A/N: This should be a particularly memorable moment up to this point. I hope you'll let me know your thoughts, as this has been a long time coming...
Note: You can also find the later half of this chapter on my LiveJournal account (accessible from my Profile.)
Many thanks to my wonderful beta reader, Brittny.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter is copyrighted to and belongs to JK Rowling. I'm just playing in her sandbox.
Chapter 29: To Have and To Hold
Eventually the atmosphere quieted, so that the only sounds were the occasional crunching of leaves from a nearby animal or the scurrying of twigs being snapped in half. For the most part, however, the air around them was as still as the foreboding forest they occupied.
Hermione felt herself on the verge of dozing in Severus's embrace. He had been rocking her back and forth for some time now, allowing her to cry uninterrupted, to let out everything she had suppressed inside for far too long. Occasionally, when she would cry out or whimper, he would hush her with a low, gentle purr that turned out to be a soothing remedy to her ears.
Hermione listened to the beating of the man's heart against her eardrum, holding tight to him, bundled snug and comfortably in her little nook against him. Her cheek rubbed at his chest. With each snivel, she nuzzled closer, burying her nose in the midst of all of his buttons. He was warm, and she was cold.
Oh, so cold.
"It's all right," he kept reassuring her over and over again, never releasing her from his secure arms.
Hermione couldn't quite believe he was holding her, that she was surrounded by his wonderful scent of herbs and spices again, but nothing made much coherent sense anymore. 'It's not what it seems'? How is that possible? No... He's a murderer. He killed Dumbledore in cold blood. How could he do that?
"How?" she cried softly, not realizing she had asked that thought aloud.
"It's complicated," he returned, without hesitating to consider what she meant.
"But... But you..."
She felt his chest heave with guilt. "He asked me to, Hermione. He... He was dying. He asked me to kill him before the Dark Lord, Bellatrix, or anyone else got to him first."
"What?"
Hermione couldn't think. And anyway, that didn't make any sense. None whatsoever. Was he lying to her again?
"It's the truth, Hermione," Severus urged, as if reading her thoughts; she suspected he probably had. "I - I know that's - difficult - to believe; I know you don't trust me. But I am being forthright with you, Hermione, I swear it.
"He was dying... His hand had been cursed by Marvolo's ring, and it was irreversible. Ask Potter about his hand. Ask him. And you'll know I'm telling you the truth.
"By the time Dumbledore came to me for aid, there wasn't much I could do except provide a tonic that would contain the curse for as long as possible. I - I tried to dissuade him, Hermione. I certainly didn't want to kill him; I could barely stomach the idea. I avoided it for as long as I possibly could. He placed a terrible, unsightly burden on me, and I'll resent the old man for it the rest of my days.
"But I... I understood, too. Being tortured to death is a slow, awfully painful way to die, Hermione, as is a fatal curse that takes over one's body. Considering it was a curse conjured by the Dark Lord, I'm sure you can imagine the horrors of what Dumbledore would have endured had he carried on to the bitter end. It's like a cancer. It would simply spread, leaving him in horrible agony before the end; like suffocation, only unbearably slow. Dumbledore didn't want to die either of those ways, Hermione. And there - there was another reason he asked me to do it..."
Hermione sniffed, her eyes no longer wet but weary. Her brow was furrowed as she kept her eyes squeezed shut, clutching at Severus as if she expected him to Disapparate on her at any given moment.
"What?" she muttered, terribly confused. "Why? What was it?"
Severus paused before answering. "We both knew that Dumbledore was going to die, so it was most advantageous for me to kill him, Hermione, because... Because it would bring me further into the Dark Lord's circle than ever before. He trusted me before, but I have his full confidence now, and his ear. He doesn't suspect me in the slightest. He confides in me more than anyone else, and he doesn't know that everything I do, I do against him. He has no idea that the new Headmaster of Hogwarts that he's implemented isn't, in fact, working for him. But then, that's something no one knows." He paused. "Except you."
It was a long while before Hermione could will herself to move or speak. To Severus, it was too long, to the point of agony. He tried to remain patient, to allow Hermione to process this overwhelming information. He could hardly imagine what must be running through her mind, but could only pray she would believe him, even if he had no right to ask it of her.
Hermione finally stirred in his arms and reared her face back to look at him properly. The nervousness in Severus's eyes was apparent. He feared the outcome of this: that she would push him away—this time for good—and that she wouldn't take anything he said into account. It was decipherable behind the depths of his eyes, and it was something only Hermione could make out.
But it wasn't so much his leeriness that struck Hermione so; she hated how depleted, worn, and haggard he looked, more than ever before, and she hadn't realized it until now. The heavy, dark bags under his eyes informed her without question that Severus hadn't slept—probably at all—in days. The sable eyes themselves were bloodshot and half open, and his pale face was drawn and alarmingly thinned out. Even with her arms woven around him, she could sense the newfound looseness of his frock coat. He was leaner than before and had lost a considerable amount of weight since she last saw him. The harsh outlines that framed his features were also more distinctive—sharper, even—than they were just months ago.
