Hello all, okay I may have forgotten to update before christmas and my last chapter has been written and ready to post for over a month so I'm sorry for it's delay. :L
I know all you Kurtbastian shippers are probably going crazy and I promise to you, I know EXACTLY how you feel! Kurt was a bit of a muppet last chapter and Sebastian's so broken and OH it's so sad! Ahhh :( Part of me is just like oh make Kurt meet someone else and let them all be but ahhh! :L
For those Kurtbastian shippers I am letting you knowing that once I post the last Chapter of Big Brother I will be starting a new multi-chapter story that is all Kurtbastian ;)
Hope you enjoy this update. It was horrible to write! :(
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. Only Carson ;)
Warning: Strong Language.
Big Brother: Endings and Beginnings.
Kurt woke up the next morning to the sound of Lady GaGa's 'Born This Way.' Still deep in his sleepy haze he reached for his phone blindly to stop the loud noise. The weight across his stomach and the heat against his left side going unnoticed, his mind only set on stopping the loud noise that was interrupting his beauty sleep.
Once the music stopped he smiled to himself, rolling over to his left and snuggling deeper into what he thought was his mattress. When something tightened around his waist and he found his face buried in a head of curls, he startled awake.
His eyes flew open and Blaine's hair filled his vision. Only now he noticed the heavy weight of Blaine's arm across his waist and the grip it had on his shirt. Now that he paid more attention to their situation he and Blaine were lying chest to chest, nearly every inch of them touching.
Kurt's breath caught in his throat and he wondered what was he to supposed to do in this situation. The two of them were friends, just friends Kurt. So surely this shouldn't feel as good as it feels. He could feel the heat rising in his cheeks, his neck. He could feel the butterflies starting to wake in his stomach and he was positive he should not feel that way.
Of course putting his own feelings aside how would Blaine react when he woke up? Should he try and move out of Blaine's grasp, even if he tried to move the chances are he would wake Blaine up anyway. So what was his other option? Just lye like this, in Blaine's tight, warm embrace until he woke up?
Fortunately he didn't have much time to really think about it when Blaine stirred against him. The cutest sound he ever heard escaped his lips as he moved closer, if possible, to him. His grasp on him tightening before he finally opened his eyes. He wasn't sure why he was staring at Blaine's face, but when Blaine opened his eyes the first thing he would've seen would've been his expression and he had no idea what his face was expressing. He hoped it wasn't the mixed up thoughts in his head.
"Mmm morning Kurt" Blaine said looking at him directly before letting his eyes flutter shut again.
Kurt smiled down at the older boy and had the strangest urge to run his fingers through he hair. "Morning Blaine" he responded softly and he couldn't stop himself from giving Blaine's arm a squeeze where it rested in between the heat of their bodies.
He watched as Blaine smiled in response before moving and once again pulling him closer. It was at that moment Blaine's eyes flew open as he realised the closeness of their sleeping position. He watched as Blaine tried to make sense of this, his eyes wide as he gave his shirt another tug, maybe as if to make sure this was real?
The two seemed to look at each for a long moment, Kurt wasn't sure what his face would express but he knew Blaine's expression and that scared him more then he ever thought possible. It looked warm and loving and as if he wouldn't want to change this moment, like all he needed, was him.
No one had ever, not even Sebastian, had looked at him like that before. What was worse, was that he reckoned the same expression was on his face. He too felt as if there was nowhere else he needed to be, with no one else just Blaine. This was all he wanted in this moment.
Blaine smiled at him "Morning" he said again, his grin getting bigger. Their eyes never broke contact and it seemed like they were having some kind of moment. It was another one of those moments he's sure they've had before but this time it meant more to him, like Blaine means more to me.
His heart was racing, there was an ache in his chest and he couldn't ignore the butterflies that seemed to be fluttering like the speed of light. His smile was big and genuine, the weight of Blaine's arm across his chest was heavy yet comfortable, hell it was more than comfortable. It was perfect. Everything about this moment was perfect.
He watched as Blaine ducked his eyes momentarily before they were on his again. Blaine was probably wondering why he hadn't said anything in response considering he should've responded already. He was just too caught up in this moment, he'd fallen for people before, he'd liked people before but never in his eighteen years of life had he ever felt like he did right now.
"You said that already" he replied with a smile sounding rather distracted. His thoughts elsewhere as he tried to get them into some sort of order. Yes he may be a teenager and not know much about love or life, but he knew that what he was feeling right now was rare. Am I finally admitting it to myself, that Blaine is? That I?
He wasn't sure what it was about this moment that made everything make sense to him, made everything change but as he watched Blaine's cheeks blush under the intensity of his gaze and the shadows his eyelashes caused on his cheek from the outside sun, he knew the change was irreversible.
Kurt wasn't sure where the sudden burst of confidence came from but as Blaine hadn't moved his arm from where it was now resting on the bare skin of his stomach where his shirt had risen. It's always been Blaine he thought to himself as he moved his hand so that it came to wrap around the part of Blaine's arm where it rested on his stomach.
He wasn't sure why he did it, maybe it was just because he wanted to do it. Kurt was pretty sure that there were one hundred reasons why he shouldn't have done it, but when Blaine's confused glance moved from where they were touching back to his face with a smile, he knew that was the reason he should've.
Once again they were just staring at each other, Blaine was now shuffling that little bit closer. His expression a mix of scared, vulnerable and joyous as they looked at each other. Blaine's grip was tightening, the weight of his arm getting heavier. He could feel Blaine's breath on his neck and it sent shivers down his spine.
They were smiling at each other when Kurt was distracted by a sound, he could hear his phone vibrating near by and he should probably answer it but he didn't want to lose this moment. "Kurt" Blaine said sounding a little breathless for some reason Kurt couldn't understand. Did Blaine have similar thoughts racing through his head as well?
