March 2012

Dean didn't know what he was expecting when Castiel dragged him out of the apartment clutching a duffle bag and told him to drive. The drive was long but he certainly wasn't expecting to drive into the middle of the countryside and lie on a blanket staring up at the stars. He glanced over to Castiel lying next to him with a peaceful look on his face as they stared up at the stars.

"Why are we here?"

"Star gazing" Castiel said with a small smile reaching up and locking one of their hands together. Dean glanced at their linked eyes with narrowed eyes but slowly let it go as he turned his attention towards the stars up ahead.

Things between them had been a little strained but nothing that neither one of them could break from. The sex had soon fizzled to whenever they could be bothered and that wasn't a lot to Dean's surprise. He liked it that way though, it was too weird for Dean to have sex with someone and not kiss them.

"Dean"

"Yeah"

"Can you imagine if we had never met?" he whispered looking over to him. "If I had never went to the party that Chuck has persistently told me I should go to because it would be fun"

"My life would be so different" Dean murmured thoughtfully. "It's strange to think about"

"Do you ever regret meeting me?"

"No" Castiel replied with a shake of his head. "Never"

"I don't regret meeting you either" he murmured shutting his eyes. "But I know my life would be different right now if I hadn't…different friends, different job, and possibly a boyfriend or even a husband"

"Would you want that?"

"What?"

"Marriage"

"Maybe" Castiel whispered with a small smile. "Tied to one person you know you're going to love for the rest of your life…to so many it's like a death trap…a lie…but I wouldn't mind waking up to the same face everyday"

Dean swallowed hard at the wistful look shining in his eyes and expression.

"Who's the face?"

Castiel was silent fingers stroking his fingers trailing across his palm thoughtfully.

"I don't know" he lied wriggling on the blanket to get into a more comfortable position. "I guess when the time is right"

"What about kids?"

"I've never held a baby…" Castiel said rolling his eyes. "I've never thought about it"

"I think you'd make a good dad" Dean teased squeezing his hand gently and smiling when Castiel looked over to him with a small smile.

"So would you"

"I don't think so" Dean said dejectedly.

"Dean, you're good at caring for people"

"Yeah and then I lose them in one way or form" he said with a sigh. "Let's not approach that subject shall we"

The silence stretched between them till Castiel caved and glanced over to him.

"You're never going to lose me, Dean" he whispered. "Not ever"

"Promise me"

"I promise"

"You're not allowed to die either" Dean said tugging at his hand and smiling faintly when he chuckled and nodded.

"Immortality…I'll find it for you then"

"Good"

They fell silent once more watching the stars till Dean yawned feeling tired, sore, and cold from lying on the ground even though it was on top of a blanket.

"Why did we come here, Cas? The real reason" he said tugging at him so he sat up and scowled at him.

"I thought it would be a change then sitting in all the time and I like stargazing" he said softly with a shrug. "You think too much, Dean"

"I do not!"

"Oh but you do!" he replied shoving his shoulder gently. "Or maybe too little…maybe overthinking would hurt you"

"Shut up" Dean muttered with hint of a scowl watching him smile lifting his knees up and hugging them. Castiel dropped his cheek to his knee watching him with a fond smile.

"Stop looking at me like that" Dean said with a sigh dropping down on the blanket.

"Like what?"

"Like I'm….I don't know, just stop" Dean said softly rolling his eyes and looking over when he collapsed onto his front staring down at the blanket.

"It's made me think…"

"What has?"

"What would our lives be like if we hadn't met each other…I'd love to know"

"You'd like not to know me?"

"Only for a day" Castiel said with a wistful look in his eyes. "I wonder if I would be an artist or would I still be a teacher…would Chuck be my best friend or someone completely different…would I be in a relationship or even married to someone out there?"

Dean huffed pouting slightly and meeting Castiel's eyes when he laughed softly.

"Don't you wonder too?"