Hermione hated to take it all in, and couldn't will herself to be angry anymore. She was too emotionally spent and too elated to have him here, in this godforsaken place, face-to-face. She just couldn't will herself to despise him any longer and, in reality, never really had. Her anger was mixed with a sourness and soreness and desperate need to understand.
"Severus," Hermione whispered his name with such longing it made Severus's heart leap with hope, "are you..." She paused to bring her hand to his gaunt, colorless cheek. She brushed it ever so gently, feeling the bone beneath, and as she had so often enjoyed seeing months before, Severus's eyelashes fluttered, basking in her wonderful touch that he hadn't received in so long. "Are you telling me the truth? The whole truth?"
Severus gradually opened his eyes. He took a calculated breath before answering, without unlocking his gaze, "Yes, Hermione. It's the truth. The whole truth."
"He... He really asked you to do it? Dumbledore? Harry said he begged you not to kill him that night on the Astronomy Tower."
"Did Potter tell you what he said?"
Hermione bit her lip and nodded. "He said to you, 'Severus, please...'"
Repeating the words caused an unexpected reaction. Severus drew his eyebrows together into an expression of the utmost suffering. Hermione instinctively inched closer and clasped her free hand onto a handful of his buttons.
"It would seem that he begged me not to kill him—even Bellatrix and Draco believed as such—but that's not what he actually meant, Hermione." Hermione said nothing, however, only waited for Severus to continue uninterrupted. "He was asking me to do it... Before Bellatrix or someone else did. I made a promise to him, Hermione, and it was the only opportunity I'd have to spare him the torture he would most certainly endure had Bellatrix gotten her way. It was also my sole opportunity to gain the Dark Lord's favor.
"There was nothing for it. I had to do it, Hermione. I had no choice. Believe me, if I did, I would never have agreed to it. Surely, you... You must know that? I - I'm not a coldhearted murderer, Hermione. I simply had no choice."
It took a moment for Hermione to grasp that Severus's demeanor had entirely changed. He was no longer reserved, restrained, or holding himself back. She suddenly felt a teardrop cascade over her fingers that stroked his cheek, and realized that Severus was crying, albeit soundlessly. But a sole tear had escaped his eye, and his chin was wavering, threatening to buckle and give into the emotional torment he routinely suppressed.
Hermione brushed the tear away delicately with her thumb, and did her best not to react. He would surely have hated for her to point out what the former professor, now Headmaster, considered to be a 'moment of weakness.'
Hermione did her best to remain neutral, but seeing Severus tear up was exceedingly difficult. She knew it then. He was telling her the truth. Why else would the exceedingly proud wizard go to the extent of crying in front of her if he didn't mean it?
Yes, Severus was being honest...
"And your soul?" Hermione whispered, struggling to speak, crushed at the very thought of it. "He... He made you do that to yourself? Dumbledore, how - how could he? Your soul, Severus..."
Severus's frown deepened as his eyes sunk to the ground, revealing more of the heavy despair that ripped at Hermione's chest. "I'm already a tarnished man, Hermione," he muttered very quietly. "It made little difference in his eyes. And I can't say that I blame him. He chose the right man..."
"Don't say that!"
"It's true."
"Severus, no!"
Severus met her gaze again, his countenance weary and forlorn. "Would you have rather someone your age be forced to do what I did? To kill? Imagine, for a moment, executing someone, Hermione. Can you imagine doing so? Taking a life?"
"I..." Hermione drew back a little, visibly stricken. "No, of course not."
"Then would you have wanted Draco to do it?"
"I would rather have had him kill Dumbledore than you!" she insisted, a bit testily.
That endearing crease she loved formed in the middle of his brow. "Don't say such foolish things," he reprimanded in a hushed tone; but it didn't change how Hermione felt.
"I mean it!"
"No, you don't, Hermione—"
"He was chosen for the task, wasn't he? That's what Harry said! Harry said that Draco told Dumbledore—"
"That's beside the point."
Hermione huffed. "No, it isn't! Your soul is just as important and worthy of preserving as anyone else's, Severus! That wasn't at all fair of Dumbledore! It was brutal of him. And I - I'm disgusted, frankly! I can't believe Dumbledore could guilt trip you into such a promise! How could he?"
A short pause carried through to Severus's unsettling reply. "Because it was necessary."
"Necessary?"
"Someone had to—"
"No, they didn't! He should never have made that your responsibility, Severus! He had no right to take away your soul—"
"Hermione, I've already told you how high the stakes were, and still remain. And now the Dark Lord trusts me. Completely. It is, indeed, a considerable advantage to know his plans and whereabouts, what he's thinking and considering at any given moment. Most importantly, by doing so, my knowledge of what the Dark Lord is concocting keeps you and Potter safe. That's well worth the price to me."
Even if Bellatrix and Lucius are seeking to undermine me...
Hermione couldn't necessarily argue that point, but it didn't lessen how she felt when considering the damage Severus was forced to endure in the process; or considering his safety and welfare, for that matter. His soul had been damaged, and not willingly. It sickened her and made her want to do something for him.
"That doesn't make me feel better, Severus."
The harsh contours of Severus's face softened, and the edges of his mouth curled upward. Hermione had nearly forgotten what his wonderfully attractive smile looked like, and it brought a sharp pang to her chest.
