this chapter has been brought to by the blood, sweat, and tears of yours truly (mostly tears tho. so many tears)
more srsly, i haven't been having the greatest year if i'm being honest, but i'm glad to have finally written and gotten this chapter out for you guys to read. hope you all enjoy this one! ^^
a big, huge thanks to all that have read, reviewed, fav'd and subscribed last chapter. i'm really sorry i've been bad about replying to reviews lately, but know that i've read them, and that i appreciate them all so, so, so much. srsly, even when it's been months and months since an update and I'm still getting the occasional review, you've no idea how much it keeps me going to finish the next update. and then when i do post it, seeing all of you guys that are still here with me after all these long waits in between, it's just… so incredible and sweet and touching just aaaaa
i'll stop here tho, just had to show my appreciation like you guys do to me. now go forth, read, and enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own, nor claim to own, anything pertaining to Inuyasha or Harry Potter
—Misgivings and Ill Will—
A hushed silence fell upon the Great Hall following the Sorting Hat's declaration, students and professors alike watching with abated breath; across from Kagome, a gasp echoed barely even a second later, exceptionally loud in the sudden quiet.
But Kagome could not tear her eyes away to look from the first year that still sat on the stool – nor could she help the way her heart sank like a stone to the pit of her stomach at the sight of the distraught expression splashed across the young boy's stark-white face.
For a beat no one spoke, no one moved – not until up at the main table at the front of the Hall the Head of Hufflepuff began to clap, proud and strong.
The action sent the ball rolling; from there, the Hufflepuffs followed their Head's lead and applause began to spread outward throughout the room. Only the Slytherin side remained mostly empty of cheer, where instead wild whispers spurred into wildfire while those younger among them looked on with confusion at their older housemates, their hands coming together in a hesitant applause.
Across from Kagome at the table, Sirius clapped like a madman possessed, eager she was sure to show his brother unrestrained support.
Gods knew he wouldn't be getting any from his parents.
Mechanically, Kagome brought her hands up to do the same. It was all she could do as Sirius' voice echoed in her head for the second time that night: clap and watch what she felt was the first of many dominoes to fall.
Meddling, mocked her best friend's voice in the empty expanse of her mind, low and taunting with an ominous echo, and still she could not rip her gaze away from the boy still sitting on the tall stool at the front of the Hall, looking small and so very alone.
You're meddling.
At the front Professor McGonagall stepped over to place a hand on Regulus, who seemed to have frozen in his shock. Fingers curled briefly over his shoulder and gave a soft, comforting squeeze.
The touch stirred him. His movements automatic, he removed the Sorting Hat from the top of his head and slipped off the stool, red beginning to pool around his cheeks, stumbling as his feet touched the ground, his balance unsteady.
The Professor's hand had yet to leave, instead moving to the back of his shoulders, gentle in its guidance down the steps, the softest of pressures as it nudged him towards the long table nestled against the wall where long flags dyed yellow and black hung overhead before finally falling away.
His steps were paced, steady as he looked ahead toward his newly designated House, his new housemates, as the Deputy Headmistress called yet another name behind him. Their surprise was open and clear on their faces, but did nothing to impede the smile they wore as they welcomed him warmly into their ranks, nor their cheers or applause.
The small smile fixed upon his face was nothing but a mask of reflexive propriety as hands clapped him on his back, sliding away only for more to follow as he made his way towards the empty space at the end, numbly registering the physical contact.
He took his seat next to a second year as he was the first to be Sorted into the House, turned towards the front where the Sorting proceeded without interruption, as if his own had not just turned his entire life upside down.
Blankly, he listened to the applause of another House as they welcomed their new addition – Gryffindor. His eyes tracked the student, a freckled blond wearing robes two sizes too big, as she trotted to the far end until she took her seat.
Next to the blonde, he then saw blue staring back at him.
Dropping all pretense of civility, Regulus glared.
"Uh, Kagome…"
Lifting her gaze from her plate of half-eaten food at the whisper, Kagome found Lily shooting her a nervous look.
She was pretty sure she already knew what was wrong, but still she asked, "Yeah?"
"You said that Regulus was your friend…?"
Kagome did not need to look over to where Lily's anxious glance had flitted to – the burning sensation of a glare drilling holes into her skin had yet to let up since the beginning of the Sorting. Not once, not even freaking once. In fact, at Lily's glance over there it even seemed to worsen.
Regulus was pissed and was making it no secret that she was to blame. When their eyes had locked earlier, the fury burned hot in a blaze of dark, flinty grey directed solely at her and it sent chills down the length of her spine.
She'd avoided looking over at the Hufflepuff table ever since.
Instead, she turned back to her meal, grabbing her goblet to hide the bitter twist her lips had taken. The hair stood tall at the nape of her neck, hyperaware as she was of the stare boring into her.
Regulus' eyes might as well have been daggers.
"Yeah… After tonight, I doubt I'll ever be able to say that again…" she muttered quietly, and took a long, heavy sip of her pumpkin juice.
Lily made a confused noise but Kagome didn't volunteer to explain any further.
In all honesty, she was ninety-nine percent sure Regulus was plotting her death at that very moment, and as absurd as the thought may be, she still made the mental note to watch her back for the remainder of her Hogwarts' career.
Kagome continued to eat but found it difficult to do so for long – Regulus' relentless glaring aside, it was hard to keep her mind off not only Kirara still running in the Forbidden Forest with whatever else it was that she'd chased after or the impending lecture and subsequent punishment waiting for her at the end of the feast, but the fact that Regulus wasn't the only Black currently upset with her as well.
Sirius was unusually quiet at the table. No doubt the shock of his brother's unexpected Sorting had a play in it, but he wasn't exactly subtle in his glances at her when he thought she wasn't looking.
Not that she was going to do anything about it. Merlin, not tonight. Maybe not even tomorrow. Too much had already happened to add hashing things out with Sirius on top of it, and the night wasn't even over yet.
Just as she set her fork down, pushing her unfinished plate away from her, something knocked against Kagome's foot beneath the table. Startled, she looked up to find her brother staring back at her, open worry in his face.
"Kagome, you look like shite," he said, blunt, which of course brought the attention of their friends to focus in on her.
She rubbed a hand over her face and eyes, if only to hide from the stares as they didn't deny her twin's accusation. "Tired," she admitted after a long moment. Her voice cracked and she quickly cleared her throat and tried to smile it off. If the way her brother looked even more worried was any indication, however, it didn't work. Shoulders slumping, her gaze slid to the side, her head giving a couple of paltry shakes to wave his concern away. "I'm just… tired."
"Hey." Slowly, Kagome turned back to her twin at his softened voice, feeling a foot knocking against hers once more. "Kirara's gonna be fine," James assured her, hitting the nail on the head of one of her own worries. "And what's the worst that could happen with the Headmaster? Detention, sure, for a while probably." And there went another. As Kagome held herself still, she half-wondered if James would read her mind and bring up Regulus or Sirius next. Instead, she relaxed for a beat as he went on to say, "The only thing you should be worried about is when Mum and Dad hear about this."
She tensed once more as his words finally registered in her head.
Their parents.
They were going to flip
Moaning, Kagome let her head fall against the empty space she'd cleared on the table in front of her, barely catching a glimpse of Lily's fierce glare before the beige tablecloth filled her vision and the impact reverberated through her skull with an audible thump.
Across from her, James began to sputter.
"W-what? What did I do?"
The feast ended much the same as it did last year, with Dumbledore giving a short beginning of the year speech before dismissing them for the night. As the newly Sorted first years were corralled by the Prefects, the older students went on ahead and began to disperse from the hall.
Together with Lily, Remus and Peter only a couple steps behind them, they made their way towards the exit along with the rest of the students. A hand caught Kagome's wrist before she could get very far, however, tugging her back and spinning her around.
Arms wrapped around Kagome, enveloping her in a tight embrace. With a soft, sharp inhale, Kagome went still, an island in the midst of a sea of students that broke apart and swarmed around the pair blocking them from reaching the doors.
"You're okay." Kagome started at the sound of James' voice, the words bursting out beside her ear on a breathless exhale, hoarse and cracking, so drenched with relief that just hearing them weighed heavily on her heart. "You've no idea how long I've been waiting to just… do this."
Kagome understood too well what he meant, and it tore at her.
To make sure you're really here.
James' name slipped past Kagome's trembling lips. Throwing her arms around her twin's back, she squeezed as hard as she could, returning his hug with everything she had. "I'm sorry, James…" she breathed out, her voice becoming thick, I'm so sorry."
She listened to his ragged breathing, took comfort in the snug squeeze he gave her – when she was the one meaning to comfort him – before he told her, "Don't you ever do something like that again." He pushed them apart so he could glare at her properly, hazel eyes slating her with a hard stare. "Not without me. Promise."
