Shizune is gay

Shizune was busy working on a new thesis for a local science magazine when she heard a tiny pebble hit her window.

"SHIZUNE! HEY, SHIZUNE! I'M TALKING TO YOU, YOU DAMN PUSSY-EATER!" It was Gray, and Shelby was most likely with him.

Shizune scowled and cursed under her breath; she was getting sick and tired of him trying to force her to take responsibility for a child she didn't even WANT to have. Swinging open the windows, she looked down and saw Gray waving up to her. Just as Shizune had expected, little Shelby was standing beside him, clutching tightly on the sleeve of his shirt. Shizu sighed in annoyance.

"...What do you want, you bastard?" Shizune snarled.

"I think it's only fair that YOU spend some time with OUR daughter for once!" Gray replied loudly.

"She's not my daughter!" Shizu snapped back.

"What are you talking about?! Of course she is! The tests don't lie!"

"She's not my daughter! She's not my daughter! I'll never love her! I never even WANTED any kids...!"

"You know, the whole 'in denial' thing is alright for the beginning stages of pregnancy, but, babe, we're way beyond that now...you should really stop being a prick and just accept the fact that we'll probably have to get married and raise Shelby together...as her parents!"

Shizune clutched her head in her hands as she screamed, "NO! NO! I don't want to be with a man! I'm a lesbian! A lesbian, I tell you! Leave me alone, you disgusting man-pig!"

"Lesbian or not, it still doesn't change anything...you gave birth to this child, and you have to take some responsibility for her!"

"...LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Shizune shrieked. She slammed the windows closed and that was that. Gray shook his head as he let loose a heavy sigh; there was just no getting through to her. Little Shelby thought about everything that just happened for a few moments.

"...Daddy, are lesbians always this crazy?" She asked innocently.

Gray suddenly realized something as he thought back to all of the lesbians and bisexual women he had come across in his life: Erza and her violent temper, Bisca and the fact she tried shooting him once, Mira and those inane smiles of hers, Canna going bat-shit insane after finding out people were giving her orange juice the whole time, and of course Shizune and the many times she tried to poison everyone up along with herself. Apparently, women go crazy whenever someone takes a peek at them. Gray made a mental note to be careful about that next time.

"Yes, honey...all lesbians are this crazy, so for daddy's sake, please don't become one, okay?"

"I'll try not to..." Shelby replied, shrugging.

Gray sighed. "That's all we can ever hope for..."

END

AN: Yes, Shelby is an OC