"It's not supposed to," Severus tried to assure her, "but you cannot deny it, Hermione."
"I..." Hermione was bereft of words. She still couldn't quite fathom that Severus was here, propped up against her with his arms still latched around her waist. Scanning his fatigued face once more, her frown abruptly grew. "You look awful."
At that, however, he simply smirked and brought his hand up to trace her bottom lip. Hermione's breath hitched at this small, delicate gesture of affection. His touch, one which she had ached for, was supple, warm, and enticing all the same. Their eyes locked on each other for a long time before Severus returned her consideration.
"You look wonderful."
His low murmur was filled with an irrefutable longing. It made Hermione's composure waver.
"Oh, rubbish." She smacked his chest to keep from crying again. "I look like hell. I haven't showered in well over a day."
"That makes no difference to me."
He waited to allow his pronouncement to properly sink in. Hermione blushed a little, but she was still eying him with fresh tears. When she seemed incapable of speaking, Severus wiped his hand over a tear falling from her eye, just as she had so tenderly done for him moments ago.
"I've missed your face," he confessed with a gentle, amorous purr. He heard Hermione's whimper, and inclined his face closer until their noses were practically pressed together. "I've missed your eyes, your smile, your irritable nagging, our constant bickering, your touch. I've missed you, Hermione, so much. I - I've wanted to tell you..."
Severus suddenly ceased speaking. He appeared incapable of forming another coherent thought. His dark eyes diverted from hers and he eased back a little. Without warning, Hermione seized him by the waist and wove her arms tightly around him, squeezing him as much as she could.
"I've missed you, too," she sniveled, burying her face in his hair. "I've missed you so much, Severus. You... You have no idea. I just wish..."
For a time, neither said anything, but the undeniable affection between them was deeply felt and heartened by both. It had been a long time coming.
Finally, Severus broke the silence with a question, his hand pressed gently to the back of Hermione's head. "What is it you wish, love?" he purred into her ear in a loving address he had never illustrated before. It caused Hermione to hold him even tighter.
Then she drew back, sober. "I wish you would have told me. If you had just shared with me what you were going through, Severus, I might have... I could have..."
Severus shook his head. "Think about it, Hermione. How could I have possibly told you that I was going to kill Albus Dumbledore?"
Hermione understood that much, and, in truth, she knew he was right. There really wasn't a proper way for him to have disclosed such dreadful knowledge to her and expect her not to react poorly, or panic and inform Harry and the Order straightaway. It would have stopped her from trusting him altogether, and she sensed that was partly why he kept it from her.
"Is that why you pushed me away that night in the corridor, when I had come looking for you?"
Severus's face was still, but then his eyes flickered, and he nodded. "Yes, that was why."
"Then did you..." Hermione prayed her next question would receive a favorable answer; she was half afraid to even bring it up. "Did you really mean it when you said you couldn't fall in love again?"
Severus regarded her thoughtfully, his obsidian eyes growing reflective. His arms pressed against her back to bring her even closer, and Hermione readily allowed him to do so. Just when Hermione thought he might answer, he bent down to bring his mouth to hers. He was grateful when she didn't push him away; it was something he greatly feared he would never taste again: her. Her willingness was the incentive he needed, and, thus, he kissed her more, the heat building as his lips moved in synch with hers.
Merlin, I've missed this, Hermione thought with an audible moan, her body shivering in his embrace, and not on account of the cold.
She pined for more. She wanted to taste him. To her disappointment, however, Severus unlocked his lips from hers and surveyed her closely, his warm, sweet breaths tickling her face.
"I thought I couldn't," he avowed, his voice growing unsteady. "I never thought I could love someone the way I came to regard Lily. But you, Hermione... You showed me that I could. You showed me what real love is.
"I said what I said that night deliberately to hurt you. I expected you to hate me anyhow for what was to come, for what I would do, so I did what I felt was the most logical at the time. I - I know it wasn't right, and I know I wounded you. It was not something I wanted, Hermione, please understand that...
"You have every right to hate me. I'm hardly deserving of the unfailing kindness you've bestowed upon me in the past. How I repaid you was monstrous, without question. I'm truly sorry for what I've done to you. And I didn't mean it when I said I couldn't fall in love again, because I..."
Severus paused and twitched rather nervously, his eyes boring into hers with evident uneasiness. But then a surge of desire purged the void that so often masked Severus's true feelings, and his eyes were filled with a fresh appetite that took Hermione's breath away.
"I'm in love with you."
Hermione's world suddenly ceased moving. It was as if the earth beneath her feet had stopped to capture this moment and encase it for just the two of them. Hermione could hardly believe the declaration Severus had made, and yet, it was all she had been hoping for a long time, without even realizing so.
This was what she had yearned to hear all those months that they were separated. If he could only tell her he loved her, then perhaps she could believe him; perhaps she could convince herself then that he was the good man she thought him to be.
Now, Severus Snape had unexpectedly fulfilled that emptiness in her heart, with an awareness of the significance that such simple words held. Hermione brought both of her hands up to cradle Severus's face, staring deep into his eyes with a fondness that measured his own. She forced herself to breathe slowly so that she could finally declare the words without stumbling.