Kagome couldn't help but laugh, though the sound of it came out a little watery.
If only such a thing was so easy.
We can't stay fused at the hip forever, James…
"I'll try," so she said instead, the thought bringing a sad twist to her mouth. There was no way she could promise him that. Not with the things that she knew were to come, the things she would have to do in the future in order to fulfill Harry's wish.
If she had her way, she would have her brother as far away as humanely possible when those times come to pass, as wishful fancies as those thoughts were.
James' lips pursed in a pout and he no doubt would've needled at her until she promised him like he'd asked had she not linked arms with his and began to march them toward the doors.
"I have to wait for Professor McGonagall," she informed him and the others, who were waiting outside the Great Hall doors for them. It was a strange sight to see Lily willingly in close proximity with the boys, standing against the wall next to Remus, with him and Peter set between herself and Sirius. Kagome fiddled nervously with James' sleeve, her eyes slipping to the side. "She's escorting me to the Headmaster's office for a, ah, talk."
Remus and James snorted. Lily looked unrepentantly unsympathetic. "What else do you expect for jumping off a moving carriage and running straight into the Forbidden Forest?"
Something told Kagome that Lily would not be letting that go for a very long time to come…
"A reward for surviving?" she joked, or rather tried. She was only successful in pulling a laugh out of Peter, and that alone was a weak, almost pitying one at that. "Wow, tough crowd…" she muttered, rubbing at the back of her neck.
"I wonder how many points this is going to cost us," James said, more curious than upset at the thought.
"Can they really take away points when school hadn't even officially started, though?" Remus countered, looking just as intrigued.
Lily looked between the two in visible disbelief.
"We'll find out in the morning either way," Peter said, shooting Kagome a sympathetic look which, frankly, it was about bloody time.
Sirius had yet to speak up.
"I guess we will," Kagome said, murmuring, her spirits dampening once more. Slinging her hands into the pockets of her robes, she shifted away to look around them.
The crowd passing through the Great Hall doors was beginning to thin out by then. All that was really left were a few stragglers and the prefects responsible for gathering up and escorting the new first years to their respective sleeping quarters, and the latter were leading their wards out of Hall now.
And of course, the first to walk through the doors were none other than the Hufflepuffs.
Kagome's gaze felt to the floor as the line of first years filed out through entrance, sinking further against the wall and into the shadows as they passed them by. Tension coiled in her shoulders, and she knew she was hiding like a coward, hoping that if she made herself small enough she might avoid—
Kagome peeked up just in time to see that, at the end of the line, Regulus had paused right in front of their group to level her with a frigid glare.
Ahead, his housemates continued walking on, oblivious.
"I regret ever talking to you," was all he said to her, cold and matter-of-fact, before he pivoted on his heel and stalked away after his fellow first years, leaving the rest of them rendered silent.
"Right," Kagome weakly said after a lengthy moment. Her eyes were beginning to sting, and Merlin, never before did she wish that Professor McGonagall would come drag her off to get lectured until that night, right at that very moment. Regulus' reaction felt a little anticlimactic – Sirius was practically synonymous with dramatic at times – and yet, those few words felt like a white hot blade sliding into her chest all the same.
"Kagome…"
"Well!" Kagome said, not looking at Lily or acknowledging her look, or, well, any of the others'. Her voice sounded a touch too high, her chest becoming painfully tight. "Maybe you guys should head on to the tower? I'd hate for you all to get detentions along with me for staying out too long."
"What was that about?"
Kagome froze for a quick second at Sirius' question; slowly, her hands slipped out of her pockets, her arms sliding across her stomach to hug her waist tightly, fingers curling into the dark, wool fabric of her robes. Her eyes began to stinger even harsher.
The first time Sirius had spoken to her all day and it was this?
No, of course it was this.
Kagome almost wanted to laugh, and for a moment she thought of just ignoring his question but – Merlin, she was just tired. "Clearly he blames me for getting him Sorted into Hufflepuff." For the first time that night Kagome turned to look Sirius right in the eye, her chest constricting further, like a band had wrapped around her lungs and it was being yanked tight. "Seems like he shares the same opinion as you about me meddling."
Not bothering to wait for his response, Kagome swiveled on her heel and strode back inside the Great Hall. "I'm just gonna wait in here," she called back to the others, waving a hasty goodbye over her shoulder. "I'll see you guys in the morning, and you in the dorm, Lily."
"Well." Remus was the first to break the stunned silence following Kagome's sudden departure. He took one look at Sirius' reddened, shame-filled face and decided to follow her advice. "Let's go then, shall we?"
Sirius needed no further prompting and began to stalk off in the direction of the Gryffindor tower, much like Kagome did in the opposite direction.
James sighed, the sound of it a drawn out, deep, and weary one. "Guys… d'you mind?" he asked, gesturing to Sirius. James doubted Sirius would be comfortable with him checking on him, all things considered.
Remus and Peter shared an apprehensive glance before the latter nodded hurriedly. With a quick couple waves they jogged off after their sulking best friend, leaving James alone…
With Lily.
It took him a moment to realize the fact – that he was alone. With Evans. And if it were any other night, he was sure he'd be jumping in excitement, or mentally at least.
Now, James didn't know what to do, and so they stood there unmoving in a silence that was swift in becoming awkward until Lily peered up over at him, her thin brows furrowed and teeth digging into the corner of her lip. It spurred him into action, making a jerky sweeping gesture for them to follow their fellow Gryffindors.
The ensuing silence was as painful as it was uncomfortable. All the other times James had found himself in Lily's presence were filled with bickering or outright arguing and now he found himself floundering with what to say.
"Ah," James finally said after a long moment. "Uh, sorry for earlier," he apologized, stammering a little, and at Lily's confused look he explained, "I was kinda… pretty rude earlier. Asking about Kagome…"
Lily's features softened. With a small sigh she shrugged, tucking a stray lock of scarlet behind her ear. "You were worried." She made a noise in the back of her throat, one that sounded strange. "First time I've ever seen you like that. Any other time you're always—" She paused, thinking better of the word she was about to use, and finished with, "Well, you."
James snorted, more amused at the sheepish look on Lily's face than offended. "Well, she's my sister," he said, as if it was as simple as that.
"Yeah…" came her faint murmur. Lily shook her head. "Anyway, I'm still kinda worried about her…"
"Me too," James softly replied, slinging his hands into the side pockets of his robes. He blew out a big breath. "She'll be okay though, I know." He was confident about it too. "She'll have to serve a few detentions, sure, but… Kirara's gonna be alright and things with Sirius will blow over eventually. With our parents too, after they find out." He cringed. "Though… I'm not looking forward to that Howler when it comes…"
"I didn't even know she was fighting with Sirius," Lily confessed, sounding pensive. James looked over to find her worrying her bottom lip between her teeth again.
"It just happened last week, actually," he found himself telling her, a grimace finding its way onto his face as he recalled, "She hasn't said anything about it to me, either. Sirius is the same. The others only found out about it today too." Releasing a lengthy sigh, his eyes drifted to stare up at the cobblestone ceiling as they passed by underneath it. "Wants to keep it between them, she says – which is bollocks seeing how well that's working out for them."
"I can see why," Lily offered, her tone neutral, "You'd end up getting dragged into it and picking sides, right?"
James grimaced. Would he? Sirius said the same as well. Reaching up to rub at the back of his neck, he gave a shrug. "Maybe, one way or another, I guess…" True, there was a part of him that felt compelled to side with Kagome purely on principle, but…
Kagome and Sirius never fought. That they did meant it was serious, and that alone made him worried, not eager to pick sides.
The last week had been torture – awkward, uncomfortable torture that only hit its peak today because it was the first time they'd seen each other since their fight, and it didn't look like either of them was willing to take the first step to fix things anytime soon.
In all honesty, James just wanted his two best friends to make up already and set things back to the way they're supposed to be, sides and who's to blame be damned.
Ten minutes into Professor McGonagall tearing into her for her "reckless, foolish actions! Jumping off a carriage while it was moving! Running into the Forbidden Forest at night! What in the world possessed you to do something so dangerous?" Kagome was really feeling the night's events catching up to her.
She would be glad to hear what her punishment would be, if only it meant she could finally drag her aching arse to the tower and into the warm, comfortable four-poster waiting for her up in the second year dorms.
In the end, the verdict came to be seventy-five points deducted from Gryffindor and detention until October to be served in the Detention Hall on Tuesdays and Thursdays and doing various chores of Professor McGonagall's discretion on the weekends.
Wandless.
Which wasn't too terrible, until the headmaster dealt the final blow with a single sentence.
