened. "Did you think about it, Commander? That you, the Hero of the Citadel, etc. etc. are responsible for keeping the first human reaper alive?" The husk raised her palms as if considering two objects in her hands. "First human spectre," she looked at her left hand, then turned her gaze to her bandaged right. "First human reaper. Hm, perhaps there is a sense of balance to it."
Helena could feel Katelyn's surprise, but didn't dare interfere. Think, Helena, she thought. Think. Listen to her.
"I might've kept the base," Katelyn said beside her, her voice like stone. "But I know that I destroyed that thing."
The husk laughed. Katelyn didn't expect it, but Helena had and it made her angry. You do not have the power here!
"It is just a machine," the husk pointed out. "It can simply be powered back up. For all you know, Cerberus is doing that right now. And it lays there, waiting for you. For us."
The human reaper, Helena thought. She had never kept the base in any of her playthrough's, never bothered to find out what happened if Shepard gave Cerberus the base. She could never make her Shepard betray her own code like that. It was the same with Samara. As curious as she had been about Morinth, she could never bring herself to kill the justicar. And, with the base destroyed, she had never given the human reaper another thought as it had surely been destroyed. But, in that sense – the husk was right. The reaper could just be… powered up.
And even a dead god can dream.
Something was scratching at her. Something… Something she knew was worth knowing. She could feel Miranda's eyes burning into the back of her skull. End it! But… not yet.
The husk had still not looked at her, all its attention, all its malice focused on Katelyn.
"Why is it, Commander, that people always have to die for you?" The husk murmured. "Your dear brother Thomas on Mindoir. Lieutenant Kaiden Alenko on Vimire. Has Ashley ever forgiven you for that?" Helena could feel Katelyn start, felt her own heart lurch at the revelation. She glanced at the commander and saw her pain, saw her open her mouth to argue and then realise the twisted truth in the husks words. The creature grinned fiercely and stepped closer to the barrier. "And have you ever bothered to ask Miranda Lawson how many people had to die before they got everything they needed to make your resurrection possible? You are a reincarnation of death. All you need is a cloak and scythe to keep it classic."
Helena moved, pushing Katelyn out of the way slightly and positioning herself between the husk and the commander. There is pain in the truth, but only if you let it touch you.
"Stop it," she said at the husk. "Really, that parlour trick won't get you anywhere. You know those answers are irrelevant. The end justifies the means and it's certainly less than the reapers sacrificed to create one of their own." Helena's eyes narrowed as she studied the husk, her glowing eyes and the frustration so nearly hidden. She doesn't want to be here, trapped. And she knows her people won't come for her.
"Tell me, who controls you?"
The husk raised her brow and turned to Helena, her mouth twisting to a smile. "Such an interesting question," she murmured. "They never really explored what the reapers are, did they?"
They did, Helena thought. And it was a fucking bunch of bullshit.
"No, you fool," she snapped and allowed that irritation to show. "I'm not talking about the reapers. I'm talking about you. You're clearly not one." She showed the husk her teeth in what could've been a grin. "You're obviously somebody's puppet, but it's not quite the reapers', is it? Not Harbringer's, otherwise you wouldn't have needed the collector to give his message to me."
She could tell that she had caught the husk off guard, her gaze conflicted as she turned to Helena with a sneer. "I am nobody's puppet," she said. "I am a willing servant to the reapers. I chose to serve them!"
Helena snorted and shook her head. "Not willingly," she said. "If you were such a great mastermind of your own fate, you wouldn't have been held at bay on the base. Rinn would not have been able to come back. She just broke the strings your masters attached to your arms, your mind. Truth is she's the only individual." She sniffed and made a dismissive gesture with her hand, using the moment to glance at Kate to see if she was alright. The commander was still staring at them, the horror of what the husk had said not quite forgotten.
I'm sorry, Helena wanted to tell her. I shouldn't have let her at you.
But, the truth was, she had needed that time to think. The end justifies the means.
The husk transformed before their eyes, but it wasn't perfect. She hunched down, dropped her gaze and clenched her hands in fists. "You… You mean, why don't I…" She spoke in Rinn's voice, unsure, soft, "I continue being a… stuttering, stammering whimpering piece of meat?" The last wasn't soft, but ended in a sneer. There was a flash of hate in the husk's eyes and Helena knew. She hated being Rinn. Even Rinn sometimes hated being Rinn. "Really, Helena, why do you bother with that? Bother with wanting that back?" The husk was back, the image of her friend faded.
Grinning, Helena smiled. "Because she's better than you," she said. "I don't know what convoluted sense of self-worth you have, but as that stammering, stuttering, sometimes foolish piece of meat, she is better than you."
The husk took a step towards the barrier and there was… something in her eyes as she glared at Helena. "I am her!" she said. "Don't you see it Helena! I am Rinn talking to you! I am not some other person residing in this body, I am your friend. And I am better! Do you have any idea how it feels to be… to be so stupid. To be so slow. You have your mind, your imagination and your quick mouth. Like that I have a slow tongue and a tremble." Her gaze snapped to Katelyn. "That's why I turn to the reapers because they took that away. For once in your life, you have no idea what you're talking about and the only reason I think you want the old Rinn back is so that you can control her, like a reaper."