"I love you, too, Severus."
Severus's brow furrowed in shock. "You do?"
Evidently, he expected the opposite. It fueled an inner fire within Hermione. What had he expected her to do? To rebuff him? Had he actually believed all this time that she might reject him, after everything they had shared?
Hermione fought the strong urge to reprimand the damaged man in front of her, and nodded emphatically instead. She leaned in and pecked the bridge of his nose, alarming him slightly.
"Yes, Severus Snape. Believe it. I love you. In fact," her chestnut irises shimmered, making Severus's heart beat faster, "I daresay I love you more..."
The very untouchable and reticent wizard stared at her without moving. He was now devoid of any lingering doubts that so often plagued the back of his mind and his tormented soul. He leaned his forehead against hers, and let out a weighty sigh—a mixture of relief and contentment—that illustrated for Hermione just how besotted he was.
"That's impossible," he growled, giving her a wry smile meant exclusively for her.
Hermione couldn't help but giggle. She was wrapped up in this moment, enamored, and so very much in love. Finally confessing their feelings for one another had lifted a burden both had been carrying around for far too long. Severus sealed their declaration with another kiss that Hermione eagerly responded to.
Smitten and consumed, Hermione felt a rush of heat pulsate through every fiber of her being. She was no longer shivering, and neither was he. She suspected he might have even used his magic to bring warmth to the atmosphere around them.
Hermione reached her hands around from Severus's face to entangle them in his raven locks, pulling and massaging, as his fingers grazed down her back, making her spine tingle and her legs thrust forward, despite the fact that she was still heavily clothed.
He snogged her more earnestly when he felt their connection deepening, and Hermione reacted with equal zeal. Severus's lips were supple, the flavor of his mouth very much his own. She loved it. And he, in turn, relished the familiar, sweet taste of Hermione's mouth as his sense of time and place, and the fact that they were in the middle of the woods in the November cold, fell away, replaced by lust and desire and need.
Hermione had felt this craving before—this thirst for more, so much more—but it swept over her for the first time in months; she had missed this intensive compulsion. It made her lungs constrict and inflamed her very core. She needed to taste and feel more deeply, more fully, more every which way possible.
She needed him.
"Severus," she gasped, pulling away momentarily to catch her breath.
Their respiring was quick and excited, and the blaze Hermione witnessed as she stared into Severus's eyes told her everything: he didn't want her to stop, and, if she dared to hope, he wasn't going to push her away. Not this time.
Hermione seized the opportunity at hand, her mind unaware of just where things were headed. She had never done this before, was entirely inexperienced, and it wasn't something they had ever openly discussed. But she couldn't will herself to think on it right now; her body was recklessly in want, and as her eyes fell over the dark wizard, she could tell that his body was very much in need of her, too. She noted the erection their exploration and snogging had caused, and that was more than a little enticing...
Hermione's fingers gingerly met the clasped buttons at his cravat, and she began to undo them one by one as he continued to breathe heavily, keeping his unwavering focus on her the whole time. I've been aching to do this, her mind egged on most greedily.
As she unfastened his coat, Severus reached around to remove the hair tie that held Hermione's curls together in a loose-fitting bun. Her stunning array of wild ringlets tumbled and fell about her face, cascading fluidly over her dainty shoulders. To Severus, she was glorious to behold—like a goddess—and he unconsciously licked his lips as he reached forward to kiss her again.
His hands moved to the scarf looped around her neck. Severus slowly uncoiled it and threw it somewhere on the ground as they kissed more fervently, without taking a moment for air. By the time he had unwrapped her scarf, Hermione had finished unbuttoning, and attempted to remove Severus's coat, but it wouldn't budge at his wrists.
She groaned in frustration. Severus took a moment to unclip the buttons along his wrists, then undid his cravat, a feat Hermione knew she would never have figured out on her own. He was exceedingly quick about it, focused on her the entire time, and before Hermione knew it, they were snogging again as if there had been no interruption.
That burning, growing sensation at Hermione's womanhood increased as they delved further. Severus ran his fingers along every curve of her upper body before they reached underneath to make contact with her bare skin. Hermione shuddered at the feel of his large hands upon her for the first time. She attempted hastily to unbutton his white undershirt as he pulled her to him, intensifying their sucking and sampling of one another's mouths.
Finally, Hermione was able to successfully remove Severus's shirt, leaving his bare chest exposed. It was only then that she heard him hitch a nervous breath and draw away from her swollen lips. She let out a small whine of protest, but then her eyebrows came together curiously.
Severus was staring at her now in an abashed, childlike manner that made her eyes widen. The passion she had witnessed in those colorless orbs was gone, replaced by something Hermione never expected to find: shame.
"What is it?" she asked, befuddled by why he would possibly stop now.
Severus broke eye contact and shuffled for his white undershirt in the dark, turning away from her to grab it from somewhere behind him. It was only then that Hermione fully caught sight of the professor—her lover—and she bit her lip to stop herself from making an audible noise.
