Well guys, here it is. The actual last chapter of "Love Lives On." The thirtieth update will be an epilogue for you lovely readers. I really hope you enjoy this. I figured it would be cute and sort of cheesy to end it how it all began. Thank you guys so much for all of the love and feedback. I'm so happy so many of you seemed to really love this story.
I do think I tied up all of the loose ends that I had out there, and I do apologize for any mistakes. If you catch something story related or have anything specific you would like to see in the epilogue, let me know and I will try to include it for you. Let me know what you think! Enjoy!
***"Sober" update is coming soon - by Saturday at the latest. :)
Disclaimer: I do not own or have any affiliation with Chicago PD, its characters, writers, cast or crew.
XXX
Officer Brennan had ended up escorting us back to Lynn's house to retrieve Gracie's things. By the time we arrive home it's nearly eight in the morning. I call Hank to let him know what's going on and he tells me he will drop Jessie off shortly so that neither Jay nor I have to drive on such little sleep. Jay picks up Gracie, still passed out, and carries her while I grab the few bags from the backseat. We make our way inside the building and take the elevator up to our apartment.
I lead the way inside closing the door behind Jay and he heads down the hallway to the bedroom the girls had been sharing. He sets Gracie down on the bottom bunk bed and tucks her in under the covers while I set her bags down on the floor. I walk over to him as he stands in front of the bed and I lean down to kiss the sleeping little girl on her forehead. She doesn't stir a bit, and Jay and I retreat back out into the living room, both yawning heavily. Jay sinks down on his back at one end of the couch and holds a hand out towards me. I take it and he pulls me down to lie on top of him.
"Hank will be here soon," I mumble into Jay's neck. One of his hands is playing in my hair and the other is dancing along my lower back.
"I know," he tells me. I feel his warm breath on my forehead, and then his lips kiss my skin.
I cuddle further into his arms, inhaling the smell of him, and take a deep breath. "We're really doing this, right?"
Jay squeezes me against him and tightens his arms around me. "I think we are."
I pull my head back just an inch to meet his eyes. "I really want to. I know it's kinda sudden and it's crazy with everything else that we've got going on, but –"
He kisses me then, shutting me up, and I waste no time in pushing my lips back against his. I move one hand to grip the back of his neck while the other grips his t-shirt in a clenched fist. His lips graze mine for only another single moment before I hear the ringtone of my phone.
I peck his lips one final time before I pull myself away. I lean over his middle and reach for my phone sitting on the coffee table. I glance at the screen for a second and bring the phone to my ear.
"Hi Hank," I say.
"Hey, kid. We're here now. We'll see you in a few," he tells me.
"Okay. See ya," I say before ending the call. I drop the phone back down to the coffee table and turn back to face Jay. "He's on his way up with Jess."
Jay nods, then leans forward and kisses me once more at the corner of my mouth. He keeps a light hold on me so I don't fall onto the floor as he sits up on the couch. As I move from his lap I hear a soft knock against the door.
"I'll check on Gracie," Jay says and I smile at him as he stands from the couch. He heads down the hallway as I stand on my feet and make my way to the foyer, peering through the peephole.
I pull the door open and smile at Hank and a barely awake Jessie in his arms.
"Hi my girl," I say quietly as I step forward. She reaches for me and I take her from Hank, settling her against my hip. She drops her head to my shoulder and her eyes drift closed. I tighten my arms around her and drop a kiss to her mess of curls.
"Too much sugar last night?" I ask, looking back up at Hank with a teasing smile.
He shrugs his shoulders. "How's Gracie?"
"She's okay. Jay's checking on her now," I tell him.
Hank nods. "Well, the four of you get some sleep. I'll give you and Jay the rest of the week to figure out what's next, alright?"
"Actually, we kind of already decided on that," I tell him, swallowing nervously.
"And what did you decide?" He asks me.
I take a deep breath before blowing it out shakily through my parted lips. "Jay and I want to adopt Gracie."
Hank nods and his face remains stoic as he looks at me, but it makes my nerves intensify.
"Aren't you gonna say anything?" I ask him.
"If I didn't think it was a good idea do you really think I would stay quiet about it?" He asks me.
I smile then and Hank takes a step forward. He pulls me and Jessie into his wide open arms, hugging us both to him.
"I love you, kid. I just want whatever will make you happiest," he tells me.
I squeeze him around the waist and nod against his shoulder, feeling tears in my eyes.
