As Lexa watches Clarke and Kai finally drift off to sleep she remains awake. She simply closes the curtains to help keep the sunlight out, it's not dark by any means in the room but it is dark enough to get a decent sleep in. She places two furs on the sleeping bodies and returns to sit down in her chair. Watchful. She knows what will come, she just doesn't know when.

She begins to scribble away again in her small leather journal. She fills it with the events of last night. She confides in herself through the pages of the book. She puts her fears, her thoughts and her joy into the books pages whenever she needs the release, the solitude, the silence. On this morning there is no joy added to the book, this morning there is death added to it once more. There are fears and concerns inked into the parchment today.

She writes about Kai and her trip after Maks. She writes about how much guilt she saw in Kai and Clarke's eyes. She reads them easily; they both fear their own perceived failures last night. Kai feels guilty for Maks and Clarke feels guilty because it occurred under her watch. But Lexa doesn't blame either of them. Not one bit. She actually places a large portion of blame on Titus, as she should.

Kai was following the path she was shown for so many years by Titus, her words to Maks were meant to inspire him. She just had no idea how he would take it. Maks, a ten year old, made the wrong decision last night trying to prove himself as strong. Titus's lessons drove him into action just as Kai's did. The man inflicted damage without even being present. She doubts his ability to guide these children the way she wished she were guided. The way she is guided now, by her heart and head working as one. She knows her decision to ask Clarke to be fleimkeppa is sound, right, the only way they can set the foundation for their people to thrive in the future.

She plays a roll she may not understand fully yet. But Lexa sees it more clearly everyday. Clarke is the key to everything. She is flames, fire and life.

She is the future.

A couple hours pass and Lexa continues to scribble in her book. When Kai stirs in her sleep Lexa's eyes automatically find the girl and watch intently. She waits a few more seconds before Kai's breathing returns to normal. She wonders what exactly her dreams are about. Are they about failure, Maks, vengeance, killing or are they happy, filled with hope? She hopes for the latter but she knows, she knows she has stayed awake for a reason and happy dreams are not it.

She looks at the girls auburn locks of hair, the strong features, her button nose and the gash on her head. She takes pride in the strength the young Natblida is showing. Kai reminds her of herself, she thinks about her first kill and how she reacted. She remembers the whole night as if it were yesterday. Born for a life of battle and death she watched that first man die slowly; she saw the light dim and flicker away from his eyes as he choked on his own blood. A knife to his lungs, two swift strikes and that was all it took. Fifteen seconds to end a life. It sticks with you. You carry it always.

She thinks about her first perceived failure and how Anya talked her through it. She reminisces of the strong general she knew so well. Anya was with Lexa as long as she can remember. She knew her in Polis, she knew her in TriKru, and she knew her as her general before she ascended to the throne. Anya was family Lexa never took the time to fully understand until it was too late. When Clarke delivered her braid it was as if someone knocked the wind from her, she tried to hide it but she is certain Clarke read her emotions easily, even then. She loved Anya like an older sister.

She misses her.

A tear escapes and blots onto the page below her. She does nothing to wipe it away or hide them. She lets them fall while the memories overtake her:

"Heda, we need to leave," Anya says quietly behind her.

Lexa doesn't move, she watches the village burn in front of her. She's at the centre of it all. The smoke rises and billows in the autumn air. This was all at her command. The screams of pain she hears, the burning huts, the blood and the gore.

It was all at her command. The deaths, oh the many deaths she caused…

"She isn't here," Anya says gently. "The intel was wrong."

"I know," comes the reply. It's sad and heavy and full of disappointment. There's a longing inside her, a missing piece to her heart. She has failed.

"We'll find her."

Lexa shakes her head and watches a man crawl out of a burning hut. He's screaming and moaning in pain but he continues his death crawl. Lexa unsheathes her sword again.

"No. Not like this. I will not do it like this," Lexa says walking forward and ending the man's suffering with her sword through his chest. When she turns she finds Anya staring at her. There is concern in her eyes that Lexa rarely sees.

"You won't go after her?"

Lexa sets her jaw and shakes her head; "I failed her by losing her. I failed her by letting my anger and emotions fuel my need for vengeance, it blinded me. She wouldn't want this… she wouldn't want me to become this monster for her. She could not love me after this…" And there it is, the truth of the matter. Costia would never want the blood of innocents spilled in her name; Lexa has failed her in so many ways.

Anya bows her head. They leave in silence by horseback; the burning smoke and screams trail off in the distance behind her. Lexa swallows her tears. Somewhere inside she has begun to let Costia go.

It is the next day when she receives her head. A week later Azgeda is brought into the coalition all in Costia's name.

A small token to make up for her shortcomings. It doesn't feel like enough. It doesn't remove her guilt for losing her or killing in her name. She feels empty. Alone.

All alone.

That night, Anya reminds her that she isn't. She comes to her room and holds her tight, she lets her cry and scream and moan for her dead love. She tells Lexa she is not weak, she tells Lexa being vulnerable is a strength. She tells her she's proud of her. She holds her on the bed until long after Lexa cries herself to sleep.

