Author's Note:

Trombe:

artsyelric: well, seeing as i'm posting both these chapters simultaneously, i guess we're still waiting for an answer from trombe...

so, we are so sorry these chapters took so long. trombe's been totally swamped, and i actually have been working! hooray! i really need the cash... anyway, to try and make up for it, i give you two chapters at once! da da da da! two very looong chapters, i might add XDD however, due to trombe's busy schedule, i had to write the fight scenes and just have him check them... hope they weren't too horrible! (ps, that means these weren't double checked by him, so basically, no beta, since we beta each other - forgive me minor mistakes please!)


What I Don't Like About You

Chapter 29: Inside Her Head


"Wow, camping," Aang grinned as the group sat down for dinner around their fire. "It really seems like old times again, doesn't it?"

"Except better," Sokka added, "'cause Suki's here." The group stared at him. "Oh, and Zuko." The belated addition did little to make the comment seem less incriminating.

But nobody seemed to mind. Instead, Zuko actually managed a grin as he swallowed a bite of food. "Well, technically," he suggested tentatively to Aang, "if you really want it to feel like old times, I could… I don't know, chase you around for a while and try and capture you?"

As his friends laughed, Zuko smiled to himself as well. It seemed he was finally getting the hang of jokes – it had taken a while! And sometimes, he still didn't think Sokka was funny…

But as the laughter died down, Zuko noticed that there was one person not joining in the merriment. "Ha, ha," Katara stated dully, her eyes cold in the fire light.

Apparently the fact that she had saved him from falling to his death earlier that day didn't mean she had forgiven him yet.

But before Zuko had a chance to say anything to her, Sokka lifted his glass. "To Zuko," he declared, and all thoughts of Katara fell from the prince's mind. "Who knew after all those times he tried to snuff us out, today he'd be our hero."

"Here here!" Aang, Toph and Suki called, downing their own drinks, and Zuko felt his throat tighten oddly as Aang elbowed him sideways and Toph landed a slightly bearable fist on his shoulder. This must be what it feels like to have friends all the time, he realized.

"I'm touched," he admitted, not knowing what else to call how he felt. "I don't deserve this."

But the mood died immediately as Katara stood. "Yeah," she grumbled loudly as she left. "No kidding."

"Katara-" Aang started to reach towards her, but she ignored him as she strode away from the fire, her hair swaying in time with her angry steps.

"What's with her?" Sokka asked.

"I wish I knew." Zuko glanced at Aang who didn't seem to be making a move to follow the girl, then rose and went after Katara – it might finally be his chance to get at her alone and put an end to all this!

"What's with him?" he heard Sokka repeat behind him, though by the silence Zuko left in his wake, it seemed there was still no one with an answer.

It had only been two nights since Katara and Hama had been beneath the newly full moon, and it was only barely waning now, still practically full, so there was plenty of light for Zuko to see. Plus, the island they had landed on was very small, and there was nothing but a thin stretch of land that dropped away into the ocean in the direction Katara had headed, so it was only moments until the prince had cornered her. She noticed him immediately as he came around a large stone, and she turned quickly away, obviously not happy he had followed.

"This isn't fair," he started, not having had time to think of anything to say except exactly how he felt. "What is it with you? Everyone else seems to trust me now – you even trusted me! How did telling the truth ruin that?"

"Oh, everyone trusts you now?" Katara shot back, her voice sharp, as if he was missing something obvious and she now had to painstakingly explain it to him. "I was the first person to trust you, remember? Back in Ba Sing Se."

"So we're back on that again are we?" he demanded, surly that she would bring up things he had thought they were long over.

"Yes we're back on that!" Katara's eyes flashed indignantly. "Or don't you remember what happened? I trusted you then, just like you want me to do again, and you turned around and betrayed me! Betrayed all of us." Despite her rage she was over enunciating each syllable as if to drive her point home further, and it was quite annoying.

Zuko gnashed his teeth together at the beginning of what now felt like an age old argument he had never yet won. "What do you want from me, huh?" he shouted, feeling his own temper rising. "I can't go back to that day and change what I did! All I can do is try to prove to you guys that I'm not like that anymore – but you won't let me, will you?"

"How can I trust you, Zuko, when everything you say to me is a lie?"

"A lie?!" Zuko roared. His temper flared at the accusation, and he didn't even care that he was yelling now. "You're mad at me right now because I told you the truth! Not because I lied."