"No because this is my life, my parents are dead, I work as a nurse, my brother is in a relationship with your brother studying to become a lawyer which he will achieve and I have an ass of a best friend who is you….I don't need to imagine another life because if I did it'd drive me bad"

"Oh"

"Yeah"

"Still…it's fun to imagine"

Dean rolled his eyes keeping his mouth closed and turned when he felt fingers trail into his hair and Castiel stare down at him fondly, something deep and secret dwelling in his eyes while he overlooked him.

"What?" Dean whispered staring up at him, his stomach twisting into knots, and his heart squeezing deep inside of him.

"Nothing" he whispered pulling back and pushing up to kneel on the blanket. "I'm cold; let's go get food and drink"

"Okay" Dean said feeling confused but accepting over his strange actions as he struggled up and brushed his hands down his body. "Where did you want to go?"

"Anywhere with good food" he said chucking the blanket at Dean before walking back up to the car. Dean followed his movement with harrowed eyes not knowing whether to be concerned or not.

They eventually found their way to their favourite café ordering coffee and hot food.

"Are you sure you're feeling okay?"

"I'm fine" Castiel said blinking innocent eyes at him. "You're far too suspicious, Dean, I simply wanted to stargaze and now I want food before we go back to the apartment"

"Alright" Dean responded with a shrug pulling out his phone to see one new message from Sam.

Holiday away with Gabe. One week. NO PHONE CALLS. Sam.

Dean huffed out a laugh tossing it on the table. "Sam and Gabe are going on a holiday together"

"Yes, they're going to the Bahamas" Castiel said picking up the cell phone and staring at the message. "Gabriel is very excited; he keeps talking about marathon sex, alcohol, and seeing Sam in speedos"

Dean choked in disgust waving a hand at Castiel. "Shut up! I don't want that image in my mind!"

"I should have went there when I was travelling"

"Oh really"

"I'm never jealous of my brother but this is a first" he whispered handing him the phone. "I don't like the feeling"

Dean smiled faintly looking up as the waitress walked over with their food and drinks. They ate in comfortable silence enjoying each other's company and the warmth before going back to the apartment for sleep. This was the time that Dean liked to watch him sleep despite his mind telling him it was a little too Twilight for its liking but he ignored it because he was no creepy sparkly vampire who had been a virgin for 100 years thank you very much. It was only for a little while and it was nice to see him so peaceful and nothing worrying his thoughts, not like Dean, Dean was still in clouds of doubt and had no way out.

~0~0~0~0~

May 2012

"Dean" Castiel said barrelling into him as he walked through the door that morning after the night shift.

"Whoa, Cas, calm down"

"No, Dean, I can't calm down! The Avengers is out, Dean, we have to go to the cinema right now and see it!" he pleaded when he shoved him gently out of the way.

"I've just come home from work, Cas, I'm exhausted, I'm hungry and I smell like a hospital so…no, not today, maybe the weekend"

Castiel pouted at Dean when he looked over his shoulder towards him. "Please"

"Cas…"

"Dean, I never ask for anything!"

"I'm tired" he whined and held still when Castiel rushed off gripping his shoulders.

"I'll make it up to you, Dean, I swear. I'll do everything you want"

"Everything" Dean said with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes" Castiel replied in a low voice lifting his hand to trail into the back of his hair, a small smile flicked on his lips and he pressed closer to him.

"Fine" Dean said with a long sigh. "What time is the showing?"

"Whatever showing they have" he said with a beaming smile clinging to him.

"Okay…just let me get dressed and wake up" he said shoving him gently away.

"I'll make this up to you, I swear" Castiel called after him biting into his lip feeling excited as he looked down at Elmo stretched out on the couch sleeping.

Dean dressed in comfier clothes feeling achy and tired like a cold creeping up on him but he let it slip as he walked out and smiled at Castiel's excitement.

"You've been waiting for this"

"Ever since I saw Thor" he said with a hum watching him collect his keys once again. "Come on, Dean!"

