Chapter 29: Three Tales of Quahog

(A/E: Hello everyone and welcome to 2014! And to start off the year, I decided to make something different: in this chapter there will be three different plots, each one starring different characters. This chapter I got inspired from an episode of Avatar: The Last Airbender: 'Tales of Ba Sing Se', where each character(s) has its own story. Anyway, enjoy it!)

Tale #1: Midlife Crisis

Frank and Helena were on the apartment's roof, looking at the stars.

"The stars look beautiful tonight" Helena said.

"Not as beautiful as you" Frank said, kissing her "Listen, there's something I wanted to tell you since Christmas..."

"About what happened to our matrimony rings?" Helena asked.

" No, no, no, I understand that I was a douche abandoning my family to join the army" Frank said "I understand you didn't want me"

"Well, I want you now" Helena said "You won't abandon us ever again"

"Anyway, what I wanted to say is...I want another child" Frank said.

"Another...child?" Helena asked.

"Yeah, now that we're together, I'd like to make the Walker clan bigger" Frank said "After all, we're both come from very large families."

"What about Edward and Amy?" Helena asked.

"We'll talk to them in the morning" Frank answered "I know they'll be happy to have a baby brother or sister"

"I don't know, they're both very emotional" Helena said "Eddie hates anyone who likes a movie he despises"

Flashback

Eddie entered an elevator where there was a guy. Then Eddie found out this guy was carrying a DVD of...M. Night Shyamalan's The Last Airbender. Eddie instantly reacted as he threw the guy against the wall.

"HAVE YOU SEEN THIS ATROCITY BEFORE?!" Eddie angrily asked.

Then the elevator stopped, Eddie took the DVD and slowly got out of the elevator.

"Hey, screw you, man. That movie is MUCH BETTER than that stupid cartoon!" The guy said.

Then a dragon claw pierced the door and grabbed the guy's neck. Then it was opened by...a humanoid dragon. He dropped the DVD on the floor and stomped it. Don't ask me what happened next. Let's just said there was blood...A LOT of blood.

Flashback's end

"And Amy gets easily excited" Helena said.

Flashback

Eddie and Amy were watching the 71th Golden Globe Awards. They were announcing Best Animated Picture.

And the Golden Globe goes to...Frozen!

"FROZEN WON?!" Amy asked, taking out her own party cannon "PARTY TIME!"

*BOOM*

It exploded balloons, confetti, a piñata and a cake. Amy started dancing until Eddie stopped the music.

"Amy, Frozen just won the Golden Globe" Eddie said "It's not as good as the Oscar"

"Aw..." Amy groaned, disappointed "I guess I should give Pinkie her party cannon back"

Flashback's end

"We won't know about it until we talk to them" Frank said.

"I guess you're right" Helena said.

Next morning; the Walkers were having a family meeting.

"Kids, there's something we need to talk to you about." Frank said.

"You and Mom are gonna remarry?!" Amy asked, excited "YAY!"

"Wait, remarry?" Frank asked confused.

"AMY!" Helena scolded.

"Oh...he didn't...know?" Amy asked.

"He didn't know what?" Eddie asked.

"Did we get divorced before I joined the army?" Frank asked.

"*nervous* I...I..." Helena said, trying to think about a lie.

"That's okay, you don't have to tell me right now" Frank said.

"Phew..." Helena sighed.

"Anyway, we wanna ask you something" Frank said.

"What is it?" Eddie asked.

"Would you like to have...another sibling?" Frank asked.

"What/WHAT?!" Eddie and Amy asked, not in shock, but both were really surprised.

"Me and your mother want to have another baby" Frank said.

"And we wonder if you want to have a baby brother or sister" Helena said.

"Well..." Eddie said, trying to say something.

"PLEASE, DON'T!" Amy begged as she, in a slapstick way, stripped off her clothes and revealed baby clothes (a sky blue bonnet, pigtails, a smaller pink shirt and a diaper with pink ribbons). She also got a bottle full of milk and a rattle "I'm still the family's baby!" She started drinking her milk.

"Sweetie, you're 15 years old" Helena said, taking off the bottle and the rattle "You're not a baby anymore"

"Yes, so please take off your clothes, you look ridiculous" Eddie ordered.