Touché, Helena thought and had to tell herself that it wasn't true. She serves the reapers!
"I want her back because she is in control of herself," she pointed out. "You are just a puppet, a programmed husk not even directly controlled by the reapers themselves. You're just an omnitool with hair, you can never be anything else."
"I am enlightened," the husk said in a very dangerous tone of voice. "You just haven't seen it for yourself." It was anger, but it was also frustration. It was that frustration that Helena had sensed in the pod, the husk's need to have Helena see her way. Her need to prove to Helena that she was wrong and that the best possible future for her was at the side of the reapers.
And, maybe it was, Helena thought. She had no idea what lay at the end of the world. If this future followed that of the game, it all led to the kid anyway. Every single action, every single choice. But she also knew that Rinn had hated that ending as much as she had and had said that she wanted to change it. She didn't know how, but she had needed to.
But, what Helena knew was that her friend had faith in Katelyn and that, in the end, it was better to die than live as a slave. That was, after all, what Shepard had said to Saren on Virmire. Helena had not played the mission but she had watched in on YouTube. She knew what Sovereign had said.
"The geth who worshipped Sovereign thought they were enlightened," she pointed out. "Turns out it was simply a programming error. One so easily corrected by simply reprogramming or destroying them. And if you remember correctly, even Sovereign thought them nothing more than a mere annoyance. A tool which he used for destruction. Not a god, just a programmer. That is what you are to the reapers: a tool with programming."
The husk was getting worked up now, having taken another step closer to the barrier. "I am not like the geth or the collectors," she spat – her clear distaste for both races tangible. "I am beyond anything they are, beyond anything the reapers thought I would become! I am unique! One of my kind! I am what will become the future of all of you. You should be afraid, Helena…"
The ginger snorted and made a dismissive gesture with her hand. "Please," she retorted. "I'm not afraid of a shovel." She turned her back on the husk in dismissal, pretending to prepare to leave the room, but what she wanted to do was to look at Miranda. This is it, she wanted to tell the woman and hoped that her gaze did as much. The Cerberus officer's lips were very thin as they made eye contact, but Helena could tell that she was ready. She got to walk two steps when she heard a noise against the shield.
"You should be afraid, Helena," the husk said in a tone of voice that made her shiver. "Because they know about you now. They know everything about you that I did. Your fears, your insecurities. And your knowledge. I might not be able to remember but they know that you understand the key elements to turning this coming war. And they will come for you. There will be more of me, more like me – and they will all come for you."
Save me, Helena thought and knew that she was afraid. And that she would be afraid every day until the reapers were defeated.
"Like the good little shovels that they will all be," she said and turned around to face the face of her friend. "Clones of you, with the same programming. Unique? I think not. More can be created, so yes in that sense you are our future, because we can simply be moulds for new shovels. And I'm not afraid because I know that you will be there to protect me."
The husk slammed her hands against the barrier again. "I will take you to them!" she snapped. "Don't make the mistake of underestimating me, Helena. I am not one to be ignored like you tend to do. First chance I get, I will give you to them!"
Save me, Helena thought again, but stilled her fear, hid it, burying it deep inside her where she could hopefully forget.
"Of course you will," she said in a patronising tone. "Haven't you been paying attention? That is in your programming. That is what you are programmed to do. You will take me to them, but in order to that, you will keep me safe. You will protect me from all harm, because they want my mind. They can't turn me into a shovel, they'll destroy the only thing in me worth having."
The husk pressed herself up against the barrier and Helena knew that the moment would come soon. A part of her couldn't wait, couldn't wait to see this conversation's end. How much had we revealed? How many of our hands have we played? But, a part of her also knew that she was still too close to the shield.
"Do not overestimate your value!" the husk spat. "The reapers will obtain victory without you! I will move on without you!"
Helena snorted and made a dismissive wave with her hand. "You will only move when your masters tell you to," she said dismissively. "You can't speak for yourself because when they snap their fingers, you jump regardless of all your bravado."
"I am not something to be dismissed," the husk snarled, slamming her hand against the shield. "I am not something to be patronised! You can patronise that whimpering fool all you want, but you will hear me Helena! A mind can be broken! Yours more easily than others because you are already half mad with isolation. And it will grow and fester in your mind, all the words that you cannot speak!" She slammed her fists against the shield again, her gaze fierce and filled with hatred. "And I will not be there to protect you! I will not save you from yourself any more than I will spare you from the reapers!"
Helena interrupted her with a shout. "I don't believe you!" she snapped at the husk and, in her mind, it was the truth. The husk cut off at her shout and simply stared at her. Helena took the moment to grin at her and she knew that it was mad and feral.
"I don't believe you," she said, her voice softer, but her veins burning with adrenaline as she saw the fury build in the husk's eyes. You don't like being interrupted. You don't like being dismissed. You like your voice way too much… "You care about me. You cannot turn that off like your memories. And you fear that. You fear my power over you. Because you will never be stronger. I can see it. I know you." She took a deep breath, smiled at the husk and then turned to Miranda.
"I'm done here," she said and turned her back on the husk. "There's nothing worth seeing. Flip the switch, I know what I need to know." When Miranda met her gaze, she shook her head ever so slightly. Not yet, wait.
