Hermione's eyes flickered open then closed again. She was waking and Severus was watching her. A thousand explanations running through his mind at the ready for when she awoke, none of them seemed a valid enough reason however for the current situation. She was, in fact, in his bed. He had, in fact, gotten her drunk last night and carried her here himself. And he had watched her sleep for most of the morning, but there was no proof of that so he needn't tell her.

Would she be angry? Perhaps, she had every right to. Technically she was courting Lupin, although that was questionable. Would he perhaps come looking for her soon? It had been a good three hours since dawn; surely he cared about her enough to wonder where she was.

She stirred again and now she was facing him. He frowned. He was still sitting in the chair that accompanied his writing desk although now it was close to and facing the bed, he hadn't realised that he had been inching forward every time she moved, it hadn't even resisted with him how intently he was watching her. His elbows were resting on his knees and he was leaning forward. He had his fingers steepled in front of his face and he peered at Hermione through them.

Hermione, when had he started referring to her as that? His frown deepened. It didn't matter, nothing did anymore. There were only a few things that made sense in his already troubled mind. One was that when this young woman awoke there was going to be a lot of explaining and another was that he simply couldn't explain himself. What would he tell her? That he had feelings for her? That last night, some part of him selfishly just wanted to watch her sleep, to have her near him once again? No, that simply wouldn't do. He wasn't even sure he had feelings for her.

It was a ridiculous notion. She was his former student. No matter what had gone on between them in the past. It would be improper for him to peruse anything now even if he wanted to. And she was younger now than she was when he had known her. Well, he reasoned, technically that wasn't true, but he was older, which made her seem younger.

He ran a hand through his hair. He couldn't think, his mind wasn't working. What was it about her that made all rational thought go out the window? What was it about her that made him want to curse himself for simply looking at her, and kill that fool Lupin, not only for touching her, but for using her as he was?

He sighed, whatever it was, it had enticed him before and as much as he resisted, he was soon becoming lured in again.

Was he ready to admit it to himself then? He supposed that it was clear enough. He couldn't deny what was literally lying in front of him. He still cared for her. Minerva was right; it was why he was captured so easily, part of him was looking for it. He wanted to see her when she returned and he knew when it was coming.

And what had he done when he had seen her again, seen her look at him with nothing but love and adoration in her eyes. He had shunned her; he had been cruel, cold, callus. But that was who he was now, and it was partly her fault. She had hurt him like no other.

There had been nights at the Dark Lords feet when he welcomed the pain of punishment. That hot searing fire pulsing through him, driving away all thoughts of her.

He was a damaged man; his heart had at times felt like it was tearing itself out of his chest. It had been bruised and she had been the one that threw the punches. Every time he saw her, every year she returned on the Hogwarts express another blow to his raw heart. But he had bared through it, he had even coped with the frustration of seeing her laugh and smile with Potter. But now it was different. Now she could see him for who he was.

And she still –he sighed heavily, dare he even think it- loved him. She knew what he was and what he had done and yet she still looked at him; bearing her soul and everything she was for a chance that he might love her too. And he had dismissed her, and worse, driven her into the arms of another man. And yet she was still here now, in his bed.

He didn't deserve this, to be so lucky as to witness her sleep. He was never worthy of her time. Less so than even Lupin. But he was a selfish man and if this was all he was ever going to get, if when she awoke she never wanted to see him again, he would have to treasure it. He took a breath and dropped his hands from his face. Slowly he reached out and touched her cheek with a finger, so lightly that he knew she wouldn't even feel it. He wanted to take in as much as possible. He had to; the devastating truth was that as much as he denied it, he loved this woman before him. And he was scared of losing her.