The faint moonlight seeping through the trees fell upon Severus's back, putting him in gentle spotlight; an undoubtedly unwanted scrutiny he couldn't bear. But it was too late. Hermione's horrified eyes took in the alarming gashes, various cuts, and unknown wounds that covered his entire back. His white skin couldn't mask any of the marks, dark and hollowed and sketched every which way. Every one of them looked exceedingly painful, but Hermione could barely take them all in as there were so many.
Without even thinking, Hermione clasped her hand to her mouth, staring at them with unabashed shock. When Severus turned around with his shirt in hand, Hermione tried to quickly remove her hand and maintain a normal composure, but it was no use.
His eyes flickered unnaturally, his jaw tightening at the onslaught of her reaction to seeing him in the flesh. He hurriedly began to put his shirt back on when Hermione reached out and grabbed him forcefully by the arms.
"No," she commanded, her voice soft, yet determined.
Severus halted, but kept his mouth tightly bound. He watched her face intently, and Hermione instantly gathered that he was frightened; terrified and stricken by her seeing him this exposed. Hermione's eyes traced new marks she hadn't noticed along his shoulders and bare chest.
There was definitely a warming charm in place, for there was no way Severus would have allowed her curiosity to continue in such coldness. Hermione moved her fingers over Severus's forearms to his chest. She traced the assortment of cuts and contusions, her mouth gaped slightly with a mixture of curiosity and concern. Then she became aware of his labored breaths and met his troubled gaze. She was teary-eyed, but didn't know it.
"Severus..."
"I'm sorry," he muttered quietly, and tried again to put on his shirt, but Hermione grabbed hold of his face with both hands. She stared into her lover's eyes, but he wouldn't look back.
"No, Severus, don't," she implored.
"It's all right. You don't have to look at them."
"Severus, please..."
"They're unsightly, I know." Severus spoke much faster than usual; Hermione could see the shame written all over his face, even without him meeting her eyes. The terrible confirmation of his humiliation shattered her heart into pieces. "I should have been more mindful. I wasn't thinking. I'm sor—"
"Don't apologize, Severus."
Severus, however, appeared torn between backing away and letting her continue to gawk at him, feeling like some sort of freakish experiment. His face was anguished, the lines around his eyes and mouth grim. His dark eyes themselves had withdrawn from her considerably.
Hermione bent closer, rubbing her thumbs along his high cheekbones. She brushed a few strands of his coarse hair away, cupping his face between her palms.
"Will you look at me?" she coaxed softly. "Please?" Severus reluctantly met her eyes, and she caught the glimmer of hope that flickered behind his own before it died out like a flame. "You needn't apologize, Severus. Please don't. I'm sorry; I didn't mean to react that way. I was just stunned is all. I wasn't prepared to see that. I... I had no idea. It's all right though."
"No," he mumbled in a crippled tone that brought Hermione heartache. "It isn't. I'm sorry, Hermione. I didn't want you to see this. It was foolish of me. I don't know what I was—"
"Severus, stop it. It's fine. I don't care."
"I do..."
"Well, you shouldn't. It doesn't change anything about how I feel. It doesn't matter to me."
Severus raised an eyebrow. "It... It doesn't?"
Hermione delicately stroked his cheeks. "No, it doesn't. Not at all."
Severus reached his hands up to latch onto Hermione's arms, rubbing ever so gently. "You - You mean it?"
Hermione had never seen the wizard—her wizard—this vulnerable. It all but sucked the very life out of her. She shook her head and extended her neck to surprise him with a gentle peck to his forehead. His entire body responded with a strong quiver, giving way to some invisible weight being lifted.
Hermione moved her lips slowly about Severus's face, caressing him affectionately, wanting to let him know that her regard was unchanged. When her eyes reopened, they were as close to him as possible. She could see the alleviation in those once cold, dejected irises, now awakened and lively.
Hermione uncupped her hands from his face and moved them slowly down his neck, over his Adam's apple, to the center of his chest, where several deep gashes criss-crossed one another or flowed into another wound. She gently traced them with her fingers but never removed her gaze from his.
Severus watched her in awe, staggered by her wholehearted, unwavering acceptance. He could hardly breathe or believe it. Of course, it was dark in these woods; perhaps when she saw him in better lighting, she would reconsider the matter. But for now, he was indebted to Hermione's unfailing kindness once again, and more than grateful.
"You are beautiful," she murmured lovingly, and she meant it.
She could only hope that Severus felt it in her affectionate stare, in her touch, in her utterance of the words. She placed another tender kiss on his lips, this time without the earnestness they had been using before.
"Please," she begged him, "don't stop, Severus. Might we continue? Please? I don't want to stop..."
Severus gave her a cautious look. "Are you sure, Hermione?"
"Yes, I'm more than sure."
He paused, considering. "Are you on the potion?"
Hermione bit her lower lip hard. Why the hell hadn't that occurred to her until now? She wasn't seeing anyone, and even when she had been dating Ron, albeit briefly, she never thought about taking the potion at the time, as they hadn't gotten remotely serious.
"Um, no," she confessed awkwardly.
"I see." Severus eyed her over with care. "You haven't done this before, then?"
"No, I - I haven't..."
Severus didn't say anything. He had suspected this, but it was worth asking and taking the extra precaution, nonetheless. He could sense the same curious thought racking Hermione's mind, too.