"I love that little girl like she's my own, Hank. Like she's always been mine," I say to him when we end our embrace.
"I know. Which is why I know you and Jay and the girls will be alright," he says.
I feel the smile on my face widen in my cheeks and I nod my head at him. I hear footsteps behind me a moment later and turn to see Jay.
"Gracie still sleeping?" I ask him as he and Hank exchange a quick handshake.
Jay nods at me. "Out cold. Jess?"
"Same," I tell him.
"I'm gonna head out. Get over to the district. Do what I said; take the rest of the week. Get settled," Hank says looking at me.
Jay and I say our goodbyes to Hank, and then he's out the door.
I turn to look at Jay then. He's smiling at me and he points over his shoulder. "I put Gracie in our bed. Figured a cuddle session would be a good idea."
I nod my head and he leads me into our bedroom. Gracie is still sleeping soundly, sprawled out in the middle of the mattress. Jay and I settle into bed on either side of her and I keep a hold of Jessie as she lies on top of me.
A few moments pass in silence as I run a hand over Jessie's back and clutch one of Gracie's in my other.
"This feels right," I whisper, knowing Jay is still awake. I can feel his eyes on me.
I turn my head to look at him, and sure enough his eyes meet mine. He smiles that stupid grin of his and it makes me smile instantly.
"It feels kinda perfect actually," I tell him then.
Jay nods and pulls the blankets up over the four of us, and then rests on his side facing me. He brings up his left arm to reach across the pillows and sets his hand in my hair.
"I love you," he says to me, his eyes still on mine.
"I love you too," I tell him.
I feel his fingers move through my hair and it's the last I remember before I fall asleep.
Three months later...
Jay and I have just spent the last hour with an attorney. Johanna Patrick had gone ahead with the paperwork for immediate placement and started the process for us to adopt Gracie. Once Jay and I had done what we had to on our end and the paperwork was sent through, I sent a not so anonymous tip to the director of the DCFS. A week after, I found out Johanna had voluntarily resigned from the department.
We finally get back home a little after four in the afternoon in the middle of the week and I can't stop smiling because Gracie is ours. The adoption process is finally over and Gracie is officially part of our family, though she already has been for quite a while now. I feel Jay's hand in mine as we take the elevator to our floor and I look up at him, still smiling.
"You happy or something?" He teases.
I nod my head, feeling my smile grow bigger on my face and I squeeze his hand real quick before dropping it. I pull him towards me, looping my arms around his shoulders and he moves his arms around my waist.
"I am so happy," I tell him.
I lean forward on my feet and capture his lips with mine, kissing him hard. His arms tighten around me and he kisses me back just the same. The dinging elevator brings us out of our haze. We pull away and step out of the car and onto our floor. Kim and Adam had been watching the girls while Jay and I had gone to meet with the lawyer. When I push open the door to our apartment I'm met with the wonderful sound of giggling and a complaining Ruzek.
As soon as Jessie spots me from the living room she's on her feet and running towards me. Gracie stays cuddled into the couch between Kim and Adam.
"Uncle Adam has to take us to the park on the weekend!" Jessie tells me. She's grinning from ear to ear as I lean down to lift her into my arms.
"What did you con him into this time?" Jay asks from beside me.
"Daddy, he made fun of Dora. You don't do that," Jessie said shaking her head at him.
I throw my head back and laugh, catching sight of the roll of Jay's eyes. I carry Jessie back to the living room and she squirms out of my arms and runs to the couch.
"Can you move over please? I wanna sit next to Gracie," Jessie says to Ruzek as she stands in front of him.
"Only because you said please," Adam teases her, scooching down the couch. Jessie climbs up onto the couch then and sits beside Gracie.
I watch on completely amused and as Jay stands beside me I notice he raises his eyebrows at Adam.
"What?" Adam asks, throwing his hands into the air.
Jay points a finger at him. "Be nice to my kids. They're going to be visiting you in your old age home one day."
I'm laughing again, and then I'm back to smiling like an idiot when I realize just what Jay had said exactly. My kids.
Kim must have caught it as well because I notice her eyes bug out and a huge smile comes over her face. "So, everything is official then?"
I nod my head at her, still smiling. "Finalized today. For both of them."
Kim squeals, and then she's up on her feet and pulling Jay and I into a tight hug against her.
"Congratulations! Oh, I'm so happy for you guys," she tells us before she releases us.