Kurt allowed his gaze to drop for the smallest fraction of a second to Blaine's lips before returning Blaine's gaze. As inconspicuous as he wanted it to be, in his proximity of course Blaine noticed.
He could see Blaine searching his face for any indication of what he was feeling which prompted him to say his name again. "Kurt?" this time it was more of a whispered question as Blaine brought his hand to his cheek.
Blaine's hand was warm and comforting where it rested on his cheek, his own hand moving to settle on top of it. There were a million reasons why this was wrong, but looking at Blaine he knew there were a million reasons this was right.
The two were just looking at each other, so many questions going unasked in between them as they searched each others expressions. Kurt smiled more to himself as he finally told himself the truth, I like Blaine, always have done and probably always will. It was a huge relief admitting it to himself but it meant so much would be changing.
Blaine's smile turned into a grin as his emotions must've showed on his face. "Blaine," he said rather breathlessly, giving the hand on his cheek a squeeze. Blaine looked as if he was about to say something when suddenly a loud noise ruined the moment.
He watched as Blaine's expression seemed to change as the realisation of the noise hit him, it being 'Somebody That I Used to Know' blasting from his phone. There was something in that ringtone that seemed to bring Blaine back down to reality because the look in his eyes changed, the spark disappearing as if it was never there.
"Sorry" Blaine said with a nervous laugh as if the moment they'd just shared was nothing. "I like to cuddle, I'm a cuddler" he said with another laugh as he swiftly pulled his hand away and hastily made his way out of bed towards his phone.
Kurt wasn't sure why hurt and rejection washed through him but the speed in which Blaine pulled his hand away, it stung. He tried to not let his emotions show even though he hated the loss of contact and the moment. To distract himself from his hurt he wondered who's ringtone it was and why they were so important to interrupt this and make Blaine's whole demeanor change.
He watched Blaine for a moment longer as he searched around in his bag for the phone, trying not to notice how his trousers were hanging low on his hips. He let himself collapse on to his bed with a sigh as Blaine answered his call. "oh hey, Bas you in Ohio yet?"
At the mention of the name he suddenly realised the weight and the problems their previous moment they'd shared. He suddenly not only understood but shared Blaine's worries and panic. Yes he may have been able to sort out his own feelings, but he forgot to think about one very important person; his boyfriend.
With another sigh he pulled his duvet over his head and settled back down to hopefully pretend to sleep, all while trying to run through his new realisation and how to deal with his current situation. The best friend and the boy friend, my life is like a fucking high school movie he thought with a groan into his pillow.
There was a look in Kurt's eyes that rose so many questions, but that look could also answer all of his questions. All he needed to know was the reason behind his look. Why is Kurt looking at me like that? He didn't imagine that brief flicker of Kurt's eyes to his lips. He didn't miss it, but he didn't really understand it. Did it mean?
"Kurt?" Blaine said his name for the second time, this time it being more of a question then a statement. He'd seen that look on Kurt's face before, but never had it ever been directed at him. He moved his hand to Kurt's cheek, cupping it gently even though he knew that he shouldn't be doing this.
However, when Kurt brought his hand up to settle on his with that breathtaking smile on his face, he knew that that right there was the reason he should be doing this; Kurt.
They had shared similar moments like this before back home, but never, ever had it ever felt as monumental as this one did. Kurt was looking at him as if he was the only person he was seeing. As if, dare I think it, as if Kurt had just realised he liked him too.
"Blaine" Kurt said his with so much love and emotion he couldn't help but caress his cheek ever so slightly as he shifted that little bit closer. Was this it? They were both grinning at each other and Blaine would've sworn at that moment that he had never felt anything like he was feeling right now with Kurt.
He was about to respond to Kurt even though he had no idea what he was going to say. What should any person say in this situation, he knew exactly what he wanted to say but this wasn't exactly a normal situation. He was saved from saying something that would no doubt ruin the moment when his phone rang interrupting their moment.
To begin with it was just his phone but as the song got louder he realised just exactly who was ringing. 'Somebody that I Used to Know' getting louder the longer it was left unanswered. Panic washed through him as he glanced at Kurt, that was Sebastian's ringtone, and Sebastian was Kurt's boyfriend. Oh my god Blaine what are you doing!?
He pulled his hand away from Kurt's swifty before detangling himself from the rest of Kurt, pulling himself away slowly as he tried to let go of the previous moment and all the feelings that came with it. Kurt was Sebastian's boyfriend and he was Sebastian's best friend. He and Kurt were just friends, he had to keep reminding himself that. While he's with Sebastian that's all you can be Blaine, stop doing this to yourself.
"Sorry" Blaine said with a nervous laugh as he tried to diffuse the sudden tension. "I like to cuddle, I'm a cuddler" he said with a self depreciating laugh as he hastily made his way out of bed and towards his phone. Ah good one Anderson 'I'm a cuddler' fucking idiot.
He didn't want to leave the warmth of Kurt's body but he had to stop doing this to himself, he was only hurting himself more and confusing Kurt. He never thought he was that kind of guy to go after someone in a relationship and he hated that this is what he'd come to.
After searching around in his bag for his phone he took a deep breath before answering it, not before noticing he had three missed calls and two new messages, probably all Sebastian, fucking great. "Oh hey Bas, you in Ohio yet?" he said sounding overly excited. If he noticed he was sure Sebastian would too.
"Hey Blaine. Yeah I'm good thanks, sorry did I wake you?" Sebastian asked on the other end sounding tired. Guilt washed through him at the sound of his best friend, Kurt's boyfriend. Could the moment we'd just shared be classed as cheating even though it wasn't really, could it? It sure felt like it.