Hermione hadn't given any thought before to whether the professor had an active sex life, or if he ever had, for that matter. She couldn't imagine that Severus got around very often, but then, she didn't know anything about that part of his life. Not yet; or at least, not until this moment.
"Are you..."
"I'm not," he answered. Seeing the wave of timidness that befell Hermione, Severus added, "But I've been celibate for many years. This is as nerve-wracking for me as it is for you."
Hermione let out a short fit of nervous giggles, continuing to bite at her lower lip. "Thank you."
Severus cocked his head and brushed at a few curls near Hermione's cheek. "Are you really sure, Hermione?"
The answer, however, was already clear. She was smiling decidedly at him, and even in the darkness, and even with the warming charm in place, her face radiated with a heat and excitement all its own.
"Yes, I'm sure, Severus. I want you. I... I want it to be you..."
To her relief, Severus finally conceded. He gave her that attractive, dark smirk of his that routinely made her stomach flutter and brought his lips to hers, once again kissing her with the same level of passion they had experienced before the man's scars disrupted everything.
Severus whipped his wand out of his pocket and brought Hermione's jacket beneath her, transfiguring it into an extra-large blanket or sleeping bag—she didn't bother to take a look—and eased her down upon it. He broke away from their kiss, and Hermione all but giggled excitedly at seeing him over top of her, looking fixedly at her with an insatiable hunger, as if he were about to devour her whole.
"If you want me to stop, Hermione," he whispered with unnaturally tender reassurance. It was quite nice to hear her lover being so gentle. "If you want me to stop at any point, just say so..."
Hermione nodded emphatically, clasped his head in both hands, and stunned him by shoving his mouth against hers. She felt a sexy rumble of deep laughter against her lips, and continued to kiss him with fervor. She didn't care anymore; she wasn't even nervous.
She just wanted him. Badly.
Severus helped pull her sweatshirt over her head. Hermione shivered a bit, unaccustomed to being in the nude in front of anyone, let alone him. She slowly unfastened her bra, watching him all the while, and was excited to find him reacting with positivity. She laid back down on the covering, allowing Severus's large hands to explore her body, and that was all she really needed. She could ignore her own bashfulness. She was already on fire, and this was what she had been craving.
Severus's erection brushed repeatedly between her thighs as he explored her now exposed body. She allowed him to touch her every which way he pleased, willingly giving herself over to this unconventionally handsome man, now all hers.
His fingers grazed her neck and shoulders before they began fondling her breasts; at the same time, his lips moved down from her mouth to suck on the nape of her neck. Hermione let out a gasp at the unfamiliar sensation it brought. She had never experienced that before. Her lover seemed already well attuned to her, and thus, proceeded to repeat the motion several more times.
Hermione felt herself growing wet between her legs, her quim becoming hotter and hotter by the second, as Severus's supple lips and tongue moved over every inch of her upper body, lightly sucking and licking and pecking without a break in contact with her skin.
Then Severus's tongue unexpectedly stroked one of her hardened nipples. Hermione gasped again, and heard Severus's aching groan in response to her own, loving the pleasure and reactions he was getting as he proceeded to suck on her breast.
His hand slowly made its way down her stomach, over the small scar on her torso she had gotten the year before, before it reached the top of her jeans. Hermione squeezed her eyes shut—but in urgency—as Severus unzipped her pants. She helped the process along and, before she knew it, her pants were kicked off, and she was stark naked before him in the November cold, in the middle of the woods, spare but for her white knickers, which were already soaked through.
Severus eyed her encouragingly before one of his hands slipped inside her drenched knickers to touch her at last. His fingers, so warm, gently circled her already overly sensitive nub before meeting her folds. Hermione bit her lip as Severus's fingers fondled in between her legs, taking in how moistened she was. The soft moan of pleasure she heard from him was additionally tempting. Her thighs inadvertently tensed.
"Relax," he urged her softly, prying her legs further apart. He delicately removed the knickers, leaving her fully exposed.
Hermione raised her head to watch him, both freshly nervous and, at the same time, in desperate need for him to continue and put her out of her misery. Severus, however, seemed fit to play with her first, and fingered her for some time, relishing the moans and shivers of delight his touch brought. He enjoyed how he seemed to be affecting the young, innocent witch.
"Do you want to come?" he baited with a low growl.
Hermione opened her eyes, but her vision was fuzzy. "Yes," she pleaded, shuddering with want.
She was so close, right on the edge. If he would just stop bloody toying with her already. She shifted her body, thrusting herself at different angles so that his fingers might meet the spot she wanted them so desperately to touch.
Severus half laughed, half snarled. "Not so fast, witch."
And then Hermione felt something lap at her insides. Severus had weaved his face in between her thighs and was pleasuring her with his tongue. It was certainly a different sensation from before. But, Merlin, it was fantastic.
"Oh, Sev...er...us!" she exclaimed, her hands soon reaching down to clasp onto fists full of his hair.
Hermione shut her eyes, overwhelmed with heat and arousal as Severus's nose pressed repeatedly against her clit, his tongue thrusting and moving to give her the best bloody orgasm of her life. Hermione's core clenched around Severus's face, her back arched, and, after another minute or two, she came with a pounding, desperate cry of his name. Then her body fell limp, and everything faded away into several seconds of pure ecstasy before her vision came back into focus.