"The truth?" Katara's voice rose drastically. "What was the truth! That you helped me out back in the Boiling Rock because you believed in what I had to say, because you respected me? Or was it just because you had some stupid crush? You're just like everyone else in the Fire Nation – you'll say whatever you think I want to hear just to make me like you. And then, you'll use it against me, just like Ba Sing Se."

He gaped at her, the ridiculous circle reasoning spinning disconnectedly through his mind. She was making no sense! "Katara, that's just… that's stupid, that's what it is!"

"All right, fine!" she huffed, somehow managing to turn even her own inability to provide a sound argument into his fault. "So maybe it is stupid – but it's how I feel, all right? Just like how you feel about me. I can't help it. Do you think I like feeling angry all the time? Because I don't! I hate it! But every time I'm around you, that's exactly how I feel. Hurt, betrayed, and angry." She said it like he had purposefully caused all of that!

"You think this is any easier on me?!" he countered, deciding immediately that two could play at the blame game. He was just as much a disgruntled teenager as she was, and if she wanted to turn all her angst on him, well then he'd just give it all right back! "I thought for sure my future was set the moment I joined the Avatar!" he ranted. "Help the Avatar, save the world! Simple, clear, and profoundly good. It was supposed to finally make me happy!" He nearly choked over the word. "What a load of crap. I'm as confused as ever and were not even close to winning this war with my father. I left behind a person who meant the world to me to do what I thought was right! And then you... you come along and... ruin things!"

But Katara said nothing. Her eyes watered and she turned away. Zuko stared at her, flabbergasted. Somehow, he got the feeling that matching her blow for blow hadn't been such a good idea after all. She was supposed to rage back - not go away and cry! He mashed his hand against his temple in frustration. How, exactly, had all of this come from him saying he liked her?

Yet, even now, when she was angry and raging, or crying, he still felt that he wanted to help her. He realized, somewhat hopelessly, that he was still in love with her. Sighing, he sucked up his pride. "All right," he tried again. "What can I do to make it up to you?" He just barely refrained from adding a 'this time' to the end of it - he was trying to mend this relationship, so he needed a cool head, now if ever.

But, once again, he seemed to have said the wrong thing. "Make it up to me?" Katara squawked, turning back on him. "You think you can just fix everything, Zuko? That if you do something great enough now it will, I don't know, cancel out everything bad that's going on for me lately? Just undo it? Well, you can't just 'make it up to me' every time. That's not how it works."

"Katara," Zuko tried pleading, "I'm not that guy from Ba Sing Se anymore! You were the first person to see me as someone different – that is why I wanted to prove myself to you, not because I liked you. But somewhere along the line, I realized that had changed, and… and..." He ran his hands through his hair, trying to refocus his train of thought and explain himself properly. "Well, 'you can't help who you love,' right? Isn't that what your mom always used to say?"

She drew back for a moment, startled into being unsure. "I wouldn't know," she said after a minute, sounding confused. Then her brows dropped and the vicious tone stole back into her voice. "How could I know? She died before she had a chance to tell me that!" The pure sound of her voice almost stung now it was so full of rage.

"Katara," Zuko sighed, still unwilling to quit. He knew he was getting close to the heart of the issue now, just inches away from finding out what was the center of all this rage. "What do you want from me?" he asked, worried that he was digging his own grave, but unwilling to quit when he was so close to figuring out what the hell was wrong with her. He had to be honest now. He had to express himself plainly, and hope she did the same. "Please, tell me and I'll do it. But whether you ever learn to like me or not, I don't want us to be like this! Can't we at least be… friends… again?" He tried to let his voice echo how honestly he wanted just that, and hoped, somehow, she could hear it.

"You really want to know what you could do to fix this?" she demanded, her voice dripping with sarcasm as she strode angrily towards him. He tensed. This was it. "Maybe you could re-conquer Ba Sing Se in the name of the Earth King and save all the people we lost there." She leaned in towards him, closer than she had been since the night they kissed, but now her eyes were crazed, and angry, like they had been when she had bloodbent. He suddenly realized there were bags beneath them, and she looked insanely sleep deprived. "Or maybe you could take the scar off Aang's back, or undo all the damage done to Hama's and my people. Or, I know," she drove on, her voice suddenly serious instead of just ranting. "You could bring my mother back."

The last sentence came out bitingly cold, and Katara's jaw clenched angrily as she stared at Zuko. She was so close he could smell her, and still he could think of nothing strong enough to say. This honest statement from her had obviously been the response to his own strong desire to be truthful with her. It was what he'd wanted her to do - to tell him what was really bothering her - but it wasn't something he wanted to hear at all! He hadn't done any of those things, yet once again, they were all being laid at his door, and protesting that it wasn't fair wouldn't change any of it.

