Black Roses
Tragedy/ Romance/ Angst
Rated: T
Chapter 29: Reasons
Well so all that I can say for now is that our Syaoran-kun hasn't been treating Sakura very well. And Sakura is trying so hard to relieve him and yet no reason comes to mind.
Syaoran is so caught up in his work and for reasons, he's pushing Sakura away from him for the while.
Anyway, I shall now continue with the story…
Disclaimer: I do not own Card Captor Sakura or its characters.
THERE IS USE OF VIOLENCE, ALCOHOL AND BRIEF LANGUAGE IN THIS STORY
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"Thank you so much, Nee-san, I love these games!!" Kouji exclaimed, clinging to the three X-box games that Sakura just bought him.
Sakura wasn't entirely sure of what Kouji was saying as she was too occupied with Syaoran's thought. But as soon as she noticed that Kouji was directing his words to her, she would nod and smile at him saying it was no problem and that he should thank Syaoran for his generosity.
"Kouji-kun, why don't you stay the night at Syaoran's home?" Sakura suggested.
Kouji gave it a thought and then said, "Well, okay! And then I can play with Li-san's X-box all day and night!"
Sakura saw Kouji's grin and giggled. He hadn't grown up one bit.
Syaoran had been such a fan of gaming and yet ever since his mother's sickness, he never has time to sit down and play with Kouji. Syaoran was never the sort who would let the child win on purpose. He would always say "If he keeps winning, he'll never improve so he must face defeat before he can stand victorious…"
What wise words indeed…
Sakura sighed. Why had Syaoran been so distant to her…?
She knocked on his door and waited for a reply. None came…
"Syaoran, are you okay?" Sakura called out.
"Oh… oh yeah I'm fine. Just working…" Syaoran replied affirmatively.
"Can I come in…?" Sakura asked.
"Sakura, dear, why don't you eat something instead… I'll be done with this in a minute…" Syaoran replied.
Sakura's face saddened but she had never gone against Syaoran's will again so she took off, feeling just so depressed.
--Syaoran's P.O.V.--
"Can I come in…?" I heard her voice call out from outside my room.
I lie on my bed, eyes closed and thoughtless.
"Sakura dear, why don't you eat something instead… I'll be done with this in a minute…" I replied.
Replying her like this, it wasn't very easy for me. It took a lot of energy and hurt to reply to her like this, as if I didn't care. It was very obvious that she was trying to help. She was only trying to make me feel better and make it easier for me, but why can't she understand that I don't want her to be around me anymore…?
Why can't she just get that idea that I'm trying to push her away for now? That she is just making it more difficult for me like this?
Sakura, why can't you understand…?
I smiled for a while. She wasn't really the sort to understand such matters anyway. She had always been the dense and naïve one. She was just so innocent.
"Sakura… I can't do this to you… but how am I to stop myself when you do such things…?" Syaoran sighed.
-- Sakura's P.O.V.--
Syaoran just didn't want me to be around him anymore. Even at University, he would stay far away from me. At home, he'd barely converse with me. And I couldn't understand why? Did I do something wrong? Was I such a big hindrance to him?
I sat on the couch, flipping the channels, trying to find something to watch to take my mind off of this topic. But regardless of what I put on, nothing was really helping. In the next room, Kouji had been playing the X-box so it was no use trying to talk to him. So I decided to go to the kitchen and spend some time with the cook.
"Nee, Mawari-chan, do you need help with anything?" I asked the old woman.
She was old, about 50, and very plump. She always had a huge smile on her face, even when chopping off the heads of the fish. That was sometimes, awkwardly disturbing.
"No Young Mistress, I am fine thank you…" Mawari-san replied.
I sighed. I was hoping that I'd have at least something to do here. Yelan-san was sleeping so I couldn't be of any help to her either.
"Nee, Wei-san, does Syaoran have any commitments this evening or tonight?" I asked Wei in curiosity.
There had been this part of me which was beginning to think things up.
"Not that I know of Young Mistress. That is if he has no plans with you…" Wei replied politely.
I shook my head, blushing a bit, and then turning away. So he would be free tonight. Maybe I could cook something for him… Or ask him if he wanted to go out for some ice cream. I just hoped that he would comply.
The sun was already setting outside and just a hint of orange and purple was left in the horizon.
I walked to the guest room where Kouji-kun had placed my stuff and decided to change my clothes before I went to Syaoran. Shuffling through my stuff, I took out a dark brown ruffle skirt which was stretched to my knees and a white and red T-shirt on top. Nothing too special, just as casual as I could be.
Then I washed my face and stood in front of the full-length mirror. I looked just fine to me. I just hoped Syaoran would come tonight because it had been often long since we last went out together.