There was a sound behind her of fists hitting the shield. "You don't know me at all!" the husk snarled. "I will make you eat those words, story teller!" She had lost her temper, but it was more than that. "You cannot turn your back on me!" It was fear that spoke the loudest. Fear of the truth, of the unknown. Helena knew that fear, had heard it in Rinn before. It had been the foundation of their relationship here. It had started with uncertainty of a dark mine and had been cemented when they came out of that first elevator, still thinking that they would be able to escape the carnage.
We both know we won't make it together! Rinn had told her as she had almost violently pushed the ginger away when they exited. Stop being such a stubborn bitch and go on!
Perhaps in a lot of ways, they had never left that moment and stood facing each other across the windows of time, refusing to leave, knowing they couldn't stay.
Helena felt her world slow down as she met Miranda's gaze. She didn't need to shout, didn't need to make any kind of sign. "Drop it," she whispered and Miranda heard her. The Cerberus agent closed her eyes and lowered her hand to the console. Helena took another breath, her world spinning as she turned back to the shield. She saw her friend's eyes in the glow. Saw her friend's fear. The husk and human became one in a split second, conflicting, angry.
Afraid.
And ready to fight.
The shield flickered and dropped and the husk, carried by instinct and momentum, pushed forward, coming straight towards her. She was still too close to the shield, but it didn't matter. Not really. Still, she took a step back as the husk came for her, murder in her eyes.
"Now, Miranda!" She shouted and she wasn't the only one.
Katelyn's voice had joined hers and then the commander was there between them. Between her and the husk. Shepard opened her arms as if to embrace Rinn, but the determination in her eyes spoke of something else. If she doesn't turn,Kate's going to kill her.
Helena opened her mouth to scream, but her voice wasn't the first to cut through the air.
Nothing had changed, nothing could be felt but in her next step Rinn toppled and started screaming, her hands clawing up to her head. She would've fallen to the floor had Katelyn not been there to catch her. The commander wrapped her arms around her and bore them both to the ground. Rinn had grabbed her head, red lines already appearing beside her temples where her fingers had managed to scratch at the surface of her skin. Helena remained frozen where she was, hearing her friend's raw scream as it still filled the AI room. Hers had died, her voice stolen by what she saw and the distorted memory of watching this happen before through the glass of the pod.
Rinn was writhing on the ground, trying so hard to get out of Katelyn's grip.
"Don't touch me!" her screams began to form words. "No! Let go! Get back! Don't touch me! God, just kill me," she moaned. "Just kill me."
Katelyn seemed to be struggling and looked up desperately, her gaze finding Miranda's. "Lawson!" She pleaded and lost her grip on Rinn's one arm. "Help!" The arm snaked up to Katelyn's, trying to tear the commander's arms away from her body.
"Let me go!" Rinn hollered, still thrashing. "Don't touch me, let me go! Get back!"
Miranda pushed past Helena a second later and grabbed Rinn's free arm. Her body obscured Helena's view, but the ginger knew that she was sedating Rinn. It was all they could do to stop her from harming herself, all they could do to make her stop screaming.
"Kill me!" Rinn sobbed now. "Miranda, you promised. I can't... I can't... be like this. Please... please. "
Miranda ignored her and Katelyn, still clinging to Rinn, spoke first. "No," she whispered. "Not you. It's okay. It will be okay now. I promise." The hybrid began to lose her strength, the sedative rapidly taking a hold of her system. Making her weaker, but no less calm.
Having a soul hurt.
"I can't live like this," Rinn whispered and, when Miranda shifted to look at Helena, she revealed her friend's face again. Her eyes made Helena sit down, her legs simply giving way underneath her as she came down to her knees. She wanted to reach out to Rinn, but couldn't, the look in her friend's eyes stopping her.
"Helena, please," she begged as she quieted. "Just let me go."
Helena wanted to deny her, but couldn't, her mind still back in the mine. There were so many times she could've done so. She could've left Rinn when they were in the elevator with Ramsey. She could've just let her die there, to face the fate that she had chosen when she leapt back to save a stranger. Later, Helena could've run for the door and she probably would've made it. Or, she could even have let go in the base, simply stopped fighting her friend and allow her to take her own life.
She could've let go in all those moments. But she didn't then and she wasn't going to now. So she shook her head, watching as sleep finally took Rinn. For a moment, nothing was said, the only sound in the room their rough breathing and the soft hum of the machinery. Then Katelyn, breathing heavily, shifted away from the now sleeping hybrid and carefully settled her on the floor. Her green eyes were wide and there was blood on her arm when Rinn had clawed at her. When her gaze looked up to meet Helena's the gamer couldn't quite tell what was in them.
"Are you okay?" Kate demanded. "Helena?"
Helena honestly didn't know how to answer that, but nodded. Kate nodded tightly and glanced at Miranda who got up quickly and opened the door, letting Chakwas in with a gurney. The look in Chakwas's eyes told Helena that she must've watched to the whole thing.
They have to delete that video.
"Legion, come and help me," the doctor barked. "We have to move her. Helena, get back."