"I have already penned a letter to your parents. It is en route as we speak."
Kagome's shoulders slumped in defeat as she resigned herself to the reality of a Howler arriving with her name on it sometime tomorrow.
"I understand," she demurred with a heavy sigh, scrubbing wearily at her face. It couldn't be helped. As she lowered her arms, she paused midway upon finding that the two adults had become frighteningly still, staring right at her.
Professor McGonagall was looking unusually pale, a stricken expression twisting her features while Dumbledore possessed one of somber severity that she'd never seen before as he regarded her over the lens of his glasses.
A shot of panic raced through Kagome's spine, her gaze flickering between the two adults in bewilderment.
"Miss Potter," Professor McGonagall finally said, the restraint in her voice audible through its hoarseness, and it was then that Kagome realized the professor wasn't quite looking at her, but down at her arm. "I had thought you said you were unharmed."
Kagome blinked. "I… I wasn't…?" she cautiously said, before following the Professor's gaze to see that – "Ah." There was rip in her sleeve; between the two sides of gaping, scarlet inner fabric, she saw a flash of darkened red streaking up along the side her forearm in the middle of a long tear in her sweater and shirt. Rolling up her sleeves, she blinked again at the sight of dried blood smearing her skin. "It doesn't really hurt…" she mumbled as she checked out the wound – a thin, shallow scratch despite all the blood, fortunately. Tracing along the length of it stung, but only slightly. "I hadn't even realized…"
After all, her whole body felt like one big walking bruise. And with everything else that was happening, it must have slipped her notice.
"Miss Potter."
Kagome froze at the sound of Dumbledore calling her name with such a grave tone to his voice. Slowly, she lifted her head so she could face him only for her spine to reflexively go rigid; behind his glasses his eyes were a sharp, too-bright blue, the weight of his gaze leaving her feet feeling much like stone.
For the second time that night he asked her, "Did you run into anything at all while you were in the forest?"
This time, though, felt differently as he asked the question.
Immediately, Kagome was shaking her head. "Aside from Mister Firenze, no," she answered truthfully. If it weren't for the fact that she'd already told the truth the first time, she felt like she'd be compelled to do so now. "I mean, I did hear something, but… then I fell and kind of… took a tumble through a few bushes." She held up her injured arm with a sheepish look, adding, "I'm pretty sure it's how I got this."
Dumbledore leaned over his desk to pin Kagome with an imploring gaze that had her swallowing thickly. "By something, what do you mean exactly?"
Slowly, she shrugged, at a loss. "Like I said, I didn't see anything? I just heard… growling? Snarling?"
Before Kirara slapped her down a hill, that is.
"I see," the headmaster murmured, and she couldn't help but relax as his gaze slid to the side in contemplation and away from her, leaning back into his chair once more.
Kagome looked between Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall as they shared a look meaningful enough to be a conversation of its own, seeking her own answers. The headmaster's persistence on the subject, as well as both of the adults' strange behavior had suspicion stirring in the back of her mind. It was only a little scratch, after all; she would've figured they already knew the kind of creatures that inhabited the forest…
What could possibly have them so concerned?
Instead, all she got was a trip to the hospital ward to get her scratch cleaned up before she could return to the tower at last.
Upon arriving at the Gryffindor tower, James and Lily saw that though most had already retired upstairs to their respective dorms, a few stragglers still remained to linger in the Common Room.
More specifically, Sirius was still downstairs, tucked away in a little nook in the corner of the room. He was sitting at the small table pushed against the wall under a window looking out into the night sky, his back hunched over with a quill in hand. The sight left James wondering where Remus and Peter had gone to – if Sirius had shut them out as well when they went to go talk to him like he'd asked and sent them away.
Just watching Sirius, though, made his chest ache. He made for a lonely sight there, all by himself and looking so small.
A hand settled on James' shoulder, startling him as it gave a squeeze – turning, he found Lily giving him a little smile, the curl of her mouth offering an encouraging boost. "He looks like he needs someone to talk to," she said, with a nod over to the curly-haired boy in the corner.
James grinned and gave her hand an appreciative pat. "G'night, Evans."
The corners of Lily's lips twitched. "Night, Potter."
James' heart flipped, and try as he might to contain it there was a skip to his step as he made his way towards his sulking best friend. By the time he slipped up into place behind Sirius he was calmer, but more confident, as he peered over his shoulder.
"What's that, a letter?" he quietly asked. "Who are you writing to?"
If Sirius was surprised at his appearance, he didn't show it – he only hunched further over the table. "My uncle," he murmured after a beat. His voice sounded small and drained. Bringing the quill, nib wet with ink, back down to the foot-long sheet of parchment set in front of him, it glided over the paper to leave a glistening trail of neat, elegant script. "I… wanted to ask his advice on something."
"On what happened, you mean?" James said as casual as you please, getting right to it. "With Kagome?"
Sirius' quill paused in mid-air for a long moment. "Kagome really didn't tell you?" he asked, staring blankly ahead at the cobblestone wall in front of him. The words came softly, almost a sigh.
"I told you before that she didn't," James muttered. Shuffling over to the wall, he turned to lean against it. He looked up briefly at Sirius across from him, but his friend continued to avoid his gaze as he turned his attention back to the letter in front of him. His own fell to the floor as he gave a despondent shrug. "She refused to. So did you. And now the rest of us are left waiting in the dark."
Sirius finally looked up at James, dropping his quill into the inkpot.
"Now hard to figure out you two argued about something big," James continued to speak, "Especially after tonight."
Sirius grimaced and hung his head at that. It was a long time before he finally confessed. "I said some things to her last week…" he trailed off, curling further into himself, almost defensively, "They were pretty mean."
James tensed. He had to bite his tongue to tamp back the instinctual "You what?" that leapt to the forefront of his mind. Instead, he took a deep breath and asked, "Why did you guys fight?"
Sirius shifted in his seat, looking anywhere but at James and appearing incredibly uncomfortable while he was at it. When at last he gave his answer it came slowly, as if getting the words out was like pulling teeth for him. "…I haven't… really said much about my family to you guys."
James blinked and took a moment to allow Sirius' confession, albeit an indirect one, to sink in. The dots were beginning to connect. Their fight was about Sirius' family, then – about Regulus more specifically, which was glaringly obvious in light of the night's events earlier.
He recalled overhearing Lily mentioning Regulus was Kagome's friend – which, when that happened, James hadn't the first clue – but it clearly no longer held true after tonight.
"I've noticed," James eventually admitted in regards to Sirius' answer, his voice now subdued. Pushing away from the wall, he drew closer to the table and slipped into the vacant chair. "It didn't seem like you wanted to talk about it."
Sirius let out a snort, a sardonic twist coming to his lips. "I didn't."
James clicked his tongue, raising his hands as if to say: what can you do? "So, I didn't want to push."
This time, it was a bitter laugh that was pulled from Sirius. "Your sister didn't feel the same."
Ah. Propping an elbow onto the table, James laid his cheek against his palm. "She does that. She's a pusher." He rolled his eyes, trying to joke and lighten the atmosphere. "I think it's a girl thing."
"Maybe it's a Kagome thing," Sirius murmured. "She tried talking about it before, but I didn't…" he trailed off with a faint shake of his head. "And then she met Reggie while we were shopping for school last week. She didn't let it go this time."
"Ah." James delicately said with a bit of a grimace. His sister's words from earlier that night returned to him.
"Seems like he shares the same opinion as you about me meddling."
James could fill in the blanks from there.
For the first time since they began talking, Sirius looked up at James, his teeth digging deeply into his bottom lip. He was the picture of apologetic and repentant, and while James couldn't help feeling that look should be directed at a certain someone else instead and not him, the apprehension in the way Sirius held himself made it blatantly clear why Kagome hadn't wanted to tell him or the others in the first place.
Sirius fully expected James to be mad at him. Merlin, more than just mad, it was like he thought James would disown him as a best friend right then and there.
James groaned. Popping up halfway out of his chair, he reached across the table to mess with Sirius' hair if only to block the view of his downtrodden expression. "Merlin, quit it with the puppy dog eyes already," he complained as Sirius hastily straightened his fringe, "I'm not mad at you!"
Sirius froze, fingers still tangled in his hair. Wide grey eyes snapped up to peer at him through a curtain of untidy, dark curls. "You're… you're not?"
The words came hesitantly, coloured with soft disbelief; James had to duck his head, unable to hold Sirius' gaze any longer. "I reckon I would be," he confessed, especially if he knew what kind of "pretty mean" things Sirius had said to his twin. "But…" he shrugged, "I think you're punishing yourself enough for the both of us. I mean, bloody hell, you've been looking like a lost puppy since you guys fought." He sighed, heavy and weary. "…And Kagome… probably should have minded her business, if you felt that strongly about it, I dunno."
