"I don't know, I think we grew apart, maybe even we grew up. We got sick of everything; it didn't give us any joy, so it wasn't fair for anyone to keep going. It's not like we hate each other and ended it, but we did argue more and more frequently, it was tearing us apart. We couldn't work together, if I wrote a song Jules would point out small, tiny flaws and told me to throw away the whole thing, if we had made a song the rest wouldn't even listen to it. We stopped going forward. Working together didn't work anymore."
She shifts in her chair. She's been quiet after the Frets took a break over two year ago. She's been dead quiet, but claims she's been around. All the other band members has done solo projects or made other bands. The other band members have also claimed a creative dry as the sole reason for their breakup. Ino doesn't mind going into details about it, all the drunken nights, the conflicts in the band, the arguments and the affairs, even if she doesn't really go into details about the affairs she just doesn't deny it.
"Everybody has gone their own way, made something else. What are your plans for the future?"
She takes off her silver ring and plays with it. "Well, it is this thing. I've been engaged for years now, nobody knows, but I think it's time to do something about it. It's just been sitting on my finger. I have to face it, most people my age have started families. I don't know if that's what I want as well. I can't have any on my own so we'll have to adopt, and that takes time. I'm also not sure if it would be fair for a child to be adopted by us. I mean, I think we would make great parents, it's just that he or she wouldn't have a totally normal life."
"Congratulations on the engagement! Nobody knew? Really that's amazing!"
She laughs, she's so very private when it comes to certain parts of her life. "Yes, it's been a few years now. It's time to do something about it. It's just that I've never wanted to get married, but now I want to do it for him. He really wants to I think."
"By him you're meaning Deidara right?"
I'm not sure if anybody can make her smile like that. She turns into a blushing, giggling teenage girl. She tells how she used to despise him when they first meet but loved his butt. That's the rock star behavior that I was missing.
"So how about the Frets, is it over? Do you think you'll ever get back together?"
"That is such a hard question. We're four people, if nothing has changed since last time we were together… I think we, no. I can't answer that. I really hope it's not over, but they are all doing their own thing and seem to be pretty happy with it. I've tried to make something happen; I don't think they are ready to get over all the problems we had. Many of them I had created."
"Problems you created? You're the only girl, and lots have been said about that, did you ever have an affair with any of the other band members?"
She bites her bottom lip. "Me and Jules had a pretty intense relationship; it's nothing like what it was made into in the media. We weren't like rabbits you know? Considering our past, and how everything happened I was closer to him than the rest. We didn't no, it wasn't like it's portrayed in the media." I wanted to correct her on say me first, but I figured it was maybe some way of telling how mad she was at him, and she's French. She had corrected me every single time on that last time we had talked. She doesn't seem like the same person anymore.
"So you're saying you two had something going on?"
She laughs and puts her right hand on top of her knee. She refuses to answer, I get the point. I'll just mark that one as true and pretty intense as she said. Trying a new tactic I ask her if she's going to do some solo work as well.
"But you're all good now? You're clean and doing good?"
"There's not a day that goes by without me missing that stuff. I love it more than I loved my father, still I hate it more than my mother, and I thought that wasn't possible. It would be a lie if I said that there aren't days where I just want to go back to those days and not give a shit. My mind was so twisted. That's when I have to look back at that time too. I constantly did stupid things, I don't remember much of it, I look like some zombie, I couldn't keep a relationship, friendly nor romantic. It's better being sober, but so much harder." She's only been completely sober for eight months, but it's a start, and better than she's ever done.
She complains about being hungry. There's no hiding that she has gained weight, she looks healthy, but she's getting on the plus size side. We decide to go out and eat. It's not rare that she takes journalists with her. She goes to a nearby restaurant and orders a green salad, still claiming to be vegetarian and eating healthy. She doesn't even want dressing. By eating healthy, she's also eating.
"Where do you think you'll be three years from now?"
"Crying in front of a TV watching doctor Phil. No, I'm not sure, I could be anywhere. I don't have any plans, I might be making music, raising children, gone back to my old job. My future is so unpredictable. I don't even want to take a guess."
"You talk a lot about children; do you really want to have one?"
"I don't want a biological one, it's just so narcissistic. You have this little lump that's half of you. I also can't stand babies, they're so stupid. They just lay there, eat and sleep. They can't even hold up their own head. Don't get me wrong, I don't think badly of anyone who has children, and I wouldn't hate the child if I had one. Deidara really wants one, we have been trying for half a year or so now. It's just not happening, and it's getting late. It's just been on my mind lately." You can tell from her facial expression that it hurts that she can't have children on her own. If I didn't know better I would say that she's just hiding her feeling by saying that she really doesn't want biological children.
"So you think your musical career is over?"
She shakes her head. "I miss it, something has to happen soon or I'll go crazy."
"What you're trying to say, that it's a Frets album coming up soon?"
"No, we're not even close to working out our problems; nobody has time to do it. And I'll never do it just for the money, I'll have to feel it."
"I hope it happens soon, none of the solo albums have been as good as the real deal. What kind of problems made the band split up?"
"Thanks, and we haven't split up. I just think we got tired of each other. We all have so much to say, and we all want to scream the loudest. It didn't work out. We argued more than anything, about stupid pointless things, we had so many issues with each other, we never did anything with them so they just built up, we teamed up, said things behind each other's backs. It was just immature, and I know I caused most of the problems. So if you want to blame anyone for splitting up it's me. I hate that, they've always been so good friends, we have always been so good friends. Somewhere along the way I abused the friendship I had with them. It's not like we hate each other. Don't get me wrong, we're friends still, we just aren't that close anymore. I don't feel like they trust me."
I want to go in depth on why they started arguing, about what and why they didn't trust her. She refuses, claiming they're going to be mad enough at her for just doing this.
"If you made a solo album, would you go with the same garage-band style from the Frets?"
"What is garage-rock? I've never even played in a garage; I've played in a basement. I think it would have been a pretty chill, feel-good basement rock album. If anything"
"So you're not denying that you'll be making a solo album?"
"No, I take everything day by day. I have no idea what I may come up with in two weeks, you know? I'm keeping myself busy, if I need to release a solo album I'll do that. If I find something better to do, I'll do that. Only time will tell, but I really want do something with music soon."
"Everybody is just waiting for you to drop your solo album. Everybody else has, why not you?"
"I just haven't felt like it, been doing other stuff as I said. I feel that I shouldn't do anything without them, they're the sole reason you have any interest in talking to me. I feel that music is something sacred, and just something I'll do with the band. I think when I do a solo album, the Frets might be over. I can't say that for sure, but as I said. I have other things to do."
"What have you been doing?"
She gives a clever smile. "You'll see pretty soon. I just hope it isn't too much at one time."
She leaves me dying to know just what she's been doing. We joke around I just then noticed how much she has grown, how responsible and mature she is. She also seems stressed and overworked to the max. Hope she's not working herself to death.
