Thanks for the reviews, and have a lovely week! Don't worry, within the dark times, there is light... Bare with me. :)
"Mmm… Mum's still not home." Meredith spoke into the phone while drying the dishes from the sink. "I haven't seen her once since you dropped me home three days ago... Yeah… Yeah... No… Well… I was about to walk to the supermarket. No, you don't have to… Sure…. 3pm? I'll come over. Alright. Yeah. Yep. Okay. I've gotta go, but I'll see you then. Thanks, bye Derek." Meredith hit the end call button on her phone, hearing a rustling from outside. She stuck her head out from the kitchen and looked through the glass front door to see her mother standing, rustling through a bag.
"Mum?" Meredith asked, opening the door, wiping her hands on her shorts.
"I've lost my keys." Ellis complained, pushing into the house.
"Aren't you hot in your coat? It's 90 degrees outside, Mum."
"What? No it's not. I'm fine. What are you doing home? You should be at school. I'm not paying your school fees for you to be skipping and not taking this seriously. You never take anything seriously. That's the problem with you Meredith! You take everything for granted!" Ellis was virtually yelling at her now.
"But, it's holidays. I'm on Spring break from college. I graduated school a few years ago, Mum. Don't you remember?" Meredith was standing really close to her mother now, looking into her eyes.
"Of course I do." She snapped back. "I'm exhausted. I'm going to bed. Don't be noisy."
Meredith stood in the foyer in shock and watched her mother grumpily trudge up the stairs towards the bathroom. As soon as she was out of sight, Meredith darted towards her mother's handbag, she had slammed down in her fit of furry. She dug around for her phone, pulling it out and running into the kitchen. She scrolled through her contacts to find the number of the new Chief of Surgery. She copied it over into her phone before quickly returning her mother's phone to her bag before she knew anything had happened. She vowed to herself that she'd get to the bottom of this as soon as possible. Meredith headed back into the kitchen, sliding her phone into her pocket. She grabbed her keys from the dish and rushed out the front door. She wasn't quite sure where would give her the most privacy to make a phone call, but she headed up to the local park. She breathed deeply to calm herself, as she paced through the trees, following the path until she summound the courage to call.
XOX
XOX
At five minutes to three, Meredith swiftly walked towards the elevators at her mother's hospital avoiding the eyes of everyone. She slid into the elevator, behind two gossiping nurses and three surgeons discussing their next procedure. She kept her eyes down to avoid any of their glances. By the time the elevator reached the 4th floor she was alone once more. She couldn't contain her nervous energy, she fiddled with the zip of her jacket as she dodged her way fown the corridor. She read the names on the office doors as she passed them until she came to the final door on the left. Dr Ted Barrheith: Chief of Surgery.
She knocked lightly, waiting for a response. She heard a voice welcome her in from inside, so she turned the door handle and opened the door slowly. She peered through the crack in the door to see Ted sitting back in his black leather office chair behind his desk, speaking into the phone. He smiled warmly when he saw Meredith and beckoned her to come into the room and sit down while he finished the phone call. "Perfect, I'll have Alison give you a call tomorrow with the figures… Yes… Thank you very much. Have a nice afternoon."
He placed the phone back in the holder and stood up.
"Meredith." He greeted her with a warm smile. "You're all grown up!"
"Well, I didn't have much choice…" She responded, smirking slightly. She starred at the man standing in front of her. He looked exactly the same as ten years before, but older. He wore the same smile, and the wedding ring still sat snug on his finger.
"Please, take a seat. Would you like a drink?" He asked, turning back to the jugs of water behind his desk. She nodded, and but her attention wandered out of the large windows flanking the side of his office. The view was worth a million dollars; she could see the entire city skyline. She was brought back into the room as Ted placed the glass on the table and slid it in front of her.
"I just can't believe it's been so long, and I'm really sorry that this is the reason we have to meet again."
"It's not optimal for anyone, I suppose." She nodded, taking a sip from the glass in front of her.
There was a knock at his office door and the door swung open to showcase a tall mahogany haired woman with slim glasses, chewing on a pen as she stared at the charts in front of her.
"Chief… Looking back over the files," she started, slowly walking in, still sceptically starring at the chart. She looked up and noticed Meredith sitting awkwardly in front of his desk and stopped, "Oh. Sorry. I'll, um, come back later."
"And lock the door behind you, please. This is a very important and highly confidential meeting and I can't be interrupted." He spoke with a very stern voice, and Meredith watched as the woman quickly nodded and left the room.
