As always, JK Rowling owns everything except Miranda and Persephone.
Miranda was sitting on the loveseat in her and Severus' quarters after dinner that evening.
"I thought you said you were going to keep the pregnancy a secret," Severus told her, sitting next to her and taking the book she had been reading from her hands.
"Well, I decided against it. I did some research and when a Queen of the Underworld is pregnant, her powers will be increased until the child is born, as to protect both the mother and the baby. So, I sent a note to Voldemort already, telling him the good news. Plus, this way, I can torment any misbehaving students with the knowledge that there's going to be a brand new Snape in the world."
"I suppose I better buy some of those muggle contraptions – what are they – oh yes, earplugs," Severus said, picking up a potions journal and flipping to a bookmarked page.
"Why?" asked Miranda.
"When the students write home complaining about how the mean DADA teacher and his wife are giving them nightmares and traumatizing them for life, there will certainly be howlers."
"Well, then, I will simply need to give them detentions, wait until detention to share with them the good news and threaten to Obliviate anyone that runs to tell mummy and daddy."
Severus didn't say anything and just stared at her.
"What?" she asked when he still didn't answer.
"I'm beginning to see the family resemblance."
"And?"
"It's terrifying."
"Precisely why there will be no Howlers," she said, smiling triumphantly. "Now, I need ice cream." She got up and walked to the kitchenette.
"You just ate dinner," Severus called after her.
"Yes, and now I'm hungry again and want ice cream."
"Merlin help us," he moaned. "A pregnant Miranda is like Ron Weasley."
"Hey," she said, brandishing a shiny silver spoon at him. "I happen to know you're not attracted to Ron Weasley. And besides I close my mouth when I chew. See." To prove her point, she took a large spoonful of ice cream, and started chewing. After ten seconds she made a funny face and ran to the sink to spit the remainder out. "That was cold!" she whined.
"Hence the ICE portion of the name," he informed her.
"Well, maybe they shouldn't make it with ice."
"Then it would be milk."
"Milk and cookies!" she shouted. "What a fabulous idea. I knew there was a reason I married you."
"You mean the proud estate that is Spinner's End and my charming personality weren't enough?"
"Spinner's End isn't that bad, especially since we're making improvements. And as to your personality, um, it fits you well." Severus snorted.
"That was the best you could come up with to describe my personality?" he asked.
"Okay, since apparently my new job description is walking thesaurus, let's give it a shot. You're dark, brooding and pig-headed, but I love you even after taking all that into consideration. And you can be charming when you want to, which is usually just around me. Satisfied?"
"I believe so, but don't quit your day-job to follow this thesaurus dream of yours. You were adequate though." He smirked at the enraged look she gave him.
"High praise indeed," she said through clenched teeth and returned to her cookies. "I'll have you know though, Mr. Snape, that I have the capability of making a student cry with just a little red ink on their assignment."
"Of course you do or I'd never have considered marrying you."
"That was your requirement?" she asked in shock. "To make a child cry?" She looked protectively at her still-flat stomach.
"I was kidding and anyway, I have told you before that it's other people's children that I can't stand. I'd never intentionally hurt our own child."
"So you'll let me name him Severus Fabio Snape?" she asked hopefully.
"Not in a million years, but nice try."
"Okay, how about we call -" she didn't get to finish that thought before Severus pressed his lips to hers and gave her a bruising kiss. "Wow."
"It was the only way to stop you from talking. Now, I forbid you to say another word about names for the next three months."
"But that's a long time," she whined.
"I don't care! Do not even say 'name' in the next three months. I will take you shopping on the next Hogsmeade weekend and buy you anything you want, but only if you promise now that you will be quiet as far as names are concerned for at least your first trimester."
"But-"
"Either you promise or you don't, but only one way will get you diamonds."
"Diamonds?" she asked, a sparkle in her eye. She tossed the cookie she'd been holding onto the plate on the coffee table and looked at him expectantly.
"I said anything you wish. Diamonds are what you'll likely choose though."
"Oh, Severus! Not one more word about names for the next three months," she made a zipping motion across her lips and pretended to lock them shut. She then handed him the imaginary key. "Uh-uh, no sirree Bob, not one word, silent as the grave, mum's the word, not going to discuss it..." she continued her one-woman monologue on the way out of the room.
"I'm already nostalgic for the naming process," he muttered, rubbing the bridge of his nose as a migraine approached.
What should Miranda choose on the trip to Hogsmeade? Please review.