"You're too demanding" Dean said with a growl shoving him forward and down the stairs. Castiel threw a smile over his shoulder at him. Dean couldn't help throwing glances over to Castiel who was excitedly holding in his enthusiasm.

"You're so weird"

"I'm not"

"Sam is going to be pissed; he's been dying to see this"

"Can we brag about it?" Castiel said with a smirk.

"Oh yeah"

Castiel's childlike excitement didn't dimmer down as they waited 30 minutes for the next screening and Dean was deciding whether or not to rush to the toilet to vomit. He didn't feel well in the slightest but he wasn't about to ruin Castiel's afternoon by declaring himself sick. When the 30 minutes passed they were sat near the front to watch it and Dean couldn't help but breathe through his mouth controlling the urge. The film was of course amazing for the pair of them until near the end were Castiel was practically having an orgasm was when Dean retched running out and into the toilets to throw up.

"Fuck" he swore spitting the last of it into the bowel before standing up on shaky legs and opening the door to see a concerned Castiel waiting for him.

"What are you doing? Go watch the end of it" Dean said rolling his eyes as he took the bottle of water from his held out hand.

"You've been feeling sick this whole time?"

"No…well, a little" he murmured with a shrug sipping the water. "Go, Cas"

"No we need to go home and I can watch the end on DVD"

"Cas…"

Castiel refused to take no for an answer as he took his hand and tugged him out as they walked to the car.

"You should have told me, Dean, instead of suffering in silence"

"You wanted to see it"

"Well I care about you a lot more than a film" Castiel said shoving him in the passenger seat and circling to drive. "You are pasty white, Dean, and you're sweating"

"Cas, it's fine, I'm fine, it's just a little bug" he whispered closing his eyes. "You missed the end"

"So? I don't care about that…"

"Liar"

"Well I do a little but that means you have to buy me the DVD when it comes out and sit with me to watch everything and the extras"

"Promise" he said with a chuckle closing his eyes and slumping in his seat. The drive home was torturous for Dean who gagged once or twice feeling the urge to throw up in his car and slapped his own cheek hard to stop it and nearly collapsed in relief when they turned into their street and Castiel helped him out.

"Bed, I'll get you some ginger ale, crackers, and our bucket for the bed" Castiel ordered unlocking the apartment door and pointing at the door.

"Cas…"

"Go…now" he said slowly with a sigh walking into the kitchen and listening to the bed springs as they collapsed in and Dean groaned. Castiel hurried in with the bucket placing it at the end and wincing when the moment he did Dean gagged vomiting into it.

"Just get it up" he whispered rubbing his back with a frown. "Have you eaten anything odd?"

"Sandwich in hospital" he said with a low moan tucking his head on his thigh. "The meat was a little weird"

"Food poisoning perhaps"

"Bug" Dean murmured wriggling closer to him for comfort.

"I'm going to get you ginger ale and crackers"

"Do we have ginger ale?" Dean murmured with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes, I bought some a while back when I was sick myself" he said stroking his hair gently and turning when Elmo's bell jingled as he strolled in. "Elmo can keep you company"

"Demon" Dean murmured when Elmo sprang up staring at him before climbing up next to him and curling up. He looked up when Castiel walked in with a pint of ginger ale and crackers thrusting them at him.

"Eat and drink"

"Christ, you're worse than a bleeding house wife" Dean cursed biting into the cracker with a wince.

"I'd make a fabulous wife"

"Thank you" Dean said softly taking a swig of the ginger ale and coughed slamming his chest at the burn it caused. It wasn't his favourite. Dean collapsed into the mattress breathing heavily and feeling exhausted as his eyelids slipped close. Castiel watched him brushing a hand over his leg before turning to leave.

"No, don't leave" Dean protested flailing a hand in his direction.

"Do you want me to stay?"

"No I want you to stand there and look pretty…get your ass back here" he snapped hitting the bed. Castiel rolled his eyes walking back over and picking up Elmo as he slid next to him so Dean could lift his head and rest it against his chest.

"So…Iron Man or Captain America?" Dean muttered into his chest.