Plus, he knew how irrationally painful it was to loose a mother.

After a moment of strained silence, it became apparent that Zuko simply had no answer. Realizing this, Katara's face flushed, and she stomped off past him, heading back towards camp. "Katara, wait!" he called, starting after her, but she didn't turn. "Katara, I'm sorry all of that happened to you, but please just listen to me! I can't try if you won't let me! Katara!" He reached out and caught her wrist, determined not to let things end like this between them.

"Leave me alone!" she shouted, ripping her hand out of his and shoving him hard enough to make him step back.

He stared at her, and then she turned and ran, tears filling her eyes. Aang's tent was the closest to them, and she headed right towards it. "Why," Zuko cursed himself under his breath. "Why is it always him!" he shouted after her.

But Katara disappeared inside the tent without answering, and she was as gone to Zuko as if she were on the other side of the world.

Snorting fire, he kicked at the crisp heads of grass around him, whisking a few right off the tops of their stems. Or, I know; you could bring my mother back. The words kept echoing in his head. He had just told her he liked her – wasn't that supposed to make girls happy? Why did things always go so badly for him! She could have just said no, like a normal girl, but instead she had to start hating him again, and go running off to stupid Aang, the almighty Avatar, and all his twelve-year-old stinking glory! Had Aang taken lashes for her, to save her father? Was it Aang who had comforted her after the bloodbending incident? Did Aang know what it was like to lose a mother? No! Zuko did! So why was it Aang she was in there crying to, and him who was outside in the cold?

I'm losing to a child, he grumbled to himself. And I don't even know why.

This was so stupid! Katara could make him so angry. In fact, he realized, he probably spent half the time he was with her, arguing. More than half. When he was around her - hell, even when he'd been trying to comfort her! - he somehow always ended up wanting to shout. Despite the fact that he'd been feeling like he had started to get his anger under control lately, when he was around her, he just couldn't control it at all. He felt like he couldn't control any of his emotions, actually. When he was near her, they all spiraled out of hand, amplified to a frightening degree. Soon, he feared, he'd be a crazy as her. Yet still, he wanted to be near her. And he knew he wasn't the only one effected that way.

The knowledge that every time she was around him she felt angry, even when she didn't want to, made it worse. When he was around her, he felt like he was finally doing something good in the world, like he was on the right side of things. Like he wanted her to be proud of him. But when she was acting like this, it seemed more like he had failed, and no amount of toasting from Sokka could change it. With all the anger rolling around inside him, it would be so easy to just be mad back at her, to think that she was just a mean person, who refused to give him a chance. But he knew it wasn't true. Katara was a loving person, the kind of person he had never been around since his own mother died. All this rage and anger, all the hurt she felt, was because of him. It was completely unfair, but since when had rage ever been fair? If he thought about it long enough, Zuko knew that. He had been so full of rage himself before that he had taken it out on everyone, Mai, his uncle, his crew. And none of it ever made him feel any better.

If he really wanted to prove himself to Katara, he would have to make her see that, somehow. Maybe then she would stop acting so infuriatingly hostile towards him.

Groaning, he sat down on a rock, rubbing his temples. How had this all gone so overboard?

You could bring my mother back…

And then it clicked in his head. All this anger and frustration Katara felt, it wasn't because he'd kissed her. She was just focusing it on him because she had no where else to vent it. It was exactly like he'd just remembered doing - how he'd acted the same way to Uncle tons of times. If anyone understood anger, Zuko did. Perhaps, for the first time, all those years he spent angry at the world would finally be helpful. Maybe he could use them to help Katara...

He thought back to times he'd been angry, and how he'd managed to get over it. His mind spun through his own memories as he watched Aang's silhouette comforting her. What she needed wasn't comfort, it was closure. He was sure of it. He couldn't bring her mother back, but maybe he could find some way to create an ending to all this in Katara's mind. If she could somehow get over her mother, and everything bloodbending and her time with Hama had stirred up inside her, somehow, maybe, she could get over her renewed hatred of him.

It was worth a try, at least.

His mind made up, he started across the camp for Sokka's tent. If he was going to help her at all, he would need some background information to go on. Fortunately, he had a perfect source for information on Katara at his immediate disposal.