"Thank you," Jay says to her.
"Yes, and thank you for watching them so we could meet the lawyer," I say, glancing between her and Adam.
"No problem. We mostly had fun up until I got chewed out by a five year old over a cartoon character," Adam says standing from the couch.
"You shouldn't have called her stupid," I hear Jessie mutter from the couch.
"Okay then. Kim, Ruzek; we'll see ya tomorrow. Thanks again for watching the girls," Jay says then, clapping his hands together.
We all say our goodbyes to Burgess and Ruzek, and then I walk them to the door.
"She's five years old and she's got that much sass? She's most definitely your kid, Erin," Adam teases, winking at me.
I shake my head at him and hold the door open. "Bye guys. See you tomorrow."
Once they're gone I head back into the living room and see Jay sitting on the coffee table. I catch his eye and he nods towards Gracie. I nod back and walk over to him, taking a seat beside him.
"Hey Gracie, Jay and I have something we need to talk to you about," I say to her, leaning forward with my elbows on my knees. Jessie sits beside her and keeps quiet to listen.
"Am I in trouble?" Gracie asks, a bit of worry in her tone.
I offer a small smile and shake my head. "No baby, you're not in trouble. We just have to talk to you. We were kinda wondering if maybe you'd like to stay here with us for a while. Would that be okay with you?"
Gracie's eyebrows knit together and she glances between Jay and I. "I would live here with you?"
I smile and nod my head.
"Like forever?" Gracie asks.
"Would that be okay with you?" Jay asks then, leaning forward as well.
Gracie shakes her head up and down quickly, a wide grin spreading over her cheeks. "Yeah, I like being here with you guys."
"We like having you here. Come here," I say to her. I lean forward on my elbows and reach my hands out to Gracie. She grabs onto them, and then I pull her gently from the couch and into my arms to hug her tightly against my chest.
"We love you, Gracie. We love you so much," I tell her.
"Love you, too," she mumbles into my neck. I feel her little arms tighten around my shoulders and Jay leans over from beside me to kiss the top of Gracie's head.
I watch as Jessie slides down from the couch and she climbs up into Jay's lap. "What about me? You love me too, right?"
I smile and Jay laughs. I release Gracie from my arms, but keep her hands in mine. Jay sets Jessie in his lap and wraps his arms around her from behind, grabbing onto her hands. He leans over Jessie's shoulder and blows several raspberries to her cheek and she giggles.
"Of course we love you, too. How could anyone not love you?" Jay tells Jessie.
Once she stops giggling Jessie turns her head and looks up at Jay. "Does this mean Gracie is my sister now?"
Jay looks over at me and the two of us share a smile before he looks back down at Jessie. "Yeah, it does. Is that okay with you, Little J?"
"It is very okay. I really didn't wanna wait for a baby. It's too long of a time daddy," Jessie says with an eye roll.
I laugh and look between the girls. "You girls hungry?"
Gracie shrugs her shoulders seeming indifferent while Jessie gives a short nod of her head. "Yeah, I could eat."
"Alright then. You two go play for a bit. I'll call you when the food is ready," I tell them and like a flash of lightning they're gone.
I turn my head to ask Jay about dinner, but before I can say a word his lips are on mine and his hands are on my neck and holding my face against his. We pull away a few moments later. Jay drops his hands, one rests on his knee and the other moves down around me to my lower back. I take in a few breaths, smiling stupidly once again.
"You caught me off guard there," I tell him. I raise my right hand to his cheek and swipe my thumb over his stubble.
"That was my plan," he chuckles, pressing his hand against my back and pulling me into him once more. I feel his lips on my forehead, then my cheek, and one last time against my lips.
A content sigh escapes me after we separate again and Jay stands from the coffee table. He grabs onto my left hand and pulls me to my feet, grazing my skin in tender motions with the tip of his thumb.
He squeezes my hand. "Come on. I know you'd much rather order a pizza than cook tonight."
"Pizza is never a bad choice," I tell him with a teasing glare. He laughs at me and leans in, kissing the side of my head, as we walk into the kitchen.
XXX
Later that night after dinner had been eaten, the four of us are all in our pajamas and we cuddle up together on the couch for a movie. It had barely gotten to the halfway point of the movie when I notice Jessie is passed out in my lap. I glance down at Gracie and see she is well on her way to sleep too, as she stays snuggled between me and Jay.
"Jay," I whisper.
