Chapter 29: Family Systems and Postpartum Concerns
Summary: Greendale to the rescue
A/N: FYI, I wrote this while being very ill, so if it's a disaster, I apologize in advance. I'm still ill so I have no discernment abilities.
It had been a maddening few days, but Jeff was hopeful that a solution would be found. He had, perhaps against his better judgment, tried to handle things on his own. Afterall, Annie seemed to be in a mini-shame spiral, and the last thing he wanted to do was make it worse. Nancy was even out of town, so he told himself a story that it would be too much bother to clue anyone else in and that the situation would resolve itself quickly once he took action. He channeled his tendency toward control - he could admit that now - and explained to Mark that he needed to work from home the remainder of the week.
He avoided his mother, not wanting her to freak out and have her quit her new job. The last thing he needed was to worry about her and her financial stability. If he confided in her, as much as he wanted to, she'd instantly come over to handle it.
He also dodged the Dean, by now knowing the jingling sounds of his keys, and was able to maneuver Sebastian into a carseat so that he could drive Sophie to school. He managed to wrap the baby up and take him with him on some quick Ruffle walks, still cognizant of the fact that it was winter.
Annie needed a break, and although he at first thought she'd zap back into Annie-productivity mode and go read a textbook or something, she went to sleep. He supposed she hadn't slept through the night since Sebastian was born and for a few weeks leading up to it due to being uncomfortable.
When the baby began crying, she would rouse and motion for him, and Jeff would steadily hand him over, but he was worried. He knew she couldn't go on like this.
At two am, he sighed, "Annie, you need to get more sleep."
"I'm trying, but he needs me."
Noticing her soft smile yet dazed stare as his eyes adjusted to the dark, he decided to broach a subject he wasn't at all sure was going to go well.
With a gulp, he said, "I think we should put him on formula."
She shot him an indignant glare, which he had anticipated. Shaking her head adamantly, she sputtered, "No! He's too small. It's better if I do this."
"I've been reading, and I think he'll be fine. Plus, we have to do what's best for you, and I think that means getting a solid eight hours and then some."
To his surprise, she seemed to consider it for a moment, as she didn't readily shoot back a retort. Glancing down at the baby, she cooed, "You're a handful, aren't you? But this will get easier, I know it will, just like with your big sister. You need to get a little bigger before we change anything."
"Annie."
She looked up at him and smiled slightly. "I don't mind it, really. It's nice to feel close to him."
"But you're tired."
She nodded, and he scooted closer to her in the bed and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, leaning in so he could see Sebastian's face. The baby was staring up at them in the dark and seemed content, and for a moment Jeff kind of got what she was talking about.
He ventured, "Maybe I'd like to bond with him a bit too. If we switched to formula I could feed him."
"I didn't think of it that way."
Now encouraged, he tapped her arm playfully and said, "It's only fair, and side effect is I get to also do my own share. This is falling way too much on you."
They were silent for a few minutes, Annie humming here and there as she continued to feed the baby, and he wondered. She had been pretty invested in breast feeding as she had with Sophie, but he had a strong suspicion that she hadn't felt the same way about things back then. He was antsy for her doctor's appointment in the afternoon.
"I'll talk to Dr. Samuelson about it."
"Great."
She turned to look at him and smiled a little more. "And maybe if I get more sleep, then I can take care of him all day when you go back to work again."
"I thought you were bored?"
"I'll be so much better when I sleep, Jeff."
X
X
"I am not depressed."
Jeff leaned back in his chair and sighed, his hand running through his hair as he tried to take in the last five minutes of their conversation with the doctor. Annie's eyes had practically pushed out of her skull as the pronouncement had been made, and Jeff had felt oddly more at ease, having a suspicion validated. Sure, postpartum depression sounded bad, but at least they had identified it early, and he supposed there were things that could be done to treat it. Having waged his own battle with mental illness, he knew things were not hopeless.
He internally chastised himself at not having thought of all this earlier. He had ignored Britta's nosiness after they brought Sebastian home, and if he had been receptive, any concerns were squashed once Britta seemed satisfied that Annie was fine. She probably had been until the weeks and sleep deprivation wore on and of course until she was left completely alone with the baby. Then again, she could have been covering it all up. That thought made him a bit nauseous but it felt kinda true.