As Zuko strode towards Sokka's tent he let his head cool, taking deep breaths of the chilly, night air. He about to ask... well, what was possibly the only male friend he had at the moment, to relive something very painful. He couldn't help remembering the time he'd overheard Sokka telling his father about that Yue girl. He hoped that, somehow, the warrior would take this better, but, deep inside, Zuko doubted it. He knew that he, himself, was still no where near ready to talk about his own mother's disappearance in his life, and he didn't think Sokka would be any more excited to remember Kaya's death than Zuko was prepared to face... whatever it was that had happened to his mother.

Taking a final, deep breath, Zuko stepped around the rock blocking Sokka's tent from view...

...and bumped right into Suki's turned back.

"Whoops!" she apologized quickly as she pulled her elbow out of his abs. "...wrong tent!" Her hands flew up nervously in front of her, her fingers curling curiously, and somehow Zuko doubted she had gotten the tents confused in any way.

"Sorry," Zuko called her bluff in his most monotonous voice, pulling his hand stiffly away from the spot on his stomach where she'd jabbed him and waving courteously towards the tent. "Did you need to talk to Sokka too?"

From anyone else, this would have been a mockingly sarcastic comment, but obviously Suki didn't pick up on Zuko's subtle form of comedy. Instead she straightened sharply and stopped trying to slip off. She looked as guilty as a child who was caught with their hand in the cookie jar. "Ah... nope!" she chirped, rather too quickly. "Not me!" And before Zuko could say anything else, she waved her arms assuredly between them, and scampered off so fast he thought she might have airbent.

Shrugging, but deciding not to harp on Suki's strange behavior, Zuko turned to the tent. She's already run off, so whatever 'fun' she had Sokka might have been planning wasn't happening anyway... He may well take the opportunity to talk to the water tribe boy before she came back.

But as Zuko pulled back the tent flap and stepped into the candle-lit sleeping quarters he was to share with the warrior, his face dropped in what was unmistakeably, and completely uncharacteristically, a drooping wilt.

What had sent him into this state of unhappy shock was the make-over the two boy's tent had mysteriously undergone during his argument with Katara. Candles blazed all about the floor of the tent, issuing a sweet smell, like smoke and flowers, that Zuko usually associated with Azula's royal bathroom. Rose petals lay strewn about the floor in intentional disarray, and a large bunch of them was hung from the roof, though where Sokka could have gotten them was beyond Zuko's ability to contemplate at this exact moment. In addition, a sheet had been draped across the sides of the tent and the rock that made up one corner of the sleeping quarters - presumably to separate Zuko's side from Sokka's, though that was hardly the purpose it was serving now. It was artfully winkled where it reached the ground, and atop it, legs twined together over his head, lay a pants-less Sokka. As he finished taking in the entirety of it, Zuko was incredibly glad the boy's tunic reached down to his knees.

Sokka rolled his head towards the newcomer, his loose hair covering his face and ears in a manner the prince was not used to seeing, and Zuko noted, almost comically, that the boy had a rose in his mouth, his teeth wrapped around its stem. Frankly, the whole set up was rather comical, not just the rose. Had Zuko been anyone else, he might have been rolling on the floor laughing by now. But, as he was Zuko, he simply stared, jaw slightly agape and face slack. How does Suki find this attractive in the least? he wondered quizzically as he surveyed the ridiculous scene. Sokka was now peering over his shoulder at the second occupant of the tent, though Zuko suspected he had trouble noticing who had entered through all that hair. "Well, helllooooo-"

Sokka's eyes bulged as they finally met Zuko's, and he bit straight through his rose, choking on it pathetically. Zuko snorted in a depressing attempt not to laugh as what Sokka must have assumed was a sultry voice cut off so abruptly. This situation was beyond awkward. What, exactly, was one roommate supposed to do when they walked in on their friend all decked out for his girlfriend? Zuko wished, belatedly, they'd taught him that in all the edict classes he'd had back in the Fire Nation Palace. Lot of good those had done him...

He finally decided to ignore the other boy's... situation... and hope that it could be put silently behind them, as fast as possible. Sokka seemed to read into this approach immediately, and his face showed the same desperate hope to forget this disturbing exchange instantaneously . Despite how his face had blanched, Sokka cleared his throat loudly as he clambered up and into a more natural stance. "Ah, Zuko!" he remarked, scrambling into a seated position. "Yes. Why would I be... expecting anyone different?" As he draped his arm over his leg in a belated attempt at nonchalance, Zuko was incredibly relieved to see he was, after all, wearing shorts.