"Good. Nah you didn't wake me, however you did make me get out of bed" he said with a nervous laugh as he ran his hands through his hair while glancing back at Kurt. Kurt who had now buried himself under his duvet, guilt washed through him again. What was happening to them? "How was your flight and when are you coming to visit?"
There was a beat of hesitance on the other end before Sebastian seemed to catch up with himself. "Flight was long. I had a fucking four year old kicking my seat the entire time" he growled "but apart from that it was good. As for coming to visit that was actually why I was ringing. Carson's dead to the world and isn't answering his phone and I can't seem to reach Kurt."
Blaine gulped at the hidden accusation in Sebastian's tone and at the comment. Both he and Kurt had heard the vibrating of his phone not too long ago but the both of them chose to overlook it for the sake of their moment. Of course now he felt even guiltier then he did five minutes ago.
"Oh umm Kurt?" he asked away from the phone, the question directed at Kurt. He made an on the spot decision to just ask Kurt as they'd already put Sebastian through enough but he didn't really think of how he would explain the fact they're were in the same room at nine fifteen in the morning.
"What?" Kurt grumbled sounding annoyed and distracted from under the covers, not giving eye contact or even moving. What is happening he thought sadly as he looked at the teenager he was so madly in love with.
"Umm it's Sebastian on the phone, apparently he's tried ringing you a couple times and he was just wondering when he could come over?" He saw Kurt move under the duvet holding out his hand in a 'give me' gesture. His gesture was accompanied with no words as he just lay there waiting.
"I'll just pass him the phone Bas, I'll see you later alright?" he said guilt washing through his tone and all he wanted to do was apologise. He placed the phone in Kurt's hand, he didn't mean to let his fingers linger a second too long and he didn't miss the way Kurt held his hand there a second too long either. What were they playing at?
Once Kurt had the phone at his ear and started talking to his boyfriend he grabbed his clothes and headed towards Kurt's bathroom not even bothering to ask if it was okay. He had too much to think about and he really needed to get under the boiling hot spray of Kurt's shower.
"Morning boys" Carole said, interrupting their conversation as she walked into the kitchen where Kurt was sat with Blaine, Carson and Finn. It was now ten o clock and they all replied with scattered versions of 'Good Morning.' Kurt had come down here after he'd gotten off of the phone to Sebastian to find he was alone.
After he made all three of them coffee's he sat and waited, giving himself time to think about things he really didn't want to think about. Blaine and Carson came down the stairs the same time around ten minutes later and Finn wasn't too far behind.
Eventually they all settled into an easy conversation about life and New york that Finn easily joined in on. Before too long he was bored and decided that talking about Cartoons would be better and more enjoyable.
As Carole made the coffee Blaine decided now was the perfect time to continue with their previous agreement. "As I was saying The Smurfs is easily the best cartoon of the 90's! Easily" he said, slamming his fist down and he tried his hardest not to smile at his passion.
Kurt was feeling a little uneasy after the moment he and Blaine had shared this morning and then the conversation with Sebastian on the phone that had been anything but easy. "Not it isn't" Finn said sounding furious. "Catch the Pigeon is the best cartoon EVER! Muttley is just way too cool dude."
Carson coughed to gain all of their attention "excuse me" he said in a posh, english accent, "but you've both got it wrong. Loony Toon's is by far the best cartoon ever. I mean you can't beat Bugs Bunny or Daffy Duck! Seriously? And you call yourselves 90's kids" Carson finished with a scoff and a smile.
He shook his head with a smile and dropped his gaze to his cup. Blaine was sat next to him and he could see Blaine keep looking at him out of the corner of his eye. The way his expression kept changing from nervous to hopeful to sad and to joyous. Kurt told himself he couldn't understand it, of course he was just trying to make this easier on himself by not bringing Blaine's feelings into this.
Of course Blaine had made his feelings about him perfectly clear, even if he was drunk all three times he's done it. Even when he hasn't been drinking Kurt catches the longing looks, the bits of jealousy when he talks about Sebastian. It's been so obvious but he's been just as mean to Blaine by pretending not to acknowledge what it all means.
As Carole joined in on the conversation around him he tried to think about himself. He had done something he had sworn he would never do to anyone. He hadn't cheated but he felt like he had, he'd admitted to himself that he had feelings for someone other then his boyfriend. Technically it isn't cheating, but technicalities don't matter, I may as well have cheated.
Thinking back through it all now he does like Sebastian, he really does. He's great, he's funny, he's caring and he's like no one Kurt's ever met before, but when he compare's his feelings for Sebastian to the way he feels for Blaine. Well there is no comparison.
Blaine. It's Blaine, it's always been Blaine he was just too dumb or too blind, hell too scared to notice. From the moment he arrived in New York to the second time he returned home, it's always been Blaine.
He was cruel, he was heartless and he hated himself. Absolutely hated himself for what he had done, had been doing, was doing to Sebastian. No one deserves what he's done, least of all Sebastian.
Sebastian who was so fragile, Sebastian who never falls for anyone because he's too afraid he'll get hurt. Sebastian, the Sebastian who showed him things could be exciting.. Sebastian who never did relationships.. how could I do that to him?
He dropped his head into his hands forgetting that he wasn't alone. He felt a reassuring squeeze on his right hand side and he knew automatically that it was Blaine, of course it was. "You okay there Kurt?" he asked it quietly while everyone else carried on their conversation.
Kurt looked to Blaine and tried his best to hide his thoughts and emotions from his face. Tried to keep his feelings hidden because he just couldn't do that to Sebastian, he'd already hurt him enough. "Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry, I've got a lot on my mind that's all."