He should have expected this. Annie had been depressed before, and the Adderall and the other stuff being stimulants had merely been a way to cope. And of course there had been that awful night when Adam had ended their relationship and she had taken extreme action.
On that horrible thought, he jerked himself back to the present moment.
"That is my diagnosis. You meet the criteria, and please don't be offended. It's actually very common, and we've caught it early."
Shaking her head, Annie exclaimed, "But I didn't have postpartum depression after my first baby."
Dr. Samuelson nodded in sympathy and reached for her prescription pad. Jeff noticed Annie tensed as the doctor began to write.
She explained, "It doesn't always happen the first time. But what you and your husband have described to me are classic early signs. I'm writing you a prescription for an SSRI, which I want you to start taking immediately. It'll take a few weeks to build up in your system, but then you should start feeling a lot better. In the meantime, I want you to consider getting childcare help, return to regular exercise, and look into a new mother support group."
Annie began to tremble as she accepted the prescription.
He scooted his chair over and pet her leg with his free hand while holding a half-comatose Sebastian in the other as he asked, "So what do you think about the plan for formula? She probably shouldn't be taking medication and breastfeeding too, right?"
"It's really unknown about effects. It's best to weigh the pros and cons. But in my opinion, I'd recommend switching to formula as soon as possible. The baby will be fine."
Jeff nodded and felt a rush of relief wash over him. He turned to see Annie eyeing him with an indignation that took him off guard.
"I'm not taking any medication. Not after what happened with the pills." She turned back to the doctor and hissed, "Remember, I have a history of addiction. Even if I am depressed, I don't want to take anything. I'll do everything else you recommend, but not that."
Dr. Samuelson sighed and then said, "What I'm prescribing isn't addictive. It's more of something to even out your baseline. It's nothing like…" she squinted at the computer and read from Annie's record, "methylphenidate or cocaine." Her eyes widened slightly on that last one, which didn't seem to assuage Annie's concerns.
"I'm not taking anything."
"Then I'd recommend therapy."
"Fine."
"I'd also recommend weaning the baby, just so you don't have as much pressure on yourself and as your husband mentioned, can get some sleep. And although I'm not the pediatrician, by the looks of things, your baby seems to be gaining weight nicely. He'll adjust."
Annie glanced down and began picking at her thumbnail, with both Jeff and the doctor bracing for her input. Finally, she looked up and made steely eye contact with each of them before she said, "I'm not weaning him. He's my baby."
"Then I'd recommend stepping down from feeding him as often and take your husband up on the offer to do nighttime feedings. You can mix in some formula and pump and that way he'll get used to it."
"I hate pumping."
"Those are my recommendations."
X
X
Jeff watched Annie as she sat on the couch and stared at the formula box they had picked up on the way home. She wiped a tear from her eye and Jeff placed Sebastian in his cage pen before sitting down next to her and pulling her in for a side hug.
Her head was heavy against his shoulder, and it was oddly comforting. He knew everything would be okay if she just relinquished some control, and he was beginning to see the signs that she would.
"I feel like a failure."
"You're not. You're being smart."
"I think I will pump. Ugh."
"Sure, and if you can't stand it, we can switch him completely over to the formula."
She curled up more and let the box fall from her grasp, and he took and it placed it on his other side. He pet her hair and gave her a kiss on the head.
"I'll call the therapist tomorrow."
"Great."
"What are we going to do about daytimes? You can't stay home forever, Jeff. I know Wally called you earlier."
Jeff groaned and said, "Let me worry about that."
X
X
X
Shirley had a hunch something was up. Annie had been dodging her calls and she knew from experience that a new mother wanted someone to talk to. That delightful and appropriate Penelope had told Troy that Jeff wasn't coming into the office the rest of the week due to personal matters, and Troy hadn't been able to get through to Annie either.
Speaking to the Dean and hearing about Jeff's odd elusive behavior - way beyond his usual avoidance of the Dean as Annie usually overruled and was social - solidified her suspicions.
Pouncing from the shrubbery near the apartment building entrance, she exclaimed, "Now, Jeffrey! Hello!"