Zuko was still searching for something normal to say while Sokka attempted to shrug off being walked in on while laying in a pile of roses and candles as perfectly common behavior. However, the affect was completely ruined as the warrior gagged suddenly and coughed up a rose petal. Zuko couldn't do it. He couldn't think of a single acceptable thing to say.

Sokka, however, continued to act as if there was nothing out of the ordinary occurring, and put on a 'down to business' expression as he surveyed his friend. "So, what's on your mind?"

Grasping almost painfully the chance to change the subject, Zuko spat out his reasons for coming without hesitation. Even revealing Katara's unjustified hatred of him or explaining to Sokka how he wanted the other boy to recap the day his mother had died seemed more preferable than addressing the current issue before them. Actually, it almost made it easier to spit out his problems - anything besides talking about the obvious! "Your sister," Zuko answered plainly, folding his legs up beneath him and joining Sokka stiffly on the floor. "She hates me - and I don't know why!" He struggled to return the control to his voice after the sudden outburst. "But... I do care what she thinks of me."

"Nah," Sokka denied offhandedly, waving his hands as if laying out his words more clearly for Zuko. "Look, I know my sister, and... Well, Katara doesn't hate anyone. Except maybe some people in the Fire Nation," he added coolly. His face drained suddenly of color as he heard his own words. "No!" he corrected himself sharply before Zuko could even open his mouth. The warrior was now holding his hands up defensively before him and he shook his head like a teacher lecturing a student. "I mean, not people who are good who used to be bad," he explained rapidly. "I mean bad people. Fire Nation people who are still bad, who've never been good, and probably won't be - ever!" He grew steadily more frantic throughout the corrective speech until he was leaning towards Zuko insistently, waving his arms in stern rejection of even the possible idea that Katara might hate Zuko.

"Stop!" Zuko interrupted his overly animated friend before the boy could tip over and collapse on him. "Listen. Okay... I know this may seem out of no where, but... I want you to tell me what happened to your mother."

"What?" Sokka asked, his voice suddenly confused. He shank back down to a normal sitting position, and Zuko regretted his request immediately. Obviously Sokka wasn't going to take it well. "Why would you want to know that?"

"Never mind," Zuko stopped himself, standing abruptly. "I shouldn't have asked-"

"No, wait," Sokka insisted, grabbing his arm and pulling the prince back down onto the mat. "I mean it. Why did you ask? Did... Did Katara... say... something?"

"No, not exactly... It's just..." Zuko looked back into his friends serious, though somewhat frightened eyes, and nodded. Even if it was awkward, he should at least finish what he started. "Right, well... Katara mentioned it before when we were in prison together in Ba Sing Se," he explained his reasoning, "and again just now, when she was yelling at me. She just mentioned it - like in passing. But it keeps coming up. I think, somehow... she's connected her anger about that to her anger at me."

"So what?" Sokka asked, and Zuko blinked. "If that's true, she'll eventually get over it. There's not much you can do about something so outlandishly ridiculous. How will my telling you about Mom help change anything?"

"I just... I wanted to understand better," Zuko supplied. "I don't know what she's thinking. I want to know what goes on... inside her head."

"She's a girl," Sokka protested. "Knowing that's impossible."

"Still," the prince insisted, "I want to try. I don't know what else to do. So... will you tell me?"

Sokka glanced away, and for the second time that night Zuko was afraid he had gone too far in asking something so personal. How would he feel if the tables were turned? But, just when he had decided Sokka wasn't going to answer, and it might be better if he just left now before things got worse, the blue-eyed boy spoke. "It's... not a day I like to remember," he admitted quietly, and Zuko settled back down respectfully, ready to listen to whatever his friend had to say.

"We were little... Katara was still learning words." Sokka smiled at the memory. "But already our village had been ransacked so many times we had lost count. You remember those stories Hama told, about them coming and taking away waterbenders?" Zuko nodded, determined to stay with his friend throughout the story, despite whatever personal attachment he might feel to it. "All of that happened before Katara was even born. I barely remember any of it, maybe one raid. All I know is, when my sister was born, there were no other waterbenders left in the village...

"We thought, you know, since all the waterbenders were gone, that we wouldn't have to face raids anymore. Many of the old folks complained about life without benders, but for those of us born to a world without bending, well... we didn't miss it. Life was just natural that way. Until we found out about Katara." Sokka swallowed grimly. "I don't know when, exactly, Mom and Dad figured it out, but when they did, we had a family meeting. Gran-gran decided it was best if Katara not be taught how to bend. If her powers never manifested themselves, then no one would ever come hunting her."