Another stir and kick from Kai brings her out of her memories. Instantly, Lexa is up when she hears the whimper. Without missing a beat she has laid her book down and crossed the distance to the couch. Her arms comes out when Kai shoot awake with a muffled whimper.

"It's okay, you're okay," Lexa coos putting her hands under Kai's armpits and removing her from Clarke's side. She startles herself at how natural it feels as Kai scrambles to hold on and bring herself closer. She sits on Lexa's hips with her arms tight around her neck and her face buried into wavy brunette hair. Lexa walks her over to the bed and sits down with her back on the headboard, Kai on her chest and stomach. Her hand moves naturally up and down the little girl's back soothingly. "You're okay little one," she says gently.

A few minutes of soft whispers and gentle hand movements on her back begin to calm Kai.

"I'm sorry Heda," Kai whispers.

"There is nothing to apologize for."

"I am weak," Kai insists through a fresh wave of tears.

"You are strong Kai," Lexa says. "This is not weakness, this is humanity. You lost a close friend tonight, you took a life, you carry guilt and you mourn. That does not make you weak. That makes you fit to lead Kai. If you can't carry what you've done, if you can forget it easily you are not fit for leadership. The best leaders remember. We remember it all Kai."

"Even Wanheda?"

"Even Wanheda, she probably carries more than any of us, her emotions and ability to feel makes her great for leadership," Lexa confirms. "You are a lot alike you know?"

A sniffle comes from her neck, "Really?"

Lexa nods and smiles, her eyes are fixed on Clarke, "She would have done the same as you last night. Your actions, your bravery to go back for your people is exactly what Clarke would have done. She would have risked herself just as you did to save one life. Do you think she's weak?"

"Never."

"Then I'll tell you a secret," Lexa says, "you walk more in her image than you may think. You've been spending time with her for a little over a week, tell me do you not wish to follow her lead?"

"I would follow Clarke anywhere."

Lexa smiles, "So would I."

"You love her?" Kai asks while her tiny fingers play with Lexa's hair.

"I do. Does that make me weak?"

"No."

"Why do you think that?"

"You are Heda."

"Don't give me the answer you think I want to hear, tell me your true thoughts little one."

Kai is quiet for a few moments while she thinks. "Titus is wrong... Love can't be a weakness; Wanheda loves you and loves her people. You love her and love your people. It just doesn't make sense, love sounds more like a weapon to me."

Lexa smiles at the intelligence the girl shows. "You doubt Titus's teachings?" She's really curious now.

"…I reject them," Kai says sitting back to see Lexa's face. "He taught me to believe it was wrong and weak to show emotions, love and sadness are emotions… I yelled at Maks, called him a coward and weak. It did not make him strong - it made him dead. I loved him; I must have, why else would I have gone back? Why else would I have killed that man? Love drove my blade Heda."

Lexa pulls the girl back into her chest and hugs her close. "Love drives us all little one. It is a powerful weapon, I am sure you're right, love drove your blade." A few more minutes of silence went by but Lexa can tell Kai isn't ready to fall asleep.

"Did you want to tell me what your nightmare was about?" she offers. When Kai doesn't answer Lexa pushes gently by revealing her own truth, "it's okay to be afraid Kai, you will not be judged, not by Clarke or I. You're safe here."

"I'm not afraid," the girl insists but her conviction is lacking.

"I'm afraid a lot," Clarke's voice carries from the couch. The blonde rises and pads over with her fur to the bed, she crawls in beside the two and lays her head on Lexa's shoulder. Her head beside Kai's and looking into those ice blue orbs.

"Really?" Kai murmurs.

"Mmmhmm," Clarke says and moves her hand to Lexa's knee. "If you tell us what you're afraid of I'll tell you what I fear. I'll show you what helps me," she tells Kai.

There's a moment of deliberation before Kai answers. "I'm afraid I will lose them all. I fear death."

Clarke bites her lip at the revelation. She had expected to hear a nightmare about Maks and or the man she killed. She did not expect such a prolific answer. "Death is not the end," Clarke says remembering when Lexa first said it to her.

"You should not fear death little one," Lexa adds, "it comes for us all in time. Our lives are cycles, did you know that? Clarke and I have lived before and we will live again. As will you. As will Maks."

"Death is a new beginning?" Kai whispers.

"Death is not the end," Clarke repeats with a tear of her own in her eye. She swallows and runs a hand through the back of Kai's hair, "I am afraid of losing the people I love as well."

"Truly?" Kai asks looking at her.

"Same as me," Lexa states.

"Oh," Kai says softly as she lets it all sink in.

"That fear will drive you to be a good leader Kai," Clarke says matter of factly with her eyes on Lexa's green. A small smile is given from each woman.

"What do you do to fight your fear?"

"In battle?" Lexa asks.

"No. In the darkness…at night when the battle is done."

"Ah, well I hold on to Clarke," Lexa says with a smile, she's only half joking.

The blonde rolls her eyes, "I light the candles for her. A small light to rid the darkness, we use them like a beacon." She rolls onto her back to reach for a candle beside the bed. She rolls back over to find Kai and Lexa looking at her fondly.