He couldn't offer her anything, he didn't have a fortune, he wasn't even sure he had a house anymore. He didn't have looks and he knew that his personality wasn't anything to be desired. There was nothing worthwhile in him and she would realise that. Soon whatever feeling she did have for him would fade, they must have already somewhat for her to have entered into a relationship with Lupin. And he could never tell her how he felt, what would he say? He did not have a way with words; he didn't even know the proper procedure for these sorts of things. No, even if he tried not to he knew that he would hurt her again. He had been so shielded for so long that it was now second nature to him. He couldn't let her in, not even if he wanted to.

All he had was this moment, and he knew it. For a moment he imagined what it would be like to hold her again, to have her cling to him the same way he held her last night as he carried her here. It was a silly thought, but for a moment he allowed himself the indulgence. Potter and Weasley wouldn't approve of course, in fact he wasn't sure of anyone who would. She wouldn't be able to live without the approval of her peers. He knew that. She craved acceptance and approval, which was why she had worked so hard her whole life; she was always trying to prove herself. This was just one reason why they would never work, one of many, many reasons.

So he had to be cruel, it would get easier, for them both if their feelings faded. It would never work; he knew that it was just wasted energy in hoping that it could. It was foolish and it hurt. Yes he loved her, and perhaps she might have even loved him once. But he would never have her, not the way he wanted to. Not completely, exclusively, wholly. So he had to push her away. In the end it would save them both.

He was looking at her openly now. He wasn't shielded, he was just himself, as plain and as ordinary as he ever could be. He almost looked sad, behind his curtain of hair. He sighed heavily again and reached a hand out to her. He wanted to touch her again. Feel her warm skin. But he didn't. He let his fingers hover over her shoulder for a moment before clenching his fist tightly and withdrawing. Outside a cloud covered the sun and the light faded slightly from the room. He knew it would not be a sunny day today.

IIIII

Hermione yawned and rolled over onto her front. With her face buried in his pillow she took in a deep breath. It was almost as if she were smelling it. She sighed happily and a slight smile danced on her lips. Her eyes flickered, she was dreaming.

She mumbled something in her sleep and her fingers twitched. She turned once again and now she was facing the window. It was not bright outside but what light there was created red patens on her eyelids. Again she yawned and sleepily rubbed one eye. She opened it slightly, and then, as if she didn't believe what she was seeing rubbed and opened both eyes.

She gasped.

There sitting in front of her, watching her, was Severus.

"w-what are you-" she mumbled shakily, and then looking around and gathering her bearings, "where am I?"

Severus was silent for a while before he spoke; he looked pained, which only served to make Hermione more nervous.

"You are in my room" he informed her and she blushed. "Last night you fell asleep at the table and I brought you here"

Hermione was looking at him wide eyed, she wasn't sure her eyebrows could be raised any further. "I'm in your room?" she asked again, sure she must be still dreaming.

"It would seem so"

She pinched her arm, she most definitely was not dreaming. "I don't—what am I doing here?"

"Miss Granger I understand it is morning and it may not be your brightest hour of the day, but please do pay attention as I do not wish to keep repeating myself"

She gulped.

"You are here because you fell asleelp last night after you finished off my bottle of Firewhisky"

"I finished it off?" she asked somewhat sceptically.

"Yes"

"And you brought me here?"

"Yes" he sighed.

"but I" she began but stopped at the look on his face, "I'm sorry, begging your pardon-" she continued "- I still don't understand why I am in your room and in-" she looked down "-oh my gosh, your bed". She was crimson now and could have sworn that she saw Severus smirk.

"Well I was not about to enter your room at such an ungodly hour of the night. I don't know what state Miss Weasley could have been in, it would have been improper"

"More improper than bringing me up to your bed?"

"I thought so, yes"

"I see". She looked down and thanked whatever gods for letting her be fully clothed.

"Now that you understand where you are I would like to ask you to leave"

Hermione started, "what? You're kicking me out?"

"It appears so"

She shook her head and mouthed silent words. "You can't do that. I mean what am I going to say to everyone? What am I going to say to Ginny? I can't just come out of your room looking like I have slept here"

"You should have thought about that last night before you got intoxicated"

"I was happily asleep on the kitchen table according to you. I didn't ask you to bring me up here" she argued.