"Sorry about that, but now we won't be interrupted again." He began to flick through files from his desk drawer. Look, Meredith, I have noticed a change in the past few months and I've had a few attendings say things to me too. She yells at the interns just as much, and the junior doctors are too scared of her to say anything – so I'd say they haven't noticed. I've cut her OR time, and any she does do, I have been there. I've given her a grant for research. I have tried to steer her away from operating, and I had her assessed last week…"
"Assessed?" Meredith gulped. She felt her skin goosebump and she looked back out over the city.
"Yes. I'm really sorry, Meredith. I would have contacted you earlier, but, I was working up to it so Ellis wouldn't know. When you rang, I was relieved, but I couldn't tell you over the phone."
"So, what's the diagnosis?"
"Before I tell you, please know that this is not on you. I promise to help out and it won't be so hard."
"Ted?"
"It's Alzheimer's."
Meredith' heart stopped. She was in shock, but truthfully, she wasn't sure what she should have expected. Time must have passed because the next thing she heard was Ted's voice "Meredith, are you alright?"
"Yes." She whispered back.
"I'm so sorry."
"No…"
"Meredith, it's not going to bed better. I was hoping that we could discuss the future..."
"… Alzheimer's?" She whispered back, her mind was spinning. She couldn't quite comprehend the enormity of this word. They had done a unit on neurodegenerative diseases and disorders last semester, but all she could remember at this point was that it was incurable and it gets worse over time.
"Early onset. Meredith, I'm so sorry. Please remember that you won't be doing this alone."
"But I am alone. I have noone. My mother was the only sorry excuse for a family I had!" She cried out. People continued to pass by the office, only one glancing in as she spoke.
"Please Meredith, I am here to help. I've been looking into our options, and I do mean our. There's a home which I think would be a good idea, perhaps a little further along the line, but right now, I'm not sure what we can do. A few weeks back, she missed a shift at work, and since then she's been living her pretty much 24/7, so she doesn't do it again. There are always people around, and she is investing her time into research, so there is no need to worry."
"I can't leave. I can't go back to college."
"You can, and you will. Deep down, your mother knows there is something wrong, and if you threw your education away for that she would never forgive herself, or you, or me. You're going back, but you have to trust me that I am doing the right thing."
"I will come home every weekend." Meredith stated. "I'll skip my lectures on a Friday afternoon and catch the train home and come to visit, stay the weekend, and catch it back late Sunday night."
"No. You can't. Come back, say, once a month. I'll ring you weekly to give you can update. Maybe a residential option would be the best. Perhaps we could put in an application form for Roseridge."
"Okay."
"I sent over for the paperwork this morning and it has just come through by fax. I've looked over it, and I think this is our best option." He slid over a pamphlet and application form. Meredith scanned the front cover. Nothing unusual, she thought to herself. An elderly couple enjoying tea with a young, pretty aged care worker on a balcony. Roseridge? That would explain the roses surrounding them…
"I know this is a lot to take in, Meredith. Please don't feel like I'm pushing you into this."
"I know." She said. In the back of her mind, this had been ticking over for months. The symptoms had been present, she just hadn't connected two and two.
"It can't be easy for you." He said again, trying to gain her eyecontact. He ducked his neck down to try and catch her glance, but she wasn't willing to participate.
"In all honestly, sir, nothing to do with my mother has ever been easy."
He let out a quiet grimace, "I don't doubt that." She continued to read the documents placed infront of her, and he waiting quietly until she was finished. "I know that her finances are will be fine, she will have enough money to pay for this level of care."
"What do I need to do?" She asked quietly. He sighed and leant back on his chair, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Since her evaluation last week, she's been deemed no longer able to operate, so her position here has been changed to merely a research fellowship, but, I haven't told her this yet. I may not have told you the whole truth on the phone either. But, since you are over 18, and her 'mental capacity' has been deemed unsatisfactory to make legal decisions, you are now her power of attorney…"
"Sorry?" Meredith breathed, looking through the hair that had fallen over her face while she was reading.
"The situation is declining at such a rate that… I really think it would be safer to apply for this now." He tapped on the forms in front of her. "I just need your signature, and it will all be taken care of."
"…But how? I can't tell her. I… I just can't…" Meredith was beginning to get flustered, her eyes were becoming colouded tears of confusion and anger, "She will hate me and regret me even more than she already does… and she will hurt me again."
"I'm so sorry, Meredith." Ted stood from his seat and sat on the chair next to her, "I know none of this will be easy, and I bet this wasn't what you were expecting when you came home…But it will be for the best. When you aren't around, I'll visit her daily, take her new medical materials to read, discuss the hospital with her. I'll make her feel like we've just given her a new office space. A new residence."