Clarke smiles and opens her palm, "Watch closely." She ignites the small flame from within onto her palm to a delightful gasp from Kai. Clarke smiles and lights the candle. Even through the light of the sun shining through the curtains the candle flame burns bright for the three of them.

"How did you? You said mother's can't breathe fire!"

"They can't," Clarke said through a smile. "I can't. But I can harness the flames and keep the darkness at bay." To prove it she makes the candle flame soar higher before she turns and puts it back on the table.

Kai looks at Lexa, "You're lucky."

Lexa smiles, "I know. Will you try an sleep now?"

"Will you tell me a story?"

Clarke hums in agreement and gets comfy again with her head on Lexa's shoulder. The brunette adjusts to get comfier herself and Kai settles in once again on her chest.

"Once upon a time there was a woman. She had the heart of a lion and the head of an angel shrouded in a halo of yellow sunlight. She grew up among the stars, a princess above it all. She fought for her people, their rights and their freedom to know. She was captured and locked away for a long time. She waited and waited for her future to become clear. She searched for her purpose. One day, her home was dying, her people would suffer and she wouldn't accept it. So she left her home, she led her people back to where they originally came from. She fell from her home among the stars. When she landed she was thrown into her rightful place, she became a leader as she was always meant to be. She met a woman, they fought on opposite sides of a war but love brought them together. First, it was the love of their respected people. Then it was love causing a betrayal, one love was sacrificed for another love, a love of their people. The woman who fell from the stars' love drove her to save her people from war and death. Her love, strength and conviction brought down a mountain and ended a reign of terror. Her heart mended and thawed one that forgot how to beat. She is a queen in knight's armour, the commander of death. She is the heart that fueled the Heda."

Kai was fast asleep but Clarke was eyeing her seriously. "That's not exactly the type of story I think she wanted to hear," she whispers.

Lexa gave her a small shrug and smirk, "It's my favourite story. Plus, she's asleep isn't she?"

Clarke moves her hand to entwine her fingers with Lexa and sighs. "I love you, you know that."

"And I love you, with everything I have."

"Lexa?"

"Clarke."

"I'm sorry."

"Clarke, you sound like Kai."

"Well I need to apologize, I failed you tonight. You asked me to get them back to the tower and I lost two of them in my haste."

"Clarke, you didn't fail anyone. Titus failed us, he failed them. His pride was hurt and he disappeared to lick his wounds. The task to get them to the tower should not have landed on you in the first place, but you take it because it's who you are, you did it because I needed you. As for the rest of it, Titus killed Maks. Titus spoke through Kai. Titus wronged them, he has damaged them."

"Lex," Clarke hesitates knowing where this is going.

"I know it is a lot to ask to take this position on, to have more responsibility placed on your shoulders with the Natblida's – especially after last night – but I need you to know, my decision has not changed. My request of this has not altered, it has only strengthened my belief that this is the right move. You are the next flamekeeper Clarke."

"I know," the blonde says in a soft breath. "Did Luna give you any news?"

"The trail leads far to the Northeast, the scouts haven't returned. Those that had followed Titus indicate that he was telling the truth – he was at the festival before returning to his quarters. Later today Luna, Kai and I will retrace her steps and find the tunnel they used."

"You don't know what she's talking about?"

"There are many, many tunnels from the old world that still exist. She could be referring to a number of them. I was certain we had them all covered. The only thing I can think of is that one of the old tunnels that had caved in was somehow cleared without our knowledge."

"And the prisoners?"

"They will be on the trees by the time we head outside later," Lexa assures her. "Try to rest Clarke."

"Have you slept at all?"

"Yes."

"Liar."

"Sleep Clarke, I won't be far behind now."

Clarke furrows her brow, "You stayed awake. You expected her to have a nightmare."

"You were awake for a lot longer than I thought," Lexa says with a knowing smile.

"I heard it all, you're very good with her you know. A natural."

"It's easy when I have someone like you to guide me," Lexa insists.

"Uh-uh nice try Heda. That was all you, all natural, instinct. Kai was right you're a mother."

"I have birthed no child Clarke," Lexa says turning her head.

Clarke snorts, "You're a mother to your people Lexa, you're a mother to these kids. The sooner you acknowledge that fact the sooner we can get Titus out of their heads. They need you and your guidance as much as you think they need mine. Look at the child in your arms, have you ever held one of them like this before?"

Lexa shakes her head contemplating. She squeezes Kai tighter and smells her head.

"Did you just sniff her head?"

"She smells good."

"That's mother behavior," Clarke playfully warns.

Lexa frowns slightly before grinning. "I am sort of good at this."

Clarke chuckles softly to not wake Kai, "You're good at everything Lex, but you're a natural at this." She yawns and closes her eyes. "I'll see you in my dreams," she keeps her hand entwined with Lexa as she let's sleep take her.

Lexa remains awake for a short while after that. She looks at the two bodies in her bed. She smells the soft brown hair under her nose once more and sighs. The warmth of their bodies mixing with her own sending a buzz through her body she can only describe as pure love.

Sleep finally takes her off and her dreams are filled with light, candles and of course Clarke.