Jeff half-shrieked and nearly dropped the baby in his carrier, but she paid that no mind as she grabbed it from his clutches and smiled sweetly at a bright-eyed Sebastian.
"Crap, Shirley. What the hell?"
"I am ever so sorry. I just wanted to stop by to see An-nie and the ba-by."
She continued to smile at Sebastian, who was regarding her with such sweetness. He was just as adorable as Sophie, surprising her that white people could make such cute babies. But then again, this was Annie and now Jeffrey involved, so the kid had won the genetic lottery. She exaggerated a surprised expression at him, and he cooed in response.
"Now's not a great time."
That infuriating man affected a bored countenance and hoisted the grocery bag in his other arm.
Turning her head swiftly to him she snapped, "Now's not the time to mess with me, Jeffrey. What's wrong?"
He stared at her for a moment, his eyes suddenly betraying his panic, and then crumbled. She would have congratulated herself had she not been so worried.
"Yeah, so Annie's got postpartum depression. She's fine, but we're handling it."
She nodded, taking in the information and not being caught off guard by it. It all made sense, and she felt a pang of guilt that she hadn't interrogated him earlier. She wondered how long this had been going on, but she decided her questions could wait. She needed to act.
"Well, you're lucky then that I brought over some meals. They're in my car. Maybe I could make dinner tonight and talk to her? You could spend some time with the kids."
He smiled softly, his eyes crinkling at the corners just so. He placed the grocery bag on the ground and rushed over to her, pulling her into a hug, his arms wrapping around the carrier to include Sebastian.
"I love you, Big Cheddar."
"We all need help sometimes."
"Daddy, let me out of the car!"
X
X
Jeff placed Sebastian in his bassinet and watched him drift completely to sleep, and he marveled at his son. So far, he hadn't seemed to be bothered by the addition of some formula to the milk, and had been readily letting Jeff feed him over the past two nights. It had been a huge relief, and Annie had slept hard.
He loved her so much and wanted her to be okay. Seeing her slumber had been amazing, even if he was now sleeping on the day bed in Sophie's room with the baby so that Annie wouldn't be disturbed by his cries. Sophie had been almost comically eager to switch places with him, now sleeping with Annie. Afterall, she didn't want her baby brother to wake her up either.
Crap, he needed to figure out the daytime situation.
"May I come in?"
He glanced up and nodded at Shirley, who was giving her best expression of reassurance. She shuffled over and sat beside him on the daybed, her hand taking his and giving it a squeeze.
"How is she?"
"She seems to be feeling a little better. She tells me the sleep has helped a great deal. But I'm concerned. She shouldn't be here with the baby all alone."
"I've been staying home this week."
"Don't you need to go to the office?"
"I've been thinking of taking Sebastian with me and rigging something up there for him. Is that crazy?"
She chuckled and shook her head. "I admire you, I do. And that might work, but I'm still worried about Annie here by herself. She needs to be around people."
"I know."
"She needs to be around her family."
"That's the last thing she needs. There's no way I'm inflicing her mother's neuroses on her right now or Anthony's perpetual angst."
"I meant her family."
They exchanged looks, and he got it.
"But I don't know how that would work."
Now patting his hand, she said, "Leave that to me and Annie. I'm going to run some ideas past her, and I'll talk to the Dean."
"Shirley, you are a lifesaver."
X
X
X
"So what, are we back to season one?"
Abed surveyed the study room table with a steeliness that almost annoyed Jeff if he hadn't been so relieved.
Sitting in her old chair and holding Sebastian, Annie chirped, "It does feel a little like first year, doesn't it? Only this is Sebastian, not Sophie."
"I'm here, Mommy."
"Oh, I know, sweetie. Abed just meant that I used to hold you like this, right in this spot, when you were a very little baby."
Sophie shifted on Jeff's lap, as the room had become somewhat crowded with chairs, and Jeff tapped his gavel.
"The second meeting of the second semester of the Beautify Greendale Committee is in session."
"Daddy, I think Mommy should do it."
"Right, yes, I think so too."
The rest of the group all instantly murmured enthusiastic agreement, and Jeff smirked as she rolled the gavel over to Annie. She took it and gave a tap, her smile now reaching her eyes.