"*sigh* All right..." Amy said, going to her room.

"What do you think about us having a baby, son?" Frank asked.

"Are you sure you guys will be able to handle it?" Eddie asked "Because there can be some...disadvantages"

"What disadvantages?" Helena asked.

"It can be your age..." Eddie answered.

"What?!" Frank asked "Are you telling us we're too old to have another child?"

"No, but..."

"Well, we're going to the doctor and we'll prove we're still in our glory days" Frank said standing up "Come on, honey"

"Wait, slow down" Helena said as she was grabbed and they both left.

"Mental note: never mention older people's age" Eddie said until he heard something and looked out the window.

He saw Robin Williams still pretending to fly since 'Laugh Free or Die Hard' chapter.

"I'm Peter Pan and I will never, ever, ever, ever, grow up!" Robin Williams said.

"Is he STILL doing that?" Eddie asked.

That afternoon; Frank and Helena visited Dr. Hartman, so he can inseminate Helena with Frank's sperm.

"Guys, I have some good news and bad news" Dr. Hartman said "The bad news is that your sperm is dead"

"My sperm is dead?" Frank asked "How's that possible?"

"Just look at them" Dr. Hartman said, allowing him to look through the microscope.

Frank's sperms had Xs on their eyes and they looked like raisins.

"And the good news?" Helena asked.

"You won't have to pay for insemination!" Dr. Hartman answered as he laughed…but no one else was laughing with him. "God, I suck at this..."

"How did this happen?" Helena asked.

"Wait, I think I remember something when I was in the Army..." Frank said.

Flashback

A boot camp is shown in a similar style of Stanley Kubrick's Full Metal Jacket. Even the Drill Instructor has a strong resemblance of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman.

"You're all here, because you're the most pathetic scums of Earth! From now on you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your filthy sewers will be "Sir"!" the Drill Instructor explained "Do you maggots understand?!"

"Sir, yes, sir!" the recruits answered in unison in a normal speaking tone.

"I can't hear you!" the Drill Instructor replied.

"SIR, YES SIR!" the recruits exclaimed in unison, much louder

"What a waste of time..." Frank said.

"Who said that?!" the Drill Instructor asked "Who the hell said that?! Who's the slimy little communist, twinkle-toed flag burner here who just signed his own death warrant?!"

"*mocking* Me, sir" Frank said.

"What have we got here, a comedian?" the Drill Instructor asked "Private Walker. I admire your honesty. Hell, I like you, you can come over to my house and screw my sister!"

"Is she hot...?" Frank asked as the Instructor Drill punched Frank in the testicles VERY HARD "OW! What the hell?!"

"I read your record: you were arrested for child abuse and domestic violence!" the Drill Instructor said "You think you're tough?! You think you're a real man?! Let me tell you a secret you little scumbag: I got your name! I got your ASS!"

He punched in the balls again.

"OW!"

"I got your balls too!" the Drill Instructor added "You're my bitch now! For now on: your name is Private Broken Nuts!"

"What?" Frank asked as the Drill Instructor took out some pincers and you guys really don't wanna know what happened next.

Flashback's end

"Oh my lord, that's horrible" Helena said.

"But what I didn't get was that he called me an abusive father" Frank said confused "I wasn't abusive, right?"

"No, dear..." Helena lied.

"Now about the baby, we can ask for a sperm donor" Frank said.

"Yeah...I should have tell you after you asked me to have a baby" Helena said.

"What is it?" Frank asked.

"I can't have children anymore" Helena answered.

"What?" Frank asked, shocked.

"Yeah, I checked on her last week and her uterus is deformed" Dr. Hartman "Even if you get a sperm donor, the fetus would get crushed like Jaden Smith's career"

"So...that means we can't have a baby..." Frank said in vain.

"At least she didn't have a parasite like my last patient" Dr. Hartman said.

Flashback

It only showed the door, but we can hear the screams of horror from Dr. Hartman

OH MY GOD!

*ROAR!*

DIE BITCH!

*BANG* *BANG*

*ROOAAAAAAAAR!*

*BLAST*

*hardly breathing*

It's over...

The last patient happened to be...Meg.