Blaine smiled sweetly back at him, dropping his gaze for the smallest fraction of a second before returning his gaze and squeezed his shoulder again. "You know I'm here whenever you want to talk."
They looked at each other for a few moments longer before Blaine got distracted by the still ongoing Cartoon conversation. "Hell no! Garfield is amazing and should not be on the bottom of the list!" Kurt couldn't help but smile at him fondly before dropping his gaze back to his cup and carrying on with his thoughts.
"Hey Seb" Carson said pulling him into hug from where he was stood outside the Hudson-Hummel house hold a few hours later. It had taken Sebastian ten minutes of just standing there to find the courage to knock. "How are you man, I'm so glad you're here" Carson said holding him tighter.
"That's one of you" Sebastian mumbled as he struggled against Carson's hold but gave up when it was obvious it was a lost cause. "C I'm fine and yeah I'm glad I'm here too I just, where's Kurt?" he said pulling back when Carson released his hold. "We said some things on the phone this morning and we really need to talk."
They had said some things on the phone this morning, most of which had confusing double meanings and even though he knew how this conversation was going to end, they had to have it. Just because their relationship didn't work out, he is praying to god that their friendship will remain strong because he can't lose him.
Carson seemed to see the emotions running over his face "oh" he nodded sadly not meeting his gaze. "Kurt's upstairs in his room, Blaine, Finn and I are just hanging out in the kitchen. Why don't you come down and join us once you've um.." He watched as Carson tried to find the right thing to say, tried and failed.
He laughed a bit self depreciatingly "yeah" he said with a smile and hitting his arm. "I'll come find you once we're over."
"Seb" Carson said sadly reaching out and squeezing his shoulder but he brushed it off and smiled at him instead.
"Carson it's fine, I'm Sebastian Smythe remember? There is nothing I can't handle." It looked like Carson was about to say something else but he couldn't stand there and hold up this mask for much longer. "Upstairs?"
He watched as Carson nodded sadly but glad that he took the hint. "It's the door right at the top of the stairs, make sure you knock" he shrugged "you know what he's like with his privacy." Sebastian laughed as it reminded him of when he stole Kurt's phone to add in his number and what Kurt said about it. Stop it Sebastian, he thought to himself, this is making you feel better!
He nodded his thanks to Carson and started making his way up the stairs. He didn't look back to see if his friend was stood watching and waiting for him to enter. Instead he made his way upstairs, knocked and waited for Kurt to call out "hey come on in Carson I'm almost finished." He dropped his gaze at hearing that voice he'd missed so much over the past few days. He forced a smile on his face before pushing the door open.
"Carson I told you I would be down in a minute" Kurt said from where he stood facing the back wall folding up some clothes. "Why are you so impatient I mean jeez" he said as he turned around to face him and stopped in his tracks, his eyes going wide. "Sebastian!?"
Sebastian took a deep breath "hey Kurt" he said with a small wave. A wave! Why the fuck did I wave, what am I fucking six!? "How are you?" he said dropping his gaze. 'How are you?' Seriously Sebastian what the fuck is your problem?
He was surprised that Kurt still looked like a deer caught in headlights. His eyes were wide, his expression a mix of guilt, surprise and panic as he stuttered out his next words. "What are you doing here I wasn't expecting you until half one" he said glancing to the watch he was now wearing, "and it's now twenty to two. Oh right."
Kurt laughed nervously and ran his fingers through his not so perfectly coiffed hair, obviously he had other things to worry about if his appearance wasn't his first worry. "Sorry I'm a little late" he said with a sad smile because Kurt hadn't even noticed that he'd arrived late. "I lost track of time back at the hotel."
"Yeah me too, obviously" his current boyfriend said laughing nervously again as he placed the shirt he'd folded, one that looked a lot like Blaine's his mind noted, before he started slowly walking towards him. "How was your flight?" he said stopping a few feet in front of him. It looked as if he went to reach out and touch him before thinking better of it.
Sebastian looked around the room as he answered "yeah the flight was alright thanks, same old shit. It's a box with a bunch of sweaty people, just how I love spending four hours of my free time" he said in his usual Sebastian Smythe way as he rolled his eyes.
He saw Kurt smile at that as he lowered his gaze to watch Kurt's reaction at his next sentence. He wondered if the mention of their best friend would bring out any sort of reaction in him. "How was the drive up with Blaine?" He wasn't disappointed, Kurt's cheeks flushed a dark shade of red, his eyes looking anywhere but at him.
Kurt seemed to hesitate for a moment "yeah it was okay. We just sang Christmas songs in July, nothing special" he shrugged still avoiding his gaze. Sebastian just nodded in response not sure what they were supposed to do right now.
Should I just get to the point, otherwise there will be shit loads of mindless chit chat that none of us care about and I'll just sit here staring at him knowing what I'm about to lose. Screw that. He made up his mind and decided it was best to just get this conversation going, "Kurt look."
At the same time he spoke Kurt did as well, obviously they both had things to think about and obviously they had both decided to take the same approach. "Sebastian, look" Kurt said still avoiding his gaze but this time he did reach out and touch him, placing his hand on his arm and giving it a squeeze. One that felt full of tension and guilt.
He smiled at the fact he and Kurt were so a like in the way they thought before sighing, knowing exactly what was coming. Was this really how it was supposed to happen? They both laughed nervously at talking at the same time. "Can I go first please?" Kurt asked quietly glancing at him for the smallest fraction of a second.
He just watched him not knowing if he wanted Kurt to go first. If Kurt went first that would mean that he would be the one initiating the break up and when Sebastian asked if they could still be friends he would look desperate, Sebastian didn't do desperate.
