Tobias
"Tomorrow is Saturday, so do you want to do something?" Tris asks me as we sit at our lunch table.
"I would, but I can't."
Her lips press into a straight line. "You have a you-know-what this weekend?"
I sigh. I still can't decide if telling her was a good thing or not. Part of me is glad, relieved to have it off my chest, and happy that I don't have to keep another secret from her. Another part of me thinks she would have been much better off not knowing; she looks at me differently now. I told her less than a week ago, and since then she always looks frightened and pitiful. I hate receiving pity.
"Yeah." I say flatly and quietly. I don't want anyone else at our crowded table to hear our shushed conversation.
"Can I come?" she asks. This makes me look up into her big beautiful blue-gray eyes, full of their usual curiosity.
"No!" I say firmly.
She looks almost offended. "And why not?"
"Because those...'things' are fucking dangerous. I'm not bringing you."
"Oh, I'll be fine. I just want to see what you can do."
"No, Tris. Plus, this is the annual tournament in Colorado. I have to fly there."
"I can buy my own plane ticket."
"Don't, Tris. Please don't. Besides, what if he is there?" Last week, while talking about her abusive and sad excuse for an ex-boyfriend, I came to the realization that he fights and was trained by Amar. He must not be very good because I have never heard of him.
She sighs, "You're right. I'm sorry. I love you."
I relax, glad that she finally let it go. "I love you, too," I say as I kiss her cheek and wrap my arm around her thin waist.
I rub up her thigh and then squeeze it and it makes her gasp. "Damn Tris," I say in a deep voice. I hear her breathing hitch. "You should really work out." Her mouth opens slightly and she slaps her palm against my chest.
"Oh my God, Tobias!" she scolds quietly. I can't hold back my laugh.
Suddenly, we remember we are at a table full of other people when somebody clears their throat. I look up to see a playful scowl on Uriah's face. Of course.
"Get a room!" he exclaims. I roll my eyes and Tris picks up one of her fries and launches it at him. It hits him square in the forehead and the table bursts into laughter.
"Why do you always do that?" Uriah yells, trying to contain his own laughter and look angry.
"Why do you always make little comments?" Tris retorts
"Why are you guys always making out?" Uriah asks.
"Why are you always stopping us?"
"Why don't you both shut up?" Christina asks.
The rest of the lunch is full of conversation about next weekend's Homecoming Dance. I've never been to a dance. Never wanted to go, never had a girl to bring. Well, never had a girl that I wanted to bring.
Tris and I leave the table, dump our trays, and head to Erudite History class.
"So," Tris says. I know what she is going to ask, so I decide to be the loving boyfriend and do what I'm supposed to do. I grab her arm and stop her walking.
I pull us out of the line of traffic and look down at her, "Would you go to the Homecoming Dance with me?"
Her mouth opens slightly before turning into a smile. "Yes."
I press my lips to hers and the spark that the kiss fires off in me makes me not care about the fact that I don't own a tux and will have to go buy one.
"Thanks, baby." Since the party, we have been jokingly calling each other that stupid pet name, but it has turned from joking into actually using it. It sort of just comes out; I don't always really mean to say it. Half the time I don't even notice I've said it.
We take our regular seats in class and watch as Zeke runs in the door, the same moment the bell goes off.
Ms. Mathews gives him a disapproving look as he take his eat, but she begins her lecture anyway. "Please open your textbooks to chapter twenty."
"What page is that?" somebody asks.
"Find your inner-Erudite and figure it out."
We sit in class and learn about Abnegation and their roles in government. As usual, Tris looks intensely interested in the subject.
The bell rings, dismissing class. Tris and I walk out of the room together. Zeke and I walk with Tris to her Algebra class before leaving her there and continuing on to Geography.
"You get that yet?" Zeke asks as we continue down the hallway alone.
"What?"
"Come on, you guys are constantly touching each other. You haven't, you know, gotten some?"
I look at him. I guess I shouldn't be surprised; Zeke and Uriah are especially open about this certain topic. I feel the tips of my ears get warm and I shake my head.
"Seriously? Why not?"
"You sound like Christina."
"Well, come on, man. Tris is hot."
I scowl at him. "She doesn't want to and I'm not going to make her."
"Oh."
The conversation dies there and we continue down the hall to Geography in silence.
We enter Geography and Mr. Jacobs talking to the class. I pretty much tune out whatever he is saying. I keep thinking about what I told Tris. I feel like it was a good thing to do, to be honest. But a large part of me wishes she didn't know. Not only do I hate the way she looks at me now, but I am afraid that she will do something irrational in order to get the chance to watch me fight. When I told her that I was good, it wasn't so that she would want to watch, it was so that she wouldn't worry. Now, watching me seems to be number one on her agenda. I can't have her at those tournaments. Women do not go to the tournaments. There are not safe events. A bunch of big, drunk, angry guys swarmed around two bigger and angrier guys is not the place for women and children to be. I don't want Tris there. There is a good reason women don't go to tournaments and I don't want to think to hard about what it is.
And what Zeke said is bothering me too. Why does everybody insist on me and Tris having sex? What is with that? I mean, I'd jump at the chance if she offered, but why does everybody make it seem like it is some sort of requirement? Tris is hot and beautiful and sexy and amazing. Why do people think I don't know that already? I mean damn, don't I show her that?
The bell ringing pulls me from my thoughts. I was mentally present enough to realize that people were presenting their state projects, but I didn't comprehend a word that any of them said.
"You look out of it," Zeke says as we walk out of the room. "You okay?"
"Yeah. I'm fine."
"You know I didn't mean anything by what I said earlier."
