Ichigo's Notebook of Rant
Nothing I
A/N: Why are you guys thinking I'm already dead? I'm hurt. ='( lol xD But then... I'm late again. xD
I guess this is in line with chap 398, though a little late since chap 401 is out now. lol xD I'm so in love with that chap! ='( Ichigo, we know it. You treasure every word she says. AWWWW. (3
Also, this is dedicated to my 300th reviewer, GD. lol xD -glomps you- ;)
Warning: IDK if there should really be a warning or not but then... I think Ichi really have angsty moments. lol xD He did sulk on FTB too. Okay, with this warning, I think I just actually spoiled you. -__-
Standard disclaimers apply.
29: Stupid Nothing
... Damn it.
I'm mad at myself. I don't know why I fret over one fucking word. And it's nothing. It should've been nothing...
There was this incident awhile ago at the school grounds where the girls usually have their lunch. I was on the way to get my notebook back from that idiot but then I accidentally heard their discussions. I know it wasn't like me to eavesdrop, or listen to gossips and rumors. I don't believe in those unless I know them for a fact. I don't usually care. But this time, I just... I shouldn't have... It's just that...
"Hey Rukia. We heard from the Principal's Office that you live in Kurosaki's house. That true?" Mahana asked while they were having their lunch. By that, everyone turned their attention on her. I already had my confrontation about this a few days ago with the boys. It was the reason Keigo sulked for a few days. I was on my way to interrupt them but I wanted to hear what Rukia have to say so I hid behind a tree.
"Yeah."
"And... and... we also heard that his father called you his third daughter!" added Chizuru excitedly.
"Umm... yeah..."
"So, does that mean -"
Michiru was interrupted by Chizuru's blunt question. "Are you two having sex?"
"That's so straight to the point!"
Rukia couldn't help but choke on what she was chewing. She coughed and Inoue handed her water while patting her back. When she recovered, she said, "E-Excuse me?"
"Well, it's been the hottest gossip around so... we need to ask you directly. And you two sleep in the same house..."
"N-no. Of course not!" she answered. Though I could see she was getting uncomfortable with their interrogation. Maybe I should interrupt?
"Oh. Then... what is it between you and Ichigo? You two're always around each other and the gossips just grow bigger and bigger," said Tatsuki.
Rukia fidgeted before answering. "Uh... nothing. There's nothing between us."
"Really? Nothing? Why do I feel deja vu with this conversation?" Mahana asked.
"Yes. He's really just a frie-"
By that time, I didn't want to hear anything more. I walked away. It wasn't right to listen in their girl talk. Nothing huh? But she was right. There was nothing between us. What we have been doing for each other so far... that's... nothing? What transpired between us... that's also a nothing? Yeah. I-It's not like I saved her butt in Soul Society because... because of something? It was a debt. It wasn't because I wanted to erase her teary eyes in my memory that day she left. I-It's not like I wanted her to come back home with me at all. It's...
This pissed me off. When she saved my life numerous times... that was... nothing?
Sheesh. Why am I so bothered? It's not like... there's really something between us... We're just... nakama, aren't we? And nakamas do that to each other. They would sacrifice their lives for each other. It's not like she... stopped the... rain...
Shit! Why am I getting all worked up and denying the facts? Fact is... to me... it wasn't nothing. It didn't feel like nothing. Maybe I'm just over-reacting... I shouldn't have listened.
... Was it really nothing for her?
~.~.~.~.~
We were finally dismissed in class and I quickly left the room trying to avoid her. Can't believe I'm chickening out just because she said that. But I have to admit that I'm somewhat... hurt... She just says whatever she wants to say. Like when I came to Soul Society, she always asked me to go away, that I'm no match for her brother, that she have accepted her fate. Maybe at that time she had accepted hers, but I just couldn't accept that. I wanted to change that.
"Ichigo?" I turned around only to meet the person who have boggled me the whole day, face-to-face. "What's wrong? You don't look so well," she asked worriedly.