"Kurt, I really need to tell you something, I think I should go first" he said quietly giving Kurt's arm the briefest squeeze before dropping his hands and shoving them deep inside his pockets.
Kurt didn't seem to approve of this "but Sebastian, there is something I really need to tell you." He was just about to interrupt and Kurt seemed to be having none of it. "I've done some thinking over the past few days and I just, you deserve the truth and I need to tell you the truth" he said pleadingly, his grip getting tighter. "Please?" he begged and Sebastian hated seeing him like this.
Sebastian had to be honest with himself, his eyes went a little wide at Kurt's words. Had Kurt cheated on him with Blaine? Of course he knew that neither of them would cheat but still he hated to admit the thought had crossed his mind.
He knew that Kurt would've come to his realisation at some point during this trip, he had just hoped it wouldn't be so soon. He knew that his relationship with Kurt was going to end, and call him whatever you want but he had to be the one to end it. He just had to.
"I realised that-" His thoughtful silence Kurt took as confirmation that he could go first, as he went on to start explaining his relisation but he just couldn't have that.
"Kurt, just, before you say anything I just need to tell you something first" he said reaching out to wrap his hand around Kurt's arm and squeezing just as tight as Kurt squeezed his, he couldn't keep his hands to himself anymore.
Kurt looked pissed at being interrupted again but there must have been something in his eyes that had him surrendering with a nod. Sebastian took a deep breath before saying the one sentence in the world he hoped never to say. "Kurt, I think we should umm, maybe" he said running his hand through his hair, I don't want to do this, I can't even finish the fucking sentence.
He took a long deep breath and hated that he could feel tears in his eyes. "Kurt I know you and Blaine have this special connection" he watched as Kurt's eyes went wide and he looked like he was panicking, "and I know how Blaine feels about you and I know how you feel about him and I can't-"
"Bastian I'm not," Kurt interrupted. "Blaine and I we're not. I don't, What are you saying?" It seemed that no matter what Kurt's intention was for starting this conversation, the idea of losing him still upset him. The thought caused him to smile sadly and drop his gaze to examine Kurt's face.
"Kurt it's okay" he said moving his hand to cup Kurt's face and use his thumb to wipe away a stray tear. "I don't hate you, it's not your fault. You can't help who you fall for and you and Blaine are perfect for each other. I guess you guys really are soul mates." He hated doing this, hated every single word that left his mouth but it was the right thing to do. Maybe not for me, but for Kurt.
Kurt was looking up at him, tears pooling in his eyes, the odd tear falling down his cheeks. He looked as if he wanted to say something but didn't know what to say. He hadn't known pain like this since he'd lost Blaine all those years ago, this is why I don't do relationships he thought frustratingly towards himself even if it was a little forced.
In amongst the tears and the hurt, relief and guilt could be seen in Kurt's expression and he looked away quickly, wishing he hadn't seen it. "Bastian" he said wrapping his arms around him, holding on so tight, his head on his chest "I'm so sorry."
He hesitated only slightly before he wrapped his arms around Kurt, holding him to his chest as tight as he possibly could. One arm wrapped around his waist the other resting on the back of his head "Kurt it's okay, it's not your fault. I don't blame you" at his words Kurt broke down.
He was never any good at soothing people, trying to make them feel better when they hurt but he had to try now, it was Kurt. He rubbed his hair with his thumb while he made soothing noises in his ear.
"I never stood a chance and I was a fool for telling myself I did" he said after Kurt had calmed down. "It's obvious to anybody that you and Blaine are meant to be together. I just chose to overlook it because I was being selfish." It hurt, saying these words fucking hurts, but it was what was right.
Not just for Kurt, but for him to. If he and Kurt carried on dating, maybe one day they might have gotten serious, maybe move in together? Blaine might find a boyfriend and for a few years they could be happy. Then one day, Blaine's single again, they get close again and bam. They realise how they feel for each other and then he's left with not just a few weeks worth of grief, but a few years. It's what's best he kept telling himself, it is.
Kurt was sniffling into his chest and he knew that his shirt was probably ruined, he'd have to ask Carson if he can borrow one of his. Kurt pulled back out of his grasp and wiped at his eyes. "Sebastian I am so sorry, I never wanted to hurt you I mean, I don't know what happened."
Sebastian watched as Kurt took a deep breath before speaking again. He looked at this poor, confused boy stood in front of him and it broke his heart. A week ago he could've called this beautiful boy his, now, now he was ending it so he could be with his best friend. What has happened to me?
"I liked him when I first got here" Kurt sniffled and Sebastian tried not to roll his eyes or scoff as if he didn't already know this. "But then I met you and I just, I didn't see him like that any more, all I wanted was you." Sebastian couldn't help but smile at that, although it wasn't great but at least he had been all Kurt had thought about once.
Kurt moved to sit at the end of his best still wiping at his nose, he'd thought momentarily that he would follow after him but instead he took two steps forward and decided that it would probably be best for them to have their space.
"I don't know what changed" Kurt said to his hands. "I mean Blaine and I were in bed this morning and we shared this moment and I just, I don't know. There was this spark you know?" he said and Sebastian couldn't help but smile at the flustered look on Kurt's face as he tried not to think about the fact Kurt and Blaine had shared a bed while they were still dating.
He may want to hate Kurt for everything he's unintentionally put him through, he can't. At the end of the day he still want's Kurt to be happy and seeing that look on his face, moments after they've ended their relationship and the fact that it's his best friend aside, made him happy. He's ruined you you know? he said to himself with a smile as he carried on listening to Kurt, his friend.
"I don't know what changed" Kurt said as he looked down at his hands. Sebastian was stood a few feet from him and he'd just effectively ended their relationship. Yet he couldn't bring himself to hate Sebastian because he was right in ending it. His heart wasn't in it any more, and he had just admitted that he had feelings for Blaine.