"Thank you Dr. Hartman" Meg thanked "Now if you excuse me, I'm gonna have sex with my boyfriend"

Meg left the building, but then Dr. Hartman came out covered in blood and gore.

"Meg, wait!" Dr. Hartman said "It's very likely the parasite left its eggs...!" but he realized she was already gone "Oh, what the hell. It's her boyfriend's problem now"

Flashback's end

After leaving the hospital; Frank and Helena were driving back to home. But Helena was depressed.

"Look Helena, it's okay" Frank said "We don't need more children to be a complete family"

"It's not that, Frank..." Helena said "It's just...you should know why we divorced"

"Dear, I already know that" Frank said.

"You do?" Helena asked, surprised.

"Yeah, you were mad at me, because you think I abandoned you guys" Frank said "So you annulled our marriage as sort of revenge"

"Uh...of course?"

"I would call it a 'bitch move', you know: the female term from 'dick move', but I guess I wasn't good enough as a husband" Frank said "But we can still renew our vows"

"Yes, it's a good idea" Helena said "*mentally* that was close"

"Hey, look!" Frank said "A tennis field!"

They found a tennis field where everyone is playing tennis. So the Walkers got out of the car to check it out. Then they found a couple playing in the same place. It happens to be Peter and Lois.

"Hey, guys!" Lois greeted.

"Good afternoon, Lois" Helena greeted "What are you doing here?"

"Peter needs to do more exercise, so I brought him here to play tennis with me" Lois said.

"*hardly breathing* I'm...so...tired" Peter said.

"We're been just here for 10 minutes, Peter" Lois said annoyed.

"Hey, can we play too?" Frank asked.

"Sure, we got two extra tennis outfits" Lois said.

After the Walkers changed outfits, they were ready to play.

"All right, honey" Frank said "This is our chance to prove our kids we're not old"

"*mentally* I need to use my high skills at minimum or they'll suspect I'm a spy" Helena thought.

"Hey, Helena!" Peter said "Take it easy or they'll suspect you're a spy!"

"Now you're being ridiculous, Peter" Lois said.

"I serve!" Frank said throwing the ball and hitting it with his racket.

Lois hits the ball towards Helena and she just waved her racket, missing the ball completely on purpose..

"0-15!" Lois exclaimed.

"Focus, Helena" Frank told her.

"*mentally* *sarcastically* Good job, Helena, you're making it too obvious" Helena thought.

"You're making too obvious!" Peter said.

"How do you know what I am thinking, anyway?" Helena asked.

"I've been hanging out with an anime teenage girl who has psychic powers" Peter answered.

Flashback

Peter was with Haruka Kotoura from Kotoura-san (A/E: It's an actual anime, believe it or not).

"So I accidentally revealed to my mother (Kumiko Kotoura) that my father was having an affair, which caused her to abandon me, leaving me with my loving, yet perverted grandpa (Zenzou Kotoura)" Haruka explained her story, which it means the premise of the anime "Then every kid I've met rejected me in every single school until high school where I met this perverted, but kind-hearted guy (Yoshihisa Manabe) who likes me. Then we joined to a kind of psychic investigators club whose leader is a blue-haired girl obsessed with psychic stuff (Yuriko Mifune) and a midget guy (Daichi Muroto). And my enemy (Hiyori Moritani ) is a karate alpha bitch who was jealous at me for hanging out with the perverted guy, because she apparently likes him"

"Wow, your life is more screwed up than Meg's" Peter said "Except you're..."

"Hotter than her, yes, I knew you would say that" Haruka said "But I'm A-cup, you know that?"

(A/E: You guys REALLY have to see this anime. It only has 12 episodes, it's not Dragon Ball Z or Yu-Gi-Oh!, but it's not supposed to be. It's still a decent anime)

Flashback's end

"Wait, that doesn't explain...oh, never mind" Helena said.

Lois threw and hit the ball. Then Frank hit it so fast that Peter dodged it.

"15-15!" Frank exclaimed.

"You're suppose to hit the ball, not dodge it!" Lois scolded him.

"Nag, nag, nag!" Peter mocked.

Helena threw and hit the ball lightly. Then Peter hit it, then Frank hit it and bounced it very high. But Lois jumped and hit so hard that Frank and Helena missed it.