Meredith looked over at Ted, he was really trying to make her feel better about this whole situation. A man she hadn't seen in over ten years was going out of his way to make her life easier.
"I have to be the one to tell her, I'll help her move in and do everything else that needs to be done. I'll come and visit too." Meredith stated.
"So, let's fill in these forms today and we can go from here. I can't say this enough, but I'm sorry that you have to deal with all of this."
XOX
It was 8:30 pm when Derek tried to ring Meredith for the fifth time. Every time before it had rung out. Meredith hadn't turned up at his house at 3, and when he went around to her house to check she was okay, no one was home. He hit the 'End Call' button and placed his phone on the couch text to him. Derek let out a worried sigh and turned his attention back to the television. His mother noticed his distress, and requested his help in the kitchen. He begrudgingly stood and followed her.
"She'll be fine, Derek. She's probably just with her mother. You have to stop worrying about her. To a girl like Meredith, it'll look possessive, and she'll just head for the hills."
"I know… But there is something wrong, I know it. I think it's to do with her mother…" he sighed, heading towards the fridge.
"As hard as it is, you've got to give her space. She'll come when she needs you."
"The waiting is the hardest part."
Meanwhile, Meredith was sitting on the couch at home, clutching the Roseridge pamphlet in her clammy hands. Her phone sat next to her on the couch, every half an hour ringing periodically. Derek's name flashed up on the screen, but she couldn't bring herself to answer it. She couldn't tell him why she had to avoid their date, why she had to crush her mother's life, and why she would be disappearing every few weeks from college. She had to avoid it for as long as possible. It may not be the best idea, she thought, but for now it is definitely the easiest. Her mother was still asleep upstairs, leaving Meredith to mull over the decision she had to make for her mother's future. She had to be strong. Strength, if anything was something she had learnt from her mother, and strength comes from independence. She didn't think that telling Derek everything was going to help. She could handle it herself.
She sat in silence for another hour until she was ripped from her mind battling by her phone ringing again. Derek. Meredith decided for a final time that it was enough. She answered the call,
"Hi."
Meredith! I thought you were lying in a ditch somewhere…
"No, I'm fine, but there's some stuff I have to do this week, so I won't be around."
What about dinner Friday night?
"I… I'm not sure yet."
Okay, well, the option is always open. You're equally welcome here anytime if you don't feel like feeding yourself.
"Thanks. Look, um, I can't talk now. I have to go. Bye.
Oh… Bye Mer.
Her mother had pushed her to the edge so many times, that she was beginning to voluntarily do it herself. She pushed people away, especially when she needed them most.
XOX
At 11pm that night, Meredith finally decided that it would be better to try and sleep, than stress about the days ahead, but by 3am, she was sick of lying down, so she decided to have a shower. The warm water cascaded down her back, but nothing could wash away the impending decision she had to make and the guilt that came with. The hot water surrounded her and she almost drifted off into a much happier place, until she was joulted by a bottle of shampoo falling from the ledge. She conceded and headed back to her bedroom. She saw her phone lying on her bedside and considered ringing Derek. Even at 3am, she was sure that he would be at her doorstep in seconds, but it was hardly fair to ask for his help if she wasn't going to explain why she needed it. She got dressed again and wandered back to the bathroom to return her towel. As she stepped back into the hall she noticed a dim light glowing downstairs.
Since she'd gone to bed, her mother had woken up and was sitting at the dining room table surrounded by paper. She had a cup of black coffee gone stone cold in front of her. The floor boards creaked under her feet, causing her mother to look up above her reading glasses.
"Meredith! What are you doing up?"
"I couldn't sleep." She conceded, sliding into the seat across from her mother.
"You look guilty. What have you done?" Her Mum pointed her pen at her, crossing her arms over her papers, "I'm not ringing up your principal again to defend you. One more strike and you're off to boarding school. Do you understand me?"
Meredith just shook her head, "I haven't done anything, Mum, and I'm don't have a principal anymore. I'm at college now. Pre-med, remember?"
"...I don't have time for this." Ellis snapped back, trying to defend herself and cover over her mistake.
"Please Mum. Teach me about what you're doing. I really want to know."
"You won't understand. You're too young."
"I'm an adult! I'm equal top of my class! My grades are perfect, I'm ahead in everything and I'm set to graduate a semester early. My mind is a sponge. I'm not five anymore, I'm going to become a surgeon." Meredith insisted, pushing her point.
"You live away from home, don't you..." Ellis replied, quietly. She frowned as she tried to think really hard.