Helena didn't get up immediately, not quite remembering how. Then Legion stood over her and suddenly, there were too many people too close to her. She fumbled up, made it as far as the wall and then sat down again, her legs trembling with adrenaline. She watched as they moved Rinn to the gurney, Legion and Katelyn doing most of the lifting. Miranda was already scanning her, barking orders at Chakwas about which tests they needed to run. Helena watched them all, her stomach turning and her mind...
Completely empty.
She thought to try and get herself up when they pushed Rinn out of the room, to demand to know where they were going to take her, but the answer was obvious. Simply to the infirmary, to the next room. She thought that everybody would leave, but Katelyn stayed behind, her silhouette in the door as she watched her people. Then she rounded on Helena and, for a moment, the ginger thought she was going to have to fend off another monster.
"I have half a mind to throw you in there," Shepard barked and pointed her finger at the empty brig. "All that you know, all that you both know." Her green eyes were wide with fear as she turned to the infirmary again. "And what she knows, the reapers know – regardless of whether it's the future. They know my past. They know me better than I know them, thanks to her." Her gaze was livid as she rounded on Helena again.
"How?" She demanded. "Helena, how is all of this possible?!"
Looking up at her, Helena didn't know how to reply. She didn't even know how to fight back and Katelyn could see it. The commander closed her eyes and took a deep breath, running her hands through her hair.
"Helena," she spoke again and her voice was quieter this time. "I'm sorry. It's just," she sighed. "Don't... don't answer that. Are you okay?"
Not knowing what else to do, Helena nodded and started to push herself up. Katelyn made to come closer to help her, but stopped and simply studied her. Upright now, Helena leaned against the wall, closing her eyes as she tried to gather herself.
A mind can be broken.
She almost started laughing.
I think mine already is.
"Helena?"
Helena swallowed and nodded, realising that she had to reply. "I heard..." she began and realised that her voice sounded hoarse. Clearing it, she took a steadying breath.
"I heard... a rumour that Dr Chakwas keeps brandy here somewhere," she said softly. "Do you think I can have some?"
Kate sighed and smiled at her, but it didn't reach her eyes.
"If she doesn't, I'll spare you some," she said. "I feel as if I need a pint."
They settled Rinn back in the starboard observation room when they were done with their tests, having confirmed that the conversion was a success. Miranda watched from the door as Helena stood over her sleeping friend, her features unreadable as she finally went down on her knees before the cot, caressed her friend's face and carefully put a kiss on her forehead. Her features twisted with pain for a second, but then she closed her eyes and took a steadying breath, settling down on the floor beside the cot. She didn't look as if anything would convince her to leave Rinn's side.
Sighing, feeling run down with adrenaline, Miranda turned back to Katelyn who was standing beside her, her eyes narrow. She had been very quiet throughout the testing, having taken Helena back to Samara, probably to get her out of the way. Miranda watched her now and couldn't help but get the feeling that she was very angry. She didn't quite know how to reassure her. The results spoke for themselves, Rinn's brain patterns had completely reverted to their default state.
She was herself.
When Katelyn turned away from the door, Miranda followed her, sparing Helena one last glance as the ginger rested her head on her knee. She quietly hoped that Helena would get some sleep after this, but she doubted the woman would allow herself the luxury until her friend woke up.
"Are you sure your tests are accurate?" Kate asked when the door closed behind them. "Are you sure she is herself?"
Miranda sighed and nodded. "As much as the parameters of science can measure individuality yes," she pointed out. "She thinks as Rinn. I guess that would be our definition from now on."
That anger that she felt in Katelyn seemed to pulse, but the commander kept quiet. Studying her, Miranda motioned her to her room, guiding her across the crew deck. They were alone for the time being, all of the repair crews on the outside of the Normandy.
"What's wrong, Kate?" She asked when they were behind the privacy of her sealed door. "Are you okay?" She remembered Rinn scratching at Kate's arm suddenly and instinctively reached out to take the commander's arm. Shepard pulled away from her and walked to the window, her features filled with shadows.
"Kate, did she hurt you?"
The commander's hands tightened into fists as she crossed her arms over her chest. She seemed to consider her words carefully before answering. "I didn't know that she was going to be that way," she said quietly. "I honestly didn't expect it to be..." Her gaze turned up to the ceiling, her hand moving away from her chest in a movement almost symbolising flight. "Even with Kelly's transcript, I thought the husk would be..." She paused. "Less complex. I expected it to have less of Rinn's faculties." Not more than what we've seen from the human form, Miranda thought. "I didn't expect her to go that way." Her gaze narrowed. "Helena should've warned us."
Miranda grimaced, feeling Kate's anger and understanding it. The words spoken in that room had revealed more about the two than Miranda suspected Helena would ever have divulged. The depth of their knowledge, their understanding of the journey that had brought Kate to the point where she was, was frightening. It can't be precognition.What is it then?
"She did say that it would be difficult, Kate," Miranda said quietly. "She had... warned us in a way. I think she thought we would understand what was necessary bearing in mind what she had needed to do the last time."
Shepard rounded on her, still furious. "She didn't make us understand!" she snapped. "Helena is like a chameleon, Miranda. She reveals what she wants on her own terms. For fuck's sake, we should just get her to tell us everything! I am tired of playing her games! People could've gotten hurt! She put us all in danger!"
