A/N: Even closer to 100 reviews, so close! This one ends kinda suddenly but I was running out of time so I'll finish this part next chapter.

Thanks for reading, please review!

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Never Let Me Go

LOVINO'S P.O.V

Was I scared? Hell yeah, I was scared.

Was my reaction of saying nothing while my brain went totally nuts normal? Hell yeah, it was.

Was I ever gonna not feel terrible for the look on 'Tonio's face when he realised that I wasn't the excited bouncing off the walls ball of energy he expected? Fuck no.

At least I had told him that he shouldn't think I was some ungrateful brat. It was just nerves... I was a brat most of the time but not today.

"Basically just stay steady through take off. We might wobble a little but stay calm, got it?" Blonde and tiny, the guy taking us up who I had forgotten the name of, let us in the basket as the three others pulled the floppy balloon off the ground.

Jesus, as if I didn't have enough shit in my pants, we were gonna be wobbling around... What the hell if this damn thing capsized!?

Blonde short stuff got in the basket with us and closed the little door, locking it. I wasn't big or strong enough to climb out. I was stuck in here.

Crap, if my heart started going any faster it was gonna start popping out my mouth. I blinked a few times; I wasn't allowed to cry, not in front of all these guys.

"Shit!" I hissed and braced myself against the side of the basket as suddenly the flame started to roar right behind me. The balloon was starting to slowly creep up, like it was a person who had just woken up from a really bad nap.

Lucky for me blondie hadn't noticed me almost throw myself out the basket in fright and was too busy talking about shit I couldn't get my head around to the other three guys.

One person who I could count on to notice was Antonio.

"Up we go..." His voice was soft so only I could hear it and he was slowly leading me away from the edge of the basket, probably because he knew if it made the slightest movement I'd puke, "Just stick by me for this part okay?" He gave one of those stupid light laughs that made me feel both like a little kid but also like the most important person ever.

I took a deep breath, "If this think sways in any way you're gonna take my arm and don't let go for anything.

I felt him nod and relaxed a little, I could trust 'Tonio, right?

I tried to relax, thankfully the thing took way longer to get off that ground than I thought it would. I thought we'd light the flame and be off the ground like 'woosh!' but thank fuck it wasn't fast.

I had even remembered how to breath normally by the time I realised we weren't on the ground anymore. Okay, I definitely wasn't on solid ground anymore. Shit, the only this straw basket was keeping me up and we were going higher.

I really shouldn't have kept thinking about how high we were getting and assessing if the fall from that height could kill me.

'Tonio left me then, he said something to the short guy and went right up to the edge. We were probably high enough for a pretty view by now...

"Wow..." His word travelled over to me and he looked back over to me. I was as far away from the side as I could get. The whole sky was behind him, a couple of mountains were just visible... I bet it looked amazing over there.

Why the fuck was I letting myself get so worked up about this?! What the hell was this gonna be if I just stood around and freaked out!?

Godammit why was I so weak all the time?!

This was my one chance and I was standing him making myself look like a wuss. I was getting frustrated when this was the one thing I put down that I actually seriously cared about! Fuck the rest I really wanted this!

... I really wanted to payback my Grandpa, karaoke was fun... But this one was the one.

But it was like I was stuck to where I was standing.

I had to do something that I was only just learning to do, and something I was only kinda just figuring out that sometimes it was okay to do.

I was gonna reach out for help.

Ugh, ew. This shit always made me feel pathetic.

He was still looking at me. I didn't really wanna reach out...

But I was still gonna do it.

My hand was out and he took it with a look of surprise. Jeeze why did he have to look at me like that? I didn't need to be made even more aware of how weird this was!

"I'm not just gonna stand here." I told him, taking minuscule steps closer to the edge. Thank god I was doing this with someone with more patience than Feliciano had pasta recipes.

He smiled, "It's not that bad, I promise! It's like riding a plane!"

This fucking moron- "I've never flown in a plane!"

He laughed even though I was no way making any kind of joke, "Well you don't feel like you'll fall, I swear."

I rolled my eyes, "But I still could."

"You won't."

I looked away from his face then... That bastard! He had been distracting me on purpose so he could pull me slightly closer to the edge! Without even noticing I was suddenly right fucking next to him!

I yanked my hand away from his, "Shit..." Where had all the air in my lungs gone now, "I can't do this."

'Tonio lowered his chin slightly, I had come too far, I was past the point of getting out of this.

"I will not let anything bad happen, Lovi. You're scared but that's all you're gonna be."

All I was was scared... I was only scared because of what might happen. If he said nothing was gonna happen then there was no reason to be acting this way.