"I live on campus. I have a roommate, her name is Cristina. We study very hard together, a lot. We're picked to be Valedictorian. She wants to be a cardiothoracic surgeon. She watches surgery tapes in her spare time for fun."
"Hm. She sounds diligent." Ellis nodded approvingly, her lips tight, "and your other colleagues..."
"My friends?" Meredith asked, "Well, apart from Cristina, there's Callie and Arizona. Callie likes bones. She's thinking orthopaedics, and Arizona is surely going to go into Paediatrics. Then there's Jackson. His Grandfather is Harper Avery."
Ellis smiled. Meredith was quickly gaining brownie points. "Then there's George. He's smart and has this way with people, he'll be perfect for patient care, and Mark, he wants to go into plastics."
Ellis rolled her eyes, "Fancy boy."
"Oh, um, then there's Derek." Her heart skipped a beat, "Derek, um, he wants to be a neurosurgeon."
"He must be a determined boy. Confident and slightly arrogant; Very strong willed." Ellis nodded, analysing the boy by his career aspirations.
"He is." Meredith swallowed hard as her mother studied her face.
"Hm. This Derek. Are you seeing each other?" She asked directly.
"Yes." She replied, glancing down at her sweaty palms.
"Don't let him or any boy stand in the way of your career."
"I won't, I promise."
"Good."
"So, please, teach me about what you're doing."
"Fine," she relinquished. "I have this theory, and it's taking me a long time to research…" As Ellis continued to explain her medical breakthrough, Meredith sat listening intently. Her mother's avid descriptions and broad knowledge drew Meredith in, as she painted a picture of discovery and inovation. "… Well, that's it. If only I could get some damned funding."
When Ellis' explanation was complete, Meredith was further overcome with guilt.
"You've got early onset Alzheimer's." She blurted out.
"My memory is fine, you don't know what you're talking about." Ellis relied, without even looking up from her papers.
"You were evaluated last week and your mental state is declining rapidly."
"Go to bed, Meredith."
"No!" Meredith was starting to get angry. She could never control her emotions around her mother, and now that she felt she was ruining her mother's life as well as her own, she was getting emotional. "I can't look after you, and even if I could, you wouldn't let me. We need to be honest and take care of this now. If I leave again and you have a bad day and get hurt or hurt someone else- I would never forgive myself. You have to trust me that I am doing the right thing. Ted and I… We found this place. It's right by the hospital. He said he would visit every day and there's a huge library, Mum. Perfect for your medical research. I don't need you to say yes now, but I need you to accept that this is your future. You need to trust that I am old enough to do the right thing by both you and me. If you're worried about your name, I won't tell anyone. It can be our secret. We will say that you're going broad to research or travelling… Or moving to another clinic. We will think of something. I'm going back to bed now, but I will leave the brochure on the table. Please look at it. Goodnight." Meredith stated in no more than two breaths before charging up the stairs towards her room before her mother could see the tears forming in her eyes. She swiped her phone from her desk and punched out a text to Derek.
One day I will explain about today, but I can't right now. I'll ring you tomorrow afternoon. Sorry. X
She hoped this would give him the relief he needed, without having to explain anything. She could barely understand it herself, let alone explain it to someone else. Instead of Derek's number, she dialled Cristina.
"Hello?" Her friend sleepily answered.
"Hey, it's me."
"What are you doing awake like 3am?"
"… It's a long story. In total, I can't wait to be back at college."
"That bad?"
"Mmm." She agreed.
"Do I need to come and kick Derek's ass?" Cristina asked.
"No, it's nothing to do with him…" She smirked, lying down further in her bed, laying her phone on the side of her face, "Just, everything else."
"Surgeon Mummy?"
"Mmm." She agreed. Cristina didn't know the half of it. Her mother was the root of her problems, yet in a totally different way than Cristina expected.
"Just tell her about me and how studious we are together. That often makes parents happy. "
Meredith let out a small laugh, "I did today, and you are right. It got me a few points." As they both exhaled sleepily, they lay in silence for a while, comfort coming from the fact that a phoneline kept them close. "It's only another week and a bit." Meredith reminded her friend, more for her own sake.
"And I'm counting down the days." Cristina replied. "Tequila party, first day back?"
"I think I'll need it." The silence stretched on, and Meredith let out a yawn, "Thanks for listening."
"Anytime…"
Bye, Cristina."
"Bye Mer, sleep well."
As she hung up her phone, she realised how much she missed her friend. She had the ability to understand without asking any questions. She couldn't wait to be back in her presence.
