A/N: Kishimoto brought Naruto to the party. I'm more of a 'show up with an appetizer or dessert' kind of person.
Kunoichi
XIV. What it Isn't
It is a perfectly ordinary spring day the first time Might Gai does the math.
Several days prior, Tenten came to tell him she will be gone for most of the month, but that she would stop back in Konoha for two days as she traveled back from Suna to head northeast to Kumo. She promised to visit then.
He is holding the message she sent to let him know she made it to Suna safely.
It is then that he realizes that in the three-and-a-half years since the end of the war, she has not spent more than three weeks in Konoha at a time. The first year she was in ANBU, he had seen her only a handful of times, and she had spent at least six consecutive months away from the village.
He frowns.
The political climate has cooled considerably; there is no reason for her to be gone so often and for so long.
He has heard about several of her more dangerous missions – or perhaps, more accurately - he has heard about her time at the hospital. By the time he hears, though, she has been released for several days, and is normally in a completely different village and not slated to return for weeks.
Spring segues into summer as Gai watches her with increasing worry.
He finally goes to the council.
He makes a plea to the Hokage, Tsunade, Hiashi, Shibi, Chōza, Kurenai, Shikamaru, and a few of the others that help in the running of the village.
"I am asking as a Jōnin instructor, a concerned fellow shinobi of Konoha, and as your comrade," he says, his normal exuberant demeanor tempered by the seriousness of this request. "We've lost so many to the war. Don't let her be a casualty."
"She requests these missions, Gai," Tsunade says in a firm but not unsympathetic voice.
"And it makes sense to grant her requests," Shibi intones. "Why you may ask? It is because in the wake of Konoha's after-war prosperity, many of our citizens have gotten married and started families. As it is, there are few that can take the jobs she takes, and even fewer who are willing. She herself says she has no family."
"Perhaps not blood related," Gai interjects hotly, "but she is family to Lee and I! The Rookie Nine look out for her as well," he met their eyes. "Your children," He looked to Hiashi, Chōza, and Shibi. "Your students," He said to Kurenai. "Your comrades," he finished, gazing at Shikamaru. "They are her family."
"We know," Kurenai says gently. "She often volunteers to go in the place of her comrades."
"Demands is more like it," Shikamaru snorts. "It's troublesome, but it can't be helped. As an ANBU Captain, she can check the assignments daily. If it appears one of our friends are being considered for anything she feels is too dangerous or requires an extended leave from the village, she takes it."
"Surely there is something available in Konoha, if only for a couple of months," he urges. "She is the leading weapons specialist in the Land of Fire – perhaps something at the academy? Or working with Genma on bodyguard and protection details?"
Hiashi wants to help. He doesn't know precisely what her relationship was to his nephew, but he knows his death affected her greatly, and his daughter worries for her.
"We have tried," he offers. "Genma and I intended to make her one of the liaisons to my clan, but she declined."
"Bodyguard to the Hokage then," Gai's exasperation is almost comical. "Kakashi has several good will missions in the near future, ne? Let her switch over now, in preparation for those missions."
Chōza gives a good humored snort of laughter. "In this time of peace the Hokage hardly needs more protection – and Kakashi even less than that."
"Peace or not, protocol does dictate the Hokage should travel with bodyguards, and it would make sense to let those assigned become accustomed to the assignment." Tsunade allows. "It would be reasonable to have an ANBU captain head up the security. It might not be a bad idea to assign her in this capacity and assess if she is a good fit for the assignment." Kakashi hears the implied 'and for us to make sure she is stable enough.' "Do you have an opinion on this, Kakashi?"
He does, in fact, have an opinion.
Personal developments aside, she would be perfect for the job and it is a way to keep her closer to the village for her own safety and Gai's peace of mind.
However.
He isn't stupid enough to be the one to suggest much less pass that measure.
He will take responsibility for all of his decisions as Hokage, but he absolutely will not be the one that decides to keep Tenten in Konoha via assignment to his personal guard.