I took in a big breath and stepped out, grabbing the edge of the basket and pulled myself forward, "AAAHHHGH!" I yelled out as I forced every fiber of me to turn against instinct.

"Godammit, fuck, fuck, fuck!" I was looking over the edge but it was all such a blur that I had no idea of what I was looking at.

"Lovi it's okay!" I heard 'Tonio call out. He was obviously not expecting such a loud reaction, but fuck it, I was basically doing what was every acrophobe's godamn nightmare! I deserved this!

He put a hand on my back and it made me feel sick, without even thinking about it I whirled around and shoved him back, losing my balance I ended up on my ass my whole body on such high alert that I could feel my blood in my veins.

"Don't do that!" I yelled up at him, my hands balled into fists.

"Lovi, what is it?" He held the hand he had touched my back with like it was dirty.

"Don't creep up and surprise me like that!" I rubbed my temple, "How would you feel if someone just came alone and started shoving your back like that!?"

"But..." He paused, still looking confused, "I wasn't pushing..."

"There could have been an accident, I don't fucking know! You didn't even warn me!"

He slowly lowered his hand, probably hadn't realised it was still next to him, "I didn't realise."

"Yeah well..." I grabbed the edge of the basket to pull myself up.

By the time I looked back behind me Antonio wasn't standing there anymore. Where the hell did he go? I spotted him... Oh. He was over talking to the blonde cherub.

I gripped the edge of the basket hard, why the hell wasn't he helping me!? That guy over there didn't need him like I did!

Lovino you piece of shit, he probably left because you shoved and yelled him.

Okay well maybe shoving him wasn't so bad, what the hell else was I supposed to do? But why did my default emotion have to be anger all the damn time? He didn't even mean to do it as a prank he was trying to be nice like he always was.

I sighed, whatever, I could do this on my own right?

I didn't let go of the basket for even a second as I carefully turned myself back around.

I bit down hard on my lower lip, if I yelled out now without Antonio beside me to cover my dumb noises and make me look less stupid, I'd probably feel worse.

I blinked a few times, looking out at the view, waiting for my subconscious to settle down and realise I wasn't about to suddenly drop 3,000 feet. All I had to do is stand here. Even if 'Tonio wasn't right beside me he was still not gonna let anything happen, right?

I started to feel myself relax. I was aware now of how tense I was... I unclenched my muscles slowly and realised that once I did that it was actually okay.

I looked down and saw the edge of the basket stretch down below me. I looked at the base edge and shuddered as I imagined clinging on to that at this height, legs kicking but finding nothing but more air.

I pushed that though out of my mid and looked up again... The view that I had hoped for was finally there.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in... Suddenly I wasn't scared anymore; it had all disappeared in seconds- I had realised that really I was safe. This must have been what 'Tonio was saying like being up here was like riding a plane. I had never been on a plane but I could imagine, sorta like I was safe even though I probably wasn't.

I opened my eyes again and slowly started to lift my hands. I stayed like that, my hands just hovering for a few moments until I figured I was safe, I wasn't gonna throw myself off like some kind of weird fucking tourettes thing, and raised them further, spreading them out.

"You're like The Titanic, Lovi!" Antonio's voice suddenly came from behind me. I felt dumb all of a sudden for standing like an idiot so I quickly whipped them back down and looked at him.

"What the hell are you back here for?"

He chuckled as he joined me at the edge of the basket, "Don't be silly, I was never gone anywhere! I just wanted to ask about where we might go while we're up here... It's pretty exciting doing this right? And look at you!" He stepped back like he only just noticed how I standing, "Lovi, you're fine up here!"

I shrugged, embarrassed, "I just had to get on with it."

"It's beautiful up here..." 'Tonio smiled and reached his arms out as far as they would go, "I can see everything!" He pointed over at a big hill which we were slowly moving away from, "That's where I took you, remember?"

I stepped back, leaning forwards. How could I forget? He carried me down after I slipped and made me feel like I was the only person who mattered, "I remember."

He moved his finger down the side of the hill to a textured orange pool at the bottoms that must have been the suburbs we went through, "My old house must just have been there."

He lowered his hand and we stood in silence, just the roar of the flame and the wind was making a noise. The whole situation was so damn epic it felt strange in the silence. It was like there should have been some kind of music like they have in movies.

The basket rocked slightly, I reached out and grabbed a rope at the corner of the basket, my other hand gripping Antonio's arm suddenly. It was so tight he winced.

Suddenly feeling awkward I yanked my arm away from him,

"Hey it's okay!" He reached out and took my hand, giving it a light squeeze, "I can be here for you!"