"Yeah, I know. It's fine, man, seriously."
"Okay," he says. We go up the stairs to get to the third floor where both of our classes are.
"Are you and Tris going to that dance?"
"Yeah, she wants to go. I'm not really into it," I admit.
"Those things are for girls. We just go stand next to them and look sexy as fuck," Zeke says with a smirk. I roll my eyes, but he is right. At lunch, the girls talked nonstop about their dresses and flowers and where to eat and who should drive and when to gather at Christina's to get ready and blah, blah, blah.
I leave Zeke at his Social Studies class and continue down the hallway to Chemistry. I take my seat and a moment later, Tris walks in. She sits down next to me and presses a quick kiss to my cheek.
"Hey," she says, pulling her books out and placing them on our shared table.
"Hey. So about next weekend, what am I supposed to wear? Like a suit or a tux?" I ask. I really don't know, but I don't own either.
"You don't have to wear a tux. This dance is the least formal of them all. You can just wear a nice suit."
I sigh and she laughs. "Hey, at least you don't have to wear a dress."
"That is true. I think that'd be pretty weird." She laughs and our conversation is stopped by the bell.
Finally, Chemistry is over and we pack up our books.
"Please be safe this weekend," Tris says as we walk out of the room.
"Tris," I say, looking down to meet her eyes. They are full of pity. I fucking hate pity. "I need to talk to you."
I grab her hand and lead her down the stairs and outside. I pull her all the way to my truck, grabbing my keys in my free hand and unlocking the truck. I open the passenger side door for her, allowing her to climb in, and then closing it behind her. I go around the truck and lift myself up and into the driver's seat.
"Text Caleb, I will drive you home." She looks kind of unsure but she nods and does what I ask.
"What do you need to talk about?"
"I shouldn't have told you."
"What?"
"I shouldn't have told you about my side job and how I get my money."
"Why not?"
"Because, you look at me differently."
"What do you mean?"
"You look at me with pity. Sometimes you look afraid of me. I can't take it anymore; you've got to stop with the pity stuff."
She looks at me in shock. "I didn't know I was."
"Tris, just listen to me for a second. My dad beat the shit out of me every day for fourteen years. I told you that and you looked at me like I was strong. You looked at me like you were proud that I had overcome him. And now I tell you that I fight and you look at me with pity. I hate pity, Tris. It drives me crazy. I don't want your pity."
She just sits there for a minute and stares at me. I was worried that I was going to make her cry but she just looks mad. I don't know which is worse.
"What am I supposed to do then, Tobias? Just act like you going and beating up people doesn't freak me out? Like finding out that you partake in the same activity that Peter did? Peter was destroyed by whatever the hell you guys do. He broke and he hurt me. So yes, I am scared. I am scared that will happen to you, and honestly I am scared that it will happen to me. Again. I don't want you fighting, but I understand that your situation won't allow you to stop right now. I get it. But you can't tell me not to be worried. I will worry. You getting on a plane and flying hundreds of miles away to go punch some guy for money is scary to me. And the idea that he is going to hit back is ten times worse. I love you, so yes I worry about you, and I am sorry if you mistake my love for you as pity. I do not pity you. I worry about you."
I just sit there and stare at her for a minute. "You make that face because you love me?"
"Of course I do, Tobias. Don't you understand? I can't imagine you getting hit by your dad or some random guy. I don't want to."
"But you wanted to come to the tournament."
"I know. I was hoping I'd be able to convince you not to go. I don't know. I hadn't really thought it through," she says shyly.
I am in a bit of awe over this girl. "I love you, too," I say. She looks up and smiles at me. "But I have to go. I can't not go. Whether or not I like it, that money I win pays our bills."
"Why don't you use the money to get your own place?"
"He doesn't give me enough. He collects the winnings and then gives me a weekly allowance."
"How much?"
"Three-hundred."
"You get a three-hundred dollar allowance?" she asks in total shock.
"I know it's extreme. I win a lot of money," I shrug.
"My God, I would say so." She takes a minute to get over the shock before she speaks again. "So, start saving the leftover chunks of that money. Save until you have enough to get your own place and leave him."
I sigh. "I can't. At the end of every week, he collects what I don't use."
"Are you serious?" I nod and she shakes her head. "I'm sorry."
"See! That! That right there is pity!" I tell her.
She looks at me and shakes her head. "Not for you, maybe for myself. I want to be able to help you, but I can't think of anything. You are strong, Tobias, but even strong people need help sometimes. It isn't pity for me to want to help you."
I shake my head and she sighs. "Fine."
After a few minutes of silence, she breaks it. "I won't bring it up again. I won't look at you any certain way. I'll pretend that I don't even know about it all, okay?"
"That isn't a fair compromise. I told you, now you shouldn't have to cover up and pretend. It's my secret, so that is my job."
"Tobias, please. I just don't want to fight with you about this anymore. Please, just take me home."
I sigh but I turn the keys in the ignition, bringing the truck to life. We leave the school parking lot and head towards home.
The ride home is silent and tense. Neither of us wants to bring up the topic again. I pull up in front of her house, but she makes no move to get out.
"Have a good weekend," she says casually. I think mad Tris is worse than a crying Tris ever could be. This passive aggressive Mad Tris is scary.
"Tris," I start. She looks at me with absolute politeness. It takes me a second to recover. "I-um… You too."
She nods before she retrieves her backpack from the seat behind her, opens the door, and gets out. She slams the door shut a bit more aggressively than usual.
I wait for her to walk the short path to her door and let herself in. She enters her house without looking back. I sigh and pull away from the curb and head towards home.
Mad Tris is definitely worse.