Miranda blinked, not knowing Kate to swear. She took a moment to consider her reply, then shrugged, studying the commander's reaction.
"Kate, that's what you gave her permission to do," she said quietly. "To help us, on her own terms. This is what you created. And, I know it was difficult to see, but what happened was necessary."
The anguish on Kate's features broke her heart as the commander rounded on her. "Miranda, if she hadn't turned, I resolved to kill her!" she said. "I was going to kill her. That's what would've happened if Helena's stunt didn't work."
Miranda made sure to keep her reply neutral, but felt her own sadness.
"Kate, I had resolved to do the same," she said. "I was ready to. Whatever they know, it can't be in the hands of the reapers." She felt her gut twist for a moment and looked away, thinking of the husk's threat to Helena. We're going to have to put some detail on her. What if what it said was true?That the reapers will try and claim her? "And I hate to say it, but I think that that's what Rinn would've wanted too. She wouldn't want to live that way, she's said so several times." Miranda sighed and shook her head. "It's all that we could've done for her."
Feeling Katelyn's frustration, Miranda dared to take a step closer. "Can I look at your arm, Kate?" she queried. "Please?"
For a moment, Kate stood still, then sighing, she finally uncrossed her arms and came closer to Miranda, holding out her arm. The XO could see that Kate had already washed it, but there were still four very clear and bloody scratches visible. She grimaced and gave Kate a pointed look.
"Well," she said dryly. "I think you'll live."
Katelyn smiled bitterly and pulled her arm back. "I won't let Rinn see these," she said and sighed, her anger dissipating. "What now?"
Miranda shrugged and considered to move away from Kate, but remained where she was for a moment longer. "That's up to you, Katelyn," she said quietly. "I know that... This has changed a lot of things."
The commander grimaced, but was silent for a few moments.
"I'll ask Liara if she wants to leave tomorrow," she said. "Let's get Helena sorted. I don't care if she protests about the timing, she's going. Rinn..." She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "I'll talk to her. Deal with her when Helena is gone. What are you going to do?"
Miranda sighed and shrugged. "My job," she said honestly. "I have to catch up with the Illusive Man. Give him an update – but not on this," she added quickly. "And I want to go over this morning again. See if there was anything we missed. Run more tests on Rinn..." She trailed off. "I have a lot to do."
She could sense Kate's appreciation and for a moment the woman reached out and briefly touched her arm. "Miranda, thank you," she said again. "For everything. Let me know if there is anything I can help you with."
Miranda smiled slightly and shook her head. "I'm fine," she said and gave the commander a look. "Get off the Normandy for a bit, Katelyn. Clear your head. Go drink coffee with Liara. Or Chakwas. Or both. But get out. I can handle things here."
The commander smiled at her and seemed to take what she said to heart, already moving to the door.
"No doubt, Miranda," she said. "Of that, I have no doubt."
Through the headache of her emotions, there was a song in her head. Lost in the darkness, the words echoed in Helena's mind. Hoping for a sign. Instead there's only silence. Can't you hear my screams?
She tried to resist the urge to cry, but found herself blinking tears regardless. Letting go of Rinn's hand for a moment, Helena wiped at her face and then took a steadying breath, realising that the last thing she needed to do when Rinn woke up was cry. I might anyway, she thought as she finally pushed the urge away. I'd just be so glad to have her back...
But, she knew that in a way, she would never get her friend back. Never see her again. Whoever woke up today would forever be changed. Forever distorted by the curse she carried within her. It made Helena feel terrible and she found herself wondering about the price of escape. She had wished for escape all her life, all throughout her youth, in the past few years in her job. She had really wished for escape from her job, which was where Mass Effect had come in.
The irony was, now that she had it, she wasn't all that sure she wanted it. And, whether escape was worth losing a whole world over. And a friend.
The song continued in her mind.
Never stop hoping, need to know where you are. But one thing's for sure, you're always in my heart.
She realised that she had almost started crying again, her gaze focused on the wall above Rinn's head. She was alone in the room with her, except of course for the two AI's. Now that they knew the machine worked, Samara didn't seem to be necessary. She would come back later, Helena knew. This was her room after all. Letting go of Rinn's hand, she took off her glasses and rubbed at her eyes again. Unfocused, the world felt smaller and strangely better. She chose not to put her glasses on again and carefully placed them on the floor, shifting them in underneath the cot to keep them safe.
When she took Rinn's hand again she realised that her friend had started stirring, her fingers tightening in Helena's. The ginger watched the woman's features for a moment, decided she was still a few minutes away from full consciousness and turned her attention to Rinn's injured hand. It had a lighter bandage on than the previous day and Helena wondered if Miranda had taken the time to change it while Rinn was in the infirmary. The sight of it made her cringe. Looking at the definitions, she got the impression that nearly half of Rinn's hand had been shot away. The first three fingers appeared whole, but by Helena's guess, the ring finger was a little more than a short stub and the little finger completely gone.
She thought about her shoulder, about the challenges that she would face and realised that she had to consider herself lucky. She wasn't maimed at least.
What will happen to us?
She felt Rinn stir again and looked at her friend's face to see her open her eyes. The dark-haired woman carefully curled herself up into as tight a bundle as the cot allowed, her gaze searching the observation room before they rested on Helena. The ginger was happy to see that her eyes were pale-green at least.