He turns and I glance to the girls. He looks between them both, then back up at me, and nods his head. He stands from the couch and leans down to lift Gracie into his arms, and then I stand as well with Jessie in mine. We bring the girls to their bedroom and I set Jessie down in her bed against one of the walls and cover her with a blanket. I lean down, whispering "I love you" into her ear, and then I kiss her on the forehead. I stand back up straight and make my way to Gracie's bed on the opposite side of the room. Jay's sitting on the side of the bed, his hand holding one of Gracie's, while she lies with her eyes wide open.
"You okay?" I ask quietly. I kneel down in front of her at the side of her bed and grab her free hand with both of mine.
"I have a question," she says, the sleep evident in her voice.
"Ask away kiddo," I tell her.
"Do I call keep calling you Erin and Jay or can it be mommy and daddy since I'm gonna be here forever?"
Almost instantly I'm swallowing back tears as I look at this sweet little girl in front of me. She's got an almost hopeful sparkle in her eyes that has not yet been diminished despite what she's been through. Her voice is sweet and soft and innocent, and I fall in love with her even more in that moment if it is even possible.
I look up at Jay, the tears in my eyes ready to fall at any moment, and I see his eyes glazed over as well. I smile at him, already knowing, and then I look back to Gracie. "Of course you can all us mommy and daddy, baby. We're gonna be your mommy and daddy forever. I promise you."
I squeeze her hand, and then stand on my feet before leaning down and kissing her several times on her forehead. When I pull back to look at her again she's got a crooked, sleepy smile on her face and her eyes are drifting closed.
I lean down to kiss her on her cheek, and then I whisper into her ear. "I love you, my girl."
I pull back once more and stand up straight. Jay leans down above Gracie and kisses her cheek, whispering into her ear as well, and then he goes to Jessie to do the same to her.
We turn out their bedside lamps, save for the nightlight in the room, and then Jay and I make our way to our bedroom. I slip under the covers and lie on my back staring up at the ceiling, still a little taken aback by what just happened.
"If you overthink it you'll drive yourself crazy, Erin."
I turn my head to the right and meet Jay's eyes. "Overthink what?"
"Gracie calling us mom and dad. It's not a bad thing," he tells me in a tender voice.
"Then why do I feel so happy and guilty at the same time about it?"
Jay stretches his arm out and I quickly accept his silent invitation as I move towards him. I rest my head into his shoulder and his open arm wraps around me, holding me close. "Probably because of what she's lost. I'd be more concerned if you didn't feel this way. You're kind of doing for her what Voight and Camille did for you. That's not a bad thing. It's actually kind of beautiful. You've got a big heart Erin, and I love you for it."
"When she called us mommy and daddy it just – I don't know, it sounded right. I know you love being a dad. And I love being a mom. It's something I never thought I would have, not when I was growing up anyway."
"That's what makes you so incredible at it. You saw what your mom did and what she didn't do. In the end, that might have been the only decent thing she's ever done for you."
I nod because I know he's right. I move my hand over his naked chest and look up at him. "You make me so happy you know that?"
Jay smiles his stupid grin at me, his eyes shining bright as he stares down at me. He nods his head. "You make me happy too. I'm happier than I've ever been with you, and with our girls."
"Hmmm…Our girls. I really like the sound of that," I tell him, smiling.
"It has a nice ring to it, right?"
I nod. "You know what else has a nice ring to it?"
"What?"
"Mrs. Erin Halstead," I annunciate each syllable as I move over him then, straddling his waist.
The smile on his face seems to only get bigger before he pulls me down to him and kisses me with soft lips and a quick tongue.
"I love you," I tell him after we pull back for a breath moments later.
"I love you too, Erin. I love you so damn much."
I keep my eyes on him, pulling my bottom lip between my teeth before I continue. "I still wouldn't mind another one, ya know? Later down the road. A little tiny one with your stupid smile and your stupid freaking freckles. I really do wanna make a baby with you someday. Part you. Part me."
His smile becomes softer then as I feel his hands squeeze my sides as I sit perched over top of him. He looks up at me with the sweetest of looks on his face.
"Then one day we will," he assures me.
I smile at his choice of words, remembering that they were all, but what really started this thing between us. The night that it all sort of changed for us.
"Maybe one day, huh?"
Jay gives me another flash of that grin of his, the one I knew was going to ruin me in the best of ways, and he pulls my face back down to hover just above his. "Oh, definitely."