"Nothing." Never thought I'd say the word I so despised just a few minutes ago.
"Are you sick?"
"No, Rukia. I'm fine."
"Something's wrong. Why have you been avoiding me? You haven't talked to me since this morning."
"I'm just not in the mood to talk."
She opened her mouth as if to say something but held back. Instead she simply said, "Okay."
Normally, she would've hit me on the face but right now she didn't. Maybe because she didn't know why and she didn't want to jump to conclusions. She can be kind and sensitive at times too.
When we got to the house, I went straight to my room to rest, tossed my bag on the chair and fell face first on my bed. It's a pain to think, to be confused. We've gone through a lot for it to be called nothing. But then again, maybe I'm just really over reacting. What did I want to hear? That there was something between us? That we were partners? That we weren't just... ARGH! It's really annoying! Why am I so bothered over something so small? It's so stupid.
Then I heard a knock on the door. "Ichigo...?"
Good Lord, she finally learned how to knock.
"What?" I answered and sat up, expecting her to come in any time soon.
"Are you... are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong?"
I heard her voice from the door. Even though there was the wooden door dividing us, I heard her loud and clear, even I can tell the concern in her soft voice. "Idiot. Why would I be mad at you?"
"Then, why have you been avoiding me lately?"
"Rukia..." The door didn't open and I purposely never locked that damn door ever since she lived with us. Why doesn't she come in? I walked towards the door, a feet away from it. I could also tell that she was leaning from the other side as I leaned on the door too. "I wasn't avoiding you. I was just in a bad mood, so quit worrying."
"Ichigo... you know you can tell me anything, right?"
How can I tell you? What would I tell you? I can't even get a hold of it. I don't even understand it. I don't know why I'm acting this way.
"I know."
And I know now, I understand why she didn't want to come in. She respects my privacy at these moments. She knew when to barge in and when not to. So she waits for me to open the door. She didn't want to intrude at times I can be vulnerable. She didn't want to force her way in. She waits for the time when I feel like it.
I started to feel like a fool, getting all worked up with nothing. Nothing was just a word. I was reminded how we were not defined by words but by our actions. Nothing is just nothing. She may have said that, she have her own reasons but what's important is what she says to me, what she shows me, not what she tell others.
Silence reigned and I didn't even know for how long were we idiotically standing and leaning on the opposite sides of the door. "Rukia, are you asleep?" I asked. I know it was stupid but I wanted to break the silence.
"Idiot! Why would I sleep here? And I don't sleepwalk!"
"Did I say anything about sleepwalking?" I mocked.
"Hmm... talk about sleep, I think it's late."
"Rukia," I quickly opened the door just in time to see her turn away. She looked back at me, waiting for what I have to say. "G'night..."
She smiled gently."Goodnight."
A/N: Ah, I think I totally failed at writing this. lol xD I couldn't write it the way I imagined it the first time, plus my total lack of descriptions and vocabs. ='( Like there's no more juice left to squeeze or... whatever. lol xD Anyway, I think it's time there's been a reassessment of their relationship, doncha think so too? lol xD
I'm sorry if you find it OOC but the main thing I wanted to portray here is the door scene... or conversation. xD I needed an excuse to make Ichi not talk to her. lol xD And I think, even for real, that when you are in MU (Mutual Understanding state of relationship; "more than friends, less than lovers" sort of relationship) with another, saying that there is nothing in between can be hurtful. I do believe that IchiRuki, in manga, is in the state of M.U. lol xD
Oh and, I hope you guys got the message. It got its connection to memories in the rain. Opening of door is like opening of the heart. In chap 398, Ichigo understands and values her words.
About sleepwalking - Rukia is guilty of sleepwalking. Afterall, with the flashback of Kaien (Aaro vs. Ru) as she remembered where Kaien's heart lie, she was kinda sleepwalking. xD
To Reviewers: Thanks for reviewin' as always! ;D