"15-30!" Lois exclaimed.

The game continued and both teams were really heating up. But the Walkers were winning 40-30. It was Helena's turn.

"Helena, play with all your strength!" Frank told her.

Helena just sighed and she closed her eyes. In slow-mo, she threw the ball, she jumped high and with all her strength...

*POW!*

The ball was hit so hard that...

*POW*

...it hit Peter's testicles.

"AAAAAAHHHHH!" Peter screamed covering his groin and ended on the ground.

"Oh my god, PETER!" Lois screamed going to him "Are you okay?"

"Lois, can we skip sex tonight?" Peter asked in a high pitched voice.

"Yes and I'm sorry for being harsh on you" Lois said.

"Lois, I'm so sorry for what I did to your husband" Helena said.

"It's okay, it's my fault, I can be very competitive sometimes" Lois said.

"Well, that was a great game" Frank said "We make a good team, dear"

"Yes" Helena said "We do..."

End of Tale #1

Tale #2: How to Train your Werewolf

Amy was in Quahog's downtown area. She was still shocked that her parents want to have a baby.

"How's that possible?" Amy asked to herself "15 years has passed since I was born and NOW they wanna be parents again? What if it's cuter than me? What if they kick me out and I live as a homeless person?! WHAT IF...?!" then she saw something from an antique shop: a silver necklace with a moon-shape sapphire on it "Oh my gosh! That's the prettiest necklace I've ever seen all season! Now I forgot what I was worry about!"

"About your parents having a baby?" Dylan asked, appearing from nowhere.

"Darn it, Dylan!" Amy cursed "Sorry my language, it's just I'll feel excluded if they really have it"

"You think YOU have a problem?" Dylan asked "Tonight is a full moon and you know what that means"

"Oh yeah, your werewolf transformation" Amy said.

"Yes and if you guys are planning to go out somewhere, count me out" Dylan said.

"Wait, I got an idea!" Amy said.

"What is it?" Dylan asked.

"Let me help you control your transformation" Amy said.

"Amy, that's impossible" Dylan commented "I tried to control it. I even consulted a fellow werewolf."

Cutaway

It showed Dylan talking with Sonic the Hedgehog.

"Look, I am trying my best to control this beast inside me, but nothing worked! That's why I came to you." Dylan explained.

"First off, I became a Werehog, not a werewolf. Secondly, I don't know why I should help anyone. All those ungrateful idiots do is bitch about how bad Sonic '06 was. I get it! That boss fight with Silver was broken, you can still play Sonic Lost World…oh, wait, you're all too busy playing DmC: Devil May Cry, Pokemon X and Y or the newest Call of Duty game. Seriously, screw you guys, screw you all!"

"Wow, you ain't bitter at all." Dylan said

Cutaway's End

"Meet me tomorrow night in the woods, few minutes before the full moon reaches it peak" Amy said "Bye!"

Like a lightning bolt, she left.

"Wow, she's not afraid of anything" Dylan said "She's like Indiana Jones when he faced the Devil in Hell"

Cutaway

We see Indy in Hell against the Devil. Who looks like a 50-ft tall fire-breathing monster with two giant demonic swords.

"Is that the Devil?" Indy asked skeptical "He doesn't look scary as everyone makes him out to be."

But then the Devil revealed two giant SNAKES coming out his back.

"*shaking of fear* Okay, NOW he's scary!" Indy screamed.

The Devil was about to kill him, but then out of nowhere, a holy grenade was thrown into his mouth and...

*BOOOM*

The Devil was gone. Indy turned around and found out it was Axel.

"How disappointing, I expected an intense death match." Axel said.

Then it was revealed this Devil's form was just a disguise since the Devil looks like a dumbass human.

"Oh man, I spent two thousand years to make it look awesome!" The Devil complained.

Cutaway's end

Later that night in the woods; Brian, Amy, Dylan, Axel, Chris, Jet and Bobby were all together waiting for the full moon.

"All right, full moon will be here any minute" Brian said.

"Amy, I'm still thinking this is a bad idea" Dylan said "If I eat you, Eddie will kill me"

"Relax, Dilly" Amy said "I've done some research and I know how to control your transformation"

"Besides, we'll back her up" Jet said.