"He doesn't have his Sharingan anymore," Gai blurts out, earning a raised eyebrow from Tsunade. "He… he could use the extra guard."
Tsunade taps a bright red nail on the table. "I suppose it could be justified."
"I believe I should recuse myself from this vote," Kakashi says, spreading his hands.
The others nod, and Tsunade mutters 'coward' just loud enough for him to hear.
He knows she is teasing. He also knows that despite all appearances, she is just as concerned as Gai, and has discussed this with him several times, ex-Hokage to Hokage.
The council votes unanimously, much to Gai's delight. Tenten is brought in and informed of her assignment. She bows and accepts her duties to Konoha, with the understanding that at least once a month she has to report outside of Konoha for an ongoing ANBU assignment. It is noted, and she is told this mission will begin in one week. She bows again and leaves immediately for a five day mission.
He doesn't see her before she goes, but he does find her note on his pillow.
'I understand.'
When she returns, she makes a point to visit her old sensei, who is thrilled that she will be in Konoha more regularly.
She doesn't return his enthusiastic grin, but she allows him the comfort he seems to glean from the situation.
She spends an hour at the memorial under clear sky, keeping silent as the stars hover brightly.
She doesn't expect him, but when he is suddenly by her side at the memorial, she makes no move to leave.
In the silence, she feels his strong fingers weave into her own, and she is grateful for the anchor. She knows why he is here; he is making sure she isn't alone.
She knows what this isn't.
It isn't love.
Not quite.
It is loyalty, and it is honesty and it is reciprocity without expectation.
But it isn't love.
Her heart is too far gone, and his life too practical.
But when he holds his hand out to her or she holds her hand out to him – he can't remember which – and they return to his bed, or sit in front of the fire, or just stay in each other's company, everything they are or aren't or this is or isn't doesn't matter.
They just 'are.'
And that is enough.
The days slide into one another.
He watches as slowly the person behind the glassy eyes comes into focus, and she watches as the weight begins to lift from his shoulders. Neither can be accused of being happy per se, but they are both lighter.
There are many things this isn't.
And it isn't love.
But there is something there.
It is quiet, but it is present.
It lingers in the space between heartbeats and flits just on the periphery of her conscious self.
It is there in the gradual easing of the weights in his chest.
It is there when she runs into Ino, and sees that she is laughing again.
It is there when Naruto barges into his office to tell him that Sasuke has made real progress and that far fewer people tried to kill him on sight during their last mission.
It is there when Sakura clears her for her next mission, and is their conversation is minimal but comfortable.
It is there when he sees Kurenai and Mirai leaving the memorial, and the little girl turns to wave bye-bye to her father.
It is there the first time she smiles to herself at Gai and Lee's antics in what has probably been years.
(It is there when she leaves, and Gai weeps for joy at a small but tremendous victory.)
It is there when she, Kakashi, Shikamaru, Genma, Yamato, and Tsunade pour over maps, scrolls, intelligence reports, treaties, and other documents as they discuss the upcoming diplomatic missions in Konoha and abroad, and begin to iron out the logistics.
It is there when Kakashi watches her during the meeting and realizes that she is actively discussing what their roles will be a year from now during the Kage Summit.
It is there when she realizes she hasn't planned anything so far ahead, never looking beyond the end of her missions.
It is there when the two of them sit in his office long after everyone is gone, and they are still discussing the journey to Suna, and the short trip she, Shikamaru, and Yamato shall take ahead of time to familiarize themselves with the area.
(It is there when they only half jokingly decide this has to be kept a secret from Naruto, or he will no doubt demand to tag along.)
It is there, but she can't quite place what it is– like seeing an oh-so-familiar face and being unable to dredge up the name from memory.
The realization comes late one night when his arms are wound about her and her breathing is stilling against the crook of his neck.
The gradual easing of the weight about them both.
The strange almost aching sensation in her chest.
The light she sees flickering in her own eyes, and reflected in his.
She knows what it is.
It isn't Love.
It is Hope.
And it is filling her heart.
A/N: Next Chapter - Suspicion