He tried very hard not to smile, but he couldn't help it, when he thought about Blaine he just had to smile. "I mean Blaine and I were in bed this morning and we shared this moment and I just, I don't know." He could feel colour pooling in his face and his smile getting unintentionally bigger.
"There was this spark you know?" he said glancing up to Sebastian searching for understanding and he hated what he saw there. Sebastian was smiling at him, happy for him, but under all of that he could see the hurt behind his eyes. He had done that to him, he'd upset him, he'd hurt him.
He looked down and tried to stop the fresh wave of tears "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't be talking about this with you. I've hurt you enough." Kurt wasn't sure what he expected, maybe he'd hoped that Sebastian would tell that he hadn't or, something that would make him feel better.
Instead Sebastian just nodded, a forced smile on his face "Kurt what's done is done, don't worry about it." Sebastian's tone was broken and he hated that he was the one who'd done that to him. Made him look so sad, sound so sad, "plus we're still friends and friends talk about this stuff" he said with a forced smile.
Kurt felt guilty already and smiled at the fact that Sebastian still wanted to be friends. They were smiling at each other and Kurt couldn't stop the tears from falling as he asked brokenly "we're still friends?"
Sebastian looked momentarily guilty. "Kurt," he said his name before moving to sit next to him on the end of his bed, an arm thrown casually around his shoulder while the other hand forced him to look at him. "Of course we're still friends" he said sadly but as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
He was so relieved to hear that "I thought, I thought you'd hate me" he said to Sebastian's chest, not having the courage to look him in the eye as he said it. The idea of Sebastian hating him was just, unimaginable.
"Hate you?" Sebastian asked disbelievingly moving his hand from his cheek to his own lap. "Kurt I could never hate you, no matter what happens between us I will never hate you." Kurt felt worse at hearing his words because it was so obvious that Sebastian still cared about him, and of course he still cared about Sebastian, very much so. It just wasn't helping this situation.
There was a moment of uncertainty and awkwardness before Sebastian turned into himself again "plus I ended it with you so if anybody should hate anybody you should hate me. Right babe?" he said playfully with a wink and a nudge. Kurt could tell how hard he was trying to make this okay and it only made him feel worse for doing this to such an amazing person.
He knew that Sebastian was right, he was the one to end it, but it was because of his feelings for Blaine that made him feel the need to end it. Of course Sebastian was hoping he would ignore that part and so he went along with it for the sake of his friend. "Yeah you did" he said with a sad nod "and I could never hate you either."
The two just sat there in silence, neither not knowing what to say but neither of them wanting to move. Once they both left this room it would be final. Their relationship would be over and that would be that. His first real relationship, his first real kiss, the first person that made him feel sexy, the first person he thought he was in love with, well that person wouldn't be his any more.
"I really am sorry Sebastian, I know sorry probably means nothing to you right now and I understand I do" he said looking at Sebastian who had now dropped his gaze. "I know you're not supposed to hurt the people you love and I feel like I've hurt you in the worst way possible and I am so sorry." Kurt didn't notice the weight of what he said, but Sebastian did.
"The people you love?" Sebastian asked brokenly before looking back at him.
Kurt's eyes went wide as realised what he'd just said and how he said it in the worst time possible. He dropped his gaze momentarily before nodding, "the people you love. I love you Sebastian, and I hate that I'm doing this to you and saying it to you now but I just, I didn't mean to say because I know it will only make things worse. I am so sorry."
He watched as a tear escaped Sebastian's eye and his heart broke in his chest, he could literally feel it shattering. How he could he do this to him? Sebastian was crying because of him, because he was an idiot and said the most important words in any relationship during the worst moment of any relationship. I am an idiot.
Sebastian looked up at him after a moment and there was so much in his eyes that it hurt him to look at them. Sebastian's words may have said "I'm sorry too" but his eyes said so much more. He may have never said the words to him, but Kurt knew Sebastian loved him too.
The two shared a small smile. A smile that both of them wished wasn't the smallest bit forced and that it didn't mean what they knew it meant. That small, understanding smile was the end of their relationship but hopefully the start to a friendship he would treasure.
During their silence something seemed to settle, they weren't KurtandSebastian anymore, they were just Kurt and Sebastian. Two people who had tried something that didn't work. They were friends.
Kurt felt slightly better as they now sat there as friends, both of them smiling and laughing nervously as everything settled. However that wouldn't last for long when Sebastian spoke again. His next sentence brought on a whole new wave of guilt as well as an hour long conversation that would consist of tears, raised voices and heartbreaking words from both boys.
"I'm sorry that I got in the way of your's and Blaine's relationship" Sebastian said standing up off of the bed. "If I just stuck to my life of 'hook up's and no relationships' you and Blaine would already be together and for that I am truly sorry. Obviously relationships really aren't for me if they're hurting other people too now."
Although they would say things that hurt and words they wished they could take back they argued as friends, and just like best friends argue, they always make up the moment it's over.
"I wonder how they're doing up there" Blaine said looking towards the direction of the stairs from where he sat on the sofa. Finn could be heard rummaging around in the kitchen probably for more food and talking to himself.
Carson plopped himself on the sofa next to him after coming back from the standing at the bottom of the stairs, he wasn't trying to listen of course. He had a sad, frustrating look on his face "I can't really hear anything so hopefully everything has worked out well" he said without looking at him once.
Blaine sighed "I can't believe that they are up there breaking up, I just" as much as he liked the idea of Kurt being single, the most important thing right now was the feelings of his two best friends in that room. Whatever he felt didn't matter because two of his friends were up there hurting, and it could be because of him.