Severus opened his mouth to retort then closed it again. She wasn't sure whether she had got the better of him or not.

"Fine" he said nodding his head indicating towards the bathroom door, "you can wash and clean yourself up in there. Then you must leave"

"Oh gee thanks" she mumbled sarcastically pulling herself out of his bed. He was still watching her and she was still blushing, there was one question on her mind however- "last night we... erm did we?"

"What do you think I am Miss Granger?" he asked outraged and standing, "I slept on this chair, now get in there before I curse you out my door this instant".

She jumped at his tone, but didn't hurry to the bathroom. She knew he wouldn't curse her. She slammed the door behind her to let him know just how she felt being spoken to like that. She heard him groan.

Inside his bathroom the realisation of the situation hit her. She was in Severus Snape's room. She had slept in his bed. He had- my god- had he carried her. The thought both mortified and amused her. She didn't remember much about last night, but something told her she may have made a fool of herself.

She splashed her face with freezing water and then dabbed it dry with his towel. She didn't have a toothbrush or her wand on her so she improvised using her finger then gargling mouthwash. Well, she felt somewhat fresher.

What would she say to him now though? That is if she got chance to speak with him at all. He just wanted her out. Which was awfully rude she thought, after bringing her here himself last night. Just why did he do that though? She couldn't see any reason why he shouldn't have left her in the kitchen. She would have left him there, she was sure. But then again she couldn't carry him and whilst drunk she didn't think the thought of taking Severus into her rooms would have occurred.

How very strange indeed.

She was about to open the door to his rooms when she heard someone knock in his bedroom door. She froze, and then pressed her ear against the door to try and hear who it could be.

"Is she here?" a dull voice said. It was definitely a male, perhaps Harry or Ron.

"Is who here?" she heard Severus say. So he was going to deny this, good then, she thought. She had had enough of people presuming things about what she got up to.

"Don't lie to me Severus" the voice said. And with a sickening jolt to her stomach she realised it was Remus. She wondered briefly why she didn't want to see him so much, and why, knowing he was looking for her made her feel sick?

"Oh by all means com in" Severus said sarcastically, then she heard banging around. She guessed Remus had pushed his way through the door.

"Do you really think I could hide anyone in my cupboard, especially Miss Granger?" he drawled.

"I wouldn't put it past you" Remus shot back

"The moonlight seems to be getting to you Lupin" Severus said with a carefree tone to his voice, "I think you have gone mad"

"I think she is here" Remus said in a tone Hermione didn't recognise, it was almost threatening. Curious as to what exactly was going on, she opened to door a tiny crack. She almost jumped when she saw just how close Remus was to her, until she realised he was facing the other way. He had his back to her and Severus was standing opposite. She caught his eye and could tell that he had seen her too. She bent down low so that now she was crouching at the foot of the bathroom door.

"And pray tell" Severus said bored, "how would you know"

Remus took a step closer to Severus and she almost thought he was going to hit him, until he took out his wand and aimed it at Severus throat.

Severus didn't even flinch; he just looked at Remus dully and shook his head as if he expected more. Hermione's heart was beating ten to the dozen. If there was a duel now, it would be all her fault.

"I can smell her" Remus said through his teeth to Severus, "one of the bonuses of having heightened senses this time of the month"

"Indeed" Severus remarked, "Prone to mood swing too I see"

"she is here, or was" Remus said backing away from Severus and once again scanning his eyes around the room, "her scent is all over you"

"We shared a drink last night in the kitchen" Snape confessed, "nothing more"

"What did you talk about?"

"I don't see how that is your business Lupin" Severus snarled

"My business?" He laughed, "of course it's my business, and if it hadn't escaped your attention Snape we are an item now. Whatever Hermione gets up to is my business."