"Eddie is like a brother to us, that makes Amy our sister" Bobby said.

"Besides, I became a ninja too!" Chris said holding Eddie's katana "HI-YAAH!" He accidentally loses his grip on the katana, sending it into a perched bird's nest. "Oops"

"As Master Chozen would say to you: *Japanese accent* You still have long way...but you can still have big wiener" Jet said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Chris asked.

"I don't know, Master Chozen was always weird" Jet said.

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot." Axel said taking out something from his Impala's trunk: a moving bag.

"What is it?" Brian asked.

"Just some fresh food in case Dylan wants to eat you" Axel answered.

"*gasp* Don't tell me you brought innocent bunnies!" Amy said.

"Even better" Axel said opening the bag revealing...Connie D'Amico wearing a playboy bunny costume. Her mouth was taped and her hands and legs were tied up "A playboy bunny bitch!"

"*muffled* help! Help!" Connie begged.

"Ax, that's a human being" Jet said.

"You're not serious, right? " Axel replied "She's the biggest bitch in school, if not the Universe. Wait, Kyle's mom has that place. But still, she deserves no sympathy, nor mercy "

"Guys, look!" Brian said as the clouds revealed the full moon.

"Eh...ARGH!" Dylan screamed in pain, suffering the transformation.

Dylan's body became hairy, his face became like a wolf, his clothes were torn out, he got fangs on his teeth, his nails turned to claws and finally his tail popped out. He let out a howl, making Chris quiver in fear.

"A ninja must never feel fear" Jet said.

Connie tried to get out of here, moving like a worm. But Axel had his Desert Eagle pointing at her.

"You're not going anywhere" Axel said.

"*muffled* You sick bastard!" Connie screamed.

"Dylan, are you still in there?" Brian asked.

But Dylan looked at Amy and he lunges at her. But then...Amy took out a whistle.

*Whistle*

Dylan suddenly stopped.

"Stay, boy!" Amy ordered as Dylan remained still "Now, sit!" Dylan sat down.

"What the hell?" Axel asked as he saw Brian sitting down "Brian?"

"She's doing dog commands" Brian said.

"So werewolves are like dogs?" Jet asked.

"So does that mean mermaids act like fishes?" Bobby asked.

"Roll over" Amy ordered as Dylan rolled out "Good boy!" she gives him a dog snack.

"Do I get one too?" Brian asked.

"You smart bitch..." Axel said, "I would use one myself, but that would make me look like a rapist…"

"A wolf is not so different from a dog" Amy said rubbing Dylan's muzzle "All you need to do is domesticate it" she turned her eyes to Werewolf Dylan "Who's my good doggy boy?"

"Woof-woof!" Werewolf Dylan woofed.

"That's right, you're my good doggy boy!" Amy said continued rubbing his muzzle.

"Okay, I'm getting jealous" Chris said with envy.

"What you're gonna do now?" Jet asked.

"I'm gonna bring him to my apartment to complete his training, and then..." Amy said until she realized he was gone "OH NO!"

"Damn, he's fast" Bobby commented.

"We must find him before he does the unthinkable!" Amy said.

"Let's go! To the impala!" Axel ordered as everybody got into the Impala.

They drove away...but they forgot Connie.

"*muffled* hey, you forgot me!" Connie said "F*ck..."

Werewolf Dylan was in the city's downtown district where he found the antique shop. For some reason, he was attached to the silver necklace. So he broke the glass and took it with his mouth. As soon the alarm rang, he ran away with the necklace on his mouth.

Our heroes continued looking for Dylan.

"Dylan!" Amy called.

"Where the hell are you?!" Axel asked.

Then they finally found Dylan, with the necklace in his mouth.

"There you are!" Brian said.

"What's that thing he's holding in his mouth?" Chris asked.

"It's the necklace I saw earlier!" Amy said.

"Looks like he likes shiny things" Bobby said.

"You're a bad dog, Dylan!" Amy scolded him "Stealing is wrong! Now give me the necklace!" She tried to take it, but he refused "Give it to me!"

She and Dylan pulled until they both let the necklace go up in the air and it slipped on Dylan's neck. Suddenly, the sapphire started to shine and the light covered Dylan completely.