Sirius offered a helpless little shrug. "Still, I'm sorry."
"It's not me you should be apologizing to," James said just to get that bit straightened out, perhaps a little too sharply for Sirius' liking going by his wince, but, it was the truth. "It should be you two to each other, now that I think of it."
Sirius shifted uncomfortably in his chair, fiddling with the top left corner of his unfinished letter. "That's, uh, easier said than done."
James shot his best friend an incredulous look. "You literally just apologized to me not even a minute ago," he deadpanned, "Just repeat it to my sister."
"You don't think I've tried?" Sirius finally burst out, fingers curling into a fist.
Frankly, James couldn't say that he did when Sirius avoided so much as speaking about Kagome all night, never mind actually looking her way whenever they were in the same room. It wasn't until Regulus snapped at Kagome that Sirius finally said a word to her at all.
Sirius was still ranting. "You might not be angry at me, but Kagome has every right to be!"
James snorted, crossing his arms as his gaze went askance. "I'm pretty sure Kagome wasn't all that mad until after the feast…"
Sirius groaned, slumping in his seat. "That's… not really encouraging there, mate…"
James faced his best friend one more and tilted his head. His eyes narrowing, he let out a considering hum, drawing the sound out as he allowed a smirk to take up on his face. "Never took you for a coward, though," he mused, nonchalant with just a hint of taunting.
He waited.
"Oi!"
It did the trick: Sirius reared up, back straight as he glared at him across the table.
"What?" James said, all innocence and round eyes they both knew were one-hundred percent feigned. "Don't like it, then buck up and talk to her like the Gryffindor you're supposed to be." Leveling Sirius with a flat look, he added, "You think this is awkward for you, trying being in the middle of it."
Sirius slowly sank into his chair with a nervous laugh, now avoiding James' stare. "Lemme just… finished my letter first, Merlin…"
Shaking his head, James' mouth twitched. For the first time in over a week, he felt like he could finally relax a bit.
Early morning at breakfast the next day brought a message to Kagome in the form of a red envelope and a hush that swept through the Great Hall spearheaded none other by Crackers: the Potter family owl.
The familiar "kiew, kiew" had both Kagome and James' forks freezing in mid-air as soon as it reached their ears, their eyes rising to meet like two magnets before they turned in time to face the animal headed straight for their table.
As soon as she neared the twins, Crackers swooped down and skidded down the table. The other students acted hastily to pull any dishes and goblets out of the way of the oncoming tiny ball of feathers; a good thing that they did too, for Crackers ended up tripping over herself at one point and went rolling the rest of the way down to her destination.
With practiced ease, Kagome held out a hand so Crackers wouldn't roll on past. Momentum halted, grey-brown, white-spotted feathers smoothly unfurled and shook themselves out with a grace that felt at odds after her tumble, leaving the dumpy Little Owl looking unruffled for the most part.
Once settled, Crackers didn't linger long. With another "kiew kiew" she slid her crimson wrapped prize towards Kagome, gently nipped the girl's finger as if she knew what was to come, swiped a couple of dry cereal chips from a bowl nearby, and then shot back up into the air to book it out of there.
In front of her, the letter quivered. As Kagome leaned back out of reflex, so did those seated around her scurry to scoot away to safety. Finally, she reached over to gingerly slide a fingernail under the seal, breaking it.
The letter levitated up into the air to hover in front of her.
As the edges of the envelopes folds slowly peeled back, Kagome took a deep breath to brace herself for her mother's sharp, irate scolding – which she fully deserved – only for her stomach to twist and shrivel when it was her father's calm, quiet baritone that spoke up instead.
"Kagome."
The girl in question could literally feel the colour draining from her face – like stepping outside the warmth on a winter day, a chill overcoming her body and the breath she sucked in turning her insides frigid from her throat to her lungs.
"I doubt I need to tell you what you did last night was wrong. Nor should I need to tell you how it felt to be informed that our only twelve year-old daughter not only leapt off a moving carriage but ran directly into the Forbidden Forest, alone, at night."
There was a pause in which a heavy exhale could be heard.
"Unpleasant would not even begin to cover it."
With a shuddering breath, Kagome glanced up to lock eyes with her brother sitting across from her, looking about as wide-eyed and pale as she felt.
But the Howler didn't end there.
At last, her mother broke into the conversation. Her voice was a heart-wrenching subdued mimicry of how it usually was, threaded with her barely constrained distress. "No matter how hard I try, I cannot figure out what could have possibly gone through your head," she all but cried out. "Kagome, you're not usually so – so rash! Darling, please, I could not bear to lose you or your brother. I beg of you, do not do anything as dangerous as this again."
Kagome swallowed thickly, blinking away the sting that was swiftly beginning to assault her eyes.
And though her mother's voice softened and calmed, lowering even further to adopt a tone of finality, it didn't soften the impact of her parting words in the slightest.
"We're glad you are safe and unharmed, my darling, but… We're also very disappointed in you. We shall discuss your punishment at a later time."
The Howler grew still for a beat, before it burst into flame and silently fell into a pile of ashes in front of her.
Kagome had heard Howlers before. Quite a few had torn through the Great Hall only to unfurl in a frenzy and start in on the poor soul unfortunate enough to be on the receiving end with voices loud enough to be heard from each and every far corner of the Hall.
Somehow, though, it seemed far worse to receive hers – to watch as it calmly unfolded instead of ripping itself open, to listen to the quiet, even words passing through its paper lips instead of ear-ringing shouting, to hear the underlying disappointment in her parents' voices instead of anger as they scolded her.
To hear the impact of her actions so clearly in the strain of their thin, weary voices.
It was a small mercy that her parents weren't there in person to deliver their message – Kagome had no doubts that she'd be in tears if so.
"Hey…" A hand settled on Kagome's shoulder; her gaze fell to it, before sluggishly drifting along up to the face of its owner. "Are you okay?" Peter asked, kind in tone.
Kagome turned away, back to the small pile of smoking red paper, biting her trembling lip. Her parents' words rolled over in her mind on repeat, guilt weighing heavily on her heart.
She hated that she caused her parents such grief, hated that she brought her mum to near tears.
Eyes falling shut, she exhaled deep and slow to compose herself.
"No, not really…"
Kagome's Howler was not the only one to arrive at Hogwarts that Saturday.
The second came at night in the middle of dinner. Just like in the morning, the Great Hall gradually fell into a chilling hush that was punctuated with the occasional hoot as a jet black owl carrying a stark red envelope slipped through a window and soared over the tables of dining students below.
Instead this time it made a beeline for the table set against the wall opposite of where it entered, where black and yellow flags with badgers superimposed on either side hung above.
Just like with Crackers, the owl was a familiar one, the sight of it with a Howler in its claws even more so.
It was the very same bird that delivered Sirius' Howler the same day last year, only this time the recipient was a different, younger Black.
Kagome's eyes involuntarily snapped towards Sirius – she had sat away from him, her brother, and their friends that night, choosing instead to sit with Lily a few seats down the table – but his attention was elsewhere. Raised partway off the bench, Sirius was staring hard across the hall, worry wrinkling his brow and a white-knuckled grip locked on the table's edge in front of him.
Twisting around, Kagome watched with trepidation as the owl dived to drop the Howler before a blank-faced, ramrod straight Regulus.
In front of him, the Howler gave a violent shiver before he deftly reached over to open it – a shriek cut through the pregnant silence, sending a wave of winces to pass through the audience listening eagerly for what was surely to come.
"REGULUS ARCTURUS BLACK."
It was tiny and harder to see with the distance, but there was a flinch, the first crack in Regulus' façade as the Howler weaved into his face with sharp, angry jerks.
Lady Black was neither kind nor quiet as she started in on her youngest son, nor did she hold back; despite the tenuous hold Regulus had on his composure, it was crumbling and fast through it all.
"How dare you allow yourself to be Sorted into that House!" Lady Black seethed, and the disdain with which she referred to Hufflepuff drew insulted looks from the badgers sitting around closest to her youngest child. "Under no circumstance were you to be Sorted into any House other than what tradition demands! Your brother had already failed us in such a simple task once before; you knew very well that we expected better of you."
Regulus' next flinch was much more visible this time, and left him looking like his mother's very words had been a physical slap to the face. Even down the row where she sat, Kagome overheard Sirius cursing foully under his breath.
Her fingers dipped into her robes, curling around her wand.
For a second, however, Kagome hesitated, the spell faltering at the tip of her tongue.
Regulus would hate her even more, if she helped him out. He'd probably hate it even if they were still on good terms, prideful as he was.