"My, My aren't we possessive. I wonder what Nymphadora Tonks would make of that"

"That is not your business"

"No?" Severus growled, "And neither is it your place to be snooping around my rooms uninvited. I have tolerated it thus far, now get out"

Hermione watched holding her breath. Remus was scaring her; she had never seen him like this. She had the sudden feeling of being in over her head. He was ignoring Severus and continuing to look around. He approached the bathroom and she had just enough time to meet Severus' eye and shake her head at him desperately. She sank back in and shut the door leaning on it with all her weight. The handle twitched.

"I have had enough" she head Severus boom, "out now, get out!"

"Not without Hermione"

"Don't be a fool, she is not here"

"I know she is" Remus barked and inside the bathroom Hermione began to shake with fear.

"So what if she was? Obviously she is sick of you playing games with her and that god awful Tonks woman. If she doesn't want to speak to you then that is your problem not mine"

"Not yours? HA" Remus laughed, "you have her just where you want her don't you. I thought you were not interested Severus, isn't that what you said. That she was too immature-"

"I said she was young not immature" he growled

"Whatever. If that's how you want to play it then fine. But she doesn't love you anymore, she loves me"

Hermione, with trembling hands opened the door a crack again and peered out. Severus' eyes had narrowed and he was glaring at the man in front of him.

"You are a fool Remus if you think a woman like her could ever love a dog like you" Severus said in a voice so low Hermione wasn't sure she heard him right.

"You think she loves you?" Remus whispered back, mock laughing. "No one ever loved you. Not Lily, not her. You are a means to no end Severus, a mere stepping stone. You are the kind of man women try, not the kind they love. She felt sorry for you, she never loved you"

"You be careful what your next words are wolf" Severus said. They were nose to nose now and each of their faces staring murder at one another.

"You don't scare me. You're not even a man anymore. You're broken" Remus mocked "and what's funny is that she did it to you"

Hermione felt a pang of guilt rush through her and for a moment saw Severus lose control over his so carefully guarded features.

"And you think you love her do you?" Severus asked in a voice that suggested he didn't care, "you loved the idea of her Remus. She was the girl from the past who came from the future. She was new and exciting and she paid you attention when no one else would. You don't love her, you never have. All this time you have been seeking out that same excitement you felt back then when you saw her, when there was a chance she might have been yours. But she never was" he said, and then in a lower more dangerous voice than Hermione had ever heard, "and she never will be".

Remus once again whipped out his wand and aimed for Severus, but he was too slow. Hermione gasped as in one quick movement Severus had taken his arm, bent it up behind his back made him drop his wand and threw him out the door. He threw his wand out after him and slammed the thick wooden door in his face.

Only when she had regained her breath and felt safe enough to stand did Hermione emerge from the bathroom. She was chewing her lip and walking forward slowly. Severus was pacing the room back and forth and she didn't know whether or not he wanted to see her right now.

He looked at her and stopped for a second, opened his mouth as if to shout, and then carried on pacing.

Hermione came up to near the bed and kneeled on the floor beside it. She looked down at her hands, she was twisting them in her lap, "I'm sorry" she said quietly, "I didn't mean for any of this. It is all my fault-"

Severus stopped and stared at her. What was she doing on the floor? He frowned; she looked so small and so afraid. Was she scared of him? He took in a deep breath and clenched his jaw. He should kick her out now, whilst she was still upset. She wouldn't argue with him now, she would just go. Perhaps she would think she offended him and wouldn't speak to him again. It would be for the best.

"I'm so sorry" she said whispering.

He frowned harder, his mind-the rational part o f him- was telling him what to do with instructions as plain as day. But he couldn't. He took two steps over until she was at his feet. She didn't look up at him, just down at her hands. He sighed heavily.

"It is not your fault" he said bending down and kneeling with her on the floor, "Lupin and I-" he sighed, "are both fools, we shouldn't be putting you through this".

She looked up at him and he was surprised at how golden her eyes were. Had he forgotten?