"What's going on?!" Brian asked.

The light was ceased and Dylan was changed back to normal. He was naked of course.

"He changed back..." Chris said.

"Dylan, are you all right?" Brian asked.

"Uh...I...guess..." Dylan answered, a little dizzy.

"Ah...Dilly, you're not wearing any clothes" Amy said.

"Oh my god!" Dylan screamed, blushing as hell.

"Put on my shirt" Jet said, giving his green shirt. He still had his white long-sleeve undershirt anyway.

"The necklace turned me back to normal" Dylan said.

"You can't have the necklace, We should take it back to the store" Brian said.

"But Dad, with this object, I don't have to worry about my transformation anymore" Dylan said.

"He got a point, Brian" Axel said, "Besides, who's going to give a crap about a necklace?"

"*sighed* I'm still not convinced, but if that's makes you feel safe, okay" Brian said.

"Yes!" Dylan cheered.

"Dude, I can see your little buddy" Bobby said.

"Oh, crap!" Dylan cursed, covering his privates with the shirt.

"Here, you can wear my tights!" Amy said, giving her sky-blue tights. She still had her skirt anyway.

"Who do you think I am? Your brother?" Dylan asked.

Everybody laughed at Dylan's comment

End of Tale #2

Tale #3: Two Strong Rivals

A young man with a sword was in the woods, training his sword skills. He quickly kicks the tree, making it drop several leaves. He jumps high and in a flurry of quick slices, cuts every single one of them. He was revealed to be...Matthew Ryder.

"*sighed* I've become stronger. Today was a good day." Matthew said, until he heard something near from here.

He looked around until he found Connie. She was still tied up and wearing the playboy bunny costume.

"Connie?" Matthew asked as he took off…or rather rip off Connie's tape.

"OW!" Connie screamed of pain "Hey, that hurts!"

"*sarcastically* Well, sorry Ms. D'Amico" Matthew said.

"You won't believe what happened to me" Connie said.

"Axel did this to you?" Matthew asked.

"Yeah, he did-what? How did you know" Connie asked, surprised that Matthew knows about it.

"Let me take you home. My sister got a few clothes you can borrow." Matthew said.

Matthew took Connie to his house. She was wearing a pink T-shirt with a Jigglypuff on it and denim hot pants.

"Didn't she has a normal T-shirt?" Connie asked "You know, one that doesn't have any of those stupid Japanese cartoony animals that don't exist"

"It's all the 'decent' clothes she has" Matthew answered.

"Anyway, how do you know about how Axel terrorize me and my friends?" Connie asked.

"Meg told me how Axel made her school life easier." Matthew answered "Which obviously means making yours and your friends' worse"

"Well, this guy is a complete psycho" Connie said "He chained Scott inside of a dirty bathroom"

Flashback

Scott was cutting off his chained leg with a handsaw.

"OH GOD! OH GOD! THAT F*CKING HURTS!" Scott screamed as a lot of blood was pouring out.

"Welcome to the club." John Kramer from the Saw series growled, his foot chained as well.

"Flashback's end

"He gave Gina and Jasmine (A/E: the black haired Connie's friend, I can't find her real name) a killer doll" Connie added.

Flashback

Both girls opened a present box and Chucky from Child's Play came out.

"Prepare to die, bitches!" Chucky exclaimed, holding a knife.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" both girls screamed of horror.

Flashback's end

"And I heard there was a new student called 'Mental Mike (from 'A Fistful of Meg')' who threatened Meg's life and you can imagine what happened next" Connie said.

Flashback

Mental Mike is shown to be cut in half after being sliced by a chainsaw.

"I'm gonna need a lot of acid" Axel said, covered with blood.

Flashback's end

"Wow, he really loves horror movies" Matthew commented.

"He's out of control!" Connie replied "We just do harmless pranks and he does unnecessary cruel punishments that could affect us psychologically for the rest of our lives!"

"I guess somebody has to put his feet back on the ground" Matthew said.

"You mean like...you?" Connie asked.

"*sighed* okay, I'll try" Matthew answered as Connie hugged him.

"Oh, thank you so much!" Connie exclaimed.