"A Hufflepuff," scoffed the Lady Black, positively scathing. "You have brought embarrassment upon our name! You have brought dishonor upon our ancient and noble House! Do well to ensure you bring neither further upon us for there will be consequences should you dare."
The colour in Regulus' face drained entirely, eyes rounding as his thin throat bobbed in a noticeable swallow.
Still.
"Were it possible, I would march right into that school and demand they correct this grievous insult! I have half a mind to—"
A flash of green and Lady Black's voice mercifully cut off – the Howler froze, gave a wild shudder, and combusted early.
By the time Regulus composed himself to search out into the sea of students for where the spell came from, Kagome was already in the midst of eating once more, her wand set down on the table beside her drink.
Pride can be such a stupid thing, she furiously though, the strength of which she used to tear a bite out of her dinner roll and chew it a touch too vigorous.
She first felt the burning sensation of a familiar stare boring into the side of her face before that of a glare against the back of her head joined a few seconds later, but did not falter in eating her meal.
Good.
Better that than the tears she saw building in Regulus' eyes, the final crack in his hard-fought stoic façade.
Hates me anyways, what's a little more?
Still, her roll felt like clumpy ash as she swallowed it down, clinging to her throat and taking two tries before she was successful.
She did not expect to confronted about it so soon right after dinner, though.
Despite her determination to finish her plate, her appetite quickly waned not long after. In the end she excused herself to "turn in early" after a long day of serving her first of many detentions to come.
It wasn't totally a lie: it was just her luck that September 1st fell on a Friday, after all, and had to spend her Saturday to clear out some of the dust that had accumulated over the summer. The trophy room collected an insane amount of it; tomorrow, Professor McGonagall already had her scheduled to polish the silver in there next.
She was glad for the excuse in any case, and slipped her way out of the Great Hall.
Barely two steps from rounding the corner on her way back to the Gryffindor Tower, a voice coming from behind stopped her.
"Don't think just because you helped me out that I'll forgive you."
Kagome whirled around, eyes widening at the sight before her: Regulus, his curls an uncharacteristic, wild mess, jaw set, and teeth gritting as he glared up at her. "What—"
Regulus refused to let her speak. "I'm no fool," he said, scoffing. "Howlers do not combust spontaneously on their own, not to mention it seems that many remember the very same thing happening to my brother last year." Kagome's jaw clicked as she shut it, not knowing what to say, not that the first year was about to give her a chance to say it even if she did. "Let me make this very clear – there is nothing you can do that would incline me to forgive you, especially since this is all your fault."
Kagome stiffened, her eyes narrowing in on the first year talking down to her so brazenly.
"If you'd just—"
"Nuh-uh," Kagome interrupted as she stepped closer to Regulus, voice clipped. It did the trick, shutting him up – he stepped backwards, startled at her abrupt approach and intimidated by the look she was slating him with, not so much as a glare but a stone-faced stare.
She was done. Finished. She had no problem taking responsibility for her actions, her mistakes, and the consequences born of them.
She accepted her punishment for running off into the Forbidden Forest without protest; she listened to every word her parents had to say to her and bore it with shame and repentance, because she hurt and frightened them, and she would accept their punishment without a fight when it came; she acknowledged that she also crossed the line with Sirius, pushing him when he wasn't ready, and wouldn't hold the things he said to her out of anger against him, even though they hurt, because he was right.
But she didn't meddle with Regulus. She didn't talk to him with any kind of secret intent. All she did was try to comfort a young kid, a friend, when he was troubled by the pressures unfairly placed upon him by his parents.
She just wanted to make him feel better.
Be it her words or her mere presence, it had an influence on him – that, she couldn't deny. If they had never met, he would've been Sorted in Slytherin, that much was true.
But… that did not mean Hufflepuff was not where Regulus truly belonged.
"Let me make this one thing clear: do not foist the blame on me as if I alone had a hand in swaying the Hat," Kagome snapped, and though words began to ring in her head like a toll bell – Lie, Lie, Lie – she shut down that niggling, doubtful part of her mind for what she said next was certainly not a lie.
"The Hat decides a Sorting based upon not just a student's traits, but what they desire. If you didn't truly belong, it never would have even considered Sorting you into Hufflepuff in the first place."
Regulus was blinking fast – his whole body was trembling with the fury she could see so clearly displayed in the sharp, flinty grey of his eyes. "But it was you who put the idea into my head in the first place!" he insisted, hissing, and it struck her then, what he was really looking for: a reason, something, or someone else, to place the blame on.
Anything, anyone, but him.
Kagome lifted her chin, holding her head high; she may have put the idea of being in a House that he would truly belong in into Regulus' head, but it was some part of him, however big or small, that must have agreed and the Hat that determined which House it would be.
In this, they were both to blame.
"I did," Kagome then conceded, but she did not back down, "But I doubt a centuries-old hat is so easily swayed by simple, idle thoughts."
Regulus said nothing to that, perhaps unable to find a substantial argument, and they stood and stared across at one another at a standstill.
With a shuddering breath to steady herself, Kagome tried to reach Regulus with her words. "I understand your anger," she said, gentle in her tone, "Or rather, your fear. I understand why you'd put the blame on me."
Regulus barked out a small, sharp laugh. The sound was cutting. A mistiness had begun to settled over his eyes and at his sides, the hands he'd curled into fists shook with faint tremors. "You… you don't understand a thing."
Kagome's left eye twitched. "Then help me – does your disdain for Hufflepuff come from your pride?" she challenged, heavy implication weaving into her words next. "Or is it something else?"
Regulus stared back at her long and hard. "…I see no need to answer a question you already know it to."
"Then listen," Kagome implored, softening her following words, "I am sorry – I'm sorry that you didn't get Sorted into the house you wanted, that your parents reacted and treated you the way they did because of it. I didn't want that for you. But…" She trailed off, her head shaking, but when she raised her eyes to meet his gaze she looked him straight in the eye as resolve steeled her voice. "The Hat Sorted you into Hufflepuff for a reason. I won't be sorry for that, not if it means that's where you truly belong, where you will flourish."
Talking did little to mend what was broken between Kagome and Regulus – all he had to respond to her apology was a frustrated huff before he spun away and stalked back to his own downs, robes swishing at his heels with a snap – but at the very least, his endeavor to burn holes into the back of her head had ceased. Finally.
Kagome doubted there was much she could do for Regulus anyways, as determined as he seemed to hold a grudge against her, and if he was anywhere near as stubborn as his brother, he'd have his teeth sunk into it for a long time to come. Giving him time to cool down would likely be for the best.
…Which only left said brother to deal with.
But even as days passed well into the week, neither made a move to confront one another once and for all. As things began to settle and they adjusted to their new schedule and classes, passing it off as being too busy was becoming flimsy.
So much time had passed since their fight already that Kagome didn't really know how to broach the subject now – but she knew leaving it for too long would only make that worse, and she didn't want it to come to the point where this, ignoring and skirting around each other, became their new normal.
Gods, she missed Sirius. She missed her friends. The awkwardness that had mired itself into the atmosphere whenever she sat with them hurt like a physical ache deep in her chest. More often she found herself retreating to Lily and their dormmates during meals because every time she sat near the boys, the conversation became stilted and uncomfortable, the rift between Sirius and herself too much for the others to ignore.
It felt like she was losing four friends, not just one. Not only that, but even when she wasn't sitting with them it seemed things weren't going too well. She'd overheard more than once James whispering furiously to Sirius, and at times there was an underlying current of irritation whenever he spoke to either of them.
"When are you guys going to fix this?" seemed to be the constant unspoken question in her brother's eyes whenever they were together, and his imploring gaze had guilt building up and lodging itself in the base of her throat.
So much for keeping it between the two of us… she thought with no small amount of bitterness.
And so, for the first time that week she decided to spend the morning eating breakfast with the boys, half-listening to Remus and James talk as she considered what to do. Obviously she'd have to be the one to approach first, she mulled as she absently spooned cereal into her mouth, as Sirius seemed even less inclined to do it himself.
While the sting of his words had yet to pass, it had dulled. The more time she spent around Sirius stuck in the uneasy limbo they've found themselves in around one another, unable to laugh or even sit next to him, where they'd usually hug and nudge and practically drape over each other, the more she wished the fight never happened, that they'd make up already.
We're both too stubborn, Kagome wearily thought, even as the edges of her mouth curled. She rubbed her face with her free hand, shaking her head faintly. As it fell away from her eyes, her gaze focused ahead of her only to catch the subject of her thoughts staring right back at her.
The pair froze, their eyes widening in time.