Sokka stopped. After a moment of silence, Zuko could see where this was leading. "It didn't work, did it?"

"I... I don't know," Sokka admitted honestly. "It may have. The raid may have just been coincidence." He shrugged futilely. "We'll probably never know. I mean, it's hard to stop a three-year-old girl with Katara's determination from doing something as natural to her as breathing. But even so, I have no idea of how word of it could have gotten out, and I can't imagine an entire patrol of soldiers mounting an attack like that for just one little girl..."

Zuko frowned unhappily. He could. He had sat in his father's war chambers, and seen how little an entire platoon meant to those men, and how much the simple threat of a single, airbending child did. He didn't doubt at all that if they had heard word of even one waterbender surviving in the water tribe that a fleet would have been dispatched immediately. In fact, he was almost surprised they hadn't just wiped out the entire village to be over it. His fist trembled on the floor beside him. He was so glad now that they hadn't. Where would he be if they had? Where would Aang be? Still in an iceburge? He tried to imagine his world with no Avatar - with no Katara - and found it impossible.

"Anyway," Sokka recalled both their thoughts to the conversation at hand. "Katara and I were having a snowball fight when it happened. She hit me dead on with one, cheeky little brat. So I was packing up as much snow as I could for a gigantic attack, you know, end her stupid giggling once and for all? But then I saw it for the first time. The black snow."

"Black snow?" Zuko asked, hearing the strange, echoing horror in Sokka's tone, as if there was a great distaste in the back of his throat when he spoke which he couldn't rid himself of.

"Black snow," Sokka nodded. "That's what we all called it, at least. You would've seen it, I'd bet. Back when Zhou attacked the Northern Water Tribe. All the soot from your ships mixed with the falling snow."

Zuko's brow furrowed. He remembered that. To him it had simply been a part of life, after all the years he'd spent on the ocean. All Fire Navy ships were coal and steam powered, so soot fell commonly, even in summer. For Zuko, it was just a part of being at sea. To Sokka, it seemed, it had been a sign of something much more sinister.

"We didn't know what it was at the time. It was just a strange phenomenon that intrigued us. But it scared the rest of the village. A frozen panic set over everyone, and the whole world went still, like the calm before a storm. Katara could sense it, I think, and it frightened her. Hell, it frightened me. But her answer was different than mine... She told me she was going to find Mom, and ran off in the direction of our home. Once I was sure she was heading the right way, I... I went looking for my father.

"Many of the warriors had seen the black snow before, and they knew what it meant." Sokka's voice was heavy now. "A Fire Nation raid. I learned of it fast enough. The warriors were arming in complete silence. Well, it was plenty noisy, what with the weapons and the paint and the armor, but no one spoke. And, when I joined them, no one sent me away."

"They let you fight with them?" Zuko asked, surprised. "How old were you?"

Sokka shrugged. "Seven, maybe?"

"Why would they let a seven-year-old go up against seasoned warriors?" the prince demanded.

But Sokka was shaking his head. "I don't know if Dad would have, but... I saw Bato. He didn't stop me." Zuko recalled the name from campfire stories during their hunting trip; from what he had gathered, the man was a friend of Hakoda's.

Still, ignored by this Bato character or not, he was disgruntled with the idea of his Fire Nation soldiers storming an icy beach full of seven year old warriors. Zuko opened his mouth to protest this again, but Sokka shut him down.

"You don't understand," he insisted right over top of the prince. "It's not like everywhere else, where people have standing armies and... and... I don't know! Military. This war, it wiped us out completely, Zuko! I was the only boy left in the village between the ages of two and twenty! Our entire town consisted of one waterbender, five or six infants, two toddlers - being Katara and myself - and maybe ten families, most of whom had already lost sons, daughters, fathers or mothers to the waterbender raids. We were beyond the ability to protect ourselves against attacks from your men. It wasn't a matter of arming up for war, it was a question of fighting for our very lives! I was just as likely to die sitting at home as I was charging a Fire Nation soldier. When all you have left is your family, you do whatever you can to protect them - even if it means going out fighting! I would have been proud to die that day, if it would have meant... she..." But Sokka choked up a bit and didn't continue.

Zuko exhaled thickly. He couldn't imagine a situation like that. He had seen their small town himself, but he could only assume at the time that there must have been more to it, neighboring towns, villagers that had hidden. It was as impossible to picture growing up in such a small, terrified world as it would have been for him to imagine growing up in Aang's air temple, where rage was practically a sin. But for Sokka, and for Katara, this had been very real.