"I just though" she shook her head and he could tell it was difficult for her to speak so openly with him, "I wanted to distract myself. And I knew Remus loved me. It was wrong I know, but I was in so much pain. I thought I could like him, I tried. It's only been one day and I'm so scared of what he's going to do now. How do I tell him? How do I say no when I promised I would try?"

Severus was frowning. He didn't know what to say. She was looking at him with her big teary eyes waiting for answers he didn't have. What could he say? She had got with Lupin to dull the pain he had caused her, and now- now she was scared of the mess she thought she had created. It wasn't her mess, it was his.

"I don't know what to tell you Hermione" he said gently, "I don't know what to say"

At the sound of her name she fell forward and cried into his chest. He awkwardly patted her on the back. Was that what he was supposed to do? He didn't know. What should he do in a situation like this?

He tried moving but she seemed rooted to the spot so, with a sigh he bent to pick her up again. She was surprisingly light. He wasn't sure she had been eating properly. He placed her once again on his bed and let go.

He knew this was all wrong. That last night he should have just left her. That he should have just thrown her out before. But he didn't, he couldn't. Instead he pulled the duvet up over her and went over to the door.

"W-where are you going?" she sniffed as she saw him.

"To get you some food" he told her, "the room is warded; no one will be able to get in". And he left her, alone and crying into his pillow.

IIIII

After an hour or so Hermione guessed he wasn't coming back. She didn't blame him, she was pathetic. How would he ever see her as more than a child if she couldn't even keep her emotions in check around him? She sighed and lifted herself off the bed. Now that he wasn't here she took the time to look around his room. She wondered if he trusted her, leaving her here with all his belongings. Well not all of them she supposed, he must have some in a house somewhere. And some left at Hogwarts, but still, his room was full of interesting stuff. The actual bedroom was smaller than hers and Ginny's. Mainly consisting of his bed and a few cupboards. He had a bathroom though, but she had already seen that.

Opposite the window in his room –that overlooked the garden- was a bookshelf. It wasn't extraordinarily large, in fact hers was bigger. And it was nothing compared to the library in the drawing room downstairs, but the books it's contained. Hermione was in awe, she had never read such titles. Books on dark magic and potions, animals and human sciences. She supposed he kept all his most precious ones here. No one would ever look here, his home and Hogwarts perhaps, but not here. She traced her finger over a few of the spines then selected a tomb.

"Through the ages; a guide to the arts" she read the title aloud. This book was rare, she knew that. Only about twenty were ever made worldwide. She carried it over to the windowsill, climbed up and let it fall open into her lap.

The first thing she took in was the smell, it smelled old and full of knowledge she had yet to learn. Finally happy that she could distract herself from other things she crossed her legs and began to read.

IIIII

"Don't you think you should tell someone?" Severus said as he stood in the kitchen.

"We either go now or we miss them, we only have one chance at this. You don't have to come, but we're going now" Harry said to him and the rest of the small group.

"What about Hermione?" Ron asked as he buttoned the toggles on his coat.

"She's asleep" Ginny said and gave Snape a glance that no one else noticed.

"Shouldn't we wake her though, she's going to be pretty upset when she realises that we went without her" Ron said looking at harry.

"We don't have time, besides, after all she's been through it'll do her good to have a rest. We'll be in and out, and back before she even realises"

"And Remus?" Ron asked no ready to go.

"We don't have time" Harry stressed once again, "we are going now".

"You invited Snape" Ron sulked following Harry to the door.

"Only because he walked in on us talking about it and he has his wand ready at hand. Now come on, we wait any longer and there won't be any Death Eaters left to get".

"Fine"

"I hope you know what you are getting yourself into Potter" Severus sneered as he followed the three of them out the door.

"Well you're always there use as a shield if we need it" Harry commented dryly.

"Indeed"

"Ok, ready?" Harry asked one last time as the exited the front door, "good, let's go".


A/N; Wonder what those lot are up to...?

Happy Mothers day to all the Mums out there, have a fab day!

Don't forget to leave a review, you ace bunch you:D