Across the table Sirius opened his mouth but no words came, leaving a very faint trail of pink to spread across his cheeks the longer he struggled – Kagome felt her lips twitch despite herself, despite the awkward tension threatening to swallow her nerves, despite her heart taking on a quick, rabbiting pace, and she managed to offer Sirius a small smile before returning back to her breakfast.
Maybe…
Kagome felt her smile stretching and she ducked her head down lower, scooping another spoonful of cereal into her mouth to hide it.
Maybe she was wrong… Maybe Sirius wanted to fix things just as much as she did…
She was about to take another peek up at him, to check if he was still staring, when something down the Hall caught her eye instead, drawing her attention over to the entrance.
The spoon slipped from Kagome's fingers, dropping to the table with a loud clatter and cutting Remus off mid-word.
The four boys turned to see Kagome's mouth had gone slack, but before they could even get a word out she'd shot off the bench seat and high-tailed it to the doors. Their shocked exclamations of her name broke off at the sight of Hagrid standing awkwardly in the Great Hall's entrance, a wrapped bundle of cream fur that looked absurdly tiny as he gently cradled it in his large palms.
Kirara.
Kagome skidded to a stop as she neared Hagrid, eyes wide in alarm. "I – she – you," she stammered, and brought up a watery gaze to meet Hagrid's. "You found her?" The whisper was fragile, steeped in timid hope. When Hagrid nodded eagerly, Kagome gave disbelieving, happy laugh. "Where? Is she alright?"
Hagrid's smile was a soft, wobbly one. "She's a tough lil' one. Be jus' fine, don't ya worry. Found her sleepin' it off on my doorstep this mornin' so I took the liberty to clean her up."
Kagome breathed out a heavy sigh of relief. "I'm glad," she murmured, "It's been a few days since… I'd started to worry."
Hagrid hummed. Stretching his arms out, he offered her the sleeping bundle. "She has a few cuts here and there but nothin' serious. I wrapped them up with some salve so she'll heal up in no time!"
Kagome took Kirara with a careful sort of touch. Bringing the feline to her chest, she heard Kirara give a snuff before curling tighter in her arms, a barely audible purr rumbling from her tiny body. Looking up, Kagome caught the half-giant's gaze and held it firmly, putting in all her sincerity as she told him, "Thank you, Hagrid."
Hagrid ducked his head, a bashful look flitting crossing his face. "Aw, it's nothin'," he said, waving her off, "Jus' glad I could help." Quieter, Hagrid cast a visibly anxious look about them before he shuffled closer and added, "It'd be good if you bring her back 'round, y'know, for a change of plasters. Jus' so we're sure there's no chance of infection."
Immediately, Kagome nodded. She was sure Kirara would heal just fine, and no doubt Hagrid knew it too – but it seemed he wanted to talk to her about something. In private.
A look of relief broke out on Hagrid's face. "Maybe tomorrow? After classes o' course."
"I'll see you there." Casting a look behind her, she saw the boys giving her curious looks. "Mind if they tag along?"
To her surprise though Hagrid shook his head. He looked a little uncomfortable as he began to fidget. "Actually… better if they don't." Suddenly, his face lit up. "Ah! That's right, yer wit' me for detentions this weekend, so you can jus' bring her along then!"
After Kagome nodded her agreement Hagrid left with a parting coo for Kirara to take care and Kagome decided to follow suit. As much as she wanted to talk to Kirara, the little nekomata looked beat and she had classes all day anyway so she decided to make a quick run back to the tower and leave her to rest in her bed.
It pained Kagome to leave Kirara there, her fingers reluctant to stop their gentle ministrations of tracing over along her cheeks and up the bridge of her nose. But soon the time came where if she lingered any longer she'd end up being late to the first class of the day, and she had no desire to extend her detentions any longer than they already were.
"I'm so glad you're back," Kagome whispered, her eyes beginning to tear up. Sniffling, she pressed a feather-light kiss on the top of the diamond on Kirara's forehead. "Thank you," she murmured. For protecting the students, for protecting her.
Curled up on her pillow, Kirara rumbled out a throaty purr.
With a hastily smothered laugh so she wouldn't disturb the resting feline, Kagome shook her head and took her leave, making a mental note to borrow her brother's cloak later that evening.
She had a kitchen to sneak into later on.
Evening found Kagome in the Common Room, sitting alone in the nook and staring out the window with Kirara curled up in her lap, well rested and tummy full of the mackerel she managed to beg off from the kitchen elves.
It had taken a long while before they were finally left alone. As soon as they saw Kirara was up and about, her brother and friends crowded around to check on the feline who was happy to lap up all the affection and attention given to her. It also gave Kagome the opportunity to sneak down into the kitchens for the fish.
But now it was edging closer to the time to turn in for the night. Lily had already headed upstairs, as did many of the other Gryffindors in the tower, leaving only a select few to linger around the Common Room.
It was the perfect time to finally ask Kirara the questions that had been turning around her head all day.
"Hey, Kirara," she murmured, making sure to keep her voice low. As she gave the nekomata a long scratch under her chin, Kirara let out a lazy meow and cracked her eyes open. A smile flickered on her face for a moment, only to be chased away by the severity of the topic she was about to broach. "What happened last week, in the forest? Who were you chasing?"
With a languid blink of her orange eyes up at Kagome, Kirara lifted her head and surveyed the room, as if she was searching for something…. or rather, someone.
Across the Common Room sitting on the sofa facing the fireplace were the boys doing some last minute homework, and Kirara had her sight settled on the back of one head in particular.
Her head slowly beginning to shake, Kagome's eyebrows drew together. "Remus?" she mouthed silently, trying to puzzle out what Kirara could mean. That made… absolutely no sense.
Kirara shook her head before she gave the room another searching look. She rose to her paws after a moment and finally turned to the window to peer out before giving a small, decisive meow.
Following her gaze, Kagome looked out the window. Up high in the night sky hung the moon, albeit shrouded by clouds slowly rolling by. The moon?" she murmured, not quite grasping what her friend was trying to convey. "What does—"
Kagome broke off, freezing; above, a break in the cloud bank reveal the moon shining in all its glory, almost in its last quarter phase. Her eyes went wide.
Moon. Remus. Dumbledore asking if she was attacked, if she saw anyone other than the centaurs. McGongall's insistence on whether she'd been hurt.
Her back hit the frame of her chair, the puzzle pieces clicking into place, the breath fleeing her in one single heavy exhale.
"Werewolf?" she whispered as she continued to stare out the window, nearly inaudible. Something icy snaked around her heart; Kagome swallowed thickly.
Kirara heard her nonetheless, but instead of nodding she tipped her head before lifting a paw.
Three times she tapped against Kagome's hand, the fingers of which curling to clench at her skirt.
"Wolves," she amended, gasping. "There were—" Bloody hell. Her eyes searched Kirara's, stricken. "By the boundary?" And the Professors knew? Or suspected at least – they had to; why else would they practically interrogate her upon discovering her injury? One thing, however, did not make sense. "But why would there be we…"
Kagome trailed off, paling.
Voldemort.
The icy tendrils around her heart began to squeeze, the heavy beat of her pulse rising to a roar in her ears. Darkness edged around her eyes, sluggishly flooding her vision.
"Well, firstly, he wants to build up his army again."
Kagome lurched; her hand shot out, catching the edge of the table just in time, gripping it so she wouldn't topple. Words slithered in her mind, unbidden and uncomfortable, twisting her face into a grimace.
"In the old days he had huge numbers at his command: witches and wizards he'd bullied or bewitched into following him, his faithful Death Eaters, a great variety of Dark creatures." It took her a moment to place it, to realize the voice speaking in her head, calling forth an echo of familiarity, was none other than Sirius': it was older and ragged, possessing an angry edge, evidence of the toll the years had taken on him, but nonetheless, Sirius. "You heard him planning to recruit the giants; well, they'll just be one of the many groups he's after."
Dark creatures…
Sirius' words repeated in Kagome's mind as she sunk heavily into her chair.
Werewolves.
Invisible clammy fingers slithered over her throat, which bobbed as she swallowed with difficulty.
Could it be? So soon?
A shuddering breath passed through Kagome's lips, her fingers trembling where they grasped at her skirt and the table's edge respectively with a white-knuckled grip.
Is… is he already recruiting? she wondered, before a more plaintive thought followed up.
I thought I had more time.
A gentle touch against the back of her hand drew Kagome's attention to her lap, where Kirara stared up at her with eyes full of concern. She tried for a smile and knew she failed miserably when Kirara offered a tiny, sympathetic lick against her hand.
It comforted her if only briefly, her thoughts quickly drawn back to the situation at hand as one question in particular burned in her mind.
But why send werewolves to Hogwarts at all?