Still breathing hard, Hermione angled her head to glance at Severus, who was straddled between her thighs with a trace of her trickling down from the corner of his mouth. Never removing his intense gaze, Severus's tongue slowly lapped over her remaining fluid, taking her into his mouth with undisguised satisfaction. Hermione unconsciously licked her own lips at witnessing her lover tasting her; it was seductive and wonderful.
Hermione heaved herself upward to be eye level with her wizard and peered down at Severus's length. He still had his trousers on, and his erection was obviously fraught to be released from its confinements. Hermione would put a remedy to that.
Giving him her most devious un-Gryffindor-like grin, she leaned forward to kiss him again, tasting the lingering scent of her in his mouth, which was admittedly interesting, as her hands unfastened his trousers. Severus readily allowed her to undress him, cradling her head in his hands as their kisses intensified. She may have been new to this, but it was all very pleasing to him. And she seemed to think so as well.
"Hang on," he breathed, pulling back from her once his trousers were removed. He stood erect from his gray briefs, and fumbled for his wand somewhere nearby.
"Oh," Hermione exhaled hard, "right..."
She had completely forgotten that she wasn't protected, and Severus sought to promptly address the matter. Eying her awkwardly beforehand, he waved his wand at her in a circular fashion and muttered the necessary contraceptive protection charm.
Well, that was easy enough, came the fleeting thought to Hermione's mind. It certainly beat taking a potion every day.
"It doesn't always work," Severus professed, as if reading her mind. He placed his wand on the ground and eyed her intently.
Hermione considered this for a moment. They were nearly there, and Hermione didn't want to hold back. She could make out the reservations on Severus's face, too, as well as in his unsteady voice.
"I... I know," she whispered, inching as close to him as possible. "But if your successful casting of spells is any indication, then we should be fine."
Severus chuckled quietly and considered her thoughtfully for a long moment. Then he rid himself of any further hesitation, which surprised her. For once, it seemed, he was going to take a leap of faith with her.
He began kissing her slowly, with precision, his hands making their way across her back like he was memorizing ridges on a map. Hermione did likewise, her fingers tracing the rough patches of skin all over his shoulder blades and spine. Her petite hands made their way down the center of his back. They reached inside his briefs and clutched at his arse, which the professor was definitely not anticipating.
Severus let out a faint growl that came out more like a gasp. Hermione snickered against his mouth, which caused him to kiss her more forcefully. She continued to massage his buttocks for a time, admittedly loving how firm he felt, before her hands gingerly reached around to his abdomen. She was curious, and while she was very much enjoying snogging the man, she wanted to see him as she removed the briefs.
It was more of an uncomfortable struggle, what with kneeling on the ground, but Severus finished the process for her and drew up onto his knees with his thighs slightly parted. Hermione's hands gently touched his solid abdomen before they followed the markings of his happy trail to his shaft.
Severus watched attentively as Hermione stared down at his engorged length. He was bigger than she anticipated, but then, she wasn't experienced with any of this anyhow, so she hardly knew what to expect, really. The thought of sex had long made Hermione uncomfortable; the idea of performing the act itself was trepidatious to her way of thinking.
As she stared down at him, however, all those previous nerve-racking thoughts dissipated. She was exhilarated after how he had so pleasured her, anxious to experience what it would feel like to make love to him, and found him a wondrous sight to behold. He wasn't grotesque or unsightly as her young, inexperienced mind had expected any wizard's manhood to be.
He really was beautiful, every inch of him.
"Hermione?"
Her eyes fluttered as they drew upward to meet Severus's visage, now growing apprehensive at her prolonged silence. She blushed and smiled widely at him in a way that radiated a rose-colored hue onto her cheeks. She bent forward to kiss and touch him again, and Severus breathed a sigh of relief into her mouth, letting out a deep, rumbling groan that left her excited, as one of her hands slid down to take him into her grip.
Hermione gently stroked and weaved her fingers over every inch of his length, both intrigued and overtaken by the wonderful sounds of pleasure she had never heard Severus make before. His head soon fell back as she massaged him with her fingers, exploring every sensitive spot, every nerve ending. She wanted to experience what it felt like to fully grope and hold him in the palm of her hand, a feat that left the powerful man temporarily bereft of control and at her mercy. She rather enjoyed that notion as well...
"Stop," he suddenly moaned, inhaling sharply.
He glided her hand away from him, and Hermione jerked. She looked him over with worry, but Severus's eyes were closed.
"I'm sorry. Did I do something?"
"No," he chortled roughly. His eyes slowly opened. "But if you continue, I won't be able to last..."
Hermione's smile broadened at the glint of desire she found. He kissed her, and soon Hermione felt herself being gently brought back down onto the soft covering beneath them, with the intoxicating heat of Severus on top of her. He stared down at her for a moment before he proceeded to peck her slowly, tenderly, his tongue penetrating her mouth as one of his hands simultaneously grazed down her front to pry her thighs apart.