And Zuko needed to understand it if he was going to be any help to Katara.

"I'm sorry," he told Sokka firmly, wanting to say something else, but unsure of what.

But Sokka waved it off, seeming to have regained his composure somewhat in the few moments of quiet. "The ships smashed through the ice. I saw them coming. I couldn't keep up with most of the other warriors during the charge, I was just too small, but I was close enough to see it. They came right up to the village, exactly like your ship did last winter, just smashing through everything until finally wedging in the ice and stopping to pour Fire Nation soldiers like fire-ants from a hive." Zuko remembered Sokka's solo form standing in defense of his village so long ago and wondered dimly just how much fear and anger his arrival had caused the painted boy.

"I watched most of the battle from a distance," Sokka revealed. "I wanted to fight, but I had never seen a real war before, and I was scared. I was seven," he added, his voice taking on a false bit of merriment. "Can you blame me?" Zuko shook his head slightly, and after a moment, Sokka let his attempt at a joke die out on his humorless audience. "The blue painted faces I knew so well collided with the red masks, and fought ferociously. We were badly outnumbered, but somehow we managed to drive them off. Honestly, each water tribe warrior was worth ten Fire Nation soldiers, benders or not. When you are fighting to protect your home, you fight with a different intensity than you do as a raider. I think that made the difference."

"Even so," Zuko muttered, his voice weighing the options.

"Yeah, even so..." Sokka took a deep breath before continuing. "Even so, we were going to lose, simply in terms of sheer numbers. Had the fight gone on any longer, we would have surely been beaten. But, as it was, we didn't lose a single warrior."

"What?"

Sokka nodded proudly. "Every man survived that day. But it wasn't because of our skill, I don't think," he added in retrospect. "As quickly as they came... they just left. I'd only managed to clout one fallen firebender over the head and snatch up a fallen boomerang before the ships were leaving. I'd be surprised if they had been there more than five minutes."

Sokka glanced away from Zuko, his voice suddenly bitter. "I was so relieved when it was over. But... that's because I didn't know yet what had happened." His head dropped, and he hugged his knees to himself, somehow managing to look much smaller than Zuko had ever seen him before. "I didn't know we had lost our mother."

"How did you find out?" The golden eyes bore down on his friend, unsure how to go about comforting someone, but determined to get something useful out of the story so as not to waste his friend's efforts in reciting it. "About your mom, I mean. Did you... see..."

But Sokka was shaking his head. "Dad told me. When I came back with the other men, proud for protecting our loved ones from the strange, short-lived raid, I found out. Apparently..." Sokka looked up at Zuko, determinedly willing himself to go on. "Apparently, Katara saw though. I heard she went to get Dad, looking for help, but they... they must have gotten back too late. I don't know what they saw, what... she saw...

"Dad was never really the same again." Sokka had looked away. "It was shortly after that when he organized all the men into a battle fleet and left. He was angry and hurt, and I heard him arguing with Gran-gran a time or two before he left. I... I wanted to go with him, but I was left behind, the only 'man' in the town, not even eight yet. It kind of seems like a cruel joke now, but... that's just how things were. Since then Dad's been traveling all over the world, hell bent on revenge, along side the rest of our men. I guess they just had enough, and... Well, you've seen him lately," Sokka added, pushing the sheet with his toes in a distracted manner. "He's much better. I still see that shadow of Mom in his eyes every now and again, but... he's really trying, you know? To make up for everything. Supporting me on the invasion, and taking the fall for me when it flopped... Even that camping trip. I can tell he wants to be a part of our lives again now, and I think Katara's finally forgiven him for leaving."

"She blamed him?" Zuko asked, a bit surprised - he had somehow felt Katara would be above things like blaming her father.

"Not... exactly." Sokka rubbed his chin as he tried to put a finger on it. "It wasn't that she blamed him. More like... I don't think she ever really learned to depend on him. Actually, she barely depends on me. She's so self sufficient, I hardly know when she's in trouble, and usually when she is it's too dangerous to try and help her - she'll take your head right off!" Sokka waved his arms crazily, a bit of his humor sparking up again, and Zuko was surprised to feel himself chuckle briefly. "Better to just let her work through things on her own," he added, like a hidden piece of advice to Zuko. "She can handle herself. And she'll come to me afterward, when she's ready."

Zuko ignored the veiled suggestion to leave Katara to her own devices and focused instead on Sokka story. He was still looking for that one hint, the clue he would need to bring Katara the end he'd concluded she needed. Something about Sokka's memory must give him a lead to finding closure for the waterbender that didn't involve trying to hate him to death.