Carson sighed next to him in frustration, it was easy to tell that Carson was a little pissed at him and he had every right to be. Blaine had explained the moment he and Kurt had shared in bed this morning to Carson and Carson had told Blaine everything he knew about Sebastian's feelings after Sebastian and Kurt had arrived. Blaine was the reason that one of his best friends and his baby brother was hurting. If he was in that position he'd be pissed at him too.
"Blaine, they're breaking up, because of" Carson seemed to stumble over his words not wanting to be so direct but Blaine knew what he wanted to say, "well you know why. Now I know it's not your fault but can't we just let them do it in peace and in their own time. I mean we're supposed to be friends here" Carson said angrily from where he remained watching the TV.
Says the guy who was just listening in on their conversation from the bottom of the stairs he thought frustratingly. Blaine screwed up his face and crossed his arms across his chest. It wasn't all his fault, he liked Kurt yes but he hadn't done anything, well not much anyway, to interfere with that. Kurt had come to his realisation on his own, it wasn't really his fault if he was a cuddler, ask Carson, ask Sebastian! It was just how he was.
"Sebastian's going to be so devastated and heartbroken" Blaine said to no one in particular. "And Kurt, well Kurt. God how is Kurt breaking up with him? Breaking up with Sebastian is one of the hardest thing's I've ever done. Oh man" he said dropping his head into his hands, "what have I done?"
Carson looked like he was about to say something but another tall human being decided to walk in and interrupt him. "Dude it's obvious that you and Kurt like each other so he's probably dumping that dude so he can be with you" Finn said as he dropped himself into the arm chair with a mixing bowl full of lucky charms.
The look that appeared on his face was probably priceless if his thoughts were anything to go by. Oh my god, at the tall boys words everything seemed to fall into place. Kurt was up there ending his relationship with Sebastian to be with me. "Kurt is.. oh my god."
Carson was glaring at his step-brother but he didn't really notice. "It's not exactly like that Finn!" He said his name pointedly and angrily. "Sebastian is actually ending things with Kurt because, because." The words were going in and out of Blaine's head as Carson stuttered over his words.
That confused him, if Sebastian was actually the one ending things then surely it was nothing to do with him. Sebastian had no idea about how he felt for Kurt right?
"Why's Sebastian breaking up with Kurt? Sebastian's in love with him" he said pulling himself out of his thoughts. He was pretty sure it couldn't be anything to do with him but, could it be? He didn't want to be the reason Kurt got dumped and he didn't want to be the reason Sebastian had to do the dumping. He hated that he was the reason, he hated it, he hated himself.
Carson was at war with himself he shouldn't tell Blaine the truth but they were upstairs breaking up because of him. As hard as it must be for him to hear, he was going to hear it soon enough anyway. "Because Sebastian knows that there's something between you and Kurt and he doesn't want to be in the way of your happiness anymore."
Blaine looked in a state of shot and it frustrated him to no end. Blaine must've seen this coming. Sebastian may act like a dick but if there was anyone in the world that knew the real him, it was Blaine, and Blaine knows how selfless Sebastian is when it comes to those that matter to him.
Finn was munching on his lucky charms and staring at the TV that was playing some Cartoon he'd never ever seen before, let alone heard of. "Blaine, seriously? He's your best friend. You can't have expected this to go down any other way?" he said turning to face him.
Blaine looked towards him, tears pooling in his eyes and a face full of guilt as he tried to read his expression. "He loves you Blaine, so much, and you of all people should know that because you love him too. Not in the way you guys once did but it's still there."
"I can't believe I did this to him" Blaine said the moment he'd finished speaking. His words and thoughts obviously distracting him too much to focus. "I mean after everything he's done for me. Moving out here for me even after we broke up" he said staring in Carson's direction but his eyes weren't focused.
Carson could see the cogs turning in his head, the guilt growing mixing with the hurt and confusion. "I mean, we'd broken up two days before, then after I was," he hesitated over the memory like he always did. "After that thing then he flew all the way to New York and stayed by my side for four days" he said looking at him pleadingly. "Four fucking days!" The self directed anger and hate obvious to even Finn who turned to watch their friend in concern.
"I broke up with him two days before and he never left my bedside for four whole days! I mean of course he would do this, how could I do this to him?" he said dropping his head into his hands.
Carson felt his own face falling at the sight of his best friend. It wasn't his fault that he and Kurt liked each other and it wasn't Sebastian's fault that he ended up in the middle. They just happened to find themselves in a tricky situation and none of it was anybody's fault.
Sebastian had done all of those things, at the hospital was actually the first time he'd ever met Sebastian. He was young and handsome and ever so charming, yet he walked around looking broken. The love of his life had dumped him two days prior and lay there unconscious with no promise of ever waking up again. Yet he got on a plane and flew all the way, he knew it wasn't that far away but still, to be by his side even if he had just broken his heart.
The real Sebastian was the most amazing person he'd ever met and you would never have thought that the Sebastian he shows to the world is a completely different person. The transformation is truly a sight to behold.
"Blaine, sweetie you didn't do anything to him on purpose, okay? You like Kurt, Kurt likes you. It's not your fault, you know more then any one that you can't help who you fall for" he said moving closer and slipping his arm around his shoulder.
He was too lost in his broken best friend and he momentarily forgot that Finn was with them until he spoke. "Look Blaine, I mean I don't really know you and I have no idea who this Sebastian guy is but if that Sebastian did all that for you before. Then even after all of this, I bet he'd still be at the hospital for four days waiting by your side." Finn spoke in a way he'd never heard before. Even if his comment was a little mixed up, he was still right.
Carson was staring at his step-brother in amazement because he'd never heard anything like that come out of his mouth before. Blaine sniffed next to him and he hoped he wasn't wiping his face in his arm because it really felt like it. "You really think so Finn?" he asked through his tears.