The little squeak from her lips made his heart melt.
"It's so good to be back!"
Britta leaned forward, and Jeff almost thought she was going to say something that was a little too much before she merely said, "We're so happy to have you back, Annie. Your husband doesn't know how to lead a meeting, even if he does look good in blue shirts."
"Thank you, Britta. I wore this one for you."
Rolling her eyes, Britta continued, "Shirley tells me you're going to take a class?"
Annie nodded and said with a rush of excitement, "Yes, isn't it amazing? I thought I'd have to wait to take my forensics seminar until internship, but I'm going to do a pre-internship with Professor Hickey on crime scene analysis, and then I'll attend the seminar now. I figured it can't hurt to have even more seminar time, given Professor Shootell is an expert in DNA sequencing and is only here until summer before she heads back to England."
"What's it with all these English professors? There was Cornwallis and him…"
"Bite me, Abed. That's a British expression."
Annie giggled, and Jeff smiled over at her, his heart now full. Just like old times.
Buzz leaned forward and clasped his hands on the table as he announced, "Annie will be a great asset to some old cases I'm working on. It's important to understand the psychology of a perp."
Ian chimed in, "That's true. Why, Annie, if you have the time, I'd be ever so grateful if you could assist me with an experiment? You were so helpful first year."
Troy squeaked at the memory and Abed reached over and patted his arm.
Annie replied, "I'd love to! If you don't mind me bringing Sebastian? I'm going to wear him in a wrap."
"Not at all, Annie."
"I just hope we have enough cases." Annie shot Buzz a concerned look, and he half-rolled his eyes and grunted what was likely a reassurance.
X
X
"Sooo, how was your day?"
Jeff sat with Annie on the couch, and he could feel her vibrate a little. He hoped that was a good thing. He had reluctantly left the college after the meeting, needing to take Sophie to school and head to work. Before doing so, he had checked in with Annie privately and also had a chat with his mom and the Dean. He had felt better that everyone was keeping an eye on her. His mother seemed overall more concerned about Annie than getting stuck on the fact that he hadn't clued her in earlier, but he had detected a judgmental flash in her eyes so he knew they'd revisit it later.
With softness in her voice that wasn't present when she was in Annie-go mode, she replied, "It as really good. I loved being back at Greendale."
She did seem to be more at ease, although she looked a little tired. He caressed her arm and asked, "How did it go when you came back here?"
"I stayed a little longer at school than I originally planned. Sebastian and I hung out with your mom for a while because she was having some trouble figuring out my system. I really had to help her."
Jeff internally high fived his mom.
She continued, "Then we came back here an hour ago, and he got sleepy in the car and went right down when we got in. I'm hoping to get him on a more consistent napping schedule, but with my new routine I'm not sure how that's going to work."
She looked up at him with her brows crinkled in worry, and he pulled her to him and kissed her forehead.
"He'll be fine."
"The Dean says I can put him in the daycare center when I'm in class. Since it's only ninety minutes he says he'll waive the fee."
Jeff now felt even worse for having avoided the Dean. Really the guy was amazing in so many ways, even if he was perpetually annoying. But Jeff was starting to realize perhaps that was his own problem and that he should be more open. While he still cringed a little at the Dean's offer that he teach a class - an offer which had been extended multiple times since he graduated - he no longer felt a complete revulsion to it.
Greendale was their family, and their family was at Greendale.
"He woke up, Annie."
Jeff startled at Troy's voice and turned to see Troy and Abed standing in the hallway, a squirmy Sebastian in Troy's arms.
"Troy, Abed. I had no idea you guys were here."
"Oh, hey Jeff. Annie, I think he wants you."
Troy came over with the baby, and Abed followed, giving Jeff a wink as he sat down in a chair. Jeff marveled how he had been so stupid in overlooking the help of their friends.
"While it sucks that Pavel and I got into that huge fight this afternoon and Shirley had to send me home early, I don't mind spending time with you guys." Abed's expression was as indiscernible as ever, but Jeff felt himself almost on the verge of tears.
Gratitude tears.