But, they were also resigned. Helena shuddered when she remembered the way Rinn had looked at her after she had managed to stop her from committing suicide. This look in her eyes reminded her of that moment. She held onto Rinn's hand as she had to her legs when they were so close to the edge. She held onto her because she was worried that, if she let go, she would lose her forever.
She felt Rinn squeeze her hand and finally spoke, in a whisper softer than Helena had ever heard her speak.
"Hi."
Well, Helena thought as she clenched her friend's hand. At least she's still speaking to me.
"Hey," she replied and tried to smile, not sure what else to say. Rinn studied her for a moment, then looked around the room, probably noticing Samara's absence. She took a breath to speak then exhaled slowly and looked at Helena again.
"You okay?"
What a question, Helena thought. She tried to smile and say that she was fine but looking into Rinn's eyes she knew that her friend would've seen the lie immediately. She knows I always lie when asked that question.
"I have a headache," Helena confessed softly, thinking that it would say all it needed to say. "A whopping one." She sighed suddenly and tried to smile. "But, what's new? You? Are you okay?"
Rinn paused, her features once again becoming very quiet as she considered her reply. Finally, she sighed and nodded slowly. "Yeah," she replied and looked away. "I'm okay."
And here you lie to me, Helena thought sadly and briefly let go of Rinn's hand so that she could pick a piece of hair out of her friend's face. She shifted a lock of black hair behind Rinn's ears, her gaze finding the nail marks the woman had left on her own face. It made her grimace and take her friend's hand again quickly, that fear of losing her pulsing against her skull.
"That won't happen again," Helena said, feeling the need to reassure her friend. "This is it."
She felt Rinn frown, but the woman kept her composure and simply studied her. That sad resignation was back and Helena could immediately tell that she didn't believe her. But, she was kind and didn't call her bluff.
"At least we know it works," Rinn said with a half shrug and sighed, her gaze finding the machine that was quite close to her cot. Helena followed her gaze and squeezed her hand.
"Miranda's working on a way to get it mobile," she pointed out. "Then it will..." What? Helena thought. She'll still need it. "I guess then things can get more of a semblance of normality."
Rinn studied her, nodding slowly. She started to push herself up, but upon consideration, she seemed to decide to remain horizontal for a bit longer. "It's all such a mess," she murmured. "Can we even expect a semblance?"
Can we live a normal life in a world that doesn't exist?
The question hit Helena hard and she had to struggle to keep her composure. "I hope so," she said and meant it. "I have to hope so."
Again Rinn studied her and it struck Helena that her friend looked older as she nodded slowly. "Is Katelyn okay?" She queried. "I... did I hurt her?"
Taking a deep breath to get her emotions under control, Helena shook her head slowly, but grimaced. "Shepard's alright," she said. "Livid with me. Furious." She snorted, but her stomach clenched in fear. She's the one monster I don't have an off switch for. "She was ready to throw me in the brig for that stunt." She could see that it didn't answer Rinn's question completely and tried to smile. "She's alright though, don't worry."
She felt Rinn's grip on her hand change slightly as her friend traced her thumb over it, her gaze worried. "It was one hell of a risk, Helena," she said, not exactly chiding her, but definitely voicing her disapproval. "I can't tell you not to pull a stunt like that again, but..." She trailed off and sighed, her gaze searching Helena's. "You're probably going to wave it off if I try to apologise to you, aren't you?"
Helena's first reaction was to do just that, but she stopped herself and clenched her friend's hand, hers trembling. "I..." She began and tried to keep herself together. "I'll accept it, if you accept mine. Please." May this be the last time that I will ever have to apologise to you here.
Rinn's features were gentle, her gaze filled with understanding as she nodded. "You know I will," she said softly. "Always."
Again, Helena had to fight the urge to cry and vaguely wondered what the hell was wrong with her. She nodded slowly and brought Rinn's hand closer to her mouth. Kissing its top lightly, she dropped her forehead on their entwined fingers. "I am... very sorry, Rinn." She whispered the last and was worried that her friend wouldn't hear it, but Rinn did. She heard her shift before she felt her friend slowly pushing herself up. Rinn didn't really move her hand, but slowly rested her other on Helena's head. She allowed it to rest there for only a second though before she pulled it away.
"It's alright," Rinn said softly and then her voice strengthened. "I'm still going to call you a stubborn wench though," she added jokingly. Her hand briefly returned to Helena's head, her fingers touching what was left of the ginger's hair. "I forgive you, Lena. Think you can do the same for yourself?"
Her words almost made Helena laugh and in that one moment she really appreciated her friend. Rinn, more than anybody else, knew how incredibly hard she was on herself. Even in the life before, she was the person who always told Helena to breathe, to focus.
To be kind to herself.
"I dunno," Helena confessed as she looked up and didn't know whether she should laugh or cry. "I don't know..." She tried to judge the void inside her. "I don't know what I can and can't anymore." The moment she said it, she felt guilty. Your friend is living with a demon inside her and you whine about what you can do? "I'm sorry," she said, sobering. "I shouldn't be whining. I have nothing to whine about." She tried to smile at Rinn. "I'll try. Thank you." She met her gaze. "I can't do this without you. That I do know."