Severus straddled her appropriately, kissing Hermione all the while, partly to keep her distracted. Hermione felt herself opening and growing wet all over again, and could hardly believe she could be so turned on in such a short span of time. Either her lover's touch was magic in itself—something that wasn't too far-fetched for her to believe—or she was simply far too easy to please for a first timer.
Hermione wove her arms around Severus's back and pressed him against her, wanting to really feel the weight of him on top of her. Her legs were spread wide, braced and ready. Despite their wonderful lip locking, however, Hermione was growing slightly nervous again.
Then she felt it. Severus eased himself into her, but not even half way before she let out a sharp yelp. She was tight around him and clenching, too. Severus looked down at her, concern marring his brow.
"Are you all right?"
Hermione nodded, but her eyes were squeezed shut, and she was clutching him a little too hard for comfort. Severus hesitated, disheartened by the notion of causing her pain instead of pleasure, and was half prepared to pull out, but then Hermione's eyes shot open.
"I'm fine, Severus," she answered, trying to keep her breaths even, focusing on his face as much as possible. "It's all right. I... I want you. Please? I really want you."
Severus complied silently, the sweltering intensity between their legs becoming too much to handle. He continued to withdraw and slide himself deeper inside her, moving delicately each time. It was more painful than Hermione expected, and try as she might, she let out several small cries of pain. Each time, however, she pushed through it and encouraged Severus to keep going, fearful he would stop and everything would be over.
Severus finally inched himself in completely. As he did so, Hermione let out a defiant gasp, her fingers digging into his back as he finally broke through her barrier at last.
Oh, Merlin! That fucking hurts! her mind was screaming.
"It's all right, love," she heard him whisper against her ear. "The pain will go away soon, I promise. I'll make it go away..."
Severus began to rock almost immediately, moving deliberately slowly so Hermione could get used to the feel and rhythm. And to her surprise, she soon forgot about the horrible pain and discomfort. Having Severus so deeply inside her felt more amazing than anything she had ever experienced in her entire life.
Hermione moved in synch with him, at first unsure of how to, but she found she didn't need to think about it much. With each pulsating thrust, she met it equally, and curved her spine as she did so. She was shortly overwhelmed by how pleasurable it all was that she lost focus.
Soon, their bodies were pushing rapidly, rushing closer and closer to climax. Severus growled and moaned and inhaled deeply, stimulated by the bliss of having himself encased within Hermione's canal, enfolding him with such wetness and delicious heat. Hermione, too, was overrun, shuddering as her lover moaned her name again and again, which she matched.
"Merlin, YES!" she cried out.
Her toes curled and she clenched around Severus as she came to climax once more, even harder than before. She curved her back as she hollered his name in pure exhilaration, and saw nothing but stars.
Severus plunged into her a few more times before he, too, climaxed, his seed spilling into her as he came. He let out his own glorious, resounding cry of rapture that Hermione only vaguely heard on account of being in the midst of her own ecstasy.
Slowly, her mind and body came back into focus, and her eyes were met with the beautiful sight of her dark wizard, his chest heaving against her bosom and his long hair tumbling down all around his perspiring face. The aroma of sweat and sex didn't whisk away with the autumn air but lingered, leaving the pair of them soon wanting more warmth than the charm in place allowed. Hermione kept her arms firmly bound around Severus's back as he fumbled for his wand. He quickly lit a fire nearby and collapsed his arm, spent.
Hermione took possession of his face, brushing his dampened locks out of their eyes to gaze at him properly. "That was..." A strange flicker occurred behind Severus's pupils, but then words finally formed in Hermione's mind. "Amazing, wonderful, bloody fantastic..."
That seemed to put his mind to rest. Severus pecked her swollen lips a few times before easing himself out of her and laying down at her side, still panting from the exercise. His exhausted breaths blew into the frigid, night air and disappeared.
Hermione felt strange and changed but ultimately content, almost drunk happy, as she drew close and snuggled into the nook of his arm. With his wand still in hand, and the warmth of the fire finally penetrating their limbs, Severus summoned his heavy cloak and transfigured it into an enlarged pillow for the pair of them to share. He then drew the thick, wonderfully warm sleeping bag he had transfigured earlier around them both.
Hermione wanted to think, wanted to consider everything that had happened tonight, but was now worn out, both physically and emotionally. She could tell just by her brief, upward glance at Severus that he, too, was fatigued, so she said nothing else. Instead, she nuzzled her cheek against Severus's chest and kissed it before drawing her arm across his torso, closing her eyes. Before long, she was fast asleep, wrapped up in the shared sleeping bag and her lover's arms.
Severus held tight to the young woman in his arms, who had declared her own returned affections for him, and was now lovingly curled up beside him. It was more than Severus ever could have hoped for tonight. He expected to leave without getting to tell her the truth, and not only had he managed to get through to her, but she had believed him, professed her feelings, and made love to him. It was overwhelming, and too much to think on right now.
Severus didn't fall asleep right away, but eventually, with the lull of Hermione's soft, even breaths and the hypnotic flames of the nearby fire he had cast, the strain of the day finally wore him down. His chin fell against Hermione's array of wild curls, and in a moment of rare fulfillment, he drifted off to sleep for several hours of uninterrupted bliss.
A/N #2: :)