Kagome's gaze drifted back down to Kirara, who was still staring up at her, watching patiently, and she couldn't help but wonder…
What would've happened, had Kirara not been there? If she had not ran into the Forbidden Forest to chase the werewolves off away from the steady stream of students being ferried through the gates?
September 1st fell just a few days shy after the full moon had come to pass – too late to turn someone, if that was their intent. Three untransformed werewolves didn't seem like enough for an attack, or rather, a successful one.
Kidnapping wasn't completely out of the realm of possibilities, but… The centaurs knew they were there, yet weren't too concerned. Dumbledore and McGonagall knew as well, possibly because of them…
But…
It occurred to her then that the Forbidden Forest was home to all kinds of creatures – if it wasn't for Kirara or that little quasi-flashback of hers earlier, Kagome would have never connected their presence to Voldemort in the first place.
For all anyone knew, the werewolves were just there because of the recent full moon… because they needed a safe place to transform and rest up after.
But… that didn't explain why they were lingering by the road, just outside the castle walls – why Kirara felt threatened enough to chase them off.
With a soft groan, Kagome massaged her brow; she was beginning to get a headache.
"Kagome? Are you alright?"
Whirling around, which, wow, was such a terrible idea in retrospect, Kagome tightened her grip on the table before she swayed right off out of her chair. Glancing up, she saw her brother staring back at her in worry. "James!" she exclaimed, though it came out more like a croak than the happy greeting she was aiming for. Hastily, she cleared her throat. "Sorry, I was just," she waved a hand in the air, randomly gesturing, before his furrowed brow and increasingly worried stare got to her and she lamely finished with, "Daydreaming."
With a brisk shake of his head, James dropped into the seat across from her. "You, dear sister of mine, are out of it" he said with all the endearing fondness of a sibling. Leaning against the table, he set an elbow down and propped his chin into his hand. "Have been, actually." He lowered his voice, softening his tone as he kindly suggested, "Maybe you should head upstairs and turn in early."
Kagome only barely held back a snort. After tonight, after the events in the past week, she wasn't going to get any more sleep than she had been in the last few days. "Don't worry about me, Jamesie," she said with a small smile, though it was strained.
James hummed but wasn't convinced. Leaning closer, he asked under his breath, "Is it about Sirius?"
A denial was already prepared on the tip of her tongue when Kagome paused to take in her twin's expression more closely. There was genuine worry there as he waited patiently, but it was offset by the tightness in the edges of his lips, in the disappointed gleam already forming in his gaze.
He wasn't expecting her to answer openly, she realized with a pang deep in her chest. Regret, she belatedly realized for what it was, mixed with shame. After all, she'd been avoiding it ever since their fight took place.
And yet, he still asked.
"It's a lot of things," Kagome found herself confessing, hating herself a little at the surprised look James returned to her for it. "That's the problem. I'm just… stressed, a little." Kagome smiled ruefully at the skeptical look she received for that and conceded, "Maybe… more than a little. Helps that Kirara is back now, though."
"It's Kirara," James boasted, grinning now. "Of course she'd be fine. But… I gotta agree. I missed the furry little bugger," he admitted, only to laugh when it roused a tiny growl from the nekomata. "Kidding, I'm kidding! You know I love you, Kirara!"
Kirara sniffed and curled back into Kagome's lap, pointedly turning her back to James.
Her brother snickered. "You know," he said once he'd calmed down, the laughter fading from his face. James peered at her, adopting a suggestive tone. "Might help even more if things between you and Sirius were patched up."
Kagome's lips twitched. Her brother was persistent, she'd give him that.
"I've been thinking about it," she admitted, much to his obvious delight. James sat up straight in his seat, his mouth dropping open for a beat before a dopey grin took its place.
"Really?!"
Mutely, Kagome nodded. It hurt her to seem him so excited, as it only underscored the burden her falling out with Sirius had weighed on him.
James sank into his chair, nearly sliding off the edge in his relief. "Finally, thank Merlin…" he was muttering under his breath.
"I wouldn't go thanking Merlin just yet," she warned with a roll of her eyes. "He's been just as unwilling to talk to me. Who knows how it'll go."
James scoffed, waving off her concerns, and Kagome narrowed her eyes at his confidence. His gaze slid to the side and she watched with growing suspicion when the corner of his lips gave way to a smirking curl. "I doubt that's gonna be a problem now."
Twisting around, Kagome followed his stare to find Sirius walking up to them. His approach was hesitant, his grey gaze searching hers, and Kagome couldn't help her surprise. Her mouth parted slightly, forgetting her half-formed reply to her twin as Sirius came to a stop right before her.
"Can we talk?"
Kagome blinked. With a meaningful look from Sirius, James' chair elicited a dull screech as he pushed it back from the table and stood. "Well, I know when I'm not wanted," he announced, sounding way too cheery to be put out. "Night, night, guys!"
Even Kirara, who'd cracked an eye open at Sirius' voice, rose to her paws and lithely jumped off Kagome's lap to follow James' lead.
"Night…" she faintly echoed, her voice finally coming back to her, and it was as she watched her twin jog up the stairs with Kirara at his heels that she realized the Common Room had emptied out during her talk with James.
Kagome peeked over at Sirius, wondering. Did he plan for this? Waiting until they were alone?
Sirius dragged his gaze to meet Kagome's. Awkward silence settled between them as they stared back at one another.
Kagome licked her lips, suddenly finding them dry, and her heart gave a nervous flutter in her chest as she finally greeted Sirius for the first time in almost two weeks.
"Hi."
Sirius swallowed softly, nodding his head at her. "Hi."
Not the greatest start, but still, it was progress. The awkward silence threatened to return when neither said anything further though, until Sirius suddenly shuffled forward to take the seat James had so graciously vacated.
Kagome couldn't help but feel that the space of the table between them was as vast as a canyon. Her eyes drifted to the surface's wooden grooves, fingers toying with the edges of her robe sleeves, only to snap back up when Sirius cleared his throat.
"Right," he muttered, chuckling uneasily as he peeked at her. "I… I'm glad you got Kirara back, safe and sound," he finally said. Softer, he added, "I know you were… pretty worried about her."
It wasn't what she expected him to say, but, it had her relaxing nonetheless; she could tell he really meant it. "I was," she murmured, offering a tiny smile, "Thank you."
Sirius nodded, mostly to himself it seemed.
Kagome took a deep breath. "Sirius—"
"Kagome, I'm sorry," Sirius said at the same time, followed by an apologetic look for interrupting even as he forged on ahead, nervous jitters threaded into his voice. "I never should have said those things to you. I was an arse."
The fingers toying with the hem of her sleeve stilled for a brief moment, before curling to grip the fabric tightly.
"You weren't wrong though," Kagome softly replied. Sirius went to argue but stopped short when she met his eyes without hesitation. A fire burned inside them, one that had Sirius' visibly stiffening, at a loss for words. "Regulus would've been in Slytherin, not Hufflepuff, had I not met him." She scoffed at herself, the sound derisive. "He even said it himself."
But I changed the future – wasn't that what I wanted?
It was. It is. Even if it wasn't her intention to do so, to change that particular event… For all the guilt she felt, it in no way compared to the hope that maybe now, just maybe, the tragic end fated for Regulus in the future that she foresaw from Harry's memories could be avoided.
The sight of Regulus, however, the anger and accusation clear in his face and the fear that wasn't quite so clear, carefully tucked away like a shameful secret meant to be hoarded in the dark instead of the open… made that hope sit bitter in the bottom of her belly.
Across from her, Sirius ducked his head, scuffing his feet beneath the table. Peeking up at her, he shot her a guilty looking half-smile. "It's probably bad of me, to think that's not a bad thing though."
"I still meddled," Kagome insisted, "With him. And with you. And now your parents are seriously upset at Regulus. I'm sorry, Sirius."
The mention of his parents had Sirius scowling. "Maybe that's a good thing, too…" he said, muttering.
Kagome's brows furrowed at that, but she decided against prying. Doing so before was what had gotten her into this row in the first place, after all. That still did not stop her from speaking up to say one thing, however. "Your brother doesn't feel the same," she softly pointed out.
Sirius fell quiet. "Even so," he said after a moment of shamefaced silence, putting the subject aside. "The stuff I said at your house, I didn't mean it."
Kagome sighed, tired. "Sirius…" she said, before trailing off, shaking her head as she let out a self-deprecating laugh. "You wouldn't have said it, if some part of you hadn't meant it." She tipped her head in Sirius' direction, peering at him through half-lidded eyes, trying to ignore the hurt stirring within her chest as she recalled the words he'd spat at her two weeks ago. "And I get it. You were right. I… I do act like I boss you guys around. I am nosy, a lot of the times. I meddle."