She found that Rinn was smiling at her and could once again tell that her friend didn't believe her, but still wasn't about to call her bluff. "We're in this together," the hybrid said instead. "So, we stand together, we whine together. Okay? Don't stop talking to me, Lena." She seemed to get an idea and glanced at the wrist that had her omnitool. "We should figure out if this thing has a chat function. Then I'm not in your pocket anymore, but clinging to your wrist."
When Helena chuckled, Rinn smiled at her and shifted up. "Do you want to sit here?" she said. "You're going to get a crick in your neck."
Helena smiled embarrassed and shifted her limbs into acting, fishing her glasses out from underneath the cot. She took a deep breath, then allowed Rinn to help her manoeuvre onto the cot. They sat together in silence for a bit, staring out of the window into the empty space of the docking bay. Helena found herself truly wishing that Rinn would get a chance to explore the Citadel. Her friend would love it.
They had let go of each other when they moved, but now Helena found herself reaching out to Rinn again, carefully entwining her fingers with her friend's. The woman watched the movement, then carefully tightened her grip on her hand.
"You can't always be the strong one, Lena," she said quietly. "If we are… If we are to make it here. Let me… or someone… Let someone in. Tell me when you're struggling. You can say when you do. I know this… wasn't what you expected."
Helena smiled sadly and sighed. "Nothing ever is," she said quietly. "So much for their so-called precognition." She looked out to the rest of the doc again, leaning against Rinn. "It is significant though. An impossibility created. We shouldn't be here yet, we are."
Rinn smiled sadly, but said nothing, her mind clearly working in another direction as her gaze touched Helena's hair again.
"Lena," she began finally. "About what I… What the husk said… I…" She paused and seemed to gather up her words as Helena found her heart rate increasing ever so slightly. They will come for you. She held her breath and watched as Rinn bit her lip. "I can't… if this machine stops…"
Helena started to protest that it wouldn't when Rinn seemed to give up on that train of thought and turned to look at her, a frown on her features.
"I'm going to do everything I can to make sure that what I said in that AI core doesn't happen," she said quietly. "I can't make promises or guarantees… It's not like I can check whether I'm okay like I can check my pulse, but…" She trailed off and shook her head, her fingers tightening on Helena's. "I'll do everything I can not to have that happen."
Including kill herself if she has to, Helena thought sadly as she considered her friend.
"I think I made her mad, Rinn," she said quietly. "I went out to do that, but with a reason." She smiled sadly and looked away from her friend. "Rinn, I trust you even as that husk. I made her mad, but I still don't think she'd have harmed me. Given me a good pounding for what I said, but I was asking for it." She looked where their hands were entwined, allowing herself to think of everything that had happened to them in this world. Of the mine, the trip to the Normandy, discovering that Rinn was turning into a husk, the collector's base. She allowed all of those memories to flow through her mind.
"I trust you to have my back," she said finally. "I will never stop trusting you."
She felt Rinn's surprise, felt the magnitude of what she had said slip over her friend and settle in her mind. The dark-haired woman blew out a breath, but didn't know what else to say.
The song came back to Helena's mind, it's words so strong that she found herself singing softly. Perhaps to herself, perhaps to Rinn.
"I'll find you somewhere, I'll keep on trying, until my dying day."
Rinn recognized the song, surprise and appreciation on her features as she blushed and smiled at Helena.
We'll be okay, Helena thought as she returned the smile and then settled against her friend, breathing deeply as she tried to come to terms with all that had happened. The song did not leave her however, the final lyrics whispering in her mind.
I just need to know, whatever has happened, the truth will free my soul.
"So, I'm taking Helena tomorrow?" Liara queried as she studied the wine in her glass. "Is she ready to leave, Kate?"
It was strange, but the answer was important to her. Liara had spent a lot of time thinking about the human woman especially after meeting her. And a part of her plight did resonate with the asari. She had meant what she had said to Helena when they first met, that she understood what force Shepard was to contend with.
But, from what she had witnessed with Chakwas, Liara had come to realise that the strange ginger was no less of a force herself.
As she always did when she spoke of Helena, Katelyn looked down, avoiding her gaze. It was the strangest thing, but Liara got the impression that she always wanted to hide what she felt about the ginger, as if her emotions shamed her.
In your eyes, she has about as much value as a person than any batarian has, the hybrid had said, referring to Helena. And we both know you hate batarians.
But Kate didn't value Helena so little, Liara could see that. It had been a barb – a painful, heart-tearing barb – but only that. Only a way to strike at Kate's emotions, at the weaknesses that she never managed to forgive herself for, at her past. It was a pain Liara wished she could soothe, but didn't know how.
"I don't think that she will ever be ready to leave her friend's side," the commander pointed out, studying her own beer. "But, it has to be done. So it might as well be sooner rather than later." She took a sip from the glass and looked up, beyond Liara and the few faces that occasionally looked their way. Despite the privacy that this little restaurant offered, it was still apparent that people knew who Katelyn was and took every opportunity that they could to stare. Liara wondered if it bothered Katelyn and then, upon closer inspection, decided that it did.
"And do you think it's a good idea to remove her from Rinn's company?" She queried. "Do you think it's safe?"