"Iron Man"

"No way, Captain America" Dean said with a snort.

"Iron Man is better, Dean, and you know it"

"Captain America is badass!"

"He was an experiment!"

"Oh and Iron Man wasn't?" Dean said with a scoff wriggling closer to him again. "His shield is awesome"

"Iron Man has a suit that is much better and well…Robert Downey Jnr is….very handsome" he said wistfully and raising an eyebrow when Dean lifted his head to look at him.

"Oh really…"

"Yes"

Dean snorted shaking his head as he butted into him so Castiel grunted in pain for a moment before settling against him.

"Captain America is better" he mumbled.

"Whatever you say, Dean" he said stroking and trailing his fingers into his hair smelling mint and liking it a lot.

They remained like that with Dean drifting in and out of his sleep and only waking to climb over Castiel and a disgruntled Elmo to throw up noisily into the bucket.

"Shit!" Dean swore loudly panting as he finished and moaned weakly leaning back into him and scowled at Elmo who yowled blinking big blues at him.

"If you don't like it…leave" he hissed at him.

"Leave him alone sicko" Castiel murmured into his ear lying him back down and pressing warmth against his back. "He's just concerned"

"Well tell him he can have it" he muttered into the cotton of his pillow.

"You're fine, just sleep, Dean, you'll feel a lot better after sleep" he whispered into his ear and shushed him when he whimpered.

"Fuck off"

"Such a sweet talker" Castiel said with a smile against his skin kissing his temple gently. "Sleep"

"Ass" Dean murmured feeling sleep creep in and overtake him. He looked over to Elmo who meowed climbing over Dean and into his arms.

"Come on, let's get some food" he whispered casting a look over to Dean snoring into the pillow with a fond smile. "We're in for a rough evening"

Later on that evening, Castiel's fears came true when Dean became fussy, annoyed, and irritated by his constant puking and had decided to take it out on him.

"I'm sick, you ass!" Dean shouted at him when he rolled his eyes calling him "pathetic and it's just a bug".

"Stay here!" Dean demanded when he walked back out.

"I'm watching TV" he shouted back to him collapsing on the couch.

"You're pure evil! I'd say with you if you were ill and I have, you jerk!" Dean hollered before choking and vomiting once again. Castiel winced listening to the splash of vomit that was the ginger ale and crackers. He sighed jabbing the off button and walked over folding his arms over his chest to look at him.

"This whole room smells of sick and sweat, Dean, I must say you are rather unappealing at this moment in time" he said with a frown. "So forgive me for not wanting to jump in next to you"

"You said you'd make it up to me!"

"I meant in sexual favours"

Dean scoffed covering his eyes with his arm. "You get the award for world's best friend, congrats, you're an ass"

"Fine" Castiel said with narrowed eyes walking over and slipping under the cover to wrap his arms around him. "Now you own me"

"Shut your hole" Dean muttered grumpily.

"Now that is not very nice is it?"

"Screw niceness"

"Maybe later"

Dean snorted with repressed laughter opening his eyes to look at him. "Thanks, anyway"

"You're not very welcome…go to sleep"

"I'm not tired"

Castiel closed his eyes irritated at him as he wriggled next to him. "Dean…"

"What?!"

"Stay still or I'll throw that bucket over your head" he hissed over to him.

Dean glared at him before rolling over and giving him his back. They remained silent with Castiel staring up at the ceiling and Dean at the wall.

"Sorry" Dean murmured looking over to him. "I just feel like crap"

"I know"

"I didn't mean it"

"I know"

"Stop saying that!" Dean cried with a huff turning fully to face him.

"Dean, you really are insufferable"

"So are you!"

"Says the one" Castiel said bemused turning to face him and giving him a faint smile. "It's fine, Dean, just close your eyes and sleep…I'll be here"

"You'll always be here" Dean replied with a blink.

Castiel was silent for a long minute before nodding. "I will always be here"

A/N: Thank you for all the reviews!