Finn nodded before speaking with a mouthful of lucky charms. "Look I'm not the brightest pen in the drawer but I know about friends." Carson tried to not laugh as he mixed up the expression. "My best friend slept with one of my girlfriends, got her pregnant and then kissed the girl I was in love with to get back at me but he's still my best friend" he shrugged looking back at the TV.
"Yes I was pissed" he continued to talk and eat at the same time Carson noticed with the smallest hint of annoyance. "But at the end of the day he has been there for me every step of the way and I for him. So yeah we fought but today we're still best friends" he shrugged again for no real reason.
He laughed at something funny that happened on the TV before he turned to them both to see why they weren't laughing. He must've seen the waiting on the faces and clicked that he was in the middle of talking. "Oh yeah, sorry" he said laughing. "No matter what you're best friends do, you can never leave because you love them too much to let them go."
Finn looked and Blaine and smiled, "I'm sure you'll all be fine dude" he paused. "Plus I know my brother" Carson couldn't help but smile when Finn called him that. The two of the dropping the 'step' a long time ago. "And if he want's you all to get along, you will" and with that he turned back to the TV, engulfing another huge mouthful of lucky charms.
Blaine had stopped shaking by his side and his tears had subsided, it looked like Finn's sudden wisdom had worked on Blaine. "Do you think Finn's right Carson?" he asked looking up at him with sad, wet eyes.
In all honesty he had no idea if Finn was right. He knew Sebastian very well and he was pretty sure Finn was right and that Sebastian wouldn't go anywhere, but with that job offer he'd accepted and still needed to talk about, anything could happen.
Yet Blaine was looking up at him all hopeful and he couldn't bring it in him to upset him anymore so instead he smiled and nodded, "Sebastian's your best friend Blaine, I'm sure he isn't going anywhere." He added on the 'mentally not physically.'
Blaine smiled sadly at him and cuddled into his side while bringing the cushion to cover his chest as he turned back to the TV. "Thanks guys" he said quietly before focusing entirely too hard on the moving image on screen.
Carson nodded and gave him a squeeze to let him know he'd heard him. "'Tis cool dude" Finn replied with another mouthful, lucky charms actually falling out of his mouth as he spoke, and this Frankenstein was dating Rachel he thought bizarrely though fondly. He let out a sigh before glancing to the direction of the stairs, he really hoped they were alright up there.
Kurt and Sebastian were sat side by side on Kurt's bed, backs resting agains't the headboard, their sides touching. Sebastian turned to the boy next to him and smiled "you know Kurt?" he asked and waited for the boy next to him to look at him.
"Know what?" Kurt asked with a similar sort of smile on his face.
Sebastian looked to his lap before looking back at him "I think we are going to make great friends" he said meaning every single word of it. The past hour had been long and exhausting, they argued, they cried, the hugged and they whispered but they'd worked things out.
Eventually they sat down to talk everything through calmly, they both accepted what they now were and moved on from that. They ended up discussing thing's such as finding him a new boyfriend, Kurt was very adamant on the word boyfriend instead of 'one night stand' or 'hook up.'
Although normally he would've hated the idea of being in a relationship but after being with Kurt, talking about it with Kurt and knowing what he was missing. He was confused to finding himself wanting to be in a relationship rather then loads of random fucks. Whether it be with Kurt or someone else, he wanted it.
Then he moved the conversation on to Blaine and he made it very obvious how he'd come to the realisation about Blaine and Kurt's feelings for each other and how he was happy for them. He even found himself giving Kurt tips on the best ways to 'woo' Blaine. At the idea Kurt turned a serious shade of red and he couldn't not laugh, it was hilarious.
Yes he may not be over Kurt yet, but he knew that after today they were going to be good friends no matter who they dated or where they ended up. As strange as it was and as strange as felt for acting like such a grown up today as well as gossiping teenagers, he felt good. He felt really good, better then he had in the last week.
He knew that when they left this room they would have to deal with everyones questions. He would have to deal with Carson and Blaine. Sebastian knew he should be angry, should be furious at Blaine for coming in between him and the one person he'd let himself fall in love with, but he couldn't.
Blaine was his best friend, always has been, always will be no matter whatever happened between them. Plus it wasn't his fault, wasn't anyone's fault it was just a serious of unfortunate events. His life was like some teenage romance movie, the boyfriend and the best friend, how fucked up and cliché is that he thought with a smirk.
Sebastian wasn't mad because he didn't lose anything from this, instead he gained more from this then he ever could've if he stayed with Kurt. He gained a new best friend that was just as witty as him, and a new look on life.
Kurt looked at him, his smile growing twice the size as he dropped his gaze to to his bedding briefly before looking at him with that smile again, "you know what? I think you're right." They looked at each other, both of their smiles huge. "Think it's about time we went downstairs?" Kurt said as he got up off of the bed reaching for his jacket.
"Yeah we probably should, they're probably going crazy with worry downstair's" he said with a smile and following Kurt out of the room. As he walked downstairs behind Kurt he couldn't help but smile.
This wasn't really an ending, it was a new beginning.
CUT SCENE!
Ah sorry just always wanted to say that. So I hope you guys like this chapter :/ I've written it like twice and I'm still not sure how I feel about it. I like how Kurt and Sebastian have turned out but I'm not sure if I like how I got there.
I just want to give you guys some warning. Just because Kurt and Sebastian aren't dating, doesn't mean they won't be hanging out. I already have jealous Blaine in mind ;) Just something for all you Kurtbastian shippers to think about.
Hope you enjoyed this because in the end I had fun writing it.
Until next time,
Love you all
Kaylee xx