Katelyn looked up at her, her features unreadable as she considered the question.
"Yes," she said finally. "Miranda's assured me that she can now monitor Rinn's state of mind. She got some good data from… the husk."
It was that pause that touched Liara. That hesitation to give the monster a name. She studied her friend, remembering the creature's words.
"Why is it, Commander, that people always have to die for you?"
She had watched it all with Chakwas and had been shocked by what she heard and saw. That thing is dangerous.
"Kate," Liara said finally when the silence between them stretched too long. "Are you okay?"
Blinking, Katelyn seemed to realise that she had gone quiet. "Hmm?" she queried. "Yeah…" She trailed off and took a sip of her beer. "It's just… with everything that happened today…" Her green gaze turned upwards, beyond Liara – most probably to the memory of the AI core. "It's just a lot to process."
Liara nodded, still studying her friend. "I can understand that," she said and swirled her own wine in its glass. "Some of what… they said." She grimaced and finally gave voice to a thought that had been bothering her ever since she heard of the two. "Katelyn, have you ever considered that they might work for the Shadow Broker?" When she had Katelyn's attention she carried on quickly. "That is how they could get a lot of that information. And, how it might be possible for them to be completely off the grid. The Shadow Broker is in league with the collectors. They could've known of the attack on the Normandy through that. And the collectors might've known what Sovereign said to us."
Katelyn grimaced and seemed to study the white line on the top of her glass. "I have," she said finally and grimaced. "But, how do you explain the mine? How do you explain the circumstances we found them in? The circumstances they managed to get themselves into? I am hard on Helena, I know this. But with both of them… I can't see Rinn as an agent."
But Helena…
Liara decided to push the subject. "They might not have been meant to reach you," she pointed out. "Picking them up might've been purely coincidence. The Shadow Broker's agents are like Cerberus, not all of their projects are necessarily bad. Not all of them are necessarily good."
Katelyn snorted. "I doubt every agent on Cerberus knows my dead brother's name," she pointed out darkly. Liara, sensing her pain, reached out and rested a hand on her wrist, a part of her still grateful that she could do it simply because Katelyn was alive. Katelyn had paused when Liara did so, then carried on, her tone more comforted.
"If it wasn't on purpose," she continued – referring to their extraction from the mine. "Why would they have had access to that information?"
Liara didn't really have an answer for that. Nor did stating simply, You're Shepard.The Shadow Broker's agents had searched for your body… feel like right to point out. She let go of Kate's hand slowly and took a sip of her wine.
"I don't know," she said quietly. "I guess… I just want to make sure they don't harm you, Kate. That they don't intend you any harm."
She loved the appreciative smile on Katelyn's features that made her usually stark features soft and warm. "I don't think they do," the commander said with conviction. "If they were planning something, or even acting on the trained instinct of an undercover agent, I'm pretty sure Miranda would've picked up on it. She's had her fair share of undercover work, I'd imagine. She would've recognized the signs."
Thinking about the Cerberus agent and how much faith Katelyn had put in her, Liara had to smile. Trust Kate.
"True," she conceded. "And I doubt Ms Lawson misses anything."
She felt Kate study her for a moment, trying to judge her tone, then she smiled – fondly – and shook her head. "Not if she can help it," she replied. Liara once again studied her, wondering how well the two human women worked together. Then, her mind returned to what had been said in the AI Core and a chill travelled down her spine.
"I think what just disturbed me was…" Liara began. "When they mentioned Kaidan." And your brother. "And, the way they spoke about Sovereign. It was… as if they had been there. As if they had been on Virmire. Had listened to Sovereign with us."
Katelyn nodded and played with her glass. "It's as if they were with us during everything." She confirmed. "I've always felt that way about Rinn, as if she should be in my memories. As if I could close my eyes and see her on Virmire. Or find her on the burning Normandy…" The commander shuddered visibly as did Liara. That had been the worst day in her life. They both dwelled on the memory for a bit until Liara sighed and motioned to the waiter for another glass of wine.
"Well," she said quietly. "I won't push the matter for now, but I'll keep an eye on Helena and, eventually, Rinn if she can come to me. I understand that you trust Miranda Lawson, but I think that there are other eyes and ears on your ship regardless. If it is true precognition and the Illusive Man so much as catches a whiff of it…" she trailed off, not needing to finish the sentence.
Kate nodded and, when the waiter joined them again, also motioned for a refill.
"Which is another reason not to have them on my ship and to get them somewhere safe," she said. "I really appreciate this, Liara. You have been..." the commander's eyes locked on to hers as she paused, for a moment seeming to search for an appropriate term. "A true friend."
Liara nodded, but a part of her felt sad, thinking that – if life had been different – she could've been more than friends with Katelyn Shepard. And they both knew that.
"I will do what I can for them," she affirmed. "You don't have to worry, Kate." She tried the new glass of wine and smiled. "Now, let us discuss something else. The night is still young and we haven't even decided what we want to eat yet." She smiled at the commander. "They're not everything, you know."
The word seemed to bring Katelyn some amusement and she nodded, agreeing. "That they are not," she said and smiled at Liara, calling up the menu they had neglected up until now. "I have heard however that this place's paella is…"