Then I wore a simple silver bracelet and a watch that Syaoran had gifted me a year ago on the other wrist.
Knocking on Syaoran's door, I stood and waited for him to let me in.
"What?" Syaoran called from inside.
I nervously opened the door and stood in.
Syaoran was lying on his bed with his arms wide open. He turned his head to look at me and suddenly shot up.
"What is it Sakura?" He asked, getting up and looking at me.
"Umm… I was wondering… since you have nothing to do tonight… Can we have some-" But before I completed my nervous sentence, he spoke.
"No I can't, I'm sorry. I have some work tonight. I'll come home late, Sakura. I'm sorry." He seemed so bland and unmoved.
That was where I had enough of this.
"No you don't Syaoran; you do not have any work tonight!" I suddenly spoke at his face, my voice raised a bit.
Syaoran made a slight angry face and said, "What are you talking about!?"
"I already asked Wei if you had anything to do tonight, and you don't!" I replied in fury.
My eyes were starting to get heavy and tears were starting to dwell up. Syaoran got up from his bed in haste and yelled, "Well I do have work tonight and I'll be home LATE SAKURA!!"
I moved back a bit in fear because I had never heard Syaoran raise his voice at me like this before.
"S-So that's it then… You have to go…" I stammered on my words as tears streamed down my cheeks.
Syaoran glared at me and moved away, about to open the door and leave when I spoke. "B-But before you go… just tell me who she is?"
I was straight forward, I know, but I was also positive of what I was saying.
Syaoran stopped in his tracks. His hand which was on the door knob became still. I could see his body weaken as he slowly began to turn around.
"W-What are you talking a-about?" Syaoran stuttered, looking at me with wide eyes.
I was beginning to feel just so betrayed at the moment. He seemed too nervous that it was becoming obvious.
"You avoid me, you don't come near me, and you're out half the time and you don't let me come with you… I know there is someone else so who is she?" I hissed at him angrily now.
Syaoran stared at me with wide eyes. I could see the guilt in his eyes and it was shattering me.
"I… I…"
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Author: The Chinese Olympics Opening Ceremony was absolutely amazing! I am a complete China fan now, not that I wasn't before though me being Pakistani!! WEEEE!! GO CHINA! Man do I love the Chinese enthusiasm and devotion to there work… I know, its awkward I've stopped the story in the middle of such an important discussion, but China deserves this attention!! All those who saw the Ceremony and were absolutely awestruck, do review and add to the glory of The People's Republic of China, One World One Dream…
Now… Back to the story, don't worry…
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"I… I… I don't know what you're trying to say…" Syaoran said.
I glared at him and said, "You're seeing someone else, so tell me who it is!!"
-- Normal P.O.V. --
There was a very tense silence between the two. Syaoran looked at Sakura in shock and fear while Sakura was holding an unwavering glare towards him.
"S-Sakura… Y-You think I'm cheating on you?" Syaoran said, almost falling on the floor in disappointment.
"Well you left me no choice but to think that… Staying out so late, avoiding me… and never letting me in on anything anymore…" Sakura replied.
"S-Sakura… I…"
"No Syaoran… just tell me, what did I do to deserve this?! Just go ahead and tell me… Why…?" Sakura said, now breaking into tears and falling down on her knees.
Syaoran stopped what he was doing and then slowly, lifelessly walked towards Sakura, then getting down on his knees. He kept looking at Sakura while she hid her face in her bangs and cried. He put his hands on her shoulders. But before he could do anything further, Sakura shrugged off his hands violently and got up from her knees. Then she began to run out of the room when Syaoran pulled her back from her hand.
Sakura tried to release the grip but he was just too strong. And who was she kidding, she could never overpower him.
"LET GO!" She screamed.
But before she could do anything, Syaoran pulled her back. He slithered his hands around her waist and pulled her into a tight hug. Sakura hit his arms, trying to break free but it was no use. Her back was glued to his chest and she couldn't get away from him.
Syaoran stuck to Sakura, closing his eyes and resting his head on hers.
"Sakura… calm down…"
Sakura heard those soft words and stopped struggling partly because he told her to and partly because she didn't have any strength left in her to struggle. Tears kept coming down form her eyes and her cheeks were burning red now.
As soon as Syaoran felt her calm down, he turned her around and put his hands on her cheek. Then he pulled her face up and wiped away her tears with his thumbs gently.
"Sakura… I am not seeing anyone else…" And that was all that he said.
Sakura kept hiccupping slowly as she opened her eyes to look at Syaoran. Her heart suddenly sank, feeling a rush of guilt and shame on her. His eyes seemed so sincere and kind that looking at them felt like she was sinning. And odd as it may sound, just saying it once, Sakura believed him completely. His voice had been just so subtle and loving that she just couldn't doubt him any longer.