"Yeah, that was pretty intense, Abed. You got all crazy weird. That's why Shirley had me keep an eye on you and then I thought since Annie happened to be leaving at the same time, why don't we all just hang out?"
Troy smiled broadly and Jeff had no idea if Troy was really clued into Shirley's plan or if he was merely going with things in his Troy-way. He nodded his appreciation as Annie accepted Sebastian and Troy plopped down on the floor.
"Troy! Abed!"
Sophie came running from her bedroom, her face ecstatic at the realization that her grown-up friends were over, and Ruffles was in hot pursuit. She flung herself into Troy's open arms, and a rush of giggles on both sides ensued.
Annie chuckled, and then she turned her attentions to Sebastian, who almost immediately upon being put in her arms, quieted and seemed to settle.
She said in a sing-songy tone, "Now what do we have here? Were you all squirmy with Uncle Troy and Uncle Abed?"
Sebastian looked up at her and swatted, Annie deftly grabbing his hand and squeezing it just a little before she began to caress his fingers. Jeff leaned in and they both smiled at him.
"Hey squirt."
And then it happened. Jeff almost couldn't believe it, but Sebastian brightened and then smiled.
He smiled.
Jeff quickly felt his tummy for gas but didn't detect any.
Annie gasped, "Oh sweetie! You did it! Yay!"
"Oh my god."
They exchanged giddy looks and then turned their focus back to the baby, who was now cooing with copious amounts of drool flowing down his chin.
It was an incredible moment for sure, and one that they both felt tremendously reassuring. Afterall, it had been a lot of work thus far in keeping Sebastian safe and comfortable, and it was more than a little refreshing to have some social reciprocation.
Everyone gathered around and made bright smiles, and the interaction continued along with a lot of feet kicking and some squealing.
Jeff and Annie held hands, and it was starting to feel like things would be okay.
X
They invited Troy and Abed to stay for dinner of course, and then the next night Britta and Ian invited them to a nearby eatery while Nancy, who was back from her trip, came by with her daughter to watch Sophie and Sebastian for a couple hours. The next night, Shirley and Andre invited them all over for a home cooked meal. The fourth night was a little 20s theme intimate dinner party at the Dean's with Dorie and Buzz attending, no one else seeming to have gotten the information that there was a theme but damn the Dean looked smashing in his flapper gear. The fifth night was Friday, and by then Annie had made it through a twice weekly seminar as well as thrice weekly meetings with Buzz for her independent study.
Jeff mentally high fived Buzz for that arrangement.
Annie scheduled an appointment with a therapist and was starting next week. Jeff made a note to reach out to his own therapist for a tune-up, as he hadn't been attending for the last few weeks.
He had arranged a date with his mom to chat, knowing that conversation was long overdue.
As he sat back on the couch and marveled at how much had changed for the better in the past week, he closed his eyes and let out a contented sigh. It was then that he felt Annie softly sit next to him and press her head against his chest. He reached out to feel her shoulder and began caressing it.
She hummed against him for several minutes, both of them not needing to talk. It had been a tough time, but they were getting through it.
Finally, Annie mumbled, "I had a really good meeting with Buzz today."
"Did you? That's great."
He opened his eyes and sat up to give her his complete attention.
Preening a little, which was nice to see, she said, "I have to admit I had been a little worried that you guys were all pitying me or something and that you had set up some plan to keep me occupied, but it turns out that it was actually pretty crucial that I get back to Greendale as soon as possible."
"Yeah?"
Tilting her head forward, she replied, "Yes, Jeff. You have no idea what Buzz and I are on to. It might be the biggest case of his career."
Jeff had to give it to Buzz for the dramatics. He hoped whatever it was that he had concocted would be stimulating enough for Annie to work on, but it had never occurred to him that there would be anything actually solvable, given that Buzz seemed to be a decent detective and if he hadn't shut a case by now then it probably couldn't be done. Yet again, this was Annie. She was amazing.
He said aloud, "If there's anyone who can solve a cold case, it's you."
"You think? This one is pretty awful. The perp has been so cagey and seems to go quiet for periods of time, but apparently they're back at it this week."
"Back at what?"
"It's the Ass Crack Bandit, Jeff. And I'm going to catch him."