Kagome turned her gaze away, forcing herself to stare ahead out through the window, away from Sirius and his expression, which was growing more distressed with every word she was saying. "Don't… don't apologize for telling me how you really feel, Sirius, or hide it because you're afraid of hurting my feelings."
Pushing away from the table, Kagome rose to her feet, deciding James was right earlier – she should turn in and get some rest. Her headache from earlier, which had lessened to a manageable dull throb, was now beginning to worsen.
"I was wrong."
She was halfway out of her chair when Sirius stopped her not with his words but through the raw regret that laden his voice, through the undisguised shame that had it sounding rough and throaty. "And I was mean."
A beat of heavy silence passed, before he whispered his last admission: a confession.
"And I was jealous."
Slowly, Kagome lifted her head, her eyes having gone wide and round, her brows knitting together once more.
Sirius still sat in the seat he'd dropped into earlier, fists curled tightly against his legs, pressed firm against his knees, but he was staring right back up at her, his face a picture of grief, of self-loathing, as he pleaded without words for her to stay, to listen, and to believe him.
"You were right," he stressed, imploring, "I've been having problems with my parents ever since I first began to disagree with their… their pureblood mania. But when I became Sorted into Gryffindor last year, when I tried to write my brother and he never wrote back?"
Bewildered, Kagome nodded for him to continue.
"It's because they got to him." A shuddering exhale tore its way through Sirius, his grey eyes shuttering. "They must've. I don't – I don't know what they did, or what they said, but now it's like… Reggie's become a—a carbon copy of them."
His jaw clenched as he gritted his teeth, before at last words begun to spill forth in an angry rush, held back and shoved away for far too long.
"He's been sprouting the same rubbish they have, agreeing and listening and hanging onto every word they say like it's from Merlin himself! Ever since I came back from school, things between my brother and I haven't been the same!" His fists began shaking as he clenched them even further, his breaths becoming ragged, fraught with tumultuous emotion she could see churning within him by the frenzied energy he was practically vibrating with. "The minute I got home last summer and tried to talk to him, he brushed me off. Dismissed me. He wouldn't even let me hug him; the look he gave me was just… cold."
Shakily, Sirius looked back up at Kagome, hurt naked in his watery gaze. "He looked like—" His breath hitched. "Like I betrayed him or something, Kagome."
"Oh, Sirius…" she breathed out, hurting for him. A trembling hand rose to cover her mouth. Nothing could describe the dismay Kagome felt for Sirius in that moment, or the fury, or the absolute crippling sadness.
Sirius dragged in a couple shaking breaths in an attempt to calm himself; when he continued to speak, his voice was quieter, smaller, but held an intensity that burned steady. "I jumped at every chance to get out of that house. I couldn't stand it: my father's disappointed glares, my mother's biting remarks, and now my brother's stony silence?" He shook his head fervently. "I didn't want to spend any more time there than I had to, and…" He faltered, his shoulders hunching in on themselves, "And I guess they felt the same because they let me. Pushed me at times, it felt like. They didn't want me there any more than I wanted either, I guess."
Abruptly, Sirius began shaking his head once again. "But that doesn't matter—"
"Of course that matters, Sirius!" Kagome fiercely interrupted.
Sirius stopped her before she could go off. "No, it doesn't, because this is about us and the stupid things I said to you, about you." When Kagome opened her mouth to argue he held up a hand, an unspoken plea to let him finish. "I didn't want to talk about it, didn't even want to think about it, it just made me so angry that my parents did this, that Regulus would just… change like that."
There was another shuddering breath, like he was preparing for what he was about to say, needing it to steel himself and come out with it. "I was angry that despite all my attempts to keep it from you guys, you just saw right through it. Like it was all for nothing." Ashamed, Kagome had to look away. "That I can never hide things from you."
Because of my unnatural advantage of knowing the future, Kagome despondently thought, guilt eating at her.
"I was angry at you," Sirius breathed out, his lips trembling. "For just knowing, and pushing, and… and because I was jealous of you and James." Kagome jerked, her head snapping up to stare. Sirius held her stare for a moment, before it became too much for him bear and he had to look away. "Jealous… that you two are so close when Regulus and I were…" He cut himself off, jaw clenching, before he drew in a ragged breath through his nose and forced himself to continue. "And I hate myself for it, because you two are my best friends and I shouldn't feel like that."
Sirius looked close to tears again, and Kagome couldn't think of a single thing to say or do. She had no idea – not just about what he was dealing with his family, but that he was struggling with himself over what he was feeling about herself and James.
"But once I started I just couldn't stop." Sirius swallowed roughly, his voice now a fragile whisper, "I just wanted you to, to drop it… so I said things I knew would hurt you. I'm so sorry Kagome, I really am, please forgive—"
A chair scraping against stone cut him off; Sirius looked up and over just in time to see a head of dark hair rushing towards him before crashing into his torso.
Sirius flailed, catching himself only barely by grabbing for the table before Kagome could bowl him over; arms wrapped around his torso, Kagome burying her face into the curve of his neck. His mouth flapped uselessly, releasing a shuddering exhale at the dampness pressing against his bare skin once he realized it for what it was.
"I'm sorry," Kagome cried softly below his ear, hands coming together to bunch up the fabric of his jumper between his shoulder blades. "I didn't know you were going through so much, I was just so worried Sirius, I knew something was really bothering you and I just – I hated seeing you like that!"
Sniffling, Sirius began to blink fast to ward off the tears building up in his eyes, before he gave up and let them fall. With trembling arms, he wrapped them around Kagome and returned her embrace. "I'm not used to talking to people about this stuff," he confessed. "About my family."
Sirius felt Kagome nod into the crook of his neck, burying her face further against him. "I should have been more considerate," she admitted, voice muffled, and after giving a big sniffle, she pulled back to look at him with wet, apologetic eyes and a blotchy red face. "I should have waited until you were ready."
Sirius hands instinctively curled to grip Kagome's robes, not wanting to let her go so soon, not after going so long without this, the little touches of affections and the hugs that he hadn't realized she'd always been so free to give until he'd lost them.
Sirius' head gave a fitful shake. "I dunno if I ever would've been," he murmured. "Ready, that is. So… maybe I needed someone to force it out of me. A part of me is glad it was you, at least."
He let out a rueful laugh. "Feel better that it's out, now that I think about it – that I'm not hiding anymore. So, yeah, of course I forgive you for being so pushy," he said, and though it was teasing there was also a careful edge to it, as if he wasn't sure if it was okay yet, and when her lips twitched from trying to contain her grin, Sirius finally relaxed and softly murmured, "Worked out for me in the end, after all."
The relief didn't last long, though, as tension slowly began to slip back into the way he was holding himself, his gaze expectant as he peered up at her and waited.
Rolling her eyes, Kagome pulled the boy back into a tight, reassuring hug. "Of course I forgive you too!" And just like that, the stiffness in Sirius' body ebbed. "I really hated fighting with you, you know."
"Yeah, it really sucked." Sirius gave a weak chuckle, resting his head against hers. "Pretty sure James was gonna snap if we waited any longer to make up."
"Not just that," Kagome murmured, though it did elicit a snort – their friends, bless them, were patient but even she could see that James was beginning to contemplate drastic measures; truthfully, she'd be surprised if he hadn't already concocted some convoluted plan to lock them up in a broom closet to force them to work things out once and for all.
Quieter, she said, "I missed you, Sirius."
Kagome listened to Sirius' breathing, to how it hitched, pausing for long moment before releasing with a soft, little, "Oh." The two arms still twined around her waist swept up across her back to pull her in even closer, their grip snug and fierce.
When Sirius finally managed to speak, he did so with a voice thick with emotion.
"I missed you too."
so like i'm not gonna lie, this chapter was an absolute beast to put out but i kind of love it? the drama, the angst, but most of all the sibling moments and the end!
also tbh god am i glad things are back to normal b/w kagome and sirius lolol. now there's just regulus, tiny lil badger ball of rage that he is, but, well, that one's gonna take a while. poor kid's just confused tho and needs to figure some things out…
but now! time skips! or, well, kinda? i don't wanna dwell too much on the second and third years, like I did with the first year? but at the same time i don't wanna rush it t.t so if i could maybe knock out second yr in like four more chapters? that would be great? maybe third year in six? ooo end domino effect on a nice even number of forty chapters before going onto the second part
we'll see lolol as if i've ever written within the limits i've placed on myself
in any case! check out my blog to see a couple of answered asks/post in the de tag since the last update, as well as a lil treat from sweetlessly aka really cute art with snape, lily, and an adorable regulus and hufflepuff colors!
'til next time guys!
rainlily