He rubbed his temple as he ran through Sokka's tale in his mind again. "Wait!" he stopped suddenly, remembering how vividly Sokka had described the ships when they breached the ice. "Can you remember any details about the soldiers who raided your village? Like... what the lead ship looked like?" It was a shot in the dark, but it was worth it.

Sokka gaped at Zuko, and he realized he wasn't really being that sympathetic. But he had a purpose for talking to Sokka tonight, and he knew he needed to stay focused on it if any of this was going to be worth anything. "I..." Sokka scrunched up his face, trying to remember any details he might of left out or blocked. "Yeah... The lead ship..." He seemed to be looking through a deep fog. Then his face brightened and he nodded to himself. "Sea-ravens," he stated, and Zuko raised an eyebrow. Sokka rolled his eyes and elaborated. "The main ship had flags with sea-ravens on them."

"The symbol of the Southern Raiders..." Zuko glanced back at his friend, somewhat excited. "Thanks, Sokka. That helps."

"Nooo problem," Sokka insisted, drawing out the world as he seemed to come instantly out of his depression. He reached over and grabbed Zuko around the shoulders and started to shove him roughly out of the tent. "Thanks for... stoppin' by!" he added, pulling the tent flap open and pushing the prince out.

"Ah... you do realize I sleep here, right?" Zuko asked as his friend continued to prod him.

"Not tonight you don't," Sokka rejected him firmly. "Go sleep with Aang."

Zuko stopped resisting and let himself be forced out of the tent, the flap falling closed behind him. He sighed and stretched his shoulder briefly, rolling it to get the strain of the evening (and the pushing) out before turning to start to leave. Still just seconds after the tent flap had dropped behind him, and only after he'd taken two halting steps away from it, Sokka's head poked back out the slit stealthily. "Suki!"

His eyes widened again as he realized he apparently hadn't been stealthy enough. The ejected Zuko was still just feet from the entrance, and eying him oddly. Sokka tried to pull it off as a whistle, but Zuko shot him an angry glance. "I'm not stupid you know," he growled at the warrior.

"Phhft!" Sokka blew his hair out of his face in disbelief. "I know that. You think I don't know that, Zuko?"

The prince shook his head. "Your girlfriend's behind that rock," he gestured to the shadow that leaped backwards with a slightly undignified squawk. "I think I'll be out all night after all," he added. "Have a good sleep."

He stretched as he walked away, distinctly aware of Sokka's gaze following his back, but he didn't care. He doubted, after the conversation he'd just put Sokka through, there would be much of the hanky-panky the boy had originally planned for the night. He knew that personally he wouldn't be up for much after such a mood-dampening ordeal. But having Suki around would be a comfort for the warrior, to be sure, and Zuko didn't begrudge his friend a girlfriend, even if his own love life was particularly twisted at the moment. Yeah, one girlfriend in jail for saving me, and the girl I'm trying to cheat on her with despises me completely and is in love with a twelve year old...

He glanced at Aang's tent as he thought his over the top summary. The light was still on and he could see Aang moving around. Katara didn't seem to be in there, but he still didn't think going over and asking the Avatar if he could share the tent for the night would be a wise idea at the moment. Aang was mild-tempered to put it nicely, but he was quite sure Katara had been complaining about him, and the last thing he needed was a lecture from the miniature monk.

Deciding he still had plenty to work through on his own, he sat up outside of Katara's tent, waiting diligently for the moment she would open it and appear, nearly bursting with the news that he knew who had killed her mother. It wasn't as good as being able to bring her back, certainly, but it was a real, tangible way to focus her frustration, and, even better, it was something besides him for her to hate.

He pondered, for a moment, how odd it was to be sitting outside the tent of the girl he was crushing on, waiting anxiously to tell her news about her mother's murderer. Not exactly the most romantic of morning gifts, but upon reflecting on his previous romantic attempts (mainly failed attempts, though whether that was Mai's fault or his was still undetermined) he decided it was still better than covering himself in petals and trying to swallow a rose whole, like some people did. Besides, he wasn't doing this just because he had a crush on her. He was doing this because... because even fatherless girls needed someone to depend on, or they wound up insane and emotionless like Azula.

At the very least, he wanted to be there for Katara to depend on. He wanted to be her friend again. This, he was sure, was going to help.

Ready to face her again, he sat though the night, thinking desperately of the girl within the tent before him.