Tears began to stream out again, this time, in guilt as she slipped from Syaoran's embrace and cried her eyes out. Syaoran bent down and sat on the ground, settling himself to the footboard of the bed and pulling Sakura in a hug.
Sakura cried and cried in his embrace. And she hated it. She hated crying and yet she cried just so much. Thank Kami, she only cried in front of him.
"Shh…" Syaoran muttered, stroking her hair and kissing her head from time to time.
"S-Syaoran… I'm so sorry I doubted you… I just…" Sakura cried, hiccupping.
"Sshh…" Syaoran said, placing his fingers on her soft lips and smiling at her. "No Sakura, it was my fault. I had just been doing things that gave you that idea… I should've never tried to push you away…"
Sakura looked at him in shock and said, wiping away her tears, "You were trying to push me away?"
Syaoran looked away from her, his smile disappearing.
"W-Why…?" Sakura asked innocently.
She was heartbroken by this statement.
"Sakura… It's just hard to explain…" Syaoran said, removing his arms from around Sakura.
"Please Syaoran, did I do something? I need to know…" Sakura pleaded.
"No Sakura, you didn't do anything… Okay? It's me… I…" Syaoran was at a horrible loss of words.
He got up to his feet and then sat on his bed in a very contemplative posture.
"What is it Syaoran?" Sakura asked in utter worry and anxiety.
"Sakura… just being around you…" Syaoran began.
"What Syaoran?" Sakura asked, now seeming a bit quizzical.
"Sakura!!" Syaoran now groaned in annoyance.
Sakura looked at him with her absolutely bewildered and innocent eyes. Syaoran looked at them in horror first but then smiled.
"Sakura, I don't want to hurt you… but there are things…" Syaoran began.
And suddenly it hit Sakura. And then she began to think, 'WHY IN HELL DIDN'T I THINK OF THIS BEFORE!!'
Sakura moved away from him a bit and sat next to him.
"You're stressed, aren't you?" Sakura said, looking away from him.
She could feel her cheeks burn as she spoke.
Syaoran just nodded a bit, keeping his gaze away from Sakura as he blushed slightly.
"Nee Syaoran… we talk to each other about everything, right?" Sakura said, narrowing her eyes in thought and smiling while looking at the ceiling.
Again, all Syaoran did was nod.
"Then why didn't you tell me this?" Sakura asked, still looking at the ceiling.
Syaoran instantly turned his head to stare at Sakura who was staring at the ceiling.
"W-What?"
"You should have just told me that this was what was bothering you…" Sakura said, smiling and now looking at him.
Syaoran stared at her like she had just eaten an alien. But all Sakura did was smile back at him.
--
Sakura lie on the bed, her mind with thoughts of a certain conversation.
"What should I do?" Sakura said to herself.
She had a very serious face and was trying to come up with a decision. But it scared her. It scared her to limitless proportions, just the thought of it. But she had to look at it from Syaoran's point of view as well.
Did he really need this?
Sakura was very confused. She had told Syaoran that he didn't need to worry about anything and with that she left. Although this didn't make any sense what so ever to Syaoran but Sakura knew what she was doing. She was buying herself time to think about this certain issue. And once she went through this, she knew there was no turning back so she needed to be certain of her decision.
But although she was dead scared, she thought of Syaoran and how much he had been going through. It saddened her to think that she was of no use to him. And all this time, she was looking for a way to relax him, she was dumb to not think of this. But then again, her mind was one to not run that wild.
Was she really ready? Did she really want to go through this…? Not to mention the pain…
It had been two hours since she had been thinking upon this in the guest room. It was completely dark outside and it was getting cold now, it being October.
But as much as it scared her, she had to come up with a decision, and she was about to come up with one.
--
The door knocked and Syaoran looked at the door. For the last two hours, since the conversation, he had got no work done. There was nothing on his mind and still he couldn't get any work done. Somehow he thought he wronged Sakura just talking about it.
"Y-Yes…" Syaoran said with uncertainty.
Just then the knob turned and Sakura came in with a very shy face.
Syaoran looked at her and suddenly spoke out, "Sakura, you don't need to over think this…"
But Sakura didn't look up at him. She kept staring at the ground then suddenly spoke, looking up into his eyes.
"S-Syaoran, I'm so sorry…. But I can't go through with this!!"
And with that, she disappeared from the room, leaving behind a speechless Syaoran.
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So there you have it, another chapter and a weird ending. This is depressing Sakura, you can't even do this much for Syaoran. Sad…
Anyway, keep reviewing!
Mina Uchiha.