I looked away, my face red... His hands were big and warm. They were so damn manly compared to my stupid dainty little lady ones. Probably because he was always using them, doing work in the garden on the hot days we had been having in the past weeks... Shirt off, skin sticky with sweat as he did soothing that built up that frame he had... I bet he moved his lawn with one of those shitty lawn mowers, probably didn't trust motor ones with his precious grass.

I was such a pervert it was gross. If Antonio was a mind reader I was thoroughly fucked.

It didn't help that this was the first time in, like, forever that he had put his hands on me for a period longer than three seconds while actually sober.

I don't know what the hell I did, but he just didn't touch me like he used to when we met. He didn't even say shit or hint that something was wrong. He used to always have a hand on me, what the fuck happened?

It wasn't fun to admit, but I freaking missed that shit.

I blamed myself at first, I probably smelled bad, or had really clammy hands. But even after I started being careful to make sure I was fresh whenever I saw him and stuff it didn't change. With both his hands now playing with mine I still couldn't figure it out. Once we left the balloon he would let go and that would be that.

And I couldn't ask. I didn't want him to think I was needy horny creep.

I just had to make the most of what I got.

Blonde and tiny called over to us then, "Hey guys!" He was at the altitude controls, "Wanna go lower over the lake? I promise it's a lot of fun!"

I waited a second for Antonio to reply but he never did. Then I realised he was looked at me, "Your trip, your call, Lovi." He told me.

My trip, my call huh? How the hell did I end up with someone as nice as this guy?

I nodded. Going down wouldn't be so freaky, right? Besides, I had no idea there was even a lake here. We could see it, a great big area of water that from this angle looked like a big mirror that we were slowly moving over to.

"That sounds like a great idea, Tino!" Antonio added in his response. So that was his name, Tino… I guess it wasn't exactly a common name. But then again neither was Lovino. Just the luck of us foreigners.

Of course 'Tonio would remember, he was way too considerate to do something like forget a name. It was weird, most of the time this guy was a freaking idiot but sometimes I wondered if there was more to that airhead than what he usually made out.

He probably decided to dedicate his brain power to other people and helping them be happy around him. It seemed exactly like what a doofus like him would do.

"You'll be okay going down?" He asked me, placing a hand on my shoulder. I wanted to stay up here forever if it meant he was handling me like he used to.

Goddammit that sounded so fucking gay.

It was just a comfort thing! He was just a comforting guy…

And I mean I guess I did get butterflies whenever he did things like this, which made me feel like I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time, and yeah, I guess I was in love with him…

Shit this was just getting really weird.

But yeah. I was in love with him. Fuck it, I was through denying that- it just tired me out.

I shrugged, "It'll be better because the further we go down the less chance we have of dying if we fall." I gave my logic straight to him.

He looked so freaking amused. Shut the fuck up 'Tonio, you had no idea, this whole thing had been a breeze to you!

"I guess you could look at it like that…" Suddenly the flame cut off. My whole body froze. It came back seconds later.

I spun around to look at Tino who was stood controlling the gas, "What the fuck was that!?"

So maybe I hadn't meant to sound so aggressive but jeeze, he could have warned us if he was gonna send us plummeting for a few seconds!

Tino looked up at me, obviously he hadn't had a reaction like mine before, "Huh? … Sorry! Did I scare you?"

Fuck, Tino was nice too. Now I was just shaken up and embarrassed.

"I'm fine." I bit out.

He smiled and cut the gas out for a few seconds again, "This is just how we lower ourselves… We have to do it gradually, but even if it sounds dangerous, this is the safest way down." He grinned, "You wanna have a go?"

I blinked a few times, "You want me to pilot this fucking thing?

Tino stepped away from the controls, "Sure! It might give you peace of mind!"

Antonio grabbed both my shoulders then and shook me excitedly, "Lovi! That's amazing! You have to do this!"

I clicked my tongue, shrugging him off, "Whatever, whatever!" I hesitated, biting my lip before giving a big exhale, "Fine."

'Tonio gasped behind me like I had just won some sort of award, ushering me forward over to Tino who was taking a step back from the controls.

I hadn't actually looked at what Tono was doing this whole time, so when all I saw was a handle and not some big fancy control panel with flashing lights and buttons I was surprised.

"It's super simple," Tino told me. But the looks of this primitive shit, that was an understatement, "You just need to turn the handle up and down. The only thing you need to figure out is timing, but I'm here for that. Okay?"

I nodded, grasping the handle. It was covered with rubber to make holding it not feel gross and it was warm.

"Push it down." I did what I was told; not really focusing on a snarky response for the first time in my life.

Eventually the balloon was sinking slowly. Antonio felt the need to applaud me every time I turned the handle but it kept my mind off the fact I was controlling this exaggerated parade float until we had sunk way down and what had been a faraway silvery glimmer was a rich blue lake, stretching out around us.