"Yeah, yeah..." Matthew replied.

Next day after school, Axel and Dylan were walking home together until Matthew appeared in front of them.

"Hey, you!" Matthew called.

"Me?" Dylan asked.

"No, Axel Everett" Matthew answered "What's your problem?"

"Well, you're blocking our way home...other than that, it could be the almost insatiable sex drive or the bloodlust I have." Axel answered.

"No, I mean, why are you torturing Connie and her friends?" Matthew asked.

"Are you KIDDING ME?" Axel asked in shock, "That's why you're here?! You defending a heartless bitch after what you did to your childhood friend? To Chris and so many harmless kids? Do you not realize how much suicide deaths had dropped since I came into town?"

"Hey, maybe she and Meg have their...'disagreements', but you don't have the right step on them like bugs!" Matthew said.

"And what you're gonna do?" Axel asked "Call the police? I already put them in their place…" It closed in on his face with a dark grin.

Flashback

"Dear Police Department, please ignore the actions of city local Axel Everett. He is actually a undercover CIA agent that had splashed in the Fountain of Youth, looking significantly younger. If you don't believe us, asks him for his gun. That should be good enough for credentials. Sincerely, the CIA." Joe read inside his office. "Hmm, looks clean. It's not like the CIA to lie to an crippled accomplished policeman."

Flashback's End

"Nope..." Matthew said taking out his sword "I'm gonna fight you!"

"Yeah, I heard Eddie kicked your ass long ago" Axel said "Me? I'm a million times stronger than him. If you can't beat Eddie…you can't beat me."

"Don't underestimate me" Matthew warned "Unlike Eddie, who stopped training to spend time with Meg, I've been training every single day"

"Don't make me laugh" Axel said, continuing his way.

"Let me show you" Matthew said raising his sword "AAAAARGHHHH!" he swung the sword to unleash a strong gust of wind that made Axel covered himself with his arm.

Then Axel's sleeve was tore apart and a cut was made.

"Not bad, huh?" Matthew asked.

"You...made me bleed" Axel said, before turning to face him. Raising his hand, he pointed at him, "You… are already dead"

He took out his Desert Eagle and Ragnarok and started shooting at him. But he reflected every single bullet and then tried to slash him. But Axel flips backwards, and once he landed on his feet, he retaliates with a hard punch, sending Matt to the football field.

Matthew stood up, sheathing his sword and both guys stared at each other with fierce intent. Both eyes zoom in cinematic style. Then they both charged at each other, engaging in hand-to-hand combat. Matthew gave him two punches and a kick, but Axel dodged them all. Then Axel gave him a kick, but Matthew grabbed his leg and threw him against a football pole.

"Wow...you're really different from Eddie." Axel said.

"Now, are you gonna leave Connie and her friends alone?" Matthew asked.

"Never!" Axel said taking out his guns and shooting again.

Matthew reflected the bullets again. Axel kept shooting until he was out of bullets.

"Goddamn it!" Axel cursed.

"This is why I use swords" Matthew said "They never run out" he took a high jump "AAAAAAAAAAAARGHHH!"

Axel threw his Ragnarok, sending the shotgun spinning towards Matthew's hand. With a vicious smack of steel, it made Matt drop his sword to the ground. Axel quickly took the sword and pointed at Matthew as soon as he landed hard on the ground.

"Sorry, Mattie, but I win" Axel said.

"Go ahead, finish me so I can die like a noble warrior" Matthew said as Axel raised the sword "WAIT! I was joking! I'm very stupid!"

Axel was about to stab him...but he stabbed the ground.

"No, you fought honorably" Axel said "You're a worthy rival"

"Does that means you'll leave Connie and her friends alone?" Matthew asked.

"*laughing* good one" Axel said "Just tell her not to mess with me or my friends...except Eddie...and Meg, I don't care if Shen's General feels sorry for her, it wouldn't be Family Guy if there was no Meg bashing."

He just leave, catching his Ragnarok from mid-air as Matthew just lied in the ground.

"I can't believe I defended a blonde bitch..." Matthew said "I hate to admit it...but she looked cute when she asked for my help"

Connie was behind of the lockers watching the fight the whole time.

End of Tale #3 AND the chapter