29

At breakfast the next morning, Dinn must have realized that no one was really talking to him. For the first time, I felt a little sorry for him -then I remembered he was a torturer. I angrily chewed my porridge, wishing the truth could be out and we'd all be done with this pretense. Dragging everything out like this was gnawing away at my heart.

I mean, if he was guilty, he was guilty. Let's just get this over with, please. I couldn't take much more of it.

When I came back from my Chaz-escorted ride through Sable, I found Grand speaking with Dinn. That surprised me, and I dismissed Chaz in order to eavesdrop. However, as soon as I got close, all I heard was Grand saying "-those bastards will know where they stand soon enough. In a pile of dung. Well, I'll be seeing you." Dinn nodded, his expression level and detached.

Once Grand was gone, I stepped out from around the side of the house. I knew perfectly well I shouldn't be trying to investigate, but... "What did Grand want?"

Dinn was leaning against the railing of our lower porch. He straightened when he saw me and (I think) pretended not to have heard my question. "My lady?"

"Grand. Did he need something?"

Dinn hesitated. "No, my lady."

I wasn't in the mood to give up. "I didn't know you and Grand were so familiar."

Dinn's expression went distant again, and his eyes were dark. He didn't answer.

I nodded. "I can understand if you don't like him."

Dinn's expression did not change. "I would not speak against my lord's family."

"More's the pity," I interrupted, thoroughly annoyed with Dinn. "There's no need to be posh to the man who wanted to turn you into a gladiator." I struggled to suppress my anger. "I mean, he kicked you in the chest. Why should you be polite to him? You're not a slave, are you?"

Dinn was staring at the house, as though it were interesting. Well, what was he supposed to say? "My lady is as mad as all get-out and I have no idea why?"

I sighed. "I'm sorry." Apologizing to the murderer! "I'm just a bit -stressed."

Dinn eyed me sidelong, no humor in his face. "I can see that. Is there anything I can do?"

I stared blankly at my own shadow, an elongated gray silhouette on the hard-packed dirt. "No. I suppose not." I rubbed my forehead, not sure why I was still there. At the same time, I didn't really want to leave. "Grand thinks highly of you, you know."

"Does he?" Dinn asked sharply. "He-" Dinn cut his words off.

I looked up. "What were you going to say?"

"That-" He collected himself. "That I would not speak against my lord's family."

I shook my head. "Don't lie."

He seemed surprised. Well, why not? Courtiers are supposed to prefer smooth lies to unpleasant truths.

I went on. "I've thought plenty of angry things against Grand myself. I won't think badly of you."

Dinn hesitated. "I had always thought -you and your grandfather-"

"I do love Grand." I studied my shadow again. "But I'm not blind to his faults." I looked up. "Well, if you can't say it, I can guess. You were going to say that Grand's always had a high opinion of you. He was going to turn you into a gladiator after all. And you don't just hate his guts, you hate the food that passes through his guts. Am I right?"

Dinn smiled faintly, his brow tense. "I wouldn't have put it that well, my lady."

I shrugged. "It's because you don't talk enough."

That really surprised him.

...The murderer.

I looked away. "So. What did Grand want?"

"He was...expressing his partisanship for me."

I nodded. "Don't take it lightly. Grand still has a lot of influence in Sable. But you knew that." I looked down at my hands, wondering just how far in I could test the water. "Our whole family has partisanship for you," I said carefully, working to keep my voice natural. "We have high expectations. I'm sure you can meet them."

Dinn inclined his head. "I can but try, my lady."

Liar.

I nodded back. "The General has to be a wise and disciplined soldier. He must be deadly with his sword, but also not overeager to use his sword."

"My lady speaks truly." He hesitated. "I shall endeavor to fulfill your family's expectations."

I raised an eyebrow. His brow went tense again. I looked away. "Well, I'll see you-"

For the first time in my life, a soldier interrupted me. "My lady, is something wrong?"

"Wrong?" I repeated. "Why do you think that?"

"You don't seem...your...self."

"Well." I shrugged jerkily. "I'm just stressed. A lot has been happening." I clenched my fists, which were suddenly shaking. "Now -now I'll see you later. Bye." I practically ran inside.

I really don't want to tell you this.

I went to my room and did the whole crying into the pillow bit. I'm so ashamed, but I did. I was so angry at Dinn, so absolutely furious. I'd saved his life, and he'd become cruel. And he didn't even have the courage to show it.

Maybe Oboro was wrong. I stopped crying for a few minutes and thought about it.

Maybe. But probably not.

I was done in under an hour, but I had to stay in my room until all the signs of crying had faded from my face. My eyes remained tart and salty all day though, and I couldn't really talk to anyone. I told Mother I just didn't feel well.